Dreams of a Wounded Heart©
Chapter Twenty-Five: Faith in the Knife
By Genevieve Lee

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The next morning we were on our way, bright and early. I wore a modest traveling suit of gray wool. A hat sat atop my head, and my hair was pulled back. We took a carriage to the dock in Le Harve, which took two full days. I didn't mind though. I knew the moment I stepped upon that boat, it was over. I would be out of France and on my way to God knows where in England. I thought with vague discomfort and irony, that it was completely possible Erik and I could be passing each other on our travels.

Finally at the end of the two days, we arrived at the shore where our ship would be departing. I stepped carefully out of the carriage and stared at the huge mass of metal and iron that somehow floated above the water. My lips set themselves in a grim line as the people around us began unloading the trunks and cases that held all of our belongings. But my most precious possession hung around my neck: Erik's necklace. I vowed I would never take it off, at least not until we were reunited, a possibility I clung to with all of my might.

My mother noticed the hopeless expression I wore, because she walked over to me. "Madeleine, one day you will thank me for all of this. I promise you."

"And if I don't?" I spoke for the first time in those two days.

"You will," She replied with the utmost confidence as she flexed her hand in her glove.

I brushed past her, taking the lead to where we would board. I was ready to get this over with. Around me, people hugged their family, with promises of letters and gifts. Husbands and wives kissed with the pledge of seeing each other again soon. I tried not to pay them any mind. I had no one here to say goodbye too. My brother had decided to stay behind, and I thought it best. If somehow his presence back in Paris could help me, then by all means I would let him.

I walked up the slanted walkway to the ship, my family in tow. I entered the luxurious ship, not really noticing all of the silk and gold that embroidered practically everything. Jason's cousin's wife fell into step with me. She had become quite the pest, trying to become what she called, "the closest of friends." I could care less if she was a Countess. She was barley a few years older than I was, and the Comte was at least as old as my father.

She took my arm and gestured grandly to the beautiful foyer we were entering. "Oh, Madeleine! Isn't it grand?"

My eyes took in all of the beautiful, deep colors, the elegance of the furniture and bar. "I actually find it to be completely unnecessary. We are to be on this massive beast but a few hours. The pretense of it all is quite dreary."

I took my arm back and walked ahead, hearing the shock in her silence. Of course she was expecting the proper comment of, "Yes, it is quite grand. I am happy to be aboard such a beautiful ship."

But I was done with all that. Acting inferior to everyone simply because I was a woman. I was sick of lowering my eyelashes and saying things like, "Oh my. The way you speak about it makes it sound like a novel." I could probably outsmart half the men on this ship. Most everyone was content to sit back and accept the rules of society without question. Our society was considered perfect, and this was something I could never understand.

How could it be flawless where people like Erik are doomed to a life with loneliness? In all honesty, there was nothing wrong with Erik. What people deemed "wrong" with him was made him Erik. People who are not of the correct social status are looked down upon, treated as nothing better than a stray dog on the streets. Women were expected to listen to everything their fathers and husbands say, to never have a mind of their own. To have perfect manners, to only speak when spoken to, and to have clever comments ready when it was asked of them.

I was over all of these things. I would now take control of my life, and I would not let them take away my freedom and independence. For now, I would remain with them, but I knew when the time came to leave, I would not look back. I would not miss my parents or Jason. I would be content to never see them again.

I could not wait for that day to come.

Most girls my age would be making their debuts and be having their season right now. My parents had never prepared me to have a season, as it was always decided I would have an arranged marriage. I was happy I was not sent to a finishing school, as it would probably depress me to watch all of my friends getting ready for the summer where they would become women and leave their girlhoods behind. In my mind, I hadn't been a girl for quite some time. I had grown up quite a lot in the past few months.

It did not take long for us to cross the English Channel and soon we were in a carriage on our way to Jason's summer home. As we made our way to where I would be spending the rest of my time until Erik came, I looked out the window hoping to gather clues of where we were going to somehow send back to Paris, but I saw no familiar land markings, and I was left in the dark. We rode is collected silence for a while, and I finally decided to ask Jason a question that was itching to be answered.

"Jason, why could I not remain at the opera house with all of my friends until our marriage?"

To my surprise, it was not Jason who answered, but his brother. "My dear, you really have been deprived, haven't you?" He offered no other explanation.

"Oh, I suppose you have too. I have not seen many gentlemen with that gruesome of a haircut. Or manners. I do believe I was asking my fiancé, not you," I snapped back, feeling the rage tingle up my fingertips and through the rest of my body.

"Madeleine, enough!" Jason barked.

"Will you just answer me?" I said, looking at him evenly, not ready for him to win this battle.

"If you are to be married into our family, we had to take you away from the life you knew. You could not be a performer, Madeleine. Performers are there to entertain people like us, not to be plucked out and married at random. Women of the stage should not associate socially with us. I should have taken you from that dreadful place as soon as we met. I still wonder why I let it go on that long. It obviously has not helped your character." He said, eyeing me hatefully, a look I happily returned.

"The thing is Madeleine," My father began, quickly gaining my attention. "We have decided we are to train you to be a woman of society. Sort of a finishing school within our home."

"You mean his home," I sneered. "I left my home back in Paris."

"That is quite enough with you, young lady," My mother said, her voice raising an octave above everyone else. "We are doing this to help you."

"You are doing no such thing. You are ruining me," I rebuffed. After my father's demand to show some respect, I decided the only way I could do that was remain silent. I leaned back in my seat, dejected. I did not say another word for the rest of the ride, only stared quietly out the window, watching England slowly pass me by.

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"This is your maid and chaperone."

I looked wearily to the woman in front of me, expecting to see an old spinster who would definitely report any of my wrong doings to Jason but was surprised to see a young woman of about twenty-one. She had golden hair, which was tied back with a black and white ribbon that was a part of her uniform. She had clear blue eyes and fair skin. She was quite lovely. I gave a small smile, wondering if perhaps we could become friends. Without my brother here, I would need someone to keep my sane. "Hello, I am Madeleine."

"How do you do, miss? I am Farrah."

I grinned. "What a lovely name."

She blushed modestly. "Much thank you, miss."

"Farrah, unpack my fiancée's things." Jason ordered, not looking up as he adjusted his cufflinks.

"As you wish, sir," She curtsied and walked out, towards where I presumed my room would be.

"I should like to see my room. I am quite tired. The traveling and all…" I said, looking hopefully at Jason and flashed my best smile. I hoped my politeness would be rewarded, even if it were false.

"Yes, of course," My mother said, looking disapprovingly at my fiancé. "She has a long day, and she should get some rest."

I grinned in triumph and was taken to my room where Farrah was unpacking my trunks. She looked shocked at my sudden appearance. "I'm sorry miss, I was just unpacking your things. Would you like me to leave?"

I shook my head as I shut my door, much to the dismay of the maid that had escorted me. "No, it is fine. And please, call me Madeleine."

A blush etched her lovely skin. "Oh no, that would not be proper Miss Taylor."

"Yes, but I do not care much for propriety Farrah. I would like us to be friends."

"Friends?" She asked, testing the word.

I nodded eagerly. "I fear I will go mad in this place without a friend."

"What of your fiancé?" She asked, obviously surprised that I could not consider him in that certain circle of things.

I snorted in the utmost unladylike manner at the thought. "Oh, he is the farthest from a friend," I admitted, sitting on the edge of my bed. I glanced up and saw her looking at me in a peculiar way. "Have you worked for the De'lormes long?" I asked.

"Yes, since the summer I turned sixteen," She said, putting away some of my gowns.

"How old are you now?"

"Twenty-two next month, miss."

I ignored the use of the word "miss" and continued with our conversation. "Do you find them to be terrible?"

She thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "They are a most respectable family."

"Your hesitation before you spoke says everything." I stood and walked over to the window that overlooked their lush, green garden. "You find them as horrible as I do."

She did not correct me, and the truth was held in that silence. We both stood awkwardly for a moment before I turned to face her once more. "How did you come to be a maid?"

She still seemed shocked that someone of my station would be asking questions about her. "My father left my mother when we were very young. She could not afford for a proper upbringing. I was never able to go to finishing school or make my debut. This was the only choice I had."

"I'm sure there were other choices," I reasoned. I did not like to hear about people who had no way out.

"Not really. There was no one who wanted to marry me. This was my only way to get through life. Either this or to…sell myself." Her honesty left a blush upon my cheeks and we both looked down. "I really should not be speaking about such matters with you." She finished putting away my stockings and petticoats. "Good day to you, miss." She curtsied and left.

It would take a while for me to be able to gain her trust, but she seemed kind enough. I sat again at the edge of my bed, looking around the room I would be staying in. It seemed lonely, as I was to call this place home when I had never been there. I looked out of my window and saw evening would dawn in a few hours. Soon I would have to eat a dreadful dinner with everyone, and I decided it was high time to take a walk. I got off my bed and changed from my traveling suit to a simple dress of dark blue. I donned my bonnet and shawl before bounding down the stairs.

"Mother, may I take a walk?" I asked, knowing she would be the easiest to get to agree.

She hesitated for a moment, before agreeing. We found Farrah to go with me, because of course I was not to be trusted alone. We left the house and I let her lead me down a trail that would go through the gardens of the estate. As soon as we were out of sight of the manor, I took my bonnet off and stuffed it into my pocket. Farrah looked at me oddly.

"There is no point in it anymore." I said, motioning to the freckles that were already sprinkled over my cheeks and nose. She nodded her understanding and we continued on our way. The beating summer sun felt good on my bare face and I relished in it. I decided to try and crack Farrah again. "Have you ever considered trying to change your life?"

Something flashed across her eyes, an emotion I could not decipher. "Have you?" She countered.

I looked down, flushed by her sudden outburst. "I am sorry, I did not mean anything by it. I was just trying to…" To what? Reveal your darkest secrets and make you feel awful about your life? Bravo, Madeleine! "I really do want us to be friends." I tried again.

"Why?"

I chewed my bottom lip, a habit my grandmother had always chided me about. "It is a lonely time for me right now."

"How so?" She asked; confused at how a woman like me, surrounded by my family, my fiancé and his family, could be lonely.

"Well," I started, not sure where to begin. "My marriage to Mister De'lorme is strictly arranged. In short, I cannot stand him. I have lived in Paris for the last two years, and there I fell in love. I was forced to leave when he was away. I did not get to say goodbye," I clawed a tear away that had escaped the careful façade I had tried so hard to keep.

"I'm sorry."

I gave a shuddering sigh. "Don't be. It was not your fault," I replied, plucking a flower from its stem and tucking it behind my ear.

"Will you marry Mister De'lorme?"

"No," I said, staring at the clear sky. "My wedding is Christmas Eve. I will stay here until the very last moment, and then I will leave. That is if he hasn't found me by then."

"You are sure he will find you?"

My eyes flashed darkly. "Yes."

She saw my expression and she quickly explained herself. "It is just that the world is full of liars and deceivers. I have learned that hoping is by far the most injuring thing in the world."

I nodded my understanding, knowing there was a story behind her words. "What of you Farrah? What had happened that make it so hard for you to hope?" She was silent, obviously having an inner battle of whether or not I was trustworthy. "You can have faith in me. I promise, Farrah."

Her eyes held an emotion that I recognized. It was grief. She wanted to believe we could be friends. She did, but she was afraid. Finally, she spoke. "When my father left my mother and I, she waited for him every night. Without fail, I would find her every morning by the window in the front room. Between that and raising me, it aged her much faster." Her eyes cast down. "She died a few weeks after my eighteenth birthday."

"So you are alone, then?"

She gave a brief nod, and I took her hand. "You no longer are, Farrah. I can help you."

She still looked afraid, but another emotion shimmered in her eyes. One of actual hope rekindled. We were joined by grief, and that alone could keep us together.

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"I am sending you shopping with your maid today." My mother said as she donned her cape.

"You mean Farrah?"

"Pardon me?" My mother asked, looking over at me.

"Her name is Farrah," I said coolly.

"Yes, well," She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "You need some new gowns. Jason has provided funds," She said as she dropped a bag of coins in my hand.

I nodded, already itching to get out of the house. The first week in Jason's home had proved what I knew it would be: unbearable.

Farrah made things better though. She had let me in, and we stayed up late every night talking and laughing. I told her about Erik, without the whole Phantom of the Opera thing and the murders, and how I knew he was coming for me. I told her about my life at the opera, about Brenda, and how my life had led up to where I was now. As she began to see I was not one of the typical women she worked for, she opened up. She told me about her mother, and how dearly she had loved her. She confided in me by telling about her dreams of finding love one day and leaving the dreary life she had now behind. I promised that when Erik came for me, I would not leave her behind.

My mother dismissed me and I quickly got ready, excited for a day away from the dreadful manor and the people the currently occupied it. Farrah had a laugh at my expense as I nearly skipped to the carriage.

We spent the day shopping, buying me a few new gowns, and much to her protests, some for herself. I had reassured her she would need them when we left Jason's home for our new life. She had finally agreed, and I had happily bought her some beautiful gowns and some accessories to go with them. I had promised to keep them hidden in my room until we left. We ended our day with a nice dinner at a small restaurant. We were making our way back to the carriage, purchases in hand, when something caught my attention.

A woman in her mid twenties stood at the edge of the shadows in an alley, and a young boy of about three or four clutched her dirty skirts, shyly hiding behind them. She was begging for spare money from the few people that was passing by, all which walked straight past her without so much as a second glance. As we continued to walk towards her, a man that was in front of us gave her an eerie grin.

"I'll gif 'ou two pounds to please me fo' a few 'ours." He said, taking a step forward.

The woman pushed her young son behind her, taking a step back. "No, thank you sir."

"'Oi, come on now luf. 'Ou need money and I need some com'ny."

I watched as the little boy tried to peak behind his mother's skirts and she pushed him back, obscuring him from view. "No," She replied, beginning to get angry, but fear showed as well. He took a step towards her with a threat of, "taking what he wanted" when I decided to intervene.

"Sir, I do believe the lady said no." I said coolly, and I heard Farrah come up behind me.

"'Ho are 'ou to tell me wot to do?"

His accent was beginning to annoy me, and I narrowed my eyes. "Shall I fetch the constable? I just passed him right behind that corner." I said, gesturing around the building we were next to. I had actually seen no such thing, but my voice was sure and stern. "A man like you does not look like he can hold another black mark on his record."

It worked, for he backed down. "No, no need fo' the constable now, miss. Oi'll just be on my way."

I stood my ground as he hurried away, and then I gave a sigh of relief. I turned to the woman, and smiled. "He shan't be bothering you again, miss."

"Oh, thank you so much!"

I shifted my weight so that I felt the remaining coins in my pocket. I took them out. "Here, I want you to take these."

Her eyes widened at the amount and she took it carefully. "Oh no, miss. I owe you too much already."

I glanced at the little redheaded boy at her side, whose face was smudged with dirt and grime. "Take it, for your son. I do not need it."

Her eyes shimmered with tears of gratefulness. "Thank you, miss. I will not forget you."

I smiled at her and nodded before looking at Farrah. "We best be getting home." She nodded and we made our way back to the carriage together.

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Genny's Note: That last scene was not in there for kicks. It will show some significance later, I promise! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to give Madeleine some time to adjust. There will be more of her rebellious side in the next chapter or two. I hope you guys decide to review! Have a wonderful New Year's!