Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and its characters do not belong to me, the manga was created by Hiromu Arakawa, so I assume it belongs to her. The dub of the version of the anime this was based off of is by Funimation. This is just a humor parody written for fun.

…

I formally apologize for the long wait between this chapter and the most recent one. To write these chapters, I re-watch the respective dubbed episode so that I can get a good reminder of what happens and which jokes I can do. However Funimation took the dubbed episodes offline so I couldn't see them. While I do have the entire Brotherhood series on DVD, I do not want to watch them on my computer while typing, for I fear that multitasking with a DVD in my computer would damage said DVD. Now that I've explained myself, here is the chapter.

Episode 25: Gluttony's Inside Story

…

HOLOGRAM

…

Last time, Ed, Ling, and Envy were eaten by Gluttony. Mustang found out that King Bradley was evil. And Mike Dawson finally figured out who killed Rita.

Ed was still in the infinite cavern of ankle-high blood. The boy began to search for Ling, but he wasn't having much luck.

"Ling Yao! Come out, come out, wherever you are! … Hello? Anyone? I swear if you're busy gorging yourself, I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what?" Ling asked threateningly. Ed turned around to find his friend holding a torch. "In fact, how do I even know you're the real Ed? That walking palm tree can shape shift!"

"Come on Ling, do you really think I'm Envy?"

"Hey! Today alone I found out that not only am I not an alien, but that Scooby Doo is also evil! I don't know what's what anymore! So forgive me if I'm a bit short with you!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?" the rage from Ed reached cartoon-like proportions.

Ling nodded. "Okay, you're Ed. And to prove I'm Ling, I'll tell you every time I've said the word 'space'. Ahem-" Ed started to panic.

"No Ling that's alright, I believe you! Just please… don't."

The prince from Xing started looking around. "Well since Gluttony ate us, I'd figure we're in his stomach. Oh and hey, there's part of the cabin that he ate! … And hey, there's a steak!"

"Oh, Al's not gonna like what Gluttony's done to the cabin. He just loves it so much."

"Ed, he really doesn't."

Ed completely ignored Ling and started moving on. He turned back to the prince and shouted to him. "Come on, we've got to find an exit!"

As Ed kept walking, he saw Al's left hand. "When did… oh I guess a small piece of Al got caught in here too." Ling watched as Ed stared intently at the gauntlet for a long time. To the prince's surprise, Ed started flailing it around.

"Ed?"

"NOW CONVENIENTLY AWAKEN, TELEPATHIC POWERS! SUPER DUPER ELRIC TELEPATHY GO! … AL, CAN YOU HEAR ME? ALPHONSE?"

…

An older man was staring out of his window as his wife walked up to him. "Billy, come back to bed. You have work in the morning."

"But… but Martha it feels like someone's trying to contact me. … And I think they have the wrong number."

…

Ed lowered the hand. "Well that plan didn't work. Think I should try again?" However Ling's response was to just shake his head. "What if I transmute a hole in the ground and we fall out?"

"Hmm…" Ling pondered as he rubbed his chin, "I guess it could work. We'd have to test it with something like a torch first. Now I'm sure that this plan will work and we will get out of here!"

It didn't work. They didn't get out.

…

In the alleyways of Central, May plopped down in front of a burning box. She was upset due to the absence of her panda, Shao May. All the while, Yoki was holding a stick with a marshmallow on it over the fire.

"Mr. Yoki, I can't find Shao May! What do you think?"

"It's probably dead." Yoki told the girl. May glared at Yoki, and the man made a face best described as a 'troll face' in response. May kept glaring, but Yoki's expression never changed. They held this up for five whole minutes before Scar spoke up in an attempt to change the subject. Of the few things Yoki could actually do to intimidate Scar, that face was one of them.

"Uhhh say, how'd that cat get so small anyway?"

May shook her head. "Shao May's not a cat, she's a panda. But when she was a baby, she got a disease and now she'll always be small."

"I'm not sure if that's an actual dis-" Yoki started, but Scar and May glared at him. "Er, go on."

…

May was all alone somewhere in Xing, walking through the rain. To keep her dry, she had a large leaf. As the girl strolled back to her home, she found a sad little panda getting soaked. May bent down to get a closer look and maybe even pet the poor thing.

"Aww, are you-" the panda bit her. "AAAAAHHH! DEMON PANDA! DEMON PANDA!"

"Did you try the Wuxi Finger Hold?" Scar's voice was heard as he asked, back in the present.

"The what?" The current May was confused.

"Never mind, back to the story."

The following happened as May narrated. "I took care of Shao May and nursed her back to health. After that, we were inseparable. To be without her now feels like I'm missing an arm or something."

…

Scar stood up and pulled a hood over his head. He looked down to May Chang. "I'll help you find her." May's eyes lit up.

"You will?" she rocketed over and latched onto Scar's leg. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Tha-" Distressed, Scar called to Yoki.

"Gorman, get her off me!" but when Scar looked, Yoki was making the troll face again. Scar shuddered.

…

After a long and tiring trek through the Sea of Ankle Blood, as Ed had dubbed it, the two boys found refuge on a small island. What Ed was currently up to was watching in disbelief as Ling had finished eating the boot that had covered Ed's metal foot.

"Ling… when I said that it was edible, I meant that I had to-"

"LING HUNGRY! LING WANT MORE!"

Ed shook his head in disbelief. "Imagine. The guy gets eaten and he starts complaining about getting hungry."

"Tell me about it." a raspy voice agreed. "What a weirdo!"

"You said it." Ed started nodding. Then he realized something. "Wait, who said that?" Ed turned around to find Envy. "Oh it's you. Blah. … That reminds me, how do you-"

"LING WANT MORE FOOD!"

"Not now, Ling. How does one leave-"

"FOOOD, ED! FOOOOOOOOOOD!"

"SHUT UP, LING! ENVY, TELL US HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

Envy scowled. "You don't. All three of us are royally screwed! All because of Gluttony's lousy Portal of Truth!"

"The what now?" Ed was confused. "Sir- or ma'am- I've been through the Portal of Truth. That was not the Portal of Truth." With his left hand, Ed snapped his fingers in an S motion and put his hands on his hips. "Mm-mm."

"Well that's because Gluttony is a failed Portal of Truth."

"Oh." Ed was educated. "I get it."

"But yeah, we're totally going to die."

"No! But I'm already hungry again!" Ling moaned. He got onto his knees. "NOOOOOOOO-"

…

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST - May Chang, Shao May

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST - Envy

…

"-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"SHUT UP!" Ed and Envy scolded the prince in unison.

"Well since you guys caused everything else that sucks, I'm gonna guess you homunculi had a hand in Ishval too?" Ed asked. Envy busted up laughing.

"Oh man, that takes me back! Best day of my life! I really got under you humans' skin that time! If I died later that die, I'd have died happy! The only time that comes close was the time that I killed Mae- … Never you mind. Come on kids, it's Envy's Story Time."

"Yay!" Ed and Ling sat down to eagerly listen to Envy's tale.

"Ahem…" the jealous homunculus started.

…

Envy's Story: One that is much, much, much better than Sloth's story because he is stupid and I am not and I have better hair than him and his hair is a rip-off mine: The Squeakuel

Once upon a time, I disguised myself as an Amestrian soldier and shot some little Ishvalan girl during broad daylight. Everyone got mad, the actual soldier didn't have an alibi, so he was framed and court-martialed, and then we had a war. Later that day, I ate an entire pizza in one sitting. True story.

…

As a foreigner, Ling did not give the story much thought. Ed, on the other hand, was completely disgusted to have discovered this news. "You… you… did that?" Envy was making the troll face. Ed's expression then changed. "Pics or it didn't happen."

Envy stopped making the face. "Wait, you really don't believ-"

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Ed clocked Envy in the Adam's apple.

"AAAHH!" Envy was screaming. The attack didn't do much damage at all, it was mainly just that Envy was caught off-guard.

"Ling, give me some more of that pocket sand!"

"I'm out. … Or maybe I have more. That depends, is your other boot on the menu?"

Ed turned to argue with Ling, but the foreigner opened his eyes very wide. "Ling, I know you're hungry and I know this isn't your country! But come on, show a little respect! … What are you looking at?"

"… Envy."

"What about him?" Ed turned around. "Oh yeah big bad Envy is… Oh."

Envy had become a giant, green dinosaur with many arms. His hair was the same, and he had a bunch of vaguely humanoid creatures sticking out of his torso. His eyes were also strange, the right had a black sclera but the same blue iris, while the left eye had six purple irises and pupils.

"SURPRISE! This is my real form, ***ches!"

"Oh that's just not fair." Ed complained. Those were his last words before Envy's tail swatted him and Ling to the unknown reaches of Gluttony's belly.

…

Gluttony and Al were just sitting in the forest on the day after their big night. Al's left hand was missing, and the homunculus was eying Shao May as if she were a walking pizza bagel.

"Can I-"

"For the last time, no. You can't eat her." Al told Gluttony.

"Oh… I'm in trouble! Father will be mad that I ate a sacrifice candidate!"

Al perked up. "Wait, what? You have a father?"

"Uh-huh!" Gluttony nodded and smiled upon thinking of Father. "He made us! He can do anything!"

"(There's still a chance that Brother is alive. I don't know how I know that, though. … Oh well. Might as well see what this guy's talking about.) Gluttony, take me to see your father."

"Okay! Can we stop at the restaurant?"

"Gluttony…"

"Oh fine…" Gluttony complained.

…

Roy Mustang was in the Fuhrer's office with Wrath the Furious himself. King Bradley.

"(I've gone this far and he hasn't killed me. Nice. Still, better see what I can find out.) So, uh… now what?"

"Hm?" Bradley turned around. "Oh Colonel Mustang, I didn't know you were coming over."

"Sir, you brought me in here."

"… Oh yeah. Yep, the homunculi have pretty much been running the show from the start. You humans are annoying." Bradley turned back to the window, leaving Mustang confused by his words.

"Wait what about Hughes's funeral? You seemed upset then!" the colonel pointed out.

"Well…" started Bradley, "not for the reasons you might think. I mean you kept standing there with your mouth wide open the whole time like an idiot! Then that sissy Armstrong starts weeping, which caused Hughes's daughter to start weeping, and the mood was ruined! Does nobody know how to hold a good funeral anymore? When I die, I want only my killer to be by my side. My wife won't be there, she doesn't need to see me in my weakest moment."

Mustang was shocked. "Now hold on a minute, you just mentioned your wife but not your son."

Bradley laughed. "As if!" The wrathful homunculus continued to laugh for a minute or two. "Trust me, you don't know anything about Selim. He'd probably kill me himself if it made him look good! But that aspect of my life is none of your business. By the way, I'm transferring all of your men."

Roy spit the milk he was suddenly drinking all over Bradley.

"Stay classy."

"What? Why?" Mustang asked. "Why would you do get rid of my men?"

"Because I'm a colossal pr**k."

Mustang sat in silence for a moment. "… Oh… Yeah, that sounds about right."

…

"Lieutenant! I'm being transferred to the south! And Breda's heading to the west!" Fuery complained to Hawkeye outside of Central Command. This was news to her.

"What? Are you serious? And what about Falman?"

"… What about Falman?"

"Touche." Hawkeye noted. Fuery pulled out a paper.

"Well if you must know… let's see… he's going north. Oh and you're gonna stay here at Central…"

Hawkeye nodded. "Okay."

"… as Fuhrer King Bradley's personal assistant."

Hawkeye's eyes bulged. "Not okay."

…

"Yep!" said Bradley. "Hawkeye's mine, now. Watch yourself."

Mustang glared at Fuhrer Bradley. On the other hand, Fuhrer Bradley was making the troll face.

…

Ed, the alchemy prodigy with the automail arm. Ling, the greedy and gluttonous prince of Xing. Together, they found themselves face to face with the monstrous Envy the Jealous.

Roy, a leader with ambitions. He was trapped in a room with Fuhrer King Bradley, also known as Wrath the Furious.

Al, a boy's soul in a suit of armor. With nothing else, he had no choice but to trek to the father of the homunculi under Central with the help of Gluttony the Voracious.

And no one got to spend quality time with Sloth the Indolent.

"WHAT A PAIN…" Sloth then made a face that conveyed the feeling of, 'forever alone'.

…

LET IT OUT

…

Next time, it appears that I may be getting a few visitors. … I'm Father, in case you forgot.

(A/N: I think I overused the troll face joke, but I couldn't resist.)

(A/N 2: Again, sorry for the long wait, hopefully it won't happen again. It might, but hopefully not.)

(A/N 3: Once in here, Wrath says "as if". I specifically made him say that as a reference to the catch phrase of Xigbar from Kingdom Hearts II. Another eye patch-wearing villain I like.)

See you next time, State Alchemist

RIP - Isaac, Cornello, Grand, Tucker, Nina, Alexander, Guard, Slicer Brothers, Hughes, Chiko the Cat, Ulchi, Dolcetto, Roa, Martel, Greed, Comanche, Lust, Barry

Outtake:

Ling and Ed seemed to have reunited inside Gluttony's belly.

"In fact, how do I even know you're the real Ed? Are you Ed?"

Ed, in fact turned out to be a cardboard cutout of Ed held up by an older man.

"Nope. It's just Chuck Testa." said the man.