In the evening Hux went to the lab, but he left after an hour. It wasn't the same without her. He briefly mused about returning to his quarters, but he felt restless.

The feeling of the scabbard of his monomolecular blade on his right forearm didn't help. It felt uncomfortable. He had to resist the urge to touch it, to adjust it. It had been a long time since he had felt the need to carry the hidden weapon in his sleeve.

He decided to visit the officer's mess for a tea. The view from the viewport would prove interesting enough.

After he had ordered his tea, he scanned the room with his eyes. Only a few officers where present, they looked tired, the chatter was quiet. He relaxed a little and pulled his data pad out of his coat's pocket. He searched for Rose Phan's file.

He didn't bother to read the file itself, instead looking at her picture. She looked unusually serious, almost sad. He suddenly wished he had another picture of her, one in which she looked more like herself.

Suddenly his heckles rose and a voice behind him rang out. "Are you missing your girlfriend, General?"

Ren. How in the name of the Emperor had he managed to sneak up to him? Again he felt the weight of the scabbard of his monomolecular blade on his arm. Hux slowly put the pad down and turned in his seat. Ren stood right behind him, wearing his trademark robes and his silly mask. "Lord Ren. It seems that the IS didn't waste any time to spread rumours."

Ren rounded his chair and sat down across from him. "So you don't deny it?"

Hux shrugged. "What's there to deny? Did you think that I would turn red like a cadet?"

Judging from the silence that followed Hux had guessed right. He briefly wondered how old Ren was. He certainly acted like a youngling. He himself would probably be ashamed of a rumour that he had relations. Hm, interesting.

"It's just that I'm surprised at you, General. I thought you were a man of taste. Instead you chose a chubby little nobody."

Hux gritted his teeth and glared at Ren. Cheap provocation was all he was capable of. Well, now that Ren had revealed his own inexperience and insecurity, Hux could provoke him in return. "She chose me to be honest. I assume you are not familiar with that concept."

Of course Ren got angry. He leaned forward and hissed: "There are plenty of women who want me."

Hux raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

Ren slammed his fist on the table, and some of Hux's tea sloshed over the rim of the mug on the table. "You're lucky that Snoke needs you, Hux. I have killed for lesser insults."

"Every word you utter betrays you, Ren. You're nothing but an overgrown boy who hides behind a mask."

Ren jumped up. "Unfortunately I can't touch you, Hux, but I can touch what is yours."

Hux gave him a thin smile. "You don't understand, Ren. She was never mine, and now she's gone." He took the cup of tea from the table and used a napkin to clean the spilled liquid. "Did you honestly think that I would let her be a bargaining chip in a power play?"

Ren stood completely still, then suddenly huffed. "I can sense your feelings. You love her."

"Yes, I do, more than you can imagine." It felt strange to admit it out aloud. At the same time it was liberating.

Ren stood awkwardly in front of him, probably unsure how best to make a dramatic exit. Strangely enough he didn't seem angry anymore. "But you let her go…"

"I did. It was inevitable – have you ever looked closely at us, Ren? Do you honestly think that a decent being would stay with us? I always knew she would leave me eventually. All IS did was accelerating the process."

Ren still stood there, breathing loudly, unable to sit down or leave. Hux took a sip of his tea.

"I had a vision about a woman. She is strong in the Force and our fates are intertwined," said Ren in a low voice. "My master says that she is destined for me."

"She is some kind of prize to you, then?"

Ren tilted his head a little. He hesitated for a moment. "Yes."

Had Snoke honestly promised Ren a mystery woman? And Ren had fallen for this manipulation? He must be more simple-minded than he had- no, not simple-minded. Young, inexperienced.

A question was on the tip of his tongue: 'Since when did Snoke procure lovers for his underlings?' Hux grimaced. No, he wasn't supposed to think that. Snoke saw the bigger picture... didn't he? Even if that involved promising his apprentice a woman like a-

Hux pinched his nose. He tried to get rid of the traitorous thoughts. He noticed that Ren was still standing there.

"Anything else?" Hux asked.

Ren scoffed and left in a huff. Hux watched as he stalked out of the officer's mess.

.

-o-

.

When she had finished her tale, nobody said a word. The silence weighted Rose down like a clammy wet blanket. She felt cold and her chest hurt as if it was difficult to breathe. She had to pull through, she had been given a mission.

She lifted her chin and looked straight at Poe. Professional, she needed to be professional. "My mission was a success, Commander."

He seemed to pick up her sentiment. "Indeed it was, Sergeant Tico. Thank you for your service."

"Thank you, sir."

He got up from the table and gave her a snappy salute. "I'll write the report for General Organa. You can look over it and put in corrections at your discretion."

So he was giving her a way out, the chance to rewrite some of the events. Poe meant well, but changing even the smallest detail would imply that she was ashamed of her actions. That she was ashamed that she had slept with Hux. If only it were so easy. "Thank you, Commander."

Poe left, leaving Rose and Paige alone at the table. Rose exhaled. "I need fresh air. Care to join me?"

Paige nodded. "Let's go out in the back."

Rose grabbed a thick dark green parka – she assumed it belonged to her 'mother' and put it on. Paige grabbed her own coat and they headed out.

It was dark outside, the sky was clear and she could see the twin moons and the stars. The snow glittered in the pale moonlight, the light from the house illuminated the backyard in a warm light.

"I never thought I would actually miss snow," said Rose.

"I still don't miss it." Paige gestured towards the frozen ground. "Everything is dead here. D'Qar on the other hand is life."

"I guess it's true."

They both looked up to the moons, small clouds of breath formed every time they breathed. Paige's presence had a soothing effect on Rose. Whenever she was near her sister it felt like everything would just work out.

"I'm glad that you're back in one piece." Paige kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Ro."

Rose gave her sister a sad smile. "I'm sorry that you had to worry about me."

"Well, now I know how you feel when I'm going on a mission. How do you feel?"

"I'm embarrassed." The words came out of her mouth before she had even time to think. "I was afraid that you would- I didn't want you to hear about it."

Paige embraced her. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You did what you needed to do for the mission. Sleeping with- with Hux was necessary."

Rose felt an iron grip around her heart, she hugged Paige back. "What if it wasn't?" She said in a low voice against Paige's chest.

"I- I don't understand."

Rose let go of Paige. "I wanted it – by the stars, I was the one taking the first step." She buried her face in her hands. "I didn't have to do it for the mission, we were working together just fine... I- kriff."

Paige embraced her again. She waited for Rose to continue.

"You can't tell anyone," Rose whispered. "But I really like him, and may the Force forgive me, I miss him."

Paige was silent for a moment, then she asked: "Did you feel bad about spying on him?"

"No, I didn't. That's what's making this so kriffing embarrassing. It's not some weird psychological thing – I always knew that what I was doing was right. I always knew that my priorities were. And still... I genuinely started to like him. Like… a lot."

"Then I guess he has some redeeming qualities." Paige said with a small sigh. "You're too smart to fall for some jerk."

"He has. Obviously I can't tell the others. Some of them wouldn't understand that one can like somebody but still do what's necessary for the greater good."

"No, I guess not. Will you change something in the report Poe's going to show you?"

"No. I want to tell the truth, at least to the point that concerns them. As far as my emotions go... I'm not an idiot. I know that it can't go on forever."

"If you really feel that way it's not going to be that easy.""

Rose chuckled and let go of Paige. "Of course not. I truly miss him and- well, we both are who we are. My eyes are too wide open to ignore the state of the galaxy and he is too blind to see where the Order is headed."

"Sounds like regret."

"Oh, you have no idea. He's such a brilliant engineer, he's loyal and he's got integrity – but he uses his talents for the wrong people. And it makes me angry, why doesn't he see them for what they are?"

Paige crouched down, took a handful of snow and formed it into a snowball. "Most of the officers were raised by the Order. They were indoctrinated." She threw the snowball towards a small snow mound. "I know that you don't want to hear it. But he is a fanatic like the rest of them."

Rose grabbed a handful of snow and made her own snowball. She threw it into the same direction, like Paige. "I know. It still makes me angry. And it makes me sad." Her hands were prickling from the cold, so she rubbed them together.

"You can't save everyone in the whole wide galaxy, Ro." Paige buried her hand deep inside her pockets.

Rose didn't answer. She watched once again the black sky above her. Kriff, she really wanted to hold him one last time, smell his scent... kiss him.