Chapter Twenty-Five
Almost two days had passed since Liam had walked out the door of the farm, and Kurt hadn't been able to reach him ever since. The boy's silence frustrated Kurt so much, that he simply couldn't stand it any longer. He had to do something, find a way to see his son in person and talk to him.
He was a straightforward person, who didn't play games, but Liam forced him into getting a little creative. Liam had thought he would be meeting one of his friends at a bar, but it was his father waiting for him instead. Kurt didn't feel good about this, but he convinced himself that it was in everyone's best interest.
"Dad, what are you doing here?" Liam was taken off guard by the sight of his father at the booth. He looked around, probably searching for his friend, who obviously wasn't there.
"I'm really sorry, you know it's not like me to do something like this, but you left me no choice," Kurt explained, hoping Liam would understand.
"Please don't tell me mom is here is well," Liam looked around once more. Kurt didn't doubt that he would have walked out on them again if Diane had been present.
"She isn't. It's just you and me. Can we talk? Please," he pleaded and trusted him to make the right decision. They had always been able to talk about anything, there was no reason for it to change now.
"All right, but let me grab a beer first," Liam gave in and placed his jacket on the seat next to Kurt before walking over to the bar.
Kurt felt relieved, he'd managed to get through the first barrier successfully. This probably wasn't the ideal place for a personal conversation, but the booth was private enough and the music wasn't too loud, so it allowed them to hear each other clearly.
Liam sat down with his beer and Kurt left him some time to get comfortable. He did avoid small talk though, he wanted to focus on the topic that stood between them.
"It's been two days since you left like that, and you didn't answer any of my calls. Are you angry with me?" he asked him right away, because he needed to know the truth.
"I am," Liam rushed to answer, but when he saw Kurt's reaction he seemed hesitant. He hid his gaze from him for a few seconds and when he looked back at his father again his expression softened: "No, I'm not," he corrected himself and Kurt noted it with the hint of a smile.
"Are you angry with your mom?" Kurt kept on pushing him.
"No. I know it's not her fault what's happening," Liam reminded him.
"So you are saying it's my fault," Kurt interpreted his answer. It didn't feel right to be blamed by him like that, but he had counted with it.
"It's the truth dad," the young man insisted.
"Can I at least defend myself?" Kurt inquired.
"I understand your reasons. You've been lonely, and you still love her. But how can you just forget the past? What she did to you, to us? It's because of her that we ceased to exist as a family." There were a lot of hurt feelings in those sentences, but that was to be expected. It wasn't the first time Liam expressed them.
"Don't you think she knows that? But it happened almost two decades ago, maybe it's time you start working on forgiving her. She's not a monster. She's your mother, and she loves you very much. She did nothing unforgivable to either of us." Kurt was careful not to raise his voice. He wanted to reason with him, not to ambush him.
"So you're taking her side," Liam noted and Kurt couldn't decide if it was a statement or a question.
"I don't want to take sides, I love you both," he declared and waited to see some kind of a reaction on the boy's face. He seemed rather unattached. "Would it really be so bad if we finally became a family again? I know it didn't work out in the past, your mother was way too focused on her career back then, but it could be different now," he added in an attempt to convince him.
"Different how? She has a law firm to run, I bet she is working late nights, weekends. You will barely see her, but if that's what you want, it's your decision. At least you don't have a kid to take care of anymore." He couldn't have sounded more bitter. He didn't seem to have any trust left for his mother, which was perfectly understandable.
"Don't you think she wants things to change as well?" Kurt hinted, without giving more away.
"Maybe she says so, but those will only stay promises, like they did in the past. I was only ten when you moved out, but I remember more than you might think. She was home by dinner time maybe once a week, she worked many weekends, I can count on one hand how many vacations we took together, and she was absent from ninety percent of the school events as well. I still remember how lonely I felt after you moved out. She told me she loved me countless times, but I wish I actually felt that more often." Liam was on the verge of crying as he took a trip down memory lane, forcing Kurt with him. Kurt remembered all that too, but he didn't want to continue living in the past.
"You need to talk to her about these things, maybe it will help," he suggested, concerned. It was possible that Liam needed more than just to talk to his mother, but it could have been the first step.
"What's the point? Like you said it happened a long time ago. I don't want to keep living in the past," he voiced what Kurt had wished to hear, the only problem was that he wasn't convinced he'd meant it.
"Do you think you will ever be able to forgive her?" That was the single most important question in Kurt's mind and Liam took some time to answer.
"I don't think so, not like you did," he shook his head and the sadness was visible on his face.
"Under those circumstances she did the best she could. We couldn't make the marriage work, but she still wanted to be your mother." Kurt was beginning to run out of arguments, and still didn't feel that they were making any progress.
"But she failed at that. You should really stop defending her," Liam pointed out, resigned.
"So you aren't giving her a second chance?" Kurt asked him directly.
"It's too late. I'm twenty-eight, I don't need my mother anymore," Liam noted and it hurt Kurt too much that the boy had simply given up on this relationship.
"Maybe you do. Have you thought of your child? Grandparents can be useful, you know," he reminded him with a faint smile.
"We will see about that. Of course I want what's best for my kid, and for him or her to have everything. But I don't expect too much from mom," he concluded bitterly.
"Maybe you underestimate her," Kurt commented carelessly.
"What do you mean by that?" Liam seemed curious, probably guessing there was more behind his father's statement.
"Listen, I came here hoping we could discuss this as adults and I do appreciate you sharing your side of the story. I still think you and your mother need to talk about all this, about the past. You rely only on your memories, but you can't remember everything. Yes, her career was more important to her back then, that's why she's where she is now. But she doesn't think it was worth it, she has enormous guilt in her because of the past and she wants to make things right. She thinks you will only forgive her if she gives up her firm altogether and dedicates her life to us from now on." He got carried away and the confession was out before he could even think about it.
"She wants to give up her firm? What are you talking about?" The idea seemed to affect Liam a great deal.
"She didn't authorize me to tell you this, in fact she wanted to tell you herself. She's thinking of retiring, she wants to be there for you, me, Eryn and the baby, like she wasn't there for us in the past. She wants to make things right," as he was saying the words, the stunned expression on Liam's face spoke volumes of the boy's inner monologue.
"And what do you think about her plan?" Liam asked after a few seconds of silence.
"I appreciate the gesture, but I feel like she shouldn't do it. I think she would end up regretting it," Kurt responded honestly.
"She probably would," Liam sighed, shifting his gaze on the table, and his fingers began to tap the beer bottle.
Kurt wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't wholeheartedly support Diane's plan, but at the same time he really wished for things to change between her and their son. And now that he'd accidentally spilled her secret, he felt like he had to try and convince Liam that it might actually work.
"She is serious about it. She says she wants to do it for all of us, but mainly she's doing it for you." He met his son's gaze, flashing him a soft, encouraging smile. He'd run out of reasons, he wished to get to his heart now.
"I know," Liam nodded after what felt like an eternity. It was hard to guess what was going on inside his head.
"She wanted to tell you herself, she was just waiting for the right opportunity," Kurt added, then leaned back in his seat. He felt like he had done his part, from now on it was up to Liam to think it all through and hopefully make the right decision.
"I'll give her a call," Liam finally uttered the words, without much confidence, but it was definitely a change Kurt was pleased to see.
"Thank you," he responded, flashing him a grateful smile.
Kurt was quite satisfied with the outcome of their conversation, even if he was risking Diane's anger for giving away her plan. He felt that it was worth even that. He could finally continue sipping his beer and he thought it even tasted better than it had twenty minutes ago. And he wouldn't have minded staying for another one.
o-o-o
It was ten-o'clock on a Sunday morning and Liam still hadn't left his room. Kurt had been waiting as patiently as he could, but at a certain point he had to go and see what was going on with him.
He carefully opened Liam's door, not to wake him in case he was still asleep, but the boy opened his eyes as soon as his father entered.
"Why are you still in bed? Is everything okay?" Kurt walked to Liam's bed to check up on him.
"I'm feeling sick, dad," he complained, so Kurt kneeled in front of the bed and put his palm on the boy's forehead to check his temperature.
"You don't look sick to me. What's wrong?" he asked after making sure he saw no sign of sickness on him.
"My tummy hurts a bit, and my head," Liam revealed, his voice sounded fragile, but Kurt didn't fully believe him.
"Maybe you had too much pasta for dinner," he brought up a possible reason.
"Maybe. Can I stay in bed?" Liam whined, and Kurt decided to play along for now, to maybe the let the cat out of the bag. Liam's timing was definitely suspicious.
"If you are really feeling sick, you can. Maybe I should call Dr. Thomas and ask her to come and examine you," he suggested, knowing fully well how scared Liam was of the doctor, ever since she'd given him an injection one time.
"Maybe later, if it doesn't get better," Liam responded in a much clearer voice.
"We also need to pack your stuff, your mom is picking you up in the afternoon," Kurt brought up something he assumed was the reason for this act the kid was putting up.
"Maybe you can call her and tell her that I'm not feeling well. Maybe she will let me stay with you instead," Liam's voice faded as he pulled the blanket over himself. He probably tried to hide his face, so Kurt wouldn't notice that he wasn't telling the truth, but it was too late for that.
Kurt sat next to him on the bed and slowly pulled the blanket down.
"Are you really sick or just pretending to be? Please be honest with me," he asked softly, looking into the kid's eyes that reminded him so much of his mother's.
"Please don't be angry with me," the boy begged him and tried to reach for the blanket again, but he didn't succeed, Kurt didn't let him hide again.
"I'm not," he smiled at him encouragingly. To truly experience his anger, he would have had to try a lot harder, but fortunately it didn't happen often. "What's going on?" he asked, hoping to show the boy that he had nothing to fear.
"I thought if I pretend to be sick, mom will let me stay with you, because she wouldn't have the time to take care of me," he revealed the plan which made a lot of sense, especially coming from a ten-year-old.
"Why don't you want to stay with your mom?" Kurt asked feeling sad for the boy.
Liam finally stopped pretending to be sick and sat up to lean against the headboard.
"I see Rosie a lot more than her," the boy noted, referring to the girl Diane had hired to take care of Liam when she wasn't able to. Fortunately, after the initial difficulties, she and Liam had learnt to get along well, but he made a good point.
"You know your mom has an important job, right?" Kurt mentioned something he must have said several times before. Most likely it sounded like an empty excuse for him by now.
"More important than me?" Liam made a good point, and Kurt didn't really know how to answer his question.
"She's trying her best," Kurt was still defending Diane, because he thought it was in Liam's best interest to have both his parents in his life.
"I'd rather stay with you," Liam declared desperately.
"You're only ten, you can't make that decision," Kurt reminded him.
"I can't wait to be older," the boy sighed in a very adultlike way, which made Kurt smile.
"Your mom loves you very much. Give her a chance," he insisted, hoping for things to change with time. He really wished Diane would try harder to spend more time with their son when she had him, but he was aware that it was mostly out of her control.
"When I'm with her I miss you dad. I don't miss her when I'm with you," Liam admitted, but as much as Kurt appreciated the confession, he was also concerned about it. It simply didn't feel right.
"Promise me you won't tell her that," he insisted.
"I promise," Liam nodded.
Kurt was so grateful to have him in his life and he couldn't understand how Diane didn't feel the same way, how anything else could be more important to her than their son's happiness.
"If you are done feeling sick, maybe you can check the kitchen, I smelled pancakes in there," Kurt encouraged the boy to finally get out of bed.
"Pancakes? I think I'm feeling better already," he smiled and gave his dad a big hug before he climbed out of the bed and rushed out of the room.
Kurt was left alone with his thoughts and he wasn't sure how to process what had just happened. He didn't feel that talking to Diane about this would change anything on her end, but he wasn't sure how else to help his son. He didn't want to keep Liam from Diane, she was his mother and she had the right to spend time with him as well. So for now he decided to wait for things to evolve, to give it some time and hope for the best.
o-o-o
Kurt felt guilty for betraying Diane's trust, but he knew that Liam's reaction would cheer Diane up, so he didn't want to keep it from her. It was almost ten when he stopped his car in the parking lot close to her apartment. He hadn't even made sure she was home, he simply aimed to surprise her.
"Hey, I know it's late and I probably should have called ahead," he apologized as she opened the door. Knowing her, she was probably still working at this hour, and the glasses on her face definitely indicated that.
"I'm always happy to see you," she responded with a wide smile and pulled him inside, greeting him with a kiss. It was deeper than a usual welcome kiss, not that he minded one bit.
"You taste like beer," she noted, still smiling. She seemed to be in a good mood and he was happy to contribute to that with his news.
"I was with Liam," he admitted the reason he came here for.
"How did it go?" Her face gave away the instant worry she felt.
"I want to spare you the details, but I think you'll be pleased with the outcome," he revealed with a smile as they walked towards the living room.
"What did he say?" she sounded impatient and he couldn't blame her.
So, as soon as they sat down on the couch, he told her the news: "He's agreed to talk to you, he's going to call you."
"Really?" She seemed pleasantly surprised, but then she began to eye him suspiciously. "Let me guess. You told him about my plan to retire," she stated, and he figured it wouldn't be smart to deny it.
"I didn't mean to, but we argued and it slipped out. Are you mad?" he asked cautiously. He really hoped she wouldn't be.
"No, I appreciate your efforts in trying to bring us back together," she reassured him with a smile and took his hand.
"Nothing would make me happier," he admitted the obvious as he pressed her hand.
"But you don't support my plan," she noted with a serious expression, letting go of his hand.
He was aware that he'd been sending her mixed signals about it, but maybe it was time to come clean. He reached for both her hands and she let him take them, waiting patiently for his answer.
"It's not that. I'm just skeptical. I know how much your firm and your career mean to you," he reminded her. It had been the hardest lesson of his life, to learn that he could only ever come second or third with Diane compared to her career.
"I never said it would be easy to give it up. But if I earn Liam's forgiveness with it, it's going to be worth it," she sounded determined and he truly wished for her plan to work out in the end.
"I hope so," he uttered sincerely. He did everything he could, now it was up to Diane and Liam to find a way out of the labyrinth of the past.
After eyeing him silently for a few seconds Diane stood up and pulled him with her. She let go of his hands and folded her arms around his neck, leaning closer to him. "Thank you for everything," she whispered, their lips only inches away from each other.
"No need to thank me," he noted, returning her smile, and hugged her by the waist.
"I still want to," she insisted, her lips teasing his, "How can I convince you to stay the night?" she asked, while she was already very convincing with her actions.
"That's an unexpected turn," he joked, making her chuckle.
"You know you want to," she teased, brushing her lips against his.
"I do," he responded just as quietly. He was craving her kiss so much, but he waited for her to make the final move.
"My work here is done," she declared with a vicious smile and before he could chuckle she finally closed the distance between their lips.
o-o-o
It was a Saturday afternoon and Kurt was busy cleaning the house when the phone rang.
"Do you have a few minutes?" his soon to be ex-wife inquired through the line.
"Sure," he responded, and took a seat in the armchair, in case it would turn out to be a longer conversation.
"It's about next week. We have a big trial coming up, and I was wondering if Liam could stay with you for another week?" she was asking for a favor and he wasn't even surprised. He'd expected it to be just a matter of time for her to mess up the schedule she'd created for them.
"Of course, no problem," he responded naturally. Unlike Diane, for him it was a no-brainer, Liam always came first.
"Thank you. I'll call you again next weekend to confirm when I'm picking him up," she promised.
"Sounds good," he noted, keeping his answers intentionally short. He had no right to judge anymore and he was also tired of arguing with her.
"Is he there? Can I talk to him?" Diane broke the awkward silence.
"He's outside playing with Robby," Kurt glanced out the window to the yard where Liam and his friend were playing football. Even from inside he could hear that they were having a good time.
"Oh okay, I'll call him again later then," she offered, sounding a bit disappointed, or maybe he just wished to think she felt that way.
"All right. Good luck with the trial," he added out of politeness before he hung up.
Even though he'd expected something like this to happen sooner or later he was disappointed. But at the same time he also knew how happy Liam would be.
He waited for the boy's friend to leave before he shared the news with him.
"Your mom called. She has something important to take care of next week, so you are staying with me for another week," he informed the kid, who couldn't have looked happier with the news.
"Really? Thank you," Liam hugged his dad, who returned it gently.
"She will call you later," Kurt said after they let go of each other. "She wanted to talk to you, but you were outside. Should we call her now?" he suggested, even though he could already guess his answer.
"You said she'll call," Liam noted wisely, and Kurt decided to let it go. He didn't want to force him into things he didn't want to do, instead he wished to make the best use of this extra time they were allowed to spend together.
"Okay. So what do you want to do tomorrow? Should we go fishing?" he suggested something they hadn't done in a while.
"I'd love that," Liam sounded and looked excited.
"But only if you finish your homework today," Kurt voiced his condition and he didn't have to say it twice.
"I'm on it," the boy announced and rushed upstairs to his room.
Kurt kept looking at the staircase with a smile on his face. Diane was missing out on so much, but her loss was definitely his gain. He vowed to be there for his son whenever he needed him from the moment he had been born and he never wanted to break this promise.
o-o-o
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Ms. Lockhart," Kurt addressed the assistant, sitting at the desk in front of Diane's office.
He was surprised to find Diane's office empty. He came up from the parking lot because he hadn't been able to reach her and the time they had agreed on to meet had already passed.
"Mr. McVeigh, hello," the young woman greeted him. "Ms. Lockhart had to rush over to the courthouse, but she told me to tell you to wait for her. She'll be back very soon," she reassured him.
"Thank you. Can I wait in her office?" Kurt inquired, not feeling like waiting in the car, and he didn't think Diane would mind.
"Sure. Would you like something to drink?" she offered.
"No, thank you, I'm good," he reassured her and was about to walk into the corner office, when he heard a familiar male voice from behind him.
"Kurt, hello. Looking for Diane?"
Kurt turned around and saw Will, Diane's partner standing in the doorway of the office opposite from Diane's.
"Hi, yes, she will be back soon, right?" He was looking for some reassurance, still finding her sudden disappearance a bit odd.
"I'm sure. Care to join me for a beer while you wait?" Will offered with a friendly smile.
"Why not?" Kurt shrugged, thankful for the unexpected company.
They sat down with their beers in Will's office. Kurt on the couch and Will in the armchair. The situation was slightly awkward, since so far their conversations had been about cases, but at the moment there was no such topic to grab at.
"We are seeing you more often here lately," Will initiated a personal tone for their conversation and even though it made Kurt a bit uncomfortable he didn't want to be rude.
"I guess," he admitted.
"Diane seems happy," Will noted and this information was definitely pleasantly welcomed by his visitor.
"She does?" he commented with a smile.
Kurt wasn't fully aware of the nature of Diane and Will's relationship, whether they were strictly business partners, or on more friendly terms. That's also why he chose to be cautious with his answers.
"I know it's none of my business, but I guess if I hadn't hired you, this would never have happened," Will concluded.
"You had no idea who I was, right?" Kurt inquired, tasting his beer. He was feeling slightly more comfortable now than at the beginning.
"No, Diane is way too protective of her personal life. She only told me afterwards, in fact that was when she also admitted that you two have a son," Will revealed something that didn't surprise Kurt at all.
"You two met at the courthouse," Kurt remembered the day of his trial, when they had found Liam and Will in a pleasant conversation.
"We have, he's a great young man, takes after both of you I'd say," Will complimented him.
"Thanks," Kurt responded with a proud smile.
"And what do you think about the news? A judgeship, isn't it amazing? What a way to end off her career. And to think that two days ago she wanted to retire."
The smile faded away from Kurt's face just as quickly, while he tried to make out the meaning behind Will's words. He was quite sure he was still talking about Diane, but what judgeship could he possibly mean? It took him completely off guard, so he needed a few seconds to control his reaction.
"She's definitely earned that," he squeezed out these words in the end, but couldn't bring back the smile on his face.
"Please don't tell me you didn't know. She's going to kill me." Panic spread through the younger man's face as he read Kurt's reaction for what it was, poor dismay.
"Don't worry about it," Kurt reassured him, wishing he could do the same, but the unexpected news couldn't have come at a more unexpected time. Not to mention he had to find out from someone other than who it concerned.
"I'm just really happy for her. She's going to be an amazing judge," Will continued cheerfully, while Kurt began to feel uncomfortable again. He couldn't decide whether he wanted Diane to finally show up or he simply wished to disappear. Truth be told the latter sounded a lot more tempting.
"That's for sure," he agreed, before they both got distracted by the clicking of heels coming from the hall. Kurt glanced in the direction of the door in time to see Diane enter.
"Hey, sorry I made you wait," she apologized, as she stepped inside Will's office, clearly surprised to find the two men together. Kurt claimed to see the worry cloud her face, unless it was only in his imagination.
"Hey, it's okay, Will invited me for a beer," Kurt lifted the bottle, trying to sound a lot calmer than he felt. He wasn't sure how he would be able to look into her eyes without giving away his inner struggle.
"Hope you don't mind," Will turned to her as well. Kurt was still able to read the guilt on his companion's face, still hoped it wouldn't attract Diane's attention.
"Why would I? But I don't mean to intrude," she joked, looking from one man to the other.
"Don't be silly," Will laughed out nervously, "I don't want to interfere with your plans," he added, turning back to Kurt.
"We do have a dinner reservation, so we better get going," Kurt basically jumped from his seat.
What he said wasn't true, but he wished to get out of there as soon as possible, so he and Diane could have the much needed privacy.
"It was nice talking to you, Kurt," Will bid him goodbye.
"You too," Kurt responded and after they shook hands he followed Diane out of Will's office.
As much as he wished to be alone with her, he feared it at the same time. Several questions only she was able to answer were eating him from the inside. In a matter of minutes his world, their world, turned upside down again, and he could only hope she had the clue in her hands.