This is a big one folks! To use a phrase borrowed from my nana; 'the shits gonna hit the fan!'Now questions may be answered but as you all should know by now, nothings gonna be straight forward, there WILL be more twists and turns, but that's what I'm here for; to entertain and make you scratch your heads! Anyways on with the story and I really hope you all enjoy it, thanks for the reviews/alerts and favourites that you've all done for me (but remember! There's no such thing as being too shy to review, wink, wink).
Chapter 24: Demon On My Back
The human body can only stand so much before it breaks down. Even the most strongest of people can get knocked down and never be the same again. Sometimes when you have a problem it's hard to deal with it yourself, it's hard to even think about it, to express how you feel. So we hide away, we bury our hurt and put on our mask, face the world even though it's a strain even to get up in the morning. They say a problem shared is a problem halved, but what if by confessing our hurt, our sins, what if it hurts those around us? Separation from those we love sounds like the worst thing to do, but ultimately we're just saving them from our fate. It's always darkest before the dawn.
Stephen's POV
Telling the parent's of your victim that they're never coming home again, how sorry you are for their loss, is hard. Amy Price's parents are two faces that no matter how hard he tries, he will never forget their anguish. Which is exactly why he needs to warn Bruce Wayne before Maddie meets the same fate; how is it right, how can he see her son without his mother's fate etched across his face? Maddie always told him the truth, granted some things shouldn't be shared, but she has never once knowingly lied to him, especially if it meant he would be in danger. The detective side of him argues constantly with the other side of him, the side that is desperate to protect Maddie, to chase away the shadows that darken her path. Even as an officer of the law he knows that not everyone can or wants to be protected, but sometimes there are lines that must be crossed, no matter what your training tells you.
"Stephen, what's troubling you?"
His head jolts at Gordon's voice, the case has stripped the colour from Gordon's face, and now every time they see each other, his face old and grey, is still newly shocking.
"We should tell them what's happening," he doesn't need to explain, Gordon is far too experienced, knows him too well to question him.
"On one hand we should, I'd want to know if someone wanted me dead, God knows it would save a lot of stress," "but on the other hand we don't know who it is we're looking for."
He points to Gordon as he finishes his sentence, the silence stretches between them.
"We knew Amy was working the streets, maybe we should go and talk to some of the girls? See if anyone new was hanging around, if anyone had threatened them."
A heartbeat passes. Gordon looks at him, hopeful.
"You do know some of her friend's right?" A silent plea.
"A few of them, one of them Sasha, came with her 'boyfriend' to help us ID the body, I could talk to her..."
Gordon nods and turns, intent on leaving, "who would we ask if Maddie died?"
Even though his back is turned, Gordon's attention remains on him, "who would help us ID her? Who would come with Bruce and Alfred to ask us why we didn't see this coming?"
Gordon hesitates for a moment, then shakes his head.
"There was a case a while back remember, about that woman who was getting stalked? We didn't know who her stalker was until she decided to take it into her own hands and kill her ex boyfriend. Turns out it wasn't him, how can we let Maddie go through that constant paranoia, not knowing who to trust or who to turn to? This could undo her even more than telling her, the manor is like a fortress Stephen, if she's safe anywhere it's there."
He reaches his hand out to touch Gordon, just to feel something solid, something safe, Gordon however remains unreachable.
"The regret of what we're doing will come back to us..." another nod, "but some things are meant to be kept to yourself, there is no other way Stephen. Go and talk to Amy Price's friends, see if we can get a lead then go home and rest, I'll see you tomorrow."
(tea break!)
"Here you go," he places the steaming cup of hot coffee in front of Sasha Gray, she greedily accepts the mug, sighing as her hands make contact with the burning mug. He stays silent as they add milk and sugar to their drinks, Sasha's eyes finally meeting his.
"I've been thinking more about her lately, me and Amy shared a flat, she wanted to stop I said we should go for one more week. So stupid..." she trails off and he allows the quiet.
"I came here to ask you if Amy was worried about anything. If she had any old or new clients who made her feel threatened, if she'd been sent anything?"
She swallows deeply, her teeth burrow into her lips.
"No there was no one, she rarely went out and when she did it was the same guys. The last time I saw her she got into a car with this guy called Sam I think his name was. Never heard his last name, she never asked and I never wanted to know, it's not usually something we need."
He stills, another dead end, another list of possibilities. "Tell me about this Sam guy, what was he like?"
"Fine, he never hit her or anything, always tipped her extra. He started hanging around about a few months ago, no one else really ever saw him."
An eyebrow rises, "how come you never saw him?"
"I saw the back of him once, but that's it, she used to just go over to his car, he never needed to get out."
"So she never had any complaints about anyone?"
Irritation passes between them and he's aware of her violent past, scolding himself as he flinches from a woman smaller than him.
"No, if she did she would have told me, she told me everything; I knew every detail of her life. If she was upset she would have said, the only time I knew that something was wrong is when she didn't come home."
The coffee is suddenly not so appetising, his mother's words come back to him 'you can never let go of the past.'
His yearning desire to help Maddie could be the hindrance he has been desperate to avoid.
"Here's my card Sasha, if you can think of anything if you find anything, let me know please."
She scoffs, no one else matters but her friend, "please, more women could die, don't let what happened to Amy happen to anyone else."
Worrying is a human action; anxiety, fear its all relative. The bruised feeling after you can't help another seems crushing; we all want to defeat the demons.
Maddie's POV
The words were hard enough to say, the letter; putting the words onto paper was harder still. Somehow, long before this moment I knew I would have to do this; for me this is my insurance, my last chance to explain everything, to gain my redemption, for her to understand even if she doesn't right now. This is my last precious gift to her; she needs to know how I feel about her, that I was never truly mad at her, that I never blamed her for anything. The letter sealed and finished I head to my car for another day of work; my annoyance is increased when I open my door to see the car seat slumped against the wheel.
"Bruce, seriously? Why can't you just put it in the back?"
Without caring much, I shove the seat into the back, cursing again as I barely reach the wheel, damn Bruce and his messing around with my car. "I don't have time for this Bruce." I pull into my usual spot; having an earlier shift than normal I'm for once not unsettled by the empty parking lot. I hear the woman before I see her; her soft whimpers expand in the quiet air. I move closer to the barrier; her white hands clench the bars.
"Hey, hey!"
She doesn't move, instead she leans further to the edge, the blood drips onto the floor from her hand.
"Your hand is bleeding, come on step back over the rail and I'll help you."
I look around desperately for help and swing my legs over the railings, she twitches and cries harder.
"Can I see your hand please?" She nods, placing her hand into mine, I uncurl it, desperately checking for blood. There's no injury.
"I can't see where the blood is coming from."
She speaks for the first time, I feel her eyes glare into me.
"Try the stomach Maddie," the cold feeling returns to me.
I look up, already knowing who to expect. James grins back at me, waving his hand in my face.
"Stop it, stop it now!"
"Maddie no don't do it!"
The Chief runs over, his body hitting the railing vibrates into me. My body shakes more.
"Come over the edge please don't do it," I interrupt him, clinging onto the side, searching the empty lot for a site of James.
"Can you see him, can you see James? I can feel the blood on me!"
He shakes his head, "no, Maddie we're totally alone up here you have nothing on you, just give me your hand and I'll pull you back over and we can go somewhere safe."
The tears feel ice cold against my face, I paw them away. "No go away! I'm not crazy, but I see him all the time and it's so hard to ignore it."
Hands grasping, he tries again, "I know, but Maddie we need to get you off this ledge think of your son ok, he needs his mother."
I nod and turn around slowly, grasping onto his hand he pulls me back over the edge.
He looks at me, eyes reflecting the look I've seen so many times. "I think we need to talk..."
(Chiefs office)
"Maddie what happened out there?"
I look down at my folded hands, ignoring the fact that Jane's office is mere doors away from this one.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me," I look at him and he nods, nudging the bottle of water to me.
"I saw a woman on the edge of the car park, I went over to her and she was bleeding, I wanted to help her so I climbed over and I looked at her hand and then I saw James. I know it's not him but it feels real; I wasn't trying to jump, if hasn't come that far yet, but I'm scared that it will and no one will be around to catch me when I fall. I see and feel him everywhere and I know that's not right, I know I shouldn't be seeing my dead fiancé but I do."
"Maddie how are you feeling?"
The moment to stop lying is now.
"I feel like... I'm moving in slow motion. Like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is hazy and hard and I just wanna go back, to when things were normal... when I wasn't poor crazy Maddie looking like I'm about to jump off buildings with her... her dead fiancé who she keeps talking to. But I am, so I can't change anything; it's too late. And I'm.. just stuck. And there's all this pressure cause everyone's hovering around me waiting for me to do something or say something or flip out or yell or cry and I can't I have to be perfect cause it's expected of me; everyone has a part to play in life and is this mine, Bruce never had the same pressure on him but I do. And for a while I was happy to be propped up and wave and smile at people and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable... but I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. I don't know who this person is. And I'm scared that because of what is happening my son will be taken off me and I know there are people out there who want that. Before I was fine, really fine, and now... I thought I was a doctor, a good doctor, because for a while it was the one thing I knew how to do; but I'm not that person anymore. I thought I was but I'm not, so I quit. I can't do this anymore. Please don't tell anyone what happened; the way they would look at me I wouldn't be able to take it."
His hands meet mine, I've never held them before and I'm fascinated by the texture of his skin, the tightness of his grip as though he still feels like we're back on that edge.
"Maddie it doesn't have to end like this; I won't accept your resignation you go and get better, not just because you're a surgeon and a damn good one but because you're my friend ok? You get better and not for Bruce, or me or your son but for you. If there's anyone who deserves to be happy it's you."
I was expecting more; a few accusations, an appearance from James maybe thrown in for good measure.
"Thank you, I'm sorry I let you down."
"Maddie..."
I wave and turn to leave, this is where it's got to; losing my job, losing my bosses respect for me, it can't get much worse... but we all know it's possible.
Instead of emptying my locker I place the letter behind the photo of me and Jane, somewhere she'll find it. My insurance, my life line.
Bruce's POV
"I thought we'd have chicken tonight, nice and simple if you're off out again tonight Sir."
"That'll be great Alfred, make sure to leave some out for Maddie, she freaked the last time we didn't."
Alfred winces at the memory and they both exchange a small, guilty smile.
"She seems better now doesn't she? I know the whole thing with Helena is still ongoing but it may do Mads some good to stay away from her, she's just being reminded of James. She just isn't sharing much still, with me or Jane, any of us."
Alfred sighs, turning his attention from the food, "sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in Master Wayne, where the only person who can judge is you. Everyone judges Miss Maddie, she's been in front of the cameras since before she was born, it's always been unsettling for her."
"Yeah, well..." He slams his hand down on the vibrating phone, grinning at the possibilities of who it can be; instead he is surprised to see Jane's name on the screen.
"Hello Jane, what's the matter?"
Maddie's POV
"Alright I can handle this; everything is going to be fine."
I turn the key into the ignition again; the car splutters and moans, but once again refuses to start. I practically hit the roof when my phone goes off; hands shaking I slide the cover up; freezing as James' name shows.
"Hello?"
"Maddie, Jane called me and said you'd quit the hospital, where are you?"
"Hey, Bruce I can't talk right now...I think I'm lost."
I run my fingers through my dishevelled hair more, a vain attempt to soothe myself.
"Maddie just stay where you are ok? I'll come and find you; do you have any idea where you could be?"
"I don't really know but I can't start my car and... and this day just really sucks, I can't..."
The panic reflects in both our voices; I feel sick and Bruce doesn't sound far behind.
"Maddie don't do anything ok just stay put."
I hold the phone away from my ear; his voice sounds so far away, difficult to hear.
"Hello?"
"Maddie, can you hear me?"
I tap my fingers against the steering wheel, "um, look I... I quit my job and can you guys please come and get me?"
"I'll try ok, just lock the car door and I'll find you soon... Maddie?" His voice cuts out.
"Bruce? Bruce please I'm really scared... I."
The battery on my cell dies completely, great timing as always. I throw my phone down on the floor and rest my head against the wheel, trying to remember how to breathe.
Bruce's POV
He paces back and forth; his usual calm exterior for once forgotten.
"I don't know where she could be, she didn't sound right Alfred, I don't know what to do with her."
"Master Bruce if you will I believe I know where Miss Madeline could be. During the call I heard the sound of many trucks that amount of trucks in one place could mean she is near the Bridge."
"I need to go to her, if you're right that's a bad area I can't let anything happen, you stay here with Mat, and I'll go and get Maddie... she will be alright, won't she Alfred?"
He winces at how weak he sounds; not at all like the man who protects an entire city and her people. "Of course Master Bruce, bring her home."
Maddie's POV
The hand gently brushes my shoulder, fingers tangle in my wavy hair. The voice is unlike the soft caresses.
"Maddie when you just gonna do it huh? I mean how many more people have to die for you? Your parents died, your fault, and then Bruce left- your fault, then Dwayne died once again Maddie your fault, I think we can see a pattern merging here. The bridge is just up there; go on go, just run!"
I pull on the handle, throwing myself out of the car, looking back to see the usual smirk adorning his face; the whites of his shirt dripping in blood.
Bruce's POV
Luckily for him he is Bruce Wayne; anyone else speeds that fast they'd spend the night in a prison cell then the next morning in front of the judge. Luckily he knows car and even more luckier he brought his sister's car; he can recognise it anywhere. It's almost with relief that he sees it, he pulls behind it; empty. He slams the car door shut, frowning against the sun.
"Maddie no!"
Maddie's POV
"It's okay, there's no need to be afraid. You know what you have to do. It's the best thing. The best thing for everyone. It's something you should've done a long time ago. Jump. Just fucking jump Maddie."
I shake my head pitifully, there's no use in even arguing.
"I don't want to. I don't want to leave Mat."
His impatient, his tone becomes more desperate, his pace quickens.
"Yes you do, he'd be so much better off without you, you're a murderer, a person like that can't raise a child."
I turn to look him in the eyes, my hands out in a desperate plea.
"This isn't me; I'm sorry for killing you, please stop it now, please! There I said it, I said that I killed you and I was sorry please just go!"
"Maddie no!"
His voice calls to me, If the situation wasn't so bad I would laugh at the site of Bruce climbing; desperate not to fall; I make the snap decision before James can react and run.
"Maddie come back here now!" I throw myself into Bruce's arms; blocking out James' threats.
"Maddie, its ok I've got you its ok, everything will be fine. Let's get you home."
(Later... ooooh!)
I hold Mat, marvelling at the fact that for once he is still, not desperately reaching out for someone else, but here with me. Bruce knocks lightly on the door, pushing it open when I answer.
"What went wrong at the hospital Jane said the Chief just told her you wanted time off? I thought you said you were ok to go back? Maddie please tell me; if you're struggling we can help, we can all help. If you need to talk to anyone, then cost is no object. I'll get the best doctors out there if that's what you want."
I hold my hand up, before returning it to stroke Mat's curls; he stirs; letting out a soft yawn.
"Stop talking ... I mean it ... there is nothing to talk about. There is nothing to discuss."
He nods his head, liar.
"It doesn't sound like there's nothing to talk about, you've quit the job you once loved and I found you on a bridge..."
I turn Mat away from him, away from what I've become.
"And I told you there was nothing to discuss did you not hear me? You're hearing what I'm saying but you're not listening."
"Ok so nothing is wrong you keep telling yourself that, maybe soon you'll believe it, because I don't."
I told you he wouldn't believe your lies forever Maddie.
"Can you please... please, just get out? I want to be alone with my son."
He reaches for me, I'm unreachable.
"I can help you, we can all help you, you're just pushing us away, and I know something's going on Maddie. I want to know whose shirt that is that Mat sleeps with, I know it's not James'; you know it's not James' just stop with the lies."
"What are you talking about? I think those whacks you get to the brain hurt you more than what you think."
He towers over me, like my own judge and jury.
"James liked the designer stuff, that's custom made, I saw it I just want to hear you say whose it is, because I think I know. I just don't want to believe it."
"Know what, you don't know anything that's happened."
He scoffs his features harsh; looking at me like I never wanted him too.
"Really? I know a lot more than you think I do. I know that shirt is the Joker's; my question is what else are you hiding?"
I continue to stare at the floor, lost in my own thoughts and world. A world where I could confess. I continue to stare at the floor. Then, even without meaning to I look at Mat and then back to the floor. It was a natural reaction, but that little look gave everything away.
"Maddie...Maddie no. He can't be his son, Maddie, Mat can't be..."
We both stare at Mat, at the features of Jack we both know so well.
"He has his eyes...he has Jack's eyes and you know it, you've seen them."
"Jack, so he told you his name and then what, you just started sleeping with him? What was it not good enough for you that he kidnapped you; you had to sleep with him?"
As I suspected, his revulsion just keeps coming.
"Stop...stop talking like I've done something bad, I have done no worse than you, but no you always get away with it Bruce. This pedestal that you and everyone else put me on he didn't see me like that, he sees people and he saw me. I know it's hard for you to understand but I kissed him maybe once and then it was me who went to him...first. It was me who went to him, not the other way around."
He moves further away from me, distaste. Hurt. Pain.
"Why, when you know he has killed so many people, he doesn't care about the people he kills! He killed Rachael! They're just toys and pretty soon he'll do the same to you and Mat and I'll be damned if I'm letting anything happen to either one of you! He kills everyone who gets close to him; I could show you police file after police file of people he's killed and tortured Maddie."
"He may have killed people but he could have killed me and didn't; he could have killed our son but he didn't, his seen him you know."
Terror. Shock.
"The guy at the gallery that was him, the business guy at the hospital after I had Mat that was him. You're so blind by what you think you know of him that you will never understand what I feel for him...what we feel for each other."
He goes to walk out of the room, I am desperate.
"Say anything, anything at all," I urge myself.
"He knows who you are," he turns around, "he knows who Batman is, he knows all about you and he hasn't done anything. Yet you have, remember the last time you came up against him? He barely fought back, he didn't fight back much because of me; because I told him I would hate him forever if he hurt you bad."
He shakes his head. No. The last time he was this disappointed I'd snuck out the house to go to a party when I was younger; I never wanted to see that look again.
"I...I need time to think. Who are you Mads?"
Silence is so freaking loud. An explosion in space makes no sound... at all.
Joker's POV
"Sam is becoming a problem gentlemen," he should have admitted it sooner, but as they always say; better late than never.
Speed puts up a shaky hand; he's doing better lately; the wound supposedly doing well.
"Speedy?"
"Boss, I thought he would never come back? You've got guys everywhere and we've not seen him anywhere... he disappeared good boss."
He rolls his eyes and tuts, his tongue sneaking out to lick his dry, cracked lips.
"He can't stay hidden forever now can he? Think of it as a game of hide and seek boys. Sammy is hiding and we gotta go and hunt that little rat out. First one who brings him back gets a surprise."
The newest recruits look excited; the chance to please him is always welcomed.
"You all remember what he looks like, can't be too hard to forget, got a face only a mother could love eh boys?"
They laugh louder than he does, desperate to please, only Speed and Bozo stop when others carry on.
"Enough!"
One word and they quit yapping; he runs a hand against his neck; the old paint crumbles off.
"Find him and bring him to me. If you boys want a happy Joker," they each look nervously at each other, "then you'll get him for me."
"Boss?" He rolls his eyes, forcing a sickly sweet smile on his face.
"Yes Micky?"
"What if we can't find him?" He titles his head, considering.
"I don't believe in failure, because even by saying you've failed, you've admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and bitch and moan and wait for things to drop into their laps."
He steps closer.
"The ones who question what I tell them, that pisses me off too."
Another step.
"Failure isn't what I'm asking for, he is one man; one man against you lot shouldn't be able to run for much longer. Find him. I don't care where you look or how long for, find him."
They nod, silenced.
"Good, now go," he looks at Bozo and Speed, "all of you."
"I won't be happy with anything less than what I want."
He turns away from them, turning the scarf between his fingers; "she won't accept anything less."
A/N: I told you it would be a long chapter! I hope this has been a good one and you could keep up with the continuing pov changes, all vital I can assure you! I got it out later than I wanted but it's still here! Thank you for being so patient and sticking with me! You all deserve a Joker for Christmas! Until I post again!
Yours,
Feels-Like-Paradise.