Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Action in any way. Jeez, this gets more bland every time I write it.
Note: Since another rookie will be eliminated, his audition tape will be shown as usual. This chapter may be longer than usual, and this time, I might actually mean it.
Rating: Rated K+ for violence, some swearing, and a completely random musical number.
Answers To Comments
Realityshowfan - Emo's speech is based off of Alan's Lone Wolf Speech from The Hangover, the only difference is that Alan actually cuts his wrist. Duncan's rivalry with Derek is just the classic sibling rivalry, but expanded much more drama-wise. I just realized how DJ's alliance with Chef is similar to his alliance in the story, it might not end the same way though. I voted for Beth in the poll too, just because of the fact that she's not in Total Drama, the Musical.
Everyone - As like in the last chapter, there will be a lot of references to popular culture. Try to guess what they are!
Chapter 4 Part 3 - The Chapter You Write When You Can't Think Of A Decent Transition Chapter
Rookie Camp
"Day six," Chad muttered under his breath as he woke up, "and nothing has changed." He opened the blinds to find the sun half way visible on the horizon, giving the beach an orange glow. After he left the cabin, Derek woke up in nothing but his black shorts, his blonde hair being messier than usual.
"Guess today's the day..." he sighed as he put on his tank top, red button down shirt, and skull cap. Fransisco climbed out of the top bunk above Derek in white sweat shorts, walking past Derek like he was a ghost without saying a word.
"Someday you'll know Derek," Emo told the blonde after waking up, "that life is as empty as this cabin."
In The Jungle Somewhere
Chad, now shirtless, was punching a palm tree, his knuckles growing redder with each punch. He had his iPod in his ears, with the music cranked up to it's full volume. He sang along to the violent lyrics as he kept punching.
You walk on like a woman in suffering, won't even bother to tell me why.
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment, leaving me broken another time.
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane. Leave me alone, let me be this time.
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption. I don't want to mention, the reason I know...
Derek ran around the jungle shirtless, listening to the same song as his opponent was. He managed to jump all of the fallen logs that blocked his path without stopping to make a running start.
Back to Chad, who was doing sit-ups with a log holding his feet down.
That I am stricken and can't let you go.
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know...
Derek granted no yield to the heavily wooded area and continued to run across the bumpy path.
That I am crippled be all that you've done.
Into the abyss will I run.
He encountered Chad doing sit ups across the path. When he noticed the gay guy blush faintly at the sight of him, his eyes widened in horror when he realized he was still shirtless.
"Holy crap!" the blonde skater screamed as he ran off, "Don't think of anything perv!"
Chad snapped out of his trance, and scoffed indifferently at his opponent.
"That scrappy punk," he grumbled, "thinking that I was coming on to him. The nerve of some people..."
Rookie Camp
Derek panted heavily after he returned to the camp. However, Amy came out in her swimsuit and the skater's eyes bulged out of his head. Even though it wasn't very revealing, the shy girl felt vaguely unconfortable for some reason. She noticed Derek still staring at her and waved, making the blonde snap out of his trance.
"Hey Derek," the brunette called out, "how did early morning training go?"
"Um... um.. just fine, yeah." he stammered, "Felt like I got a lot done."
Amy ran over to the fourteen year old and grabbed him by the arm, taking him to the dock.
"I have a question to ask you." she said as they both sat down on the edge, "Do you think I should change my style a bit? I think I'm kind of old fashioned." She tugged at the stomach area of her one piece as she spoke.
"No... not at all." Derek answered, flustered due to the fact that Amy was lotioning her legs, "You look hot in anything you wear."
(Cruelfessional - Is A Big Fan Of Enigma Dragon Kid)
Derek- (rubbing his arm) Yeah, I really should've worded that better.
"Um... thanks." Amy replied, "Just wanted to try something new without betraying my morals." She jumped into the lake, resurfacing after a few seconds. "The water's great!" she said, "Come on in!"
"The water wasn't that great when the boys and I went swimming on the first day." Derek admitted. In response, Amy grabbed the skater's leg and dragged him into the lake. He shivered in delight as he resurfaced.
"You're right." he said, "The water's really warm compared to BC."
Amy noticed Fransisco walking back to camp, Ashley not far behind. The movie star was flirting with the Hispanic teen, much to his annoyance.
"Derek... I have to do that... thing that I was supposed to do... last night." Amy stammered, "Good luck in the showdown!" She quickly got back onto the dock and ran over to the beach. The blonde skater did not seem to notice since he was preoccupied by the brunette beauty's backside as she ran.
"Things are getting crazier around here, aren't they?" Derek tilted his head to find Dana standing on the dock, observing the trio on the beach.
"Yeah," Derek sighed as he got out of the water, "but the challenges are fun."
"You're okay for a blonde." the tomboy admitted.
"Thanks," the skater replied, "but what do you have against blondes?"
Dana scoffed in disgust. "I live in a house of giggling idiot blondes!" she lamented before imitating one, "Oooh, I'm a blonde! I like shopping and doing my hair and making out with the jock under the bleachers!"
"Just like Lindsay?" Derek asked.
"Lindsay actually has more decency than what I expected of her." Dana recalled, "She seems really nice and caring. I hate the 'Ashley' blondes who always dangle the jock on their fingers, waste all of their parent's money, promise to get a job doing pornos, and assume it's A-okay."
"That sucks living in a family of that kind." Derek said, "How do you cope with it?"
"One, I'm rarely home, and two..." the tomboy leered on malevolently, "mud filled water balloons." She handed Derek one and they both approached Ashley, mud balloons in hand...
Vilecano
The Veteran Vipers arrived at the battle zone first, Owen winking at Izzy. The Rookie Raccoons arrived next, Ashley being coated with mud and shaking in fear.
"What happened to you?" Chris asked her.
"Mud... two little brats..." the movie star whimpered, "Just start the stupid showdown..."
"Okay then," the host continued with sadistic enthusiasm, "Six nights here, yada, yada , yada, Chad, bring your torch to the flame, yada, yada, yada... Chef, turn the wheel!" The screen once again lowered and flashed the possible showdowns in random order.
"Tikitere Triathalon," Chris announced, "sponsored by Total Drama Enterprises and McLean Hair Gel.Use this, and you'll be the smexiest devil on the planet."
"Such and ego-maniac," Amy sighed, "shame that he's this sucessful."
"I can't help it if the ladies love me!" the ego-maniac purred while flashing his million dollar grin.
"Yeah, the ladies at the retirement home!" Amy responded with a wide grin, making everyone else roar in laughter.
Meanwhile At A Retirement Home In Alberta
"He's so dreamy!" the old ladies swooned as they stared at a poster of the shirtless host, agitating the old men.
(Cruelfessional - Not A Fan Of Retirement Homes)
Amy - (grinning) I happened to get that footage from a retirement home in my hometown for your viewing pleasure!
Chris McLean and Izzy - Chris - (glaring at Izzy) Of all of the people you could pick, you had to pick the smart mouths!
Izzy - (glaring at Chris) You should talk Mr. Sexual Comments About Amy!
Chris - You have to give me some leeway on that! What did you expect, a half decently written story by an autistic fifteen year old?
Izzy - Isn't that basically what this is?
Chris - Izzy, that has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Izzy - (pinches a nerve on Chris's neck, knocking him out) You can thank me for that later kids!
"Anyways," the ego-bruised host continued, "you two will compete in a triathalon around Camp Tikitere. Follow the marked flags around the path and the first one to come back here wins. By the way, we managed to hide a few surprises in this course. This is going to be awesome!"
Chad and Derek positioned themselves at the starting line, waiting for Chris's signal. After the host shot a gun in the air, the two contestants jumped from a vent in the volcano into the lake. A seagull with a soda bottle wrapper tied around his neck happened to be the one unfortunate enough to receive the bullet, plopping down to Chris's feet.
"That's going to provoke some angry e-mails." he remarked to the camera.
Derek and Chad were neck and neck as they swam to the beach. Unfortunately, an unlikely threat beset their race: a shark.
"Did you send that shark here?" Bridgette asked angrily.
"I wish." Chris admitted.
"What do we do now?!" Derek panicked.
"I'm taking this beast on!" Chad told him as he tackled the beast of the seas. A minute and a half later, an unconscious shark bobbed above the water as Chad arose victoriously.
"Hey Chad!" Derek hollered from the shoreline, "Thanks for the advantage!
"Get back here you asshole!" Chad hollered back as he swam toward shore.
Unfortunately, it took Derek some time before he could find the marking flag. He tripped on something in the sand, only to find a yellow flag with Chris's face on it. He took out his lighter and burned the flag, cackling as the image of the host disintegrated into flames.
"Those flags cost me a tenth of my hair gel budget!" Chris complained back at the Vilecano, "Derek is so going to pay that off once he gets off the show!"
"Hey Derek," Chad called out as he got on his bike, "it's payback time!"
The skater noticed Chad racing off on his bike to the next part of the race and quickly got on his bike.
"He'll never catch me now." the African-Canadian thought to himself, "I'm too far ahead..." He was cut off when an explosive detonated on the path. He quickly applied the brakes before he fell in the crater where the bomb exploded.
"The ratings from the motocross challenge were so high last season that we had to bring it back!" Chris admitted before detonating another bomb.
While Chad biked around the crater, Derek wanted to go through it like a half pipe. After gaining some speed, he jumped on the lip and did a backflip before landing perfectly on the ground. The skater came across some jumps also stocked with explosions, going over the hilly section in a similar manner to his brother last season.
"Come on Chad," Duncan practically begged back at the Vilecano, "make a comeback and take that squirt out!"
"Looks like Derek went through the trouble of detonating the explosives for me," Chad thought as he went over the bumps, "he's probably ahead of me now." Once he thought that all hope was lost, an explosive detonated under him and propelled him to where Derek was running.
"Derek and Chad are now neck and neck," Chris announced as he saw them both coming, "this is gonna be a nail biter!"
Chad tried ramming Derek off the bridge, and the skater tried to do the same to his opponent. The finish line was approaching...
Winner: Derek
As Duncan whispered a couple words of profanity, everyone else came over to congratulate him.
"You survived two showdowns." Trent said, "Not bad Derek, not bad at all."
"That was awesome!" Dana cheered, "It was so cool when you did that backflip!"
"It was pretty extreme," Derek admitted, "just wish it could be longer."
Chad pounded his fists to the ground. "I couldn't beat him!" he lamented, "Dammit!!"
"Into the fire and out of the dust," Chris chanted, "Chad, you're spirit is dead to us." He snuffed his torch with a gong sound as the gay guy stomped toward the Dock of Shame.
"I've had it with this stupid game anyway." Chad thought, "I wonder if... Brad?!" He saw his boyfriend arrive on the Boat of Losers, grinning happily.
"You did awesome out there honey!" Brad called out, "Now come over here and give me some sugar!"
Chad glomped his boyfriend and they started making out, much to the disgust of Chef, who was driving the boat.
Rookie Camp
The eight remaining rookies sat around the campfire with Derek playing his guitar.
"Hard to believe that it's been almost a week and we've already lost three people." Amy admitted, "Jeez, our team hasn't been doing very well."
"We've lost some our dead weight." Fransisco said in a rare speaking moment, "This possibly could be a change for us."
"This makes me miss home." Rebeccah admitted, "I wish I didn't go on that ship."
"How did you get on the show anyway?" Derek asked her, "I don't think you would've sent in an audition since you're Amish and all that."
"When an Amish kid turns eighteen, they leave the homestead to try out some modern activities." the Amish girl explained, "None of the things in the outside world appealed to me, but I wanted to go on a boat tour on the coast. A terrible storm came my way and wiped out everyone on the ship, everyone except me. I was lost at sea for a week until the producers took me in and made me a spare contestant."
"I remember when one of the contestants died on the first day." Amy recalled, "I think her name was Sandy or something like that."
"Forget her name," Jazz told everyone, "did you see how she dressed? Tackiest outfit ever! Who wears polka dots anyway? And did you see her pants? It looks like she skinned a couch and..."
She continued to rant about this for some time. Besides Jazz and Ashley complaining about the conditions, the Rookie Racoons were perfectly peaceful.
Veteran Camp
Unfortunately, the Veteran Vipers were anything but peaceful. Duncan stormed into the cabin and kicked down the dresser and also breaking a mirror.
"Dude," DJ asked as he came inside, "are you okay"
"DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY?!!!" the delinquent barked at the gentle giant, making him cower down in fear.
"You should calm down man." Trent told him, "By the way, where's Owen?"
"But soft, but what through light yonder window breaks?" the chubby guy preached in front of Chris's mansion, "Tis the east, and Izzy is the sun. Please Izzy, come back to me!!" He broke down sobbing as he got on his knees.
The crazy girl came out on her deck in her green nightgown and curlers in her hair. "Owen, for the last time, I'm not getting back together with you!"
"But you're so wild and hot!" he whined, "Why did you break up with me in the first place?!"
The redhead opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off with a bloodcurdling scream.
"HOLY (CENSORED!)!!! THERE ARE LEECHES IN MY BED!!!!!"
"Looks like Chris discovered the prank I set up for him!" she laughed as she tossed Owen a bag of marshmallows, "Take this for your troubles, it's the least I could do."
"Farewell my love, I'll treasure this gift forever!" Owen sighed before ripping open the bag, "Oh screw it! I haven't had any marshmallows in a week!" He downed all the marshmallows in one gulp.
(Audition Tape #3 - Chad)
"'Sup bitches?" he greeted in a tough sounding voice, "This is Chad Princeton here. Anyways, I'm gonna be on your show because I can plow all of my competition into the dirt!" He punched his fist into is palm before returning to his normal voice. "Everyone except my lovely Brad of course!"
"Hey everyone!" Brad cheered while popping in front of the camera, "Choose us and you won't be disappointed!"
They shared a kiss as the camera faded to static.
Contestant Tally
Rookie Racoons - Amy, Ashley, Dana, Derek, Emo, Fransisco, Jazz, Rebeccah
Veteran Vipers - Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Geoff, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Leshawna, Lindsay, Owen, Trent
Eliminated - Brad, Zoey, Chad
I apologize for the very long wait, I've just been lazy for a while.
I tried to add as many references as I can, see if you can find them all!
The next episode will be a surprise, so I'm not posting sneak peeks.
70K words baby! (parties) Read and review!