I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.
It was hard whenever Eric and I saw one another over the weeks that followed. And by hard I mean that it was difficult keeping to the rules that I had established. I realized that I was being a bit stubborn but I meant what I said about Eric hurting me with his words and actions. And yes my mother helped me to realize that I had spent a lot of physical time with Gregory but the truth is that I didn't want to quickly forgive Eric by letting him touch and kiss me again so quickly. If he really wanted me then he had to work for that.
What was difficult was that as much as I wanted to kiss Eric or let him kiss me, I still wasn't ready for that yet.
"Same time next week," Eric whispered dragging his lips down my neck as he held me close.
Since I had broken the glass, there was no way to fix it or replace it. I had to see my brother Jordan about that. But there was no real excuse for me to go to Erudite so I needed to wait until the next visiting day. Eric and I would make arrangements to see one another at the end of each meeting. It was the only time that we had to talk and be with one another. It really tested our resolve to stick to each other.
"Can you come to Amity?"
Eric looked at me thoughtful and then back at the loading dock where Dauntless was putting all their things onto their truck. I had been able to work out travelling to the Compound on a weekly basis with the shipment from Amity. In reality my mother had told Jack that it would be good for me to get out more. She was secretly helping me and Eric. I never thought that she would but she could see that our relationship brought me joy and that was something that she was all for, her daughter being happy.
"I'll come tonight," he whispered.
"So soon," I questioned. I honestly thought that we were setting something up for next week. I didn't think that when I had proposed the idea that he would jump on it.
"I don't want today to end just yet," Eric squeezed me to him one last time and then disappeared completely.
I turned my head to hear the Dauntless calling for the initiates to hurry up and get back to the training room. I took one last look at the hallway to see Eric glancing back at me before taking off. When climbing into the truck, Jack handed me the processing papers and I finished the numbers for him. I remember telling Eric that I didn't like statistics and that I would hate it when I went to Erudite. I couldn't believe that I was putting it to use in Amity.
"What does it look like this week," Jack asked.
"We're actually giving them more than we did last year around this same time," I flipped a couple papers over to look at another chart. "Their members did experience a slight increase so that could account for the containers being tripled. We would have to," I turned to look at Jack and then stopped talking. "I was doing it again, wasn't I?"
"Yes," Jack chuckled shaking his head. "It still surprises me that you didn't defect to Erudite with Jordan and Jonathan."
"Mother needed me," I shrugged.
"Which brings me to another topic," Jack said as we drove away. "Hannah and I are getting married..."
"In two months, I know," I replied.
Jack sighed. "Mother needs additional help in the house and..."
"I'm surprised that you know Mother needs help."
"JoyAnna," he warned.
"Forgive me," I looked away.
"I spoke it over with Hannah and we decided that the home needs a head and," he paused and let out a deep sigh. "Family decisions will be made by you." My head whipped back to him. "I am my own household now and need to focus on my family that I will start with Hannah. When I make my vows to her, it will be to her. I can still offer assistance when needed but I'll have you make the final decision for the family."
I let out a nervous breath and looked down into my lap. "I haven't finished initiation yet. I haven't even been in a courtship or secured a job or..."
"There's no reason to believe that you'll stay in the field where Father worked. Once in a while, I believe Johanna will call you to work out numbers and farming plans, that sort of thing," he nodded. "Unless you take child care but for the majority of initiation you have stayed in the field."
"I like being outdoor and working there helps me stay close to Papa. I feel him working alongside me in a way, encouraging me to keep at it," I admitted.
"As for the courtship thing, there were rumors that you were involved with Gregory Mitchell."
"I talked it over with Mother and there are no grounds for romantic relationship there," I answered.
"Will you ever think about courting?"
My mouth opened to tell him about Eric but I kept it shut. As he stated his concerns would be that of his wife and their new family. He would still offer assistance when needed. And right now I didn't need his assistance regarding my relationship.
"Not at the moment," I answered. "Mother and the boys are my priority, outside of initiation and working in the fields that is," I clarified.
"Exactly why I think that you should became head of the Summers household," Jack nodded. "You'll put the needs of the boys above your own and I think it will give you good training for when you do have a family of your own."
"Thank you Jack," I replied. "I know Mother was worried about the space in the house, what with the baby coming and the two of you moving back in."
"I took that into consideration too. I just wanted to protect everyone like Dad did but I didn't realize that I wasn't thinking about Mother or our new brother or your feelings as well. If we moved back in, Hannah was planning on having Serenity join us and I highly doubt that would work well with you," he smiled as I tried to hide mine.
"I'm getting along with her."
"I've noticed," he smiled again. "Still, I'm sorry that I put the added stress on all of you by wanting to move things around. It's still too soon after Father's passing, too," he added.
"I wish he was here," I whispered.
"I do too, JoyAnna. I'm starting a family soon and I need his advice more than ever," Jack admitted.
It was nice to finally be on the same page as Jack or for Jack to finally be on the same page as his family. He had to think about what was best for all of us not just him anymore. That was what a real family head did.
When I returned home to inform mother about Jack's decision in naming me head of the household for now she couldn't have been more delighted.
"The oldest son always takes care for the father in his stead," Jensen stated.
"Jack is starting his own family," mother reminded him. "Hannah would be the mistress of this home while I am still here. Despite us living in Amity that would have caused some distress on both of us, including any future little ones," she touched her stomach which was ready to pop at any moment.
"But why choose JoyAnna," questioned Joshua.
"Because when the time is right, JoyAnna will run her own home too."
That night Eric crept into my room just as he had done the last time and continued to look over at the communication glass pieces as I changed into a different gown that was warmer. This week was Eric's birthday, one of the reasons why I wanted him to come to Amity. I actually was hoping to plan this better but what we were about to do was just going to have to be enough for now. I took Eric's hand and led him out the back door.
We ran through the woods until we came to a spot where we could see our spot by the river. I turned to face him as I rest against a tree. Eric and I were both panting from our run and smiling at one another. Both of Eric's hands came up to rest on either side of my face as he leaned closer to me.
"Not yet, Eric," I mumbled as his lips was inches away from mine.
"When JoyAnna," he asked turning his head to nuzzle into my neck.
"When I say so," I replied trying not go weak at the knees at the moment.
Eric pushed back just enough for me to see the pained expression fall onto his face. "You still don't trust me," he whispered.
"It really hurt Eric. Not just seeing and knowing what you did but also you telling me the things that you did. I'm trying to forget about it. I really am," I shook my head. "I don't want to get hurt again."
"And I won't do that," he leaned his forehead against mine moving his hands down to wrap around my center. Our bodies were pressed up against each other tightly as he flushed my back harder up on the tree.
I knew that Eric wanted us to pick right back up where we left off but I couldn't do that just yet. It was still fresh in my mind. And though my mother had told me to make him work for it she also told me not to make him wait that long. If I really did plan on going through with this second chance then this meant that I had to move on from what happened and not hold it against him in the future. More often than it should though, his words of not caring and saying that he was through, still haunted me. In time I knew we would be past everything. And as for when that was, my mother told me that I would know when the time is right.
"Here," I pulled the small cloth out of my back pocket.
"What is this for," Eric took a step back but kept his hold on me.
"Your birthday," I answered. "I wanted to do more like put lights up around here," I motioned to our spot, "but you wanted to come to Amity tonight."
"I can't believe you remembered," he smiled taking it from my hand and opening the cloth slowly.
A small white fabric fell out and I looked away as he picked it up.
"Is this what I think it is," he asked.
I snatched it from his hand and balled it back up. Eric was able to take it away from my hold and continued to play with the white underwear between his fingers.
"That was another gift I planned on giving you," I said softly.
"What were we supposed to do with that," Eric teased.
I shook my head and continued to look away. Eric placed a hand under my chin to look up at him. Letting out a deep sigh I began to explain. "Amity use white for when they give themselves to that special someone. I know I'm making you wait but I wanted you to know that you would be that special someone."
"You're going to be that special someone too you know," he whispered and tried to lean in again.
"There's something else," I ducked my head away causing a sigh to leave Eric before he turned back to the cloth in his hand.
Eric chuckled when he pulled out the small book from the cloth and then kissed my cheek. "I actually got this for you," he reminded me.
"I've been writing in it ever since," I gulped and took the book opening it to the first page. "I started to write in it," I looked up at him, "after the choosing ceremony. I wrote in it almost every single day since then and I would really want you to read it. It has everything that I was going through, how I felt, my thoughts on you, on us," I finished softly.
"We'll get through this JoyAnna," he touched his forehead to mine. "I promise you we will."
We spent the rest of the night lying down in the grass by the riverside just holding onto one another. Eric promised that he would not only read but also write in the book about what he was going through and the next time we saw each other, I could read it. We had no communication glass or electronic device as Eric called it to talk to one another and Eric decided that this would be helpful for the both of us.
We set up a date when we would see each other again and just as Eric was about to leave, I pulled him back and gave him a quick kiss. Eric wrapped his hand around the back of my head but I pulled away before he could deepen the kiss. I took off and just before I was completely out of sight, I turned back around to see Eric staring at my retreating figure.
"I love you JoyAnna Summers," he shouted.
"And I love you Eric Coulter," I yelled back before running towards my house.
Jack kept his word and in the days that followed I began tailoring the house and how it would run exactly the same way that father would have did things. It brought some normalcy to the boys. Jensen stepped up a bit more as well. I think to see that I was doing things how Dad would, encouraged him. We did dinner the way we would if Dad was still alive and even kept his chair open. We decided that that would be where the baby could sit after it was born.
"Ooh," my mother rubbed her stomach and then took my hand in the middle of us washing dishes. "I'm telling you this one is going to be a handful," she smiled and then looked at me, "just like his sister."
I smiled and tapped my finger twice on my mom's stomach until I felt my brother kick at the same spot twice.
"You feel him?"
"I do," I answered. "Have you decided on a name?"
My mother shook her head and then moved a hand to my face causing me to look at her instead of her round tummy. "Have you," she asked.
I nodded.
"Well," she probed me for an answer.
"I would like to name him Jonah," I said as my mother smiled. "Jonah Summers Jr.," I added. "And if calling him Jonah makes the boys uncomfortable then we could call him J.J."
"Jonah," mother nodded and then looked back down to her stomach. "Would you like to talk to him?"
I let out a small tear and stared at my mother's stomach. "Hey buddy," I whispered. "This is your sister JoyAnna. I can't wait to meet you."
"Be careful with her," a voice said coming up from behind me. It was Jensen. "Our sister in a little on the wild side," he knelt down next to me. "But we love her that way. This is your brother Jensen. I'm pretty easy going."
"And this is James," he came running through the kitchen. "But everyone calls me Jimmy Bean because I'm small like a bean!" I caught him and sat him on my lap.
"As you can probably tell, we're a pretty loud bunch," Joshee said as he sat by Jensen. "Our father called us his pack of animals."
"Though you never will meet him, you'll meet us," I smiled as we sat in front of my mother. "We'll tell you all about him."
"We'll show you all the things that he showed us," added Jensen.
"It'll be as though he never left us," Joshee finished.
Jimmy bean stayed curled up in my arms but kept looking at mother's belly intently. Jensen wore his own smile as Joshua began to relate a story about something that our father had done. We sat there for a while continuing to listen to Jos as my mother wiped away a few tears. She'd be giving birth soon and all of us couldn't wait for our new family member to arrive. I guess what Josh had said was right all along. Father was with us, he was alive in all of us. Despite the fact that he wasn't physically here, he was there in our hearts. We would make sure that this new baby knew the same love that father had for all of us, he would have had for this baby too.