A/N: I told you that if you were all good little readers you would get it early. You thought I was joking, didn't you? I want to wish a happy birthday to kudostogill. I don't know how old you are but that's okay. Would you like us to rally and sing you the song???
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Chapter Twenty-Five
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Gil had joined Sara in bed and had even managed a short nap before his nightmares woke him again. At least this time he didn't wake up screaming. He lovingly watched Sara as she slept beside him, and wished he could just touch her. Just caress her face.
When Sara woke a short time later she rolled over to face Gil, who was lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. As was his custom he hugged the very edge of the bed. As she quietly watched him his eyes moistened with tears.
"Gil?" Sara propped herself up on her elbow. "What's wrong, honey?"
Her voice was soft and patiently urging. He found it comforting that she wasn't pushing him, only gently urging and waiting for a response when he was ready. In that moment he realized how incredibly patient she had been with him.
"I want to touch you." A tiny tear rolled down the side of his face and disappeared in his peppered hair. "I want to kiss you, to… make love to you… but I can't." His voice was reduced to a whisper at the end of his admission.
Sara's brow creased with confusion as she watched despair cover the face of the man whom she loved and adored.
"Why can't you touch me?" Again she gently prompted and waited while he tried to find the right words in his confused mind.
"I feel filthy." He simply said after a minute. "I've washed over and over, and I still feel their filth. I still feel them on me." He turned to look at her and the sorrow that filled his eyes renewed the ache in her heart.
Realization began to dawn on Sara. "Are you afraid that you'll make me dirty?"
"Yes." Gil whispered as he slowly nodded his head.
"If you can't wash away the feeling," she said thoughtfully. "Maybe I can."
Sara climbed out of bed and Gil watched her as she quietly padded around to his side took hold of his hand. She gently pulled him off the bed and, while still holding his hand, led him into the bathroom. She intently watched his eyes for a moment. Holding her gentle gaze, Gil realized how much he trusted her. Looking at her like this made his fears seem to disappear.
When Sara saw the trust in his eyes she bent over and gently tugged down his sleep pants and boxers. She guided him to sit down on the chair behind him and he quietly obeyed. He lifted his arms as she pulled his shirt up over his head and dropped it on the floor. Then she quietly lifted one leg, pulling off his bed clothes, and then the other. Then she removed the new flexi brace that Doctor Diller had given him in place of the straight leg brace that had limited his movement.
Neither of them spoke as he watched her every gentle and unassuming action. When he was finally naked she reached into the luxury, tiled shower and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature. When the water felt right she turned back around to see him still sitting in the chair, intently watching her. She began to undress herself, only taking her eyes off his when she pulled her shirt over her head. When she finally stood, naked, in front of him his eyes calmly wandered over her body.
When his eyes again met hers she held out her hand and waited for him to take it. He put his hand in her outstretched one and let her pull him to his feet and lead him into the shower. Sara closed the door and carefully pushed him back until he stood under the cascading water. She took the shampoo off the shelf and squeezed a small amount into her cupped palm. As she began messaging it into his hair Gil closed his eyes and relaxed into her touch. When she was finished she guided his head back under the water and rinsed his hair.
Sara then squeezed the body wash into her hand. Starting at his face, she gently and tentatively worked her way down the front of his body, not missing a spot. After washing his belly she knelt in front of him and first washed down the front of his right leg, and then down the front of his left. No part of her beloved was neglected by her touch - from behind his knees to the crevices between his toes.
After finishing with his legs, Sara applied more body wash to wash his genitals. But before doing so, she looked up at Gil for a moment. She knew those men had touched him in a way that had torn apart his heart and soul. So, as she used her right hand to gently caress and wash him, she used her left hand and signed, "I love you." Through her silent gesture she hoped to reveal how her own, open heart could repair his damaged one and her hands could offer a tender touch that could overpower any hate-filled action he had felt at the hands of those monsters.
Gil looked back into her eyes. His gaze reflected some shame, but upon seeing what Sara signed to him, his shame dissipated. He signed "I love you with all my heart" before closing his eyes and concentrating on her touch. Upon seeing his gesture Sara felt her own heart skip but she returned to her task. After washing his groin, she gently nudged his legs apart to wash between his legs and his inner thighs.
Gil opened his eyes and watched her as she rose to her feet and gently urged him to turn around. He complied and calmly waited as she applied more body wash and began rubbing it on the back of his neck and shoulders. She gently rubbed it over the healing flesh of his back, and then down the backs of his legs.
Sara meticulously cared for each part of Gil's body as she cleansed him. After applying one last dollop of body wash to the cupped palm of her hand she reached down to wash the last part of his body. As she slipped her petite fingers between his buttocks he gasped sharply and tensed. She had to make him realize that no part of his body, including that part which had been the focus of his rape, should ever be an epicenter of shame.
"It's okay," she whispered into his ear. "I promise that I won't hurt you."
Somewhat reluctantly, he forced himself to relax and allowed the mild intrusion. True to her word, Sara gently washed him then took down the retractable head and rinsed the soap off his body. She turned off the water and, taking his hand once again, led him out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the closet. She gently dried his body and then her own.
Gil would never be able to completely understand it, even though he would analyze it for years to come, but in that moment as he looked down at the love of his life all of his dirty feelings disappeared. Sara looked up at him with a kind smile.
"Do you feel better now?" Her voice was soft and full of concern.
"Let me show you." Gil felt revitalized as he lifted her into his arms and barely even noticed the discomfort that the extra weight caused in his injured knee.
He carried Sara back to the bedroom and gently laid her in the middle of the bed. At first he had positioned himself on his knees between her legs, but his knee demanded that he take the pressure off. He settled on the side of Sara, who turned slightly to face him. He gently caressed her breasts, allowing his thumb and forefinger to pay attention to her nipples. They quietly lied still and gazed into each others eyes. Gil gently pushed her upon her back again. She could see tears begin to shine in his eyes as he hovered above her and smiled.
"You saved my life." His voice was thick with emotion.
Before Sara could reply he dipped his head and kissed her full on the lips. She parted her lips as he gently pushed his tongue between them. The more their tongues danced, the more alive they both felt. He broke the kiss. A protest bubbled in her stomach, until she heard the confident timber of his voice.
"I love you, Sara." He said as he slowly panted for breath.
"I love you too, Gil." She gently cupped his face with her hands. "If you're not ready for this…"
"I am." He looked deep into her eyes. "I want to make love to you."
He kissed her again, but didn't linger on her lips. He slowly pressed soft kisses along her jaw line and down her slender neck, gently nipping at the skin. He worshiped every inch of her body. As he reached the top of her breast, he felt her shudder as his tongue circled her nipple before gently sucking it into his mouth. Sara entwined her fingers in his soft curls as he suckled at her breast, taking his time to pleasure her. A low moan escaped her lips as she closed her eyes and he moved to kiss his way across to her other breast. The tingling in her lower belly grew and intensified as she felt her sex become wet with desire. Gil could sense her arousal and his erection hardened as it pressed against her.
"Mmmmm… Gil…" Sara moaned as he reached down and ran a finger through the wetness and flicked his thumb back and forth upon her clit. Sara let go of his hair and grabbed his shoulders, bracing herself, as the first waves of pleasure rippled through her. Gil raised his head and watched her face as she came closer to her climax. He smothered her whimper with another kiss as he took his finger away, only to line himself up and enter her with one slow, deliberate thrust.
He set a slow and steady rhythm, letting himself get used to the feel of her around him as he was becoming overwhelmed by his own emotions and sensations. Then Sara saw uncertainty flash across his eyes as his thrusts faltered and he began to lose coordination.
"Gil," she panted as she cupped his face with her hands. To Sara, this wasn't about whether his thrusts were sloppy or the timing of his endurance or who would be able to come. This was about two souls reuniting after three animals tried to rip them apart. "I love you… no matter what."
The pure love and adoration in her eyes strengthened his resolve and spurred him on as he regained his rhythm and quickened his pace. Sara maintained her eye contact until she reached the edge of her climax. Her whole body clenched as she reached her orgasm and waves of pleasure rippled through her.
"Ohhh… Gil!!!" Sara cried as she pulsed around his cock and shut her eyes tight.
Gil felt like he couldn't control himself as her pulsating body clenched around his erection and he began to panic when he lost eye contact with her. His thrusts quickened and he began to drive them into her body with more force than he thought he had in him. Sara's cries of pleasure mixed with those of Shelling, Denalgio and O'Tool as their voices penetrated his ears again and visions of them raping him invaded his memory and their faces mingled with Sara's.
"Oh… yeah…" Denalgio moaned as he thrust into Gil's ass and reached down to grasp Gil's erect cock. "Oh… baby… you like that… don't you, slut."
Gil forced himself to calm back down as he came back to reality and realized that Sara had reached her climax and was beginning to come back to reality herself. He slowed his thrusts until they stopped altogether, and he softened inside her as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.
"Baby…" They both panted for breath. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing… just… tired." Gil lied, not wanting to tell her the truth and ruin the moment, as he lifted his head and forced a weak smile.
Sara was so happy that they had finally gotten past his ordeal and made love. She was a little saddened that he had not been able to reach his climax with her, but he still tired easily and she didn't mention it. Gil rolled them onto their sides and held Sara in a loving embrace as she cuddled into him and he covered them with a blanket.
Gil had been pleased that he had brought Sara to her orgasm, but the memories of being so violated remained, and Denalgio's words floated in his head.
"You like that… don't you, slut."
Gil shut his eyes tightly as he still felt every painful thrust and Rubin Denalgio's strong hand wrap around his willingly hard dick and roughly jerk him off.
Sara had drifted back off to sleep again but Gil quietly climbed out of bed and pulled on his pants. He padded in his bare feet down the stairs and into the kitchen where he got a bottle of water from the fridge. His hands shook as he unscrewed the cap and drank down several gulps before setting it on the counter.
He stumbled into the living room and dropped onto the couch. He shut his eyes but couldn't stop the tears, and hugged himself as he began to rock back and forth. He didn't understand what was happening. He had been doing so well, despite the nightmares. He had started taking control of his life again but now it felt as though it was slipping out of his grasp. It had begun so beautifully. He felt like they were really making passionate love again, like they had so many times before. But the tables had turned so quickly that he almost lost control and did something unspeakable to the woman he loved with all his heart. If he hadn't forced himself back to reality he feared that he may have actually lost control and hurt her.
Gil shook his head back and forth as he tried to shake the memories from his mind. Two words lingered though, even as the rest faded. Two words rang in his ears even after he covered them with his hands.
You slut.
You slut.
You slut.
Gil heard these words over and over. Anger began to overcome his fear and self-hatred had begun to overcome his renewed humiliation as he drove his fist into his right thigh. His bitter feelings remained as he continued to punch his thigh.
"I'm not a slut!" Gil grunted under his breath and through his clenched teeth. "I'm not a faggot! I'm not a faggot!"
He tried hard to convince himself but now he wasn't sure. He couldn't even come to orgasm with the woman he loved. His last orgasms were with his male captors. Maybe O'Tool's words were true. Maybe he was a faggot. He punched his thigh harder and harder.
Hank, who had followed his dad to the couch, whimpered each time Gil punched himself and ran and hid behind one of the easy chairs. Only his nose poked out from behind the chair as he watched his dad hurt himself.
"I'm not a faggot!" Gil cried angrily as he punched himself one last, tired time and gave up. "I'll prove it. I'll just prove that I'm not."
Gil calmed and was overtaken by exhaustion as he slumped back on the couch. Hank crawled out from behind the chair and reluctantly made his way over to Gil, sniffing and whining the whole way.
"It's okay, boy, I'm not mad at you." Gil soothed the pooch.
Gil patted the couch next to him and Hank jumped up beside his dad and laid his head on Gil's right thigh, covering the darkening bruise and looking up at his dad with saddened eyes.
"It's okay, boy, I'm done." Gil promised as he stroked the boxers head.
That is how the two fell asleep, and that is how Sara found them when she awoke to go to work. In bed alone, she quickly dressed in her robe and sought out Gil. When she found them on the couch, at first she felt confused he left her in bed. But it wasn't the first time he retreated to be with Hank, and Sara refused to be jealous of such a faithful companion. It seemed to her Gil was enjoying respite since his body was still. She went to the kitchen to make coffee and then went to get ready for work.
Gil opened his eyes when he heard Sara leave the room. Although fully awake, he didn't move. While his body stayed in its prone state, his mind worked in overdrive.
Rubin Denalgio laid face first on the cold concrete with his hands tightly bound behind him. He writhed and screamed in pain with each and every strike of the hard leather cat-of-nine tails. It stuck his body over and over again, each hit ripping away pieces of flesh and splattering blood in all directions.
When the beating finally stopped, Rubin lay still. His body screaming out in pain and he believed that he couldn't possibly suffer any more. Then his knees were forced underneath him and up to his chest, so that his ass stuck straight up into the air.
"Please," Rubin begged weakly. "Please…sir…please don't rape me again."
Gil stared down at him with pure hate and malice in his eyes. He put his foot on Rubin's neck, forcefully holding him down on the floor, as he turned the whip over in his hand. The handle, which was a foot long and quite thick in his hand, was caked with dried blood and feces from the two previous times that he had used for the violent act.
The expression on Gil's face was one of sick satisfaction. It pleased him to not just lower his tormentor down to the level that he had been forced to, but to throw him down to that level, violently, and force him to suffer the same pain that he had.
Without warning or hesitation Gil rammed the handle of the whip into Rubin's ass until it disappeared completely. Rubin let out a blood curdling scream of pain as he lurched forward in an attempt to escape his tormentor but Gil's foot was strong and kept Rubin's face pressed to the floor.
Gil pulled the handle out and rammed it into his captive again. He repeated the action several times, the smile on his face growing wider as Rubin's screams grew louder. The pain mixed with the involuntary pleasure that was forced on Rubin's prostate.
"No, God, please no!" Rubin begged as he felt himself harden.
"Who's the fucking slut now?!" Gil screamed as Rubin came hard beneath him.
Gil's body stayed still, but he still physically responded to his daydream. His breathing quickened, a slight sheen of sweat beaded upon his forehead, and his lips trembled slightly. Yet his expression seem pained or distressed. His eyes were glazed and didn't waver, even when he consciously heard the doorbell ring.
Sara opened the front door when she heard the bell ring and ushered in a smiling Nick.
"Hey, Sara, how are you doing?" Nick asked as he stepped through the door.
"I'm okay, Nick. How are you?"
"Okay," he nodded. "Where's Grissom?"
"He's in the living room. Come on."
Sara lead Nick into the living room to see Gil unmoved from his place on the couch. Gil didn't take notice of them upon their entry, or when Sara spoke his name. Sara and Nick looked at each other as they stopped in front of Gil. The look in his eyes, matched with the chilling and sadistic smile on his face, scared both of them. They both readied themselves for a repeat outburst as Sara reached out and touched his arm.
"Gil?" She called him and he startled, ever so slightly, and looked up at her.
"W-W-What?"
"Nick's here to stay with you while I'm at work. Are you okay?"
As Gil realized where he was and the way they were looking at him he recomposed himself and smiled. "I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired."
Sara had offered to help him before she left but he said he would be fine if Nick just went up the stairs with him. Sara felt uneasy as she left the house but knew that Gil was in good hands and reminded herself that she could trust Nick to watch over him and that she needed to trust Gil that he really wasn't going to give up.
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A/N: I know that it is not quite what you wished for, but that shower scene was fluffy like a pillow:D I hope it satisfies your need for fluff until the really good stuff comes you could use that pillow to choke someone to death... LOL!!!
On a more serious note. Some of you are probably thinking that Grissom's violent fantasies are OOC, but I assure that they are not and it will soon be explained.