The cave was darker than she had anticipated - Meetra ignited her lightsaber, using the glowing blade as a makeshift torchlight. Her lightsaber's bluish-green hue reflected off the cave's damp walls - it was strangely calming as Meetra pressed forward, walking deeper into the dark. Aside from the dull hum of her blade and the occasional splash of her foot falling in a puddle, the cave was still.
As she walked, Meetra noticed the beginnings of purple waves of electricity moving silently along the ground. Feeling they must have something to do with the draw to the cave, she followed the neon trail - the currents became thicker and stronger as she moved closer to their source. Finally, Meetra stopped at a small door carved into the rock covered by the current.
The threshold bore carvings similar to the ones on the walls of the Academy - a dark energy pulsed from the room. Taking a deep breath, Meetra walked toward the door, extended her hand and pushed the door open. She knew there would be no going back - she would have to face whatever horrors lurked beyond the door.
As she stepped through the threshold, she could see a figure of a man standing a few paces away. Unlike the rest of the cave, this room was well-lit by torches so her eyes took a moment to adjust. After a few moments, the figure's identity was revealed. An old friend. Alek.
Alek was tall and handsome, exactly as Meetra liked to remember him - the way he had been before he fell to the dark side. His dark hair was closely cropped in a buzz cut style. That was the way he'd had it cut when he and Revan first left for war - he'd shaved it all off not long afterwards. Despite the shadows of the cave and the structure of his face, his piercing blue eyes were just as dark and stormy as they always had been.
A wealth of muscles bulged from beneath his clothing. Alek had forgone the traditional flowing Jedi robes in favor of tight red clothing that displayed every inch of his impressive physique. As a teenager, Meetra had found his rebellion against the Jedi dress code impossibly attractive. Now, she found it distasteful and disrespectful. Although she was no longer attracted to him, she couldn't help but stare at the man she once loved. Her first love. As she stared into his eyes, Meetra's mind drifted to her past...
Alek never loved her. He was six years older than she - he'd always known she had feelings for him, but always shrugged her off. When Meetra followed he and Revan to war, Alek hadn't been quiet about his displeasure, however, that changed the moment he realized there were few women on the battlefront and many things he would have to go without. Although they'd always been friendly, Alek began to pay Meetra extra attention, even bordering on flirtatious.
Every time he came near, her heart soared - she believed he finally reciprocated her feelings of love and was willing to do anything for him. And she did exactly that.
It started out with a small favor - Alek asked her for a massage after battle which turned into him groping her bare body. As time passed, the requests grew more frequent and far larger. Before long, Meetra knew whenever Alek summoned her, she would be performing some sort of sexual favor. She hardly ever spoke to him anymore - he usually asked her to perform, then made up an excuse as to why she should leave, however, Meetra didn't mind and did so willingly, assuming this was what love was like.
One day, after returning from a particularly taxing battle, Meetra received a message from Alek the moment she stepped into her quarters - he wanted to see her. Although the message said he wanted to discuss the battle, she knew it was a lie. She wasn't in the mood to perform any sort of act for him - she was tired and her heart ached for the men she'd lost that day, but, since she was in love, she rushed to be by his side.
Foregoing any sort of greeting, Meetra engaged in the regular lewd acts that brought Alek pleasure before she stopped, having given him his fill. The two had been secretly meeting in his room for months - other than a few heated and extremely rough kisses the two shared, Meetra had never received any semblance of pleasure from him.
"Alek?"
"What is it?" he replied coolly.
"I love you," she said softly, her voice full of hope. Hope that he would finally say the words that hadn't passed his lips, but she believed were on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he stayed silent. Thinking he must be shy and waiting for the perfect moment to confess his love for her, she began speaking once more. "The battle was brutal. We lost a lot of good men today."
Still, silence.
He merely laid back on the bed, his pants still around his knees. "I was thinking," Meetra paused, crawling to be on the bed beside him. "Since I love you and you love me, maybe we could do what real couples do?" When he didn't immediately reply, she felt the need to explain herself. Perhaps he didn't understand. "I've heard it can be fun for both people, at least, that's what Rev told me. I've never tried it. I know you have, so maybe we could do it...together?" Although she tried to keep her voice even and steady, even she could hear the hope and excitement in her voice.
As she ran her fingers along his chiseled jaw, Alek turned his head, smiled and began to chuckle. Despite her confusion, she joined in. "You think I love you? he asked through laughter, silencing Meetra.
"Meetra, Meetra, Meetra," he shook his head as he rolled to stand, quickly pulling his pants up before sitting back on the bed. "This," he motioned to the space between them. "This is just a little pastime. A way to blow off steam. I thought you might enjoy it a little - getting in touch with your sexuality, getting to spend time with me," he paused, roughly running his hand along her body. He'd never been gentle, but this felt different - she flinched at his touch. "Meetra, I don't love you."
The statement made her eyes burn. Her attempts at holding back the tears were in vain as hot tears escaped her eyes. "You-you don't love me?" she asked, clearing her throat to disguise the hurt in her tone. "But I thought -"
"Like I said, this was just for fun," he interrupted, not understanding that with every word, he broke her heart just a little more. "Once this war is over, I'll need a real woman, not some war-crazed teenager. But let's not muddle things up. It's working out pretty well," he smiled before pressing his lips against hers, unceremoniously sliding his tongue deep into her mouth.
For the first time, Meetra didn't kiss back. Instead, she shoved him away, reeling from the sting of his words. "Is that all I am to you?" Before he could answer, the anger that had risen in her belly took over - she slapped him across the face. Hard. The look of shock that crossed his face and the deep crimson handprint that formed on his cheek provided a bit of comfort as she rolled off the bed and darted out of the room before he had a chance to react.
Several soldiers watched as she ran, tears streaming down her face, but graciously said nothing. That was the last time Meetra was ever in the same room as Alek. Occasionally, she spoke to him via holovid to discuss battle plans when absolutely necessary, but the two were less than cordial. As much as she hated to admit it, she'd received a bit of dark satisfaction when Revan mangled Alek's jaw.
Meetra's mind was forced back to the present when Alek began speaking. "The Council has been silent for too long against the Mandalorian threat. Your mothers, your fathers, your sisters, your brothers, your friends are all dying while you sit and stew within the confines of these walls. Join Revan and I. Use your skills to defend the defenseless. Heap glory upon your head. Join me."
A Jedi Meetra recognized as a young man named Crispin immediately stepped forward and stood behind Alek. Then another. And another. Soon, Meetra was standing alone.
"You stand alone. Will you not make the same decision to go to war? Will you hide behind the Council?" Beads of sweat began to form on Meetra's brow - she didn't know what to do. As she scanned the faces of the Jedi who stood with Alek, she studied their faces. Their expressions were blank and lifeless. Moving down the line, she noticed one that was out of place.
"Bastila?" Meetra narrowed her eyes at the petite brunette standing in line closest to Alek. "Bastila didn't go to war," she whispered, trying to make sense of what was happening. "Bastila tried to stop us. She begged us not to go," Meetra paused. "This isn't real."
Just as the words escaped her lips, Bastila lunged for her - Meetra swung her lightsaber in defense, slashing Bastila's abdomen. Instead of yelping in pain, Bastila flashed a wicked grin before dissolving to dust. Seconds later, all of the other Jedi began dissolving as well. All of them except for Alek - he drew his red lightsaber and rushed for her. Meetra had to dive out of the way to avoid his blade.
The two fought for several minutes - he'd always been strong, but he'd never been able to match her skill with a blade. Hoping to rain a killing blow on Meetra's head, Alek lifted his lightsaber above his head - she crouched and rolled to avoid the hammer-like swing. Moving quickly, she jumped to her feet and stabbed him in the back just as his lightsaber connected with the ground. Then, like the others, he dissolved into a pile of dust.
As she stared at the pile of dust at her feet, she ran her fingers through her hair in disbelief. She just killed the man she once loved. "It's not real," she reminded herself as she pushed forward, following the purple currents on the floor. "It's not real."
The currents led to yet another door - after taking a deep breath to regain her composure, Meetra stepped through the threshold.
An older woman greeted her. The woman's ragged grey and dirty blonde hair was pulled into a tight bun that tucked neatly beneath the br of her cap. She bore the uniform of a Republic officer. "It's up to you, General," she looked at Meetra. "We can stay here and wait for the Mandalorians to find us, or we can sneak into their calm tonight and slaughter them in their beds."
This moment had forever been seared into Meetra's memory. The Mandalorian camp on Dxun was just over 2 kilometers away. Their defenses were weak on their left flank. A then 19 year old Meetra had ordered the men in her company to move through the unexplored jungles and destroy their enemies as they slept. The plan seemed simple enough, but nothing was ever simple in war. In the dark of night, she lost the majority of her men to mines. The few who survived were captured by the Mandalorians. Weeks later, Meetra received a plasteel cylinder from an anonymous source - the horror of what was inside still haunted her.
It contained the eyes, toes, fingers and identification tags of the men who had been taken captive. Amazingly, she had remained strong and calloused on the presence of her subordinates, but the moment she stepped into the privacy of her quarters, she had vomited until the contents of her stomach laid before her.
She had made a mistake. A mistake for which people paid with their lives. As she lay on the floor just inches from her own spew, tears steaming down her face, Meetra swore she would never receive a shipment like that again. It was a turning point for Meetra. Instead of a naive girl, Meetra pushed herself off the ground and stood as a woman with a hardened heart. Revan had earned the nickname of "the butcher", but many believed that title truly belonged to Meetra. Her brutality toward the Mandalorians became legendary. She wanted to make them pay.
"General, I need an answer," the woman brought her back. Meetra hadn't noticed that she was clenching her fists so tightly, digging her nails into her palms, that she'd began to bleed. As she looked at the woman, she recognized her as Colonel Griggs.
"We'll go," Meetra answered. "But, let me go first. I'll disarm the landmines." In the past, Meetra had chosen to stay behind to wait for Revan's next order on her holovid, a decision she still regretted. She should've gone with them all those years ago. This was her opportunity to right the wrong.
Colonel Griggs nodded and grabbed her blaster. "Men, let's move out!" Hoards of men followed Meetra through the jungle as she slowly walked through the brush, being sure to diadem every mine. Once she was absolutely she the path was safe, she motioned to Griggs. The woman nodded in return before yelling to the men. "Attack!"
A rush of men in Republic uniforms ran past Meetra and to the Mandalorian tents before her. Despite having disarming the mines, the battle wasn't as easy as she would've hoped - the Mandalorians were waiting for her men. She watched as the battle raged - men on either side were struck down, dissolving into dust the instant they were hit. In the end, the Mandalorians were annihilated. Her men hooted and hollered in excitement - Griggs hugged Meetra who heartily returned the affections. Then, Meetra blinked her eyes.
The colonel was no longer in her arms. The men were gone. She was alone again.
Meetra longed to see the men once more. To see Griggs once more. Although Meetra outranked the woman, she'd been the closest thing she'd ever had to a mother - Griggs had always advised her to steer clear of Alek - advice she never followed. The colonel urged her to go for Revan, saying she saw something special in him, another piece of advice she ignored. Meetra missed Griggs more than she ever thought possible. What she would give for another shred of her motherly advice. Griggs had died in one of the mine explosions that fateful night.
Where the Mandalorian tents had been moments before now displayed yet another door covered by purple current. Although she was mentally exhausted, she stepped to it - she wasn't sure what was beyond the door, but knew it would hurt her.
Meetra walked through the threshold and was met with a seemingly endless hall. It was dark, save for a single beam of light streaming through the ceiling at the end of the passageway, a hooded figure standing in its ray. Cautiously, Meetra edged closer before recognizing the figure. Finally, someone who was still alive, although, Meetra wondered how she'd entered the cave.
"Kreia," Meetra smiled as she began running to the old woman shrouded in her usual brown and mustard robes. However, as Meetra approached, she sensed something was wrong. Kreia lifted her hood and showed her eyes for the first time - they were milky and colorless, similar to Sion's. Her appearance began to change - the ties in her hair morphed from brown to ebony and red and her robes were black. "Kreia, what's going on?"
The old woman opened her mouth to speak, but a voice called out from behind Meetra, silencing her. "Don't get near her, Meetra. She's a Sith. She's been playing you all along." Atton?
Meetra turned to see her secret love running toward her, his double-bladed lightsaber drawn - he too was wearing flowing black robes. One of his hands was sheathed in a black leather glove - she couldn't help but wonder why.
"Will you listen to a fool? A murderer of Jedi?" Kreia's words echoed in the cave. "Or will you listen to your teacher who has never failed you?"
Before Meetra could answer, Bao-Dur walked into the mix. "What are you doing here, Bao?"
"Defending you, General," he replied. His always-calm eyes were dark and stormy as they rested on Kreia. As Meetra focused on Bao, Atton ran past her, charging Kreia.
"Atton, no!" Meetra screamed, jumping between the two, arms stretched to the ceiling. "Please don't do this," she begged, fresh tears welling in her eyes.
"Meetra, move," Atton hissed. "She needs to die."
"Will you allow him to strike down an old woman? Your teacher?" Kreia questioned. The thought of killing Atton was too much to bear as she looked at him. However, something was off. His eyes were brown and lifeless - far from his usual hazel. She turned to look at Kreia once more - the old woman had two hands wrapped around her lightsaber's hilt.
"This isn't real," Meetra whispered.
"Choose, Exile," Kreia demanded. "Who will you defend? Who will you strike down?"
"This isn't real," Meetra shook her head, lowering her arms. "Both of you, stop."
"So you would choose inaction instead of choosing to defend one of us?" Kreia sneered. "Apathy is death."
"Apathy is death," Atton repeated.
"Apathy is death," Bao-Dur joined.
As the three repeated the phrase over and over, Meetra glanced at Atton, just in time to see him swing his lightsaber at her, ducking just before his blades struck her. Not wanting to harm any of them, Meetra ran to the corner. The three approached, lightsabers shining - she panicked. She extended her arm upard, using the Force to push the three to the ground.
Atton and Bao dissipated into dust, but Kreia remained, quickly swinging her blade at Meetra's neck. Meetra ducked and stabbed the old woman's stomach. "I'm so sorry, Kreia," she whispered as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry." The woman groaned and flashed a weak smile before she too dissolved into dust. "I'm so sorry."
A/N - Thank you for your patience, reviews and support! This chapter was slightly longer, darker and different than the others, but hopefully you enjoyed it and it was worth the wait.
Until next time.