Epiphany? (Part two)
A/N:Okay, so I planned on posting this today too, but I didn't think I would have an A/N This afternoon NoTT hit 25,000 views. I know it's not the same as likes, but that right there is just so freaking amazing I can't tell you how good it feels to know that more than the reviewers have liked this. Thank you all so much, I want to bury you all in hugs and kisses, instead, I will just give you this with all the thanks and love in my heart.
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality.
Martin Luther King Jr.
A week ago I would have thrown something at her head, refused to get out of the car, and demanded she take me home immediately. A week ago, I would not have let her drive past the city limits. This is not a week ago, and it shows. I got out of the car under my own willpower, and stood next to her straightening my blouse carefully. "I haven't been home since I started dating Sam." I informed her quietly. "Then it is about time to make a visit." She replied, placing a hand on my lower back to guide me into my parent's store. Better late than never. We walked in, and the silly bell atop the door rang. I jumped when I heard it. There once was a time I couldn't even hear it anymore, I was so used to it, and now I jump? I chuckled softly at myself, and Helena smiled when she saw me loosening up a bit. "I'll be right with you in a minute." My mother called, her cheerful voice being the only thing I remembered about home with any enthusiasm. "Don't worry." I called, steeling myself before walking to the back where mom was opening boxes, "I remember how to get around fairly well."
"Myka?" Her eyes widened, and she jumped up, wrapping me in a hug, "Honey you should have told us you were coming. Awww, you're so pale, and thin, you should really eat more. Come on, let's get you something to eat." And back to the mothering. I wonder sometimes if she knows anything else. "I know I should have called. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. And I really don't feel like eating, Helena would you like to eat something?" It was sort of like an introduction. It took mom's eyes off of me for a moment so it couldn't have been all bad. "Helena is it? You wouldn't be that bright student Myka was talking about all those weeks ago would you?" Mom sized her up, grasping Helena's upper arms like she was checking her one last time before sending her off to school. It was a look I knew well after eighteen years of it. Perfection was not just an issue with my dad. "Depends on what she was saying." Helena quirked an eyebrow, and I realized just how easily this could be mistaken for me introducing a date to my parents. Especially if...
"Um, so is Tracy home? I know it's getting to be about time for that." Please say no, please say no. I do not need to cross that minefield today. "I'm sure Myka had nothing but positive things to say about you. She was positively gushing about how nice it was to have such a brilliant woman in her classroom. You really changed my girl. I'm glad you two have gotten the chance to become friends." Mom totally ignored me, per usual. She was almost more eager to impress my friends than I was. "Well Mrs. Bering, your daughter is an excellent teacher. She will surely be missed by her students this year."
"Oh none of that, I won't have you call me that. My name is Jeanie." Mom flapped her hand and turned around to lead us up to the apartment on top of the store, "Now what was this about Myka being missed?" I glared at Helena for bringing up the troubling things so quickly and replied first, "I'm not going to work at Colorado State next year mom."
"So you mean you were fired." My heart sank, not even a hello, and there was my father with an expression of innocent disappointment. As if it's his right to think me a failure. "Something like that dad." I rubbed my neck. This is going to be a long day. The moment my parents were distracted, bickering over my father's callous approach, Helena touched my back gently, and murmured in my ear, "Remember why we're here. Look closely Myka." Of course, because defending myself against my parents wasn't enough, I had to figure out what my 'truth' is at the same time.
Helena's POV
"Warren. Enough." Myka's mother rested her hand on his arm, and made us all sit down before she left for the kitchen. "Well then, since your job is no longer an issue, are you going to apply to some Ivy League like I told you? Or are you going to run off with another lay-about like that other fellow.. Whatever his name is."
"His name was Sam." Myka rubbed her temples, "And no, I don't really plan on going after someone romantically dad. As for Ivy League, well I'll consider it." My heart ached for her, so this is why she cringed every time someone mentioned her applying to the more prestigious schools. My Myka was more than qualified, but if this was how her father urged her to go after something, I could see why she refused. "You'll consider it." He leaned back and folded his arms, the very picture of passive aggressive behavior, "Yeah just like you considered Law school, and Med school, you'll consider it until the cows come home, and then drop it like another one of your toys. When are you going to grow up Myka?"
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from lashing out at him, and turned my gaze to Myka. Firey even after Peter had died, it was uncomfortable to see her so cowed. This is why she couldn't handle loss, or pain. Because this man had tried to groom it out of her, conditioning her like a prized pet. Myka's retort was stalled by yet another arrival. I assume her sister, considering their similar looks. Tracy had the soft curls but she kept them short and manageable, unlike Myka who allowed them to be a wild mane of bouncing locks. Her face was thinner, like her mother's, and she had the look of someone always trying to get ahead. Tracy's body wasn't very much like her sister's either, all jutting bones, and spindly limbs even with the extra fat added by the baby. She hadn't the definition that Myka's extra weight provided, and personally, I preferred the original to this pompous copy. Myka's body stiffened as I continued my examination.
"Myka, you're home!" She squealed, bouncing over to hug her sister awkwardly. Never giving Myka a chance to stand, it was more like Tracy put her older sister into an affectionate headlock. "Hey Tracy!" Myka exclaimed, sounding almost pained by her sister's presence. "I didn't think I would get to see you, how's the baby?" Tracy leaned back with a smug smile, joyously releasing her sister now that she was firmly ensconced in the center of attention and started a very long lecture about how you had to eat just right, and do certain kinds of exercise, and how terribly lucky she was to not get morning sickness. I wanted to scream, and Myka it seemed, wanted the same. It was hours of this. Warren would say something nasty, Jeanie would scold him and go get something more for us to eat, and Tracy would draw all eyes back to herself with some sort of anecdote about how she had overcome that very problem that Warren had with Myka. It was no wonder she was so quiet, and held back about everything. She never had the chance to speak, let alone gain some confidence in herself. And yet, as I watched Myka grow more and more uncomfortable, I hoped just a tiny bit that she would snap, let it out, and finally accept things.
After yet another story as to why Tracy was the preferred child, Myka jumped to her feet declaring, "I have to go to the bathroom." I smiled and followed her closely, ignoring any thoughts about the first time we were in a restroom together. "I don't get it Helena." Myka exclaimed once we were out of earshot, "What is this big truth that everyone is trying to make me see?" I sighed, and put a finger to her lips before leading her further down the hallway, "Myka darling, the big truth we are trying to get you to see, is that they don't matter. Who you are, is very different from what people want, and choose to see. Your father out there is a judgemental bigot who only sees the daughter who took away his chance at having a son. Your mother sees a struggling young woman who cannot take care of herself, or live on her own. And I highly doubt your sister even knows you exist."
"How is this supposed to make me feel better?"
"It's not Myka. This is who you are forcing yourself to fit in with. You are forcing yourself into this role made up by your family when you were a child. The woman I saw in that living room is not the woman I fell in love with, and it's not the Myka I know. Now is the time to decide who, and what you want to be. Pick your truth and go with it Myka." I pleaded, gripping her arms too tight. I needed to know that this was getting through to her. She stared at me, her mind far away and I couldn't help myself. I cupped her cheek, running my thumb over the soft skin. This was the closest Myka had allowed me since before she left on that damned plane. Myka caught my hand and mumbled, "We should go back." I stopped the gesture and turned my back to her like it was nothing, and returned to sit at the couch with her family. She joined me soon thereafter, ignoring Tracy's suspicious looks. The silence of our return was enough to make me wonder what they had talked about in our absence, and it kept both Myka and I squirming slightly in our seats. Finally, Jeanie stood once more and asked, "Myka, are you and Helena going to stay for dinner?" I saw Myka was lost in thought again and I bit my lip, "I'm sorry Mrs. Bering, I'm afraid I have somewhere to be tonight. Perhaps Myka and I can come again sometime and sample some more of your delicious cooking."
"Mom, I'm gay." Myka butted in. Tracy's jaw dropped, and her parents blinked, I doubt I looked any less comical in my shock. "Dad, I got fired because my best friend was injured in the city of Atlantis and died, and I couldn't handle it. Helena is the only reason I'm still any semblance of sane, and Ivy League wishes they could hire me. Personally I'm not sure they've got high enough standards." She stood up, and left the room.
Myka's POV
Oh my God. The relief of just spitting out everything that had been bothering me was pure joy. I didn't say a single one of the nasty things I had thought during that torture session. When Helena finally came out with a pink blush and sat into the driver's seat, it all sort of crashed down on me. "I really said all of that… Didn't I?" I mumbled. "That you did darling." Helena started to giggle, and I had to join her. They had all been so shocked, and stupefied to find out about all the silly things that my friends took for granted about me. "I don't think you could have surprised them more if you tried." Helena looked at me with adoration, "What brought that on Myka?" Her hand rested on my cheek for the second time today, and again I refused to shun the comfort. I leaned into her palm. "I picked the truth I was comfortable with. The one I wanted to live with." I sighed, throwing all the shit out the window. It was a scary concept, starting from scratch, but I had Helena, and Claudia and the others. Even if things had changed a little. "Myka…" Helena paused, "Darling I am trying so hard to understand what you want. I'll do anything for you, but I just need to know what it is." I kissed her palm gently, and replied, "Take me home Helena."
A/N: Part Three will be on it's way tomorrow. Peace out peeps. Longer thank you note + tons of hopeless babbling in store for you all. Enjoy.