Chapter 25

Sunlight peeking through the curtains slowly roused Emily from her sleep. She opened her eyes and glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table, just after nine am. She yawned as she rolled over and was disappointed to see she was alone. Emily listened for a moment but the house was quiet. After the restless night they'd both had she was hoping to talk to Rachel that morning, but first she needed to figure out where she was. She began to sit up when a piece of paper slid off the blonde's pillow.

Good morning beautiful! You were out like a light so I couldn't bring myself to wake you. I'm running over to that bakery you love so much to get us breakfast. I'll be back soon. Love, Rachel

Emily smiled at the little heart that was drawn beside Rachel's name, something the blonde often did when she left her little notes. To some it may seem childish but Emily loved it. Climbing from bed she pulled on the blue sweater Rachel had given her for Christmas, jeans, and her hair into a ponytail. She started sorting their laundry but her mind was on the blonde. She was still concerned about what was bothering her so much. The most disturbing part was Rachel's pleas in her sleep for Emily not to leave her. Emily shook her head as she thought about it, she couldn't imagine not being with Rachel let alone willingly leaving her.

Hearing a car pull into the driveway Emily peeked out the window before quickly making her way downstairs. She opened her front door, Agent Hammond and Lt. Murphy standing on the other side. Her eyes were wide and her voice shaky "What happened?"

Emily sat on her sofa staring at the picture of Liam Connors in her hand. "So this is what he looks like." She sighed and glanced at the two men sitting opposite her "Every time a stranger glanced at me, I thought 'has he found me? Is he going to kill me?'" she shook her head "And now I know." She had listened as both men explained the events over the last few days and weeks leading up to Connors arrest.

Emily was quiet for moment before they began discussing the case again and how they have arrived at her door. Murphy apologizes, explaining he didn't have a choice. Emily understands and tells him so. She was a prosecutor she knows he can't commit perjury.

Murphy leaned forward a bit in his chair "I'm only sorry the bastard won't have to answer for what he did to you."

Emily shook her head slightly "Oh he will. I want him charged with my attempted murder."

Hammond tilted his head, his expression serious "Now, you'd have to go back to testify. That's stepping right into their crosshairs."

"For years I convinced victims to face their attackers. Now it's time for me to step up." the fight, the prosecutor, making its way to the surface.

Both men do their best to dissuade her, try to convince her she doesn't need to testify. Even though she hasn't argued a case in over a year she argues right back, making her case as to why she would have to. Trying to convince them if she doesn't they'll lose their case.

"No," Hammond said with a shake of his head "We still have Connors on four counts of murder."

Emily's eyes go wide "Because an eight-year-old boy had the guts to testify. After being shot, twice!"

Murphy nods. He can tell the Alex he remembers is gearing up for a fight. "Alex, if you go back, they will try and kill you again."

The brunette sighs, struggling not to cry. While she doesn't know how to explain it to Rachel she wished desperately her girlfriend was with her at the moment. She took a deep breath before speaking "I have lost my home, my job, my friends. My Mother died and I couldn't go to the funeral." Her voice cracking a bit now "Liam Connors is not going to take my conscience too!"

Hammond and Murphy looked to one another. They knew before they arrived they were in for a fight and she had given them one. "Okay, since you seem so hell bent on doing this I guess we need to make some arrangements." Hammond said with a sigh.

Murphy gave him a look that clearly told him to take it easy. "Yes arrangements will need to be made but her safety is first and foremost."

It was almost an afterthought for Emily. "What about Kelli, my Marshal?"

"I've already been in contact with her." Hammond said. "She would've been with us but she was unavailable to meet us due to another case. She is traveling here sometime later today."

She nodded "When do I have to leave?" her mind was now racing with everything she needed to do. And at the top of that list was tell Rachel, she had no idea how to go about it.

"As soon as possible." Hammond said very matter of fact.

"I have things I have to take care of first." Emily said.

"We have a flight out this evening and you're gonna be on it."

Emily sat up straighter "No, like I said I have things here I have to take care of."

Once again it was Murphy taking her side. He held his hand up and turned to face Hammond "We can bump our flight to tomorrow. We're waiting on the Marshal handling her case anyway." He looked back to the brunette "And don't worry about safety. The Marshal Service has already been in contact with the local police and they will be providing a security detail until they are able to get someone from the Marshal Service here later this afternoon."

Now Emily's mind was racing. Between the mentions of a security detail and a flight back she couldn't think straight. Her mind was a jumbled mess but the one thing that kept coming back was Rachel. 'How am I going to tell her? How do I explain this? Where do I begin? What if she doesn't believe me? What am I going to do?' She looked to Murphy "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she stood and motioned for him to follow, the look on her face clearly telling Hammond to stay where he was.

Murphy followed her through to the laundry room in the back of the house. Once alone he gave her a sympathetic smile "How are you holding up?"

She breathed deeply and returned his smile "I can't even think straight at the moment so I'm not really sure." She placed a hand on his arm "Thank you for backing me up in there."

Murphy nodded "You're welcome." He waited a beat then spoke again "You said there are things you need to take care of. Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head "It's something I have to do myself, thank you though."

He looked at her for a moment before giving her a knowing smile "There's someone, isn't there?"

Emily chuckled "We've been together over a year. I have to tell her. I can't just up and disappear on her."

"I understand."

Emily shook her head but smiled in appreciation. She hadn't worked with the Lieutenant very long before going into the program but they had hit it off well. She had missed his kind and quiet way of doing things, that underlying Irish accent that made his voice so calming. "As much as I hate to say this you guys are gonna have to leave." She grinned at his mock look of hurt "She ran out to get us breakfast and I'd say she'll be back pretty soon."

He handed her his card with his cell number "There is already a protective detail in an unmarked car watching this place, but if you need me just call. I don't care what it's for just call and I'll be here in a heartbeat."

"Thank you so much." She said before giving him a friendly hug.

Emily escorted them to the door and took an opportunity to look up and down the street. Murphy knew what she was doing and gave her a reassuring smile "Don't worry, they're out here keeping an eye on you."

"I believe you."

After closing and locking her door Emily took a seat and allowed a few tears to escape. How had this happened? Everything was going along great and now this. She glanced at one of the boxes sitting in the corner that she had packed the evening before. In less than two weeks she was to be moving in with Rachel and now…well now she didn't know. Now a different fear was creeping in. How was she going to tell the blonde and more importantly were they still going to be together in two weeks? Hearing a car door shut outside caused her to jump. She cautiously walked over to the window and peeked out. Her heart began to pound when she saw Rachel walking up to the door. Emily began pacing back and forth while trying to steady her breathing, pulling on every prosecutorial skill she had to get through what she needed to say. How do you tell someone that everything they know about you is a lie…except for your love?

"So I got fresh croissants and they had homemade jams. I got strawberry for me and grape for you because you're weird and think grape jam and jelly is good." She said with a chuckle. "They also had peach pie so I got each of us a piece for later." She sat the bag on the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. When she turned back around she noticed Emily still standing in the same spot in the living room. "What's the matter?"

Emily looked to the ceiling and took a deep breath "We need to talk."

Rachel walked in and stood in front of the brunette. Her heart was pounding as she wondered if Emily had actually heard her middle of the night confession. She had run out to the bakery that morning for breakfast in an attempt to calm her nerves, and had every intention of telling Emily the truth when she returned. She took Emily's hands in her own and could feel them shaking. She gave them a gentle squeeze "Baby, what's wrong?"

Emily pulled her over to the couch and sat down, turning to face one another. She kept hold of Rachel's hands willing them to stop shaking. She looked the blonde in the eye and saw worry and concern there, and a little fear. She squeezed her eyes closed to hold off the tears and blew out a shaky breath before beginning. "Um…I don't really know where to begin. Uh, I just…I just ask that you let me finish before you say anything."

Rachel reached out and lightly cupped Emily's cheek, smiling and hoping her own nerves weren't showing "Okay."

"Okay, so…you know how I told you about how I was shot?" Rachel nodded "Well, the story I told you isn't exactly the truth. I was shot in a drive by on a sidewalk in New York City." She watched as Rachel's eyes went wide. Emily felt tears gathering in her eyes but she was doing her best to keep them in. She also felt as if she was about to be sick but hoped she could at least get through her confession first. "My name is Alexandra Cabot and after I was shot I was declared dead, legally and entered the Witness Protection Program." She saw Rachel's jaw drop and decided to push on before the blonde was able to speak. "I was an Assistant District Attorney for the city and we ended up getting a case that led back to a very well connected drug dealer. Long story short he was connected to a Colombian cartel leader. One of the DEA agents who were investigating him died in a car bomb, I was there when it happened. I was at his office because earlier that day there was a hit put out on me." now the tears were beginning to fall. She smiled a bit when she felt Rachel's shaking hand gently wipe one away. "The next day we handed our case over to the Feds. That evening I went out for drinks with a few detectives from the squad I prosecuted for. After leaving the three of us were standing outside talking when an SUV drove by." More tears and her voice was now shaking "I heard a pop and the next thing I knew I was laying on the sidewalk, my shoulder feeling like it was on fire."

She stopped for a minute to catch her breath, closing her eyes and willing the tears to stop but now that they'd started she didn't think she could. "Nick was um…he was pressing his hand on my shoulder trying to stop the bleeding." She saw a flicker of recognition in Rachel's eyes from the story she'd originally told. "When I woke from surgery there was a Marshal in my room and the next thing I knew I was 'dead' and well…you know the rest."

The silence in the room was palpable. Both women were still holding hands-hands that were still shaking, if not more so. Emily watched her girlfriend for any reaction but couldn't get a read on what she was thinking. She was almost always able to know what the blonde was thinking but right now she had no clue what Rachel was thinking.

Rachel was trying to figure out what to say but she couldn't find the words. Emily was in the same boat she was. What were the odds of two people in the program meeting let alone falling in love? She opened and closed her mouth a couple times but still couldn't speak, barely able to form a thought. "I…I…"

Emily wiped her tears and decided to continue "I'm so sorry for not telling you before now but I couldn't. If they found out I had told anyone I would've been pulled immediately. I couldn't bear to lose you so I didn't say anything." She squeezed Rachel's hands "You have to believe me. I wanted to tell you, I came so close a few times but then I thought of being whisked away from you with no goodbye and I couldn't do it. I love you so much and can't stand the thought of not being with you."

Rachel felt as if she couldn't breathe at what she was hearing. "Why?"

Emily was now trying to wipe the tears that wouldn't stop. She was sure she knew what the blonde was asking "While you were gone I had a visit from one of the DEA agents who was on the case as well as the lieutenant from my squad. They found the man who shot me, he's under arrest for four other murders. They came to tell me and…well it's a long story but they have to tell the court I'm still alive. I also told them I want him charged with my attempted murder. I'm gonna have to go back to New York to testify."

Rachel felt her stomach drop. She knew full well what kind of danger the brunette would be in. Her cop instincts kicked in and she looked to the door, trying to remember if it had locked after coming in. She wished she had a gun at the moment in order to protect her girlfriend if need be.

Seeing Rachel's eyes flick around the room Emily pulled her attention back "We're safe. They arranged a protective detail for me until the Marshal handling my case can get here later this evening." She waited a moment and was becoming worried when her girlfriend still hadn't spoken.

"When do you have to go back to New York?"

"Uh…I don't know. Tomorrow maybe?" her mind was still racing so she couldn't really think clearly at the moment.

Rachel was starting to worry as to what that meant for their relationship. If she had her way she would be accompanying the brunette. After knowing the situation that had put Emily in the program she didn't trust anyone to protect her girlfriend but herself.

Emily was still worried because Rachel still hadn't really said anything. "Honey, say something."

Rachel looked her in the eye and was about to speak but instead laughed briefly before covering her mouth. It was not the reaction Emily was expecting but she chalked it up to how unbelievable the story did sound.

Rachel couldn't believe what she'd just heard. What were the odds that the person she would meet and fall in love with while being in witness protection was also in the program? "Sorry for laughing." Emily nodded, implying it was okay. Rachel closed her eyes for a second as she tried to get the right words for what she needed to say. "I want to say something but all I ask is that you let me say it before you respond."

Emily had no idea where the blonde was going with this. She was expecting questions or even anger but not a calm reaction. "Okay."

The blonde blew out a shaky breath and began "Okay. My real name is Olivia Benson and I too have been hiding in Witness Protection."

Emily's eyes went wide "What?"

"I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I was a Detective with LAPD and after arresting a suspect who had gang connections a threat was made against me and I ended up getting stabbed. They knew I had survived and would try to kill me again. The Marshals wanted me to go into hiding and well…you know the rest."

Emily's eyes narrowed "That's not funny."

"What?"

"Saying you're in the program just like me."

Rachel was confused "But its true!" seeing the skeptical look she was receiving she continued "Oh what, it's a believable story when you tell it, but I have the same story and it's not believable?"

Emily sighed and looked everywhere but at the woman in front of her. She knew how unbelievable her story sounded but what were the odds of meeting someone in the same exact situation. When she finally looked at Rachel again she could see the sincerity in her eyes. She immediately regretted her reaction. "Sorry."

Rachel now relaxed a bit "It's okay."

"So why are you telling me now?" Emily asked "If they find out you told me they'll move you."

"I had a visit Monday afternoon from the Marshal handling my case. He told me that the gang and threat against me had been dealt with. I could return home when I was ready."

"So you've known since Monday?" again Rachel nodded "You've known for almost a week and didn't say anything?" her voice now changing.

Rachel could tell the mood had shifted but she thought Emily would understand "Yes."

Emily jumped from her spot on the couch and began pacing the room "So you've been lying to me?"

"What? No!" Rachel stood to face the brunette.

"Then why?"

"I…I don't know. I just didn't know what to say or how to say it and I've been trying to figure out how to tell you." she could see the anger in blue eyes "I still love you."

"And yet you lied to me." she could feel the anger in her increasing.

"I was scared to death of how you'd react! I knew how my story sounded and I was afraid you wouldn't believe me so I wanted to try and work it out in my head first. I was going to tell you today, I swear!" then starting to get angry herself she turned the tables "How is this any different? You've been in the same situation as me but you're mad because I didn't tell you until now?"

"Yes! I found out this morning that I have to go back and that's why I told you. You've known for five days. A fucking week! I thought I meant more to you than that. Do I mean so little that you can't tell me the damn truth?!"

Rachel couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had expected Emily to be upset, shocked and maybe a little angry but she hadn't anticipated a response like she was receiving. "Hold up. I love you and it's because I love you so much I was afraid I'd lose you. That's why I was so afraid to tell you. You've been lying too so don't act like it's just me."

"Yeah I've lied because I had too! I told you the moment I found out because you are the most important thing in my life. I didn't wait a week."

Both were now pacing the room like two caged lions ready to pounce. Rachel ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to calm down. She had expected Emily to be angry and maybe even a little hurt but now that she knew Emily was in the same situation she thought she would at least be a little understanding. She turned to face the blonde "Okay look, maybe I should've be honest up front but it doesn't change the fact that I love you."

"Listen to yourself. You keep saying you love me so much but yet you couldn't be honest with me!"

"Because I was terrified I'd lose you!" Rachel shouted. "Do you know how ridiculous my story sounded?"

"Yes, I do!" Emily shouted back. "I know because from the moment they left until you came back I kept going over it in my head and I knew how unbelievable it sounded. But I told you anyway! I was scared I'd lose you too but I still told you! I had been lying long enough and as afraid as I was I couldn't lie any longer." She was crying now and so was Rachel. Emily was doing her best to reign in her anger but she was having trouble doing so. "If you loved me as much as you say you do you would've told me as soon as you found out."

Rachel shook her head and grabbed Emily's hands. When the brunette jerked away it was like being stabbed all over again. "I'm sorry. Okay? I'm so sorry I didn't tell you that day. I'm sorry I whispered it to you while you were asleep last night like a coward." A look flickered in Emily's eyes but only briefly before going back to the anger that had been there. "I do love you more than anything in the world, I really do."

"Get out."

A fresh round of tears slipped down Rachel's cheeks at the words "What?"

"I said get out." It may not have been the best thing to say but at the moment Emily was so overwhelmed it was the only thing she could think to say.

"Emily don't." Rachel pleaded.

The brunette crossed her arms over her chest in a protective move "I want you out of here now." Her voice so calm it was scary. "I need to be alone right now."

Rachel knew she needed to stay and fight, she wanted to stay and fight, but she was afraid of pushing any further. How the woman in front of her could be crying while at the same time have such a calm, almost cold voice was beyond her. "Baby please. Please let's work this out."

Emily looked to the door then back to the blonde "I said get out."

Rachel hung her head as she picked up her purse and opened the door. She scanned the street and quickly noticed the unmarked car sitting a few houses down. While she didn't want her girlfriend alone right now at least there was someone watching out for her. She turned back and saw Emily staring at the floor while still crying. "Emily please!" her voice full of emotion.

While Rachel's plea went straight to her heart she couldn't give in. "You need to go."

"I love you." Rachel said and closed the door, turning the handle to make sure it had locked behind her. The fact that she hadn't heard the sentiment in return nearly killed her. She climbed into her Jeep and managed to close the door before dropping her head into her hands and breaking down.

A/N: This will be quick because I'm sure you all hate me at the moment. I own nothing but my own characters. Thank you all for the reviews of the last chapter, so glad you liked. I'm sure this wasn't what you were expecting but like I've asked before, just trust me. I'll try not to leave you hanging to long. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed!