A/N So here we are...end of the road. Hope it was worth the wait.
maxipoo: I really missed these guys. Let's give them the send off they deserve!
branchirps: They have come a long way.
maxipoo: It makes me wish it was a never ending journey. Kind of like a long and winding road *starts singing* The long and winding road that leads...to your door. Okay, enough with the tears. I told myself I wouldn't cry. Go onward Analward and Trainwreckella. May you live long and prosper...and fuck...a lot!
"Epiclogue"
Help I'm Alive
Some time in the not so distant future...
I stare vacantly at the easel in front of me. Something is missing. I know exactly what's missing but there's nothing I can do about it now. Artistically, I can mix colors and textures to help but nothing will fill this hole in my heart. It's in the shape of him and he's not here. I feel the strap of my overall slip down my bare shoulder as I look at the picture from all different angles. Maybe if I fix the green it will help. I take my brush and swirl it on the palette, mixing browns, yellows and greens together. I get slightly distracted as the colors blend and bleed. I dab my brush on the canvas and—nothing. Dammit, this shouldn't be this hard. These eyes have haunted me since the moment I met him. They are all I see.
I place the palette and brush down on my side table and walk over to the couch. I lean back and the leather is cool against my back. I really don't dig leather...you stick to it when you're naked. And the style isn't really my thing either. It's black with this nailhead trim and turned out legs. Kind of stuffy if you ask me, but I guess it's kind of cool my couch has nails in it. I haven't named her yet. I'll get around to it. I know it's a her, though, because the more I look at her, the more I realize she just wants to be loved. Some good wear and tear and she'll be perfect.
I kick my feet up onto my coffee table. It's old and battered but the wood...the wood is alive. It has a soul. You touch it and you can just feel the memories. I know it has some gouges on the sides and may have some scorch marks from a certain glass bowl that was left burning and sometimes I swear he smells like a nasty old fish fry but Harry's a keeper. Harry was a deal breaker. I take Garrett in my hands and light up. Maybe he can send me some inspiration. Just as I'm about to inhale, it comes to me, no Garrett needed. I smile at this. See, I can still do it without the ganja and my brand of crazy. I really am trying. I frolic over to my paint cabinet and find an iridescent gold acrylic. Perfect. I don't even bother using my brush. I dip my finger into the paint and add some soft strokes to the irises I've painted. It's almost there but nothing could ever measure up to the real thing. I really wish I had permanently etched them into my mind, but when he's around, everything else goes fuzzy. Right now, if I want to see him, I have to paint him. Instead of being covered in paint, I want to be covered in him. I want his arms around me. I want his lips on my collarbone, tracing hot trails all over my body. And I want to feel his heart racing against my own after a crazy game of twister. Yeah, not gonna happen."Battleship" was the last time either of us ventured into the wonderful world of Hasbro games. I let out a disgruntled sigh. I am so determined to finish this picture of him I don't hear my front door open. I'm so obsessed with painting the perfect replica, an unfulfilling substitute, I don't realize someone is standing behind me and blowing hot breaths down my neck. I am too consumed by the memory of him that I don't feel a pair of hands reach behind the bib of my overalls and give my tits a firm squeeze.
"Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you paint?" he whispers in my ear before sucking the lobe into his mouth.
I whip around instantly and wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze my legs around his lower back. I start peppering kisses all over his face and neck. He slowly pulls away so he can get a good look at me.
EPOV
What a long five days.
After being fired from Newton's for inappropriate behavior in the office, aka fucking Bella on my desk and the best decision I ever made, by the way, I took Emmett up on his offer. I received a nice severance package, so I discussed things with Em first and decided to take a few weeks off.
Spending every waking hour with Bella was the next crazy, hair-brained, erratic thing I decided and it was the second best decision of my new life. We spent many hours having all of the discussions 'normal' couples usually participate in, although we were anything but and it was freeing. The time with her in her shoebox dump of an apartment was, well if I am honest, a complete disaster—at first. I had to fill several garbage bags and rid the place of the clutter. You know, make some sense out of the chaos before I could breathe. Bella was really receptive to the idea, mostly. I mean her place wasn't dirty and cockroach infested, just cluttered. That, I could live with...kinda. She had all sorts of paints and canvases in random places and some were absolutely breathtaking. The swan was an artist, a real artist. I knew then that she needed a proper space for her art, and I wanted very much to give that to her. But we took things slow... well for us.
She had spent several nights with me before I was ever allowed entrance into her shrine and during that time, she had given me plenty of flack for my, "Stark, bland, less than living, apartment with nice views of the city." She was disturbed initially by my cupboards and closets and how everything within was neatly stacked or folded and all labels faced the same direction. She said it reminded her of the creepy guy in that Julia Robert's movie, "Sleeping With the Enemy." That bothered me; I didn't want her to think I was some controlling freak that would harm her—ever. So I made certain adjustments. I allowed her to scatter some of my Architectural Digest magazines around on my coffee table, and we painted my white walls a deep taupe that Bella insisted was a color fit for hanging art. I was hesitant at first but when I finally saw her art, I knew I wanted it all over my walls, but I drew the line at disorganized cabinets and clutter without purpose.
The weeks went quickly and I decided to take the plunge, so I propositioned her. I had already rented a house in Forks, knowing I needed to move closer to take Emmett up on his offer to be his personal architect and project manager. It was time for a change and this would allow me the creative freedom I was desperately in search of. I asked Bella to move back to Forks with me and move in, be my official girlfriend. We had already been spending more time together than apart, but I was really nervous, like a total twelve year old. I lived alone for so long that the thought made me extremely apprehensive, but the thought of not being with Bella every waking moment made me even more edgy. I kept my apartment in Seattle and offered to pay to keep hers as well, but she refused, insisting it was silly. Somehow that made me inexplicably giddy, as do most things with Bella.
I went to Seattle on Thursday with Emmett to meet with some investors and my sister. Alice is a Wedding Coordinator and I wanted to introduce Emmett since he would be involved in some of the plans that would be unfolding over the coming months. Being away from Bella for five days was all I could handle, so I came back early. I realized I told her I wouldn't be home until Tuesday, but I had to see her, feel her, and taste her.
Now, as I unlock the door, I don't see Bella immediately and I sigh inwardly. I'm stupid. I don't mean to be a chauvinistic prick, expecting her to wait by the door on my arrival in nothing but an apron presenting me with a martini, but after that one time she did, it's all I imagine every time I open the door. She isn't expecting you, dumbass.I leave my stuff by the door because I can't be bothered with anything until I can feel her in my arms. I follow the music, an old recording of me playing classical guitar. I smile knowing what I'll find. I watch as she dots paint on the canvas with her fingers, the way she touches the canvas with reverence as her fingers fidget with the precise placement of a small gold fleck. She's painting me. I smile as I silently watch her for a moment. Her hair is tied back in a bandana and her, two sizes too big overalls hang on her frame. As she raises her arm to glide her fingers across the canvas, I see the outline of her naked perky breast beneath.
She is sexy when she paints. I slowly step closer as my pulse begins to quicken. I inhale her paint and linseed oil mix blended with her natural freesia-patchouli essence. Placing my nose deep in her hair I reach around and grab her breast in my hands as I whisper in her ear.
"Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you paint?" My lips close around her ear lobe as I begin to nibble on her neck; I know it drives her wild.
She flings herself around and straddles me mid air. Her hands are all over me and I grab her tighter as she kisses my face and neck. She slowly pulls away so she can get a good look at me.
"What are you doing here? I didn't think you'd be back until Tuesday." She seems as giddy as I am with our reunion after our short time apart.
"And miss my girlfriend painting naked?"
"I'm not naked. I'm wearing these..." she leans back unhooks the straps and lets them fall "...now I'm naked." She smiles and it makes me harder instantly. "So I take it everything went well. Is that why you're home early?"
"You really expect me to talk shop while you're wrapped around me naked?"
I don't wait for a response as I carry her, messy paint and all, to the leather sofa she is so undecided on. Perhaps I can change her mind. Easing her back onto the cool leather, I shed my clothes, socks, and shoes quickly then I take my time and make love to the woman—I love.
Studying every detail of her bare, exposed form, I run my hands up her smooth thighs inching closer to hover over her body. She has a glint in her eye reminiscent of the fleck she dabbed in her painting. Was she seeing in my eyes a reflection of what I see in her? As I lean in, my mouth ghosts the plump line of her lips pausing briefly to savor the taste they alone hold. Inhaling the air that surrounds our heated bodies, my hands slide up her arms and grasp her hands in my own. I trace my nose along her jaw and down into the crook of her neck to her tattoo that my mouth craves. Toying and feeling her flesh in between my teeth elicits a sexy moan from the swan. Her hands break our contact and trace the contours of my neck and shoulders, gripping my flesh between her paint stained hands. She continues her decent as I lick a trail to her ear and flick my tongue only once before whispering my thoughts. "Fuck...I missed you!"
Her soft fingers continue her urgency and need for my control. As my mouth entices her tongue to play, our mouths find a sensual rhythm and her hands grip my ass in one final plea. I give her what she wants, but I draw it out. Our bodies are anything but strangers; I know what she wants—needs, and I crave the very same of her. My practiced control only serves to heighten our eventual climax. Bringing Bella to the edge of ecstasy is my favorite form of compulsory control in my new life. As my hardened cock grazes her entrance and implores another needy whimper, I feel her response deep inside.
Entering her is always the same—incredibly inexplicable, complex, and fucking perfect. We move together, increasing the speed and shifting the angle until we are nothing but pools of flesh and breath. I breathe her in as I always do, coming down from my high and gratifying release and pulling her impossibly closer to me.
"So you gonna tell me how it all went now?" she inquires lazily as we lay together naked and sated on my old leather sofa.
"Things went well. I think Em's procured additional backing and looks like he may start another commercial project in Port Angeles soon which I will have carte blanche to design."
"Oh, baby, that's great I am so happy for you."
"So, I also stopped in to see Alice."
"Oh, I can't wait to see her again! Actually, we should totally invite your family for a barbecue get together. You know like a house warming get together kinda thingy."
"It just so happens Alice will be heading this way on Friday in a professional capacity. "
"What is it she does again? I can never keep these things straight. Design, right?"
"Um, not exactly." That's my girl, can't be bothered with the details. I was kind of counting on that seeing as how I really wanted to surprise her without being sneaky and hiding things from her. I use her lack of attention to my advantage as I trace her curves with my fingers.
"Well, whatever, I'll just be glad to see her. By the way, the pack's planning a get together on Friday at Em and Jazzy's place. We're supposed to bring battleship."
That's it I lose it, digging my fingers into her sides I tickle her silly. Her laughter erupts.
"Ed…ward… Sto…. Please." I torture her for a few seconds until I grab her neck and turn her head towards me. Staring her straight in the eyes I speak, "I thought I made up for that disastrous night. Am I ever gonna live this down?"
"Hey, it wasn't a disaster. That's when I knew that I could love you—I mean really love you."
"Really? After a disastrous fuck you knew you could love a guy?" I furrow my brow at her.
"Not any guy, and it wasn't disastrous! You...I knew I could love you, and you did many things to me that no one else has ever come close to. Your fingers and hands and lips…mmm…" she pauses and begins grabbing my ass and lightly trailing her fingers over my semi erect dick, "...and this. Why, your peacock has the finest architecture a girl could ever ask for."
I begin coughing as I try to laugh. "So your quoting a pop song, regarding my cock, attempting to make me feel better about the talk of lame Hasbro games while we had drunken, disastrous bar sex?"
"Yeah did it work? Cuz I hardly thought Wordsworth, Shelley or Byron would be fitting." She smirks.
I kiss her mouth and her tongue wraps effortlessly around mine as my fingers stroke her cheek. I love this swan; she may seem like an eccentric duckling to many, like she did to me at first glance, but this swan is beautiful inside and out. Kissing her, I remember I have some good news I can share now that doesn't have to wait until Friday.
"I also visited a few galleries while I was in Seattle and…"
"Edward, we've discussed this. I am not ready."
"Yes, you are and looks like the one on 3rd is interested. They want to see more of your work and possibly plan an exhibit."
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, what have you done?"
"Nothing…" I'm nervous because she seems really irritated, but she only uses my full name when she is playing around. "I mean I took a portfolio of some of your stuff with me and…"
Tears start to fall down her cheeks and now I'm unsure if I have upset her or really crossed a line.
"Bella, talk to me."
BPOV
He wants me to talk to him but I don't know what to say. This man, this incredible, thoughtful, loving man, has come into my life and made me want things I didn't know I could have. I ask him what he's done because I don't know anymore. People think I'm the one that has turned his life upside down, but he has done the same for me.
After I ran away from my life in Forks, I had to find a way to make it on my own and keep a straight face. I amped up the "Busy" persona. I threw myself into everyone and everything, never really getting attached and always staying so busy. I became a yogi. I learned how to read auras and align chakras. I focused on crazy things like colonics and smoking weed and writing poetry no one will ever read. I used to convince myself that I was content with the loneliness. After all, how lonely was I really? I had Rosie, Garrett, and Jake. I also had the memories of my friends back home, playing on a constant loop. I just accepted living like this, keeping a comfortable distance—no attachments, no regrets, and no consequences. I always lived like that...until I took a temp job at Newton's.
Had I always dreamed of having my art in a gallery? Absofuckinglutely. Did I think it would ever happen? Hell to the no!
Art is a piece of me. It's inside the marrow of my bones, it flows through my veins and pumps into my heart. But now my heart isn't just pumping for me anymore. It's beating for a certain sexy, reformed anal-retentive, architect. He gives me the confidence I need to live the way I'm meant to.
I'm still kind of "kooky" as the scrods like to call it. Scrods are the business wives we have to deal with on a semi-regular basis. Edward has to wine and dine some of Em's clients so sometimes I tag along. I gave the purple wig to Goodwill and opted for real purple streaks in my hair. They find it repulsive but Edward finds it "fuck hot." His words, not mine. Anyway, these scrods give me the look. That fish-eye, stank-eye look that says, "If you try to fuck my husband, I will tell everyone on the PTA what a home wrecking whore you are!"
Ha! Like I would ever dream of touching their husbands. God, Em wouldn't even give them a second look. At least Edward knows how to loosen up with the right kind of coaxing, and by coaxing I mean stroking...of his peacock.
So I call them scrods because they are just that: a white, flaky bland fish. And speaking of fish I can guarantee you that their hoo-ha reeks of it.
"I love you," I finally say.
"And..." He's waiting for me to finish my sentence, always expecting the worst. He really has no idea how amazing he is, how perfect we are together.
I shake my head and crawl on top of his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and stare at my missing puzzle piece.
"No and. Just, I love you. Thank you." And then we really break in Nora, the couch with the nails.
EPOV
I don't know how I've made it to Friday without spilling the news sooner; I really don't like keeping things from Bella. We are taking Rosie but Bella prefers to drive her. She is really possessive and since the infamous initial trip to Forks, I am rarely allowed behind the wheel. She insists I drive like an old man and has properly christened my Volvo, Queen Victoria, suitable for an old man with four given names. I love Bella and I am excited for tonight.
"Have I told you lately that you look incredibly sexy driving Rosie?"
"Thanks. Are you just trying to butter me up? What are you up to?" She gives me her shifty eyes and a coy smile I would love to just... Can't think like that now.
"Nothing. It just feels good to be finally together and hang out with the gang again." She laughs at the word "gang." She prefers to call them "the pack." She has told me that my word choices are reminiscent of a 50's sitcom dad.
She just smirks and speeds up. She handles Rosie like a pro and it admittedly makes me hard. Fuck, this woman drives me crazy and I can't get enough of her.
We arrive at Emmett and Jasper's place. I know he prefers Jazzy and I try to use it when addressing him directly, but the name is just over the top. I can't seem to get the lyrics of "One" out of my head. Whenever I refer to him as Jazzy, I visualize glittery Jazz hands waving in my face frantically.
One night when Bella was talking about getting together with them and she used his name, Jazzy, repeatedly, I had nightmares. It was awful. All these tall, blond men dressed in bad 80's gold lame fabric with glittery gloves were chasing me down with toy battleships chanting, "One singular sensation every little thrust he makes. One thrilling penetration every move that he fakes. One sink…" I woke up gasping for air and Bella was giggling. She informed me I was talking in my sleep and screaming for the glittery hands to lay off my battleship. I hated Hasbro. I sunk myself deep in Bella and forgot about the fucked-up dream. I loved being inside of Bella.
"Are you just gonna sit in the car with a boner or are you planning on joining the party?" Bella is already out of the car leaning over the passenger side window, her perky tits smashed together threatening to spill out of her purple bra under her red dress.
I adjust myself and clear my throat. "Sorry. You know that's not helping, right? I like the red dress, by the way, and I can't wait to get you home and…"
"Edward, seriously, we just had sex like an hour ago," she rushes.
"I know but…Wait are you not the one who's usually hitting me up?" I'm confused momentarily, lost in the fog of my nightmare and the soothing sex she provided as comfort.
"Yes, and I would like to be feeling you up again. Maybe if you're a naughty boy I could punish you in the bathroom, but right now everyone is waiting on us." She winks.
"Shouldn't I be the one concerned with being punctual?" What the hell is happening? All I can focus on is sex with this woman, and being with her, and laughing with her, and living with her… I get out of the car slide my arm around her waist and pull her into me as we walk up the steps, whispering in her ear.
"Your purple streaks are fuck hot and they match your bra. You know how I like to match." I give her ass a smack and hold the door open for her to enter, hoping that earns me a demerit for later.
"They're here. They're here. They're here!" Christ, Alice is the first to spot us and is jumping up and down like a Disney character. She actually spent a summer working at Disney when she was younger playing some princess, talking all squeaky, and posing for pictures with hundreds of little girls who wanted to grow up and be just like her. Well, more like the princess they thought she was. Thinks she is—I'm afraid she missed the memo.
"Bellaaaaa… so good to see you again! Wow, your streaks turned out great. Don't you just love Tyler? He does such great work. Gah, and your dress is fab.! You totally look nothing like a hillbilly, Daisy Duke wannabe with dreads. Now you look trendy, youthful, and fresh: a total artsy painter with panache. So tell me, tell me are you as excited as I am?"
"Alice!"
"Doll face!"
Em and I try to get her attention before she lets the cat out of the bag. Em reaches around and scoops up the little Tink fairy and whispers something in her ear. She giggles and mumbles something to him scurrying off, calling over her shoulder.
"Sorry, Bella, duty calls. Hiiiii, Edward! Byeee, Edward!"
"Bells, Eddie, so glad you two could make it. Grab a drink E, make yourself at home. I need to chat with Bells for a minute."
I shake hands with Emmett, exchange pleasantries and then lean in to my girl. "Gin martini, dirty?"
Then I ghost my nose by her ear before I back away to reveal her nod of approval. Does that earn me another demerit or was that me being a good boy? I was thinking dirty thoughts, wonder if that counts? I leave Em to talk to Bella in private, knowing what he is going to tell her as I wander off to procure some libations.
I find Jasper and Alice in the kitchen trading cocktail recipes and tips on the signs of a decent manicurist. I pour bourbon for myself and walk over to join the two princesses. This should be fun.
"E-boy, don't you look handsome tonight. I like your hair much better this way." Jasper smiles.
"I know! Bella and I discussed it and he's letting it grow out, a tad more fitting of an artist's companion. Don't cha think?" Alice coos.
"Absolutely, girl, and he can always use some of that great texturizer that Ty has to tame his locks when he has to meet with some of Emmy Bears's stuffy clients," Jasper adds.
Jasper and Alice carry on an entire conversation without me, about me, as I stand there.
"So, you and Jazzy have seem to hit it off," I interrupt and take a swallow of my drink.
"Yeah, Jazzy is like my gay boyfriend!"
"Wouldn't that make you a beard?" I hedge. I love to harass her.
"Naw, E-boy, you got it all wrong. That's if I wanted to hide the fact I was gay. Obviously..." he motions toward himself, in his ridiculously tight leather pants, smoothing his manicured hands down his hips before continuing "...this isn't the case. Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen, though? Look at her clear skin and her nearly non-existent pores. I mean if the thought of pussy didn't turn my insides, I'd totally go for her."
"Aww, Jazzy, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me?" I think Tink's tush lights up.
"Really? The sweetest?" I choke on my bourbon. I shake off the nonsense and nod as I leave them to talk of pore refining masks. Fixing Bella's drink, I tote it with me as I go in search of her.
BPOV
"Busy, we've known each other forever. You're my best friend...even though you ran away for five years..."
"Am I ever going to live that down," I interrupt.
"Not a chance in hell, kiddo. You know how much I love you right? How much I've always loved you..."
I quickly cover my mouth with my hand. I'm afraid of what will come out. I close my eyes and shake my head in disbelief. Maybe when I open them this will all be a magical, mystery tour...like I took too many 'shrooms.
"Please, don't tell me you're still in love with me and you are just experimenting with Jazzy because...because this can't be happening. I'm happy Em," I plead with him.
"Slow down—"
"And you can't hurt Jazzy like that...and if you think I would want you after knowing that you've stuck your... Oh my God! I can't handle this!" I frantically look around for Edward. He can make the room stop spinning.
Emmett's bear claws grasp my shoulders and he brings me back to the moment.
"Bella, I love you but I don't want to be inyou again..." He cracks a smile and I start breathing again. "I'm asking Jazzy to marry me. I want you to be my best man."
"But I'm a girl," I reply.
"That's all you have to say? You're a girl? No shit, Sherlock," Emmett spats.
"Emmy bear, of course I will be your best man. Why didn't you ask Sam? Well, besides the fact that he sort of made me cheat on you..."
"Psssh.. You think I cared about that?" He lets out a deep rumble. "I was busy sticking my..." I put my finger up to his mouth, silencing him. He rolls his eyes and continues, "I asked Sam. He thought you would make a better best man and he thinks it would finally get us back to the way things were between us."
"Things are the same," I urge.
"Almost... I love you and I want nothing more than the person I love to be there and stand up for me as I give myself to the love of my life...forever."
Tears start to roll down my cheeks and I'm at a loss. I have missed a whole chapter in his life, watching him grow the fuck up and become the man he was meant to be. He found love and security and all I found was a temporary escape...until Edward. He's right. Things are almost back on track. We are all happy and all a family. I wouldn't miss being his best man for the world. I wrap my arms around his neck, giving him the tightest hug I can muster but I have nothing on his mammoth arms. He squeezes me tighter and lifts me off the floor.
"Can't breathe," I choke.
He puts me down and I straighten my dress.
"Sorry. Look at it this way...now you definitely can't run away because you have an official duty to uphold."
I punch him in the arm. I'm never running away again.
EPOV
I spot Bella huddled in the corner with Emmett and smile because she has punched him. That's my feisty girl.
"So looks like that went well." I smile as I join their tête-a-tête and hand Bella her cocktail. She gulps it. "Wow, that good huh?"
"Dude, it's all good. She agreed." Emmett's face lights up.
"Say what? You told him! Before me?" She finishes the drink and sets the glass on a nearby table not bothering to eat the olives—her favorite part.
"Bells, look I needed his help. I wanted to surprise Jazzy with his own wedding coordinator, and I remembered his sister Alice was in the industry."
"What? I thought you sister was in design?" She looks lost.
"Yeah kind of like you thought I was in advertising." I smile at her and offer her my bourbon.
Emmett's booming chuckle settles over the room and draws attention to our conversation. Bella takes a sip of my drink and gets that look in her eye. I know what she is thinking and it makes me nervous.
"Here, darling, you enjoy your libation whilst I retreat to procure one of my own." She hands me back my glass leaving red lip marks on the side. Her voice is sexy as hell, but I know she is taunting me. She never speaks like that! She is pissed I've kept this from her. Fuck! I watch as her tight ass sways and the red fabric glides across the room leaving me to discuss this with Emmett.
"I told you. Trust is a big thing for Bella and I. I hated keeping it from her. I should have never listened to you and your dumbass suggestions. You should have told her sooner. Now I'm…" I run my fingers thorough my hair like a madman and gulp the rest of my drink down.
"E-man, relax." He shrugs. "It'll be great make up sex." He laughs.
Sam walks over to join the conversation now.
"Who's having makeup sex?" Sam questions.
"E-man and Bells."
"Um, do you all have to be so open and discuss everything? I'd really prefer if…"
Now Emily joins the conversation, she is petting her cat. Christ, does she tote that hairy thing everywhere?
"You don't want to discuss makeup sex? Why? Makeup sex is the best," Emily inquires innocently as she strokes the cat.
Bella, Alice, and Jasper all stroll into the room and now also join the conversation.
"Makeup sex is hot. Who's in trouble?" Alice chimes in. Fuck, I am not discussing this with my sister. I draw the line there!
"No one!" I growl.
"E-man, why so pensive? Maybe you need a cleansing breath," Jasper adds.
"I asked the same question and got no response. So looks like you need to spill, Edward." Sam chuckles.
Isabella just smiles. It's freaking me out. "Hey, Emily, do you tote your puss everywhere?" Bella's subject change catches me refreshingly off guard, but I am leery.
"Sure, Bella, don't you?"
"Well, not one that hairy. Edward prefers my brazilian." All of the color drains from my face, and I watch the smirk pass between Emily and Bella.
Jasper hands me another drink. He's my fucking savior. Maybe he should star in a production of Jesus Chris Superstar.I take a swallow, more like a gulp.
"I shave my balls! Emmy Bear prefers it that way as well," Jasper announces to the gang and winks at me. I choke and spew bourbon everywhere.
Everyone is dying from laughter as I choke. Emmett pats me on the back and adds, "You okay there, E?"
"Edward, really it's common knowledge that most men prefer the smooth clean shaven skin to the 70's no-holds-barred, hair-fest-a-palooza that once was popular and dominated porn flicks. Seriously you are so fucking uptight sometimes."
With the added snark of my Disney sister spewing pornographic statistics to me, everyone is howling with laughter. I'm stunned. How the hell did this become my life? I thought we we're just here to celebrate the engagement of two individuals wanting to share the rest of their lives together―even if they are proud gay men. I was here to support that. I was waiting patiently for Emmett to pop the question to his princess. Now, we are openly discussing shaved balls. Wonder if Bella would like that? Christ, there I go again! Who the hell as commandeered my brain?
"Speaking of porn and hair..." Emmett bends to one knee, his massive tree trunk thighs threatening to bust out of his designer jeans "...I remember when I asked Mr. Pornstache himself for Busy's hand in marriage. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done. Not because Charlie scares me but because I knew it wasn't forever for us. Sorry, Busy," he explains.
Bella smiles and shrugs while Jasper's perfectly manicured hand shoots up to his mouth to cover the gaping hole.
"Mr. Whitlock, would you do me the incredible honor of spending the rest of your life with me, being the perfectly shaved cub to my grizzly bear? Please say yes. I can't imagine my life without you in it."
I look over to Bella and tears are rolling down her apple cheeks. My sister has this crazed look on her face like she is going to plan the biggest, most fabulous drag queen wedding of the century. I actually think I can see the gears turning in that tiny head of hers. I really hope she doesn't get the Village People as a band because that would be rather trite and down right horrendous. Lady Gaga on the other hand... What have these men done to me?
"Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!"
Alice quickly whisks Jasper and Emmett away to chew their ears off about venues and tuxes. Bella and I walk into the kitchen so I can make us another drink. I'm sure the celebration has only just started.
"What's with the tears?" I ask.
"I'm really happy for them. They both deserve this so much, Em especially," she explains through uncontrollable sobs. My girl is always beautiful and confident and everything in my bones tells me something is wrong.
"But that doesn't explain the tears. You're not exactly the emotional type. Alice...I can understand but you..."
She swipes at her tears and I can tell she's going to brush it off.
"It's nothing. Em and I almost got married and I am so happy we didn't. Everything would have been different. We would have been miserable and now he's so happy I just—"
"You're not happy?" I interrupt. I'm afraid that I've managed to find the one swan in the universe that doesn't mate for life. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I am scared to death one wrong move and she will run away...only from me this time.
"Of course I am. I just wonder if maybe I'm not cut out for that type of life."
"Marriage?" I ask and my voice cracks like the prepubescent pizza delivery boy.
She nods, her brown eyes pools of question.
"Between my dad and Em and my relationship track record, it doesn't exactly seem promising."
I have to stop this train before it derails and throws this beautiful disaster we have going off course. It's way too early to be talking marriage, and I would never dream about caging her like an exotic animal that needs to be free. It doesn't change the fact that like Emmett, I can't imagine my life without her in it.
"Is it not enough just to have a long, happy life with me?" That's all I want and I know my own happiness depends on this girl by my side...forever.
Marriage isn't necessary, just having a life with her is enough, and I think that's the direction we were going in. If I knew marriage was such a touchy subject I would have never blindsided her with this news. I would have let her know before we got here.
She lets my words sink in and I see a faint spark in her glazed over eyes. Her lips turn up into the slightest smirk before she says, "Yeah. For now."
Those three words give me enough confidence to know without a doubt this collision course is far from over and I couldn't be happier. The day Isabella Swan walked into my office was like two worlds collided, creating one unfathomable universe and you know what they say about the universe...It all started with a Big Bang.
E/N The end. It was a bumpy, crazy, ridiculous, and insane ride but all good things must come to an end. Right?
maxipoo: Hell to the no! Do you know us at all?
branchirps: They probably don't... LOL But we'll tell ya anyway.
maxipoo: Well that little reference to the Big Bang...
branchirps: Could possibly be a reference...if you all talk dirty to us!
maxipoo: Alright, you've all begged enough. So here's the deal. There is a sequel in the works called, "The Big Bang." And we have an extra special mystery guest coming along for the ride. I suddenly feel like singing, "I'm Your Captain" by Grand Funk Railroad. Is she going to be El Capitan on this new adventure?
branchirps: So here goes peeps...
The Big Bang (Find the banner on our profile)
Bella: maxipoo
Edward: branchirps
Alice: jtmd24