Chapter Twenty-Five
Wishes and Responsibilities
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS.
"You slept with him."
"Ano... what...? Well I..."
"That was not a question, Kinomoto-san."
Satomi examined her from over the rim of her teacup. She took a sip of her herbal mix and set the china down with a soft clink. Sakura waited for the scolding but instead, Satomi's expression was one of restrained empathy.
"I know all about broken hearts," she said, broodingly. "Time after time in your training, I caution you girls. These men cannot be satisfied. They do not know how to love. Yet, some of you never cease to believe that you would be the one for whom they learn."
Sakura caught the quiver of her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down hard. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Satomi-san, you wanted me to work for a year," she said, choosing her words carefully. "To make enough money from me. Right? But because of… my client, I've made more I think, than most girls make in their first year. So…"
"He would have paid at least one million."
"What?"
Satomi looked her over.
"We discussed the price for your virginity," she said, winding Sakura. "He would have paid at least one million. I knew it was risky having you live with him, but I had hoped you were as strong as I thought you could be given your stance on the matter."
"He paid you?" asked Sakura, her voice minuscule.
"No. Why does he have to when you gave yourself for free?"
Sakura felt her eyes burning, nonetheless. She was so sick of getting emotional.
"So much for true love," said Satomi, pulling a gold cigarette case from her desk drawer.
At first, Sakura thought she was being mocked but there was an undercurrent of bitterness in Satomi's voice.
"You came in here today. You asked to leave my employment. But to be frank, I believe this experience will make you a better courtesan. Now you know your place. Now you understand."
"I don't want to do this anymore," said Sakura.
"Do not hunch," said Satomi, making her sit up straight. "My ladies do not hunch."
She carefully selected a cigarette from the case before snapping it shut.
"My ladies do not let men control them either."
"He's not," said Sakura, bruised. "I want to leave."
"Because of him," said Satomi, drawing the ashtray on her desk closer to her. "This is not an unsophisticated establishment, Kinomoto-san. Of course, you can leave. Most new girls assume this is what they see on television - dark alleyways, brutish violent pimps waiting for them to backtalk. Out of a dark sense of humour, I admit, I let them believe this."
She gave a ladylike chuckle, a sharp gleam in her eyes. Sakura blinked, dumbfounded.
"So, I can leave?"
"That is what I said," said Satomi. "Of course, confidentiality was part of the contract you signed. Any breeches, and there will be swift lawful action against you."
Sakura gulped.
"Of course."
Satomi searched her desk and Sakura, spotting the lighter behind a memo tray, pointed it out to her.
"Thank you," she said, retrieving it. "There is still a matter of service Li-san paid for but is as yet unprovided by you."
She put down her lighter and typed into her computer.
"You have one more month of service to provide. He has not made another advance yet. I will tell Naoko not to accept further payments."
Sakura breathed easier.
"Thank you so much Satomi-san. I know I must have disappointed you."
Satomi touched her sleek chignon.
"You have. But Li-san has done far worse by going behind my back."
Sakura felt a burst of panic for him but then, she remembered how he had spoken to her that day.
"Ano, is there anyway I can... not work that last month? I mean, I doubt he will call for me. His... fiancée is here. At his penthouse."
"Li Meilin," Satomi said, making Sakura's ear ache.
"Yes. I've been gone for some time and he hasn't tried to contact me."
"I see. And he has not made alternate arrangements?"
"No."
She grabbed her lighter and walked over to the window. Pushing it open, she breathed in the air deeply with closed eyes.
"I will accept your resignation today," she said, putting the cigarette to her lips and lighting it. "But you have to remain available in the event that Li-san requests you. At the end of November, Naoko will call you and we will conclude your employment here."
Satomi puffed on her cigarette.
"I leave an invitation for you to return at any time, should you wish."
"I'm forever grateful," said Sakura, though she knew that she would never come back to the Hikaru House.
Later that evening, as she sat in her living room, packing the contents of her apartment into boxes in anticipation of her return home, Sakura thought back to Satomi's words. Satomi said she had learned and understood. The truth was that she had understood but the yearning in her heart proved that she had not learned as yet. Her feelings for Li Syaoran were not controlled by a switch and so, she could not turn them off by will.
As she had walked away that afternoon at the amusement park, despite her words, she had wished he would come after her. Say that he was sorry for everything. But he had let her leave.
She had thought about it a lot, and she had decided that he did not fake his way through those months they had spent together. How could he? Syaoran was more straightforward than her brother. She did believe though that he knew that he was leading her on and did so without regard for her feelings. And, the bottom of her heart kept whispering to her that he had never answered when she had asked him if he loved his fiancée.
She folded the top of the box and grabbed a roll of duct tape off the couch. Nothing she thought or suspected mattered anymore. Syaoran was getting married soon if the gossip channels were correct. But she had given up looking at those kinds of channels. It was no longer entertaining. She would occupy her mind with better material from now on.
She yanked a length of tape from the roll and it must have taken the life out of her, because she slumped against the box and rest her forehead against its top, completely breathless.
The library was adorned with all manner of priceless but tasteful artefacts and paintings. A grand seven-foot chandelier hanged from the ceiling and though it was not alight, it reflected the rays of the sun pouring through the majestic double-doors of the balcony, with mirror-like quality.
Wan Wei stood at the doors, gazing out at the Eastern courtyard of the Li Estate. He could paint it, he believed, from memory alone. Many decades had passed but the same trees, same shapes of shrubbery, same statues and water fountains remained. He may be an old man, and thus supposedly should be set in his ways, but even he thought that a change would be welcome.
He raised a hand to shield his face as the sun slipped from behind a cloud, shooting pure light into his eyes. Moments later, it retreated behind a different one and he smiled as his sight returned. In the distance, a figure was quickly moving towards one of the gardens. Even without the jian strapped to his back, Wei could tell that it was his young master. That bulldozer stride, he knew anywhere.
His business in Japan had come to an end for now and so, he was back home at last. Wei did not have children but in some ways, he felt as though Xiao Lang was his own. He would never say such. It was improper. Beneath the young master even. But deep within his heart, he loved him that much. After all, he had taught him so many things, especially since the death of Zihao. However, he knew he could not replace that man, who had been lost at a time when he was still a symbol of absolute perfection in his son's eyes.
Xiao Lang disappeared from sight and he felt a longing to go after him.
"Wei," came the level voice of Li Yelan.
He turned and smiled. She was sitting behind a large desk that should dwarf any woman. But, Li Yelan was not any woman. She was tall and formidable and her confidence was giant.
"I believe we have everything finalized," she said, peering at the two lawyers that sat across from her.
The two men, in all likelihood in their 60's, looked like elementary students sitting in the principal's office. Wei walked over to Yelan's side of the desk.
"Review the changes we made, here and here," she said pointing at certain sections. She flipped a few pages, "Also, see here."
Wei picked up the prenuptial agreement, perusing the sections she referred to. It was all very clinical. Not the outlandish clauses Westerners had concerning the marital behaviour of their spouses. It was a fair division of assets. No one truly expected that the document would be necessary. However, Yelan was meticulous and she protected her children like a lioness.
He nodded and handed the document to her but she raised her hand, declining it.
"You will have him sign it."
"Yes, Madam Yelan," he said with a nod. "Miss Meilin as well?"
"No. Return it to me and I'll have her sign it. Women tend to be more affected by these things. Beyond any man's tact, I fear."
"As you wish."
"Thank you. For the offer."
He bowed to all present and left the office. He did not like that Yelan sometimes gave him the less savoury work to do but, if it meant that the relationship between her and Xiao Lang would be less strained, he would do it. It had been years since they had embraced like mother and son. He was like other children once, loving and smiling all the time. He had grown strong but, his affect was quite flat and it upset Wei that the boy had been forced to grow up far too quickly.
He was certain that Xiao Lang's change in disposition had partly to do with Zihao. He put too much on his child – having him keep secrets children should have no part of. How could you treat your mother the same way you always had, when you went on trips with your father to see his mistresses? Yelan had been furious when she found out. She had shattered 150 million dollars' worth of vases and ornaments that night. Threatened to divorce Zihao and take the children. It was one of the few moments she had ever lost her composure. She may not admit it, but Xiao Lang got his temper from her. They were both quiet people with volcanic turmoil bubbling just beneath the imperturbable surface.
The thing that must have hurt her the most was that Xiao Lang could not possibly respect or love her as she would like, when Zihao was so blatant with him about his infidelity. That was surely the beginning of the strict upbringing the young master would experience after his father's death - at his mother's hands no less.
Wei ambled into the courtyard, his mind recollecting the memories.
Not a minute of Xiao Lang's day had been unscheduled. Yelan was determined to make him the best that he could be, or so she said. Wei remembered those following ten years well. Xiao Lang had retreated far within himself and only he and later, Meilin, ever had a chance of getting through to him. It was only when he had started to participate in the family business did he become more outspoken and willing to engage in conversation. But, there was always a barrier that remained to keep everyone at bay.
Wei was glad, however, that the young master had finally proposed to Meilin. Zihao had done one thing right. He had always been fond of Meilin - his second cousin once removed. It helped that at the time, Meilin's father was making a name for himself. Zihao brought him into the fold and his businesses grew. It was known from then that Xiao Lang would marry Meilin.
The sounds of steel cutting through the air grew louder as he came upon Xiao Lang, practicing with his jian in an open space in the garden. Wei sat at the base of a statue of a renowned Chinese poet and observed him. He knew each step; each stroke Xiao Lang would make before he made them. He had taught him as a child, before his skills quickly outgrew Wei's knowledge. It was a dance really. Elegant, fluid and lethal.
Xiao Lang ended his training and bowed to Wei, who nodded in approval.
"Very good, Master Xiao Lang."
Xiao Lang inclined his head in thanks. He sheathed his sword and sat on the ground, laying it beside him. He bent his knees and reclined on his palms, looking Wei over. His gaze found the papers in Wei's hand. Raising his eyes to him, he asked a silent question.
"This is the prenuptial agreement," said Wei. "I meant to take it to your quarters but I find myself here."
"Getting senile, Wei?" said Xiao Lang, with a smirk.
Wei chuckled good-naturedly.
"My body will fail long before my mind does, young master."
The smug expression slipped from Xiao Lang's face.
"She could have consulted me before drawing it up," he said.
"Perhaps she felt you had enough to deal with."
"If she thought that she wouldn't be my mother."
Wei did not respond to the statement. Yelan had gotten the respect she yearned for from her son, at the expense of something she must long for even more...
He cleared his throat.
"As I see it young master, it is more for Miss Meilin's sake than your own."
Xiao Lang tilted his head.
"Explain."
"Divorces are nasty affairs. They change people. You know you can be strong-willed. If anything were to go awry, at least you can arrange a fair settlement for Miss Meilin now. While you are clear-headed, calm and reasonable."
He saw Xiao Lang mulling the words over in his mind.
"You've read it?"
"Yes," answered Wei.
"And is it fair?" he asked. "Are all my properties and assets accounted for? Or only the ones Mother would have me share?"
Wei smiled. Everything Yelan did was in his best interest.
Xiao Lang reached forward for the document and Wei handed it over to him. He examined it briefly, pausing at certain places for a more thorough read. He reached the end and rest it under his jian.
"I'll sign it later."
Wei nodded.
"Very well."
A hush fell over them and Wei studied Xiao Lang carefully. His eyes were narrowed, looking off into the distance. Occasionally, some emotion would flit across his face before it quickly dissolved into his impassive countenance.
"Are you going to tell me what it is?" Wei asked.
Xiao Lang, startled from his reverie, looked up at him, perched at the foot of the statue.
"How do you always know?"
"It's nothing I can put into words," said Wei. "When you are troubled, I feel troubled."
Xiao Lang went quiet again. Wei recognized that it meant he was debating how much he should reveal and how he should say it. Why did he always feel the need to be so cautious? Nevertheless, Wei knew he would speak in time.
"It's a woman," he answered, finally.
Wei chortled, the corners of his eyes creasing even more than normal.
"Miss Meilin?" he asked knowingly. "I did perceive a mild tension between you two yesterday at dinner."
When Xiao Lang stiffened, looking at him with an expression half-way between dismay and embarrassment, he realized that he might have made a fatal error. Xiao Lang's head bent low as though waiting for admonishment.
"I'm wrong?" asked Wei.
He took off his glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief he pulled from his jacket pocket.
"You are," he said, staring at the lawn beneath him. "It's a courtesan. From Japan."
He cast a glance at Wei to see his reaction. Wei fought to control the muscles in his body but he felt his eyes widening and his jaw slacken. Even worse, his chest expanded as he drew in a sharp breath. His initial thought was, what was his young master doing with a Japanese courtesan? What all men did with them, he supposed but, he could hardly believe it.
There was a nervous glimmer in Xiao Lang's eyes and Wei did not have to doubt exactly what had transpired between him and the courtesan. He would be lying if he said that he was not somewhat saddened by this. The child was engaged! To a decent young lady, no less.
"I see," said Wei, at last.
Xiao Lang nodded.
"It's over and done with," he explained, with a deliberate firmness. He looked around behind them to make sure they were alone, and leaned forward. "But the thing is, I think about her. Sometimes."
Wei waited for him to continue.
"I keep thinking of the last time we spoke." He grimaced. "We ended on bad terms Wei. Because of me. I said terrible things to her. Things that weren't true."
He wrapped his arms around his bent knees.
"You see, she said," and he paused, "She said that she loved me so the things I told her cut her deeply."
Love? The young master was now learning about such things. Fantasy. The Art of the Performance.
"Courtesans are well-practiced at making you feel they truly care for you."
"I'm aware of that. But she was sincere."
Wei realized his face read scepticism because Xiao Lang huffed.
"She was."
"I have no doubt that's the impression you received, Master Xiao Lang."
Xiao Lang set his face like a petulant youngster.
"Before it ended, I gave her my credit card. She gave it back to me later. She hadn't used it. Her feelings for me were real Wei. Why else wouldn't she have used it up to spite me? She said she loved me and she did."
The passion of Xiao Lang's words blazed in his eyes even after he had finished speaking.
"And are her feelings returned?" asked Wei, gently.
The hostility in Xiao Lang's shoulders diminished.
"She wanted them to be." He looked wistfully into the distance. "In the beginning, I was clear with the boundaries between us."
"But then...?" prompted Wei, after some time.
"But then I wasn't."
Wei held in a laugh. Xiao Lang was as expressive as ever.
"How did you meet her?" he asked, trying another tactic.
"Eriol hired some courtesans for a business dinner. Without telling me. She was with them."
"And what made her stand out to you?"
"It was everything. I liked the way she looked." His cheeks reddened. "The way she moved. The way words sounded on her lips..."
Wei blushed but Xiao Lang was in deep contemplation now, where discomfiture could not touch him.
"I've thought about it a lot. You know I could spot duplicity a mile off Wei. But when she looked at me, it was like she was as present as anyone could be. Her entire being seemed devoted only to me. I can still feel the world dimming around us. I can still feel her eyes on me. And then she was everywhere. Underneath my skin." He rubbed the back of his hand. "I don't know why her. But I know I've never had such an urge to be with a woman. I thought it was bewitchment."
Wei could not help but smile.
"It happens."
"I went out with her a few times on my own and I started to like her. Beyond the sexual attraction. When she was around, I was fully immersed in her. My mind wasn't racing. Things slowed." He tapped his chest. "It was as though Sakura was filling a space inside me, I didn't know I had."
"Sakura?"
"That's her name."
Wei stared in disbelief. Xiao Lang never called a woman outside the family by her first name. This was monumental to say the least and quite disturbing considering his upcoming nuptials.
"You know she didn't behave the way women in her line of work usually do, which I had found interesting," he mused. "She didn't even want to see me at a certain point. But I arranged things with her madam."
"Women tend to play hard to get, as they say," commented Wei.
"You don't know her," said Xiao Lang, dismissively. "But I do. She is sweet. Innocent. She was good to me even when I didn't give her reason to be. I know I should apologize to her but I don't know how to start."
He swallowed.
"Do you think it would make a difference, if I do?"
"What kind of difference do you seek?" asked Wei.
"I would like it if she and I were on speaking terms again. That's all."
"That may be a tall order if her feelings are real."
Xiao Lang nodded in agreement. Then he looked at Wei suspiciously.
"Why aren't you chastising me for what I've done?"
"Have I ever chastised you?"
"No. But this is worse than anything I've done before."
"Everyone makes mistakes," said Wei.
Xiao Lang ruffled the hair at the back of his head.
"I know I did something wrong. I tell myself it was a mistake too. But honestly, it doesn't feel that way. And with Sakura, feeling isn't something you can escape."
Wei was lost for words. What did his young master want to hear from him? What would pacify him? It was an odd conversation to be having at this stage of Xiao Lang's life. It was like watching a teenaged boy try to understand and come to terms with his First Heartthrob.
"The real mistake it seems to me, was not telling her..." He peeked at Wei and the man inclined his head, encouragingly. "I wanted to tell her that though I can't be what she wants me to be, to her, that if circumstances were different...perhaps..."
He fell into silence as two gardeners walked past.
"You would like her," he said, looking Wei in the eyes after the help was out of earshot. "She listens like you do."
Wei looked at him with a heavy heart. He knew the young master had fallen for the courtesan. How serious a fall it was, was still unclear. How cruel to have had such a novel and complex experience at such an inopportune time. Yet, he believed that the relationship Xiao Lang had with Meilin was stronger because it had more history and more depth. The courtesan was new and exciting but he could not possibly have the same connection to her as he did with Meilin.
Xiao Lang breathed out wearily.
"I don't know what was worse. Her finding out about Meilin, or Meilin finding out about her."
Wei was not surprised by this knowledge. As he had mentioned, he did sense a strain between the two lovers.
"I've told Meilin that there will be no other women. I mean that."
"I'm sure you do, Master Xiao Lang."
Wei was certain the young master had gotten beguiled. Courtesans were cunning women. He may feel strongly towards her but more than likely, the feelings were not returned. It could all have been an elaborate plan to gain his unrestrained favour.
"But I have to see Sakura again. Apologize. Make sure she's well."
Wei wet his lips with the tip of his tongue.
"Do you think it wise to put yourself in front of temptation days before your wedding?"
Xiao Lang's inner bubble of goals seemed to have popped. And the battle raging within him, played out on the creases of his forehead.
"Never mind," he said, in monotone. "I won't bother."
"After your honeymoon," suggested Wei. "Once you've settled in to married life-"
"It would make no difference by then. She -"
His words came to an abrupt halt.
The familiar quality and expression of absolute apathy Xiao Lang was known for rushed to the surface. Like he always did, he dragged the uncomfortable feelings deep within him, where he did not have to deal with them. All that would remain was tempered anger, waiting to be released at the worst possible moment.
He grabbed his prenup and jian and rose to his feet.
"Young master," said Wei, getting to his feet as well.
"Why do you still call me that?" he asked, testily. "He's been dead so long... I'm not the "young" master. I'm the only one. And I'm no longer a child."
Wei took a moment to shake off Xiao Lang's grouchy attitude. He was not really upset with him he reminded himself. He was upset over his quandary. And he desperately searched for a way to help his young master.
"If you are this deeply conflicted, perhaps you should push the wedding date back an-"
"For what purpose?" asked Xiao Lang through narrowed eyes. "Meilin is going to be my wife. That is an irrefutable fact. Should I postpone the wedding because I am attracted to a courtesan? Not a tech entrepreneur. Not a microbiologist. A courtesan. I know I crossed a line with the things I said to her. And that's all that's bothering me. "
Wei was not fooled by his careless words.
"It seems to me that you believe you had a real relationship with her. You are more than attracted. You had relations. You. I think now you have doubts about your future. And I think you need time to have it proven and believe that she is not the right woman for you."
"Her family name alone proves she's not the right woman for me."
Wei could not dispute that.
Even if Xiao Lang was sure of his feelings and pursued the courtesan, nothing good could come out of it. The Face he would lose - the family's Face - would be too great a price. Yelan would not allow it. His uncles would not entertain the idea. And in the family, relationships and most importantly marriages were not a personal decision. You were at most, given a buffet of options, and you picked whom you preferred.
The Li essence of godliness and superiority had to be maintained. To be with a "commoner" would be too... human. And worse, there was no financial advantage there.
As Xiao Lang turned on his heels and marched away, Wei thought of the proverb "the nail that sticks out gets hammered." The young master was a force of nature who had acquired his own businesses and much respect over the years. But, he could not possibly survive the retribution the members of his family could dispense for embarrassing their name with a courtesan. From Japan.
Later that evening, members of the Li family who had arrived the day before for the pre-wedding celebrations began gathering in the banquet hall. Xiao Lang's sisters, dressed in traditional wear, were as usual, the life of the affair. Their beauty and charisma were attractive to men and women alike and no feud ever lingered too long when they were in the room. Meilin, dressed in a fitted, sequined gold gown was already present and enjoying the unconditional attention of the sisters and the guests.
Wei's heart warmed as he gazed at her. Who knew that the gangly, spirited child that perpetually followed Xiao Lang around like a famished puppy, would grow into such a poised and captivating young woman?
Several minutes passed and Wei, wondering what was keeping the bridegroom, headed to Xiao Lang's quarters to see if he needed help with anything. The domestics had learned to stay clear of him unless he explicitly asked for their aid, so he may be suffering alone with the task of dressing himself. Wei chuckled slightly as he climbed the staircase. No matter the child's attitude or behaviour, Wei would always be on his side. He understood why Xiao Lang acted the way he did, but he hoped that he would allow himself in time, to be vulnerable enough to experience true happiness.
Before I go to the grave, most preferably.
Wei drew a deep breath when he made it to the top of the stairs. He had made peace with the fact that his time on earth could be any day now. At least, he would see Xiao Lang settled down before then.
He found the young master at his writing desk, reading the prenup. He acknowledged Wei with a glance and signed the document. Wei watched him as he fastened the wooden toggles of his Chinese suit. It was dark green silk with a faint gold mural embroidered on it with elegant craftsmanship.
"I was thinking that we could train tomorrow, Wei. Together."
Wei smiled. An apology for earlier, he was sure.
"I would like that very much," he said.
"Good."
"Your uncles will want to go horseback riding."
"We'll work around them."
Wei nodded and retrieved the prenup from the desk.
"Do you think she will resent having to sign it?" asked Xiao Lang.
Wei looked at him.
"Meilin will forgive you."
"I let her down."
"You fell. Once. You promised not to do so again and you've always kept your word to her. In time, I believe she'll forgive you."
"What if she tells Mother?"
"I also believe that Meilin is wise enough to know that marital disputes should be kept between husband and wife." He gave a cunning beam. "And an impartial, trustworthy confidante if necessary."
Xiao Lang nodded slowly.
"Mother won't forgive me. She would say," and he drew himself up tall and stiff, his eyes turning to slits and his voice acidic, "'you are your father's son, but do you have to be a precise replica of him?'"
Wei would have laughed if the presentation had not been so dauntingly accurate.
"Madam Yelan loves you," he said, inclining his head. "She would forgive you too."
A range of emotions swirled within Xiao Lang's brown eyes.
"She's never forgiven me for taking Father's side," he said, walking into his closet – which was an adjoining room - to look at himself in the full-length mirror.
"What makes you say that?"
"She still refuses to hold my gaze."
"And you believe that is anger directed at you?"
"What else could it be?"
Shame, thought Wei. Doubt.
Members of affluent families were always interacting, always talking. But they never spoke about their feelings or attempted to water their relationships so that they could bloom. The Li sisters were close to one another but even they had solid compartments built into their hearts. Xiao Lang headed down to the festivities and he followed behind slowly, contemplating if he could get mother and son to sit down with each other some time and work through their issues.
As tended to happen after dinner was served and eaten, the family members separated into two groups: men and women. Your age was of little consequence. Once you were of the specific sex, you were part of the crew, as the young people said. So naturally, though unlike the others, he was not a Li in some way, Wei went with Xiao Lang and his uncles and cousins into the smoking room.
"So, you decided on Meilin eh," said Chao, the eldest of the Li brothers since Xiao Lang's father, Zihao passed away. He was the most vociferous of the lot and he was also the most ruthless. "Personally, I would have gone for Yelan's second cousin Mao, but to each his own."
"Why Mao?" asked his brother, Song, already puffing on a fat cigar. He looked like a member of the mob with his classic, brushed back, side-parted hair.
"She's more water than fire," said Chao, accepting a glass of coconut brandy from a butler. "Fiery women can be unbearable."
"Here I was thinking it was her magnificent tits."
"You can buy tits. What you can't buy is an agreeable disposition."
"Meilin is very agreeable," said Xiao Lang, holding Chao's gaze. "And I prefer a woman with personality."
"Sometimes nephew," said Song, with a grin. "You speak and I hear Zihao. He did not like them boring either."
Taking a seat, he added, "He did like a nice pair of tits though."
There was laughter among the men, and the older ones each tried to recall something amusing that Zihao liked to indulge in when he was alive. Eventually, the point of conversation returned to Xiao Lang.
"All that being said, we like Meilin," proclaimed Chao, smoothing a hand down his black, neck-length slicked back hair. "She'll make handsome sons. Where's the honeymoon?"
"Dubai," said Xiao Lang, relaxing somewhat into the sofa seat.
Chao nodded.
"I have some business in Abu Dhabi. Perhaps you can see to my interests while you are there."
"What does it entail?" asked Xiao Lang.
Wei gave an imperceptible shake of his head. This was the time for the men, most of whom were married, to be giving Xiao Lang encouraging words of advice. But as customary, they were all concerned with talking about money. Who had it. Where to keep it. How to make more. Wei studied Xiao Lang as the night went on. His brain was tuned into the conversation, educating his uncles and learning from them. However, emotionally, he was absent from the discourse. Half-alive in fact. That was his state and no one else was cognizant enough to pick up on it.
Li Jinhai, Meilin's father burst through the double doors suddenly, and the room went into an uproar.
"Where have you been?"
"You still owe me money!"
"This is the hour you show up?"
Jinhai batted all the jeering voices away with his hands.
"I just flew in from the mainland."
"Ah, the model," winked Song, knowingly.
Jinhai grinned as he headed for the box of cigars sitting on a Ming dynasty table.
"It was a lawyer," he said. "There's nothing like fucking a woman who thinks she's smarter than you."
Song smirked.
"Can't fault you there."
Jinhai laughed good-naturedly and he went over to his soon to be son-in-law. He greeted Xiao Lang and sat next to him, offering a cigar which was accepted.
"Ready for the big day? Son?" he asked.
"I am," said Xiao Lang, his restrained attitude a sharp contrast to Jinhai's high-spirited one.
It seemed like he was the older of the two men, but when Jinhai offered to light his cigar, though Wei knew he disliked them, he smoked it to satisfy the man.
"Good," said Jinhai. "Now we are all grown men here so I'll speak plainly. Meilin is my only daughter. You care for her. I see this. But I'm not a doe-eyed virgin. You'll have other interests. But when you get a second woman, be discrete."
Wei closed his eyes in frustration. He had a brief moment of hope. The other men though, nodded in agreement.
"I won't have another," said Xiao Lang.
Jinhai laughed and he signalled the butler for two drinks.
"Men, this is young love at its finest!"
"You mean you spent all those months in Japan and didn't sample the pussy?" asked Song, his eyes popping out of their sockets. "Xiao Lang. You're a Li. How could you?"
"He's a liar," said Chao, scrutinizing his nephew as he stroked his trimmed goatee.
And to Wei's surprise, Xiao Lang glared at his elder.
"He's not saying anything," said one of Xiao Lang's cousins.
"Exactly. He's lying. Trust me. A bullshitter knows a bullshitter."
"Leave the man alone. If he doesn't want a mistress he doesn't want one," Jinhai bit out in amusement.
He handed a glass of whisky to Xiao Lang and kept one for himself.
"Every man needs another woman or two at some point," said Song. "It's natural. You think we make fresh sperm every day for nothing? We need to release our seed into tight, preferably young pussies. It's genetics. To go against such instinctual programming is ludicrous."
"You talk so much shit, Song," said another cousin, spreading his arms wide. "Men like to fuck! The End."
"It's not shit," said Jinhai. "The earth has significantly more women. Why? Because they exist for the pleasure of men and to bear children. Since they typically have one at a time, we have options to keep ourselves busy while they focus on motherhood. As Zihao would say if he were here: some are diamonds to be wed, others are gold to be bed."
"Touché," said Chao.
"How many women on average do we have between us?"
"Three," said Chao, looking around at the men present.
"Are they all taken care of? Are their bellies full?" Jinhai raised his glass of liqour. "For our selfless service womankind, you're welcome."
Wei caught Xiao Lang's weary gaze. He took a sip of his brandy, his burning cigar nestled between his first and middle fingers.
"Perhaps you can give the young master some advice on having a happy marriage," said Wei, as there was a lull in the conversation.
"What! You want us to teach him about pink unicorns too?" laughed Chao.
"The first year or two are the best. Then the novelty wears thin," said Song.
"Then you live in misery."
"On opposite wings of the mansion," added Jinhai.
"Until you bring the mistress home and suddenly she remembers where your bed is," said Song, sullenly. "Bitch."
"They make it sound grim," said Xiao Lang as he escorted Wei to his chambers at the end of the night. "Marriage, I mean. They always do but it's different now that it's my turn."
"Marriage is full of up and downs," said Wei. "Some prefer to speak about the latter. And some contribute greatly to their own unhappiness."
Xiao Lang sighed.
"And why do they always think I'm screwing every woman I see?"
Wei coughed to hide his smile.
"And Uncle Jinhai," he said, with a shake of the head. "To actually encourage it."
"He holds no illusion of what men are capable of, and he has made the best possible match for Meilin. What he asks, I can see from his perspective, is quite sensible for his daughter's sake. And... he clearly arrived inebriated."
They stopped outside Wei's door.
"Will that be all Master Xiao Lang?" he asked, before he opened it.
"It was not that I was capable of being unfaithful," he told Wei, quietly. "I was incapable of resisting her."
Wei touched his arm endearingly.
"It's all history now. You should rest up," he said. "Off to bed with you."
Xiao Lang nodded and walked away. Wei hoped it really was history because a ruminating Xiao Lang will only lead to pain for everyone involved.
When Syaoran imagined his and Meilin's wedding day, it was a scene out of an ancient imperial procession - drums beating, horns blazing, people dressed in the most expensive and elaborate wear they could find because well, Yelan would have it no other way. It was not quite like that, however. At least, there were no horns and drums but instead, there was the international symphony orchestra and three hired celebrity entertainers – an opera sensation, an A-list pop star and a veteran, Chinese classical dancer.
He bit his tongue. He had given up any rights to complain about Meilin's excesses.
The days had flown by with the speed of a bullet train. The interior of one of the mansion's huge ballrooms had been transformed into every woman's princess bride fantasy. Simple, white chairs were arranged around the grand, gold-plated staircase in a semi-circle with a path for Meilin to walk to him on a red carpet, sprinkled with white rose petals. Flowering peony branches hung from the ceilings, looking like they were growing down on the guests beneath. Syaoran stood at the base of the staircase with the officiate of the ceremony, studying the elaborate chandelier his mother had arranged to be crafted just for this occasion. It was more modern than she would have liked so perhaps Meilin had been allowed some say in the matter?
Hundreds of people stared at Syaoran from where he was standing. His head grew light and his ears buzzed. He glanced at Yamazaki who sat in the crowd of onlookers and Eriol who stood beside him. Yamazaki nodded in solidarity while Eriol smirked wickedly. He would have preferred Yamazaki next to him but it was a family affair and Chao had insisted the three groomsmen be cousins. They had practiced all of this two nights ago but today was show-time and for Meilin's health and the wedding planner's safety, he hoped nothing went wrong.
The symphony began playing the wedding tune, sending a shock to Syaoran's heart. He cast a sidelong glare at the orchestra. It was making him edgier than he already was. His youngest sisters, Fanren and Feimei came down the aisle first, dressed in long white dresses. He glanced at Yamazaki again and saw the man's expression softened as he gazed at Chiharu, no doubt thinking of their upcoming nuptials.
As Feimei passed by Syaoran to stand to his right, she whispered, "She's absolutely beautiful."
Moments later, Meilin appeared at the end of the long red carpet. She slowly moved towards him, a bouquet of peonies in her hands. Her dress hugged the curves of her body sophisticatedly and a diamond encrusted tiara sat atop her wrapped up hair. The closer she came, the more stunning she looked. Syaoran could feel everyone's eyes on him, trying to ascertain what he was feeling as he looked at her. He could not help it. He gave a small smile.
But, her smile was the brightest he had ever seen it and when he took her hand, he wanted with all his heart to be a good husband to her; and when they said their vows, he meant each word. Eriol held out a platinum wedding band and he took it. She started to cry as he slipped it onto her ring finger. He wiped the tear away as Fanren gave her his ring. In the blink of an eye, a platinum band was on the fourth finger of his left hand and he was kissing his new wife.
People clapped and cheered. He could hear a helicopter in the distance - no doubt a news crew trying to get some exclusive footage to boost their ratings and careers, while giving Meilin's fans what they wanted – unrestricted access to her life. Part of Syaoran felt fulfilled but another part, a smaller part, felt ensnared.
The reception took place in the largest ballroom in the mansion. If the ceremony was a fantasy, the reception was a fairy tale. How they managed to be walking on water, covered over by glowing blue glass was something he would have to ask about later. Fishes swam underneath their feet and he hoped no one decided to be adventurous and buy sharks.
"Did I do a good job?" asked Meilin, interlacing their fingers together.
"You did," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "I'm glad everything's turned out exactly like you wanted it."
Before dinner, Yamazaki got up and told a surprisingly serious story about love. It was all lies but it was inspiring. Syaoran paled when he realised he would have to top that next year. But he relaxed when he remembered he had Ming to do that, though deep down he knew that he would never let her write his best friend's wedding speech. It was comforting to know he could make her do it if he wanted her to though. He glanced around the sea of faces surrounding rows of tables draped in white linen, until he found her typing into a cell phone, no doubt answering his emails.
Later that night, Syaoran stood near one of the many water fountains decorating a third ballroom reserved for dancing, sipping champagne from a glass and gazing up at the beautiful display of lights hanging from the ceiling.
"Xiao Lang?"
He looked behind him.
"Mei."
"Everyone wants to take more pictures before we leave," she said, grabbing onto his arm and kissing his cheek. "Husband."
Syaoran finished his drink and placed it on a waiter's tray as the man walked by. Husband. They really were married. It made him look at Meilin differently. She was not just his fiancée. She was his wife who he had a duty to protect and cherish. His responsibility to her increased drastically in one day but he embraced it as he did everything else that was thrown at him.
They had barely taken three steps when his mother intercepted them, her intricate, long ponytail swaying slightly behind her.
"I'm proud of you Xiao Lang," she said.
"Thank you, Mother."
"And you too daughter," she said to Meilin, hugging her tightly. "I'm very proud."
Their black hair and ruby red lips were almost identical. Meilin looked more like Yelan than her own children who appeared more like their father, Syaoran most of all. He had a sneaking suspicion Yelan could not have waited to call Meilin her daughter. He saw Meilin's mother and father heading in their direction and he excused himself, not wanting to deal with all the guests and their endless supplies of compliments and well wishes.
He walked into the restroom hallway and leaned against the wall. He knew today was the happiest day of Meilin's life thus far and trying to act like it was the same for him was taking its toll. Sure he was content and satisfied with everything, but somehow he was not connecting to anything around him. Maybe he should go upstairs and take a nap to recharge his batteries.
He closed his eyes tight. There was total blackness for a few seconds before familiar green eyes materialized.
"Meilin's looking for you."
Syaoran's eyes flew open, heart thumping hard. Eriol was standing a few feet away from him, a calculating expression on his face. Calming down, Syaoran brushed past him.
"Something bothering you cousin?" he asked, making Syaoran halt in his tracks.
"Besides the irritating thorn in my side?"
Eriol's grin was broad.
"The honeymoon isn't in Japan is it? That would be in poor taste." Then he added, "But quite convenient."
"It would also be convenient if you turned up missing."
"Is that a threat?" asked Eriol, like it was a treat. "Be kind, Xiao Lang. Anyone could have felt the tension between you two. Frankly, I'm surprised Tomoyo-san did not pick up on it too. You should have seen your face when they were trying to pair her up with Ebisawa. I don't believe he minded though."
Syaoran's nostrils flared.
"Eriol..."
"At first, I thought you were just attracted to her. I saw how your gaze followed her at the club. Imagine my surprise when she said you two broke up. I didn't think you had it in you."
"I know you like your games," said Syaoran, fingers curling into fists. "But leave it alone. It's my wedding day. There's nothing more to talk about anyway."
"It really is over then?" asked Eriol. "You and her?'
"Why do you care?"
Eriol took a step towards him.
"She's pretty. An American business associate of mine has a proclivity for Japanese women. We do what we have to do to make the best deal, don't we?"
Syaoran knew Eriol was trying to burrow under his skin with his words and it worked like a charm. His stare hardened.
"She's not a prostitute."
"You took a girl to bed, whom you hired, but she's not a prostitute? What is she then, dear cousin? A trained masseuse?"
"You just stay away from her," said Syaoran.
"Are you afraid she would like me more? She had wanted to be my date at the business dinner. Could you tell? But I gave her to you."
Syaoran took the bait.
"Why?"
Eriol walked past him, an impish expression on his face.
"Meilin's looking for you."
Syaoran rest his fist against the wall and ground it into the concrete. Annoying as he was, Eriol had hit a sore spot earlier. Sakura had slept with him and now he knew that the possibility that she would sleep with someone else was real. That irked him. Even as he boarded his jet with Meilin that night to fly to Dubai for their honeymoon, it irked him.
The honeymoon did nothing to take his mind off Sakura. No matter what he did, she was there nudging him at the back of his mind. One night he kicked the bedsheets off himself and walked onto the bedroom balcony. There was a deep black ocean in the distance, the horizon line sparkling from the starlight above and if Syaoran squinted hard enough he convinced himself he could see the shoreline of Japan.
It was after two where he was, so that meant Sakura was probably still asleep since it would mean it was after seven in Tokyo. What did she get up to when she was on her own? Was she going out? Was she searching for a husband again? Was she thinking about him like he thought about her? It was the unknown that weighed on Syaoran's mind. He wanted to be sure of where she was, who she was with, what she was doing. He was aware that he sounded like a stalker but the way he saw it, she had given herself to him. She chose him. Now she belonged to him.
He strode back into the bedroom, passed Meilin's sleeping form and grabbed his laptop from the work desk in the corner of the room. He moved into the adjoining living room, sat down on the sofa and slowly opened it. As it came on, the screen cast a soft glow on his face in the otherwise dim room.
He had not been on the Hikaru House's website in weeks. Not since he had confessed his deeds with Sakura to Meilin. He knew however, that he needed to pay for a fresh month or she would be available for someone new at the end of November. He was not planning to pay but for sentimental reasons he had to look at her as he used to, remember the time when things were not as complicated.
As had become habit, he pulled up the page with the courtesan listings and scrolled through to find her page so he could extend his time with her. He reached the fourth row of girls. Her picture was always the third one in the row. Odd. He continued scrolling until he reached the bottom of the page. Had he missed her? He scrolled up, down and up again. His breath caught in his windpipe.
The fuck?
He went back to the room, grabbed his phone from the bedside table and went out onto the balcony. He dialled the Hikaru House. The secretary answered promptly.
"This is Li Syaoran. Why is Sa...kamoto Ayame's account not on the website? I want to update my payment."
"Oh, Li-sama. Ah, please hold."
Syaoran frowned. Hold?
"Li-san, good morning," came the voice of Matsushita.
It sounded too sly and triumphant for his liking.
"What happened to my courtesan's account on the website."
"I apologize Li-san, Sakamoto Ayame will no longer be available to you after November."
"Excuse me?"
"She should have told you that she has decided to pursue other interests. She will no longer be a courtesan of the Hikaru House."
Syaoran's blood ran cold. What? He knew she was angry but this was drastic.
"I was unable to see her for some time," he said. "I had a situation to deal with. Inform her that I would like her back in the penthouse on the 28th."
"I will. And Li-san."
He waited.
"She told me what occurred between the two of you. Since I cannot trust your word, we will be unable to work together further."
"Understood."
Syaoran did not give a fuck. He had only ever wanted Sakura. He did not care for any other courtesan in Matsushita's possession.
"Please enjoy the rest of your day," said Matsushita, managing to sound genuine. "Goodbye."
Syaoran bent over the balcony breathing hard. Sakura had not told him that she was planning on leaving. If he had not wanted to view her pictures, he would have woken up one day and she would have been gone for good.
His throat tightened. How could she just… let him go? So simply? After all that she said and gave to him? Was Wei right? Was she just pretending to care?
He squinted into the distance, his mind and spirit already in Japan. Had she already found someone else? Was it Ebisawa Kenichi? Where was she right now? At her apartment? In another man's arms?
He exhaled heavily into the dewy night air, his body feeling nauseatingly light. He should not have asked to see her two weeks from now. He should call Matsushita back and cancel. But, how could he? Sakura was his courtesan. He was invested. They had unfinished business.
He would do what he said he wanted to. He would apologize and he would try to mend the fences he had broken. Then he would go his separate way.
He gazed back at Meilin on the bed.
He had to.
A/N
Thank you for your reviews:
Lovehate (I know how this ends, so I kinda want a happy ending too but it can't be forced), MidnightMarigold (I'm glad you're up to speed), Big Fan (I listened to the song. Thank you! It was lovely and it may also apply to the next 2 chapters which are Sakura's POV. I knew of Abe Mao but never heard that song :) It was so sweet to take the time to translate it for me and other reviewers. I used her name in the chapter for you lol), Guest (I'm hurrying!), Guest (Well it was Wei's. Syao is a dumbass. yup. but unsure as well),
Raz3r (wow. I agree. From the chappie you can see Meilin is well-versed with cheaters. I want her happy too. I can say sooo much in response but I think Syaoran has good values, however some bad values are tolerated in his family. so he knows he can get away with it. But he doesn't want to be able to get away with it since it will hurt Meilin. But because he KNOWS he can get away with it, it makes it easier to slip into "bad values" time without sorting out himself and his feelings. You know? lol sry if that confused you. I'm tired. As for Meilin, she knows he's gonna fuck up (oh, i don't curse in real life but its fun on here hehe) but what can she do? complain? everyone she knows is in a similar situation. And she doesn't press him too much because I think deep inside she knows his feelings are not what she wants them to be (hence her suspicious nature). I'll stop here, I need to get to the other reviews!),
Lit af (You're not weird. You're awesome :) CONFLICTED is the theme of this for real. Even I'm hating on the ass), Real world (Thank you for explaining WAGS to me. I always wondered what it meant. Yup, Meilin knows her role and she is playing it), Guest (I will try to have 2 more fast updates after this one!), Reader (I hope you enjoyed this chapter), Cielli (Thanks. Meilin was difficult to write honestly. Still working on her POV), Maru (OMG. If I ever need a filler cuz I have writer's block I will so write the Bell Boy's POV! You guessed right it was Wei), Ai Star (Oh wow back), Myname (Depending on how things unfold I will try to work out a happy ending... kinda...), Guest (You're welcome :)), Farala (I don't know why :(. I have no answers for you right now but since more and more people want a happy ending I'm bordering on bittersweet right now, so we will see...yikes),
Arise and Awaken (Well I hope she doesn't find out its Sakura because Sakura aint know about kung fu! :( And yes she doesn't know that Syaoran put poor Saku through some shit too. But women tend to blame the other woman when they should blame the man... so...), A (Yes, Sakura sees him as as sort of perfect and untouchable but Meilin sees him in more detail though he is still distant when it comes to her as well. oooh multiverses, I like it!), lhaine07 (And you don't have to sympathize! lol. He did lure her. Bastard. I think he feeds off her attention),
Khiyo Gizele (yup. they were. but will she stay strong next chapter? hmm. so many things can happen at this point right? so yes it is unpredictable. and you're right they are not stepping out their comfort zones. hmm. Sakura did this chapter a bit but she will meet some people in the upcoming chapters who will definitely change her in some ways. you're right as well about his ego), mszapata13 ( that pic may come out to haunt him later on. Why isn't anyone vexed Meilin tried to snoop through his phone though? LOL.), becomeafan (Nooo. It's Wei. yup Meilin just blamed Sakura. smh. hmm, I don't know if he is consciously in love but I know he wants to explore this relationship/situations with Sakura), b2utifulshawol (coming right up!)
Until next time, Ja ne! ^_^
P.S Hands up if you hate Xiao Lang's Uncles! Next chapter is done. just gotta edit. Next chapter is called Everything Between Us (wink wink Big Fan) Sry for the long A/N but you reviewers had me laughing so I had to respond. Oh my goodness you all are the best!