I know it has been a long time, and I'm sorry. But, my Grandmama was in the hospital and died a few days ago, so I haven't been able to write. I hope you enjoy this chapter and that it's worth the wait.

Chapter Twenty-two: Lost

She stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Desperate to be in solitude as long as possible, Christine had locked herself inside her room.

When she first woke, she had – for a few precious moments – not remembered. Then, it hit her: I'm going to be married today. This was confirmed when she found a white gown in her closet. It was beautiful; she couldn't deny it. But, it bothered her that it was the dress she would have picked if given her own choice. She clenched her fists until her nails scratched her little hands. It's not fair! her mind and heart screamed. What girl doesn't want to try on dress after dress until finding the perfect one with a mother or sister? Christine had dreamed of the day when she would have a loving fiancé and plan her wedding with her loved ones. Yet, she had been denied that common privilege, and the man she was marrying was never one she would have imagined herself choosing in her wildest dreams. What should have been a joyous occasion was instead a tragedy.

Fortunately, Erik agreed to wait two days before the wedding, sensing that his future bride needed time to adjust. Christine was thankful, but all the time in the world couldn't take away the feeling that she had been robbed. There were so many things she used to want to do before marriage… she had dreamed of traveling to France and Italy to see art and the famous opera houses. She wanted to grow her singing career and perform on stage. She wanted to be young and make mistakes and learn how to be independent the hard way.

But, now… there was only Erik.

Shivers traveled over her spine as she looked at herself. She didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. Christine had been hardly more than a child with dreamy eyes and a sad smile not four months ago. Then, Erik entered her life and completely turned her world upside-down. He made her feel alive for the first time in her life. Never before had she known that she was capable of feeling such strong emotions: horror, anger, despair, empathy… and love.

What she had told Erik was true. She had chosen him over Raoul… over the rational world, even. Yet, she hadn't told him everything. She hadn't told him how much she needed him, the gratitude she felt towards him. Erik was darkness and power and alluring, whereas she was insecure and innocent and naïve. They were complete opposites, yet, she somehow felt attracted to him in a similar way that a moth is attracted to a lantern.

When he took her, she panicked. She didn't know what to do when she finally realized that he loved her. Indeed, she had never seen such passionate and consuming love before, and it frightened her. So, she fought him. She tried to push him away and to make herself hate him, but she still couldn't deny that she had placed herself into his power when she asked him to train her voice. The music they created bound them together until they were inseparable.

Despite all of this, she still couldn't love him. She was too afraid, too young… too weak. He would demand all of her; her timid affection wasn't enough to satiate his thirst, and she wasn't ready to return such a deep love. By allowing and returning his love, she would lose herself. She shook her head. I'm sorry, Erik… but I'm not brave enough to love you.

o0o

Erik waited anxiously in the hallway. He was dressed in proper bridegroom's attire, but he knew that he wasn't what most women would consider a knight in shining armor. What am I doing? he wondered. He knew that he was about to destroy all of Christine's fairy-tales. Oh, he could tell himself that he was acting in her best interest by marrying her, but he couldn't deny the truth: he wanted Christine as his own, living bride. While he wouldn't have forced her to marry him under other circumstances, he was glad and relieved that she couldn't run back to that infernal boy of hers. No, she was going to be his by the end of the day. If she would only hurry…

As if on cue, the bedroom door opened, and Christine was standing before him. His breath caught in his throat, rendering him speechless for the first time in his life.

She is so beautiful… and she is mine.

While Christine had always been beautiful, she was even more so on their wedding day. She looked fragile and ethereal and so completely his that he wanted to crush her against him and never let her go. However, he knew that would be most inconsiderate, so he settled for a gentle compliment. "You look lovely, my dear."

Her smile was strained. They had avoided each other over the last couple of days. The knowledge that they were going to be married somehow made them not want to be around each other. On Erik's part, it was fear that she would change her mind. Christine just didn't want to remember her impending fate.

"Thank you," she replied so quietly that he almost missed it. He offered her his arm, and she took it without meeting his eyes. In silence, they walked to the backyard. Rose petals were scattered on the pathway that led to the fountain, and in front of the fountain stood a minister.

Christine froze, unable to take another step. "I can't do this," she whispered brokenly, turning pleading eyes on Erik as she pulled away from him. He sighed. "I'm sorry, Christine; we have no choice," he told her softly, hating that he had put that pain into her eyes. "And… it won't be so horrible being married to me," he added earnestly. "I'm not a monster."

His words hit her. "I'm not a monster." No, he wasn't a monster. He wasn't some kind of angel or prince, nor was he a villain or a demon. He was just… a man.

And, he was a man who loved her.

She swallowed. "I know." He took her hand, and she gripped it tightly, somehow finding courage in its grasp. Moments later, they were standing before the minister.

Christine didn't hear any of the minister's words. She kept thinking that any moment now, she would wake from this strange dream. It's not real, she insisted faintly. It can't be real…

"Young lady, you haven't said 'I do,'" the minister told her with a warm and what she supposed was an understanding smile. She looked back at Erik, her eyes wide. He looked frozen, showing no emotion on his face… but then, she heard his voice by her ear.

"You don't have to love me, Christine," he promised. Her eyes closed briefly, and a tear slid down her face. "I will never hurt you or make demands of you if only you will be my bride. I love you…"

Her eyes opened, and in one breath that seemed to make the world stand still, she met his eyes. "I do."

There was no turning back now.

"You may kiss the bride."

Christine stiffened. Erik noticed and sighed before brushing his fingers against her cheek and kissing her forehead tenderly. The minister smiled broadly.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

o0o

As if in a daze, Erik led her back to the sitting room after the minister left. Christine sank into one of the chairs, suddenly exhausted. I'm a married woman now…

"You are a good girl, Christine," Erik said quietly. He sat next to her on the couch and took her hand in his and absent-mindedly began stroking her wedding ring. He was proud to see the gold band on her finger. She didn't know it, but the inside of the band read, "Fate links me to thee forever and a day!" He wished that one simple ring meant as much to her as it did to him.

She smiled sadly. "I am, aren't I?" she murmured. Then, to his surprise, she rested her head against his shoulder. He didn't move for several moments, afraid that he would frighten her away. Oh, Christine… I love you so much…

The sun faded as they just sat there. Christine's mind was frayed, and she found Erik's shoulder oddly comforting. All too soon, he rose. "Are you hungry, darling?" She shook her head. "No," she answered in a faint voice. "I only want to go to bed."

He nodded, and as he took her hand and began leading her, she suddenly panicked. "No! No, no…" She wouldn't – she couldn't – sleep with him. She was far too weak to let him…

"Christine." His voice froze her. His hand moved under her chin, and in a moment, she was looking into his eyes.

"I promised you that I would never make demands of you. Why can you not believe me?" Shame flooded her face as she lowered her eyes to the floor, and she heard him sigh. "I suppose I haven't given you much of a reason to believe my promises, have I?" She looked up again, her mind whirling in confusion. The man before her was her teacher, her confidante, the one who had given her voice wings to fly… and she was still terrified of him.

Without another word, Erik simply lifted her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. He set her on the floor in the bathroom and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Furiously, she rinsed her face in cold water before looking into the mirror. She was so pale that it frightened her, and her large, dark eyes looked eerie and out of place. After changing into her nightclothes, she left the bathroom and tucked herself into the bed. Just as she closed her eyes, she heard her bedroom door open softly. Shocked, her eyes flew open… and there was Erik. He didn't look at her as he climbed into the bed beside her. In terror, she clutched the covers to her frame and whispered, "But… but you promised…"

"Christine," he said, his voice sounding spent, "I'm not going to break my promise to you. But, I'm very tired, and I only want to hold my wife…"

"My wife." It was such a simple phrase, but it sounded so different coming from… well, her husband. Slowly, she nodded. Cautiously, as though he half-expected her to bite him, he put his arms around her and drew her close. She could feel the fast rhythm of his heart, and she smiled. "Goodnight, Erik," she said softly.

"Goodnight, darling. I love you."

"I know." In moments, she was asleep while Erik lay there, pondering. Of course, "I know" wasn't "I love you…" but still, it was more than what he had hoped.

Perhaps they could have a happily-ever-after, after all…

Posted on January 11, 2011