Chapter Twenty Five:
An hour passed and still he held her.
Her tears finally slowed and soon her breathing told him she had fallen asleep.
He glanced at the clock and knew Emma would be home soon but he could not seem to let go of her.
When the door finally opened, he gently eased himself from the bed, closing the door behind him.
"Hi Daddy!" she beamed.
"Did you have a good day?" he whispered.
"Yes…Bobby says he likes me…he even played with me," she said.
Emma looked around. "Where's Mommy?"
"She's lying down. She's not feeling well," he explained.
"Could we make a special dinner for Mommy?" she asked.
"I think that would be nice," he replied.
She hid her feelings from Emma as they sat there during dinner that evening.
She avoided eye contact with him.
Sara leaned over and kissed Emma.
"Thank you for dinner," she said.
"Night Mommy," called Emma.
Sara headed toward the door.
"Sara…wait," called Grissom.
He kissed Emma and winked at her before grabbing his jacket.
He followed Sara out the door.
"I thought we could ride together," he said.
"But…I have an appointment…later," she admitted.
He had not thought of that.
"I'll drop you off," he offered.
When she started to protest, he added. "I may work over anyway…paperwork."
Once they arrived, she stepped out of the vehicle and headed toward the door.
Nick waved at them.
Sara struck up a conversation as they entered the building while Grissom wondered how she had become so adept at hiding her feelings.
She was thankful when there was a case to work.
It had been awhile since everyone had been called out to a scene.
Greg was in rare form as he joked with everyone.
Sara grinned once or twice.
It almost seemed normal.
Grissom knew it wasn't.
His brother was in critical condition.
His brother had raped his wife….his Sara.
His wife had nightmares every time she slept and had grown accustomed to sleepless days and tear stained cheeks.
He'd watched her fall apart.
He'd held her while her body racked with anguish.
He glanced at her now as she shoved Greg, while he claimed injury.
Nick and Warrick chuckled while Catherine lectured them on goofing off on departmental time.
He'd watched her a thousand times before but this was different.
He was watching his wife.
Sara carried his name.
His eyes dropped to the task.
He wondered if she would let him give her more than just his name.
He wanted to show her how much he loved her.
He really did.
The whole idea scared the hell out of him.
What if she rejects me?
What if I remind her of him?
What if she wants what I want to give her?
His phone rang.
Sara's head bobbed up.
He glanced toward Sara as he whispered softly.
As the shift came to an end, she glanced up and saw him standing in front of her desk.
"About ready to go?" he asked.
She licked her lips.
She didn't know how to ask.
She knew he would not understand her need to know Graham's condition.
"The hospital called you," she said gently.
"Yes…there's been some improvement."
She nodded.
He'd tried for the life of him to figure out why Graham's condition matter to her.
It barely did to him.
He'd become Graham's guardian.
It was almost laughable that the brother who had detested him, now put his life in his hands.
"I brought my paperwork," he said holding up his briefcase.
"Look, I could get Nick…"
"It's no trouble," he emphasized.
"But…Emma…"
"I spoke with Emma…she understands," he stated.
She didn't.
She did not know why he insisted on taking her for counseling.
He pulled into the parking lot and looked at her.
"I'll be here," he said.
She disappeared into the building.
He pulled out the paperwork and tried to work on it but his eyes drifted toward the building.
Somewhere in that building she was confiding in a stranger.
He wanted her to feel safe and loved in hopes that she would confide in him again.
He sighed.
The pain he had inflicted ran deep.
He knew it would take time to rebuild that trust.
He didn't know why but he found himself drawn inside the building.
Grissom soon found himself in the lobby.
The receptionist smiled at him.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"My wife, Sara…Grissom…has an appointment," he explained.
"She didn't show," explained the receptionist.
This can't be happening again…
Fear gripped Grissom as he glanced around. "I …watched her…come inside."
"She called a few minutes ago…spoke with her counselor…she rescheduled," explained the receptionist.
"Thank you," said Grissom as he rushed to the exit.
He checked the entrance and then headed to the back exit.
He opened the back door and was relieved when he saw her sitting against the wall.
He stepped out and knelt beside her.
"I couldn't…talk today," she said quietly.
"You could have come back to the car," he urged.
"I needed to think," she whispered as her head landed in her hands. "I can't think…anymore."
He felt his heart thudding inside his chest as he listened carefully to what she admitted.
It was the first time she had offered any glimpse into her feelings.
"Want to…talk…to me?" he asked.
"No," came her reply.
She knew it made him angry.
He felt it as a rejection.
"You think this is easy for me to just open up to you? Try telling it to a stranger," she cried.
Her past had been painful the first time around but here lately it seemed as if she were on a merry go round of sorts.
Each moment of her life seemed to return to that time when she trusted Graham and he had violated that trust.
The last thing she wanted was to relive another minute of her past in any shape, form or fashion and Grissom had forced her to do that over and over until she felt that it would be less painful if she handed him a whip and asked for thirty lashes.
At least, it would be done.
The counseling was breaking open old wounds that would take much longer to heal this time and she wasn't sure she had the strength to endure the pain that went with it.
"You're not alone…this time," he whispered. "I'm with you."
She hated him at the moment.
She hated that he wanted to share in her pain.
She would gladly give it to him.
It was funny how much love and hate were closely entwined.
One minute she could feel her soul being lifted above the anguish at his attempts to make their marriage work and then were times, she felt as if he were an anchor that was slowly drowning her.
His eyes pleaded with her as his fingers caressed the palm of her hand.
"I remember seeing blood on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Richard was crying. He sat down and stared at the blood. I'd never seen him so…lost. I sat down beside him and…held…his hand….that's when I saw a body. I couldn't even recognize who it was…the face was gone. There was one high heel dangling from her right foot. Blood dripped from the hand onto the rug. I remembered when my mother killed my father and how the blood seemed to be everywhere…even on my clothes. I looked down and noticed a sonogram photo lying in the pool of blood. He noticed it then and…he cried harder. He wouldn't let go of my hand. I couldn't let go of his…it was as if I were back there…when…my mother killed my father. He was a lifeline…to the present and I…clung to it."
She swallowed.
She looked up at him with frightened eyes much like Emma.
Grissom extended his hand and she stared at it before taking it.
"Let's go…home," he whispered.
She lay there facing him in the bed.
He lay there in the dark waiting for her to speak.
When she remained quiet, he closed his eyes.
"Sara…how did…the Holmes find out…you were with Graham?"
"He called them….weeks later."
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I should have known…something was wrong when he began asking questions."
"What kind of questions?" he asked.
"He wanted to know about the seminar I attended. I told him I was interested in Forensics. He laughed bitterly…said I had my first case…but then he cried as he laughed. I glanced down and saw the…the…cuts on his hands."
"Melissa had been beaten…with a hammer. It lay in the pool of blood also. I…remembered getting sick and trying to get away from the smell of blood. It's funny but I don't remember what happened next. I woke up in a bedroom. He was sitting in a chair watching me. He said Melissa deserved to be dead…she had cheated on him…broken their vows...broken his heart…and now she was broken."
Grissom could feel her trembling.
"He spent the next several hours crying…just sitting in the chair while I tried to figure out how to get away. I remember hitting him when he tried to stop me from running out the door. Finally, he put me in the closet…locking it. I pounded and screamed until…I was hoarse. He used my own fears against me."
"Fears?"
"Of being locked away…my father did that…for days," she whispered.
So sorry, Sara…
"He finally came back and found me…I thought he was going to let me go. He quickly examined the bruises telling me how sorry he was for having to do that. He told me he'd taken care of the Holmes. They would not worry about me anymore…told them I was going to visit my biological mother. By the end of the week, I had slept little….refused to eat or drink. I could not stand his hands…on my body…while we slept. I don't think he had slept either. One evening, he seemed different. He recounted every word I had ever told him about my past almost verbatim. I must have begun to cry because he began to comfort me while…he raped me. I lost count of days…nights…waiting to die. He knew I had noticed the bruises and cuts on his hands from beating his wife to death and I figured it would be a matter of time before he killed me."
Her voice stopped and he waited for her to begin again.
"He knew I was becoming dehydrated and tried for hours to get me to drink but I refused. Finally one day he opened the blinds and brushed back my hair, telling me Joe would be there soon. He was… along with the police."
The room was dark but he knew she was crying. He felt her swipe at her eyes.
"He was found guilty despite his insistence that he didn't kill Melissa. Joe attended the trial. He went every day while I…tried to…decide what to do…with the pregnancy. I wanted to run…forget it ever happened but no matter where or how far I ran…I still had the baby to consider. Emma was always small…very small….hard to calculate…I… assumed…she was his. We'd used protection while he… One day I saw her on the ultrasound and I couldn't…imagine…harming her…but I hated him…hated him for what he did. I didn't want Emma to know what he did to me. I didn't want her to know her father was a murderer. I didn't want to look at my child and see him. I wanted her to have loving parents but I knew that I couldn't ensure that if I gave her away and left that decision to the State. I had seen firsthand what the State was capable of. The moment I held her I could not bear the thought of never knowing that I had done the right thing or not."
She gulped. "Mom knew me better than I knew myself. She and Dad decided to adopt Emma. That way I would know…could see Emma grow up but Emma would be free from the stigma of being the product of a rape and a mother who was a product of a violent past herself."
"I thought I had done the right thing…until I continued to hold her. Mom was always coming up with excuses for me to hold her…and I did. When she cried at night, I went to her. I did everything except claim her. I kept her identity hidden…I protected her…from me…and Graham."
She gulped. "I dreaded the day I would have to sign her away…even to them. It never came. Dad refused to proceed with the adoption. He said he couldn't bear to know what that would do to his little girl. We kept things the way they were…at least I thought. I didn't know Mom was preparing Emma…in case I…thought that I could be the mother Emma needed."
She took a deep breath. "I know….you…think…that…night…was wrong…but I'm glad…she's yours…not his."
"Sara…"
"Night," she said as she rolled over leaving a huge void between them.
He waited for the dreams.
He knew they would come.
He boldly scooted over and ever so gently stroked her hair.
He felt her body lean back into his.
He scooted closer until their bodies molded together.
He continued to stroke her hair as she drifted off to sleep.
He didn't want to stop.
Her words had been like a vice on his chest and even now he found it difficult to breathe.
She had been through so much and he could not stop from sending up several prayers of thanks to Emma and Joe Holmes.
They had truly loved Sara.
He continued to gently stroke her hair but being mindful not to wake her.
She'd told him more than he had wanted to know.
He could not fathom why she was concerned for Graham's welfare.
He wanted him dead.
When she woke, he was there beside her.
It felt strange waking up with arms and body entwined with another and not feel the need to flee.
She tried to lay there as if she was still sleeping but she knew it was getting late.
She tried to ease herself from the bed but his arms tightened around her and for a brief moment she thought to struggle.
The room was quite dark but she knew it was Grissom.
She knew the feel of his hands as well as the musky scent.
His hand gently stroked her arm and she felt a light kiss upon her cheek.
His hand descended to her waist, settling on her thigh.
Her skin tingled from the feel of him.
She waited for him to descend further but he didn't.
She boldly rolled to her back causing his hand to move inward.
Both lay still, unable to move.
He knew he was in trouble the moment she shifted.
He wanted very much to continue the exploration but forced himself to stop.
He rolled to his back as well.
The warmth of his body left hers sending a chill down her spine.
She quickly rolled to her side distancing herself from him.
The move did not go unnoticed.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
He rolled over.
His hand hovered in the dark above her body.
He wasn't sure whether his touch was welcome or not.
He chose to pull back, resting it on his side.
Her phone rang.
She reached for it in the dark.
"Sidle," she replied.
She took a deep breath. "I'll be there."
She set the phone back on the side table.
"Lab?" he asked.
"A break in my case," she said.
He listened as she tossed her legs over the side of the bed.
He could hear the soft padding of feet and then the click of the bathroom light just as it shut.
Grissom turned on the bedside lamp.
He knew she had slept little but at least it had been a restful sleep as he held her.
She stepped out of the bathroom in record time.
He could not keep his eyes from the long slender legs as she opened the closet and took out some clothes.
She disappeared once more into the bathroom.
When she returned he was in the kitchen.
The smell of coffee floated in the air.
He handed her a mug and she took it.
"I'll call Emma," she said as she headed toward the door.
She forgot her car keys in her haste to escape.
She turned to find him standing there with them in his hand.
She reached for them, letting her fingers caress his as she took them from him.
Without thought, she leaned over and kissed him on the lips.
It took him by surprise.
He tasted of hazelnut coffee.
Her lips lingered there a moment before she disappeared out of the door.
Grissom stood there shocked, wanting more and needing more than he was willing to ask.
Note from author:
Looks like Sara is changing....her feelings...
Take care!