Chapter XXV

Mira's POV

Mira had agreed to the Doctor's plan. It was indeed counterproductive to tell them about the plant and its plans with the rocket at this point in time. They would only storm down there – or at least, try doing so, and eventually some of them might be able to get close to this thing. There had always been a certain percentage of humans who proved to be more resistant against psychic powers. At least where she came from. They would have killed that poor thing – Mira wasn't convinced that it really was simply hostile, it seemed to do just what it had always done: Ensure its survival and that of its children. Above all, it was a plant. Even though she had been in its mind, she didn't really understand it and its motivations. It was just too foreign to grasp it in such a short time. But, despite what she had told the Doctor, she had very well noticed how the plant had made her body ruffle his hair. And what gorgeous hair he had. Thick, silky and soft.

It had only been because she needed to give the plant a bit control over her mind and body, so that the Doctor could talk to it. Plus, she had actually been in the plant herself, to find out more about its plans. Well, it was a bit less than ideal that the plant had told him about how attached she was to him, because it obviously had gotten a glimpse of her feelings, but well, no need to cry over spilled milk. Doesn't mean she would throw herself at him at the next opportunity.

If it had been an ideal world, maybe. If she would have met him in her universe, if she had something of a private life every now and then, then she would have considered it. Maybe. If her heart hadn't been broken so many times before. If she didn't know exactly that she would lose him sooner or later, because no matter how old he could get, he wasn't immortal. That didn't just happen naturally, so even if he would live for ten-thousand more years, he was still mortal.
Apart from that, she didn't really know him. Sometimes he seemed to be incredibly familiar, and at other times he was so alien to her as hardly anyone had ever been before. And she had met a lot of alien species. Even the two relationships in her life – long term relationships that actually deserved to be called that – had been with aliens.

Hell, when did I go from 'Not possible' to seriously thinking about it?

She looked over to him. They were walking across the launch side, along the street where they had driven the rocket launch pad to its destination a few month earlier, as the Doctor had told her. He was looking over to the rocket, which was lit by countless floodlights. Besides that, the night was pretty dark and she lowered her head again to watch the ground and not trip over something. Rose had stayed back at Control Center. They couldn't convince them to put everything in the Firing Room back together, nor that they found the source of the energy loss and they shouldn't worry. Maybe due to the fact that right as the Doctor was babbling about some explanations the lights went dark again for almost five minutes. So they had left Rose there to do some damage control in case they were discovered. After making sure of that, despite Rose protesting, they had been on their way as soon as it had gotten dark.

The main plan was to get the seeds and undo whatever the plant had done to the rocket to strengthen their bargaining position. And prevent it from blowing up, of course. Meaning they had one night to search a rocket that was about three-hundred and sixty-three feet in height, plus looking for a detonator that might be somewhere in or on the rocket, on the launch tower, in the Control Center, or somewhere completely different.

"Ah, dammit!" She swiped at a gnat that just bit her in the arm. These bloody things where practically eating her since they had left the Control Center. They had driven the first part of the way by car – the Doctor had 'borrowed' a rather nice nineteen-sixty-seven Chevrolet Impala that had been parked in front of the building - but decided to walk the last part, to minimize the risk of discovery.

"What? Another mosquito? If you go on like this you'll wipe out the whole population here."

"Shut it. Right now I'm their natural enemy. If they want to survive they simply have to stop biting me. Apart from that, they're eating me, not you. All of them."

"Nah, can't get through my skin. Plus, they can't feed on my blood. Too different."

"Yeah, good for you!"

He looked at her as if he wanted to say something more, but instead of doing so he turned his head to the rocket again. At least that was what it looked like to her in the dark of the night. It was new moon, so she could hardly see anything.

"So, that'll be the sixties, hm?"

She narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out what that was supposed to mean. Small talk? Him? He babbled a lot, but normally about technical stuff or something like that. And babbling didn't equal small talk. "Yeah?" she said cautiously.

"Where have you been back in your world when they flew to the moon?"

She rolled her eyes. "At home."

"Where was that?"

She stopped, and, after two or three more steps, so did he before turning around to look at her.

"You just can't let go of it, can you?"

"What? I only asked where you were. At least it was your father in this rocket, and a bit later they pretty much thought he was a renegade. Just wonder what had happened to you then."

"What? Well, at least not what you're apparently thinking right now. You're completely on the wrong track. Besides, had it ever occurred to you, that maybe I don't want to talk about it? Not now, not to you nor anyone else?" She tried to figure out the expression on his face, but it was way too dark.

"Actually, it did occur to me, yes."

"So?"

"I was just thinking that maybe talking about it might help. You've been a bit on edge since we're here. And you know you can trust me, don't you?" he answered, again all innocent, whilst rubbing his neck.

She just blinked at him in disbelief. "It might help?"

Seriously?

"You honestly think talking about things that can't be changed will make them any better? Despite I made it dammed clear that I won't talk about them? And this is so not about trust." She shook her head, and before she could help herself, she continued, "I can't believe it. It might help. Just as talking about your life helps you?" Oops. She didn't mean to speak out the last sentence, but there it was.

Doctor's POV

"What?" The Doctor looked at her bewildered. Although it was quite dark, he could still see enough to make out the slightly shocked expression on her face. The light of the stars was enough for him.

"Nothing. Forget it," she said and crossed her arms after she had waved at another gnat that went for her ear.

"No, I'm not forgetting it. What did you mean?" He was still studying her face. In spite of knowing that a counter-attack like that was a rather common defence-mechanism not only throughout human behaviour but also a lot of other species, he almost felt anger rising in him. What did she know about him to make such statements? He honestly just wanted to help her.

"You're not much better either when it comes to avoiding certain topics, that's what I mean."

"What?"

"Oh come on. You did it. Twice. Once back in Pete's world, in the TARDIS as I was asking about your people, and just recently your sudden and almost inappropriate change of topic. I admit, maybe I'm wrong regarding the second time, but surely not when it comes to the first time."

"Mira, don't go there," he said quietly.

"No? See what I mean? Nothing you want to talk about. So I respected that and didn't bother you any further. Okay, maybe I did go a bit too far in the TARDIS, but I wasn't constantly rubbing it in after that. You surely have your reasons why you won't talk about it. Is it too much to ask for you to just do the same?"

"You´re accusing me of being disrespectful?" That was a hit. One could accuse him of a lot of things, but surely not of disrespect. Maybe he was a bit impudent from time to time, but that didn't change anything about the basic respect he felt towards every living being. And surely he respected her.

"I don't know. How could I? Maybe it's just the way you are. Maybe I should bother you as much as you bother me, but, unfortunately, in this case I can't read your emotions, not to speak of reading your mind. And besides, talking about trust: I may not be an expert on that subject, but I always thought of it as a mutual thing. So I'm supposed to trust you, but obviously I have no idea if you trust me, for you keep everything to yourself." She shot him an angry look and then walked pass him. He looked after her. Did it really seem like that to others? Did he seem like that? None of his friends and companions had ever found such clear words. Well, they had been close, but not after such a short time. And somehow he had the feeling that she hadn't said everything yet. That there was more she knew about him, by just observing him for these few weeks. She hadn't been in his head, had she? Not really, not like he had been in her's.

All right, maybe he had forgotten about the fact that she was so old for a moment. She must have known so many people, alien and human alike, probably there was hardly anyone who could actually fool her. She clearly wasn't like Rose or anyone else of Rose's age. Besides, Rose had backed off after she had asked him where he came from. Back then, as they had watched the last days of Earth. Mira on the other hand didn't seem to be the kind for backing off at all.

He struggled with himself for a moment. He had told Rose, but no one else. He wanted to leave it that way, so that sometimes he could just pretend... On the other hand, she had pretty much figured it out on her own. Besides, he had the distinct feeling that if he remained silent now, something between them would break before it had even begun. Something that couldn't be fixed so easily. And he didn't want that.

"You were right," he finally called after her. "It was a war." She turned around to face him again.

"A mighty race, the Daleks, attacked us. They tried to wipe us out. And, just like you said about the attack on your world: We lost. Everyone lost. But unlike you, we didn't recover. They're all dead. Everything is gone. My people, my family, my friends, my.. my homeworld, everything." He looked at her, almost feeling as defeated as he had felt back then.

And it's my fault. I made it happen.

He couldn't tell her that. She would hate and despise him. There wasn't any other way for her or anyone else to see it. But it had been the only thing for him to do. There hadn't been any other choice. And he was paying the price for it now, every waking second. It even haunted him in his sleep.

She walked the few steps back to him.

"But how? I mean, you have space-travel. How could everybody be dead? Didn't you have colonies in space?"

"No. That... That just wasn't our way. They're all gone. I'm the only one left."

"How can you know? The universe is so huge, maybe some got away, just like you did?"

He looked at her. It was not that she disbelieved him, she just wanted to cling to something to give him hope, he realised.

"No, there is no one. I would feel it," he said and tapped at his head.

"Oh my god," she whispered as it obviously dawned on her. "You really are a telepathic species. You were all linked, and now..."

"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking and feeling tears in his eyes. Earlier on he sometimes had wished that he couldn't always feel them in his head, but he hadn't known it any differently. To him it was as natural as seeing must be to humans. And now he actually was alone in his head, apart from the TARDIS. Reminding him that they really were gone, and he wasn't just away from Gallifrey as he had been earlier. There was no place he could return to. He ran away from there, avoided it for so long, and now he wished nothing more than to return to this old planet. He lowered his gaze, because he couldn't stand the compassion he saw in Mira's eyes. He didn't deserve it.

He was about to shove his hands in his pocket, but she took them before he could do so, gently interlacing her fingers with his. He stared at her in utter surprise, whilst feeling the warmth of her soft, fragile, human skin. It was a gesture so spontaneous and so full of affection, it was almost intimate. Completely different from how all the previous hugging and holding hands with her had felt.

"I...," she started as if struggling for words, looking him straight in the eyes, "I.. I really don't say this often, but I'm so sorry. Honestly, I don't know what else to say, but..."

"It's fine," he said and freed his hands so that he could hug her. She returned it and he whispered into her ear, "I know." In a way she was as lonely here in this universe as he was. After a moment they let go of each other and walked on in silence. There was no need for any more words.

Apart from bringing back all the pain, he had to admit that it really was good to talk about it, to share it, and not to be left all alone with it. Or it would be, if it hadn't been all his fault. So it almost felt as if he had betrayed her. He still believed that she wouldn't understand if he told her the whole truth. How could she? How could anyone?

Mira's POV

She walked at his side in silence for some time. So, it had been as she had expected it. What she hadn't been aware of was how it must have felt to be part of a telepathic species. Feeling the others all the time, as he'd just claimed. And now it was all gone. It must be horrible. She could hardly imagine it, and she felt so sorry for him that her heart was aching.

She had to think about her old friend Gucky. Not that he had been linked to his people like that, but his homeworld also had been destroyed, leaving him all alone. He had found a new home on Earth, and basically he was at terms with that, but sometimes he still felt the loneliness of being the last of his kind. Well, not entirely the last one, there had been a handful others who had survived, but they were dead now. He was one of the immortals. Not because he was the last one, but because of his incredible psychic powers.

So, now he had told her, and it clearly hadn't been easy for him. Meaning that it was her turn now? Not that he had asked again, and she wouldn't talk just to get even, but she had a feeling that he deserved it. Saying nothing right now would have been the perfect way out of all this mess she'd gotten herself into, though. Somehow she knew he would take it rather seriously if she didn't return his trust now. Most likely he wouldn't get angry. Worse, it would hurt him. But did she trust him? She looked at him from the side. She couldn't tell. It was as she had said to him earlier. Trust was something she didn't really need. It had been hard enough for her to learn that she actually had to talk about her feelings, because the others around her weren't empathic. There had been a time when she hadn't been aware of that. When she hadn't known that it was her who was different. She just had assumed that the others knew as she did, but didn't really care about it.

Oh hell...

She couldn't even say what it was about him that made her throw all of her intentions out of the window. Again.

"I hadn't been with my father at this time," she started. "I didn't even know him then. I mean, in person. So no, nothing happened to me in nineteen-seventy-one. It was almost a year later."

He just looked at her, obviously waiting for her to continue.

"Missing years, you remember? Some of them were from nineteen-seventy-two on. Four-hundred and fourteen years, exactly. From one moment to the next I ended up in the central control room of one of our battleships, surrounded by two of the people who had landed on the moon not only a year ago and some aliens. And a nice few into deep space on the main screen. It was the STARDUST VI. Not that it really matters." She hit again after a gnat and crossed her arms. "Funny thing is, now four-hundred years doesn't seem that long. But back then... It was an eternity. Like another universe. I mean, I was always a bit into all those things, like time travel, aliens... Even before there was prove that we weren't the only ones in the universe. But suddenly being four-hundred years in my own future, with everybody I've ever known dead for centuries... My parents, my brother, my friends..."

"You had your father," he said and laid his arm around her shoulder. Right then she realised she was shivering despite the warm temperatures. It still were around twenty-five degrees Celsius, plus the concrete they were walking on was still radiating the heat of the day.

"Yeah. First, I didn't know for about half a year that he was my father. Second, when I found out, well... Things didn't go that well."

"And there it sounded as you liked him..."

"I do, now. But he has a talent of messing things up when it comes to his offspring. He didn't know anything about me, not how I grew up, who my parents were, nothing. At least he remembered the one-night-stand with my mother. Didn't really surprise me, she had always been a bit off to the side in her marriage. Would have never guessed that, however. Anyway, he didn't dare tell me for quite a while. Basically he thought I wasn't able to deal with it at that time. Thought there had been enough for me to handle already. But mostly he was just afraid how I would react, that I might turn against him. He might have been old back then, and has dealt with so many things, but he was still only human. I found out, and things got worse. He was the Head of the Solar Empire, I was.. well, a hippie, an idealistic pacifist, despising politics, military and everything remotely connected with it."

"Quite a few things to deal with, hm?" he said and gently brushed with his hand over her upper arm. She gave him a questioning look. "Mosquito," he said. "But things worked out, didn't they? How old were you back then? Eighteen? How did you deal with it?"

"Deal with it? I didn't. I somehow got through it, but I've never dealt with it, I'm afraid. I hoped for quite a while that there would be some way back. I mean, I made it into the future, why wouldn't it possible to go back? Even if it would have only been for a short while. To say goodbye to everyone. Tell them not to worry. For them it must have seemed as if I had fallen off the planet. I don't know what was worse, missing them and knowing that they were dead for all this time now, or the knowledge how much pain I might have caused them. Anyway. I was a mess back then. Nothing mattered any more, not what I had done so far, not the people around me, not what the future might bring, not even my own life. Who could have told me where I would end up next? For me, there was no guarantee that I really would stay in this time, knowing now that it was so easy to end up somewhere else. If you can't rely on the progression of time, on what then? That's the basic thing to place your trust in, at least when you're human. Everything had become... irrelevant. Somehow I got through it, but ...Anyway, I have no intention to bring it all back again. That's why I avoid talking about it, why I hadn´t wanted to return here, and certainly not now of all times, now that..."

Everything is repeating itself.

She bit her lip instead of finishing that sentence. She had been so young back then. No comparison to who she was now. He pulled her closer to him, stroking over her upper arm. This time there were no gnats. She let it happen, even leaned her head against his shoulder. Right now she felt she was in free fall, and she really needed someone to hang on to.

"How did that happen anyway? Doesn't sound like accidentally falling through time."

"No. Have I ever mentioned It?"

"What?" he asked, a bit puzzled. "You have to be a bit more precise than just asking for it..."

"It. That's what he calls himself. Or, itself. It's not him, not really. I don't know if something like this exists in your universe, but in mine it's the next step in evolution for some species. It basically is the mental essence of a whole species. They'd given up their physical existence. It appears to be an old man, at least to others. I never understood it, to me It looks... weird. Like its face is changing constantly, somehow blurry. Don't know, it's hard to describe."

"There's nothing like that in this universe," he said after thinking for a moment.

"Well, that's good I guess. I really hold a grudge against him, sort of." That wasn't entirely true. Basically, she knew that It was a friend of humanity, even though they were basically an auxiliary for him. But that's just how things were in her world. Doesn't change that It's sense of humour just wasn't to her taste.

"But I have told you about these Entities where these things come from?" she said and tugged at the egg-shaped pendant.

"Yeah."

"There are exactly three of them which are calibrated. Mine, my father's and Atlan's. It had happened billions of years before we were even born. It was the task of It to finally find us. And It did. Obviously, It can also travel in time. One day he walked up to me, it was the 23th of March in seventy-two, took me by the hand, mumbled something about finally finding me, and well. The rest I've just told you."

"But why? Would have been easier to just get you to your father in this year?"

"Yeah, don't ask me. It later told me something about timelines, and that this was the only way, blah blah blah. Well, I told it where it can shove its timelines. In detail. Several times, actually."

"You did what?"

"Told him what I thought about all this. In a very colourful way. It thought it was hilarious. I was almost afraid that it would laugh itself to death."

"So, how are these Entities and this... It connected then? And what do they want with you?"

"Oh dear, that's a long story. A lot of wibbly wobbly universe- stuff."

"Really? Only wibbly wobbly stuff? No timey-wimey?" he grinned at her.

"A bit of that as well. Seriously, it is a long story. Maybe some other time, if you're interested."

Meanwhile they had reached the rocket. They were still staying in the dark, keeping away from any surveillance cameras.

"Could be a long night," she said, as she looked at the rocket. It really was huge. Not to mention the launch pad and the launch tower.

Booklover0608: Thank you for giving it a try and I´m glad you seem to like it. Liebe Grüße aus dem Norden :-)

Lucifae, bored411 and 10th Squad 3rd seat: As always thanks for reviewing it!

Special thanks to Lady Shagging Godiva for beta-reading this Chapter. I have already corrected it. :-)