It took five hours to hit any sort of path at all. I had decided that the best idea was to go west, since we'd been near the beach to start out with and beaches always lead to roads. I walked, the grass crunching beneath my shoes as I began to think of everything that happened. I remembered Paul extending his hand, asking me to step away from the vampire, Emily running outside as I drove away from the house, how lucky I was that Sam had turned on Paul to keep him from killing me.
No doubt that would have killed Paul too. I found myself sobbing alone as the rain started to pour down. What kind of imprint was I? What kind of friend was I to let the people I cared about go through the awful things they were going through? I shivered as thunder rolled somewhere in the distance.
The images wouldn't leave my mind. I saw Paul walking along the beach holding my hand. Imprint or not, I had to wonder if he would ever forgive me. I was the only one who wanted Laurent alive, and now that same vampire was planning on making me a part of his coven.
What were the odds? Was this some sort of cosmic irony?
I finally hit the beach and there was a little motel on the side of the road. I went inside sweaty, rained, and crying. As soon as I hit the lobby my phone started to ring. The sound startled me and drew the attention of the people in the room who hadn't noticed my pathetic appearance. They looked at me up and down and returned to whatever they were doing as I swung my purse around and unclasped the opening.
I pulled out the phone and answered the phone without looking at the caller.
"Hello?" My voice was rough and gravelly. I didn't recognize my sob choked tone.
"Where is she?" demanded a roaring voice that made me physically flinch.
"Who is this?"
"It's Jasper. I can't find Bella anywhere!" he cried. I was eerily calm as every emotion had been ripped away from me. My hair dripped down my back and my movements were calm and precise. I swallowed, knowing that I had to answer.
"The bathroom had two exits," I said. Jasper said something so fast, so fierce that it was incomprehensible. I went to the pamphlets to the right of me. I should have been surprised to see what I had. There were tourist guides to Vancouver.
I was in Canada.
"I know the bathroom had two exits! Where did she go?" Jasper roared in a panic. I thought I heard Alice say something in the background. "How is she getting there? Is Edward here yet?"
"She took a cab," I said unable to feel the excitement I usually felt when I was helping them. Jasper said something so quickly that I couldn't understand it. Alice's soprano voice followed after him. I casually opened up one of the free pamphlets and looked at the pictures. Meanwhile I could feel the eyes on me.
"Edward!" I heard Jasper yell and then he hung up on me. The chill of silence struck me. It reinforced the feeling of being alone and abandoned.
They were busy. I understood that. It wasn't like I didn't deserve to feel as terrible as I did. Still feeling dead and emotionless, I went to the woman at the desk and pulled out my wallet. She smiled prettily at me forgiving my appearance. I stuffed my phone away and gave her a polite smile back.
"Can I have a single room please?" I asked her.
"Can I see your driver's license?" the woman asked. I took out my license which was still a California ID and showed it to her. She made a face and clicked her pen. "You have to be at least eighteen to get a room. Also you need a Canada ID." I stared at her incredulously and swallowed.
"Listen," I said to her giving her my most patience as I clasped my hands together. She looked had the worried look every clerk had when they had to deny something to a customer. Usually I would sympathize, but after the day I had I was not about to. "Ma'am, I've had an exhausting day. I've just been dumped into the middle of the wilderness by a maniac, beat the love of my life with a crow bar, and allowed my friends to walk straight into a trap. Can I please, please, just have a room?"
I narrowed my eyes and turned the meanest look I had on the woman. If she didn't give me what I wanted, I knew I was going to make a scene. I would topple over the magazine rack and jump over the counter to attack her, because I'd had enough.
I just wanted to sleep.
I felt a growl in my throat that mimicked Paul's. I knew with my disheveled look, my hair matted and frizzing from the rain, my soaked clothes sticking and stretching awkwardly across my body and the mascara I had applied this morning was no doubt smeared all over my cheeks at this point.
I felt wild, and I hoped I looked wild. The woman was slightly taken aback. She looked backward at a younger teenage kid who had been filing papers. He gave her a sympathetic shrug. The woman smiled and handed me a key.
"Thank you," I hissed as venomously as I could and handed her the emergency credit card my parents had lent me. She rang me up and wished me a nice stay. I gave her my best smile I could manage which probably came off more as creepy than anything else.
With that I turned and went to the room. Blue curtains covered the windows, but the rest of the room had a burnt orange color. The wind was picking up. I could see a little sliver of the rocky ocean through the opening. I crossed the room, not bothering to turn on any lights and shut the window. I didn't want my thoughts to carry me away just yet.
I was exhausted and desperately needed rest. I turned on the heater on full blast in my room, took off my clothes and set them to dry while I used the cotton bathrobe and fell asleep face first on the bed, hugging myself and the purse to my chest.
I woke to the sound of the phone ring and immediately cursed as loud as I could. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone. I looked at the time. It was three in the afternoon the next day. I guess I missed check out. I grumbled incoherently to myself as I dug through the purse and flipped open the phone.
"What?" I growled.
"Cammy?" asked a gentle voice. I was immediately taken aback. It was Alice. Suddenly events began to rush back to me, and I knew I should behave myself. I frantically forced myself out of bed. I picked myself up and hurried over to my clothes by the heating vent. They weren't just hot, they were burning. The wrinkles in the folds of them were ironed into them.
"Alice?" I asked. Sudden fear swept over me. "Alice, is everything okay?"
"Cammy, you know everything is okay. Bella is recovering in the hospital. Edward and Carlisle are staying there," Alice said. I fell backward in relief from my crouched position next to my clothes. I leaned against the bed frame and gasped, finding myself sobbing with relief.
Everything was fine. I had been right.
"Oh Alice," I cried, the tears coming down freely now. I choked on a sob. "I am so sorry. I wish I could have warned you and Edward! I'm a terrible, terrible person and you deserve to hate me the rest of your existence. I'm an awful person. I've done bad things and... and..." And then I broke down crying more heavily than I had in all my life.
Alice hushed me over the phone. I was too distracted to be surprised that she wasn't accusing me of nearly killing Bella. I slapped my hand over my eyes and bawled hysterically into the odd patterned hotel carpet. My legs curled into me in the fetal position as I blubbered. Once I got started I couldn't stop myself.
"Cammy," she said. Her melodic voice was soothing. "Cammy, you have to calm down." Somehow that command ripped through me and I found myself eager to obey her. "You have to remember that I know what things that are going to happen too. I know the guilt you feel."
I hiccupped in response.
"You're not mad?" I asked.
"Some things are impossible to avoid. Sometimes destiny is set and not even a warning can change anything. You did the right thing keeping us on the direction we were already going. If you hadn't made us take the path where Bella was sure to survive other more dangerous things could have happened. I saw Edward contemplating suicide if he didn't make it in time... I see now that you've saved my brother as well," Alice said. Her voice was like a mother singing to her child, trying to console me. I felt a wave of calm.
"Edward will never forgive me," I murmured pathetically.
"Of course he will," Alice said. "He just needs to get over his temper first. He'll see that even though she's hurt, she's alive." I looked at myself on the floor curled into a ball. My breath caught again, forcing sudden gasps as I tried to calm myself. "He blames himself more than you. He'll always blame himself before anybody."
I sniffled.
"Alice, you're being too nice to me," I said. "You should be yelling at me. You should tell me never to talk to you again. I knew the danger you were walking into. I knew Bella's plan to run away."
"How can I do that when you saved my sister?" she coaxed. I felt a weak smile, but the guilt deepened. I felt the hole in my heart physically. It wrenched with pain with each thud. I accepted that she was going to forgive me for the things I'd done, or rather the things I hadn't done like stopping Bella from going to the baseball game.
I was luckier than any other human on the planet just then. Even more than Bella. The Cullens miraculously had found it in themselves to look beyond my tenacity to stick to the story. Then I remembered that they'd also helped me in my own grand scheme to set up for New Moon.
"By the way, thank you for the crow bar," I said weakly. I could almost hear Alice smile.
"I couldn't see what you would need it for. What did you end up doing with it?" she asked lightly.
"I beat a werewolf with it," I said. I cringed at the memory. She was silent for a moment. I waited for her reaction.
"Oh," was all she could respond with. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch. I covered my eyes with my hand as I laid down on the floor next to my clothes. "I think we'll need to fill in on some details when we get back. I saw where you were and Jasper should be there very soon. He'll give you a ride home." Again I felt the pain of being undeserved of such kindness.
I felt myself hiccup again.
"Alice. Please. You have to inflict some sort of torture on me. I don't deserve this at all," I begged. Alice sighed playfully and made a thoughtful noise that made me smile.
"Hmm... I suppose I could. May I take you shopping?" Alice asked.
"No," I said. "Don't spend money on me. I want you to punish me..."
"That is punishment for you. You can be my human doll for a day. I won't get a chance to play with Bella for a while," she said. I opened my mouth to protest, but a knock on the door interrupted me. "Jazz is there. Sorry it took him so long. He had to hunt. But he'll sneak you back into the country." I walked over to the door tightening my hand on the doorknob and standing on my tip toes to see who it was through the peephole.
I don't know why I bothered. Alice was right, of course it was Jasper.
"Thank you, Alice. You are an absolute angel," I said into the phone as I opened the door. Jasper was waiting for me.
"I'll see you when you get home," Alice said. She hung up. I looked at Jasper who stood across from me, his eyes a light butterscotch from recent hunting. They softened as he looked me over and grimaced. I guess I still hadn't cleaned up. I probably smelled just as bad as I looked.
"What happened to you?" he asked sizing me up. I sighed and felt my heart wrench in pain again. I could barely look at his face.
"It's a very long story," I said. Jasper sighed. He grasped me by the shoulders and turned me around.
"Please, take a shower. You can tell me in the car," he said soothingly as he steered me toward the bathroom. Before I could even shut the door behind me he was handing me my clothes from across the room. I smiled appreciatively and shut the door.
The warm water was a relief, and so was the feeling of being clean. I felt a newness in scrubbing off the layer of smeared make up, tear stains, rain water, and mud that had seeped into my shoes. My stiff and dry clothes even felt better. I stepped out of bathroom, my hair clean, but tangled.
Jasper was sitting up on the bed watching the television. In a flash he was on his feet. He handed me the big ugly purse. I took it and pulled my arm through the strap onto my shoulder. Jasper and I had a long exchange as we stood there, staring at one another.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice cracking as the tears came to the brim of my eyes again.
"Come on," was all Jasper replied as he held his hand over my back, not quite touching me, but leading me along. I went downstairs and did the rest of the billing, along with turning in the key at the front desk. Jasper and I went out the front door where there was a black Mercedes Benz parked out the front.
Jasper walked around the front of the car to the driver's side. The headlights flashed, signaling the door was unlocked. I pulled on the handle and let myself in. He was already starting the engine. The car revved and slowly inched forward. There was a moment of silence in the car that lasted until we came to the I-101.
Jasper could stand the silence much better than I could.
"Did anyone notice I was gone?" I said. My voice croaked.
"Not that I know of," Jasper said softly. I nodded understandingly. Bella had been gone. That must have been enough to occupy the Forks residents and was much more interesting than my disappearance. Not to mention Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bob were still gone. No doubt the wolves were happy to be rid of me. Darkness clouded my thoughts, but would not overwhelm me like they should have. Maybe Jasper was taking care of that.
"Jasper," I said, blinking rapidly to get rid of tears that weren't there, but felt like it should. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you. Picking me up from an entirely different country was more than I deserve from you too." Jasper rested with one hand on the steering wheel. He half smiled.
"It's just Canada. It's not as far of a drive as you think," Jasper said. He looked patient. I fidgeted with my fingers my lap. "How did you get there?" I sighed and started to tell the whole story. I watched Jasper's face carefully as I explained how I escaped La Push. To my surprise he frowned.
"I never asked them to tie you down," he growled. My mouth twitched into a sad smile and I continued to tell them my escape and the use for the crow bar in my truck. Jasper's face relaxed. He held out his hand to stop me in mid-sentence. "So your plan was to find Laurent, take a stand in front of him, beat the dog over the head with a crow bar until he attacked you, and then hope that Sam and the other one would take the dog out before he could have the chance to kill you. Meanwhile you released a bloodthirsty vampire onto the public because he would be valuable to us later?"
Jasper didn't look like he quite believe me. I sighed and tucked my hands in my pockets sheepishly as I sank in the cushioned seat.
"And then that vampire saved me from being attacked by Paul," I added. Jasper was patiently quiet as he waited for me to add to that. "He took me away from the... I guess it was a dog pile, for lack of a better word. He grabbed me and ran with me. That's how I ended up outside Vancouver." Jasper's blonde brow furrowed. His perfect locks falling to frame his face.
"Laurent didn't kill you," Jasper said astonished.
"No," I said. But my hands were still shaking from the encounter. He could have very well killed me from a fear alone.
"Why?" he wondered.
I paused. Maybe I hadn't quite thought this through. How much should I reveal about Laurent? I couldn't tell him that he was coming back in a year. Jasper had to leave along with the rest of his family. I felt the hollow pit of dread in my stomach as I thought this.
"I don't know," I lied. I swallowed hard. "I guess he was just grateful that I saved him." Jasper looked even more confused. He looked at me, then back on the road. I tried to keep my emotions calm, but they were starting to creep up again. I wrapped my own hands around each other tightly as I stared at them in my lap.
"That doesn't quite make sense," Jasper said.
But that was my story and I was sticking to it. When Jasper turned away from the road to look at me I just shrugged playing the ignorant human card. He made a thoughtful look as he tried to understand Laurent's motives.
"How's Bella?" I asked him. Jasper looked worried.
"Hurt. But she'll survive," he said. His voice was very quiet. I wondered if the reason for his answering like this was because of me. If he resented me for Bella's condition. I swallowed hard. I had to ask.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked at a volume that was just as quiet. Jasper deliberated for a moment and then shook his head.
"No. It's just Edward," Jasper said. I felt a pang in my heart. But Jasper corrected my assumption. "I'm worried about him. About how stubborn he is being about changing her." He was quiet for an instant. "I am just worried that my brother is going to die when she does, because he refuses to give himself eternity with her. She is very fragile." I thought about that for an instant.
I'd never taken into consideration how his family might feel about Edward deciding to keep her human. That they would know that their time with Edward was limited to how much time Bella was spending. Poor Carlisle and Esme, knowing, or at least thinking, that their son was going to die and there was nothing they could do about it.
Poor Jasper.
It was a good thing Alice knew better. Jasper glanced at me.
"You'll be the death of me, I swear you will," I remembered Edward saying in the book before the baseball game. Good thing Bella was going to fight the good fight and try to convince him that she could stay with him for eternity too. Bella would be fine. She would be changed, as long as things went the way they were supposed to.
"Alice still sees her being changed," I told Jasper. He shook his head.
"Edward would never allow it," he said sullen. He turned to me, as I sneaked a grin. I wanted to say it very, very badly. And why shouldn't I? Jasper would never know that I stole it from Bella.
"You'll never catch me betting against Alice," I quoted. Jasper gave me a funny expression. He sighed and we both turned our attention to the swerving road before us. As always we were going too fast, but it was easy to trust my life in Jasper's hands. If, even after all this, he could be understanding and forgiving then maybe I could stand life in Forks no matter what wrath I now had to face from the werewolves.
With Alice and Jasper on my side, it might be possible to even have Edward forgive me.
"So..." I said trying to lighten the mood. "I told you my story. Tell me what happened in Phoenix." Jasper's small smile returned. His coy grin turned on me.
"As if you didn't already know," he teased. It was a line straight from the book, given to Alice. It made me smile that there were still fun little insignificant moments between the death-defying disasters. It didn't always have to be betrayal and heart breaks.
"I want to hear the Jasper perspective. Bella just goes on and on and on and on about Edward. How was Jasper's trip to Phoenix?" I asked. He knew I was filling up time. I need to talk about something that wasn't foreboding back in Washington.
"Well," he said. "It all started after I got off the phone with you..." It was soothing listening to my wonderful friend's voice the whole way home.