A/N So, I have so much homework to do. I have three papers to write this weekend. But I had to write an update for you guys because you are all so awesome for reviewing. Really. I love you guys. You're the best in the word. I'm so blessed to have you all read and review my story. As always, R/R, and enjoy!
Ryan and Marissa managed to slowly become best friends again. Some moments were harder than others, and trust had to be rebuilt, but they were both willing and able to work their hardest to get each other back again. For once, they both acknowledged to themselves that the other was the best thing to happen in their lives.
It started slowly. They had dinner together like they used to, keeping the air light and innocent. They carefully approached their old internet relationship. Ryan admitted he regretted having to leave, but honestly thought it was the best thing for her through it all. Marissa admitted she had written him email after email and saved them all in her drafts, too afraid to send them. Ryan listened to her recount all the things she used to wish she had said, reaching for her hand and apologizing and explaining he honestly thought it was for the best. And at the end of their dinner, it was like they could finally move on.
They started having dinner every night. She found him in astronomy and sat next to him, sometimes resting her head on his shoulder and just listening when she didn't feel like taking notes. One time while they were walking to get coffee afterwards she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. Little things like that gave Ryan hope that they would beat this whole thing; they would be together soon, he just knew it.
Sometimes he found her staring at him with a serious look on her face. "What? Do I have something on my face?"
She tore her eyes from him, shaking her head, tucking a strand behind her ear. She merely smiled. "Nothing."
He never found out what she saw when she stared at him like that. With their friendship just beginning to blossom again and hopes for a relationship, he hoped that whatever it was – she liked it.
XXXXX
October 25, 1999
MAC_12: Okay, I know what I want us to do today.
RyMAt87: What would that be?
MAC_12: We should write a fairytale together!
RyMAt87: Um… a fairytale?
MAC_12: Yes, a fairytale!
RyMAt87: You realize I'm a guy, right?
MAC_12: Please :)
RyMAt87: Fine, fine. You start.
MAC_12: Okay! Once upon a time, there was a young boy who worked in the stables. He was very handsome and very strong, but no one knew because he was so dirty and no one paid attention to him since he was only a stable boy.
RyMAt87: Um, and there was a princess. A beautiful princess, smarter than anyone else in the land, but no one knew because she was just a princess and they only paid attention to how pretty she was.
MAC_12: One day the stable boy was watering down the horses. He looked up and saw the princess. He was so surprised because the princess was never supposed to be in the stables because someone else always grabbed her horse for her.
RyMAt87: He had seen the princess before, but only at a distance. She was even more beautiful up close. She wore a long pink dress, her hair down and flowing so that he thought she very well could be as pretty as Aphrodite, who his dad said was the prettiest goddess of them all.
MAC_12: While the stable boy looked at her, she observed him. He was dirty, his face smudged by sweat and dirt from all the work he had to do. His clothes were torn, his tunic frayed and filled with holes, and his big toe poked out through his simple moccasins. But despite all this, his eyes were clear and brighter than the sky. She had never seen eyes that beautiful.
RyMAt87: The stable boy, too, got over the princesses' looks. He studied her face, and realized she looked so sad. Her sadness was in her eyes, and even now in her frown. She wasn't happy. She had everything she could ever want, but still she wasn't happy.
MAC_12: The princess, staring him in his beautiful eyes, quietly asked, "Who are you?" She knew he was the stable boy – that much was obvious – but she wanted to know his name. She wanted to know his story.
RyMAt87: The stable boy had never met someone so important or beautiful before, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Whoever you want me to be."
MAC_12: The princess smiled at how silly he was. And his beautiful eyes somehow became more beautiful as he returned her smile. "Okay."
XXXXX
Marissa Cooper was terrified. The more time she spent with Ryan, the more she realized she how incredibly in love she was with him. It seemed easy – she loved him, she was attracted to him, why not just be with him? But as much as her heart longed to be in Ryan's arms all the time, her head adamantly protested that it was just too soon. She wasn't ready.
But the more time she spent with Ryan, the more afraid she became. She would look at him and see his hair fall into his eyes and her heart would swell. She would feel his hand wrapped around hers and her heart would beat so much harder at how right it felt. Sometimes he would glance up at her while they did homework and the softness in his gaze tore straight through all her walls. It scared her; no one should be capable of loving someone else this much. It meant she had so much to lose.
She had already lost her heart once. Twice, actually – to the same guy. And twice he had broken her to little pieces, even if he didn't mean to. Now, she was willing to try to be friends with him again, but the thought of something more terrified her beyond all reason because he could literally break her to the point of no return. If she gave him every single part of herself, what more could she do to make sure she didn't get hurt?
One day they were walking across campus as the sun set. Ryan wanted to show her something, and his excitement made her willing to go anywhere with him. And she knew if he asked, she would go to the moon with him – but she didn't want to be that transparent. She didn't want to be that reliant on one person. Not anymore. Not when it could very seriously destroy every part of herself she worked so hard at rebuilding.
They arrived right outside the architecture building. Marissa raised her eyebrows. "You're taking me to see the architecture building? I've seen that before, Ry." She grinned playfully at him. "You gave me a tour last semester, remember?" And he had, when they first started becoming friends. She had asked him where he felt most comfortable, and he had shown her the classrooms and lecture halls and the place he hoped to design his own building one day in one of the studios.
He shook his head but smiled softly. "No, not exactly. Come on." He took her hand and together they walked inside the building, up a stairwell she hadn't seen before. They went up so many steps that her legs had started burning, but finally they reached a lone door at the very top.
"What is this, a secret attic or something?" She asked now, afraid of the inevitable dark and musky place he would take her into.
He shook his head again, smiling that smile she loved. "No. Trust me?" And he looked at her so seriously that she knew this was a test, but for what she couldn't decide. For their friendship? For a relationship? She couldn't offer him the latter. She just couldn't.
But she found herself nodding, biting her lip as the realization hit her. Yes, she trusted him. She trusted that he would protect her from any sort of outside danger. She just didn't know if he could protect her heart. He opened the door, and instead of darkness, she saw the sun shining brightly – something she always found spectacular, how the sun shone brighter right before it went away. "Wow," she said when they stepped through the door, realizing they were on the roof. She stared out and saw most of the campus, and right over the horizon she could see the sun setting – all pink, orange and beautiful.
"I know. It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked, lacing their fingers together.
They both stared out at the sky, soaking in the beauty. She was glad she had him in her life, even if he scared her. Even if the thought of letting him all the way in again completely terrified her. Moments like this told her she was right to forgive him. After all, she wasn't perfect either. But this view – this moment – it was. "It may even beat a sunset on the beach," she said softly, turning to look at him.
The sunlight made his face glow, and she will admit – she lost her breath. He turned to look at her, his eyes shining all on their own. "I discovered it while we weren't talking." He looked down, seemingly ashamed. "I knew if you ever forgave me, I had to show you." He reached out for her hand again, and she slid her fingers between his. He smiled, squeezed her hand, and then said, "Come on, I made us a picnic." He pulled her to the corner where a blanket and a basket were laid out. They sat and he pulled out the food – sandwiches, grapes, chips, and water. He looked at her, his eyes betraying his fears of inadequacy, his insecurities. He was afraid she wouldn't approve, she realized; the thought seemed absurd. "Is this enough?"
She looked at him through her lashes, the sun reflecting softly in her eyes. "It's perfect."
XXXXX
October 25 (continued)
RyMAt87: He realized what she had said, and laughed, rubbing his arms. "Sorry, I'm Aaron." He reached out his hand for her to shake, but then quickly put it back at his side. Princesses didn't shake hands with stable boys.
MAC_12: She smiled when she saw him drop his hand. Reaching out, she took his hand in both of hers, smiling sweetly at him. Her whole body felt on fire as she looked at him, his eyes telling her that he felt it too. "I'm Cara."
RyMAt87: All his sisters used to tell him that they would know who they would marry because they would feel a spark. He felt a spark with the princess, but he knew he could never act on it. She was the princess. She was so much better than him. "Princess Cara," he reminded her, pulling his hand away.
MAC_12: When he pulled his hand away, she felt like her whole world grew much colder. Was this love? Was love this fast possible? She smiled at him, looking at his beautiful eyes. "Just Cara," she said, because she didn't want to be just the princess to him, just like he wasn't just the stable boy to her.
RyMAt87: He knew they were so different. She was from a good life, he was poor. She was so pretty, he was just a stable boy. She had so much more going for her. But her smile would be the death of him, he knew it. He smiled back, even though it was wrong. And yes, he had fallen in love. And he didn't regret it. Not one bit.
MAC_12: So, they started to spend a lot of time together. She always found excuses to slip away during the day, and every single time she found herself in the stables. Aaron taught her how to groom horses, how to water them down, how to saddle a horse. He rode the horses with her for their daily exercises, and one day they rode to a stream.
RyMAt87: His dad used to take their family to the stream, and he had nothing but good memories there. They tied the horses to the tree and sat down by the stream, talking about everything with each other. He told her how he didn't mind being a stable boy, how his dad had been one and his grandfather before that. He told her if he had a choice, he would still choose to be poor because being rich seemed like so much work, and they never quite seemed happy.
MAC_12: She listened to him and realized he was right. She wasn't happy at home. The only time she ever felt happy was when she talked to him. That thought both made her happy and sad. Happy because she loved him so much. Sad because she had everything, yet she had nothing without him. But instead of letting that bother her, she decided to have some fun. Standing, she said, "Watch this!" And she jumped right into the stream. She laughed, splashing in the water. "Come on in!"
RyMAt87: He was surprised that she jumped in, but he quickly followed her. He jumped in, causing a large splash that made her laugh. When he rose up, he shook his head, letting water fly away from his shaggy blond hair. He looked at her and laughed, watching her splash around and just have fun. He had never seen her so happy.
MAC_12: They played around in the water for a long time. After a while, they noticed the sun starting to set, and both knew it was time that she got back to the castle. She climbed out of the water, wringing her dress out and squeezing the water out of her hair. The air was warm, so she knew she would dry off by the time they reached the castle again. Otherwise mother would be mad. But with Aaron, she didn't fear that. She didn't care. She'd had a wonderful day, and nothing could ruin it.
RyMAt87: He also climbed out of the water, running his hand through his wet hair, making it slightly stick up. He went to check on the horses, letting them drink from the stream. He was the stable boy, after all. Finally, when he knew the horses were full, he turned to Cara and smiled. "Ready to go?"
MAC_12: She finished trying to dry herself and looked at Aaron. His tunic was cut off at the shoulders, and for the first time she realized just how strong he was. He probably bathed daily to remove all the dirt, but by the time she saw him he was always dirty. Now, for the first time, she could see how handsome he was. He was more handsome than any of the princesses that came to court her, and she was breathless looking at him. She walked over to him, looking into his beautiful eyes that she had grown to love. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
RyMAt87: His arms went around her now, and he kissed her back. He had wanted this for a long time. She loved him too, she had to. No one would kiss like this if they didn't love the other person. After a long time, he pulled back. "Your mother will want you home soon," he said, gently holding her face in his hands.
MAC_12: She smiled at him, her heart so full she didn't know what to do. "Well, mother can wait." And she kissed him again.
XXXXX
Ryan knew that Marissa was trying to pull away, but damn't if he was going to let her. They spent the next three weeks playing this sort of game where she would pull away only for him to pull her back with both arms locked tightly around her. He would pull her back even if she were screaming, because he knew that there was no safer place to be than with him. He wouldn't hurt her – never again.
A month after they started being friends again, they had an astronomy test. Neither felt ready for it, especially since the teacher informed them the average on all her tests was usually a 55%, give or take a few points. So, instead of studying alone, they decided to study together in her apartment. Ryan's and Luke's place was pretty much off limits now after her breakup, and Ryan himself tried to avoid the dorm as much as humanly possible, usually only going home to sleep.
Now, Ryan was leaning against one side of her couch, his feet propped up on her coffee table while she was against the other side of the couch, her feet curled under her. Books lay scattered between them, printed homework and handouts all over the place. He knew he should be studying, but the way she chewed on the end of her pen made him feel some distant longing in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her, every part of her, to know every curve and freckle. With Luke out of the way, he just wanted to be with her – all the time. It had been a month. She had forgiven him. What were they waiting for?
Marissa looked up from the passage she was reading and gave him a look. "Do I have something stuck in my hair, or are you just obsessed with me?" She gave him a quirky smirk, her eyes playfully twinkling.
He smiled, shaking his head. "You look as beautiful as always." She blushed, which he loved. "And I'm not obsessed with you, I just find it funny how hard this is for you."
She narrowed her eyes at him, a glare imminent. "How hard it is for me? Sorry if I'm not a rocket scientist. This class is hard."
He moved some of the books aside, scooting closer to her, leaning in so that she felt his breath against her cheek. "Aren't you the one who told me about black holes?"
Her eyes narrowed even more, and – despite his proximity – held his gaze. "That was years ago, and way more interesting than this." She held up the current paper she was reading. "Kepler, Galileo, tides? Boring."
He only grinned, eyes flicking back and forth between her oh so soft lips and bright eyes. "Maybe, but I find you very interesting."
She knew he was flirting with her, and she could very easily flirt back. Such a large part of her wanted to. But another part – a saner part – was still holding onto her heart with both hands, scared beyond reason to let go. She pushed on his chest lightly, moving him far enough away so that she could stand. "I'm hungry. Pizza?"
He reached out and grabbed her arm, slightly pulling her back. She turned, her heart beating furiously in her chest. Yes, his touch intoxicated her; his presence sent all her senses on hyper drive. "Pepperoni. Extra cheese," he said with a soft smile, his eyes smoldering and sexy. She looked down at his lips, subconsciously licking her own. The sexual attraction that had built up in the last month seemed suddenly stifling.
He let go of her arm, grinning to himself as he saw the affect he had on her. Yes, he was playing on the mutual attraction, but only to get her to see how much she still felt for him. She was more than just sexual attraction to him, and she always would be. Even if there was a lot of that.
And so they studied, Ryan constantly doing things that hinted at how much more he wanted, and Marissa casually ignoring his advances. Hours passed, the pizza diminished, and the two learned more about astronomy than they ever wanted or needed to know. Marissa's living room became more and more of a mess as papers and books fell and scattered. It simply looked like a disaster zone, but they both became too absorbed in reading and quizzing each other that neither noticed.
Ryan read through an article about tides, realizing he now knew all this information. "I think you're right. Tides really are boring," he said. When he didn't hear a response, he looked over the paper to see Marissa curled up against the edge of the couch, a book open in front of her. Her eyes had closed, and he wondered if she was asleep. "Riss?" He asked quietly, not wanting to wake her. When her eyes didn't open, he smiled.
He straightened out the papers and books, not wanting her to freak out when she woke up. He took out the pizza box, put away their plates, and threw all their trash away. Finally, he lowered himself down on the couch beside her, body softening at the peace on her face. When was the last time he saw her look this peaceful and unworried? Probably not since before Brett was in a car accident, back when things between them were still innocent and he hadn't broken her heart all over again. And she hadn't broken his.
He gently lifted her into his arms, carrying her very carefully to her bedroom. He had never actually been in the room since they pretty much stayed out in the living room or the kitchen the entire time, but he couldn't see much anyway in the darkness. He located her bed, very delicately placing her on it, careful not to disturb her. He pulled her blankets over her, tucking her in. He carefully lowered himself to sit on the edge of her bed, staring down at her sleeping form. She looked so content and peaceful. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face.
"How is it that I still love you with all the reckless abandon of an eleven year old boy?" he asked quietly, talking more to himself than anything. "It's like so much time has passed, and so much has happened, but I still feel the same – just more intensely." He leaned down and kissed her temple tenderly, his heart going out to her – this amazing, beautiful girl who had been hurt and healed too many times to count. She deserved the world, he was sure of it. "One of these days you'll trust me with your heart again," he murmured as he pulled away. He straightened out her blankets before quietly standing. "Goodnight, pony girl."
He was all the way at her doorway before he heard her soft voice. "What if I don't?"
He turned to her, surprised to see her awake. Had he woken her? He didn't mean to. "What if you don't what?"
She sat up now, rubbing her eyes. "What if I don't trust you with my heart again?" She met his eyes through the darkness, and he realized how torn she was. How scared. What he would give to take all that away. "What if friends are all we are meant to be?"
He turned his body fully to her now, taking a careful step toward her as he contemplated her words. "I don't believe that." He angled his head at her. "I don't believe that we are meant to only be friends. From the moment I met you, I knew that we were more than that. We always have been." He sat on the edge of her bed, staring deeply into her eyes. "We always will be."
She rested her hands on her lap, looking down at her blanket. "Ryan…"
He shook his head. "No, Marissa. You listen to me, okay? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and I'm sorry that we even have to have this conversation, but we are going to be together again. Maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, next week, or even next month – but I know that you love me, and I love you. Isn't that enough?"
She bit her lip before lifting her eyes to his again. Softly, she shook her head. "What if it's not?"
He stared at her for a really long time, not understanding despite all his hardest attempts. How hard was it to just give your heart? He had so easily given his – or maybe she had taken it. These days, he didn't even know. "It is."
She sighed, biting harder on her lip. "Ryan, the world isn't black and white. It isn't full of fairytales and happily ever afters. People get hurt, things are said, hearts get broken." She met his gaze again. "And sometimes the prince and princess don't end up together. Sometimes people just don't click."
Ryan couldn't believe how skeptical Marissa now was. What had happened to the girl who made him write a fairytale with her? What had happened to the girl who marveled at rainbows and happy endings? The girl whom he had fallen so deeply and desperately in love with? She was there, he knew it. She was deep inside, afraid to come out, but he wouldn't let her hide forever. He couldn't let her hide forever.
So, he did what he had to do – he kissed her. He placed one hand on her cheek and one behind her head, cradling her head as he moved his lips over hers. He knew she felt the same – he knew because her breath hitched and she easily sank into him, kissing him back. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she gave herself over to him, heart and soul, despite her absolute greatest efforts not to let him in. Even if she didn't want to admit it, even if she didn't want to think it possible, she was his in every way.
She opened her mouth to him, and they tasted each other. He kissed her with every ounce of longing he had resonating within him, and she clung to his shirt, balling it up in her hand. He loved her, she loved him – why did she need to make it so much more complicated than that? Why couldn't she feel this? Couldn't she just understand that some people do get a happy ending, but first they just have to open themselves up to it?
When he was sure he had made his point, he pulled away, opening his eyes to see hers still closed, pleasure and passion and longing written across her face. He smiled his smile she loved so much, even if she couldn't see it. He leaned in and kissed her forehead tenderly before standing again. "You're right," he murmured. "Some people don't click. And some people don't get a happy ending." She opened her eyes now, her gaze clouded with desire and sensuality. "But if we fall into that category, it's only because you put us there."
And with that, he turned and left, not bothering to look back. He had made his case – a very compelling argument, if he did say – and now the rest was in her hands. Either way, he would wait for her to come to him tomorrow. And whatever she decided, it was her decision.
XXXXX
October 25, 1999 (continued)
RyMAt87: They started to sneak off to see each other all the time. They kissed whenever they had the chance. She spent all her free time with him, and people were starting to notice she wasn't around all the time anymore.
MAC_12: She knew her mother and father wondered what she was doing, but she didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to care. The more time she spent with Aaron, the more she loved him. It was fate that made her walk out to the stables that day. It was fate that brought her to Aaron, and she knew that. She just didn't care anymore what anyone else thought. Aaron was right – she was rich and she could have everything, but she wasn't happy. Only with him. Always with him.
RyMAt87: One day Cara's mother and father sat her down and told her she needed to stop sneaking off. That whoever she was spending her time with needed to go away. That she needed to start thinking about getting married because she was going to be 17 soon.
MAC_12: Cara looked at them and told them she had found the man she wanted to marry. They both seemed happy. "He is smart and handsome and so strong. He cares about me, and that's where I've been going – to see him. I know it's scandalous and not the way things are supposed to go, but I love him. I want to be with him. I want to marry him." Her parents told her that they needed to meet him, but they couldn't be happier. They obviously thought she meant a prince.
RyMAt87: Cara told him what her parents said. She wanted him to meet them. He protested at first, but then she kissed him and told him it would all be okay. She would make it okay. So, she left back to the castle to wait with her parents. He washed himself up, put on his best set of clothes – a clean, old tunic – and held himself tall as he walked into the castle.
MAC_12: Her parents saw a poor stable boy when he walked into the parlor. But Cara saw a prince – a handsome, loving, beautiful blue-eyed prince. Not caring what her parents would say, she ran to him and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She loved him, and she wasn't afraid to say it, to shout it, to show it to the entire world – not just her parents.
RyMAt87: He held Cara, but watched her parents and saw nothing but disgust. He knew their relationship was over. Her parents would not approve. And they didn't. "You are to break it off at once. A stable boy? He is not fit for you! He is nothing but poor filth! A peasant!"
MAC_12: Cara stood in front of him, as if to shield him from their words. She couldn't be more furious. "I love him! You cannot and will not keep me away from him!"
RyMAt87: Her parents grew even angrier. "We will banish him from the kingdom! He can no longer work here! He is to never set foot here again!" With every word, Aaron felt more and more worthless. He was losing both his job and his love.
MAC_12: Except, this meant nothing to Cara. "If he leaves, I'm going with him." Her parents and Aaron gasped. She reached out for Aaron's hand, lacing their fingers together. "If he leaves, I will always go with him." She turned to him and smiled. And just like the first time they met, he shyly smiled back. And it was love.
RyMAt87: Her parents wouldn't take no for an answer. "Then we shall kill him!" Aaron's eyes widened, his heart heavy. There really was no happily ever after, was there?
MAC_12: Cara squeezed Aaron's hand, still smiling, still looking at him with so much love. Softly, she said, "Then I shall die with him."
RyMAt87: The whole world looked at Cara and saw a princess. But in that moment, when he looked at Cara he saw his whole world. They would never be apart. Even if they had to die, they would be together.
MAC_12: Her parents, of course, would not kill her. But they still would not let her marry the stable boy. "It's your kingdom, or the boy," they warned her. She didn't even have to think about her choice – she chose Aaron.
RyMAt87: They walked out of the palace together, hand in hand. They mounted his own horse that his father had given him for his 16th birthday, and they rode off into the setting sun. Cara and Aaron. Aaron and Cara. The princess and the stable boy. And they lived happily ever after. The End.
MAC_12: Thanks for writing a fairytale with me, Ry.
RyMAt87: For you, anything :) You tired?
MAC_12: Yeah, really tired. Goodnight, Ry.
RyMAt87: Goodnight, Riss.
XXXXX
Three chapters left now! The end is near! As a side note, if there are any one shot ideas that you guys have, feel free to tell me and I'll think about writing it :)
Individual Replies:
xoElle23: So I just read your super long R/M oneshot from 2009. I know, I know, I'm a little behind. Anyway, I loved it :)
: That was just the sweetest review :) You made me smile so much. Thank you, it's people like you that make all my problems just go away.
Skillz37: I am a bit of a dying breed of R/M writers lol. Don't worry, I'll start another story and that one will be much longer than this one. So, if you want, you're still stuck with me for a while! And believe me, I understand getting a job and having no life haha.
Sara: Yeah, I didn't want them to get right together, but I am kind of speeding up the part to them (maybe) ending up together just cause I've run out of ideas of what they should do in the meantime lol.
TVDaddict22: Haha, it totally did seem like an ending! For a second I legit thought "you know, I could technically end it there." But I have had a couple of scenes I've wanted to write for a really long time, one being Ryan talking to Marissa while she's 'asleep', and the other one being in the next chapter :)
Marissa Davis: Summer will be in my next story, don't worry :)
Riss H: Why thank you! And I love writing the best friends thing. Obviously. Lol
Devon: I think just about your review was when I decided despite all my crap I have to do, I just have to update this week :)
Sailaway: R/M sexy time. Hmm… just might happen sooner than you think ;)
RMforever: I'm glad things are okay! I was really worried. I read your review from last time and freaked out a little lol. I hope you like this time's chats! Tbh, I kind of never have chats planned out in my head, so I always write them at the end. I just start writing something and this conversation takes place without me even really thinking about it haha.