Chapter Twenty-Five: Loss

There was a very brief moment of confused silence. Everyone looked at Eaglestrike like he was crazy, the words spilling from his mouth nothing more than the ramblings of someone that had lost their mind. Then the eyes travelled slowly to Willowclaw, because it almost made sense. Long ago he had served Crimson, done everything she'd said without asking why, and they all knew it had been soldiers who'd killed Icepetal's mother. Willowclaw felt like shrinking under their gazes. He knew he was guilty, and everyone else was about to know as well.

Icepetal puffed out a quiet laugh. "Don't be stupid, Eaglestrike, he wouldn't have done that. He would have told me if he had." He hated looking at her light smile knowing that he would have to break it when he told her Eaglestrike was telling the truth. Why had he kept it a secret so long? He should have told her the moment they left the mountain. It would have been easier then. Now...now he didn't know what was going to happen.

"Why would I lie about this? What do I have to gain from making this up?" Eaglestrike spat.

Arrow's ears were flicked back, his eyes darting from his mate to Icepetal. "He sort of has a point."

"Oh don't agree with him," Icepetal snorted. "You'll only inflate his ego. Go on, Willowclaw, tell everyone he's lying."

His silence did not help. His mouth refused to spit out the words resting heavily on his tongue, choking him. Lies, excuses, he couldn't think of them. The truth was all that was left and it physically hurt to drag it up his throat. When he looked at Icepetal she was staring back at him, expression slowly falling into a twisted sort of sadness, and disbelief. He was supposed to love her with all his heart and here he was about to break hers into pieces.

"Willowclaw?" she mumbled. "It's not true...right?"

He opened his mouth and what he'd tried to keep hidden fell out. "It's true."

"No, you're just trying to make the joke last longer." Icepetal's laugh was forced. "Stop it, it's not funny anymore."

"I'm not joking, Icepetal. What Eaglestrike said is true. I killed your mother," he said miserably.

Tornheart jabbed Eaglestrike roughly in the side when he opened his mouth to say something. He frowned at her as he shifted back onto his paws and had the decency to look a little bad about what he'd done. They watched as Icepetal fought to say something, as her throat worked around bitter words she wanted to throw about the stupid joke they were playing. But the look of sadness on Willowclaw's face told her that this was not a joke. They were not messing around. Her eyes flicked to his paws where hidden away were claws stained with her mother's blood. A choked noise escaped.

"How? Why?" was all she managed to say.

"It was the first time Crimson had sent me away from the mountain to put what I had been learning into practice. I wasn't very old, maybe nine moons? The cats I were with were a Commander and elites, they were going to settle a deal that had been made with a Clan warrior. Apparently the warrior had sold out a loner hiding out just below the mountains. Our duty was to convince them to join us..or kill them if they refused. We didn't know who they were or that they were a queen nursing kits. The elites went in first to make sure it wasn't a trap. They found the Clan warrior escaping with some kits. We went in next to speak with the loner. She refused to join us, so the Commander ordered I kill her," Willowclaw explained softly.

Icepetal looked shocked. "Why did you do it? Why did you kill her? You saw she had kits!"

"Back then I lived to serve Crimson. Every command she gave me I carried out without a second thought. When the Commander told me it was my duty I did it. I'm not proud of it, Icepetal. I hate knowing that I was the one that tore you away from you mother. I'm so sorry."

"But you kept this all to yourself," she murmured, eyes cold. "You've known about this for moons yet you never told me. Were you just expecting to get away with this? Did you hope I never found out about this!?"

"Yes. I had hoped you would ever find out. I was going to tell you but you were so happy to be finally going home that I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry, Icepetal," he sighed.

"I'm not sure whether to be angry or sad." Willowclaw jerked his head up to meet her awfully blank gaze. "We're supposed to trust each other, and you were going to keep this a secret for the rest of our lives."

He could feel his heart pounding. "I know what I did was wrong. I'm so sorry, I really am. There's nothing I want more than to take it back. I hate what I did because of Crimson."

"Sorry won't bring my mother back!" Icepetal shouted. "Sorry doesn't change the fact that you murdered her and planned to keep it a secret until I died. That's not love, Willowclaw!"

Tornheart nudged Icepetal gently. "What Willowclaw did when he was Crimson's champion was awful but he knew nothing else. He was bred to serve her. He had no idea who your mother was when he was commanded by his superiors to kill her. Please keep that in mind."

"Then he should have told me!"

"Would it have made a difference?" Tornheart asked.

"It might have if I had been able to hear the truth from Willowclaw, not Eaglestrike. Or am I not allowed to be upset that he murdered my mother because 'he didn't know any better'?" Icepetal spat back, hackles lifting.

"How could you kill Icepetal's mother?" Sunrise said quietly. "How could you kill anyone?"

Willowclaw hung his head, "I didn't know she was Icepetal's mother at the time. None of you understand how much I wish I could take it back. I didn't want to lose you, Icepetal."

"I was there that day, Willowclaw. You could have killed me too. It could have been my bones as well as my mother's you found in that hollowed out tree. How does that make you feel?" she hissed.

He stammered, "it makes me feel awful."

Icepetal rose to her paws, "now you know how I feel," and began to walk away, heading towards the slope leading from the basin. Feeling terrible Willowclaw jumped after her. All he wanted to do was apologise over and over. It seemed that all he could do to Icepetal recently was hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her. So why did it keep happening?

"Wait, Icepetal, where are you going? Please stop. I just want to talk this out," he called after her, stopping abruptly when she tossed a fierce snarl at him over her shoulder. He could see her facade cracking; the Chosen Icepetal becoming the bitter, orphaned Icepetal exiled from her own Clan. It was hidden in the way her eyes shined with unshed tears, the way her shoulders slouched, the way her body shook ever so slightly. He had done that. He was the cause for her trembling: him doing what Crimson had told him to do without a second thought.

"Anywhere that isn't here," she hissed.

"Please, I just want to talk about this," Willowclaw pleaded.

Her hiss turned into a growl, "Stay away from me, Willowclaw. Just stay away. I don't want anything to do with you right now."

He could feel his heart breaking. "Why," he mumbled, "why do you hate me so much?"

"You killed my mother, you idiot, and then you kept it a secret from me for moons. Do you just expect me to forgive you straight away? 'Oh it's okay, dear, I understand you didn't know any better, it's not your fault'. Well it is your fault. You killed her. It was your decision." She was trotting away, nearly breaking into a lope, in her haste to be away from him.

"Don't go."

Icepetal laughed, and it was a harsh sound. "It's too late for pleading.

"I love you. I always will."

Her words were quiet but he still heard them and they hurt worse than any other wound he'd been lucky enough to receive. "I don't think I love you." With his mouth dangling open, words dead on his tongue, all he could do was watch as Icepetal slipped out of sight.

Behind them there was a startled mew followed by a vicious snarl. Wrenching his head away from the basin slope he saw Tornheart dragging Eaglestrike towards her, eagle-like talons sunk into his shoulders the colour of her magic. He wriggled and writhed but his struggles were useless, Tornheart's power was fuelled by emotions and right now she was furious. He was dumped at her paws, and he scowled up at her like a scolded apprentice.

"You, you, you ungrateful, useless, dim-witted, heap of fox-dung!" Tornheart shouted. "Do not think I have not forgotten what Sunrise told us. If you were not important to the future of these Clans then I would inform Amory about what you did to Hope. Stop behaving like a spoilt kit, Eaglestrike. The survival of the Clans is more important than your wounded pride. Get out of here before I throw you off the edge over there."

As Eaglestrike crawled away on his belly Willowclaw stamped on his tail, making sure his claws dug into skin. "I would kill you myself if you weren't important. Maybe I will when we finish the task StarClan gave us; for killing Hope and for screwing up everything between me and Icepetal."

"Sure, just add another name to the list of cats you've killed," Eaglestrike snapped back.

Only Sunrise slipping in between them stopped Willowclaw from ripping to Eaglestrike's haunches with claws aching to spill his blood. "This won't make anything better," the apprentice said. "Stop it."

"I'm going to find Icepetal," Willowclaw muttered. A tail barred his way.

Arrow frowned at him. "You heard what she said. She doesn't want to see you let alone talk to you. Leave her be for a little while. She'll come around."

"You also heard what she said!" he protested, "she said she didn't love me anymore. I have to go and talk to her. I can't stand the thought of her not loving me because of something like this. You need to let me go fix it."

He shook his head, "not happening, Willowclaw. Trust me. Running after her now will only make it worse. When she wants to talk to you she will come and talk to you. Go and hunt something to get your mind off her and off killing Eaglestrike."

Grumbling under his breath, and shooting glares at Eaglestrike, Willowclaw was the next to climb out of the basin. A patrol followed swiftly after him containing a very amused Aspenthorn and concerned Fadedtail. The group Eaglestrike had ventured back down into the valley with had created strong loyalties with the PhoenixClan warrior, though Aspenthorn did not like to admit it.

"Where are you creeping off to, Sunrise?" Tornheart enquired, brows raised.

"Uh, I was going to grab some prey," she stammered in reply.

Tornheart shook her head and indicated for the apprentice to follow her. "I don't think so. We're going out to train this new power of yours so you don't accidentally kill anyone else. Come on. If you're lucky we'll only train until this evening."

"I'll come watch," Arrow yawned.

They left Eaglestrike still crouched close to the ground. He watched them go with a narrowed gaze and lashing tail. They had no right to be angry at him for the secret Willowclaw had planned on keeping forever. There were still more things Willowclaw had to reveal, like the fact he'd played an important part in the hardships of all their lives. A hiss threaded from his throat. Whatever, let them treat him like the villian. He didn't care. A faint murmur touched at his ear and he rolled his eyes. Just what he needed right now.

Crimson rolled into existence before his eyes, leering smile far too close for comfort. Her eyes smiled as brightly as she did. "I'm glad one of us can find the amusement in this situation," he whispered.

"I find any pain my killers feel highly amusing," she shot back, smile growing toothy. "I find my champion's pain even more amusing. He wasn't raised to be a social elite. I am very interested to see how this plays out. Will he get the love of his life back?" Crimson sighed dreamily, "or will she crush his fragile heart between her paws and laugh at him? I find the latter much more appealing."

"Can you take your crazed ramblings elsewhere? I'm busy," Eaglestrike shook some dirt from his fur. Grovelling at their paws had not been pleasant. But it had gotten him out of the precarious situation with only a pricked tail, not a slashed throat.

She snorted. "Busy doing what? Moping because nobody likes you anymore?"

"Oh, shut up. Plenty of cats still like me. I don't know why I'm even talking to you. I have a mate and kits to entertain," he sneered.

Crimson flicked a smoky tail at him, then began to fade. "I do believe there is somebody else that wants your attention," she grinned before disappearing entirely. He did hate her impromptu appearances.

Sighing he shifted his gaze around the basin. Crackingice was shouting at her apprentice, one of Heathersky's kits, about wet moss. Laughing at the apprentice's misfortune was their siblings, three little heads sticking out from the willow leaves. Most of the others awake were lazily sharing tongues. He spotted Shiverlight coaxing their kits out into the sun. It was warm enough now for them to come out. Smiling, he was about to join them when a shadow fell beside him.

"That seemed like a strange conversation for six cats to be having early in the morning," Amory mused, sitting down beside Eaglestrike with a gentle smile.

"What do you want?" he asked bluntly, not in the mood to deal with his leader.

The golden tom was watching Shiverlight. "I would like to know why Icepetal left here in a hurry after shouting at Willowclaw. I would also like to know why Tornheart elected to use her power on you."

"Ask one of them. I'm not interested in discussing it," he replied.

Amory sighed, "I want you to be able to talk to me about the things that bother you. I am your friend."

"That's not what you said a few days ago," Eaglestrike snorted. "Well done on bringing your apprentice back half dead by the way."

"Ah, I see. Eaglestrike, I would like to apologise for how I behaved that morning. It wasn't the best way to speak to you, and I am sorry. Forgive me?" He looked so earnest and genuinely concerned that Eaglestrike might remain angry at him for much longer. It softened something in him.

"I forgive you. Does this mean I get my apprentice back?"

Amory grimaced. "No. When you can prove to me that you are completely ready to resume her training then I will gladly hand her over. Training isn't really a fancy of mine, but she is an important cat and thus she deserves the best."

"Well this conversation was pointless," he muttered. "Can I go now? I'd like to talk to my mate."

"Just one more thing. Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened earlier? It looks like it's really upset you," he asked quietly.

Eaglestrike glanced back over at the slope leading from the basin, ears flicking back. "It was just a disagreement between friends, nothing for you to worry about. We'll sort it out." He gave Amory a very fake smile, "We've been through a lot, something like this won't tear us apart." Liar.

"Come talk to me if you need someone to just listen," Amory offered.

It was tempting, though Eaglestrike would never admit it. "I have a mate for that," he reminded.

"Does the same go for me?"

"Huh?"

"If I ever needed someone to just listen, would you?"

"Uh, I guess so. Why? Is there something you want to talk about?"

"No," Amory smiled, waving a tail at the returning dawn patrol. "Thank you, Eaglestrike, you are free to go."

Perplexed Eaglestrike shuffled away from his leader.

Out of the basin and lingering awfully close to the shamble of debris that had once blocked the valley from the mountain, Icepetal paced back and forth. She'd worn a furrow in the dirt, paws following the same dent as she mulled over the morning's events. Sunrise could pull blood from bodies. Eaglestrike had thrown Hope off a cliff. Willowclaw had killed her mother. She flinched. Though what she felt for him was no longer the same as what she'd felt for him back at the mountain it still hurt to know he'd kept it a secret. Sure she might have reacted much the same, but that wasn't the point; he'd planned to carry on like nothing had happened, spend the rest of his days as her mate pretending all was okay. Her lip curled. She was so angry at him, and at Eaglestrike.

Her eyes drifted to the valley. She knew where he was. He'd said he would always listen. But she'd always kept her visits days apart. It made her presence in the valley harder to pick up if her scent was given time to dissipate. Still, the need to talk to someone was awful. Icepetal stared back up the mountain path, into the sparse trees and gray walls. Tornheart was really the only cat she could talk to, but she was busy with Sunrise. Risingwhisper would just laugh, and it didn't seem fair to push her troubles onto Heathersky. A huff of breath pushed from her mouth. It seemed Cyrith was the only one left.

It was still nerve-wracking sneaking into the valley. She knew Amory would kill her without a second thought if he found out. Whether it was to ensure the safety of the Clans or for some other reason, he was very firm in his insistence that no one go back down to their old home. She believed there was an ulterior motive for it; there was an ulterior motive behind everything he did and she would find out what it was. Amory was not to be trusted, her gut told her that much.

A cold silence always seemed to grip RisingClan's territory, and a nasty wind constantly whistled. It was Wind's doing of course, she liked the feeling of her element buffeting past her no doubt. There had been a few times Icepetal had seen the small she-cat's silhouette through the ice pillars. Moments like those had nearly induced a heart attack. Wind was not fond of the Clans. None of them were fond of their targets except Cyrith, apparently.

The snow beneath her paws was thick, and her legs ached by the time she'd ploughed through to RogueClan's land. Underneath the tangled trees there was less snow and more ice, the swamps mostly frozen over. Where there was snow it had mixed with the mud to create an awful mess. Icepetal's nose scrunched up when her paw slipped into a puddle of it. She tsked and shook most of it off, "disgusting."

"Perhaps you should have stayed up in your mountain prison then," a rough voice said.

Icepetal froze. That was not Cyrith's voice, there was no teasing lilt to it and it was too deep. Her heart trembled, her legs did the same. To her left, lounging in the fork where a tree split, was a shaggy, tabby tom. He stared at her with pale green eyes that drooped slightly. His face was wide and his muzzle was short, ears more rounded than pointed.

Earth tilted his head. "Would you like to explain why you are down here?"

"It's none of your business," she shot back, hoping he couldn't hear the breathlessness in her voice.

"You are standing in my territory, so I'm afraid that does make it my business." He sounded almost bored. "No matter. Whatever excuse you use would mean nothing."

Icepetal hissed at him, "this won't be your territory for much longer."

His eyes narrowed, and realisation crossed his face. "I recognise you. You're Icepetal, aren't you? Oh my day just got so much more interesting. Ice has a pretty little grudge on you and your friends, especially that little kit." Earth's smile was unsettling. "You're coming with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" she snarled, backing up rapidly.

"It wasn't a question."

There were tree roots wrapping around her throat, circling and constricting like a soil-covered snake. Her mouth opened in a strangled cry. She fell back onto her rump and reached up with both forepaws to try and scratch them away. Two of her claws snagged and ripped loose. Her lungs screamed for air, dots beginning to mass before her eyes. She slipped onto her side, flanks heaving for air that would never go beyond her mouth. Through her hazy vision she saw an orange shape crash through the undergrowth. A final attempt at struggling failed and she allowed her eyelids to flutter shut.