Chapter twenty-five

"From what you've been telling me I'm not surprised you had an anxiety attack." Dr. Flynn is tapping his high-end ball-point pen against the legal pad in his lap.

"While there is no guarantee you won't have another, the fact that you haven't experienced one since and that you are now aware that it wasn't life-threatening, decreases the risk significantly."

Christian nods curtly. Apparently he's been holding his breath for the past months of happiness, unconsciously waiting for the backlash. When he finally relaxed, his mind decided to create it's own catastrophy. It sounds insane to Christian – he has been in perfect control of body and mind all his adult life. Well, except when it comes to Anastasia. Obviously.

He feels back on track now, though. Even his mother's daily probing phone calls to inquire about his mental health are only slightly annoying. He seems to have endless patience at the moment. That's probably due to the fact that he left the hospital on his own accord, as healthy as ever, knowing that his sister was on her way to Seattle with her kids, Ana wants to be with him and he seemingly has her daughter's blessing. Life is quite good at the moment.

"Christian, you have been suppressing your demons all your life, until now. You've managed to somehow overcome the fear of becoming a father; a commitment far more definite than marriage - "

"Not for me." Christian interrupts Flynn, who smiles and nods.

"I know that. What I mean is that you've finally come to consider yourself worthy of being loved and being a parent. I don't expect you to see it the same way, but from my point of view the break from Anastasia was probably a good thing. Considering how things have worked out, of course."

Flynn sounds almost apologetic. But Christian knows he's right and nods again, glancing quickly at his wrist watch.

"Time's up. Thank you again for fitting me in so quickly."

"Anytime, Christian. You know that." Flynn says warmly. "And I am positive you have nothing to worry about. I would still like to see you a few times just to follow up."

"Sure, sure." Christian is anxious to get going. He hasn't seen Anastasia for days, catching up with work day and night. He hasn't told Ana or Flynn about the night work, positive they wouldn't approve. But it has never been work that stresses him out.

…. …. ….

Leaving Dr. Flynn's office, Christian gets into his car and heads straight for his parents' house in Bellevue. Everyone is already there – the entire family is gathered for a dinner to quietly celebrate his sister's arrival in Seattle and his own health.

Despite knowing that they're all waiting for him he's taking his time, driving leisurely. The radio is tuned into a classical station and his mind is completely relaxed – he can't remember when he last just took the time to feel relaxed. Maybe on his boat – but that's been ages. Work rarely stresses him – on the contrary, his mind lights up when challenged with difficult or "impossible" situations. He thrives on challenge.

Christian's personal life is a different thing altogether – at least since he decided to loosen his control over it and let Anastasia in. He'd thought that that's what he did last time they were together, that he had given her complete access and put his trust in her completely. As it turns out it was just the beginning.

Flynn's right. Now is when his real life starts. Now is when he finally feels he deserves the things he always wanted but wouldn't let himself have – the love of his life, children. Other people depending not on his management skills, but his ability to love and respect them, to protect but not control them.

And he's looking forward to it. He wants to learn new things about himself. Who he is a father, a husband, a son-in-law. All new roles.

The ring in the inside pocket of his jacket feels almost hot against his chest. Somewhere deep inside he must be a sucker for romance, because it feels good that the box is close to his heart. Smiling to himself, he realizes that he doesn't give a shit how cheesy that is.

There is still one obstacle to overcome. He needs to figure out how and when to ask Ana to marry him. His usually creative mind has come up with nothing. He wants the place to be special, to mean something for the two of them, but so many places in their history are tainted with bad experiences. He could just do it in their new house of course, but it seems kind of unimaginative.

And then there's Ray, who is going to attend tonight's family dinner. Grace and Carrick decided to invite him since Christian and Ana are serious again; he belongs to the family now. The thing is that Christian still hasn't seen him. So many things have been going on the past few months, he and Ana never made it to Portland together. It feels wrong to see Ray at the same time as his parents, but there's nothing Christian can do about it now.

He wants to ask Ray permission to marry Ana. At least in theory – if Ray says no he doubts that will stop him. This is a ridiculous, outdated and point-less gesture, but somehow it feels important. Christian has immense respect for Ray and wants to show it somehow. Although he's unsure the man will appreciate it. Maybe he will laugh in Christian's face.

Anyhow, the two of them have arranged to go out for a beer tomorrow evening, to catch up as Christian had put it. Ray had seemed reasonably uncomfortable, but rarely said no to a beer. At least they had used to get a long quite easily. Ray wasn't a difficult man, as long as you didn't mind long silences occasionally. Ana had that in common with her father, and Christian had gotten used to those contemplative moments a long time ago.

…. …. ….

Grace and Carrick are cheerily carrying the conversation during dinner, trying hard to ignore the subdued atmosphere. No one around the massive family table can help steal worried glances at Mia and her kids. Except maybe Ray, who is eating heartily while chatting away with Sara. Christian's never seen him this talkative – it must be Sara's influence.

Mia looks haunted; she's thinner than he's ever seen her and pale, despite the unforgiving Australian sun. Her brown eyes are constantly glistening, close to tears. It's a good thing her husband is in Sydney, incarcerated and protected by police, because Christian has an overwhelming urge to kill him.

But the rage he feels against Craig is overshadowed by empathy for his beloved sister. He knows her heart is broken. She loves her husband still and he's betrayed her. The life she and their children have known is gone. It's seems incredibly stupid of his parents to organize this huge dinner to celebrate. Even if they are all relieved that Mia is finally here, she's in mourning.

When the plates from the main course are being cleared, Christian whispers in Ana's ear and they both excuse themselves. Ana rounds the table to get to Mia, takes her hand and leads her out of the room. Meanwhile, Christian claps his hands and announces a Super Mario tournament for all kids, causing a quite a commotion as all under-age members of the family, and Elliot, can't leave the dining-room soon enough.

"Christian, we are not finished! Dessert is …" his mother exclaims but quiets when Christian throws her a furious look. He doesn't get it; his mother is usually very sensitive to her kids' needs, but she seems completely oblivious to Mia's torment the past few hours. What's wrong with her? And his father?

As Christian is staring Grace down, her cheery mask falls off and he can see the hurt behind it. All his anger subsides and he walks over to the head of the table, leans over behind her and puts his arms around her shoulders.

"It will all be fine, mom," he says softly. "We will all be okay."

Her shoulders slump and she sobs a little, squeezing his arm. "I'm so stupid, Christian. I was just so relieved that you are okay and that Mia and the kids are here, out of harm's way … Poor Mia …"

"I know, I know. Let's just give Mia some time – she's grieving, you know, and probably still in shock."

His mother nods, sobbing.

Christian looks around and finds Carrick standing in the door way, looking equally ashamed. At his son's silent summon he walks over to his wife, takes her hand and leads her out of the dining room, saying they should check on dessert.

Still sitting at the dining table are Kate and Ray. Kate is wearing a frown – there's no telling who she's upset with, but Christian couldn't care less. He feels bad for Ray though, having to put up with the Grey family drama on his first ever visit to Bellevue. He does look extremely uncomfortable, not even having a plate to concentrate on anymore.

Christian, having intended to join Mia and Ana, quickly changes his mind and offers to show Ray the grounds, even inviting Kate to tag along. She grumpily declines, but at least gives him a thankful half-smile. Ray on the other hand, readily accepts.

Rain is pouring down outside and Christian finds rubber boots and raincoats for them both. The walk is nice, conversation flows easily when Ray shows real interest for the boats and boat house. When they've covered the different features inside the building Christian offers Ray to sit down on the couch, opens the small fridge and gets two bottles of Heineken.

They clink their bottles and drink in silence. Christian is starting to relax, when Ray clears his throat, indicating his intention to say something.

"So … you and Ana." He looks expectantly at Christian, apparently thinking some kind of comment or explanation is in order. Christian waits a few seconds, hoping that Ray will elaborate but he doesn't.

"Yes …" he starts carefully. What does the man want from him? He's fucking impossible to read.

He clears his throat and decides to talk openly, despite the risk of embarrassing Ray.

"I feel incredibly lucky, having found Ana again. I want you to know that we are very serious about each other, Ray, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with your daughter and Sara."

His voice has a hint of challenge in it, which he instantly regrets. It wouldn't be wise to antagonize Ana's father, his father-in-law to be hopefully, but he can't help feeling questioned.

"I know that. You two were always serious about each other. And I think you're alright enough. I know you'll take care of them."

Wow, big praise, coming from Ray. Christian doesn't know what to say. But Ray isn't finished.

"I'm getting older. Less energy than before, you know. So knowing that Ana and Sara are being taken care of is good, I was kind of worried for a while there. But I gotta say … " Ray's voice trails off and he makes a gesture towards Christian.

"What is it Ray?" Christian's voice is quiet; he's deeply touched by the man's big words, but doesn't want to embarrass him by some, to Ray at least, unmanly display of emotion.

"Well, I think you should marry the girl, s'all," Ray gruffs. "Make it official."

Relieved, Christian laughs quietly, making Ray frown.

Raising both his hands in defense, Christian goes serious again. "Oh, I fully intend to do that, sir, if she'll have me."

"She'll have you alright. And lay off the sir."

…. …. ….

Ana and Mia are curled up in the respective corners of a huge, extremely comfortable and expensive-looking sofa. The heavy rain is pattering on the french windows and Ana can't help but think how appropriate the Seattle weather feels today. She's always found that feeling down is so much better in rainy weather – like it's allowed. Being down on one of the rare sunny days in the state of Washington is definitely frowned upon.

After a few uncomfortable minutes, both Mia and Ana had relaxed and Mia was now talking quietly, going through the past month from beginning to end. Ana listened, rarely interrupting with questions.

Mia wasn't crying while she was talking; maybe she had no tears left at this point. Her feeling of betrayal was deep, for herself and for her children. It was hard for them to understand what their dad had done wrong and why – to which Mia had no answers. To the kids, their father had been flawless, and now he was a crook? Mia felt the foundation on which their childhood was built was crumbling and she didn't know what to do. They felt both betrayed and ashamed. On top of that, few friends of Mia's and the kids had been in touch since the news broke and she felt abandoned.

"Mia, you are all going through hell, but the kids will be ok. They have you and you all have us. We're not going anywhere. And I think it's okay that you can't explain everything to the kids, to say that you don't know. And try as much as possible to separate who Craig is as their father and his actions. They have to be allowed to love him still, and he them. "

Ana leans forward and reaches for Mia's hand. "And you're also allowed to love him still, Mia. Even if you hate him right now." She says it quietly, not sure it's the right thing to say, while squeezing her hand.

"I don't know if I can love him, right now I just want nothing to do with him. I mean, he's always been careless with money, overly confident. But I still trusted him to put his family first, to never do anything to hurt us. So he's not the person I thought he was."

Mia's eyes are still dry, but she looks exhausted and even talking seems to be an effort.

"Mia, why don't you lie down for a bit? Get some rest. I'll keep you company if you want," Ana coaxes her softly.

"Okay." Her voice is weak and grateful. "If I fall asleep you don't have to stay. It's just nice to not be alone while I'm conscious."

Mia lies down and Ana gets a thick blanket from one of the armchairs by the fireplace and spreads it over Christian's sister. She even leans over and gives Mia a kiss on the cheek.

"For what it's worth I've missed you, Mia. I wish it was under happier circumstances, but I'm still glad to see you."

"Oh Ana, me too. And I know you can't tell from the state of me, but I am overjoyed that you and Christian are back together. It means I have you back as well." She gives Ana a tired but sincere smile. "It was about bloody time too," she adds, suddenly with a tint of an Australian accent.

Chuckling, Ana gently taps Mia on the head before telling her to get some rest, then goes to sit in front of the fire-place, grabbing an antiques-magazine. She's tired too and this is quite nice. The house seems quiet – she can't hear the kids from here. She was expecting Christian to join her and Mia, but they probably did better just the two of them anyway.

Curling up in the arm-chair, she closes her eyes for just a moment, just to enjoy the rain tapping on the windows. Within minutes, she's asleep.

… … …

"Anastasia. Baby." Christian's gentle voice coaxes her back to consciousness and she opens her eyes slowly.

His smiling face is just in front of hers and he looks breath-taking, his copper hair wet and gray eyes shining. He smells of Christian and fresh air. Ana's chest tightens just from the look of him and she pulls herself up and throws her arms around his neck, almost knocking him off balance.

"Hey," he laughs softly. "What's up?"

"I love you," Ana breathes. "I've missed you."

Christian pulls back and cups her face with both of his hands. His intense gaze surprises her and then his mouth is on hers, hard and hot, a stark contrast to his cool face. She curls her fingers into his rain-moist hair. The need for him flares up instantly and slight whimper escapes her, when he nibbles her lip.

Christian reluctantly pulls back, smile crooked, and glances over her shoulder at the sleeping Mia.

"Easy there," he chuckles.

Ana flushes, ashamed that she's forgotten about Mia. She's barely dared to touch Christian during the past weeks, constantly afraid that he would have a relapse if she got his heart rate going. But his constant reassurances that he's perfectly fine are starting to wear her down. Especially since every fiber in her body misses him.

"Would you mind a walk in the rain with me?" Christian asks quietly, so as to not wake Mia.

"Didn't you just get in?" She plays with the damp curls surrounding his face. Christian's beautiful hair always reacts this way to rain – he hates it, she adores it.

"Yes I did. I took a walk with Ray, who by the way left for your house already. He took Sara. I think he figured you and I could use a moment to ourselves."

Ana blinks in surprise. How long did she sleep for?

"Kate …?"

"They're still here. So, a walk, just you and me?" Christian's trails light kisses on her cheeks and forehead, making her long to be alone with him.

"If you put it like that, then yes."

…. …. ….

A/N

I know many of you thought I had abandoned you – I am sorry for the delay. I've changed jobs and have just been plain exhausted.

For all of you who haven't given up on me and read this chapter – thank you for sticking around!

We are however getting close to the end. But a few things need to happen first, right?

A few guest reviewers have begged me not to abandon the story – I wish I could've pm:ed you guys to reassure you a chapter was in the works.'

Again, sorry I kept you waiting.