Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi created Inuyasha; I am just working with her characters.
Author's Note: Two-year anniversary of this fanfic. That's just terrible. I need to write faster.
Thank you, precious reviewers! I read each one, even if I can't reply to all. Readers were of two minds about last chapter –happy with the kiss, or saying the relationship moved too fast, and more obstacles were needed. (Eighty-seven thousand words is 'moving fast'?!) I will do my best to satisfy both camps.
Sorry for the delay – at first, Sesshoumaru was aggressive, and he tried to force Kagome to sleep with him, and then he was passive, while Kagome tried to jump his bones. It took me five tries to write a version in which they both stay in character. (Well, 'in character' is a loose term when reading Sess x Kag fanfiction anyway…)
For information on the Tale of Genji, and male / female relations in the Heian era, I refer you to the following two sites: (Take out the spaces).
en . wikipedia . org / wiki / TheTaleofGenji
Intersections . anu . edu . au / issue7 / tyler . h t m l
Chapter 24: Truth Will Out
Sango waited until the taiyoukai was out of sight, and then waited a few minutes more, just for good measure. Dog-demons had exceptional hearing, after all. But as soon as it seemed likely that he was well and truly gone, she pounced.
"So, Kagome-chan," began the taijiya in her friendliest tone, "What were you and Sesshoumaru talking about?"
The dark-haired priestess blushed and started fidgeting. Oh, that did not bode well. It didn't take a brilliant mind to deduce that there was more to this situation than met the eye. Sango frowned slightly, scooting closer to her friend.
"He asked me to have tea with him again," Kagome muttered, clearly embarrassed by the idea. Sango would have understood many reactions – disbelief, worry, fear – but embarrassment? Even happiness would have been more predictable, since Kagome was always rather cheerful about things.
"Oh," nodded the taijiya calmly. Then, after a lengthy pause, she added, "Again?"
Kagome's head rose. She looked slightly bewildered. "Er, yes," whispered the priestess in an undertone, shooting a significant glance in Inuyasha's direction. "Like last night."
The demon-slayer had not fully believed her friend's tale, earlier in the day, any more than she did now. "Of course."
Lapsing into silence, they watched from afar as Inuyasha tried to take out half the forest at once, using the Kaze no Kizu. Somehow, his instructor seemed less than impressed. Neither one of them paid the slightest attention to the group of humans huddled farther up the hill. Sango decided this was probably a good thing, since she was trying to encourage Kagome to open up about Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha would only shut down any conversations about his half-brother the moment he overheard them.
"I had no idea you were on such good terms with Sesshoumaru-sama," Sango continued patiently, when she realized Kagome would say no more on the subject without motivation.
Still slightly pink in the cheeks, the priestess shook her head quickly. "Oh, no! It's nothing like that!" she protested, "I think he wants to know more about my era. That's all."
Yet the telltale redness did not go away. The taijiya chewed on her bottom lip in consternation. How could she force her best friend to tell the rest of the tale? Sango was very good at providing a listening ear, but she had never been an expert at weaseling information out of others.
No, for that sort of thing, they had… Miroku. Of course, Sango thought, that might make a bad situation even worse. But desperate times called for desperate measures, didn't they?
Slowly but surely, like an inevitable collision that she just didn't know how to prevent, Sango's eyes slid toward the violet robed monk, who was leaning against a nearby tree. He smiled benignly. Sango shuddered and quickly looked away again.
No. Absolutely not. She knew that mischievous twinkle in his eye all too well; there was no chance that including the monk would improve Kagome's predicament.
Taking a deep breath, she swiveled back to face her friend once more. "Do you feel comfortable telling Sesshoumaru about the future?" asked Sango, trying to focus on the issue at hand, instead of the all-too-knowing look in the monk's gaze. "The first time you mentioned it around him, that was an accident. Are you sure you should?"
This seemed to set the priestess at ease. Finally, a question that Kagome would answer! Nodding her head, the blue-eyed girl smiled a tiny bit. "Yes, he's trustworthy," Kagome decided firmly, "He even stopped his mother from … er… well, I almost said something else about my era, out loud, and he stopped me, in case other people were listening."
"Ah!" came an unexpected, jaunty male voice behind their backs. Both ladies stiffened in place. The rings on the priest's staff sounded like tinkling chimes as he abruptly sat near Kagome's other side. "I cannot recall the last time I had such good fortune," Miroku interjected, "… as to receive a young lady's invitation to a midnight tea service."
Obviously, he had been eavesdropping on the conversation all along.
The blush returned full-force. Waving her hands in the air, Kagome sputtered, "No! No, it's not…"
"Sake, then, not tea?" the monk continued, relentlessly.
"Miroku!"
Fortunately, Sango intervened on her friend's behalf. With a sigh, the taijiya rolled her eyes, expressing her exasperation. "I hardly think that taunting her will help, monk."
The guilty look on Kagome's face spoke a thousand words, and the futuristic priestess looked down at her hands. "I'm sure it isn't that big a deal," she said, almost sadly. "He probably thought he had to do it, just to keep his word or something. As a favor to me."
Abruptly allies again, Miroku and Sango leaned forward, determined to discover what Kagome was referring to.
"What do you mean, Kagome-chan?" asked the taijiya.
"Sesshoumaru-sama has been giving favors to you?" the monk inquired eagerly, at the same time, placing a more perverse spin on the facts. Sango glared.
To be fair, it wasn't only Miroku's mischievous nature that made him say such things. Certainly, Kagome was easy to tease, and it was difficult to turn down the opportunity to work a pretty lady into a temper - irritation or embarrassment always emphasized the lovely color of a lady's eyes. But there was more to it than that!
The good-natured priestess was the only woman who never slapped him for his wandering hands, and who consistently believed his tall-tales. In her effort to believe the best of everyone, she had taken longer than any one else in the group to realize that he nearly always spotted 'ominous clouds' over the richest, most spacious looking house in a village, whenever they needed a place to stay for the night. To put it bluntly – at times, Kagome could be painfully naïve. Thus, someone had to make dirty comments, if only to implant the suggestion in her mind that not all people were saints, and she should be more cautious when dealing with others.
Unfortunately, this time, the arrow hit close to the mark. Kagome reverted to her earlier flustered behavior. "I asked him to do it!" she exclaimed, before realizing what she had said and clamping her mouth shut.
"To do what?" Sango asked, wide-eyed.
For a moment, it seemed like she would try and deny her earlier misstatement, but eventually Kagome surrendered, admitting what had passed between Sesshoumaru and herself. Her audience members wore similarly shell-shocked expressions when she was done. "… But it wasn't really his idea," Kagome finished sedately, "His Mom put some freaky poison in the tea that made us act all weird. And so he offered to let me have normal tea instead."
"So, you believe he was simply fulfilling a promise, because he's… an honorable person," murmured Sango, practically choking over the word 'honorable' but steadfastly following her friend's twisted chain of logic through to its end, "And that disappoints you?"
"No," Kagome scratched her head, almost as confused by the taijiya's lack of a reaction, as she was by her own response to the situation. "Yes. I don't know…"
"Ah! I cannot even remember the last time a spirited young lady pined over the fact that I had not paid her enough attention…"
"Monk!" growled the demon-slayer irately, "Not. Helping."
"My apologies, Sango, my love."
Oddly enough, both of Kagome's friends were of opposite minds on the subject of Sesshoumaru, yet they came to precisely the same conclusion.
Sango had been acquainted with the girl for months now, and she thought of Kagome as the sister she had never known. The priestess encouraged others to follow their hearts no matter what the consequence – a novel philosophy for the time – yet Sango had watched as Kagome's dreams were trampled on time and time again. Most of all, she just wanted to see her friend happy.
Until today, Sango had been under the impression that Kagome was infatuated with Inuyasha. She thought this, because the priestess had all but admitted it, in some of their private talks and girl-time moments. But while Inuyasha's temper matched Kagome's own, sometimes the taijiya had wondered what else matched up between the two of them. Her own father had always stressed the importance of finding a partner with equal interests and ideals, so Kagome's regard for the half-demon had come as a surprise to Sango. Not that Inuyasha was a bad person! On the contrary! He simply seemed a bit… rough around the edges, while Kagome worried about reading books and passing scholarly exams.
In any case, she had assumed that Kagome still idolized the half-demon, so it was a huge shock to her system to realize that might not be true anymore. When did it happen? Sango had seen no signs of change – their group had continued down the usual pathway, chasing Naraku and seeking shards, until a week ago when Sora arrived with an unexpected offer to train Inuyasha. And at that time, there had been a letter from Sesshoumaru, addressed to the priestess, and they had all teased her about… Oh! Oh, dear. Her best friend had been embarrassed and flustered that time too, when Miroku insinuated the letter was a love-letter.
Desperately, Sango cast her memory back further, trying to find the very first instance of her friend's slowly metamorphosing mind-set. It was impossible, though. She simply wasn't good enough at reading those kind of clues. Besides, the important question was why Kagome had not said anything until today. Even this morning, the priestess had tried to side-step the issue, when Sango asked where she had been last night. Why wouldn't Kagome talk about her feelings? That was completely unlike her. Usually the girl was so open and free with her emotions that anyone within walking distance could tell exactly what she thought.
Focused on her friend's emotional response, and the fact that Kagome had not discussed it with her already, Sango realized her friend might have been equally worried about their potential reactions. And that simply would not do. Now that Sango had experienced what a joy it was to have someone like Kagome as her friend, she did not want to go back to the kind of superficial social relationships she had before. Kagome must feel free to tell her anything! She wanted to reassure her best friend.
Well, then. What did Kagome want to hear the most, right now? Strange as it seemed, the priestess acted as if she was disappointed that Sesshoumaru might not be interested in her. And she automatically assumed this was true, partly because Inuyasha had stunted her emotional growth, and partly because the taiyoukai would never, ever admit it, even if he did like her.
Head spinning, Sango rubbed her forehead, trying to think. How could she reassure her friend, while at the same time, encouraging Kagome to place a safe, respectful distance between herself and Inuyasha's half-brother? The only thing worse than watching Kagome throw her heart at Inuyasha's feet, of course, would be watching her do this toward someone even less merciful and less likely to reciprocate. Sesshoumaru would walk all over her, without a second thought! At least Inuyasha had to be slightly considerate toward Kagome's feelings, since they all traveled in the same group; constant bickering was unpleasant. But what concern for Kagome's well being did a taiyoukai have?
"What do you want to do?" inquired Sango unhappily, "I don't know if you should take him up on that offer. But you should do what you want to… It's just… How about I come with you?"
Miroku, meanwhile, came to a similar conclusion for entirely separate reasons. To the violet-eyed monk, the problem was simple. Any good philanderer could recognize a lecherous look when he saw one, and the inu-youkai had sent such a covetous gaze upon the priestess that there was no mistaking his intention.
Sesshoumaru's temperament had always seemed mercurial, in Miroku's mind. While others saw the young lord as stoic or apathetic, even cruel, to the monk he was impossible to categorize. Every time Miroku believed he had divined the taiyoukai's motivations, Sesshoumaru re-wrote the rules. He desired the Tessaiga, but he left the sword behind in order to seal Inuyasha's demonic blood. He despised his half-brother, but offered to train him and fought beside him on numerous occasions. He 'hated' humans, but he adopted an orphan girl.
The dog-demon seemed at once incredibly intelligent, ruthless, and irresolute. It was as if he had no tenacity of purpose, occasionally abandoning his current goals for something more interesting farther down the road. For instance, in the first fight Miroku witnessed between brothers, Sesshoumaru had been winning, hands-down, but he walked away from the fight without finishing it, when it became clear he could no longer wield the Tessaiga. And at times, Sesshoumaru argued violently with his half-brother, yet more often he left conversations half-finished, wandering away, indifferent to his half-brother's ire.
On the other hand, when the taiyoukai was truly fascinated with something, it seemed that fate itself could not turn him from his chosen path. The pursuit of power was one field in which Sesshoumaru particularly excelled. His relentless search for Naraku also demonstrated a high level of commitment to his goals. Considering that Naraku had only wounded Sesshoumaru's honor (as far as Miroku knew), it was impressive that the taiyoukai cared so deeply about destroying the evil hanyou. Clearly, getting on Sesshoumaru's bad side was the wrong move.
Thus, the fact that he seemed interested in Kagome was worrisome. What kind of preoccupation was this – fleeting? Enduring? Either way, their group would suffer in the end. As usual, Kagome drew trouble to herself like a moth to flame, and she didn't even realize it.
"I agree with Sango-sama," nodded Miroku sagely. "Without knowing his purpose, accepting such an invitation would be risky at best."
"What do you mean?" protested the priestess.
Frowning, the monk pondered for a moment and finally decided on a course of action. When words did not suffice, Miroku decided, sometimes an illustrative tale helped. "Kagome-sama, have you read the Tales of Genji?"
"Er… Yes?" a very puzzled priestess replied. "In Japanese literature class."
"And do you remember the lady from 'Under the Cherry Blossoms'?" continued Miroku brightly, smiling.
"No, but somehow it does not surprise me that you have this book memorized." The storyline, as far as Kagome could recall, was primarily centered around the bedroom exploits of a son to the emperor, nicknamed the "Shining One" or Genji. Thus, it did not surprise her that Miroku knew the plot by heart. It was probably his idea of "101 feudal era pickup lines for women." Okay, okay, maybe Miroku was not that bad. The story was masterfully written and very involved, after all. It was a classic in the future as well.
The monk's smile faltered momentarily, as his cheek twitched. "Kagome-sama! You wound me! There was little enough reading material in the temple, and my master promised it was a great work…"
"Mm-hm," one blue-eyed priestess agreed non-committedly, teasing her friend a little more.
Sango merely glanced back and forth between the two of them, wondering what she had missed. In her years as a demon-slayer, she did not have the chance to read much, so the argument passed over her head for the most part. However, she suspected her best friend's comments had something to do with Miroku's licentious tendencies. Usually when one mocked the monk, his behavior made him an easy target.
"How about the lady from the Safflower chapter, then?" Miroku argued, persistently.
Kagome stared for a few moments, until the implications finally sank into her mind. Then, she gasped. "Oh my god! Are you comparing Sesshoumaru to that… that… womanizer? You're mad!"
At her loud exclamation, Sora faltered in the distance. Inuyasha used the opening to smack his instructor over the head with the flat of Tessaiga. And the flat side of Tessaiga was very, very large. The half-wind youkai collapsed for a moment, and sat up rubbing his head. Soon, both half-dog demons gaped at the humans, grouped together under the trees on the hillside. For a long moment, no one moved.
Finally, Inuyasha broke the stalemate with a patented, clueless, outburst of indignation. "What?" huffed the hanyou, returning to his instructor, "You get distracted that easy?"
Sending one last long look toward the priestess, Sora stood and brushed off his clothing. "The subject of their discussion does not interest you, I suppose?" he hedged, warily.
"Books?" blinked Inuyasha, who had only been half-attentive to the humans' conversation. "Nah. She reads those every day."
"Hn." The instructor rubbed the back of his head once more, then, tilting his head, he considered his pupil for a while, as if he wondered what to say. Finally, he shook his head. Signaling for Inuyasha to continue, Sora warned, "Next time, it will not be so easy to approach me."
All three humans had frozen in place, throughout this brief side-discussion, and the blood had drained out of Kagome's face. Only once Inuyasha was distracted again, did she return to her argument with Miroku, now in a furiously subdued voice. She shook her finger at the monk.
"First of all, the Heian era ended hundreds of years ago!" Kagome whispered, "And secondly, that implication is ridiculous. Genji was a total lecher, and a fictional character. This is real life! Sesshoumaru is not like that."
"I was merely remarking upon society's perception of the ladies in the story," asserted the monk quietly, "Not the way they were treated."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Kagome resolutely denied her companions. "No way," she asserted, "That is absurd. Just because five hundred years ago a princess was expected to escape the gaze of any unrelated males, that doesn't mean I have to act that way. What you see is what you get."
Of course, it would have taken a stronger man than Miroku to resist such bait. "And what a pleasant sight you are, my lady," he added gleefully, a wide grin stretching out across his face. His right hand crept toward her knee.
With a growl, Sango smacked him over the head using her bone-boomerang, and the discussion ended as abruptly as it had started.
"Everything will be fine, Sango," nodded Kagome, reassuring her friend, "You'll see."
The taijiya still seemed slightly perturbed by the idea, but she yielded in the end. Kagome probably had a reason for wanting to talk with Sesshoumaru alone. Maybe the taiyoukai would not speak honestly in the company of too many strange humans? Either way, she would not pressure her friend into an uncomfortable decision. If it did not trouble Kagome to see him again, then it was probably fine.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The embarrassing part, Kagome decided, was not that she had kissed Sesshoumaru, and it was not that she admitted to doing so, out loud, to her friends, within hearing range of Inuyasha. It was not even when she turned down their obviously well-intentioned offers to help her. No, the truly mortifying realization was the real reason why she didn't want Sango to accompany her.
There would be absolutely no chance to repeat today's events, with Sango lurking in the background. Not that she wanted to kiss him again! It was just an errant thought… that… somehow she couldn't quite put out of her mind.
Besides, if Sango were there, then she would never be able to speak freely with Sesshoumaru. It was not as though she could talk to the taiyoukai about what happened, while her best friend chaperoned and oversaw the entire conversation. So, she needed an opportunity to be alone with him. She didn't quite know what they would speak about or what she hoped to hear, but privacy was necessary.
Shuffling over polished wooden planks, slower and slower with each step, Kagome finally stopped in the middle of the hallway. This was so confusing! His usual attitude toward humans implied they were lowly servants. His actions though – the way his gaze had focused on her completely, and his body had angled towards hers – those things had said she was interesting and attractive to him. And Sesshoumaru, she knew, accorded worth to very few people.
It was flattering. It would have been extremely flattering, indeed, if she had thought he meant it. That was the confusing part – had he only agreed to kiss her because she asked? That could not be right, though, because the taiyoukai was not the type to meekly do what he was told. Perhaps he had felt honor-bound to agree, after the incident with the tea? But no, that made no sense either, because the dog-demon had only said she could 'ask again' if she still wanted to kiss him, in the morning. He had never actually said that he would agree to such an act.
So, why then, would Sesshoumaru do such a thing? It seemed out of character, yet it happened. Perhaps she simply did not understand his character as well as she had once thought. First impressions counted for a lot, and her first meeting with Sesshoumaru had been negative. Very, very negative. Kagome was not one to hold grudges, but she could clearly recall the white-haired dog-demon saying how humans were the scum of the earth, and it was fitting that a half-blooded demon would hang around with such lowly creatures. So, based on this first impression, perhaps she had been categorizing him as evil all along, when really he had changed somewhat.
And he had changed! Over time, the taiyoukai had done things that did not fit the character she originally adopted for him. Caring for Rin, working with his brother in battles, saving her from Mukotsu and then Sounga, all of these made her trust him more. She had resolved to act more respectful toward him and improve his view of humans, even going so far as to buy him a gift of a blue, silk garment, embroidered with the form of a white dog. Which, she noted privately, he still wore. And now, he had made the first truly kind gesture toward his half-brother that she could remember, by offering to train Inuyasha, albeit indirectly through Sora.
Also, she had met his mother. While this had not improved her opinion of demons in general, it had opened her eyes to one important fact - Sesshoumaru was a child once too. It was hard to view him as an untouchable, cold and distant creature, after seeing that he had a family and a history.
In the end, she did not know very much about him at all, and she wanted to know him better. That much was certain. As for what else she wanted, however, Kagome felt unsure.
The way she responded to the situation depended on what Sesshoumaru wanted from her. And she could not get inside Sesshoumaru's head, so she was left to flounder in confusion. If he did not care about her at all, then she would not even consider thinking about him romantically. But if he did care about her, then she would not mind caring about him in return. So, really, the whole situation depended on what he thought.
With Inuyasha she had laid her heart out on the table far too early! She had promised to stay by his side, forever, right from the outset, anticipating this would show him her faithfulness. But instead of drawing Inuyasha closer to her, their 'relationship' had turned into one long, drawn-out, miserable ordeal.
Perhaps it could have benefited her hanyou companion too, if she had demanded that he decide between Kikyou and herself. At least he would have had only one girl to focus on, instead of making stupid comments to Miroku about 'wanting them both.' Neither Kikyou nor Kagome had been satisfied with a rival for Inuyasha's affection. Each time he had left her to seek out Kikyou, her heart had died a little bit. Yet Inuyasha had been determined to ingratiate himself with both girls. In the end, no one had been happy.
The last straw had been when he abandoned her in the mountains, and one of Naraku's offspring, Akago, had attacked her. Despite the visions of darkness and despair the evil infantile-looking creature had offered her, she had clung to the idea of her love for Inuyasha like a lifeline. She had shouted her love for her him to the rooftops, and he had heard her, but failed to reply – even after the battle was over. Nothing made a girl miserable like the awkward silence, slowly spiraling out of control, after the words 'I love you.'
Thus, she could not – would not – act like a lovesick puppy toward Sesshoumaru. Of course, she had already made a fool of herself once today… sort of. But that was a one-time deal! She had simply been a little bit overwhelmed by the idea of who was kissing her, and the fact that it was her first kiss, and the way it had made her feel. The next time, she would do better.
Not that there will necessarily be a 'next time', Kagome reminded herself firmly, for what seemed like the hundredth time. Hoping for another kiss, or even thinking about it, would only lead to disappointment. She had to assume the worst - that Sesshoumaru had only been doing her a favor – otherwise she would set herself up for exactly the same kind of frustration and failure that her aborted relationship with Inuyasha had caused.
Without even noticing it, she had retraced her steps from the night before, and she was facing the same silent hallway that housed Sesshoumaru's room. Lanterns lit the corridor tonight, but the deadly quiet surroundings still seemed a little bit eerie. No matter where she went in this castle, the inhabitants stayed out of her way, using their superior senses to vanish without a trace, long before she arrived on the scene. Except for her friends, Sesshoumaru, his mother, and Sora, the building might have seemed deserted.
Sometimes though, she sensed tiny hairs on the back of her neck rising, as if she was being watched. It felt that way now. Kagome turned and looked over her shoulder at the hallway behind her. But it remained empty, without even a whisper of sound to betray any observers.
She shook her head. The pressure was getting to her. The only person whose reaction she might conceivably have to fear was Sesshoumaru's mother – the Lady of the Western Lands might balk at the idea of a priestess having tea with her son. Twice in a row. Only one instance of which had been compelled by the lady in question.
But if this scenario did not bother Sesshoumaru, then it should not bother her. The young lord had invited her personally. And his opinion counted more than his mother's did.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
When she slid the shoji screen back, she was not prepared for what she saw. It was a simple difference, but the Sesshoumaru that waited for her was not wearing any armor or an elaborate sash, tied around his waist. In fact, he didn't even have his swords with him. The sight struck her as odd, immediately.
Of course, it was probably far more odd to think that he would wear such accoutrements all the time. Come to think of it, he had been wearing his armor inside this room last night – so he must have been preparing to leave, when she first arrived. Still, she was so accustomed to seeing the taiyoukai battle-ready and prepared to depart, that she had never given a thought to what he might look like without his weapons and defenses. It was weird.
"G-good evening," greeted Kagome nervously.
He merely nodded at her, seeming more relaxed now than he had earlier in the day. Recalling her resolution to not behave spineless around him, she mustered up her courage and stepped inside, closing the screen door behind her. An inviting cushion sat next to the tray in the center of the room, across from the dog-demon.
"As promised," the taiyoukai gestured at the low table, with a slight twitch to one corner of his mouth, making him look almost amused.
Kagome blinked, then took her place, discreetly scrutinizing his face for the expression she thought she had just seen there. But any hint of emotion had been thoroughly hidden away, by the time she sat down. Hoping to bring it back, she smiled and replied, "I trust it was not too much trouble to procure plain tea, this time."
"Fine roasted leaves," he replied calmly, and the quirk returned to the sides of his mouth, "Perfect for evening." If Kagome had been pressed to define how he sounded, she would have said that he sounded happy.
Simultaneously surprised and entranced by his serene disposition, she wondered how he could stay so disarmingly composed and tranquil, while she had trouble focusing on anything other than the fact that she had kissed him, earlier in the day. It wasn't fair. If anything, he should have been more ruffled than she was, since he was the one going against the norm by kissing a human. Well, 'normal' for Sesshoumaru, at least.
Once the cups were poured, and she had a few moments to orient herself to the room, Kagome cast out her net, searching for a suitable topic. "So, what do you want to talk about?" she inquired, then grimaced –the same question she had asked last night! Clearly, she was too nervous to be a good conversationalist.
Sesshoumaru either did not care or did not notice that her opening comment was nearly identical to last night. He merely gave her a speculative look. "Whatever you wish," he replied easily. "There are protections around the room for eavesdroppers, this time."
Sure enough, she focused outward and noticed youki blanketing the walls of the room. At first, she had not perceived it, since his aura was usually so intense that she took it for granted. Of course, she should feel as though she was smothered and surrounded in demonic-energy, whenever she stood near Sesshoumaru! But now that he mentioned it, she could tell the difference in the walls of the room. "Oh! I see. What does that do?"
"It prevents listeners from using magical devices or means to overhear us," he answered simply. "Although not from using their own ears."
She nodded, taking this as the warning it was meant to be. She could tell him anything, as long as she didn't do it too loudly. As for people in the hallway, or adjacent rooms, he would sense them long before they arrived. With a tiny smile, she relaxed somewhat.
It was rather considerate of him to go to so much effort, just so that she could speak freely, without fear of repercussions. Of course, that benefit went both ways. He surely did not want to have to explain his conversations with a miko, to the rest of the palace.
On the other hand, this news disappointed her slightly. It seemed her earlier estimate was correct – the only subjects she would need to discuss in private concerned her era. Perhaps he was only interested in her knowledge of the future, after all?
"Thanks," she remembered to add, shifting restlessly in her seat. "Would you like to hear about… er… my time period, then?"
When the taiyoukai did not contradict this, her heart sank slightly. Naturally, that was all he wanted to discuss; Sango had been right to warn her – she shouldn't give away too much information for free. She stared down into the watery brew in her cup.
Well, there were plenty of facts she could reveal that would not make any impact, one way or another, on the future. At the very least, she had disclosed these things to her companions, many times, and nothing bad had happened to the timeline. Casually, she started by telling him about her family, and the shrine at which she lived. Then, as she warmed up to her subject, she began to tell him tales about her grandfather. Nothing too embarrassing! Just some of the crazy stunts her old granddad had pulled over the years.
As the hour wore on, she discovered Sesshoumaru was a good listener. A very good listener. In fact, he would probably put a psychologist to shame – he remembered all the tiny details and particulars that you told him, yet he responded at all the right moments with bland follow-up comments that encouraged you to tell more. And to her private delight and joy, he never once seemed bored. Instead, he took note of everything she said, as if it was important. This, she discovered, was a nice change from Inuyasha's tendency to interrupt and ask about ramen or dinner or shard hunting or basically anything other than what Kagome wanted to talk about at any given moment.
After the stories about her family – which she would probably have continued all night, had he allowed it – he asked about a trickier subject. "You mentioned last night," Sesshoumaru noted, a ripple of unease breaking through his calm façade, "That you lacked formal training as a priestess, because there were no youkai in the future."
Kagome shook her head in agreement, trying to figure out exactly what his question might be. Did he want to know why there were no youkai? Or did he want to know how she knew? So, she answered both unspoken queries.
"That only means I have never detected them," she said hesitantly, checking what his reaction would be. If someone had appeared at the Higurashi shrine and informed her that in 2500 AD there would be no humans left on earth, only intelligent rabbits, it would have upset her. A lot! She could only imagine what he might think, hearing such an assertion.
"I did fight a few youkai in the future," Kagome added, "A possessed Noh mask and some possessed vegetables, I think. Oh! And there are ghosts! Maybe I just don't discern things well in the future, because there are so many people, and it clogs up my senses."
"Many people?" he asked doubtfully.
Her smile became strained. No, he would not like this news either. And there was no way to soften the blow, downplaying the significance of a drastic increase in world population. "Yes, there are tons of people – humans, I mean – in my time. Imagine a blanket of people shoulder to shoulder as far as the eye can see, and that is close to the population of my home-town."
Sesshoumaru winced. Visibly. She almost felt sorry for him, too. Except in the end, she knew that population-size mattered less than how living creatures interacted with one another. Although sheer numbers could be good for some things, as the Chinese had proven, time and time again…
"It's not so bad," Kagome interjected. "Humans get along much better – there hasn't been a war in Japan in fifty years or so." Then, she trailed off, realizing how ridiculous it sounded. Japan had undergone peaceful periods in the past, too; peaceful eras that lasted for hundreds of years! She could not be proud of her own time-period, for that alone.
But her race had done some very impressive things – like flying to the moon, and inventing computers and … Explaining all of that might take more time than she had to spare tonight. Biting her lip, she tried to think of something positive to tell him, that a dog-demon would respect and understand.
"And the books you read," Sesshoumaru continued, as though she had not just thrown his world into disarray, "Education and private tutors are normal, in your time?"
"Oh! Yes, that's true, sort of," she smiled, back on stable territory, now that she could discuss schoolwork. A short explanation of the Japanese middle-school system followed.
Then, a confession – her sailor uniform really was standard garb for schoolgirls. He seemed vaguely pleased by this, and she narrowed her eyes at him, wondering if all males thought alike, or whether she had been mistaken in seeing a flash of Miroku-like tendencies in her companion. However, a moment later, the expression faded, and he was as unreadable as ever.
The tea ran out, and Kagome realized she had been talking, pretty much non-stop, for over an hour. The sun had long since set, and much of her earlier nervousness had burned away, just like the shimmering orb was gradually swallowed by the horizon. "My turn!" she crowed, at last, finding her courage. "What about your family?"
The taiyoukai raised one brow, plainly wondering if she had lost her mind. "Hn," he snorted softly, "You have met my mother."
"Well, yes, but…" she quibbled, hoping for more, "I told you all kinds of stories about my grandfather…"
"And they were amusing," responded Sesshoumaru, unperturbed.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she pouted. This was not going as planned. She had given him all kinds of information about her family, and the future in general, but he was not sharing anything in return! Okay, okay. Perhaps the facts she had told him about her era were not all that useful, in the long run. Still, he should share something.
"All right then." Deciding on an issue was not easy, but eventually she resolved to pursue a different topic. A question that Sesshoumaru might answer, on a subject that she desperately wanted to know more about.
Of course, what she truly desired to know was why he had kissed her. But when she opened her mouth to ask this, her voice stalled on the words. After a minute, what came out instead was: "Why did you… agree to train Inuyasha?"
The protracted silence after her words made her think he might not respond. But finally, his deep voice cut across her thoughts. "Was it not as you requested, Kagome?"
"What?" she squeaked. And then, her mind echoed back – what? When had she requested such a thing? Wide-eyed, she gazed back at him in shock.
And furthermore, he had used her name again. It was unnerving, after so many months of being nothing but 'priestess' or 'woman' in his vocabulary. This was the second time he had referred to her with such familiarity. A treacherous blush crept up the back of her neck, at the thought of the circumstances when he had first said her name.
Slowly, as though the words emerged under pain of death, protesting their fate all the way out of his mouth, Sesshoumaru grudgingly admitted when the idea had first come to him. "After your companions faced the hanyou army," he acknowledged, "You grieved that I would 'no longer train Inuyasha' to overcome his darker side."
The blush that began at the base of her neck now crawled all the way across her cheeks. She remembered that incident. Caught in one of Naraku's evil schemes, the half-demons had been slaughtered by Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru – and it had been partially her fault. If she had not removed the shard of the Shikon no Tama from the leader of the army, then Naraku's spell would never have activated, and the half-demons would not have lost their sanity, and her companions would not have needed to kill them. It was a convoluted scheme, like most of their arch-enemy's plans, but it had been ruthlessly effective.
And when all was said and done, she had cried for the loss of so many innocent lives. Into Sesshoumaru's sleeve. Gah! The embarrassment might never leave her.
Then, her forehead creased as she recalled the occasion. Had she said something about training hanyou? If so, she could not recollect that part. Moreover, that incident had happened months and months ago, before winter. Had he truly decided to train Inuyasha so long ago?
As if replying to her mental question, he continued. "At that time, I had not considered training him," he said. "But your presumption that I should was noted. And after observing how easily Sounga overcame Inuyasha's rational side in later battles, drawing forth his demon-blood, I resolved that you were correct."
A warm feeling of happiness and pride welled up inside her chest. Because of her! She had actually affected the relationship between Inuyasha and his brother in a positive way. For a long time, this had been one of her goals, and unknowingly, she had achieved a part of it.
"Thank you," she said sincerely, a smile spreading across her face. "Thank you."
He seemed slightly pleased, yet uncomfortable with gratitude. Glancing away, she picked at the sleeves of her kimono, until she could feel his eyes upon her once again. She could tell, without even glancing up, that he was looking at her, because the tiny hairs on her arms tingled and goosebumps broke out over her arms.
The tea was finished. The sun had long since set. She had talked about every subject she could think of, without being boring or betraying too much about her time-period. It was now or never. If she wanted to ask the million-dollar question, then she would have to get it over with soon. Besides, he had just admitted to her that he took her opinion into account, on certain occasions. Perhaps that meant he would not be too irritated, if she asked.
"So," Kagome urged herself on, "I was wondering… Earlier today, why did you… I mean, I hope it was not too annoying, for me to ask something so unusual of you?"
It wasn't the best way she could have phrased her question, but it did the trick. Digesting this slowly, the dog-demon paused, then even more languidly, unfolded his legs, shifting toward her. The claws on his right hand brushed the inner collar of her kimono, before she could move. Her muscles clenched into stone, and she froze in place, staring at the hand that had touched her.
"This kimono," he intoned gently, seeming not to notice her sudden stillness, "Did you purchase this in your era, as well?"
She blinked. It seemed like her brain had stalled over the simplest of words. Running his statement through her mind a second time, she searched for the meaning behind it, and finally recognized that he referred to the white and peach colored silk that she had bought in the future.
"Yes," Kagome agreed, a bit too breathlessly for her taste. What was wrong with her? "From a resale-store. But after you saw it, I… um… didn't wear it anymore."
This was the understatement of the century. She had nearly fled in terror, after Sesshoumaru's angry reaction toward her kimono. Perhaps now, after so many months, he would admit what she had done that offended him so much?
He did not. Smoothing the silk beneath his fingers, the taiyoukai merely nodded in affirmation. "You may wear it," he announced, "There is no need to hide it beneath another layer."
Guessing this was as close to an apology as she would ever receive on the subject, Kagome smiled tentatively. "All right."
But his claws did not leave her shoulder, instead, continuing to stroke the fabric there. A rainbow of butterflies took hold of her stomach and settled there, refusing to leave her alone, and she could not seem to figure out what to do with her hands. A warm glow had infused his eyes, and she gazed back, flustered.
Maybe he was waiting for her to kiss him again? That could be it. After all, he had waited for her to ask the last time. Or maybe she was simply obsessed with making out with him, because she had contemplated it entirely too often, and she must put the idea out of her mind. At once.
He leaned forward, and she started to move back, but then forced herself to stay still. "Sesshoumaru," she murmured, "What are you…"
Capturing her chin between his forefinger and claws, he nipped at the side of her mouth. Well, she thought rather giddily, that answers my question, at least.
She met him halfway, feeling wanton and pathetic all at once, yet not overly concerned by the idea that a demon had just expressed his desire for her, a priestess, the second time in one day. After waiting and waiting for Inuyasha to show her affection, almost the entire time she had known him, it made her feel very feminine that someone else appreciated her charms, even if the half-demon did not. Suddenly, Kagome, who had always considered herself only passably pretty, felt ladylike and attractive.
When she pulled back to breathe, he snagged the tie on the front of her kimono, dragging her forward, and she put out her hands to steady herself. She ended up with her palms against his shoulders, half-sprawled across his lap, surprise etched onto her face. He traced the outline of her cheek, sending tiny sparks up her spine, waiting for her to relax against his chest, stabilizing herself over his legs, by using her knees for balance.
The next time, she kissed him. Because, after all, he looked quite kissable in the twilight shade that surrounded him, making his hair appear even more silvery than usual. Twining her fingers into his hair, she snuggled closer, and endeavored to steal his oxygen. Sesshoumaru exhaled sharply, almost a soundless bark, then pulled her closer, his arm wrapping around her waist.
It wasn't until her obi was feeling loose, her knees had completely given up their support, and her hair was decidedly rumpled, that she stopped to think about what she was doing. Society's perception, Miroku whispered into her mind, Not the way they were treated.
And suddenly, she understood that 'society' included Sesshoumaru, and what he would think of her for acting like this, not only his mother, her friends, or - heaven forbid! - her mother. "Sesshoumaru," she mouthed into his hair, "Er… Perhaps we should stop."
Skillfully ignoring her, his claws trailed a pathway up her side and across her back, leaving little traces of fire in their wake. But Kagome struggled away from him, landing ungracefully on the hardwood floor. Sesshoumaru looked down at her, irises smoldering dark gold, and not entirely focused.
And for once, he appeared open and accessible, instead of controlled or distant. She realized with no small amount of shock that she had some semblance of power over him. She - Kagome - had made him look like that, all frayed around the edges and fuzzy-headed. Much like she herself was feeling, at the moment, in fact.
As she moved to sit up, he urged her downward again, the weight of his torso pressing her gently into the ground, and suddenly, it was not so amusing anymore. "No, really," she pushed at his shoulders, "I want to stop."
For a frightening second, it seemed as though he would ignore her, but then, the taiyoukai rolled away from her, shoulders tight and his brow furrowed in either confusion or displeasure – she could not tell which one. Insanely, Kagome felt suddenly guilty for denying him. How often would someone like Sesshoumaru spend his attention on a human girl, like herself?
Then, angry for forgetting her own resolutions so quickly, she shook her head. This had nothing to do with him – it was her decision to make. And yet, she still found herself apologizing to him, when he stood up and did not offer to help her off the floor.
"I'm sorry," she said dimly, "It's not that I don't want to spend more time with you, it is simply… this morning was my first kiss, and everything moved so fast."
His gaze landed on her, as if judging her sincerity, and eventually relented. "Perhaps another time, then," the taiyoukai agreed, and Kagome swore she could see a mischievous grin lurking behind his usually placid expression. Her cheeks warmed once more, and she found herself irrationally pleased that he had not been upset by her pulling away from him.
Bidding the taiyoukai good night, she fled – in her mind, she envisioned it as a gracious withdrawal, rather than a full-blown retreat – into the hallway. Sesshoumaru watched her leave, leaning on the hard edge of the shoji screen leading into the corridor. She tried not to feel self-conscious, but it was difficult with the way his eyes burned into her back as she walked away.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Maybe Sango and Miroku could advise her, since they knew half of the story already.
She had wanted to know the state of his heart, before revealing her own, and now she had her answer. But, she was not sure what to do. So far, all two of her relationships with men had failed dismally – Hojo and Inuyasha each falling short in different ways. And she knew inherent problems existed in any association with Sesshoumaru, too. But that did not stop her heart from hoping.
A lock of hair flopped in front of her face, and she ran her fingers through the disheveled mess atop her head. For only a few minutes of kissing, a certain taiyoukai had managed to thoroughly ruffle her hair, running his fingers through it. Her eyes glazed over slightly at the memory.
As if responding to her vacant expression, a soft giggle sounded at her side, and Kagome whirled to face the noise, nearly scared out of her wits. A young dog-demon crouched not too far away from her, in a side-corridor. Judging by the plain kimono and sash, this was a servant.
It was the first time she had seen one of the castle servants – always conspicuously absent from her vicinity, because she was a priestess and she might be able to purify them. Not that she would do such a thing, but the others had no way of knowing that, she supposed. Wide-eyed, Kagome stared at the newcomer.
The youngster dropped her eyes immediately, focusing on the polished floorboards, instead of the priestess lingering in front of her. Confused, Kagome saw no malice in the girl, but at the same time, she had no idea why someone would be randomly standing there, waiting for her.
Because the youkai made no move to approach or speak, Kagome hesitantly slid past the girl, creeping down the hallway. But before she had traveled more than ten meters, another set of eyes began tracking her slow progress through the castle. And then another. And another…
She heard a hushed whisper from behind, then caught an encouraging smile from one of the older female servants, as she wandered down the main corridor. Suddenly, it seemed like there had not been so many connecting hallways on this route, earlier in the evening. Where had they come from and why choose now to reveal themselves to her? She had felt some of these auras for days, hovering in the back of her mind and prickling at her senses. And until now, she and her friends had been left alone, like they had the plague.
Glancing down, she took in her rather rumpled appearance. The knot in her sash was loose, and the outer layer of her kimono had started to slide off her shoulders, leaving a spacious gap at the top of her outfit. Nothing untoward was showing, but overall, she looked like someone who had just emerged from battle, minus the blood and gore.
With an indignant squeak, Kagome crossed her arms over her chest, pulling the collar of her outermost layer up to her neck. This was terrible! Absolutely nothing had happened between herself and Sesshoumaru, but he had politely screened the room from eavesdroppers, so technically, no one else had a clue what they had been doing either.
And clearly, what everyone else thought happened was completely wrong, wrong, wrong. She felt like strangling Miroku. Obviously, this was his fault. He had given her sound advice, but then he had not convinced her to follow it. Society's perceptions, indeed.
"Nothing happened!" she shouted at no one in particular, feeling mortified and foolish.
At the back of her mind, a treacherous suggestion from her subconscious told her that she had been cheated. If others were going paint her to be a whore, then at least she could have actually slept with Sesshoumaru… There was no point in loosing one's reputation for no reason, right?
Luckily, a voice broke through her thoughts, interrupting that chain of logic before it progressed too far. "Is everything all right?"
At last! A familiar face! Sora lounged against one of the walls, ahead of her, looking far too composed and peaceful for her liking.
"I didn't sleep with him!" Kagome whispered intently.
Inuyasha's part-time instructor said nothing, merely smiled at her absently. Clearly, he could not understand her misfortune.
She clutched at the corners of her collar, wondering how she could return to her room with this unkempt appearance. Sango would immediately ask questions, and Kagome would wither up and die from embarrassment. And why hadn't she thought of this sooner?
Yes, she wanted to discuss the situation with her best friend. But she hoped to do so, in her own time. She did not want Sango making unwarranted assumptions. Opinions like the castle servants had apparently formed.
Faced with no other options, she inched forward slowly. "I don't suppose," Kagome begged Sora sweetly, "That you could fix the back of the obi and make me look presentable again…"
A furry ear twitched on top of his head, and his smile grew strained. "Of course, my lady," said the brown-haired youkai, attempting to distance himself from her through polite language, but not entirely succeeding due to the absurdity of the situation. "Turn around, if you would please."
As he tugged at the back of her kimono, a highly paranoid Kagome peered down the hallway, trying to see if there were any other youkai hiding there. When she saw they were alone, she sighed in relief. She wasn't as comfortable around Sora as the members of her group, but if he trained all the new recruits and warriors at the castle, then he probably held more sway here than an average servant. So, perhaps he could put in a good word for her, and then Sesshoumaru's mother wouldn't hear through the grapevine about her son sleeping with a human, and the Lady of the West would not decide to come and chop her up into itty-bitty pieces.
"We were just talking," she declared firmly, twisting around to look over her shoulder at her assistant. "Over a cup of tea."
Sora calmly pushed her shoulders back into alignment, his expression carefully neutral. "Of course, my lady."
As he finished arranging her outfit, the half-wind youkai stepped back, keeping well away from her form. But before she could voice any other protestations or explanations, he stumped her with one simple word. "Why?" he asked.
Kagome sputtered. "Why what?"
A slight frown marred his otherwise peaceful gaze, tightening the corners of his mouth. One ear drifted to the side, as though he was partially focused on someone or something farther down the passageway. But soon, his focus returned to her fully.
"You feel uncomfortable around Lord Sesshoumaru for some reason?" he continued, far more softly than a moment ago. "Because of his arm, perhaps?"
And despite his calm façade, she could tell the idea displeased him, even angered him.
Kagome gawked. Good heavens! She had managed to offend the only demon in the palace that treated her group in a kindly fashion, by not sleeping with Sesshoumaru? That was completely backwards. Intuition told her that the palace-youkai should be upset by the opposite result.
Of course, she had based her opinion of what these youkai would say or think, all along, on her admittedly sparse knowledge of Sesshoumaru himself. "No, no. That's not it," she waved her hands in denial, "I forgave him for that, a long time ago!"
Consternation overtook his features. Like a dog chewing on a particularly stubborn bone, Sora pursued the issue. "You forgave him," he inquired slowly, "For defeating the Inu-no-Taisho's only undefeated enemy?"
Now, Kagome was the one who felt lost and confused. Either Sora was misinformed, or they were speaking on entirely different subjects. Before she could open her mouth to explain, however, quiet footsteps padded in their direction, and she turned to see Sesshoumaru approaching.
"That will be all, Sora," the taiyoukai interrupted them. But instead of looking at the one he had dismissed so rudely, Sesshoumaru kept his eyes on her, gauging her reaction.
She might never have understood what she missed, if not for that. If not for the way he watched her, with a hairline fracture in his composure, a trace of nervousness in his gaze. The white-haired inuyoukai had followed her here, and listened to their conversation, but he had only interrupted her when…
Sora bowed, cordially.
Kagome exploded.
"You told them," she gasped, "That you lost your arm fighting Ryukossei?!"
Unwilling to believe it, but unable to find any other explanation to fill in the gaps, she stared at him, waiting for Sesshoumaru to contradict her. But he did not. Instead, when he opened his mouth, no words came out.
"I thought you had offered to teach Inuyasha, in spite of your differences," she said, trying to define why she felt so horrified and betrayed. "Instead, you want to steal his accomplishments? I don't understand, Sesshoumaru."
Frozen into his bow, the half-wind demon's ears flattened unhappily against his skull. And Kagome could sympathize with Sora, she really could. Because it felt like her heart had just been ripped out.