Know Yourself by Drake

Hercules the German shepherd left me soon after that, disappearing back into the forest from which he came.

Boys. Can't really count on them to stick around, can you?

I started trekking up towards the castle again when it got cold, trying to sort out all my priorities for when I got there.

Contrary to what I was expecting, no one was looking at me like I was a freak. In fact, no one was looking at me at all when I went back to the Great Hall. It was already dinner time; no use staring at some late comer while you could be eating.

I found Lily sitting with Remus, James, Marlene, Alice, Jardin, and...Sirius. I slid into the empty seat next to Marlene and stared at my plate. It knew exactly what I wanted because a bowl of Greek porridge, composed simply of chicken bits, rice, egg and lemon, appeared. On the side was a piece of rolled pita, stuffed with thin slices of lamb.

"Where've you been, prodigal daughter?" Lily teased, biting daintily into her Yorkshire pudding.

"Library and the Black Lake," I muttered vaguely.

I guess I looked a bit sad and a bit too dejected because she added, "We looked for you before coming to eat, you know," as if that made me upset.

"It's fine, don't worry about it, Lily," I assured her.

I wonder if Sirius remembers this outfit, I thought. It was the same one I had worn to the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, when he had asked me. I realized he had been completely quiet since I arrived as I began to eat my porridge.

"Blimey, when it's this cold?" James asked. He piled more green peas and pearl onions onto his plate as he spoke. "Who kept you company?"

A blush crept up my neck. At the library or at the Black Lake?

"A dog, at the Black Lake," I answered. "But he left me. Can't really count on guys, humans nor animals, to stick around, can you?"

I had said this with so much quiet (and mostly unintended) venom I sounded almost like Severus. Subconsciously, I had voiced my opinion from earlier when Hercules left me; in the process, my words had forced everyone into uncomfortable silence.

After awhile, Remus cleared his throat.

"I have to go, you guys," he said sheepishly. "Leila wants to meet in the library to, uh, talk about yesterday."

I snorted derisively. "Better limit it to just talking or else I'm deducting points from you both."

James, Marlene, Alice, Jardin, and even Lily stifled a laugh. Remus blushed as he stood to leave.

"If either of you have smeared makeup anywhere on either of your bodies, you'll be getting detentions!" I called to his back. He turned around and stuck his tongue at me.

"Bollocks!"

I returned his grin before going back to my porridge.

"We checked for you in the library," Jardin piped up, bringing the conversation back 'round to my disappearance. "One of the second years said you bolted out crying. Is everything alright?"

Had I really been crying? I didn't remember tears. But I avoided Sirius's eyes just in case. And blushed a shade so red I probably matched Lily's hair. No doubt he had seen his brother sometime today. I spooned a bit of porridge into my mouth to stall.

"Yeah. Fine. Just a...sad book in the library," I muttered meekly. Alice stuck out her bottom lip and pouted prettily.

"I know how you feel. Sadness and anger and betrayal on paper sometimes feels so...real," she told me. I nodded slowly in agreement.

"Padfoot," James said suddenly, "are you alright? This morning with Amanda you were fine, but when you came back from lunch you seemed ticked."

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that I hadn't been the only one to notice Sirius's uncommon silence. I allowed myself a peek at Sirius's face. His hair covered most of it as he moved a pea around on his plate.

"Yeah," Sirius answered in a low voice. "Saw Reg today in the corridor. Talked a bit."

I began to sweat more than Garrett Salzberg, a chunky bloke on Hufflepuff's Quidditch team, during practice. I started to panic. And then...I saw Lily open her mouth.

Hoe don't do it, I thought, mentally begging her and hoping she would somehow hear me.

"What did you talk about?" Lily asked.

Oh my god.

It was a noble thing she was doing, really, by trying to keep the conversation alive and all. But it was usually Remus who did this. Now that he was gone to 'talk with Leila', all of us felt horribly awkward. It didn't feel...right.

"Not much, really. Talked about how my Uncle Alphard's doing," he grumbled. When everyone except James exchanged confused looks, Sirius added, "One of two relatives of mine that aren't batshit crazy."

"Ah," Marlene said, as if she understood.

And suddenly, a strange feeling came over me. I stopped caring. I felt immensely light and relaxed. But what replaced my anguish and anixety was most likely sheer stupidity.

"Oi, James," I hissed as the rest of the girls began talking about what Jemma wore to the last Hogsmeade trip. "Got a minute?"

He swallowed before speaking. "Maybe after dinner. Why?"

"I want to try something," I said simply. He furrowed his eyebrows, clearly confused.

To clarify, I howled like a wolf.