Kakashi stared at the choppy water, the color of steel and just as cold as it slid over his fingers and inside his fingerless gloves as he hauled in the nets. By the end of the day, his gloves would be white and half frozen stiff, but without them, the crude netting would cut and slice into his hands to be followed by the sting of salt. He'd thought his hands were tough enough for anything, worn by years of handling metal weaponry and smashing against ungiving flesh, but suddenly being thrust into the life of a fisherman taught Kakashi he was wrong.
To Kakashi's right, Ichiro hauled the netting with bare hands as if he felt nothing - even Inari's hands on the left were calloused enough, and he a boy of fifteen.
The very first time they took Kakashi out on the boat - and boat was a generous word for the tiny, banged up dinghy that Isamu had patched up - Kakashi had been thankful for his mask, sure it hid tinges of green. Still, he kept his composure and took his turn rowing until Ichiro announced it was time to stop. Then Kakashi calmly stood up and stepped off the boat, much more comfortable in the open sea with his chakra to stand on, and thrust a lightning filled fist into the frigid water.
All around, fish began to float to the surface belly up, but to Kakashi's surprise, they were mostly small fish, hardly worth eating. Ichiro and Inari had laughed at him.
"Did you think we needed more bait?" Ichiro asked, taking a swig of fresh water. "Well, go on, then. Gather it up."
After that, Kakashi had followed Ichiro's lead silently. At the end of the day, when they were headed home and Kakashi was sullenly picturing the glee on Sakura's face at his expense when she heard about the day's happenings, Ichiro clapped him on the back.
"It's a man's work, eh? A little different than the old days, maybe. You'll get used to it."
Inari grinned. "Isn't it cool? This is almost like my father used to do it. But we had a better boat. And it wasn't so cold."
Kakashi just grunted. When they landed to find Daichi helping Sai out of a net he'd found himself hopelessly tangled in, Kakashi felt a bit better.
Each day got a little easier until at last even Kakashi's muscles didn't ache, as well trained as they were. Now it was only his hands that gave him away.
When they were done and the boat was fully moored, Kakashi made his way to the raised cabin he shared with Sakura. As he climbed the stairs to the front door, he heard cursing so foul it would have made her mother's hair curl, had she still been alive. Good. Sakura was home. The thought warmed the sea chill right out of Kakashi's bones.
She paid him little mind as he entered, only a distracted greeting tossed over her shoulder indicating she noticed him at all. She was bent over the long table he supposed served as a counter or storage space of some type but generally went wholly unused by them. Today, Sakura was using it as a fish cleaning station, albeit awkwardly, having to work around her fully ripened pregnant belly.
"Gutting fish inside the house." Kakashi propped his shoulder against the doorjamb, watching her tongue poking out between her lips in utter concentration. "Appropriate. Logical. Won't smell at all."
Sakura's knife slipped and she cut something Kakashi was fairly certain was meant to stay intact. "I can't do it outside, can I, or the other women will see how hopeless I still am at it, won't they?"
Sakura's tone was bordering on dangerous and Kakashi raised his hands in supplication. "Where'd you get the fish? We just came in," he said in a tactical changing of subject.
"Sai smuggled it to me. I think he might have put one down his pants, but I guess it's still edible. We're having dinner here tonight, just me and you. It was supposed to be a surprise and ready when you got home, but you can see how well that's going."
She sounded miserable. A strand of hair fell out of her hair tie and kept tickling her nose. She tried to blow it away and then to swipe it away without using her scaly hands. Kakashi stepped forward and tucked it behind her ear, chuckling at the petulant scowl on her face.
"Marry me."
He didn't plan it, but the slack jawed look on her face that made her slightly resemble the fish she was filleting made it worth it.
"What?" she spluttered.
"You heard me. Or is your hearing as bad as your butchering skills?"
"I'll butcher you," she pouted, but still, the corners of her mouth were fighting a smile.
Once again, Kakashi reached up and pushed away the stubborn piece of hair, hand lingering on her jawline. "Would you really, Sakura-chan?"
"Never," she whispered, setting the knife aside and facing him. She gave in to the smile, lifting onto her toes, clearly anticipating a kiss.
He leaned forward as if to oblige her, but stopped just short. "So marry me," he said against her lips.
She giggled. "Kakashi, we're already married."
"Marry me anyway."
"Hmm," she said, quirking her head as if she was thinking about it, green eyes sparkling mischievously. "Okay. I guess I can pencil in some time for that."
"How generous. But I'm serious."
Why Kakashi wanted her to know this, he couldn't say. They were, as she said, already married, legally and all. But it seemed important, somehow.
She caught his mood, leaning her forehead against his chin with a deep breath. "Kakashi..."
"Marry me," he repeated throatily, exhalation disturbing the wispy flyaway hairs on the crown of her pink head.
"Is this about the baby?" she said. "You're already his father. You don't have to -"
"I didn't ask the baby to marry me," Kakashi said, trying and failing to regain his flippant tone.
She looked up at him, gaze keen and scrutinizing. He waited for her, swallowing against a dry mouth.
Voice soft, she finally spoke. "Of course I will, stupid."
At last, he took down his salt-stiffened mask and kissed her gently, hands on her shoulders. Her own hands, hopelessly dirty, stayed at her side, but she returned the kiss as deeply as she could with her belly in the way.
"But how will I make out the invitations?" she laughed as she went back to the task at hand.
Taking pity on her, he moved to help, but she turned the knife on him, narrowing her eyes. "Sit down! You're the husband, I'm the wife! That's how it works!"
"Yes, ma'am," Kakashi said obediently and sat at their rickety little table.
He would wait patiently. No matter how long it took, or what it tasted like, he knew it would be the best meal he ever ate.
"I would literally kill," Sakura moaned, smothering herself with her pillow, "for some mochi. Or some umeboshi. Preferably mashed together. On top of soba noodles. And I really mean it. With my bare hands or with a kunai, I don't care. I'd kill for it."
"That, Sakura-chan, is disgusting," Kakashi said cheerfully, tearing the pillow away to give her a quick kiss.
"I know!" she wailed. "It even sounds gross! What is wrong with me?"
"Haven't we been over this before?" Kakashi patted her belly gently, ignoring the slightly disturbing way it was rolling, like waves in the ocean; the baby had been active all night. "Nothing's wrong with you. You're just pregnant."
"I have to pee again," Sakura said miserably.
It was the third time in the last hour, and she now required assistance to move from a prone position. The women had recently banned Sakura from working all but the lightest tasks, laughing and shooing her away when she tried. It hadn't improved her mood. Without complaint, Kakashi got up and helped her onto their chamber bucket.
"I think he's bouncing on my bladder," she grumbled. "That's not a waterbed!" she said shrilly in the direction of her stomach. "Mommy is tired of this because you won't let her sleep!"
She stayed too long on the chamberpot, lost in thought. "You know what I really want? Something with soy sauce. Anything with soy sauce."
"Sorry, Sakura-chan." Kakashi heaved a sigh as he helped her up again.
She blinked at him. "What are you apologizing for? I also want to eat a bar of soap a little bit, even more than I want to use it. I want dango, too. That doesn't mean I'm going to get it. I don't expect that from you."
Kakashi said nothing, only fluffed her pillows. Of course she didn't expect the impossible from him, but he wanted to give it anyway. What kind of husband was he that didn't provide for his pregnant wife's needs?
"You know," she said, suddenly dour, a frown on her face, "I read somewhere that cravings balance out a mother's nutritional deficiencies, according to what the fetus needs. I bet I have so many cravings because he needs so many things I can't give him…"
Kakashi's hands froze as he was pulling the blankets over her. After a beat too long, he said, "People have been having healthy babies for centuries with limited variety in their diets."
"I know that. It's just something I read. Shizune might know if it was bullshit or not."
She waved away his fussing, hissing and putting a hand to her side as she shifted. Almost any movement caused her pain now. She said it was nothing, and Kakashi just had to trust her.
"This isn't your day off, is it? Go do something useful."
Kakashi had skipped several work days lately. No one said a word. There was an understanding in the camp that Kakashi appreciated.
"Yes, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said automatically. "Call me if you need me."
"Yeah, I will," she muttered darkly, trying in vain to get comfortable.
Kakashi left, taking the rickety stairs down the the ground two at a time. He'd rather not leave, but it was getting to the point where staying risked bodily harm. It was the start of lunch hour, so he wandered off towards the cooking area, an idea formulating in his mind. Surely a bar of soap was something he hadn't seen in almost a year, and sweets were almost as rare, but soy sauce… That might be attainable.
"Hello, Atsuko-san," he said to the elderly woman whose knotted fingers were pushing a spoon inside a huge cast iron pot set over the fire.
"Good morning," she said pointedly, though it was into the afternoon. "What can I do for you?"
Kakashi chuckled awkwardly, scratching the knot of his headband. Was he that unsociable that initiating conversation made it clear he needed a favor? He supposed he was.
Sasuke, sitting for lunch with Juugo, Suigetsu, and Sai nearby, smirked in amusement.
Kakashi smiled at Atsuko anyway. "Well, you may have noticed that my wife is very pregnant…"
Atsuko shook her head, giving into a quirk of the lips. "I did hear a rumor about that, yes. What is it she's asking for now? Tell her I don't have the ingredients for ramen no matter how badly she wants it."
Realizing that Sakura had tried to satisfy her cravings herself before asking Kakashi for help almost wiped the smile off his face. "Hmm. Well, recently she mentioned she'd like something with soy sauce, and I was hoping to surprise her. I thought I remembered a certain dish last week -"
"Sorry," Atsuko said, cutting him off. "I know what you're asking for, but we found only one bottle of soy sauce, and I used it to make my son's favorite meal, or as close to it as I could get. It was Ichiro's birthday last week."
Kakashi sighed. He could tell by the steely look on Atsuko's face and her squared jaw as she squinted into the soup she was making that even if the crone knew where more soy sauce was, she would save it for her son. She'd had eight children and fifteen grandchildren, once - now just Ichiro remained. Too well, Kakashi understood looking after your own; that was, after all, why he was here at all. Most likely, though, there was no more soy sauce left, just as she said. It hadn't been a staple in their diet by any means.
"I see. No worries."
With more sympathy in her ice-colored eyes, Atsuko motioned for one of the women from Lightning. "Hana, Hatake-san needs lunch, and his wife as well. Give her a little extra, hmm? We've a little one to watch after."
Slowly, careful not to spill, Kakashi walked with their meals back to the little house he shared with Sakura. When she looked with glum eyes on the venison stew leftover from last night, he said nothing. She'd eaten it with gusto then, but her appetite was as slippery as a fish these days. Despite her obvious dislike, she thanked him and ate the stew without complaint.
The next day, Kakashi woke nervous. As he lay in bed next to a peacefully sleeping Sakura, he could only find himself thinking about how she didn't snore anymore. It had passed after the early parts of pregnancy, but just now, Kakashi would give anything for it to return. When Sakura snored, her grouchiness was containable and rarely splashed over to include Kakashi, and the deep discomfort that caused it was nowhere to be seen. When Sakura still snored, Kakashi didn't have to help her use the toilet; his breath didn't catch in his chest whenever she sat up in bed, waiting for the wince of pain that would distort her pretty face. Most importantly, when Sakura snored, she could still move with ease. It was this that concerned Kakashi now.
There had been a final assessment of winter stores, and Sakura decided that they must have some key medicines in a nearby Konoha medical facility. She, of course, must be the one to go fetch it, because no one else knew how to discern what was useful and what was not.
Kakashi had grown tired of arguing with her over it. For the past few days, he hadn't mentioned it again, hoping she would eventually relent to his wishes - but now that the day was here, he knew he'd been foolish to hope for that. When a few Water countrymen caught colds and needed antibiotics they did not have, Sakura made her mind up then and there. The need was mild now, she insisted, but potentially life threatening later. The course of Sasuke's illness could have been changed dramatically, she said. The weather will change soon, she pleaded.
Sakura's increasing frustration at feeling useless was something Kakashi understood all too well. She would go, and since none could challenge her medical authority on her own travel fitness, there was nothing more he could say about it.
Instead, he let her sleep. If she didn't wake yet, she couldn't leave yet. Besides, the baby had finally settled last night and Sakura deserved to catch up on rest.
Kakashi looked at her while she slept, the cover pulled down to her waist sometime in the night. The chill - more than mere chill, truth be told - of the morning left her with stiff nipples. Her nipples, like the rest of her, were completely different than they'd been when they'd first slept together. Her breasts then were the modest breasts of a fit fighter, the areola small and light. Now, her breasts were almost unrecognizable - Ino's description of Sakura as "boobs that swallowed a beach ball" was accurate - but it wasn't just the size. Even the coloring was different. They sometimes leaked discharge that Kakashi just avoided speaking of.
Her hips, too, had expanded, a different shape entirely than they were before she fell pregnant, wider and rounder and striped with stretch marks. The belly, distended with her little belly button poking out, a darker line down the middle, was expected. Kakashi knew that would change, but some other changes had caught him off guard - the extra hair in unexpected places, the swollen feet, all of it.
Still, her breasts and everything else too interested Kakashi just as much as they did then, perhaps even more so. Even staring at her in innocent curiosity had inspired half an erection - but then again, how innocent had he ever truly been?
It had been ages since they had tried and failed to have sex. Kakashi knew how long with an uncomfortable amount of accuracy. Later, they'd said then, but both knew it wasn't true. Of course the end of intercourse was to be expected at some point, but that made it no less unpleasant. Kakashi didn't mention it, knowing it would be cruel. She couldn't even do as he was now, stroking his own cock into a full hard on, still fixated on her breasts.
When the urge came to him more strongly to slide his dick between her full breasts as she slept, Kakashi got up and quietly padded into the kitchen. It wouldn't be fair to disturb her for one sided pleasure.
As he touched himself, he imagined Sakura post pregnancy. She would enjoy sex again, he was sure of it - she wasn't shy anymore, and asked for what she wanted often enough for Kakashi to know she would be willing as soon as she was able. The thought spurred him on, imagining himself fucking her again as she was, for once the thoughts of her not being pregnant anymore unaccompanied by ideas of an actual baby.
But she lwouldn't just return to how she was, would she? The thought struck Kakashi like a lightning bolt, slowing his hand. He'd been enjoying a particularly vivid memory of his finger deep in her pink pussy. She'd requested two, but the fit was too tight; unlike his penis, his fingers felt the power of her pleasure as pain when he stretched her too far.
Would that, too, change? Kakashi once overheard a casual conversation between Ino and Kurenai about how they'd had to slice her vagina open for the baby to pass through. It hadn't seemed to concern the women, but he was as disturbed now as he had been then.
There had been siblings for as long as there had been people, so Kakashi logically knew it would be fine, but logic wasn't helping his dick out at the moment.
And yet it had been so long and his balls ached so much for release that Kakashi's brain scrambled of its own volition, trying to revert the picture to something more palatable.
In this very moment, palatable came in the form of Shizune. With his eyes closed and his head reclined on the cushion of the tatty sofa, Kakashi could see her quite clearly, smirking that half smirk she did when chastising a sore loser - most often, Sakura. The large yukata always covering her body left quite literally everything to the imagination, but just then, Kakashi didn't want anything else. He could imagine the weight of her breasts in his hands and their shape and size, or the way they would wave back and forth as he fucked her, all without the intimacy of picturing her real body. In his fantasy, Shizune was eager, mewling her pleasure like Sakura had in the beginning. Her hips, too, were much like the ones he remembered gripping during their first encounter.
Give me a six of spades and next time I'll swallow, Sakura said once during another game of cards, and, although he didn't have a six, he had found a way.
Kakashi clenched his jaw as he came to the sight of Shizune doing just that, still having half a mind to muffle any noises he made.
When the roaring in his ears subsided as he came down from his orgasm, Kakashi registered soft sounds from the other room. Satiety made his limbs sluggish but shame motivated him to haste, and quickly, Kakashi cleaned himself up and went to check on Sakura.
She was on her back in the middle of the bed, rocking side to side in an effort to help herself up. Guilty green eyes met his at being caught, but it was nothing compared to the guilt that lanced itself through his own stomach. Kakashi's heavily pregnant wife had been struggling to get out of bed while he pleasured himself to thoughts of her almost-sister. It wasn't her sister he wanted, but that didn't change anything.
Immediately, Kakashi helped Sakura up and to the chamberpot.
"I could have done it," she said quietly.
They were both thinking of the trek they would make today, at least six hours each way by foot as a civilian travels - which was how they'd be traveling, for Sakura's sake.
Kakashi might have argued before, but with the burning in his gut, he just smiled at her. "Of course. But you make a very cute turtle, Sakura-chan."
"Oh, shush," she hissed, flushing deeply, and they were back in familiar territory, teasing and laughing as they prepared for breakfast, a meal thankfully taken privately within each house.
But as they chewed on their tough, stringy jerky and Kakashi watched Sakura make faces as if she wished she could spit it out, an idea came to Kakashi slowly.
"Sakura, look at me," he said.
She complied, staring blandly. "What?"
Before Kakashi could explain, Sasuke was at the door, opening it without bothering to knock. Kakashi sighed. Leave it to Sasuke to be early.
"What is it, Kakashi?" Sakura asked, unconcerned as Sasuke made himself comfortable at their table.
"There is a way," Kakashi said, "to make you believe you are eating anything you want to eat. Even mochi-umeboshi soba. Even a bar of soap. Do you want to try it?"
Sakura pulled a face even worse than she had at the jerky. "No way! What are you going to do, genjutsu my next orgasm?"
Kakashi kept his face blank as Sasuke laughed at his misfortune. For sure this time, Kakashi had thought he had earned a smile from Sakura, so rare these days.
Sakura caught herself, blushing again. "Sorry. I'm just not a huge fan of using genjutsu like that. The last time you used genjutsu on me, I watched Sasuke die. And even when the illusion is nice... Ino still almost never woke up."
"I didn't think of it that way," Kakashi said, trying to brush it off like the insignificant incident it really was. "It was just an idea."
"I appreciate the thought," Sakura said quickly, forcing an awkward smile. "I was a bit of a jerk about it. Sorry."
Kakashi shrugged, smiling back at her.
Ubiquitous smirk plastered on his face, Sasuke reached into his pocket. "Hey, Sakura-chan, I have a surprise for you too."
Sasuke threw a singular pack of soy sauce on the table, one of the tiny ones, probably a remnant of someone's long ago takeout that had somehow survived so that Sasuke could find it after the world ended.
As little a thing as it was, Sakura's eyes lit up with joy. "Sasuke-kun! Where did you find it?"
"Around," Sasuke said with a shrug.
Sakura pushed herself up with one hand on the table to lean over and hug him. "Did you know I've been dying for this?"
"Huh. What a coincidence."
Over Sakura's shoulder, Sasuke mouthed "thank you" to Kakashi. Kakashi's fists clenched under the table.
Suddenly, a very precise and polite knock came at the door. "Come in, Sai!" Sakura called, more cheerful than she'd been in days.
With some trepidation, Sai entered the shack, now quite crowded with four people. "I'm sure you are busy preparing for the mission, but I wanted to ensure you got proper nutrition before embarking."
He held up a cutting board with an elaborate attempt at what appeared to be various types of sushi spread across it. They were haphazard and sloppy, the rice nowhere near sticky enough and falling out of the wrappers that weren't the right type of seaweed, but Sakura cooed over it happily as if it were actually the child growing inside of her.
"Oh, Sai! You've been practicing your cooking we worked on!" she said with her mouth already full. "I love it."
Sai looked almost uncomfortable at her gushing gratitude, shifting his weight as he held the cutting board steady while she ate off of it, apparently unable even to make it back to the table. "The cooking part still seems to be a challenge, but this was more like assembly. And I heard Kakashi-taichou mention you wanted some soy sauce. I could not find any, but the seaweed here is very salty, so I thought..."
"That is so thoughtful," Sakura moaned, her eyes nearly rolling back in pleasure as she ate a piece of seared eel.
"Didn't you hate that seaweed just last week, Sakura?" Kakashi couldn't stop himself from asking, trying to keep his tone merely curious but not entirely succeeding.
Sakura ignored him. "You always give the best gifts, Sai. Thank you so much."
It was some comfort to Kakashi to see that Sasuke's surly expression matched his own. They had both been one-upped.
And then Sakura paused before she ate the last piece of sushi and retrieved the soy sauce packet. Unceremoniously, she dumped the entire thing onto the sashimi and crammed it into her mouth.
"Oh my god." Sakura swallowed the last bite. "What did I do to deserve such sweet men in my life?"
Sasuke's smirk was back. "Why would you have to do anything at all, Sakura-chan?"
She laughed. "I could have at least offered you some. Sorry I'm such a pig lately."
"It's alright, I didn't want any." Sasuke said, the saccharine tone foreign in his voice.
Sakura was too pre-occupied with profusely thanking Sai again to notice when Sasuke turned to Kakashi with a smug smirk on his face.
"I won," Sasuke said to Kakashi, smug.
Kakashi cocked his head to the side in feigned nonchalance. "I believe Sai won."
Sasuke's smirk grew more pronounced. "At least I had a real gift."
"It's not a contest!" Sakura said sharply. "Grow up."
"Of course, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, affecting mildness.
For something that wasn't a competition, he surely had lost, despite it being them who hijacked his desire to make Sakura happy. Losing was not something Kakashi was accustomed to. With a last glance at Sasuke, Kakashi turned to Sakura, smiling.
"Well, shall you tell them, or shall I? I nearly forgot."
"Oh, me too!" Sakura exclaimed, annoyance shed as quickly as it came. "I didn't even see anyone yesterday because I was cooped up in the house, but we have news. Kakashi and I are getting married!"
Even Sai's blank stare could not dampen Sakura's bright smile that even sushi and soy sauce couldn't trump. Sasuke's smirk turned into a sour frown.
"The women said memory loss can be a symptom of pregnancy. Does this affect fathers too?" Sai asked slowly, having long since learned caution when broaching such subjects.
He relaxed when Sakura just giggled. "We know we're already married, silly. But you know, for real this time. When things settle down. The baby will be there and everything can be nice and pretty and I'll wear a dress and not look like a whale. It'll be so much fun, you'll see!"
Sakura flounced back over to Kakashi, sitting on his lap and steadying herself with her arms around his neck. "I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but aren't you excited?"
"Always, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said with a smile, and he meant it, but her face turned suspicious.
Sakura turned with narrowed eyes to Sasuke, and threw up her hands in frustration at the look on his face. "You two! I'm not dealing with this all day. I refuse."
Kakashi shrugged, casually running a hand along the curve of her belly. "Sasuke could always stay in the village. Best not to send us both, really, in case something happens here."
Her nostrils flared and she pushed off his lap, not bothering to hide her grimace of pain as she did so, clutching a stitch in her side. "Excellent point," she snapped. "You can both stay in the village. I'll go with Sai."
Sai blinked. "Me?"
"Yes, you, and either Juugo or Suigetsu, whichever one -"
"I'm going," Kakashi interjected with force. "That's an order."
She ignored him breezily, gesturing for Sai to gather the nearly empty packs Sasuke had brought. Sai obeyed, still looking baffled.
"I'm going," Kakashi repeated.
"You're not my commander anymore," Sakura said, not looking at him, "or my captain. You're my husband now, and I say you're not going. I'm eight months pregnant and I can't handle the stress of you two constantly bickering. This trip will be hard enough as it is."
Kakashi's jaw clenched so hard his teeth ached.
"Sakura," Sasuke protested in alarm. "Don't be ridiculous. We'll be fine, just -"
"Don't be ridiculous?" she screeched, and Sasuke winced. "No. I have one child to worry about already. I don't need three. Not today. I'll take Sai, who can actually be a helpful companion without waving his goddamn prick around."
Sai adjusted the backpack straps on his back, awkwardly avoiding anyone's gaze.
Sasuke stood and stepped in front of the door, crossing his arms. "You're not going without at least one of us. What if the Kizanu attack -"
Sakura snorted in disdain, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "You think I'm so helpless, don't you, like a little damsel in distress. I can take care of myself. The civilians can't. If you want to lead so much, you have a lot to learn about threat assessment. Everyone might be beneath you, it's true, and you make it so fucking obvious -" She shook her head. "Never mind. This conversation is pointless. Move out of my way."
Sasuke widened his stance, steeling himself for a fight. "Make me."
Face impassive, Sakura batted him aside like a fly, a mere flick of her wrist sending him crashing against the wall. Sasuke caught himself before he fell, but his eyes were wide as he stared at her like he'd never seen her before.
"Thank you," she sneered, and it seemed to mean something to Sasuke that Kakashi did not comprehend, for his face immediately darkened as he emanated anger.
"Let's go, Sai," Sakura said, and stalked out the door.
With a last glance back at shock-silent Kakashi and Sasuke, Sai tagged along after her.
Kakashi passed the time in brooding silence waiting for Sakura's return. There was plenty of work to be done, but he did none of it. He ate lunch only begrudgingly because his body demanded sustenance, sitting by the fire long after almost everyone else had gone to work.
Only Nobuya remained. It was his off day, but he still worked on mending a fish trap. They sat in comfortable silence as Kakashi watched Sasuke in the distance flirt with the butcher girl Himawari. Kakashi could guarantee Sasuke hadn't had a lonely wank in his kitchen today or any other day; there was always a woman in his bed, it seemed, whether it be Hinata, Himawari, or even Sakura. So what if one of them kicked him to the dog house? There would always be another.
"Do you remember being so young with such energy?" Nobuya asked, amusement in his voice, though his attention was still on the basket funnel in his hands.
Kakashi's gaze broke away from Sasuke with a dark chuckle. "Can't say I've ever had that much energy, truth be told."
"Me neither," Nobuya said, quirking his scarred lips. "Your wife is just as young, is she not?"
The question was pointed, and Kakashi did not know how to answer. Nobuya wasn't the type to judge, but he was curious. Kakashi knew him well enough by now to understand that.
"She's quite spirited as well," Kakashi finally said, for lack of anything else to say.
Kakashi had his fair share of trysts in his day, enough to know the minute he touched her that it was something else entirely, even as it was exactly the same. But he was her first. How would she know the difference?
"It is nice to borrow energy from youth every once in awhile," Nobuya said, his eyes following his nimble fingers. "I can't say I blame you for taking comfort where you find it."
Nobuya couldn't know it, but he was beginning to sound like Gai. Kakashi's throat tightened at the reminder.
"She seems very happy," Nobuya said, softer this time, as if he sensed he had misstepped. "With you, I mean."
"I'm happy with her, at least," Kakashi said haltingly.
What went unsaid was that he was unsure how happy she really was with him.
"I thought you and Sasuke-san had a trip planned today," Nobuya said, clearly reading between the lines.
"She changed the roster," Kakashi said with a shrug, smiling sheepishly. "Something about not wanting to babysit three children as opposed to one."
"Ah." Nobuya wiggled his melted nose, trying not to laugh. "Spirited indeed."
It was killing him, sitting here having this stupid conversation when Sakura was off with only Sai and Suigetsu to protect her. Kakashi hadn't let her this far out of his sight during the war, let alone after it. If it was their child going off without them, would she see it the same way, Kakashi wondered? But she wasn't a child.
When the silence stretched too long, Nobuya spoke again. "I met my wife at a community dance. I'd come home to the village from university to visit my mother. A grade school friend dragged me out, and from the moment I saw her... All brown eyes and plump curves, chubby even, but the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I went to school because I thought I was better than my village. I thought I wanted the city life and all that came with it. And it only took one shy smile from her to show me what an idiot I was."
As Nobuya spoke of his wife, his face relaxed into a genuine smile and the ghost of the handsome man he had once surely been showed itself on his features.
"She was twelve," Kakashi said, and Nobuya carefully did not react. "She was twelve when we met, and my student, and I never would have thought we would be here. She was predictable, I thought. She interested me very little. So you see, she proved me an idiot too."
"As women are meant to do," Nobuya agreed lightly, tearing off a string with his teeth.
"She was only sixteen when I first brought her to bed," Kakashi said plainly. The cold pit in his stomach that turned his skin to stone whenever the subject was brought up did not develop this time. He was just empty. "I have no true defense. And that's how it is."
Sixteen seemed more comforting than the truth, which Kakashi could admit to no one, not even Nobuya, perhaps not even Sakura herself. Sex was the final threshold they crossed, the point of no return, but who could say it was the first? Was it when Kakashi began to lean on Sakura for emotional support the way she already leaned on him, when she was no more than thirteen? Was it the first time she'd shown interest in Icha Icha at fourteen and he'd let her read it over his shoulder? Or maybe it was the almost-kiss he well remembered in the fall before the war. She was fifteen and they had just sparred; he teased her by whipping out Icha Icha, which, of course, she had to wrestle from him once he sat. But when he placed his hands on her thighs and smiled, it wasn't a game anymore. He remembered pulling down his mask, the red color of Sakura's cheeks and the way she gripped the collar of his shirt when he leaned closer. Shizune or someone else inconsequential to him had interrupted them when his lips touched Sakura's - hardly enough to qualify as more than a brushing of skin. Even more grievous an offense was the long mission where their libidos got the best of them and they'd failed to be private about taking care of it. Was that the day his thoughts had wandered from safe territory? Or had it already begun long before without his realizing?
"I never should have done it," Kakashi said, his voice harsher than he expected. "What kind of life have I robbed from her?"
"Now, now," Nobuya said, frowning slightly. "I'm sure she wouldn't agree. I can tell that much. It's clear she loves you."
She did, Kakashi knew. And he loved her. But did that truly absolve him? She'd always wanted him, but she wanted romance as well, just like the girl she'd always been. That first night in the tent, Kakashi wanted her body more than he wanted romance. That had been the point, then, and she knew it well, just accepted it like she had always done from him.
A high pitched giggle from Himawari cut the difference, diverting Kakashi's attention back to Sasuke. If Kakashi had stayed within the lines of propriety, would Sakura be with Sasuke now? There was attraction - Kakashi had even witnessed it, both in their adulthood and when they were children - and deep affection there. Sakura was perhaps the only person in the world who could casually assault Uchiha Sasuke and live to tell the tale. Did Kakashi and Sakura have more than that, really? Was there even anything more to have?
"She was in love with Sasuke her whole life," Kakashi said to Nobuya. "Sakura, that is."
As always, Nobuya hid his surprise well. "Her life is only beginning. Stories change."
With some effort, Kakashi smiled for Nobuya as if he were comforted. But the best couples Kakashi ever knew were childhood sweethearts like Minato and Kushina. Perhaps if Kakashi weren't in the picture, Sakura would be happier. Perhaps Sasuke would be too. Maybe her undivided attention would have been enough to ground his roving eye.
"I guess I'm a selfish man after all," Kakashi said.
"It's not such a bad thing, I don't think." Nobuya set aside the fish trap and pulled a battered deck of cards from his back pocket. "Fancy a game?"
Knowing Kakashi's answer without waiting for him, Nobuya dealt Kakashi in for a hand of rummy. They played various games occasionally, never complex, never caring who won or lost. Kakashi enjoyed it for almost the same reason he did with Sakura. It couldn't be more simple.
Kakashi straightened a bent corner on the queen of diamonds. It didn't matter what might have been, he decided. There was only what was.
His turn came. He drew a card.
Kakashi stood on the white sand, skipping stones into the surf. It was a pointless endeavor since the waves interrupted every throw before more than two jumps.
He bounced the last stone in his hand. No matter how bored he was of this, or how much he hated sand in his shoes, there was nowhere else but here to be. Sakura had left along the coast and along the coast she would return. This strip of beach was the only one close enough to monitor the village and open enough to see Sakura as she approached - no matter how many more hours away that was. The sun was still high in the sky.
Kakashi threw the pebble right into a wave. It never skipped once.
"You don't have any more stones," Sasuke said, a smirk in his voice.
The double entendre put a sour taste in Kakashi's mouth, but he said nothing. He stood staring into the grey water as it crept further and further towards his toes.
Of course Sasuke was here. He, too, was anxious for Sakura's return. This did not comfort Kakashi in the slightest.
Predictably, Sasuke wasn't satisfied with Kakashi's lack of reply, and so kept needling. "What will Sakura say when I tell her you've been playing cards without her?"
It was a stupid joke, and perhaps Sasuke didn't mean it to, but it only highlighted Sasuke's over-involvement in their affairs. That Sasuke was privy to Kakashi's bedroom games with Sakura rankled Kakashi in a deep way. He was tired of pretending otherwise.
"Perhaps I'll remind her that she's played cards without me, hmm? With you, in fact."
Kakashi whirled to face Sasuke in time to see his eyes widen in surprise, just for a split second before they narrowed in anger, fists clenching.
"You did know then."
Kakashi chuckled. "Did you think she'd keep it from me?"
Sasuke's fists slowly loosened, fingers unballing to stretch out, pale and long.
"That - that wasn't the same," Sasuke said, and the timid hesitation in his voice surprised Kakashi but also satisfied him in a visceral way.
"What was it then?"
Sasuke broke their locked gazes and looked off to the side at a piece of floating driftwood. "Nothing," he finally said, voice quiet.
"That's right. Nothing." Kakashi was cold and cruel even to his own ears, but it matched his insides, sharp and brittle like frozen iron.
Some of the buried anger came back to Sasuke now, and he met Kakashi's eyes again, defiant. Kakashi noticed for the first time that Sasuke was just a hair taller than him now, and therefore looking directly at him, not up like he had for so many years.
"You just love rubbing it in my face, don't you?" Sasuke spat.
"Well you don't seem to get the picture," Kakashi said flatly, unsympathetic. "So I'm just making it clear. This is how it is."
"That's what you think? What an old fool you are! What is there not to get? She loves you." Sasuke's fists were tight again and he trembled as he took a half step forward, foot sinking into the sand. "You don't get it. You never did! I don't want what you have. But I want her back in my life."
Kakashi scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest. "Back in her life or back in her -"
Sasuke took another step, shaking his head and muffling an annoyed growl in the back of his throat. "If you think that's why I care, you're blinder than you think I am. I want my life back."
"That's not my problem," Kakashi said lightly, shrugging his shoulders. "Should have thought of that sooner, shouldn't you? I warned you where revenge would lead. I tried."
Sasuke's jaw bulged where he clenched his teeth, and Kakashi watched as if in slow motion the ungulation of Sasuke's throat as he swallowed with some difficulty.
"You tried? You tried?" Sasuke threw his head back and laughed uproariously, a hint of the old bitterness poking through his cracks. "What you did was put chidori in my hand! What do you think a child does with such a weapon?"
The fine hairs on the back of Kakashi's neck were raised, the tang of danger tickling his nose. Kakashi uncrossed his arms, loosening his stance.
"I was showing you that we could give you power too, that we had something to offer you, that we would try and help you achieve your goals without compromising your humanity. But it wasn't enough for you." Kakashi, too, was bitter and didn't bother to repress it any more. The past hung between them like an albatross. "Am I supposed to be sorry?"
As he took a few more steps forward, frustration marred Sasuke's perfect, handsome features, impossibly untouched by the violence of their life. "What do you think these last months have been to me? A picnic? I'm doing all I can to show -"
Kakashi's own fists clenched, so quickly the leather of his gloves squeaked.
"Do you deserve a picnic, Sasuke?" His voice was harsh, losing the grace of control as Kakashi's breaths came in heavier.
"Of course not!" Sasuke said sharply, looking down and to the side again. "I regret every one of the choices I've made. Including the lake. Are you happy?"
Kakashi scoffed once more, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. "You regret fucking my wife. So nice of you."
Sasuke staggered towards him again, almost tripping in the shifting sand. His chin wobbled, his eyes shone as he wailed, "Do you have any idea what she means to me?"
Though Kakashi had not moved an inch before now, letting Sasuke come to him, in a flash he had bridged the distance to yank Sasuke down by the collar. "Do you have any idea what she means to me?"
Kakashi could hardly speak for the fury coursing through his veins, making his muscles bulge and his hands tremble. Sasuke loved Sakura in the most selfish way. He used her to validate himself and search for meaning.
Sasuke tried to pull free of Kakashi, struggling to break his grip. "You say that as if I'm trying to steal her from you!"
What did Sasuke know of love? Would Sasuke help her wipe her ass when she couldn't, and then find a way to make her feel sexy again? Or, like this morning, would he do her favors only to earn brownie points, to prop up his own self worth by increasing his standing in her eyes? Kakashi had just wanted to see her smile - for her own sake. And Sasuke had ruined it.
"I don't care what you're trying to do," Kakashi spat with venom, shaking Sasuke about the shoulders. "I don't care if you fucked her on accident or if you're looking for her in every woman you stick your dick in."
Sasuke didn't resist and let himself be shaken limply as tears tracked down his pale face. "Of course you don't give a shit! If you did, maybe you'd see you're the fucking reason for all of this!"
Kakashi stopped the shaking, too incensed to move or speak for a minute, the anger tying his tongue entirely. "I'm the reason?" he finally managed to parrot, incredulous. "I'm the reason?"
Weakly, Sasuke tried to pull away again, prying Kakashi's hands off his shoulders, crying all the while. "You do everything you can to keep me away. All I want is to have our team again - Sakura understood! You didn't!"
With the distinct smack of flesh on flesh, Kakashi's fist plowed into Sasuke's jaw, snapping Sasuke's head back. If Kakashi's past self, a new teacher with fresh-faced genin, could have seen himself now, he would have been horrified at the scene. In the present, Kakashi could not care less and punched Sasuke again, vision so saturated with red he missed and caught Sasuke's ear instead. They fell to the ground, struggling.
"If you really wanted our team back, maybe -" Kakashi made contact again, splitting his own knuckle on Sasuke's tooth. "- maybe you shouldn't have killed Naruto."
Sasuke was flailing underneath Kakashi, his training forgotten, dragging his fingers down Kakashi's face, pushing against Kakashi's chest with all the strength of a newborn kitten.
"I did!" Finally, Sasuke ceased his futile struggle as true sobs racked his tall frame. "Is that what you want to hear so badly?! I killed him!"
Snot was running down Sasuke's face as he cried like the frightened, wounded child he'd once been. In this moment, it was almost impossible to believe that this man was the most powerful ninja left in the world.
"I killed Naruto!" Sasuke screamed in agony, loud enough to carry.
The words shivered in the air like Kakashi's fist, hovering stationary above them both, poised to lash out. Just before Kakashi registered their true meaning, he felt the tears streaming down his own face.
Kakashi punched again, a flurry of fists as he pummeled up and down Sasuke's body. Sasuke's nose exploded in a fountain of blood that mingled with the blood from Kakashi's torn knuckles.
"You piece of shit! You fucking sack of shit!" Kakashi said it like a mantra as he kept hitting, on and on, with no resistance from Sasuke.
"Kakashi, no!"
Sakura's voice cut the rage like nothing else could, staying Kakashi's hand as he looked up in confusion. Sakura was lumbering towards them, Sai rushing to make sure she didn't trip, Suigetsu tearing ahead to push Kakashi off of Sasuke.
Suigetsu dragged Sasuke to his feet like a rag doll, trying to shake him out of it.
"What are you doing here?" Kakashi said stupidly, staring at Sakura as if to confirm she was really there.
"I started having false contractions so we had to turn back," she snapped. "Probably stress. No wonder."
A glare on her face, she walked right past Kakashi as he lay on the ground to attend to Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, are you all right? I'm sorry I went without you. This wouldn't have happened."
Sasuke didn't answer, just wiped his face with his arm and looked at her in terror. With one last sob, he turned and fled. Suigetsu took off after him.
"Sasuke, wait!" More slowly, Sakura followed without a glance behind.
"Sakura..." Kakashi's call for her was strangled, and he was surprised but glad when she heard him, turning back to face him. "Sakura, I need you."
Kakashi lay there on his back while he waited for her reply, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of sand in his hair and in the open wounds on his hands.
With a sigh, Sakura crossed to him and helped him up, quickly healing his minor scrapes.
"I'm sorry," she said into his knuckles, unable to meet his eyes, "but right now, he needs me more."
Without another word, she turned and walked towards the direction Sasuke had gone, holding her side again as if it pained her.
Kakashi stood there watching her until she disappeared from view. She had chosen Sasuke after all.
Sai cleared his throat awkwardly. "May I help you?"
Kakashi couldn't even look at Sai, caught in the middle as he always was, searching for a way to be relevant. "You can't."
Kakashi brushed himself off and walked back to his empty house alone.
Kakashi lay in his bed, spread-eagled because there was no pregnant woman to take up all the space. He wished there was, though. He wished it with such intensity that it watered in his mouth and burned his throat on the way down.
All his life, he had found a way to solve problems, even when everyone told him it was impossible. But the eye socket that still ached with phantom loss told Kakashi the truth. Not everything was fixable.
When the door opened with a timid, slow creak, Kakashi shot up in bed, hands fisted in the covers.
Sakura stood in their bedroom doorway, looking at him with unsure eyes, forehead wrinkled in anxiety.
"I forgive him," she said. "I knew all along, and I forgave him anyway."
Kakashi said nothing, staring back at her impassively. They knew this already.
She took a tentative step forward, cradling her heavy belly. "Even if you can't ever forgive him, do you still want to marry me?"
Kakashi smiled to ease the misery twisting her features. "I'll always want to marry you, Sakura-chan."
Relaxing somewhat, she crawled into bed. He made as much room for her as possible, nearly scooting off the edge of the mattress. With her limited mobility, she couldn't quite tuck herself into Kakashi as she was trying to, but it was enough.
"I need you too, Kakashi," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
As one escaped, Kakashi wiped it away with his thumb. "I know that, Sakura-chan."
He held her close as the night wore down. At the end of the day, Sakura might feel obligated to take care of Sasuke, but it was Kakashi she would come home to. He was wrong to ever doubt it. Some things would always be fixable.
Sakura drooled on his chest a little bit and as if for old time's sake, let loose a tremendous snore, and Kakashi knew that this was one of them.