Chapter 25: The fear.
As Jen stood there out in the elements, no longer shielded by what little safety net she felt she had possessed whilst in the SIS four-wheel drive, she was overcome with panic. Her job as a homicide detective meant her safety was never really guaranteed whenever she was on the job and she'd simply learnt to shove the fear of death to the back of her mind. That fear, the one which was stored away and forgotten about, was only ever released by Jen on the rare occasion danger happened to present itself to her. There were two experiences where this fear had been let out and lingered for a little longer than Jen would have liked. The first being when she, Simon, Sparksey and Karen were held hostage in the homicide building and, the second, when she had to run for her life to escape the clutches of the sneaky Warren Endicott. Of course there were other times and, not surprisingly the majority of these 'other' occasions had been during her and Nick's first experience undercover. But Jen's most prominent and painful experience with such fear had come at a time when her career just seemed so insignificant and unimportant compared to everything else in her life. Fear of losing a loved one and the life you had begun to create and imagine playing out with them - this was the type of fear Jen struggled to forget the pain of. It was also the best way to describe how she felt right at that moment - in the lead up to Lisa Gregg's sudden and unexpected 'return from the dead'.
Jen knew one of the worst things to come out of Lisa Gregg's reappearance was still yet to come as her and Nick travelled on into the night. They hadn't faced Ben and Morgan since discovering that the children's mother was very much alive and as well as could be expected under the circumstances. Jen didn't know how she could even look at either of them whilst keeping a secret with the power to make them overwhelmed, happy and relieved all at the same time. She hated that not telling them meant she was lying to them and depriving them of something they had more of a right to know than she did. It was one of the things she hated about undercover - keeping secrets - but it was something which simply couldn't be avoided.
Her and Nick had both agreed not to mention anything about what had happened to either of the kids – ever. If SIS didn't know then Ben and Morgan shouldn't either. This was her and Nick's secret whether Jen liked it or not - and she most certainly didn't. She hated it. As they drove onward, the night sky, filled with an infinite amount of twinkling specks, caught Jen's attention and that one moment in which she gazed at the stars, she finally felt relaxed. She didn't know how long the feeling would last but she was savouring it while it did. She kept her eyes focused on them for what seemed like hours before one glittering star stood out from the rest, bright and brilliant, shooting past in the distance. It deserves a wish, Jen thought, as with all the might she possessed she wished for the one thing she wanted more than anything else in the world. Maybe, just maybe, it'll come true, she hoped as she shifted her focus from the sky to her surroundings. They'd just turned onto The Esplanade and Jen peered over at Luna Park, all lit up, as they passed it. Simon's place and Ben and Morgan were almost in sight.