Disclaimer: I do not own Pride and Prejudice all rights belong to Jane Austen.
Ch. 25
Lizzie couldn't believe what she heard, Lexie wasn't her real sister, wasn't her twin. She couldn't wrap her head around it, she needed to speak to her dad. While the judge was deliberating, she knew that Lexie wouldn't be coming home. Thought the judge didn't say it, he believed Lexie's story. He dad looked so heartbroken the whole car ride home, while their mom seemed happy, quietly humming.
As soon as they got home, her dad went to his study, Jane ran off to her room; looking so heartbroken and her mom went to call Grace. She was torn, she wanted to comfort Jane but she also wanted answers.
She walked up to the study, she pressed her ear against the door and she could make out her dad crying through the music. She boldly knocked, their secret knock and it seemed like several minutes passed by until the door opened slowly. Her eyes met her father's bloodshot eyes and she hugged him tightly as he closed the door and returned the hug with equal affection.
"She's gone my Lizzie Bear, she's gone and she's never coming back." He sobbed into her shoulder.
"Dad please don't cry; I'm sure there is a way we can still fix this."
"How Lizzie, didn't you hear her she doesn't care about us, she's happy. I didn't mean to hurt her Lizzie I didn't. I was just worried she was going to end up like her mom. I didn't want to lose her."
"So it's true! You cheated on mom?" Lizzie pushed him away in disbelief and he was shocked.
"Yes, it's the one thing I regret the most. She was a coworker, who knew I was married. I use to brag about Jane all the time. She seduced me Lizzie, we were celebrating one night and I drank more than I should have. She started to kiss me and I tried to reject her, but she was beautiful. I gave into my desire for her. It was only once Lizzie I swear. She told me she was on birth control, next thing I knew she was pregnant and she wanted me to leave Jane and your mom for her. She tried trapping me. But I loved your mom; I do love your mom. I told her I wouldn't leave them."
"So how did you end up with Lexie and why did you tell us we were twins?" She asked falling to the couch.
"The day I found out she was pregnant I told your mom everything and she forgave me. When I went back to work she was gone. Next thing we knew you were coming along. You saved us. I didn't hear anything from her, until she left Lexie at our door in the middle of the night. She was born two days after you, and then she started asking me for money. She had evidence and she would have told the company, I would have been fired. So we moved and decided it would be better to tell everyone that you were twins, as not to embarrass the family. For a whole year I sent her money and then I got a-letter from her. I did not know it would be her last. She told me that she was going to take her own life." He sighed. "I went to her funeral and no one in her family knew about Lexie, she was missing the months she was pregnant and I overheard people saying that it wasn't her first attempt at suicide, she was really depressed."
"Wow how horrible, poor Lexie! Does she know?"
"No." He wanted to say yes, he could have. He lied about everything else, why couldn't he lie about that?
"But what about the schools and teachers, what about her birth certificate? Wouldn't they have said something to us, about our birthdays?"
"We adopted Lexie, your mom and me together. We told your teachers that we adopted Lexie, but you believed you were twins. When she transferred schools, we told each teacher the same. We didn't want her to feel different or left out. Imagine how someone like Lexie would have handled finding out her mom didn't want her, so she abandoned her. That's what I'm worried about, that she'll hurt herself knowing the truth." He said as more tears came to his eyes.
"Your right, dad. Please don't cry! I've never seen you cry. Everything will be ok." She hugged him.
A big part of him was devastated; on one hand, he lost Ashley all over again and the other, Lexie was going to be his meal ticket. He was going to use her to make sure she was always dependent on him. Now she was gone and all the hard work he put into her was wasted. He should have listened to Rose and let her raise the girl.
After making sure her dad was ok, she made her way to Jane's room. She tired turning the handle, but it was locked. She knocked on the door and called to her, letting her know it was her and not their mom. Jane yelled that she wanted to be left alone and she was shocked and hurt. Jane always welcomed her in, they always spoke, they shared just about everything. She just needs time, she chided herself.
She walked into her room and looked around, slumping down on the bed as she stared at Lexie's side of the room. She started to image how it was going to look with all of her things gone, it wasn't a huge room, but it would make a huge difference. Nothing would be left to remind her that Lexie ever lived with them or a part of their lives. Lizzie knew she would take everything. All they would have are photos, videos, and memories.
She began looking at each of the photos for the last time and thought of what Lexie said happened. Lexie treasured each one she hung on the wall. She remembered a time when she accidently broke a frame and replaced it with a similar one. Somehow Lexie noticed though she never said anything. She would just stare at it, as if it didn't belong and eventually she took it down and replaced the picture.
She wanted to believe Lexie didn't hurt herself, but it went against everything she knew about Lexie and about her dad. Lexie was depressed, never smiled, was very quiet, and was a snob; she thought she was better than them and her dad was loving, caring, and was always there for her. Her blood boiled at Lexie's declaration that she would feel nothing leaving and her father crying. Her father was not a bad man; he didn't deserve the heartache Lexie caused him. He took Lexie in and gave her whore mother money even though he was already going to raise Lexie; feed her and shelter her. What kind of a mother was she?
Lexie should be grateful; they never did anything to her. So what Lexie got punished? She must have deserved it, her dad did say she was always trying to hurt herself and it must have worked if she stopped. Mr. Hurst said Lexie couldn't sit at times; he was a liar. Lexie never should signs that she was hurt. She must have faked it. How could she say that her parents neglected her? Sure their mom was a little silly, but she was a good mom. How could she say that about their dad? Their dad was always supportive of Lexie and made sure she practiced, studied and did her homework.
Looking around the room she realized that she would finally have a room all to herself. She started to think about how she was going to change it once her stuff was gone. Maybe she would put in a couch and TV.
Lexie remained in John's arms once Mr. Hurst and Sawyer left. Anne, Hurst and Dr. Stone moved over to the booth and waited for her to say something. She just sat there for a while, trying to process everything, organize it in matters of importance at the moment and focus. Eventually she turned to them and told them what happened. She asked Dr. Stone if it would be possible to meet later today; she needed to get her things as soon as possible. Dr. Stone understood and left to her office to get some work done.
Next she needed to find a way to move her things and Aries. She wasn't going to leave him there and she knew she needed to speak to James. Just thinking about it almost overwhelmed her; she was terrified of being left alone with him, even if it wasn't long. John pulled her out of her thoughts, telling her that they have already taken care of everything.
John called to get a UHAL truck and even found a place for Aries to stay until she found something more permanent. She felt a pull on her heart, they really cared about her and she wished she could somehow repay them but she couldn't think about it now. She was happy and sad, excited and worried, relieved and stressed out. It was a whirlwind of emotions and her brain and heart were in a constant battle for dominance, but her mind was stronger.
As Lexie and John pulled up to the road, leading to the house, she took in everything knowing it would be the last time she would possibly see it. Hurst and Anne pulled up beside them and she got her ring and took it off the key ring. She rang the doorbell and waited, Rose answered the door with a smile but it faded as soon as she saw Lexie.
"What are you doing here?" She sneered.
"I came to get my things." She simply replied.
Rose gave her a curt nod and moved aside to let them enter. She offered everyone but her a drink, which they all declined. They followed her to her old room, where she knocked and waited instead of just entering. Lizzie opened the door confused and then a look of annoyance crossed her face. Lizzie stepped aside to let them in and she left the room, going to Jane's to see if she was ready to talk.
Jane opened the door and saw Lexie and her friends carrying boxes into the room. She closed the door and hoped that Lexie would come say goodbye before she left, she wanted to keep in touch.
As John entered the room, he couldn't help but look around and take in her side of the room. He noticed that Anne and Hurst were also taking everything in and it hit him that they had never been here either, they had never seen this part of Lexie.
Lexie didn't know where to start or how she was going to be able to do anything. She felt herself start to crumble as she stared sadly at her hands.
"John start taking down the frames, Hurst start assembling the boxes, Lexie and I will pack her belongings." Anne commanded once she noticed Lexie's lost look.
They didn't speak much as they quickly worked, they wanted to finish and get Lexie out of there. Once everything was in the truck, including her furniture, they began working on her trophies.
Though they didn't have any sentimental value to them, she gave into her dark side and took them away from him. She knew how much James loved to brag about her accomplishments. This would hurt him and logically why would he want them if she was no longer part of his family. It would be ridiculous to brag about her. But the fact that she took them from him would make him suffer. She smiled as she told Anne to just toss them in the box. If only he could see.
Once finished, she asked Hurst to go with her to speak to him. John looked hurt, but just looked away. Hurst was more than happy to go with her, as John and Anne waited anxiously in the living room while Rose spoke to them.
Hurst knocked on the door, they waited but he didn't answer. Hearing him move around, he knocked with more force and James answered quickly.
When he saw Lexie, he averted his gaze and allowed her to enter. He began closing the door on Hurst but Hurst took a step forward.
"I know that my mother left me two things and I want to speak to you. But if you will not allow him in, I will leave." She stated.
James nodded reluctantly agreeing and went to sit at his desk.
"How did you find out about the money and album?" He said gravely.
"There was a man at the hearing; he knew my mother and he told me."
"What did he tell you?"
"That my mother wrote in her journal about me and that she put all the money you sent her into a savings account. She also mentioned that she sent an album. May I please have it and my birth certificate now along with my social security card?"
His nostrils flared and a dark look came into his eyes, he tried staring her down but she kept her chin up. He noticed Hurst in his peripheral, who was already sitting protectively next to her, sit taller and flex his muscles, ready to attack. Sighing he took out a key that was taped under the drawer. He went to his bookshelf and pulled out several books from one of the shelves, revealing a safe against the wall. He pulled out several files and an album. He handed her the album and Hurst reached for it. Looking through the files he found what he was looking for and smiled to himself. Handing her the documents, he stared into her eyes but he saw no emotion but she was looking at him, searching for something, this time she grabbed them but she winced. He looked down and got a better view of her hands.
"Do you have any questions?" He asked.
"Did you love her?" She stared at him, still searching.
"No," he lied.
She gave a curt nod and looked over the documents he handed her. It was her birth certificate, an open envelope and a bank book. She quickly stood and Hurst followed.
"Did you ever love me?" She stared at him.
"Yes, please forgive me. I am sorry, I love you and I never meant to hurt you. I promise it will never happen again." His voice sounded believable, but his eyes reviled his lie.
She turned to leave and walked up to the door.
"You're not going to say anything? I apologized, what more do you want? You know I love you." He seethed.
"What else is there?" She said impassively.
Her thoughts went to John. How could he lie about loving me? Loving her? Is he trying to hurt me? She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
"You can leave Aries here if you like, so you don't have to worry about him." He was trying to find a way to get her to come back, anything to keep her tied here.
"No, arrangements have been made; I am going to wait for the trailer to come for him." She turned and reached for the door knob, and turned to face him. "I just wanted to thank you for keeping me and raising me. I never needed anything, but you failed to give me the one thing I wanted, your love. Do not think I am ungrateful, I am not. I understand why you could not love me, so thank you for all you and Rose have done for me. Goodbye."
"Do you really think you can survive on your own? Succeed without me to guide you?" He sneered at her standing up angrily.
"I would like to tell you that I have always been alone, but I am not. *I'd like to do more than survive I'd like to rub it in your face. Success is in the eye of the beholder, and it's looking even better over your cold shoulder." With that she turned and walked out the door, Hurst behind her leaving a stunned James to sit back down.
He couldn't believe she just said that; that she could tell he was lying. She didn't even ask him anything about Ashley or their affair. Though he didn't literally get the last word, he would still break her. He included both letters she sent him, the first saying she wanted nothing to do Lexie and her last saying she would take her own life.
Closing the door behind him, Hurst picked up Lexie in a big bear hug and walked away from the door. "I'm so proud of you. Where did you get that from? It sounds so familiar." He placed her down.
"The Dresden Dolls, Good Day." She smiled brightly and he couldn't help but kiss the top of her head.
Jane was furious and hurt when Lexie left. She knew that they were still outside; she could see them from her window. Lexie didn't even tell her or Lizzie goodbye, she didn't want to be a part of their lifes. She just walked out on them! She was glad Lizzie told her what their dad said. Lizzie had a lot of valid points, she made sense; she was right about Lexie all along. She felt like her world was upside down and had been shattered. Now she saw what Lexie meant; the world was an ugly place.
Lexie introduced Anne and Hurst to Aries and they all found it cute that she was explaining to him what was happening. They were soon on their way to a pecan orchid, closer to the city. A friend of the Hurst's and Drake's owned it and had extra stables at the moment; they were more than happy to watch after him.
The Smith's looked like a nice enough family and they welcomed her to come visit him on the weekends until she could find a place for him. After explaining about how to care for him and his personality, she gave a strong goodbye to Aries and they left to Anne's.
The maids and butler helped unload the truck; her belongings were placed in her room and the rest in a spare bedroom. When they were finished, they were famished and Anne asked the cook to make them something. Luckily Mrs. De Bough was at school and they were able to enjoy the time with their boyfriends. Anne and Hurst snuck off somewhere and she took John to Anne's museum.
Looking around in awe, he couldn't believe Anne had this many paintings, sketches, drawings, plus the ones he knew Hurst had and all of the ones Lexie had on her wall. He gently gabbed her wrist and led her to the couch, sitting against the corner, he pulled her to sit in between his legs; her back to his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Neither said anything as he looked at the walls.
"Which one is your favorite?" He asked.
"I don't know, I've never thought about it. Each is its own masterpiece."
"You say that about everything. Do you not favor anything?" He teased.
She giggled, "I suppose I don't, but I know what I like, what I don't like and what I don't know."
He chuckled, "You know what you don't know?"
She stoked his arms with her fingers, giving him goose bumps. "Does that make sense?"
"Yes." She rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed it.
"Can you take me to Dr. Stone's later and stay with me?" She asked quietly. "That way I can tell you both how I feel and my thoughts. You might not like what you hear; I don't want to upset you. I'll understand if you would rather not."
"I'd love to." She turned on her side smiling and leaned in to kiss him.
It was only going to be a quick kiss, but he deepened it. His hands explored her back as he squeezed her to him, wanting her badly. Forgetting about her hands, she grabbed his face forcibly and her whole body tensed as pleasure and pain ran through her. He stopped and grabbed her wrists, pushing her off of him in panic.
"I'm sorry Lexie; I didn't mean to hurt you." He said fearfully.
Sitting up, she tenderly grabbed his face with her fingers and pulled him closer and he reluctantly followed. "John you didn't do this to me. You didn't cause me any pain. I'm the one who forgot about it."
He shook his head, "But if-"
"No ifs, ands, or buts. You're not responsible in anyway. That thought never crossed my mind, please erase it from yours." She said looking into his eyes lovingly. He softly nodded and pecked her lips. "Thank you for allowing Hurst to come with me to speak to him. It's just that he's my brother and-"
"I was hurt but I got over it." She panicked and was going to say something. "I understand Lexie. From what you told me I would have lost my temper." She about to reply, still a little tensed. "And I know that's not the reason. He is your brother, your protector and he has been for nine years?" She smiled and nodded.
He kissed her and soon he was pulling her back on top of him. She reluctantly pulled away. There was nothing more she wanted then him and his hands all over her naked body but she knew they couldn't be gone too long.
She quickly showed him her room here and John grabbed the album for her and they made their way to the entertainment room. Anne and Hurst were already there, sitting close on the couch watching TV. She sat down across from them and John sat next to her putting an arm around her.
"I just wanted to tell you guys thank you very much." She said softly as tears of joy ran down her face. They all smiled at her, but didn't say anything.
They were sitting in Dr. Stone's office; she decided to work after all but only a few of her clients could change their schedule again last minute.
She was surprised when John followed her in and she didn't want Lexie not to share anything because he was in the room but from looking at Lexie, she needed him there and this technically wasn't a session.
"How are you feeling Lexie?" She asked looking at her.
"I feel like I'm drowning and I am overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. I don't know how to deal with them and I'm finding it hard to keep it together. I thought I was losing control before. I was wrong." Tears began running down her face and John hugged her to him, stroking her back. Lexie took a deep breath, "Though I feel out of control, I feel happy. I am free from him and I can do anything I want."
"Do you have any fears or worries?" She asked hoping it would get her to talk about them.
She nodded and buried her face into John, sobbing. Once she calmed down she whispered to John to hold her. She turned to face her, "I'm afraid that I will end up like her. The way she wrote her feelings. It reminded me of the way I think at times. I-I'm afraid John is going to leave me. That all his words will become false and I'll end up as broken as she was."
She looked at John and saw the hurt look on his face and his grip tightened around Lexie, she wanted to ask him what he thought about that but this was about getting Lexie to speak.
"I worry about what I'm going to do next, not in the sense that I don't think I can make it on my own, I believe I can. I don't know what to do. Should I continue going to school? A part of me wants to graduate but I want to keep going because of my friends; my original plan. But then if I do leave, I have to think about college, where to go, what to study. I don't want to take a year off because I can. I realized that I can get a music degree but I see the logic in going for a more suitable career. I now have all these choices to make where before I only had two to choose from. My head hurts."
"You are not your mother Lexie, she was a different person. You have never thought of suicide and you have never hurt yourself intentionally. You hate physical pain because you can't control your emotions when you're in pain. If you were a cutter it would be the other way around. John is still here, he is here with you right now. From what you've told me, he's been here for you all along. It was like you said; you'll always have his friendship. Do you believe that?" Lexie nodded and it looked like John was going to say something.
"In order to help you make your own choices, make a list, narrow it down and write a list of pros and cons. It will take time but it will become routine soon. Just take your time and think rationally. I won't lie; it's going to be hard for you to adjust. Your fath-James would only allow you enough freedom to make to choose between two options. It was how he controlled you but now you have all the control. Is there anything else?"
"The Burton's want to meet me, well first my uncle and then I'd meet the rest of them. I am worried they won't like me. It was one of her biggest fears that they would reject her if they knew about me. That thought is left in my head. I fear they won't like me and in a way I wish they wouldn't have been looking for me. The last thing I need is more people who don't like me. Especially family.
"If they didn't want to get to know you, they wouldn't have been looking for you in the first place. They or at least some of them will give you a chance and like you Lexie. Those are the people you want in your life; people who want you. Try to forget about those who don't."
Lexie sat up a little more, but John still kept an arm around her shoulder. "You make it sound so simple. My thoughts are overwhelming me. I try to push them aside and think of John. He makes me happy. But the demon pops up more. It's as if the more I suppress it, the louder it gets and I say bad things without realizing it."
"What was happening when you snapped?"
"When I told Anne about John and me, she told me he was better than Will and I freaked out. I told her that if Will couldn't like me, how can someone who was better? I didn't recognize my voice. I told her that she made me feel insecure. You should have seen the look on her face. I know she didn't mean it that way." Lexie said softly.
"Jane asked me to apologize to Caroline, and well you know how that went. I overheard her asking Lizzie why I couldn't be normal and apologize the way I should have. I snapped nothing to bad was said, I told her she stays in her happy little bubble, because she wants to be ignorant of how the world really is, that her ideals of peace and love were bull; the world and people were just cruel. It is not as bad as what I said to Caroline, but to say that to someone like Jane. She took it the same. Then yesterday Will-" John squeezed her tight, it was the second time she mentioned his name and faltered and Dr. Stone noticed.
"What did he tell you this time?" She was surprised at how well Lexie was handling everything and how calm she seemed on the outside.
Right now Lexie was over those other feelings, for now anyways. This was a different topic. More importantly she was opening up and it was going to help her deal with them later. She wasn't surprised she hadn't mentioned anything before, she knew all about Caroline and encouraged Lexie to stand up for herself.
"He asked me about the hearing. I said I hoped it would go by quickly. I realized I said the word hope. You know how much I hate that word. That feeling," she said with venom. "I was thinking about it because I asked if his friend Charles mentioned if Jane said anything about what happened on Saturday. He said no and I knew not to be upset; a part of me knew that she wouldn't care. But a part of me hoped that she told him but no. I told Will the usual thing I tell you, 'That after so many disappointments that feeling should have died, but feelings don't die they drown and suffocate you." She said defeated and exhausted.
"How did he respond to that?" She asked gazing John's reaction.
She could tell he didn't like Will, but he didn't seem shocked by her thoughts.
"He told me all feelings weren't bad, he mentioned love. I apologized explaining that I let the thoughts get the better of me and agreed that love was a great feeling. I became happy because I thought of John and forgot about all the bad thoughts." She said happily and reached for her neck.
She wondered if it was a new tick, it was the twentieth time she'd seen her do it in total, she did it earlier and at the trial.
"It is good that you are opening up. Perhaps this will help you, don't repress it try talking about your feelings, or write them down in a diary. You don't know how to deal with anger, you've never really cared before so who knows what you'll care about now."
"So Will went to Anne's yesterday?" John asked as got on the road.
"Yes, he wanted to see how I was doing. Do you dislike him?" She asked curiously.
"He hurt you Lexie." He said tersely.
"He hurt my feelings because he over reacted and he also helped me out twice. He is a nice guy and a good friend. He's just…I don't know." She said looking in the distance, angering John.
"Do you still have feelings for him?" He snapped.
Gasping she snapped her head, looking at him in disbelief. She felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of her and she felt sick. "How could you even think that?"
"I noticed you didn't answer the question!" He spat ignoring the hurt in her voice.
"Please stop the car." She said quietly.
"No! Answer me!" He demanded.
She cringed, James. "Stop the car!" She demanded unbuckling herself.
He pulled into a parking lot and parked the car. He turned to look at her, angry but when he saw that look in her eyes he regretted asking her. He had never seen her look so hurt, not after everything that happened.
"I can't believe you would ask me such a thing, that you would believe that I had feelings for anyone but you after everything. I gave you my body, my mind and heart. I let you in." She stated sadly as tears rolled down her cheeks. "To answer your question, no; I don't harbor any romantic feelings for him. Did I hug him? Yes. What he did yesterday meant a lot to me. He could have said no, I needed you to hold me."
He leaned in to hug her but she recoiled away. "Lexie-"
This was too much, she couldn't take it and she couldn't think right now. She couldn't handle this on top of everything and she knew it was better to do this now. She took out the necklace and began looking for the clasp.
"I think you should take this back." She tried to say calmly but her voice quivered horribly.
Finding it, John grabbed her wrists. "I'm sorry. I love you. I-"
She calmed at his touch, she couldn't understand how a single touch made her feel better. She tried to think and push her feelings aside.
"I know and I understand what it is like to be jealous. I also know that I questioned your feelings for me earlier and I shouldn't have. I also shouldn't have gotten hurt when you questioned mine. I did bring it up after all. I know how you must have felt now and I'm sorry. But you have no reason to be jealous, I on the other hand do. It's like comparing a rose to a weed." She pointed to him and her.
*"A weed is a plant out of place." He told her, making her break into her bright smile. Pulling her to him, he wiped away her tears with his thumbs as his hands cupped her face.
"Everyone has that little voice in the back of their mind that gives negative thoughts Lexie. I know you wouldn't have questioned my feelings if you hadn't read your mothers diary. She put those thoughts in there… I. I'm afraid that you're going to leave me for him, because he had your affection first. I feel really possive over you, now that I finally have you I don't want to let you go."
She leaned up and gave him a soft deep kiss. "He made me think about being with someone and wanting to change. Yes, he inflicted confusing emotions and I had a crush on him. But you have my heart John. You reached a place in my heart where no has ever been. You are the only one I have ever shared so much with. I am yours and no one else's. The only feelings I have towards Will are those of friendship."
He smiled brightly and kissed her. "Do you forgive me?"
She giggled and nodded. "Only if you can forgive me."
They were in his room and he was sitting against his headboard. He had Lexie cocooned in between his lap and the album was on her lap but he was holding it. "Are you ready?"
"No, but I don't want it to put it off any longer." She took a deep breath and opened it.
She gasped. It was her, Ashley her mother looking very pregnant. She had auburn hair, but her hair was not as wavy. Mr. Sawyer was right, she did look like her. Although she believed her mother was more beautiful than she was. She smiled.
"I love you." She turned and kissed him.
"What's going on through that pretty head of yours?" He smiled.
"I-you make me feel beautiful, all the time. I never saw myself as such; I always thought that Hurst was just an awesome photographer. Not to say that he isn't, it's just that when he'd show me the pictures he took of me I couldn't believe that was me. I only felt beautiful looking at them. But because of you I feel beautiful, even though I know I'm not. Not like her anyways." She said happily.
"You are Lexie, you look like her but I can assure you that she did not have your beautiful soul."
"How do you know?"
"Would you ever take your own life?"
She had to think about it, making him worry. "I do not honestly know. It is not that I hate my life all the time, I hate life in general, pointless thing really." She said in a dark voice. He tensed and she sat up away from him. "I'm sorry John, I-" he grabbed her and pulled her back to him, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "No I would never take my own life. I might think about it though and probably freak out, then speak to Dr. Stone about it but I would not go through with it. I really do hate physical pain, well emotional pain as well but no."
"You hate your life at times?" He asked sadly. She turned to look at him.
"I suppose I used to, but not anymore. To be honest I never thought about it unless I was having a bad day. I was just something I hate, an emotionless zombie. It's funny I hate living by a routine but that is all I know, well knew. But you make me happy."
"You make me happy too."
"John…if you-if-" she sighed. "If you ever do not want to be with me, please just tell me and promise me that we'll still be friends. It might be hard at first but I don't want to lose you."
"Where is this coming from Lexie?"
"What are we going to do when we graduate? What if we go to schools in different states? I do not want to tie you down or hold you back, or for you to miss out on the whole college experience."
"College experience?"
"Fraternity life, I mean I've seen a lot of movies and although that might not be how all fraternities are, I am sure they are not that different."
"Why are we speaking of this now? Can't we hold it off until we get there?"
"I wish that I could but I can't. I'm just asking you not to cheat on me, to be open and honest with me and that we will always be friends even though we were lovers."
"Please stop talking about us in the past tense, we are dating. We will cross that bridge together when we get to it." She was going to respond. "I promise to be open and honest with you, to never cheat on you and that we will always be friends, no matter how hard and uncomfortable it might be at first." He kissed her.
By the end of the album, Lexie was crying again as John held her. It was a very beautiful album. It was decorated nicely and made with care and love. She could tell her mother loved her from the photos and it made her happy, hurt less.
Friday:
Lexie still hadn't returned to school much to everyone's disappointment. Mary felt horrible she hadn't been able to escape her mother's grasp. She hadn't seen Lexie since the concert and the only communication she had with Lexie was through Anne. Her mother forbade her from having any form of contact with Lexie and took away her computer and changed her number.
Anne was worried about Lexie being alone even though when she got home Lexie and she were inseparable. She asked the maids to keep an eye on her and talk to her if she wanted to speak about anything. She wanted to make her comfortable, she loved having her there, they were truly sisters and she was happy. A part of her never understood why her mother worked, but now she was glad that she wasn't at home and that she left Lexie alone.
Hurst was happy to hear that Lexie was opening up more but he really did miss her. She was constantly texting him or sending him emails, making him feel special that she missed him as much. Things were going great with Anne, they grew closer and tomorrow he was taking them all out to celebrate his birthday.
John was in a pretty bad place, he really missed her even though they spoke on the phone every day and texted throughout the day. He hadn't seen her since Monday and he would have seen her today but she changed her mind. Today she was finally going to meet her uncle and she asked him if he would go with her to which he agreed, but in the end she wanted to do it on her own. He just had to wait one more day to see her.
Lexie would go for a walk around the grounds once Anne would leave for school. It wasn't as early as she would have liked but she loved spending time with Anne. Plus she didn't have anything to do. On Tuesday, her phone services were disconnected and after walking and getting ready, she took the bus to the city and got her own line. Stopped by the DMV to finally get her ID and she went by the school to change all of her information. Dr. Stone informed her that James took her off of his insurance but she didn't have to worry about it right now or be too concerned about it.
Though she now lived in the city and could take the bus anywhere, she spent her free time thinking about what she was going to do and the homework Anne would bring her. She was also playing the piano more, practicing the song she was going to sing to John and just playing for fun. Her skills were improving more and more, it was the only way she could get out her emotions. Often she would find herself silently crying and she was glad she was alone.
Her hands weren't fully healed and she couldn't bear to play the violin. They hardly stung and she was happy that she was healing quickly but her left hand often stung. A piece of glass had cut perfectly into the middle, slicing her palm line and she didn't want to move it, but would knowing it would hurt more if she moved it later. She couldn't bear to look at the stiches on her thigh. The only time she would was when she was cleaning and applying medicine. They would occasionally puss and bleed and were scabbing. The worst part was how her skin looked, she knew it was in her head though; it didn't look as bad as some of the other pictures she looked up of others.
She contacted Mr. Sawyer to give him her new number and he told her that her uncle would be coming to town and Friday. She took longer getting ready, not knowing what to wear. John told her to be herself; she felt most comfortable in jeans but was wearing skirts because of the stiches. She used to have plenty of dresses and more close to choose from, but she donated a majority of the clothes Rose bought her to a women's shelter.
The only thing she was happy with was her uniform, she wore a black skirt a grey button up shirt and grey knee high socks, leaving her hair lose. As she waited, she played the piano to calm her nerves, she knew he was going to want to know about her, her family and she didn't know how much to tell him. If he didn't approve of her then she wouldn't get to meet the rest of the Burton's and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. She didn't know if she could handle it, or what she wanted from them.
Mr. Sawyer wasn't too tall a man, he was shorter than John but taller than her. It was evident through his three piece suit that he was muscular and the way he stood gave of the vibe as a guard. When she met his eyes, she could see that he struggled with something but it went as soon as it came.
He opened the back door of the car for her and when she glanced in she saw that it was empty. She felt a wave of sadness, she thought he changed his mind but didn't understand why Mr. Sawyer was picking her up. He went around to the other side and got in, she was really uncomfortable and she just looked out the window.
"Did your father often hurt you?" He asked softly.
She slowly turned to look at him and saw that he was looking at her hands. "I don't really remember. It's all in pieces but physically it was only for two years."
He nodded and when she knew he wasn't going to say anything else, she turned to look back out the window and touched her necklace, thinking of John.
They pulled up to a tall building and the car stopped in front of the doors. There was a man standing outside greeting people as they walked out. She was really anxious and got out before Mr. Sawyer had a chance to go around and open the door for her. They entered and she saw a large fountain and chandelier in the lobby along with a reception desk.
After he punched in a code, they rode the elevator all the way to the top floor. The doors opened into a hallway and there were five doors, one at the end of the hallway which she followed him to. Unlocking the door, they entered and there was another hallway leading to the living room on one side and another hallway and the kitchen and stairs on the other but she was too entranced by the floor to ceiling windows. The view was amazing. She could see the city and beyond, quickly glancing around she saw a piano in the living room and another door next to the kitchen.
There was a man standing at the window, looking out. He was as tall as Mr. Sawyer and just as built. He had copper colored wavy hair and when he turned to look at her she saw her eyes staring back at her. He appeared to be the same age as Mr. Sawyer and a big smile instantly appeared on his face.
"Alexandra! Hello, it's nice to meet you! I am your Uncle Edward." He smiled genuinely, calming her somewhat. He didn't seem to know if he should hug her or shake her hand and she held out his hand.
"Mr. Burton, please call me Alexa. It is nice to meet you as well." She stated and his smile faltered at being addressed formally.
"Ok, Alexa. Please call me Edward, or Uncle." He said walking to the couch, sitting down. She followed sitting across from him and Mr. Sawyer sat down next to her.
"I thought that it would be best to determine if you like me enough first, before forming any type of attachment." She said nonchalantly.
"What do you mean? We're family."
"Technically speaking yes, but you do not know me. I-am afraid that once you do, you would not like to." She stated.
He smiled, "As I said we are family, I have waited a long time to meet you and so has the rest of the family. They all wanted to come but I know-I thought it would be easier for you this way." She nodded her understanding. "Tell me what do you think of the apartment?"
She looked outside again, "The view is amazing and I like the piano, do you play?"
He chuckled, "No I got it just for you."
She was confused. "Would you like me to play something for you? To be honest I am barley starting to play again, the violin occupies my time but my hands-I cannot play well until my left hand is healed."
A big smile crossed his face but his phone went off. He excused himself and walked out of the room. Mr. Sawyer encouraged her to go up to the piano, it was Steinway & Sons and she knew from Mary that it was one of the best. She sat down and fiddled with the keys, not knowing what to play.
"It seems as if your grandmother couldn't wait to meet you, she will be here shortly." He said sadly.
He remained standing and she stood as well not knowing what to do. The look on both of their faces was discouraging. They didn't have to wait long before they heard the door open and close and an elderly woman with blonde hair stormed into the room followed by a young woman.
"Edward, can you believe they were not going to allow me to come up! Your own mother! The audacity!" She said with conceit in her voice.
"Mother you are not even supposed to be here. The staff was only doing their job." He sighed.
"You and your father will not keep me from meeting my own grandchild, now when is the girl going to get here. I want to see what passes for fashion around here." She said looking around the room.
"Hello Mrs. Burton it is nice to meet you." Lexie said stepping out from behind Mr. Sawyer who had stood protectively in front of her.
"Dear God what happened to your hands?!" She exclaimed.
Lexie stepped back behind Mr. Sawyer and grabbed her necklace, she wished John was here.
"Mother," Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. This is what he wanted to avoid, the reason Ashley left home in the first place.
"I was thrown onto glass." She said stepping out again.
"You poor dear, come here let me get a good look at you!"
Lexie smiled to herself, she reminded her of Mrs. De Bough. When she was in front of her, she could see the sadness and tears in her eyes.
Mrs. Burton sobbed and pulled her in for a tight hug. "My Ashley," she whispered.
Lexie wrapped her arms around her and noticed that the woman behind them had her mouth open in complete shock. She turned her head and her uncle and Sawyer were also shocked. Mrs. Burton coughed and let go of her.
They all sat down and as she suspected, they asked her about herself. She told them about her disorder, her friends, the violin, Aries and school. When they asked about the Bennet's she told them the truth as impassively as she could. She found it difficult and strange, knowing the truth, made her see things differently and she couldn't think about the past without getting emotional. The looks they gave her made her uneasy, but she got through it.
They spent several hours speaking getting to know each other but no one ever mentioned her mother. Mrs. Burton was a lot like Mrs. De Bough, dominating the conversation but she was happy that the attention was off of her. After speaking for a little over an hour, Mrs. Burton got anxious and wanted to go shopping with Lexie. She muttered something that her grandchild was not going to walk around dresses like that.
Lexie knew there wasn't wrong with what she was wearing, it was a little tattered but she didn't mind but she knew there was no stopping it. They stopped by the stores that Anne shops at but she would have preferred going to her thrift stores or Wal-Mart but she honestly couldn't imagine Mrs. Burton stepping foot in there.
She only picked a couple of shirts but Mrs. Burton insisted that she try almost everything on. Sarah, who was her assistant, helped her pick clothes that looked well on her and she just happened to like. She was allowed to pick her own clothes and they got her new undergarments and, skirts and shirts for school. After shopping for two hours, Mrs. Burton decided they were done. What she didn't know is that they still needed to go shopping for shoes which took another hour.
"Mother did you buy the whole store?" Edward said after the fifth man came in with a handful of bags.
"Please Edward we have more than enough money. What kind of grandmother would I be if I did not spoil my granddaughter? I have 17 years to make up for." She stated.
"I believe you bought enough to last a lifetime." He joked.
"Hush, now Sarah I want you to organize everything into the closet in the master bedroom."
"Mrs. Burton by the time-" Sarah began.
"I do not understand. Why would you place everything here?" Lexie asked as her words sunk in.
"Why you're staying here of course!" Mrs. Burton said matter-of-factly making Lexie's eyes widen.
"What she means Alexa is that Sawyer informed me that you needed a place to live. There is a door man and the front desk does not allow anyone up that is not in a list of approved guests. Someone comes to clean twice a week, there is a pool and game room down stairs and the school is nearby."
"But I cannot afford to live here and I still have to tell my friend Anne. She's going to be sad, and what about Aries? He can't stay there forever and he has to be ridden and I have to find a place for him. But this place is too big for me to be alone in. Do not misunderstand, it is beautiful but it is too much for me, I would be happier in a smaller apartment. Which I can find on my own, within my own price range," she started rambling and then looked up at all of them. "I do not mean to sound ungrateful but I am not one for luxury items, not to say that I will not wear the clothes you bought me, I will. But-"
"Alexa, I can assure you that you will not be left alone. Sawyer will be staying in the upstairs part of the apartment so you will have complete privacy. Your horse will be moved to a stable closer to the city but open enough for you to ride him. As for the cost, well you do not have to worry about that, your grandfather has agreed to pay for it."
"But I am supposed to do this on my own. What if the judge revokes his decision and I have to go back to that house!" She said panicked and he came and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Alexa you will never go back there again, I promise. You do not have to move in right away, I know it will take time to adjust. Please at least try it for a month and if you change your mind there will be no problem. We can make other arrangements, do not worry about paying for anything, you have your own money that your great grandfather and mother left you, but your grandfather and I would like to do this for you, to make up for the last 17 years."
"But you don't need to make up for anything." She said quietly.
"Please try it and we will go from there, as I said you can move in whenever you like."
She nodded and then was shown to her room, which was the door next to the kitchen. The kitchen was big and had an island counter; there was a dining room, a main restroom and three other bedrooms with their own bathroom downstairs. Sawyer's part of the apartment was pretty big. The master bedroom was bigger than hers and he had another bedroom and a small living room. They made plans to meet on Sunday when the whole family would be here. She was surprised that they wanted to meet her friend and that she was going to get to meet them.
*The Killer Inside Me-Jim Thompson