I know, this is getting ridiculous, everytime I start getting back into writing something bites me in the ass and stops me. One day I will manage to finish this story, I'm sorry for the hold up. But enjoy this chapter!
I watched for as long as I could in dead silence as Max pulled the three intruders out into the back yard and began showing off all this toys and birthday food that was laid out on a blanket. The tension grew from moderately awkward between Rebecca and I to unbearably quiet and awkward between the two of us and the three new arrivals. Max was blissfully unaware as he bounced around telling Embry all about his latest soccer match; he failed to mention that he had been sent off for kicking another kid in the balls, I officially had the kid no one wanted at play dates, he was the naughty kid in school.
When I had enough of just watching them I flittered over to the table that held the cake, Solomon was cutting it while Rebecca stood quietly and pale beside him. She didn't look at me but instead at the floor, I didn't bother saying anything to her either. I sensed she was responsible for this bullshit the minute my eyes fell on them inside. I handed more plates and napkins to Solomon and he offered me a quick smile before going back to quietly cutting the cake. He never got involved in our friendship issues so I wasn't expecting anything from him, Rebecca on the other hand was unusually quiet. She knew she had done wrong but obviously wasn't up for discussing it, either that or she was shit scared that I would beat her, which I had to say I was contemplating it.
I could see the other parents eyeing me up then eyeing Sam up before finally looking at Max, it was so obvious there may as well have been a bright flashing light over Sam that read 'baby daddy'. I would undoubtly be the talk of the moms on Monday morning in the playground. I was shaking, physically shaking with both anxiety and anger at what was unfolding right now, they were here in my house. Not even the fluttering of my stomach I got each time my eyes met with Embry's was calming the anger that shook me, I was pissed, I was hurt, I felt betrayed and suddenly very unsafe in my own god damned house.
"Leah" A low voice came quietly behind me and my heart did a jolt of surprise, I wasn't expecting it so close nor was I really expecting it. I had sort of got my head around never seeing him or speaking to him again and now he was stood in my fucking back yard. I tilted my head toward where Embry stood beside me but I didn't look up at him, mostly from embarrassment that he had most definitely heard my little break down over the phone and now probably hated me for it. "This is a nice house" His tone was conversational but it was forced, I somehow guessed that was not what he really wanted to say. But I didn't have the balls to bring up last week or anything else that had happened so I nodded.
"It's ok" Curt, too curt, too rude. I was making it plainly obvious they weren't supposed to be here. He didn't say anything back, he swung from side to side awkwardly but no sound was made. It was incredibly awkward, my body was cold but horribly sweaty from the stress of it all and my hands continued to shake, I couldn't do this. I couldn't stand here so vulnerable in front of him. The feeling of needing to run washed over me and only got worse as I looked up to see Sam looking over at me with a slight frown on his face while Emily sat beside him in deep conversation with Max. Fuck, I couldn't deal with this. "I'm just going to umm check on the cat" I didn't have a cat. Why the fuck had I said that?
"You have a cat?" Embry asked with a tone of surprise and I nodded although I wasn't sure why, everyone knew I was not an animal person especially not a shitting cat.
"Yeah, nasty little shit doesn't like strangers" and with that I dropped the cup of water I was holding and hurried inside, I didn't stop I kept going until I got to my bedroom but there was a clicking of heels against the tile floors of my hallway and the door opened behind me to reveal Rebecca. Well she could just go away, I turned from her and began playing with anything I could reach on my dressing table.
"You ok?" She asked nervously and quietly.
Fucking fantastic.
I couldn't say anything out loud, I just moved the contents of my make up bag around the table in front of me.
"So umm party is real good, kids are loving it" She carried on and I knew what she was doing, avoiding the problem. I wanted to slap her, she had crossed it now, she had crossed that line to the point I actually hated her. "Solomon has work later so we have to leave early"
Great so you bring them people into my house then bail on me, shit friend.
"So what's this cats name?" She tried laughing but it was more of a hysterical hyena noise, that was it. I slammed the perfume bottle that I was gripping in my hand down onto the table and turned to her as she jumped back from me.
"You invited them to my house?" I growled, an actual growl, one I hadn't let out since the last time I phased. It felt wrong, too animalistic but I was furious. She said nothing, she just stared at me with tears in her eyes. "Him to MY house, the place I came to escape him and you brought him here?" I whisper yelled now, if I raised my voice they would hear me.
"I thought it would help"
"Help? How the hell is it going to help Rebecca? I don't want them here, I have enough problems because of them I don't need Max being messed around anymore than he is" I groaned and fell back to lean against the dressing table. She was fiddling with her fingers nervously and she shrugged a little.
"Well, last week you were so upset and you were stressed out with having to deal with Sam over the phone so I figured I could deal with it for you. And Embry said he wanted to come and I figured it would be good for you because you know"
"Because you think I love the guy which I don't. Fuck Rebecca, I don't want Sam or Emily in my house, I don't want them here period. I told you that"
"You told me that today; you've not said anything about not wanting them here. I thought the plan was that Max wanted Sam here for his party, I thought I was helping then today I realised I had screwed up but it was too late. You never told me how you felt about them being here, you said you were discussing things with him for birthdays and Christmases" She came toward me, almost begging. I took in her words but I was still angry.
"Max would go to Sam, Becca this is my place, my safety, I came here to escape him. This is my home, the one place that wasn't associated with Sam Uley and now he's stood in my fucking living room. I already have Max writing lists to Santa" I stopped, I hadn't told her about that obviously because I hadn't seen her. I hadn't really thought much about it since I found it, I had put it back in his room and prayed he wouldn't give it to me to post.
"What?" She cocked her head to the side and her frown got deeper, I didn't want to tell her I wanted to yell at her but I opened my mouth and explained the picture to her anyway, she listened to it all before nodding and cocking her head to the side while biting her lips, she knew this was only going to make Max worse.
"Now he's going to get confused, Sam here with me and him together on his birthday" I groaned and she came toward me again, she was getting closer and I knew she would end up reaching for a hug but I refused to let this go so easily. "You know what, this is fucked up. First"
"La Push I know, I forced you to go back and all that shit happened and now I've made it worse. I know but I didn't mean to, I thought it would help. Maybe that if Max could see them then his behaviour would get better. And with the letter thing, he can see Emily is with Sam he must know that you two won't get back together" She started reasoning with me and I felt my anger fading, she had a way of doing this, I suppose it was because we were so close. I could never hate her for long although I still had an urge to punch her.
"He's six, he doesn't understand the issues there really, I mean for fuck sake he met the man a month ago and he already loves him so he's not going to understand that Sam and I are never happening. It's all too confusing for him, this is just bullshit. I'm sorry Becca, I know you thought you were doing a good thing but sometimes you need to use your brain" I cradled my head in my hands and moaned into my palms, everything was getting far too confusing for my liking.
"I just wanted to help Leah, you were so distant and not yourself I thought maybe it would make it better. I didn't want to make it worse, I didn't think that bringing them here would be this bad." She started rambling and sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Well it is bad, everything is bad" My voice cracked as I spoke, my hands still cradled my face so she couldn't see the water brimming in my eyes. I hated crying, I barely cried but this was one of those moments I couldn't bite back the burning sensation in my eyes.
"Leah" She moved, I heard her and felt her shuffling across the bed to where I was sat and in seconds her hands were pulling at mine that were hiding my face. "Leah I'm so sorry" She whispered at me as she managed to get my hands from my face and I nodded at her, I couldn't be bothered with it. The arguments, the make ups, the new arguments, the new make ups, Sam turning up, Embry messing with my head, Emily, Max's behaviour, more arguments. I couldn't be bothered with any of it.
"LEAH" Solomon's shout bounded through the house and we both stopped to look at the door as it opened, he took a second to focus on my face no doubt noticing that I was upset before he darted his attention to Rebecca. "People are starting to leave, there's one kid saying goodbye to Max then it's all done, I gave out cake and candy. Max wants his presents" He listed off things and waited for me to nod before leaving again, we had been in here longer than I thought. Now I definitely would be the talk of the bitchy moms at school, I had been crap at this party.
"I should go out, he won't wait forever" I wiped my eyes and stood up looking at myself in the mirror, I looked like hell, I had lost weight and my eyes were still watery and sad. I was a mess and I didn't know why. Rebecca said nothing, she just followed me out into the hallway and down to the living room. Solomon shut the front door as the last kid left and offered me a small smile as I walked into the living room, it was getting dark outside and the things had been brought inside, everyone was sat around watching Max as he shook his presents and as I walked in Embry looked up at me. I wiped my eyes again and gave a false smile before collapsing on the sofa next to Leo who curled up into me. I could feel all eyes on me but I ignored it, I didn't want to deal with this shit, I would do presents and smile for Max so he could enjoy his birthday but tomorrow was going back to normal. They wouldn't be here and Max would be made known that I and Sam were never happening, he would be told the truth that I don't want to be around them.
"Can I open my presents yet mommy?" Max turned and asked me while hopping from foot to foot. I nodded at him and cuddled Leo tighter to me as everyone shifted to watch Max as he grabbed presents from his pile.
It took half hour to get through his presents, he had loads of new toys, new dressing up clothes, new ant hunting equipment from Sam and Emily, Embry got him some super hero things and he had loads of candy off the other guys from La Push who didn't turn up. Although at this moment I would have preferred them than the three who had.
I was stood in the kitchen washing up plates and cups while Max was playing with Annabelle and anyone else who was up for playing whatever game they were on to. Rebecca had left me alone, she had probably figured that I was in no mood to talk and thankfully I was left to the peace of my own thoughts.
"Hey" And the peace was just ruined, the soft voice was undoubtly Emily's. My stomach did a horrible turn and I had to grab the side of the sink to steady myself. She placed a handful of glasses beside me and settled herself against the counter before just watching me, if she was waiting for me to say something then she would be waiting a long time. I had nothing to say, I was polite in La Push, I was willing to let it go for Max but not here, this is somewhere that she should not be. She nodded slightly and pushed herself upright before taking in a gulp of breath. "So I guess this wasn't your plan, for us to be here"
Was it that obvious? I gave a little shrug and went back to scrubbing dishes that were already clean. "Sorry, we should have checked before coming. It's just that everyone misses Max, and you" The last bit was a little wobbly, I wasn't sure if she meant it or was just saying it. But again, I just nodded and shrugged. I had nothing to say. "We are staying at a hotel near the airport, so you don't have to worry about us being around. We're only here for today." She kept going, my stomach unclenched as I heard her words, they were leaving tomorrow and staying at a hotel tonight. That was good, that was somewhat good news.
"Leah, we are leaving now" Rebecca called in breaking the awkward tension that was mounting in my dark cold kitchen. I turned as Emily sort of jumped back away from me. I nodded and smiled at Leo who was cuddling into Becca. "We're going to give you a lift to your hotel" She shifted her attention from me to Emily and smiled politely yet stiffly. My body did another sway, they were leaving. I felt like I was breathing again, they were all leaving.
Emily nodded and walked quickly through to the other room where I could hear chattering from the men and the children, Rebecca just looked at me before mouthing the words 'I'm sorry'. I said nothing back just watched as she gave another sad smile before walking out, I head the front door go and Annabelle ran past the kitchen door while Solomon ran after her waving as he went. Then went Emily, who smiled awkwardly before leaving and then he came, he stopped and shifted into the doorway blocking my view of who was walking out behind him. He didn't smile, he just looked at me.
"Do you mind if I come say bye tomorrow? Our flight's at 6 so we can drop by before we go to the airport, but only if you don't mind" He had an edge to his low voice, sort of like a Sam Uley way of showing he was uncomfortable. Did I mind? Yes, but could I say no? No. Because Max would be distraught if Sam just left again, it was scary how quick kids got attached to people but he was attached.
"No, I don't mind" I whispered knowing he would hear me and he nodded, he turned to leave but fell back into the doorway again and sighed.
"It would be a hell of a lot easier on everyone if you didn't keep changing your mind about hating me" Here it was, the argument I wanted to avoid.
"I don't hate you" That wasn't a lie, I didn't. I just wasn't comfortable with him. Maybe I never would be, but wasn't that normal? He was the guy who broke my heart, how was I ever supposed to be ok with him, how was I ever supposed to be ok with having him here in my home.
"You have a funny way of showing it, you said"
"You're fucking everything up Sam, I know what I said, I know I said I would try and I know I said you could see him but since he found out about you and since being here he's horrible. He's changed, us fighting and messing him around has changed him so forgive me if I don't want him being messed around anymore. I want things normal, I want my Max back, the one who listened to me, who loved me not the one who tells me he hates me and wants to fucking move in with you. Eurgh you drive me crazy, I'm not fighting I'm not doing this. Just come see him tomorrow; just do whatever I don't care anymore" I snapped, I started off arguing but then it hit me, no amount of fighting will solve this mess. I can't be fucked, no matter how much fighting we did it made no difference, nothing changed.
He looked at me, as if slightly taken aback then nodded and backed off. He said no more, he just kept nodding as he backed out of the room. That felt strangely unfinished, like I still had things to say to him, things to yell about. I wanted to tell him that I was done thinking about him, and how he had a right to Max, how he should know his son, I wanted to tell him it wasn't about him, it was about me the one who had brought Max up but we were way past that. What was done was done and it couldn't change. I was stuck with Sam, and I guess Emily, the pack, La Push all of it. But they couldn't be here, no they would never be here again.
I walked out into the hallway as Sam shut the front door and sighed as I felt my house become free again, it was mine again, just mine, my safe place. I let the tension my body had built up breathe out as I listened for Max, the TV was on and a rustling of paper coming from the front room, he was obviously opening more presents.
"Max its bath time baby, put your toys away" I called out as I grabbed my pile of unopened mail that lay on the hallway table.
"Can I have more cake?" He called back and I had to smile, more cake, the boy was pushing it now. "I will have a bath if I can have more cake"
"Uhh how about you have a bath, then you watch me eat cake" I called back flicking the junk mail back down. I stopped as I walked further to the living room, he was talking to someone, not calling out to me but conversationally talking to someone. Maybe he was having a sugar overload and going crazy. "Who are you talking to?" I asked as I rounded on the living room, no one was here.
"Embry DUHH" I stopped dead in my tracks as I reached the room, I couldn't look though. The little boy's voice was enough to stop my heart and my breath so I couldn't look. But I had too, I couldn't stop it as my eyes lifted up to the room I thought would be empty, there he was. Stood looking back at me. My heart thudded to a halt all over again and a hot flush ran over my skin, he had stayed. He was here, in my house, with just me. My stomach swirled in danger like it had done when they first came here earlier, this time it wasn't as fierce, it was more...exciting? My stomach sloshed around as I watched him just look at me, my safe place wasn't so safe. But for some reason, I don't think I minded all that much.