Chapter 24 – Manifestation
My words...So this chapter is really important and a lot of big changes are coming forward after this. Many new things, topics and issues will arrive and i hope you are all ready and enjoy this chapter a lot! Pleaseeeeee REVIEW and FAVORITE/FOLLOW! It helps me a lot and makes me feel better (plus I write faster when you guys do!)
My thanks... XWarrior, if it wasn't for you I don't know where my writing would be. You are fantastic and beautiful and an entirely amazing person, inside and out I'm sure! Your help has made my story so much better and because of it I owe my sincerest gratitude to you. You're amazing girl! Love you! As for the dancing, she was simply swaying to the music since the Moonlight Sonata is very slow. Also the beginning is simply important for blocking and for setting up placement for tension (plus a throwback #pancakes). Also, gotta love pain meds. I hope that my rendition of Four is to your liking! Next chapter we get to see a more personal side to Four, hopefully :)
Go check out XWarrior's fantastic and beautiful piece of writing, Aria The Skraeling Uprising after you read this!
Previously...
After an unguarded second, Tiffany pulled up to a door in relatively good condition, wear and use in the grooves of stone. She knocked: once, twice, a hard pounding sound that spoke of a cut and dry, get to the chase, type of greeting. It held no hellos or pretty welcomes.
The welcome that I did get, though, surprised me more than Tiffany could have anticipated, when Four opened the door with an equally shocked look on his face.
And all I could think through the haze of oncoming ache within my ribs, burgeoning through the fog of meds, the secrecy of it all, was: what?
A small smile pinched the corners of my cheeks despite the entire situation as I watched Four's brown gaze slide from Tiffany's to my own. He swallowed thickly, the motion as obvious as if he had just consumed a rock the size of my fist. I liked Four. He had an open face that you could read easily, unlike Eric's, where everything was hidden and encoded like some computer program.
Or maybe it was just that I had always hated the computer software coding stage of Erudite Major. I had to hand to it to the Erudites who were good at electronics, it wasn't an easy field.
Trickling fear settled in the pit of my stomach that felt about as big as the one Four had seemingly swallowed as Four's eyes glanced between Tiffany and I. His gaze became guarded and his grip on the door visibly tightened. "What is she doing here?" Four asked carefully, eyes snapping to my own. "No offense."
"None taken," I answered. "I don't even know why I'm here." Both of our intense glares fell to Tiffany and she smiled toothily, pushing on Four's chest with her open palm. Four pulled the door closer to him, as if he was trying to hide something behind the stone piece. It took me a moment and then I slowly came to the extreme circumstance that presented itself. "Wait, how do you two know each other?"
Tiffany sighed, brushing a short piece of dyed white hair back behind her ear and straightening in front of the doorframe. "All right, let's cut the chit chat," the hairdresser pushed Four back and he stepped into what I assumed was his apartment. She sighed, pulling my arm and leading me into his apartment before shutting the door and chuckling. "Divergent, meet Divergent." Her hands did that little motion as if she was showing off two platters of food to one another and I gaped at her. Then I gaped at Four.
Something settled in me at that moment with the realization that not only was I Divergent but so was Tiffany and Four. Then again, I was more than a little suspicious of the whole situation.
"What?" I asked in a ragged voice, a long breath expelling from my lungs.
Tiffany just smirked at me. Boy, I kinda wish I had it in me to clock her at that moment, but I was pretty sure I was in no shape to pick a fight with anyone and her witty comeback was worth little in the scheme of things. "Welcome to the club, now can we please get started on what's really important?"
I felt a little less than welcome with Four's eyes on me as if I was a foreign species. Or maybe a disease of some sort. I couldn't really tell with the whole silent thing going on and the only person who was talking in that moment was Tiffany's snarky self.
"Ashe," Four's voice was rough as he glanced over at me and shook himself. I felt like doing the same, the new information making my heart strum within my chest like a percussion beat. I paled. "I never pegged you for a Divergent."
Out of it all, I let out a small chuckle, nervous. What did it all mean? Surely the amount of Divergents in the room meant that there had to be more. A lot more.
The relief that swelled inside my chest came unbound, a long exhalation inside of me released that I didn't realize I had been holding. I wasn't alone. Sure I had known about Tiffany but that was no consolation.
But Four? Four was my trainer; he obviously passed with flying colors and that meant he could coach me through the training process without there being any suspicion. Except, I was still suspicious.
"Trust me, the feeling's mutual." I murmured. Four's eyes traveled to Tiffany and back to me. For a moment I felt shy. Being the new Divergent exhibit wasn't exactly the greatest feeling when he continued to gape at me with some sort of mix between disbelief and my shared relief. The question was, why would he be relieved?
My thoughts felt extremely sluggish as I tried to piece together everything going on. So much was being thrown at me that I felt poised to expect mythical creatures to be real and a world to live outside of the factions. If Four was Divergent then there was a lot of things I obviously didn't know.
"What's important?" I asked. Tiffany's eyes meandered to Four's.
"Do you remember what we were talking about earlier?" She waited for the recognition to spark in his eyes and when it did, she continued as if I wasn't even present. "That whole thing with your initiate and Eric. Well, if she's Divergent, then you kind've know what that means."
"You guys know I'm still here, right?" Four swept Tiffany behind him and strode towards me.
"It's okay, hey," Four's hand wrapped around my shoulder and I flinched at the touch, wincing as his hand brought a lightning path of pain. Sore didn't even begin to describe it.
"I don't need consolation, I want some answers." It wasn't until I looked at Four and then Tiffany, really looked, that I figured out why Four had responded by trying to calm me down. I was completely freaking out. I inhaled sharply, backing away from Four and Tiffany. My eyes darted around the room. It was neat and more lofty than Eric's room. It was obvious that Four had torn down some space to make everything in the room, except the bathroom, open. There was a simple bed towards the right with grey bedsheets and a walkway that led to a beautiful skyline view. I suddenly felt cornered, fitting myself awkwardly into the curve between one wall that seemed to connect to a walk-in kitchen and the living room. I settled to the floor, my arms curling around my legs. My breathing labored, my sides beginning to hurt with the strain.
What did it all mean? Four was Divergent, Tiffany was Divergent, I was Divergent. A small part of me wondered what Four's aptitude was but I wasn't in the right headspace to ask. I was anxious, maybe some of it left over from my panic attack at Eric's impersonation of Archer. Tiffany had brought up Four's initiate–Eric's initiate. My heart almost stopped. Zach. Out of Eric's apartment and his presence, I felt the terror seize my chest. I shook my head. I was so not ready to get into that bag of cats. Four walked forward, each step careful and precise, before kneeling before me on one knee.
"Do you want something to drink?" The perusal of his eyes on me made me speculate if one of his aptitudes was Erudite. He was surely analyzing me. "It looks like you've been training. Probably a bad idea for someone in your shape."
I was fine, I wanted to snap, but I knew it was useless. I was definitely not fine.
"Okay," my voice was raspy. It sounded like I had been screaming; great.
"Okay." Four smiled, reaching his hand out to me. I took it and he lifted me up, bringing me to the kitchen. He strolled over to a nice metallic fridge, opened it and threw a water bottle towards me. I caught it in my hands. "Nice reflexes." I dipped my head and took a sip, not acknowledging his praise. I was a little surprised Tiffany had gone so long without making a smart joke about something I was doing wrong. A wall next to Four's head read in big letters Fear God Alone. The color had to have left my face.
"Okay." I sucked up my shock and fear, choosing to trudge forward. "What's the deal with this surprise meeting?" Tiffany shot a look at Four. Obviously it was Four's turn to try. He breathed, looking like he was preparing too.
"The other day, before you fought Archer in the ring, Max made the announcement about Zach killing Shea and exiled him, right?" Tightness snatched my pulse, dragging at my heart and making it speed up at the same time. I nodded, afraid of my voice cracking if I tried to speak. How had I held it together so long and felt so ready to break apart right after resolving myself to forgiving Eric?
God I was so pitifully weak.
"I assume that wasn't really Max but Eric." Four sought my eyes as if he could yank out the truth. If that was the case, he already had a whole profile on what had happened. Pretty sure I was an open book, I held my tongue. Probably not the best moment to choose that path, but yeah, I did anyways. Wouldn't be the first mistake in my life, I reasoned bitterly.
"Why would you think that?" I asked, but it was wobbly.
"You don't really talk to Max." He shrugged. "And I watch the camera feeds because I'm a guard."
"Then why ask?" My tone was sharp. Another shrug.
"It helps to have the truth on the table." I felt the sharp tang of bile rise in my throat. Truth. The sour memory of Eric promising he wouldn't hurt Zach replayed in my head. Well, he hadn't exactly lied, had he? "It wasn't the smartest move on his part, honestly. It will isolate you from the other initiates and force their trust away." I was following, a little unsure of where he was going with his recount of how many ways I had screwed up royally. "But it may have just been a test."
I couldn't hold it back. I let out a long laugh, the sound a bit hysterical to my ears. "A test?" Quickly I silenced myself when I realized Four was completely serious. And Tiffany was shooting daggers my way. "You're serious?" Four tilted his head side to side, considering the option.
"Tiffany thought of it first, since she saw the way you and Eric acted around each other. Then I figured it seemed appropriate. That day I warned you after you left Tiffany's salon, I knew something was up with Eric." Four brushed his fingers through his dark, wavy brown hair. A nervous tick? "I still don't know what it is, but it's obvious he wants something from you." That idea made chills run down my spine, igniting me at the same time. I practically rolled my eyes at my emotions. Instead, I straightened.
Believing that I could trust Four, I responded. "He said that he was trying to protect me–from Archer." Four's brow rose at me and Tiffany's gaze quickly darted to Four. "What?"
"Did Eric say what he was protecting you from?" It was the first time that Tiffany had spoken to me since Four decided to recap what had happened the other day and her words were spiked with contempt. Telling Tiffany wasn't exactly what I wanted to do but knowing that they were both Divergent made me feel a certain familiarity with them.
"Yeah. He said that Archer was planning to..." I looked at Tiffany again and when I did, Four stepped forward, cutting my attention to him.
"It's okay, she just wants to help you like I do."
My eyes narrowed at him. "Help me how, exactly?" Tiffany nodded her head towards the opposite side of the wall where there were those words painted into the stone. A tarp covered a large looking square board, the corner peeking out from below the dark charcoal fabric. The color reminded me of the old Abnegation blankets that I would see them give to the Factionless around the streets, covering their shoulders and sending them well wishes. Most of them were elderly and the thought of having to walk past so many of them through the streets set an aching in me that I wasn't sure had ever left. Anger quickly took its place. How could I have forgotten that helplessness and despair that spoke to me through all of their eyes? I knew it was Dauntless that had set me apart from that girl and for the first time it began to terrify me.
"You should probably show her what you're talking about so she trusts us." Tiffany leaned against the wall adjacent from me, picking at the dirt underneath her nails. Four sighed, rubbing a palm over his face as if he wanted to just leave the room and forget even trying. I could feel where he was coming from. A war was tearing up half of me, one part wanting to run away as far as I could and one firmly planted where I stood. All I knew was I needed to know more. I nodded my head, honing in on Four.
Sauntering towards the board, Four slowly pulled the blanket off the board, revealing a panel of wood with papers stapled and pinned to the hard surface. Strings connected different sections, some red, some blue. My hand shot out and covered my mouth, holding in my gasp. Even from afar I could make out faces on the board, some with head shots and smiles, others of pictures that looked like they had been taken after death. Tentatively stepping further into Four's apartment, the pictures became more clear. Paper clippings were attached to each face, the entire board covered in faces and names. Breath labored, my fingers slipped down to my heart where I was sure it would beat of my chest.
Studying the board more closely, my eyes caught on a girl that I recognized. "I know this girl," I whispered, voice taut. Four slipped beside me, leaning in towards the slab of wood. "I saw her get shot. It wasn't a random murder," like it stated below her headshot after her visit to the Erudite morgue. My hands felt numb, shaking uncontrollably. The girl was young, barely my age, but it seemed so long ago that her face had been blurry until now. "The man who shot her said she was Divergent. That she had to be eliminated." Four gestured that he understood, bowing his head.
"We know." My scrutiny fell onto him. "It's one of the many cases where Divergents have been randomly yet systematically killed." One of the many cases. Everything felt slippery around me. Black edged my vision and it became so much harder to breathe. Many. I gaped at the board, thinking of how many more cases there were; how many more names, faces? Divergents.
Tiffany piped up. "Three weeks later her mother committed suicide, or so it seems." She raised her eyebrows and for a small second I wanted to hit her. The woman looked completely unfazed by the entire situation. Then again, how long had she known about this along with Four? At least Four shared my empathy for the people plastered on the board. I shook my head.
"Her mother was there the day she was shot. I thought–" My words died in my throat, a choking sound replacing whatever I was going to say. Quickly I tried to gain my composure. "I thought everyone was hunting Divergents in the open."
"Not every faction." Four said solemnly, peeking at me from the corner of his honey brown eyes. He was sweet and I trusted him, the feeling washing over me and calming my nerves. I wasn't so sure that I could say the same for Tiffany but maybe it was her snappy nature. "Do you think there's a reason Eric's taken you under his wing? Protected you?"
Tiffany scoffed from across the room, propelling herself from the wall towards us. "If you call throwing her under the bus protecting her, then sure." Four shot her a look and she just scowled, crossing her forearms over her chest. The insignificant movement prompted the image of Eric doing the same thing, only with a much angrier face, but I shut that thought out of my head.
"You know what I mean." Four continued, unconcerned with Tiffany's outburst. "Is there any way he could know you're Divergent?"
"No...I've been very secretive about what I am. And if he knew, I think he would've killed me already." I regarded the board next to me with a sick sense of dread forming at the back of my neck. I could easily become that girl. "But he's been acting really funny recently."
"It's not like you just go around to hair salons being digitally monitored and practically yell, 'I'm a Divergent' to anyone so that people with eyes, ears and a singular brain cell could get what you're saying." Tiffany sneered, catching me off guard. She may have had a really mocking tone with most of the things she said but she had never just shown her dislike for me outright like she had then.
"Do you have a problem with me?" I whipped around, shutting out Four's motion. He looked like he was about to lose it. At any other time I would've laughed at Four's flailing expression and Dahlia probably would have about twenty number jokes she would say, but here everything was so much more disheartening.
The Divergent woman snickered. "If I had a problem with you, little girl, you would know." My fists clenched at that, anger boiling inside of me. I didn't think I had any energy left over from training with Eric but the tide of emotions and adrenaline surging from her words definitely allowed me to at least try and get a good punch in. The only question was, would my side split open if I tried anything more effortful than faux hits?
"You know what? You have no idea what I've been through, so how dare you!" I wanted to yell at her, or at least that was what I tried to do, but it came out a strangled cry. She had the nerve to looked surprised.
"How dare I? Do you know how many innocent lives you have put at risk since you've been here? Almost uncovering months of planning and operations with a simple chat over hair dye!–"
"Stop it! The both of you." Four raised his hands to the both of us, stepping into the space between us. It was then I realized I had taken a few large steps in Tiffany's direction. My hands unclenched and I let go of the inside of my cheek. Four shook his head at Tiffany and then glanced to me expectantly. "We have a lot of work to do but I don't think that any of that is meant for today." I opened my mouth and then shut it, repeating the motion once or twice, probably making myself look like a handicapped fish. For a moment I simply felt the intense and overwhelming need to just burst into a kind of manic laughter. There was always the feel of crying, sure, it came with the job description of all this mess, I thought to myself, the brink of fast and hard tears streaming down my cheeks a constant I could reach for in these dark and growing darker times, but in that moment I simply had the gut punch emotion to just let out a torrent of held back laughter.
There was nothing around to laugh about other than the notion that life and fate and any other word for it continually threatened to throw me over some edge, as if saying screw you. Constantly. I had the carnal wish to just throw my head back, expose my neck and allow that easily vulnerable motion to be a kill blow to everything I knew, the string of mirthless laughs close behind. Because how could I had fallen any further away from the life I had wanted when I had chosen Dauntless? If fate had ever given me the chance to make something of my own, that time had definitely come to pass. And as I stared at the wall of photos and names and lost faces to time, just needless blood dripping from someone else's fingers, I let out a quiet sob as I realized that I wasn't the worst off.
I was lucky.
I had been given the chance to make a choice and breathe. I'd wasted that choice, of course, until that terrible moment when I understood that fate had said screw you to the fates of countless faces around me and yet here I stood, to look at them all, and cry for my fortune and their loss. Didn't that change everything? It meant, certainly, that my life could never be my own again. It meant that I would avenge the lives on the wall on the opposite stone face painted Fear God Alone.
Because who else could you fear after death?
Because death was my closest friend in these times, accounting for more nameless dead than those alive.
It took me a long minute but I found my voice, silent tears staining my cheeks.
"So what am I supposed to do until then? Disappear?" I couldn't help but let my eyes drift to the board. The thought nagging at the back of my mind made me come to face the fact that I would probably have to see Eric and I wasn't sure what my response would be to looking at him now. Now that I knew what happened to people like me because of people like him all over the factions.
Four chuckled. "No. We'll meet tomorrow after we have all cooled down." His eyes did a shifty thing, like chocolate slipping off of a spoon as he perused Tiffany's side of the room. "And you aren't invited."
I was pretty sure Tiffany wanted to punch him but a second flood of relief swept through me. I wouldn't have to stare her down and feel like I was breaking an obscene amount of Divergent moral codes. Four placed his hand at the small of my back and led me to the door. "Just try to relax, get some rest and–" he took a deep and what seemed like a much needed breath. "Don't tip anyone off to what you saw tonight." By anyone I knew he meant Eric. I could not promise that I wouldn't punch him but I had found some sort of self restraint on Tiffany's side. I could wait. Plus, if all went well, Eric and I would train tomorrow. It gave me an excuse to throw all of my anger towards that.
"Okay," I murmured. Four let me out in front of his door and shut it, leaving Tiffany and him alone inside. For the first time in a while, I wasn't exactly sure where to go. I didn't want to go to Eric's apartment and see him after everything I had just learned. Especially all of the things I knew I had yet to learn.
Something had shifted though. I couldn't tell what just yet, but it was like a pile of stone had been lifted from my shoulders. There was another Divergent like me, and more like them, and plenty more who needed my help. Our help. That needed me to stay alive in their name. I may not have had any family or parents but I had them and that kinship felt like a link connecting me to something that had been broken for so long. They had so much to lose and more–more than I did.
I trekked through the hallways, finding myself at the dorm room full of initiates that I hadn't been to in what felt like ages. I stood at the bottom of the stairwell, glancing around the large room where beds outlined the grimy floors and walls. There was a new ornament to the opening, a large quilt of different blankets tied together separating what looked like the girls from the boys. Half of me expected Shea to barrel through the slit in the fabric or Zach to smile wistfully from the other side, his eyes connecting to Vera's, but none of that happened.
What did happen was a little weirder.
Dahlia was the first one to notice me, her eyes going wide. She jumped up and down for a minute and then wrapped her arms around me with a little shriek of excitement. As soon as her vibrant green eyes met my own, I knew I had made the right decision by coming here. "My god, it's actually you! I haven't seen you in days!" She flitted around the room, pulling a big sweater over her head and throwing a similar looking one at me. It wasn't until the fabric was in my hands that I looked down and saw I was wearing a pretty demolished tank top and dusty leggings. I had completely forgotten what I was wearing. Smiling with a sure blush, I pulled the sweater on and followed her tittering body wherever she went. A few other eyes followed me but I ignored them, trained solely on jumpy Amity girl.
After a minute she ended up at another stairwell and we climbed down, entering the room quietly. A bunch of rough looking kids my age stood around, talking. Jake was in the middle making a bunch of hand gestures until he saw us and stopped. I smiled at him but his eyes dropped. A tight feeling grew in my stomach at his response. Jake meandered forward from the group, saying a few see ya later's until he stood in front of us.
Jake cleared his throat. "Long time no see," he mumbled, taking me in. I knew I looked pretty disheveled but he made no way of hiding it from his eyes. Dahlia's green irises lost their luminescent twinkle momentarily.
"Well," she began. "I thought we could all get some food in the mess hall since we're all together."
My heart constricted and Jake's face contorted unreasonably.
"We're not all together, Dahlia."
Dahlia's big eyes widened, realizing what he meant. I, however, recognized the sharpness in his tone. His words felt like a physical blow straight to the wounds I had been nursing for days in Eric's apartment like a total coward. The dawning realization that I deserved each and every one of his responses made my stomach twist violently. The Amity girl forced a smile, turning to me and then to Jake, fumbling.
"Oh you know what I mean, we haven't seen her in days."
Jake nodded. "We haven't." I swallowed the ball of sorrow that seemed to lock itself in my throat. "Forget it, let's just get out of here." Jake threw a jacket on and followed Dahlia, the mood suddenly squashed. Well, there went that.
"Oh. My. Chocolate." Dahlia made a noise somewhere in between a squeal and a gasp, moving forward like a little pixie from hell. She delved into the dessert table in the mess hall, her fingers closing around three or four objects before she finally settled on one. "Look at this!" The red headed girl turned to Jake and I, Jake wearing a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's a little banana. A little banana."
"You know, that's great and all, but you just skipped all the chocolate." Jake remarked, closing in on my personal space. Half of his side brushed against my own, sending warmth down my arm. I tried to seek out something from the closed blue in his gaze, but he turned away with that same wistful smile. I hadn't had the chance to talk to him since what happened to Zach and Vera. The aching sensation spreading through my chest had nothing to do with my injuries. A panicky grip closed over my heart, not because he looked at me with hate or even joy but just with...nothing.
I was pretty sure that his nothing look hurt me more than the outwards hate I was expecting.
I thought of it like Tiffany's disdain; I could handle that by shoving my fist in her face or answering in a very unladylike manner. With Jake, the only thing I could really do was be silent.
"Don't you dare knock my little banana!" Dahlia held it tightly into her chest, the small yellow fruit spanning the length of her tanned, slim neck. "It's adorable."
Jake just rolled his eyes. "Yes, it's a very awesome little banana." The nothing was quickly filled with mirth as we moved away from the dessert table, Dahlia still clutching at the fruit. Chuckling underneath my breath, Dahlia's eyes switched from my moving form to Jake's, where they narrowed and took him in.
"You know," she pressed nonchalantly. "I'm sure that there are smaller things in this vicinity, like your brain, or maybe even your–"
"Okay, that's enough oh-fiery-one," I intervened before she made Jake laugh any harder, the Dauntless born shaking his head as he followed our moving bodies on the line.
"I'm sure you'd find that like your banana, both of your examples are awesome and adorable." She squinted at him, and I imagined that if she could, little sparks of fire would shoot from her eyes and incinerate Jake on site. I couldn't stop my skin from overheating as realization set in that our topic of conversation had left that of the banana realm and instead took the angle of an innuendo. I held her in a tight bear hug, her body squirming against me. I had no doubt that she could easily break my embrace–she was a higher rank than me and I was in no shape to hold anyone back–but she kept herself in my grasp. The Amity girl let out a little growl, sighed and then blew a loose chunk of hair out of her eyes. Leave it to the initiate from a peaceful faction to beat me in the combat ring.
Jake's glance found mine throughout the comedic meltdown. We stood that way, locked in looks, while Dahlia took in her composure. Jake winked at me. I blushed, turning towards Dahlia and fidgeting with my hands. Since when in hell did Jake wink at me? And when did hell freeze over for me to blush? "Does anyone know where the normal sized banana's are?" I asked in a pitifully quiet voice.
Dahlia muttered under her breath, "There's one right behind us."
"Ha ha," Jake poked Dahlia in the side, curling in his finger while Dahlia let out a stream of helpless giggles. "Let the little banana take that!"
Dahlia dodged away from Jake with such force, moving as if he had held a taser to her. "No! Anything but the tickles!" The show they made was helplessly sweet, made even harder for my quickly sinking heart to bare by the endless wit and genuine happiness that poured out of their presence. A small part inside of me that I was considering the option of smothering into submission made me ponder the thought of how different their lives would be if they knew about Divergents. Not happy, I mused bitterly.
I shoved away the theory as Dahlia and Jake hopped off, not far out of sight, but something else took my attention almost immediately. I stiffened, sudden awareness flooding my body. Another side brushed my own, sending a type of electric thrill down my spine. I dared to look up.
Lush forest colliding with an endless horizon of ocean. The force of peering into Eric's eyes was purely magnetic: unstoppable. Utterly captivated by the way they seemed to dance over my body, unabashedly taking me in, I felt myself blush for the second time in only a few moments and cursed whatever was going on. Someone had definitely taken over and it was not me.
"Hi," he murmured, his voice throaty and thick. It reminded me of the melted chocolate I had just passed. Undoubtedly sweet and luxurious. The recollection of Eric's soft lips gliding against my own made a shudder roll through my shoulders, down my spine and to my knees. Oh boy. I swallowed and then proceeded to pale to an off shade of olive.
"Hi there." I squeaked in response. When did I squeak? I shook my head, calmed my nerves and stared at the food in front of me. The casserole ogled me back, silently judging my obvious way of avoiding the soldier-slash-leader next to me. It was just what Four and Tiffany had told me making me on edge, I wagered while I scooped up a plate of string beans. Remembering their words, an icy chill spread through me. He was still the killer of at least one of the Divergent's on Four's slab of dead and my neck prickled from the growing reasons why I should run as his presence stayed dangerously near me. Eric told me before that he had killed many people but I never truly believed it until I saw all of the faces on the wall. I couldn't connect any to him, none that I saw on Four's board at least, but the fear still lingered in my thoughts.
Wall be damned, I had to admit that being this close to him, not sweaty and in pain from sparring all day, sent a bombardment of tingles shooting through my body. It was always there and for the past few days I had convinced myself that my weird attraction to him had been evaporated by my anger and distrust, but they still hovered there like an unwelcome alien invasion. If there was one thing Erudite had done to me, it was help me tell the difference between stick-up-their-butt lab workers and the built physique of a soldier. I had no problem with appreciating the guy's good looks.
That's all it was, I acquiesced the nerves frying my senses alive inside of me, just a really hot leader. The sensations reminded me of butterflies, pinching the sides of my waist as I stood within breathing distance of him. Then the realization of who he really was would hit and the butterflies in my stomach would stop fluttering and the worried queasiness would start.
Knowing about him even killed off my good-looks butterflies.
I mentally added whacking myself upside the head to my to-do list. Man I had issues.
"I couldn't find you in the apartment when I looked," he said casually, pushing himself over the table to grab a small bread bun. Muscles bunched underneath his jacket and I glanced away, composing myself.
"Y-yeah," I stuttered, temperature rising in my cheeks. God it wasn't the time to start getting afraid and mumbling incoherently now. "I wanted to see Dahlia and Jake." Why was I explaining myself to him? I straightened and tried to kick my emotions into submission like Eric could. I couldn't let him know what I had seen but as he gazed down into my eyes, I felt completely bare.
Shit.
Eric's eyes honed in on me, making everything else in the room stop. I couldn't hear the rest of the chatter. Instead, a ball of fear tightened my muscles, making my nerves tick like a bomb prepared to detonate. "I thought I had made myself clear. You could've hurt yourself." I held back the scoff that threatened to pounce from my throat. It almost sounded like he was worried about me. My eyes darted to his.
I hesitated. "Yeah, well I didn't. So there." I dropped a fork onto my practically empty plate and tried to move away. Eric grasped my arm, firmly enough to rattle me but it didn't hurt.
"Did something happen?" He asked, eyes scanning the mess hall. "I know that today in training–"
"I'm fine." I snapped, catching his attention loud and clear. I wasn't in the mood to talk about my panic attack, especially not with him. Something icy slid over Eric's features and my heart rate picked up. Abort! Abort! Abort!
Eric released my arm but he bent until his face was inches from my own. "Watch yourself, initiate." I glanced up at him, reeling.
"Is that a threat?" He shook his head, laughter filling his eyes as he straightened and moved away from me.
"Just a warning," the blue-eyed leader threw over his shoulder as he left, joining the other leaders at a table filled to the brink with men and simply two women. I smirked. Leave it to the faction of protection to rely almost completely on men. A small fleck of challenge grew inside of me. I wanted to prove all of them wrong. Before I went to follow Dahlia and Jake at our old table, someone caught my eye.
Vera sat next to Archer and Celia, her eyes solely focused on me. It creeped me out for the most part but a sense of terrible foreboding took over my senses. Why would she ever sit with them? Especially if what Eric said was true, then Archer would be antagonizing Vera at this point because of Zach killing Shea, but instead he put an arm around the small former Erudite and shot me a wicked glare. I felt a bead of sweat form at my brow as I quickly shuffled over to Dahlia and Jake with my head held firmly down.
"Do you see that?" I whispered, motioning to Vera who was conveniently sitting behind us. Jake shrugged as if it was normal and Dahlia gave me a sympathetic look.
Dahlia put a forkful of rice in her mouth which I realized she had stolen from Jake, who simply played with the food on his plate. "She's been sitting with them ever since Zach."
"And you haven't exactly been around to notice," snapped Jake. Dahlia and I both looked at him, shocked. He raised his palms to the side of his head and shrugged again. "What? I'm not the only one thinking it." Dahlia let out a long, breathy sigh and followed Jake's game of pushing around food.
"I know." I acknowledged, pushing my plate in front of me. I had entirely lost my appetite. Better yet, I didn't even know how I had even picked up an appetite after Four's big board of despair. Wringing my hands in my lap I tried to stanch the tears threatening to spill over. I had spoken to Dahlia about what happened that night on the train tracks but the feeling that I was losing my only friends because of it spiked a desperate need within me. "I know I wasn't a good friend to Zach or Vera or you both. I took your trust and I threw it to the wind, but I did it because I thought–" I choked back a sound in my throat. "I thought that I was doing what was best for Zach. I thought he would be okay and now he's factionless because of me."
When I paused, the entire table around us had descended into silence. I slashed away tears that spilled over my eyes and didn't dare look up past the rim of my plate to Dahlia or Jake. After an intense moment of silent tears collapsing onto Dahlia's black sweater, Dahlia's arms wrapped around my shoulders and I shoved my face into the crook of her neck.
"Him being factionless isn't your fault."
She smelled like a bunch of flowers and I pondered how she managed to smell like a blooming orchid if she wasn't in Amity. My shoulders racked as I finally came to terms with my guilt and Dahlia just shushed me, pushing my hair down over my shoulders. I was sure crying in the middle of Dauntless wasn't exactly the most brave thing to do.
Scratch that, I figured it probably took a lot of guts because in the long haul, they would probably jump me for being weak, but I couldn't give a damn in that moment. I just relished having my friends around me. Jake's voice broke the silence.
"I would join in on the group hug but this chocolate fudge cake looks too good and you two look like you need a moment of healthy girl crying." Dahlia threw her banana at Jake and he caught it, peeling it and taking a huge bite. I laughed, actually laughed, and settled back into my seat. Jake looked at the both of us suspiciously as Dahlia not-so-covertly wiped away tears of her own. "Are you two going to throw anything else at me?" Dahlia looked like she took it into consideration and I just smiled. Things felt okay even though I knew they weren't. Dahlia, Jake and I had formed a little bubble that I was beginning to think only became stronger because of what happened. Everything else could wait for tomorrow to spring on me; all I needed was some time with my true friends.
The rest of the meal was pretty normal. Dahlia and Jake exchanged a few heated words over zombies while I took the side that ghosts were definitely more cool. Dahlia gave me a small punch to the shoulder. "I don't even know why we hang out with you sometimes." I chuckled at that, taking a bite out of my wholewheat bread bun.
Then I yelped as frozen liquid poured over my back and clung to my skin. I whipped around, Archer's eyes alight with feral humor. "Oops," he made a gesture as if he was gasping with fright and Vera laughed.
I felt a chill spread through me and I knew it wasn't because of the drink which Archer had evidently poured over my head. Dahlia inhaled beside me, my rabid pixie friend ready to tear Archer's head off of his shoulders. Or at least that was what I got from the look she was shooting him. Yeah, definitely held a lot of pain in his future. Whatever sense of security that I had felt wrapped in, that nice little bubble, burst. I could physically feel the color drain from my cheeks when the small Erudite girl gave me a very dirty look.
She didn't even seem like the same person anymore.
Well, neither did I.
My legs pulled up and before I realized it, I was standing face to face with Archer between the tables. No more little-nice Ashely from Erudite. I was so done with being that pushover girl. "Do you have something to say to me?" I growled, staring at the other initiate.
"No," he laughed. "But my knife does." Archer reached for the knife on his table at the same moment I dodged, the metal biting into the solid surface of the bench where I had just been sitting. Archer pulled on the knife, yanking on it with all of his force. I chuckled because it was embedded in the seat. He put both of his hands around the grip and pulled, his foot pushing against the metal bench.
Oh he was so gonna pay for that. I grasped my shoulder in my hand to protect the sharp pain I knew I would feel and threw myself at Archer, knocking him off balance as we both settled onto the floor. My fist was pulled back, ready to punch him in his little punch-worthy face before someone grabbed onto my elbow and jerked me into a standing position.
"Enough!" Max's barking tone rang out over the quiet mess hall; the only real sound was Archer and I's rough breathing. I snarled at the other initiate and he simply winked. If it wasn't for the leader's stiff grip on my arm, I would've wrenched myself away and attacked Archer with every ounce of energy still left in me–which wasn't exactly much.
"Go back to your quarters now, initiate." He commanded to Archer, no sense of doubt in his deep baritone voice. As for me, he still hung onto me as if I was some prized trophy. He spun me to face the now deathly silent gathered space, my arm still at an odd angle from where I had been ready to polymerize Archer's face. My eyes searched the crowd and landed on Eric's gaze. Eek. Wasn't going to look forward to that conversation anytime soon. "Let's speak in private, shall we?" Max murmured silently to me, leading me out of the mess hall and into another room.
It was a large looking pavilion I had never seen before. Dauntless was way to big and easy to get lost in. I dragged my arm out of his grasp. Instead of stopping, Max shuffled me along a few more long corridors until I was in a familiar passage, one where the stone slowly slid into modern looking furniture and wood floors.
The leader took us into a room I had been to before, only once. The only difference this time was that Eric wasn't here to protect me from Max. I shook away that thought.
Eric obviously wasn't doing anything to protect me. Wasn't now and hadn't been then. The only issue was, I still had no idea what angle Eric was playing this game from and I wasn't sure I even wanted to find out yet. I had just faced Four who I realized was more than just one of my trainers and confronted Jake and Dahlia about my mistakes. It was simply too much for me in one day and my body was protesting my every movement, especially with my recent attack.
Max straightened his collar and sat in his chair, crossing his legs. He took his time reorganizing his desk and making himself comfortable.
"You may sit." My fingertips felt twitchy as the adrenaline left my body, leaving me utterly defenseless. I felt weak, especially in front of Max. Pulling myself into the nearest chair, I waited for whatever Max was going to say.
"I'm glad we've finally gotten the chance to talk," he spoke in a very relaxed and even tone. He reminded me a little too much of Eric, especially in the cold way his eyes slid over my own. I shivered slightly and when Max's pupils widened and he laughed, a loud, barking laugh, I was pretty sure he had noticed it. "You have nothing to fear from me, Ashe. I simply want to talk to you, firstly," Max cleared his throat. "About Eric and you."