I know you guys are ready to stone me. It's hard being a full time student and writing also. I have let you all down in my timing but I promise to make it up to you and I will have this story complete by May. As promised the letter from House……Onyx

I was thinking back to the night of our date. Wilson was so pleased that that I knew I'd never hear the end of it. I sat across from you at the table in suit, with my hair badly combed over, and you with that smile on your face like you'd won first prize at a turkey shoot, wearing a corsage I tried to return three times. You didn't know it then but I planned to take you back to my place. I figure if you got rocked, you'd be over it and so would I. When you said you would do whatever you had to do to win me over, I knew that one night wouldn't be enough for you It was all so easy. I put you in my hand and I crushed you. And what did do? You just tried that much harder. That was my first mistake. The second mistake was Chase. For a while I was entertained with the notion that you were working to make me jealous. I knew you had little interest in him and I was happy to watch your sorted attempt at revenge. Then I realized that you actually tried to make yourself believe you loved him. I didn't want to be with you, but I sure as hell knew you didn't belong with him. Wilson enjoyed that for a while as well. He assumed that I'd rush to your side and steal you away from him. But what did I care? I was free from your attempts to win me over and Stacy came back. She was one hell of a distraction but she wasn't mine anymore and we couldn't go back in time. You were spending more time with Chase and I was happily alone. The problem was I wasn't keeping enough tabs on you. When I wasn't paying attention you appeared, you were leaving, and you didn't have a date in your arsenal. I rolled my eyes when you reached up to kiss me, but I wanted to know if those feelings were still there. You played right into it and I knew that everything you'd done with Chase was a lie to protect yourself. It was a brilliant move and I fell for the charade. And then I was pissed off because you used my own tactics against me. I knew you were better then that but you let me poison your ethic and though you didn't get my blood, you still got what you wanted I told myself over a double shot of bourbon that I'd pay you back. I've never backed down from a fight. Revenge was my third mistake.

I lost Braeden that night and I was drunk and mad at the world. But you were the one I not only was mad at but that I hated. You weren't there to take my side and you weren't there to question my motives. In my mind you were the reason Braeden was gone. So I set you up for the fall. That over-paid, blithering idiot of a lawyer told me I didn't have a chance in Vegas of getting custody of the kid. He listed all of the qualifications and all I heard was marriage. I knew you'd never agree to marry me to get Braeden, you've always been so self-righteous. A few smooth parts on my end and agreeing to a bet that I wouldn't lose. I knew if you met my aunt and uncle you'd marry me anyway. And like a bass on a hook I had you. The problem was, I didn't expect to have to go so far. I didn't want you in my past, it wasn't your business that my daughter was dead, or that I hated my dad, but somehow you were in the middle. The more I tried to get your nose out of everything, the more you squeezed your way through. The night of the fire I was so close to telling you the truth but when that place went up in smoke, so did my chance. I was starting to resent you for staying and me for needing you to stay. When Braeden showed up as a result of your meddling it threw me over the edge. It was just one more reason I needed you there and one more reason I couldn't get rid of you. The more I want you gone, the harder it is to make it happen. But then you walked away and I didn't have to do it. Cool. No harm done.

Oh but where are you now? Sitting on your sofa with a box of Kleenex trying to convince yourself that you were an idiot. I'm not talking you out of it you are an idiot. Just like Cuddy, Wilson, Stacy, and this town, you're all idiots because you didn't tell me to go to hell when you should have. And now you're burned and now you see. You're right I'm a pissed off, pathetic cripple with a medical license. Medicine's easy, it's not always the easiest way of finding the problem but it's always there. Life and love are incurable diseases that spread and are completely illogical.

When I found Braeden, the dead part of losing my daughter came to life again. But my need for you killed the rest of the darkness that I want in my life. That kid looks at me like I'm Scooby Doo with a warehouse full of toys. If he only knew what you or Cuddy or Wilson saw in me, he'd wish he had his murdering father to run back to. But I don't want him to suffer and I don't want you to be the object of my twisted revenge. I want you to hate me the way the rest of this world hates me. The way it should be. I want you to hate me and I want you to mean it. And I don't want you to feel sorry for me or start scheming to change my mind. I'm saying it now. It's a list of all the reasons I don't want you or that kid in my life anymore.

I'm an angry, cruel, selfish, miserable cripple who hates to shave. I hate people especially people who work to do well. I'm a doctor because it entertains me and helps me cope with the pain in my leg. I'm too damn smart and not smart enough. I've hurt everyone, mostly intentionally. I'm not taking care of you or Braeden because I'd destroy you both. As soon as I mail this letter I'm going to Dan Brady's and I'm signing over custody of Braeden to him and Ruthie. I'm finishing my inane cases with Cuddy and I'm out the door. I'll throw a dart at a map and I'll crash there. All I ask if that you forget about me, be pathetically happy, and for God's sake stay away from Chase.

House

Cameron dropped the pages of the letter into her lap, the tears of anger and disgust rolled down her cheeks. She remembered back to what he'd said on the porch swing.

"I have one chance to make you see things the way I have since you've been gone. If I don't you're going to try and convince yourself that you can live with me damaged and that somehow you have the answers when you don't. And because I've spent most of my life caring only about myself and the needs of myself, I will let you pretend that you know how to fix everything. Then one day you'll wake up and realize that you let me screw up your life. I will let you walk out and I'll chalk it all up to how screwed up I really am. So let's start from the top."

What had changed his mind? Why did he make it seem like he was her a chance? There wasn't a date on the top sheet so she had no way of knowing when he'd written it. Absentmindedly she ran her fingers over the words on the page. He had pressed so painfully hard on the paper that the ink felt like it was engraved.

It was a rough draft she reminded herself but she still began to shake. Even if he had written an addendum to the letter, he'd heavily considered leaving. And he wasn't just leaving her, but the hospital with his challenging career, the town that celebrated him like a war hero, and Braeden, sweet and wonderful Braeden.

The tears flooded her face. Suddenly the car was too small for her to breathe. She had to get free. The letter fell on the floor of the car and Cameron was running. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Aunt Virginia's all-knowing approval. Cameron didn't care. It didn't matter that people were staring, it didn't matter that she'd left his other letter behind. It didn't matter because House had considered leaving and she hadn't been there to stop him if he had. Faster and faster she ran past the diner, the florist, the mechanics, the supermarket, over the bridge, past the park and the duck pond. Dogs barked, people waived, but Cameron saw none of these things. The restaurant came into view and she saw him carrying two sheets of lumber. He saw her and the shock was evident. Faster she ran and became so intent upon her goal that she didn't see the cement parking divider. One minute she was running smoothly and then next she was rolling across the asphalt. The skin on her knees, arms, and hands began to tear into gashes. House dropped the boards and did all he could to run to her ignoring his own pain. Gently he grabbed around the waist and carefully set her on her feet.

"Al what—"

The tears were all anger, adrenaline, and fear. She balled her hands into fists and slammed them in his chest.

"How can you stand there and act calmly knowing you had every intention of leaving? Are you crazy?"

"I take it you got through round one on the letters."

"Don't screw with me, House! You've been arrogant and self-centered, and yes even cruel but where does self-loathing enter into the picture? How can you do this to the people who have stood by you, defended you, and cared about you? And what about Braeden? You would just hand him off to Dan and Ruth to appease yourself? Does it occur to you that Braeden loves you more than anyone in this world? That he would even go near any man after what his father tried to do to him? Throw a dart at a map and disappear? You're not heroic. You're a coward! I fell in love with a coward! I hate you because even with all of this I couldn't hate you or forget about you. Why House? Tell me why."

House stood there watching Cameron fall apart. The blood was dripping on the ground red and angry but she didn't seem to notice. His walls were falling one by one but he couldn't move. He knew what the second letter contained and he knew the answers it would bring or so he thought. Watching her now however, he realized that he'd damaged her through and through. What was worse, he knew that leaving her would destroy her not help her. And now he had stop the bleeding at all costs. The cuts were minor compared to the heart failure he felt watching her defend him.

"Cameron." He said firmly enough to make her stop and look up at him.

She gulped in a deep breath and clenched her hands tightly around her biceps as if protecting her broken heart. This was it, the calm and the storm.