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Chapter Twenty Five: Cold
It was getting colder, I was numb and cold but I wasn't moving. Dale's body was covered with a blanket and laying less than a foot from where I was sitting. They weren't going to move him until tomorrow, after his grave was dug. I wasn't leaving until he was next to Sophia.
Almost everyone else had headed back to camp. Rick had tried to get me to move, but I just ignored him. I wanted to be here just in case. Maybe another walker would wonder out of the woods, or an animal would be attracted by the smell of the blood. I wasn't going to let anymore harm fall on the sweetest man I had ever known. I heard shifting behind me, Daryl trying to get comfortable. I had told him to go to bed, he didn't listen. He had draped his jacket across my shoulders hours ago, but it wasn't working. It was just cold. Winter was fast approaching.
"Hey," It's Lori's turn. I don't even look at her as she sits down next to me. "Why don't you get some sleep?"
"Not until he's buried."
"Nothing's gonna happen to him. You're gonna make yourself sick if you stay out here all night."
"Then you don't need to be out here either. Not good for the baby."
"Sweetie, you need to get some sleep."
"I've slept."
She kept trying, but I kept giving her short answers. She finally stood up and walked back to camp. So far I've heard from Rick, T-Dogg, Glenn, Daryl, and Lori. They were running out of people.
I don't think I'll ever be able to get Dale's last moments out of my mind. He was in so much pain, his eyes screamed that. I brush my hair from my face, trying to refocus my attention. Something on my hand catches my eyes. It's blood. Dale's blood. I scrub my hand on the ground, but it does no good. I'd have to clean it in the morning. I shift my legs from criss-cross to straight out, my knees cracking. I hear more movement behind me, its Daryl again. His side probably isn't enjoying sitting on the ground.
"Why don't you go to bed?" I say, not looking back at him.
"I will if you come too."
"I'm not."
"Then I'm not either." He says, stubbornness evident in his voice. I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. If he wanted to be that way, fine.
I lay my chin on my folded knees and stare out into the field. Three bodies littered the ground, a cow, a walker, and Dale. The cattle drew the walker and the group forced Dale's hand. I was filled with "what ifs" again. What if I had spoken during the meeting? Would the decision to kill Randal still have been made? Would Dale have had to come out here to get away from his disappointment? Or was Dale going to die like this anyway? Would he have been out here because of the cow regardless? I didn't know. And it was tearing me up.
I hold back a yawn and wipe my eyes. It's been harder and harder to focus and stay awake. But I needed too. I hear more shuffling behind me, I hear Daryl walk closer and he sits back down before me. He reaches for the front of his jacket that's around my shoulders and buttons it up. He has his poncho, not sure when he went and got it, or if someone got it for him. He does up the last button before he settles in. He starts humming something. I don't know what it is, but it's slow and quiet. I blink my eyes and hide another yawn. I give in enough to lay my head on Daryl's shoulder. He keeps humming as his hand moves in lazy circles over my back. I know what he's doing, and yet I don't pull away. He wasn't being demanding like the rest. He was subtle and understanding. But I still didn't want to leave Dale's side.
I decide to close my eyes for a little while; just enough to ease off the heaviness that is weighing them down. My ear is next to Daryl's chest. It's rumbling with his humming and soft heartbeat. Another yawn and I just give up. I'll end up asleep before the sun rises. Daryl pulls away; I just sway a little before he pulls me up and into his arms. Even as I burrow into the warmth of his poncho I manage to say Dale's name. He just said he'd take care of it. And I knew he would. Daryl was a man of his word.
He get's me back to camp. He sets me on the cot before he pulls off my shoes and socks. He digs around in the blankets and pulls out my usual sleeping wear. He grabs my arms and holds them over my head so he can pull my shirt off. He gently tugs my loose t-shirt over my head. He reaches around and takes my bra off. I can't sleep with one on. I lay down and he pulls my jeans off and quickly puts my shorts on.
I watch as he quickly gets ready for bed. I scoot over so he can lie beside me. I roll away from him though. I just want to sleep. I want to sleep through tomorrow too. Loosing Dale was so different from Sophia. We had hope for her, but the moment I saw Dale I knew there was none. We took him out of this world. Even if it was for the better it was still an odd feeling. I knew I needed to look after Daryl; after all, he was the one who pulled the trigger. But again I was selfish and I couldn't find the strength too. Daryl doesn't touch me those first few minutes we're in bed. I don't like the feeling. So I reach behind me and grab his arm. I gently tug it over me. He rolls over and pulls me close. I kiss his hands before pulling the blanket over his arm. "I love you." I say, just wanting him to know I'm thinking about him, even if I'm not showing it too well.
"I know." Is his reply, and it's enough. It's all I need right now.
The following morning I'm gently shaken away. I open my eyes and see Lori. Her face is carrying a sad smile. "There almost ready with Dale. You want to get dressed and join us?" I nod and pull the covers back. Lori leaves and I find my jeans from the day before and pull out a new shirt. I walk out of the tent and look towards the barn, where all the graves are. I see almost all of them down there. It looks like Daryl and Andrea have been taking shifts with Dale's grave. I walk over to the water pump just beyond the house and pump up the cold water. I splash it on my face, trying to wake myself up more. I catch sight of my hand again. There are still patches of red on my palm. I furiously pump the water then scrub at my hand. I want it gone. I don't want to remember Dale ripped in half and crying. I don't want to think about what he went through, how we all had disappointed him before his end. I wonder if he knew that Randal was still alive.
"Helps if you use soap." I stop scrubbing and look up at my brother.
"Thought you were by the barn."
"I was talking to Hershel. He's gonna say some words."
"Good, Dale and Hershel got along well enough."
"Are you alright? You were a mess last night."
"I think we all were."
"None of us kept visual over a body."
"It was Dale. If I didn't do it, someone else would have."
"What happened wasn't your fault."
"Never said it was."
"Yea, but I know you. I know that look and that attitude. It was an accident, a chance encounter. It could have been anybody-,"
"But it was Dale. It shouldn't have been Dale. We should have fought harder to keep Dale alive."
"We did."
I just sigh and kick away from the tree. Not wanting to have this conversation. "You can't save everyone Kelly." Rick's voice stops my movement. I turn back and angrily shove at his chest.
"You want to say that again?"
"You can't save everybody Kelly. You need to stop trying."
"Oh, and this advice isn't a tad bit hypocritical? What about you Rick? What about all those times, not just now, but before when you would run off, chasing after some druggie who you thought you could save. You went after Merle and left us; you left to find Hershel and came back with that same kid you wanted to murder!" I point towards the shed Randal is in. "You dare stand there and lecture me for caring when your actions have cost lives! I don't think so Rick." I turn away from him, but then I angrily turn back.
"You're the reason we're putting Dale in the ground. You brought that kid back! You! It's on you! If you wouldn't have brought him here, or fixed him, or decided to kill him, Dale would still be alive!" and just like that, it all crumbles. All I had felt since watching Sophia walk out of that barn, fighting with Shane, loosing Dale, and all the hope that came with it. Rick wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.
"Shhh. Let it out, Kelly, let it out."
"It's not fair Rick. It's just not fair!" He just holds me and lets me cry. Just like he did when we were little and we lost mom. Just like when I broke down and told him about Phillip. Rick and I were like night and day, but he was always there to catch me. He was always there when I needed someone. Even though I had Daryl, sometimes I just needed Rick.
I don't know how long I stayed in his arms, but I had cried and cried. My eyes hurt and my throat was dry, but my chest felt looser and my heart freer. I wiped my eyes and pulled away. Rick's shirt was a mess. I wipe at the stains with my hand, apologizing when I just make them worse.
"It's just a shirt. At least you don't have make-up on this time. Nearly impossible to get out." He says with a smile. I just roll my eyes before taking a deep breath.
"There probably ready." I say, looking down at the barn. I see Lori and Daryl are at the campsite; obviously they were worried when Rick and I didn't show at the barn.
"You okay to do this?" he asked, probably still worried about me.
"Yea. I just had to get it all out I guess. I'm sorry by the way. About what I said about this all being your fault. I didn't mean it."
"I know you didn't." He puts him arm around my shoulders and we walk down towards the barn. I smile at Daryl, but I let Rick lead me all the way down.
Rick has always had a way with words. We have a very loving service for Dale. Hershel did a little sermon and Rick spoke from the heart. All about Dale, how much we loved him, how he got under our skin, all things Dale. I stood beside Daryl and held his hand. I had to wipe at my eyes several times, but I wasn't a mess anymore. I knew that even though I missed him, he was in a better place. He was back with his wife he had always talked about, and he was with Sophia. Daryl had Dale's old watch on his wrist now. I don't know how it got there, but I think it's good. Daryl will take care of it. "We're gonna prove him wrong. We're gonna prove Dale wrong." Rick says, before Andrea places the red flower in the jar we sat on the tops of everyone's graves.
I watch as T-Dogg, Andrea, Shane, and Daryl go off in a truck to check fence-lines and scour through the close woods. The decision was made again to just dump Randal off somewhere. Rick and Daryl were going to take care of that. I guess with Shane in crazy-vile Daryl is Rick's next pick. I was pretty happy about it though. They needed to spend some time together, give Rick a chance to give Daryl his big brother spiel.
I was very shocked, yet eternally grateful when I learned Hershel was letting us, not just stay on the farm, but move in the house. It was going to be crowded, but we would make it work. I just hope we could all get along all winter. Daryl might be put on the roof because of his morning habits, all the noises he makes and everything. I went into our tent and shoved all the clothes in my bag and his duffel. I put all our bedding and junk in a plastic tub Beth had found in the basement. I folded up the cot before helping Glenn collapse the tent. I load our three things on the back of the truck before going and helping collapse Glenn and T-Dogg's tent.
I know it would be good for everyone's sanity if I moved Daryl away from the main group. He was so much better now than he was, but he still liked his distance, some people just were that way. I ended up setting up in the den. There was a corner between the wall and the writing desk. Jimmy brought in another cot for me, saying Hershel was giving his bed up to Lori, so a cot freed up. I was glad. Daryl and I couldn't sleep on one cot much longer and sleeping on the floor all winter was not going to work.
I just finished stacking our pillows when Daryl walks in. "Extra cot?"
"Compliments of my brother and Lori. Get the fence checked?"
"Yea, been a while since I've had to fix fence. Forgot how much it sucked." He says, leaning against the desk and crossing his arms.
"Tell me about it. On our farm when Rick and I were little, this storm ripped up half our line. Took us forever to fix." I say, tossing several blankets over the cots and stacking the rest at the foot of the cots for easy access.
"Rick and I are gonna go dump Randal in a few hours-."
"You be careful when you do." I interrupt him.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to patch up the shed with me. Rick wants this place barricaded."
"Don't blame him." I say, standing up from the floor. "Not bad for a couple just starting out." I say, looking at our tiny corner.
Daryl and I soon have the shed boarded up, so we move to the barn. The walker smell is finally gone. We go wall by wall, patching up weak spots and replacing rotten boards. It was very obvious Daryl used to be a handy man. I was starting to question if there was anything he couldn't do. We reinforce the ladder rungs and climb to the top level and replace the boards up there. By the time we're done I'm exhausted. Boards are heavy. I sit back against an old pile of hay and wipe my forehead.
"Not cold now are you?" Daryl asks, handing me the bottle of water we had been carrying around all day.
"Not at the moment, give me a few and I will be. I promise. I'm very cold natured." I give him back the bottle and he drains it. He settles down next to me.
"I have something for you." He says, looking out the window that we opened for a breeze. I look at him, he looks nervous.
"What is it?"
"It's not a big thing. Or fancy."
"Okay. What is it?"
"Don't be expec-."
"Daryl! Just tell me what it is." I say, interrupting his nervous explanations. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a thin leather string with a yellow feather tied on the end.
He holds it out to me, obviously not sure what to expect from me. I take it from him with a smile on my face. With all that was going on he made me a necklace. "Oh, Daryl. I love it."
"Those are from the first arrow you got to hit the target." He explains, pointing at the feathers.
"Thank you!" I say, leaning up to give him a kiss. I turn and pull my hair back. "Wanna help me tie it on?"
"Sure." He says, turning to face my back. I wrap the string around my neck and hand him the ends. He ties the string, his fingers brushing against the back of my neck. When he's done he pulls my hair off my shoulder and lets it fall back down into place.
We climb back down from the barn, it's getting late enough that Rick and Daryl need to go. I gather up the provisions they were sending Randal with. But when I get back from the kitchen, its disorder at the shed. I set the stuff in the back of the truck and walk over to them. "What's going on?" I ask Lori.
"Randal is gone." She says, staring into the shed. Rick and Daryl are in there, obviously looking for how he got loose.
"The cuffs are still hooked." Rick says as he walks out of the shed. Daryl behind him. "He must've slipped them."
"Is that possible?" Carol asks. I know it is possible, but it's very hard.
"It is if you've got nothing to lose." Andrea says. Daryl is scanning the woods, his crossbow not raised, but one movement is all it would take for him to shoot an arrow off. Hershel walks up to the shed, he looks at the door.
"The door was secured from the outside."
"Rick!" our eyes all jump to the woods. Surprise everywhere when Shane comes walking out, his face covered in blood. "Rick!" He says again. I stare at him. He looks so off.
"What happened?!" Lori asks, everyone else wants to know too. Shane ignores Carl's questions and says Randal snuck up on him, bashed him in the head with a rock. "He's armed!" Shane says, his voice louder than necessary. "He's got my gun!"
Rick is immediately starts barking out orders. "Alright. Hershel, T-Dog! Get everybody back in the house! Glenn, Daryl, come with us." Patricia and them head right to the house. Lori, Carl, Maggie, Carol, and I all stay standing. I don't like the feel of this. It makes no sense. While I never saw Randal, I know it takes a lot to take Shane down.
Shane gets T-Dogg's gun, and Carol steps up. "Just let him go." She says, obviously not to comfortable with this idea either. "That was the plan, wasn't it, to just let him go?"
"The plan was to cut him loose far away from here." Rick answers. "Not on our front step with a gun!"
"Rick, this doesn't feel right-."
"We'll talk about this later." He interrupts me. He's too worked up and not thinking. Things are not making any sense, yet I seem to be the only person who is realizing this. Randal was hurt, dehydrated and probably hungry. I didn't know how well he had been treated since being shoved in the shed. There was no way he could have gotten the jump on Shane.
"Don't go out there!" Carol's cry kills my train of thought. "You all know what can happen!" She is obviously ignored and Rick doesn't even turn back when he sends more orders our way.
"Get everybody back in the house! Lock all the doors and stay put!" I stare after Daryl who barley smiled at me. I know he was focused on finding Randal. But I had my doubts about Shane's whole story. My arm was caught in a grip and I was pulled back into the house by T-Dogg.
The longer I stood at the window the worse I felt. Something in my gut was screaming something was wrong. I had always been told to listen to my gut. But my gut had never been in a situation like this. My brain had gone over all I knew about Randal's escape, Shane's story, and everything else and it wasn't adding up. I knew it wasn't. Shane was strong and healthy, Randal wasn't. Shane was unstable. And now he was off in the woods alone with my brother, my good friend, and whatever I was supposed to call Daryl. I still wasn't likening how boyfriend was sounding in my head. I go to the den and dig in Daryl's duffel bag. He kept an extra knife in almost every pocket so it wasn't hard to find one. I shoved it in my back pocket before sneaking out the back door.
I quickly run from the back door to the shed and take off in the direction they went. I get to a spot where a lot of leaves are messed up. I'm not very good at tracking, but I did know a few things. Plus tracks in crunchy leaves are not a hard thing to follow. I follow the tracks with the bigger feet, knowing it's the way Shane went. I was guessing that he was with my brother which was not a good thing.
The tracks led deeper and deeper into the woods. I was starting to worry if I was following a walker instead of Shane. But then the woods ended and I came into a clearing, not the one Daryl and I were at, this one is a lot nicer. Minus Shane and my brother circling each other like two tigers getting ready to fight. "-no story man. I saw the prisoner gun you down." Shane sounded more sinister than I had ever heard. I'm too shocked to move. "I ran after him. I snapped his neck. It ain't gonna be easy, but Lori and Carl, they'll get over you. Kelly will have to let you go! She'll have the hardest time of it. Lori and Carl did it before."
I felt my heart drop. Dale was right, just like I knew he was. Shane wanted my brother dead. Shane wanted his brother dead. We had been inseparable for years, and this was how it was going to end?
"Why!?" Rick demands, he obviously doesn't know how it got to this point either. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out."
"We tried to kill each other, man!" Shane laughs and I can finally move. I step out of the tree line.
"What are you doing?" I yell as I get closer. I shove Shane's gun down and I step in-between my brother and Shane. The two people who had always had my back, who always looked out for me.
Note: I know I'm giving a lot of Carl's parts to Kelly, but my main reason of using her at the Rick/Shane showdown is the history they all have. I had the flashbacks and stories of their younger years for a reason. Even though Kelly pulled away from Shane, she still cares for him. He's a childhood friend that she, up until recently, thought could do no wrong.
Hope everyone liked this chapter and weren't too annoyed that I made Carl stay in the house.
