-1My name is Yuki Sohma, Member of the Zodiac…

And what I have to write here is my account on my life, it is like a diary but I can't keep a day to day diary without forgetting about it. Every day is the same as the last while every day presents a new problem that I have to work round to keep the days as constant as they are. So this is more of a stress relief or something to write my worries in without having to keep bothering Ms Honda.

I live in the house with the Dog, Shiguri who is my cousin while I attend a mixed high school and try to lead a normal life and escape the irritations and restrictions of my family, I'd only been living with him for a year when we found Ms. Honda living in our woods. She was basically homeless while her grandfather had his house renovated, so we offered her one of our spare rooms in exchange for house cleaning. Its shameful to admit, even in here, that at Sohma house we have a small army of cleaners, cousins that need the money or outsiders who come into the grounds or live there already. So I've never had to worry about anything outside the boundaries of my own bedroom.

So when she turned up, the kitchen was in a sorry state with a layer of dust covering almost everything else.

She was so modest about it and personally I think she loves cleaning and cooking for us, as she's always looking for new recipes to feed us.

Of course she had been with us barely a day when guess who had to turn up. That stupid Cat.

This is a new book and I'm giving the bare basics so as to remind myself if I find this in later years, but I don't want to dwell on the past as that would negate the reasons of my moving to Shiguri' house. But I cannot escape mentioning my history with the cat.

With the Zodiac story weighting heavily on how people judge us as we grow up, especially as I am the Rat and he is the Cat. We were raised to hate each other.

But I refused to believe he was so horrible as people made him out to be, the Cat has always been rejected by the family and seen as bad, so when he first met as children I tried to be nice to him. I had hoped that too would have tried when we first met… It was summer and I was wandering around in one of the gardens, in one of my few moments away from Akito, when we bumped into each other, of course after introduction we realised who we were and he started shouting at me. Blaming everything in his life on me.

I was told there was something really horrible about the Cat, but he had seemed so nice to me, of course we were both six and so was He. He saw us greeting each other before the Cat ran off shouting, I believe it amused him.

I was punished and told that if I spoke to the Cat again and was caught we would both get the same punishment. This terrified me and I tried to avoid him from then on for his own good, but not long after I heard his mother died. I still don't know how it happened and I don't dare to ask him. I felt guilty even back then of the fun we had had together and how he needed someone to play with, but I couldn't. He disappeared for a while and I didn't see him again until I took up marshal arts training to help with my asthma and health problems.

Of course, by then we had grown and were both twisted by our families views on how we should act to one another. He blamed the way people treated him on me and when I tried to speak to him during one of our training practises, his famous anger swirled up and that was it.

We've been fighting ever since.

He disappeared again for a few months before making his appearance at Shiguri' house and for some reason I'm not quiet sure of still He made him live with us. I think it was to put pressure on me, not let me form any sort of close relationship with Ms. Honda by introducing a rival.

But Ms. Honda wasn't like that, she accepted us for the way we were and loved us for it, if anything it spoiled His plan by letting us put our barriers down around each other. We still fight and argue but… it's started to change. We no longer fight because we hate one another.

There are moments when we are tense and angry but there are moments when… its… fun!

------

I've been made Student Council President.

I… was hesitant to begin with, unsure how people would view me and afraid that people would see me for what I believed I was. I believed my self to be weak and useless, selfish in my politeness to people and the my enjoyment of having friends. Although, little Kisa put me to shame there, my little Tiger cousin was being bullied in school and needed someone to help her speak again before she could brave her class mates again.

Ms. Honda was there again, showing her that she really did like her the way she was, she once again accepted her and Kisa was able to get her voice back and face school. It also helped me get the courage to face being head of the student council.

Of course that isn't the only thing that is bothering me. Its that Cat again.

He is everywhere I go and in everything I do now, we even share the same class and home. I hate the fact that he is constantly there, in the way of my relationship with Ms. Honda. But that is what he is here for right?

But… I think… would miss him if he was too leave…

------

My stupid bother, the Snake, just won't get the hint when I don't want him here.

He annoys me to no end and there just no getting through to him, and Shiguri is always there encouraging him and they are just loud and annoying and crude and and and ….. So much like Ayami that there's no way to change him.

Ms. Honda said that she told him about meeting halfway with me, trying to understand something we both might have an interest. Personally I don't think there will ever be an area where we both agree on. He likes that Cat for gods sake, he calls him Lucky-Kyo. Personally I could think of other people more deserving on that title as the stupid Cat hasn't been lucky in very much.

Maybe I should try this halfway thing with Kyo, I know he's not really that bad, just there are times he really annoys me by jumping to anger when I'm trying to just talk to him. Maybe he is worried by my relaxing around him now compared to the image he has been force fed by the family and in his own mind of me?

------

Last night… it was… I never knew…. When the family always said there was something horrible with the cat, I thought they meant the fact he was always shunned. Never accepted. They never meant it was horrible to BE the cat! It was-

[added after this, different ink, same hand.

Sorry, I was very disorientated and tired last night, I thought that I should try and write it down but the pain in my arm and shoulder, coupled with Shiguri AND Tohru's insistence that I sleep… I had to stop and now I'm continuing, al-bet slowly due to the shoulder wound and its stiff as hell this morning.

But Kyo has already come up and apologised, he offered to bring up a cut of tea and some pain killers from Hatori, the Doctor Dragon. He found it hard to look me in the eye after he woke me up but I wasn't horrible about it, I was polite to him because he didn't deserve my cruelty after last night.

I have been thinking since then, and last night.

I had never known of the Cats Curse.

But once it was made clear to me, I had to go and help him.

He was out of his mind with grief and I can see when his mom killed herself now, she had never done as we have done. He not only needed Tohru to help him, he needed me to understand and accept him as he was. To accept him for what he was, even thought I was afraid.

After he had ran off and Tohru had disappeared, I was thinking, who was it that said the Cat had to hate the Rat and vice-versa. It was Them! That stupid family that birthed us with this curse! And now look at us. We've been living together for nearly ten months.

If he was never to have come back after he ran off, I would have missed him so badly… I still need to talk to him properly and its obvious he is going to feel guilty for injuring me. But I'm not scared of him and I…. I want to be his friend. Not just his cousin.

----

Good times to tell, I want to mark when I heard this.

It has been a month since the trouble I last wrote of, and I forgot to finish off that day. Ms. Honda asked to see Him and she spoke to him with compassion and kindness he hasn't known before, birthing the Heart of the Curse means that the person has an shorter lifespan and is often very sickly finding it hard to get out and be like normal people due to the responsibilities of being Head of the Family.

I'm not sure if they are all like Him, but I think that his mother dying young and constantly being treated as something delicate that is about to break while being given everything he wants. Due to our culture and his position, since he was born he has never been treated like a child and held by a parent, he has always been bowed to and obeyed.

I think it has twisted him.

And with Ms. Honda showing him such kindness even as he was threatening her…

Well, he has changed somehow and hasn't mentioned us for a while. I can only hope that I am finally free of Him.

But the good news!

It seems, my younger cousin Hatsoharu, the Cow, has finally fallen for someone else! Well, the Cow is another of those with a reason to hate the Rat seeing as the tale says the Rat rode on the Cows back, but we became friends. He has a very poor sense of direction and gets lost very easily, but due to his hatred of the Rat his biggest problem is that he has become… well Black and White.

Every now and then when he is annoyed he flips out and becomes black Haru. Of course, sometimes its amusing to watch him like that sometimes, especially when he is beating on Kyo and starting a fight. He's not as good as Kyo.

But it seems that he and Ms. Tohru's friend, Hana have fallen in love with each other. I was always suspect that Ms. Hana was in love with Ms. Honda but it seems that even if she is, she is content to be with Haru. She is sometimes very creepy with a quiet voice and a habit of talking about electrical waves and her physic powers, but it seems that Haru really likes that.

It was quiet amusing pairing them up together because Ms. Hana confessed to Ms. Honda first and Haru then told me after I was talking to him one day and it was only a fact of getting them together and involved. But it turns out they were both really shy.

Kyo helped as well, luring Haru there while Ms. Honda directed Ms. Hana. I had a council meeting so could only sit there and wait until it was over and see if the plan worked.

Thankfully Hana is not a clingy person so he didn't have to straight away tell her about the curse and we don't have to sit there embraced while they are together.

As for Kyo… I'm starting to worry… we are friends now, we can have conversations that don't turn into fights all the time. Although, yes, we do fight together, but it's for training now and enjoyment.

Maybe I need to put a bit of distance between us… I think-

-----

No!

He has… He! The one who is head of this Wretched family has done something that is… inhuman! He has always had too much of a desire for me, first it seemed that he had to test the one who was the Rat, to make sure I was as good as rumours said I had to be.

But as the years went on and I lived there with his torments and punishments, he began to see me as something he could take comfort in. Someone who would do the things he told him too and was too scared to disobey or question the things he told me to do.

I was told to never tell the adults.

He… what he did before was nothing to now… He allowed Kyo to attend the New Years Party for the first time in history by request of me and Ms. Honda who was allowed to stay at Sohma house and meet those of the family who were interested in meeting her still and hadn't had the chance.

She did enjoy it.

Kyo was so happy at being invited he actually brought me a Christmas present.. Although it was a bit late, he said he forgot to give it to me. I think he didn't know how to say thank you with out loosing his macho look.

But the price… I'm wandering if its too high…

It still hurts and I have to be careful no one sees till I'm fully healed.

----

I have a problem.

I don't know what to do.

I… I think I like him now… and I mean more than just a friend.

It snuck up on me, when I wasn't thinking I noticed I was staring at him while he was training and my mind was away. I was enjoying watching him.

I've got nothing wrong with finding men attractive, but Why this one?!

The Bastard at the main house has summoned me back there twice in the four months since new years and the last time I was there… well… it was unexpected.

Kyo was curious as to why I was going to main house when I had previously that week mentioned how I hate going there because I bump into certain people but I didn't state anything about Him. Kyo just assumed I meant my brother Ayami.

So when He summoned me, the Cat followed and when saw me go into His house. He took me to the room where he had used to punish me as a child and it was just the same as before. Problem was, he was so anxious to get started he didn't see that he had left the door open.

He… started… hitting me with the whip again… and… Kyo saw.

Kyo pulled his hood up over his head as He wouldn't recognise him, and ran in, grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder and ran.

I was impressed that he ran half way to Shiguri' house before he stopped to rest and speak to me.

"I never knew you had troubles like that" He had said finally, after he had pulled his hood off, looking down at me sitting on the ground. I had been hoping at the time that it was an unknown servant that had saved me. One or two had stood up for me in the past… I still don't know what happened to them.

But he looked down at me, as I sat on the grass, breathing as deeply as he was but from shock and pain as my back started to bleed freely from the lashings. He had been very excited about it this time and I think he had planned something more than he had done before! I shake in fear about what it might have been. But back to the conversation we had had, if I think about it too long I'll get nightmares again.

"I never knew of the curse, we all have our secrets." I hadn't been able to look him in the face and there had been a silence and he had sat next to me.

"We… we are friends now aren't we?" He had asked, tentatively, almost scared I would reject him as he thought I would on That Night. I had smirked a bit at his question thought, it made him so venerable to me.

I had always believe after a while, that if he didn't hate me he would have nothing left to do with his life, that he'd be at a loose end; his hatred has been what's kept him going, if he doesn't seem to need the hatred, maybe Tohru has had more of an effect that I thought.

"Yes Kyo, we are friends." I had paused and managed to look at him as I felt the blood reach my waist band of my jeans.

"Then why didn't you tell me what he was doing to you in the main house?" I can't tell if he was hurt or shocked by the fact I hadn't told him of what I was enduring. It is twisted that I view this as the way He has always treated me, it seems normal to be made to believe that I am worthless and nothing.

"Its been going on for years Kyo, he only stopped when I had moved to Shiguri' house."

"Then why has it started again? You've done nothing wrong!"

"Yes I have."

"What?!"

"I'm the Rat and I call the Cat one of my closest friends. I broke tradition by inviting him finally to the party he spent centuries missing. I am a shame to the Zodiac." As I spoke I knew I was starting to shake, I was topless in the woods and it was still only spring.

Kyo didn't say anything but I think he was touched by what I had said and what I was going threw.

"I'm sorry," he said at last, "I… don't go again, even if this is normal to you and him… not without me at least. Even if you have to go through this, at least let me look after you afterwards, as a thank you for our friendship"

Looking back this is quiet strange for anything but my family.

----

Haru and Hana are still together and are getting serious. She does know of the curse now but He doesn't have to know and we are all keeping it to ourselves. I worry the loud mouth Hiro, the Sheep, will tell Him as he once told Him about his own feelings for Kisa. But Kisa will not let him, she thinks Haru and Hana are so lovely together.

It seems strange that the animals of the Zodiac, bonded to our God and cursed to be re-born, have in this generation, bonded together against our god. I cannot account for the older three but all of us fear him and his quick temper.

But Ms. Honda can't get over it and she loves to talk about how sweet they are together and recently been commenting on how Kyo and I are getting along really well. It's been three months since that day in the woods and I've not been to main house since. Its our secret.

I really have to start writing in this more often than every few months… We're only friends. I fear anything more.

----

Its getting too much.

I can't stop thinking about that Cat! Its driving me up the wall.

I've started to confide in him when I can't tell Ms. Honda, she still helps us with our problems but I worry about telling her about my affection for Kyo and not her. I worry if she loves me more than just a friend.

But hanging around with Kyo, even when I don't have to.

Even at school, he's nearly as popular as I am and we're near to finishing, one year left.

I can't stop thinking about his deep red eyes and the way the sun catches them.

Tohru seems to be more like a mother to me than any chance of a girlfriend…

Why?

----

[The next page is written in a different hand

Yuki, We need to talk. I have a problem and I didn't mean to read this book but it was open and its made my problem even worse!

[signed with a kitty paw

----

Why can't things go back to the way they used to be before? When it was just me and Shiguri? Nothing against Ms. Honda but she is not helping my decision to keep things separate.

The Cat and the Rat can never be together!

He knows we cannot be anything more than friends.

What does he mean that 'he thinks he likes me too'? In my book, its only musing and thoughts when things are bothering me or when it gets too much in my mind. Even good things I like to write down too like Hana and Haru who are still together, it's got to be a year soon?

But… I need to talk to Tohru.

----

WOW!

I honestly thought I had lost this book!!

It has been one roller coaster of a year!

I've just finished school, along with Tohru and Kyo and we're planning to tour China and see our relatives over there, the Chang's. They have a few holiday homes we share between us both and it'll be good to get to know our distant cousins, Tohru is really excited because she's coming too, even though she'll miss Uo and Hana, who is Still with Haru and I think they are planning to live together once he finishes school.

But… I have hopes… once we are in China, Kyo and I will be able to…

We both talked to Tohru all those months ago and she told us that we could try and be just friends if that's what we thought we should do, but she would try and be with the person she liked. But with us it was harder and that if we chose to be together then we had to keep it secret between us, her and Shiguri. Because Shiguri was trust worthy and we still live in his house.

So… since then all we've managed is… a fair amount of flirting and compliments… with presents… and a few stolen kisses….

We're leaving in two weeks.

----

China is so amazing!

The languages are sometimes hard to understand because there isn't just one language, there are loads of variations in different dialects and areas, Japan is a bit strange depending on north and south but China is so much bigger!

Its amazing all the things we've seen, the Chang's are so nice to us. It turns out they have Zodiac members too, the Rooster and the Horse are here, and I had never really thought to wander why I'd never met them except new years. There houses are as beautiful as ours are too, they have many traditional buildings as Sohma house does.

Not to mention, Torhu, Kyo and I are getting closer friends being here together, it doesn't feel weird walking down the street holding both Kyo and Tohru's hand as we go.

No one here is judgemental at all either, there are even a few gay couples living together at the Chang's main estate.

…

But then again, no one over here is as cursed as we are, Akito has no power here.

I will admit there are times I wake up in the night, afraid that Akito is standing over my bed waiting to grab me and punish me. I don't mention these dreams to Kyo, he's so happy right now.

----

Its been so long…. It feels like so long.

Three months have passed since that trip to China and everything is so different now…

Once we returned, Kyo was taken by force and imprisoned in the Cat's Cage.

I was moved from Shiguri's house with almost as much force while Shiguri could do nothing but stand by and try not to get involved. He helped me to pack, telling me to keep my chin up and not to worry, that he and Tohru would visit everyday.

It hurts to be here.

It is different to the first time.

Akito likes me to know I'm inside his cage, I am no longer confined inside a single room, I'm allowed to wander were I wish, thought the unspoken words there were "so long as you don't visit that cat". We are lucky in the least, he thinks we are only just friends due to our ability to argue and fight constantly even while being in love close friends.

I've been moved to my new perminate rooms, opposite Akito's and Shiguri and Tohru have yet to visit me here, although Momiji thought he saw them in Sohma house, no one else says they did.

---

It seems this little book is going to get more use than I thought it would reading back threw it. Two days have passed since I last wrote and I've been to see Kyo.

He looks so… stressed and thin. He trains still while in there, but he barely has any appetite anymore for the food they bring and longs only for his freedom. The cat was never made to be locked up, that is the Gods fear of them. All of them, threw the ages have done this and no one knows why, past the fact that his Other form is hard to look past.

He says Tohru has been in to see him but Akito won't let her see me, sending her away so that she has to be sneaked into the compound but everyone is too afraid of Akito right now to risk letting me know she is here. I understand.

For someone constantly ill, his punches hurt.

I'm out shopping tomorrow and Haru has said he'll 'mention' it to 'a friend of a friend' for me. I was so grateful for his kindness at that moment…

Its hard in here.

At least Akito doesn't seem to be keen on his wipe right now.

---

I have an hour to kill before the plan goes down and I need to look normal for the rest of the time while Akito is still awake, so I'm appearing to be writing or drawing in a book.

It has been a month since my last entry. I thought I would have nothing to do with my time, but little Ms Honda had other plans. She mentioned she wants to find a cure for us all and Hana decided to do some digging with her little brother on Curses. For some reason they seem to know more about these things than most.

She mentioned in passing something about getting "ill waves" from Akitos houses when she visited one time to meet Haru's parents.

So Tohru told me what Hana could find out, about where the information may be hidden and how it might be worded. Also clues to what it may be.

The Sohma's are not the first to be cursed like this, though it seems we are the reason for the story of the Zodiac I believe and I think that is were the ill spirit of the Cat came from, turning what must have once been a blessing into a curse.

I shouldn't write about our plan but I still have another forty minuets left.

Shiguri, Hatori and my brother are all involved in the plan in there various forms.

Hatori is going to check on Akito and dose him to sleep tonight while Shiguri will come in and will talk to various people about things like money and keeping quiet. While Ayame will help us once we are out of the walls.

He came up with the plan when he and Shiguri were trying to cheer up an upset Tohru. It stuck in her mind, once we found out the right information on the curse, we would make good our escape and try and break the curse.

I was the one that had to do the hunting while visiting Kyo to give him updates and things to hide in his room. There are papers that only the Head of the family may look at or know of. I have slowly been stealing, copying and smuggling these to him; they are giving us both hope and if nothing else we have illegal access to the Sohma families main Account.

But Akito never looks into that safe, and it was the work of a moment to ask a rat to spy on him and tell me when he looks in, and what the code is to get inside.

Inside I found an acient book, it was… an old manuscript and I flicked threw it.

…

I have found the cure.

I need time to read and understand it.

But Akito will be opening his safe to check upon its contents in three days time and, although I've put a replacement inside… if he opens it before I've had a chance to replace the original he'll know its me.

…

Twenty minuets left.

I'm all packed with my essentials except this book and the photo of me, Tohru and Kyo I keep on my desk.

…

We break out and run, Tohru will meet us up in two days time, to try and make it look more legitimate and less like we planned it with her. Shiguri says he will try and keep her safe.

----

We are at the airport.

Its four AM and we're going to be boarding on our plane to China soon.

Ayame phoned one of our cousins that we made friends with over there, asking to pick us up and tell no one what was happening.

Kyo is next to me. He's still pale and gaunt looking but there's a smile on his face that I haven't seen for so long now…

We'll all be free soon….

I know we're running away and that running is weak but…

Don't we deserve happiness too?

---------------------

NO!

[there are tear splats on the page and the writing is shaky

How could he do that?! Of all the things….. Why……

Ms. Tohru Honda is dead.

It seems so strange and easy to write, but it hurts… I only received a package from her this morning!

The official verdict is that she fell down the stairs at Shiguris house while no one was is and died of a broken neck but Shiguri said he pushed her. He was there, while he had gone to hand in a manuscript and he had harassed her on where we had gone and…

Shiguri was crying down the phone…

He… Aki…

Kyo is on the roof of our summer house. It's two stores tall and mid autumn but he's still up there.

We've only been here 36 hours… why….

Tohru….

----

It seems that Akito has gotten worse at home.

We get e-mails from the family still, it has been only 2 weeks since we left the entire Zodiac is suffering!! I almost wish we had never left!

Haru has been beaten up, Hiro is in hospital, Shiguri has been forced to move back into the main compound and there's nothing that anyone can seem to do to calm him down. And now he is having fits because he is pushing himself so far.

I only can pray that… things will calm down the longer we are gone.

Kagura mentioned to Akito that we might return if Kyo could be freed from the cage… he broke her jaw.

…

…. I love you Kyo.

----

He's here!

Shiguri

Cracked

Told him

Must hide….