This is my horror story of the decade. Think of it as my "Psycho". (Did I just say that?) Let us begin.

Orlando Bloom:

Sickening

Well, I was walking down some rather street in somewhere, and and and! ORLANDO BLOOM WAS THERE! Ew. For those of you who don't know me, I HATE Orlando Bloom. He is the most obnoxious and annoying actor I've ever seen (he said PotC 2 was better than PotC 1, so therefore his taste sucks too), and he makes me throw up when he comes onscreen. Well, anyway, he decided the kill the sidewalk that I had been walking on FIRST.

Then worst of worsts, he saw me...

"Look at that hot girl!" he said dorkily. (word) Was he even talking about me?! DID HE CALL ME HOT?!?!?! AHHHHHHH! He decided to run up to me, as thirty hundred Sueish girls followed him, drooling. Yuuck. He makes me sick. As he ran up to me, he called, "What is your name, sexy?" Holy crap. You know what they say about dumb blondes? Well, take that and multiply it times rotting bean sprouts times 4,000,589,098,234,736,093.5. And you get: Incredibly idiotic. I say incredibly because it's the opposite of no brain, which is exactly what Mr. Boom had. (yes Boom)

My reply: "Get the heck away from me, pond scum." I was in a VERY cheery mood that day, you see. And, with the person who called me "Sexy" being Orlando Pond Scum, what else was I to say? "You're sexy, too"?! You are all sick if you say that. SICK. And by sick I mean mentally DISTURBED. Were you dropped on your head as a child? From a ridiculously high place? Several times? I thought so. ANYWAYS, on with story.

He was quiet for a moment (thank goodness), but then he decided to bore me again. "What is your name, hottie?" Apparently he doesn't comprehend "Get the heck away".

"I am your worst nightmare." I stared him down with such a glare that he SHOULD have been able to figure out (even with his no brain) that I HATED HIS BLOODY GUTS! AND I WISHED THAT THEY WERE VERY INTERNALLY BLOODY AND um DYING!

"You are the hottest girl I've ever seen." I guess he didn't get the hint. Then, he LUNGED towards me! AHH! In my reflexes, I simply took a step backward. He fell on his face. On the concrete. And I laughed. Very hard. Then, he got up again, and had his thirty hundredsome Sues grab hold of me (nastiness) and HE KISSED ME! It was the most atrocious experience I have EVER had. Fortunately, his mere breath disgusted my uvula (the little jiggly hangy-down thing in your throat that makes you gag) and it decided to make a call. To my stomach.

Stomach said, "Okay time for food go up." And all the little pieces of food packed their bags and headed upstream. Up the esophagus. And into my mouth. And into Boom's mouth. Hahaha.

So, to make the story short, I barfed into his mouth. And he never looked at me again. The end.

-Bitten

Oh, did I forget to tell you that barf is poisonous?

Hehehehe.