Okay, there was a major delay in updating and I'm sorry. This chapter was hard to write and I wanted it to be as perfect as possible. It's a super important chapter. My beta looked over it, and she's a fan of the story, so if this chapter sucks you can blame her ;) I'm not happy with this chapter still, but hopefully you guys will like it.

I should preface this chapter by saying it's kind of all over the place. Bella is trying to figure out what she's doing in life, with Edward, with Charlie etc. It's a lot of back and forth between what she thinks she should do and what she wants to. Just bear with her and let her figure out what she should do.

There are two songs for this chapter: Please Don't Stop the Rain by James Morrison & Lying in the Hands of God by the Dave Matthews Band

I don't own Twilight, but Summit is going to own me this summer with all the New Moon teasing! ;)

Bella Swan

"Bella? Are you okay? You look out-of-it," Charlie inquired in his gruff voice.

I looked up from my plate and saw his concerned expression. It sort of surprised me. Every time I'd seen him lately, he looked preoccupied or tightly wound, as if something were troubling him. I blinked once and realized he was waiting for my response.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine," I murmured and looked back at my plate.

It was a lie. I wasn't fine. I was thinking of Edward, just like I'd been doing for the last two weeks. I hadn't spoken to him since he called me from the hospital. The conversation still made little sense to me. He was so…abrupt. Something had happened—apart from the accident—that had changed him. I couldn't bring myself believe it was only the accident. It just felt…off. Something was amiss. It was the whole reason for my anxiety these days. I knew it was affecting my mood but I couldn't bring myself to change that. There was a mystery and I was going to solve it. I heard Charlie fold his newspaper and scoot his chair back.

I looked up at him. He was dressed in his nice work clothes. I never commented on how his hair seemed to be getting grayer these days. Age was a sore spot for Charlie. He expected to be fighting crime until he breathed his last breath. And it always worried me that it might come down to that.

"I'll be back late. We're reassigning some officers to and from the Fiori Fiasco," Charlie sighed.

I nibbled on my bottom lip. There was something off with Charlie these days too.

"Why are you reassigning officers? Isn't it a little belated for that?" I wondered.

Charlie's eyes narrowed infinitesimally.

"We're trying not to compromise...security," Charlie lied through his teeth.

I could tell he was lying. Or at least not being completely honest. I nodded as I should and let it go. That would have to wait to be analyzed. Charlie leaned forward, placed a kiss on my head, and walked into the kitchen. I glanced at the back porch. It was still dark outside. His level of dedication was truly impressive.

I waited until he left and then went onto the computer. I read all the news I could on the progression in the cases with Fiori's business. Tenorio was still in court, fighting tooth and nail, in hopes of getting at least a "nice" plea bargain. Vega was as stoic as a Greek statue, holding up a lot of the progression on his case. And Fiori was playing dumb.

I shut the computer off and busied myself around the house. I was feeling so useless as of late. In the afternoon, I was surprised by an unexpected phone call.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella? It's Seth."

I nearly choked on the dry cereal I had been munching on. I cradled the phone between my neck and ear and sat on a bar stool at the island.

"Seth? Wow. I didn't expect to hear from you," I said in awe.

He laughed uneasily.

"I know. Listen, I'm sorry I haven't called until now. It's just after the…well; I didn't want to add salt to any wounds."

I nodded to myself.

"I understand. It's fine, Seth, really. You don't owe me anything. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. What happened with Jake," I nearly stuttered his name, "was entirely my fault. He's practically your family and I understand the sensitivity. You all have every right to hate me."

My voice progressively lowered. I had slowly but surely started to move on from Jacob but the guilt I felt was still there. It resonated within me often. I had made so many mistakes and it wasn't fair that Jacob paid the price for them. All he wanted was to be loved and love in return.

"Bella, no one hates you. Jacob would be disgusted to hear that. No matter what happened he could never hate you."

I sighed.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean for it to end that way. I know he didn't get all the answers he wanted, but I just couldn't explain it to him then. There's a lot that can't be easily explained. I wasn't as honest as he will always deserve."

"Look, you don't need to explain anything to me. Whatever happened is between you two. I just wanted to call and check up on you. Are you busy tomorrow night? I know you and Jake are, you know, but I'd really like to see you. I still think of you as a good friend."

I bit my lip and tugged at the hair closest to my scalp. Was I ready to re-immerse myself into that part of my life? Was it too soon? I still wasn't too sure where I was headed with Edward. He'd basically ended our —there wasn't even a word for it — but that didn't mean I was resigned to his decisions.

I was an adult. He wasn't making choices for me, at least not until I got some answers. I noticed my hypocrisy right then and internally groaned. My decision was made. I needed to see Seth. If I expected Edward to consider me in his decisions then Jacob deserved the same. It was one small step in the right direction.

"Sure. Let's see each other tomorrow. Do you want to eat somewhere?"

"Yeah. How about we go to that steakhouse? You know the one where we took Leah for her birthday?"

I smiled at the memory. That had been a fun birthday.

"Perfect. Let's meet around 7-ish. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you tomorrow night, Bella."

"Kay. Bye Seth!"

"Bye Bella."

I hung up the phone. I exhaled and realized I felt a little lighter. There was a bit of resolved tension that I found with that simple conversation.

I decided to head to the library. I was avoiding the use of my truck at all costs because of its conspicuous look so I decided to walk. The walk to the library was long and cold but I found it to be a good time to utilize for thinking. I took inventory of all the facts surrounding Edward and his recent behavior. He did have a tendency to come off as bipolar at times, but the tone in his voice spoke more than some erratic behavior.

There was a catalyst somewhere that sparked his reaction. His abrupt, "Bella, I can't see you anymore," played in my head like a broken record. He was apologetic at the beginning of the conversation. His voice was laced with desperation for me to forgive him. As far as I was concerned there was nothing to forgive but clearly he thought differently.

Was it because I didn't blame him for what happened that he was shoving me away? Maybe this was an instance where Charlie would say I wasn't reacting enough. Maybe Edward felt the same way about me. I chewed the inside of my cheek as I entered the library and went immediately to the romance section. I needed something to distract me.

I read the synopsis on each book and found myself getting exhausted by the drama and idealism of the plotlines. Didn't people realize love wasn't a fairytale or Sex Fest 09? Even the novels where a plot apparently took place they were overshadowed by "skilled fingers" or "tender kisses." I glared at the heroine on the novel cover before slipping the book back into its rightful place.

I decided to browse the self-help section. Maybe I could help myself to stop obsessing over nothing. Maybe I was taking this Edward thing too far. What if he was just exhausted by me and really wanted to end things? It was a hard pill to swallow but I considered it. Though the chances were slim, it wasn't completely doubt-free. It was still a possibility.

I skipped over everything having to do with crime, mystery, and newspapers. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I realized this was probably how celebrities felt when they constantly saw their faces on tabloid magazines. You were sick of seeing yourself through the eyes of people who didn't have the slightest clue what life was really like.

I ended up leaving the library with nothing. The night had gotten colder so I circled my arms around my waist. I walked down the street and noticed a new bookstore chain was opening. Suddenly I walked into someone.

"Oof!" I muttered as I stumbled back.

I just barely steadied myself as the random person leaned forward to help me.

"Shit, I'm sorry," a man responded.

I brushed my coat off and looked at the random man. He had jet black hair that was cut very closely to his head. He looked like an ex-military man. His eyes were a familiar blue but I knew I'd never seen this man before. I smiled meekly at him and mumbled my reply. His hardened face lightened for the slightest instant before he walked past me. An elusive memory was haunting me as I stood dumbstruck for a moment.

I looked over my shoulder and saw the broad man glance back in my direction with an appreciative smile. I clutched my coat once again and continued on home, eager to be as far away from the unsettling man. I set the proper alarms when I got back to Charlie's place.

I knew he'd be in late tonight and I just felt uncomfortable. I half-considered calling Edward but I didn't want to sound ridiculous. I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I woke up groggily when I heard Charlie come into the house. I yawned and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

"Dad?" I mumbled.

Charlie looked haggard and worn down as he placed his briefcase on the kitchen table. I shut off the television and met him in the kitchen. He grabbed a beer and took a well-deserved gulp.

"Rough day?" I prodded.

He gave me a look.

"The FBI has officially joined forces with us on the Fiori case. I just love how after my men do all the dirty work, they swoop in, and start thinking they can call the shots," he sighed.

I gave him an apologetic look. I had been expecting this for quite a while. I think Charlie had too but was avoiding it.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

He shrugged, threw away his emptied beer bottle, and exited the kitchen.

"Goodnight," he called out and disappeared down the corridor to his bedroom.

I silently reset the alarms and slipped into bed. Sleep overcame me and before I knew it I was sitting with Charlie at the breakfast table again.

"I don't know why you wake up at this hour with me, Bella. I highly doubt you stay up after I leave anyway," Charlie spoke while not taking his eyes off the newspaper.

I shrugged.

"I don't really ever see you. I figure I, at least, get to spend a few minutes with you during breakfast."

Charlie looked away from the paper finally and at me. He gave me a small smile and sipped his black coffee.

"I'm going to be late again."

"It's fine. I have plans tonight," I assured him.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Seth asked me to dinner tonight."

Charlie's expression didn't change. I sighed.

"We haven't really spoken since January. He just wanted to make sure I was doing okay and everything. Besides, no matter what happened with Jacob, he and I are still friends. Seth's always been a good friend."

Charlie didn't say anything. Instead he looked back at his paper and studiously ignored me. I was really starting to resent him. The attitude was wholly unnecessary and uncalled for. I knew he was still angry with me for the incident with Edward two weeks ago but honestly. I had a feeling part of the current anger was from his displeasure with my decision to break things off with Jacob.

In the same manner Jacob had, Charlie wanted answers as to why I had broken up with Jake. When I couldn't and refused to give him answers, he turned away exasperated. Charlie was convinced I'd never find love again. I had thrown away "the one." And granted I knew relationships were a sore spot for him, because of my mother, I didn't appreciate his need to voice his negativity.

He was isolating himself from me and I was hurt by it. Charlie was the only one I had anymore. I didn't have friends. I didn't have coworkers. I didn't have family—apart from Marie. And I didn't have anyone to love. The one person whose responsibility it was to love me unconditionally was suddenly failing on me. If I thought I was alone before, it was nothing compared to now. I couldn't just pick up the phone and call my mother. I couldn't stop by headquarters and rely on Edward to show me why I still had faith in the goodness of people.

I got up and stalked away from the table. I closed my bedroom door with a little more noise than necessary. Charlie would know I was mad too. After debating between six outfit choices, changing my hairstyle twice, and wearing a ton of deodorant, I found myself waiting anxiously for Seth to arrive. I drummed my nails against the table and glanced at the restaurant entrance often. When he walked in, I sighed. He walked over with a smile and hugged me.

"You look great, Bells," he grinned.

My heart tugged a little at the nickname. I couldn't be sure I'd ever hear that from Jacob again.

"So do you," I managed a weak smile back.

Seth noticed my change in mood and frowned.

"Hey. What's wrong?" he wondered.

"Is it bad that I miss him? It's just…no matter what he was my best friend. I never wanted it to end this way."

I felt traitorous tears and pushed them back diligently. I looked down at my lap and sniffed a little. I was afraid the next word I spoke would do me in. Seth titled my chin up and gave me a soft look.

"It's okay to cry," he whispered.

My eyes moistened with tears and I smiled weakly at him. I took a deep breath and was thankful none of them made it past my lashes.

"Bella, you're not giving him enough credit. He knows you love him and I think in a reasonable amount of time maybe you two can be friends again. It's just too soon for him right now. I still don't— nor do I want to—know the details of what happened. For him it just left him blindsided. He would have never guessed you two breaking up in a million years. Give him a little time, he'll come around. He misses you more than you can imagine."

I placed my head in my hands and tried to steady my breathing. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't cry in front of Seth like this. I wouldn't cry in this restaurant. I felt Seth's warm hand rub my arm and I did my best to release the tension in my body. I blinked a few times before I emerged. Seth waited.

"I didn't come here to upset you, Bella. How about we just order? Is that okay?"

I nodded and grabbed my menu. The rest of dinner progressed in a much simpler and lighter manner. I was happy for the shift. I was waiting for the morning I'd wake up and have all of this angst and drama behind me. I was tired of being stuck in emotional limbo. I perked up with I heard Seth chuckle to himself. I smiled.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously.

Seth smirked to himself and shook his head.

"Oh! C'mon. Tell me!" I begged

"Okay. Promise not to get mad or laugh?" he asked conditionally.

I nodded my assent.

"Well, there's this girl. She's been hanging around Jake's job lately according to Paul. Apparently she's pretty young—an undergrad supposedly—and she's been mooning over Jacob since he fixed the dent she made in her father's Bentley."

I raised my eyebrows. I knew Jacob was good-looking. There was no getting around the fact so I was unsurprised. I was surprised by reaction though. My first instinct was jealousy, yet after I let logic takeover I found myself amused by his admirer. We'd had such a long history together, been engaged, yet I couldn't find it within myself to be angry. I was somewhat happy, possibly relieved. It was nice.

"Paul said her name's Nessie or something like that. Strange name," Seth murmured to himself, "Anyway, she's supposed to be pretty resilient. He says she doesn't talk much but that she's a master at the bedroom eyes. It's been a running joke for the last week."

Seth laughed loudly. I giggled along with him until my breath caught in my throat. I saw Rosalie and Emmett making their way across the dining area. She was dressed in a cocktail dress and Emmett was dressed nicely as well. He was beaming at her. Emmett looked away for just a moment and caught my eye. He stumbled and I panicked.

The air caught in my lungs and I started to gasp. I swallowed the water in my glass quickly when Seth realized what was happening. He leaned forward to help me and suddenly there were two figures looming over our table. I looked up. Rosalie was pleased to see me and Emmett looked terrified.

"Bella, hi," Rosalie smiled.

I was brought up short by her use of my nickname. Every time I'd spoken to Rosalie she'd used Iz or Isabella. I smiled awkwardly.

"Hey, Rosalie. Emmett," I nodded.

I glanced at Seth. He was staring at me.

"This is my friend Seth Clearwater. Seth this is Rosalie Hale and Emmett McCarty. We have…a mutual friend," I explained.

Seth shook their hands and smiled at me. Right. I was the one who knew everyone here.

"Um. So how are you two? You look great. Special occasion?" I hoped to be charming.

Rosalie smiled.

"We're good. Today is Emmett's birthday so I'm treating him to dinner at his favorite restaurant," Rosalie elaborated.

I nodded. Emmett smiled quickly. He didn't look as terrified but he still seemed uncomfortable.

"Happy Birthday Emmett," I said with a smile, hoping to relax him.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"What about you?" Rosalie inquired, completely oblivious to the tension between Emmett and me.

"Um, just catching up with Seth here."

Seth nodded in agreement. He seemed excited to know I knew people outside of my father and Jacob's friends. Too bad they weren't really my friends. They were Edward's and he'd basically broken up with me. I sort of assumed if he wasn't going to continue being…whatever the hell we were…then friends were sort of included. Emmett seemed to think so. He was shooting daggers at Rosalie.

"That's nice. I can't believe how long it's been since I've seen you. What was it? Christmas?" Rosalie guessed correctly.

"Yeah. Just before Christmas."

Rosalie shook her head.

"We should get together sometime. Do you have a cell phone? We'll do drinks or lunch or something," she grinned.

I froze. I glanced at Emmett surreptitiously. He looked like he wanted a black hole to appear and swallow him whole. I looked back at Rosalie. Her expression was slowly turning crestfallen.

"Um, sure," I said quickly, "I'd love to hang out sometime."

I quickly jotted down my phone number with a pen from my purse and handed it to Rosalie. She shoved it in her over packed clutch and smiled one last time.

"Good to see you Bella. Nice meeting you Seth. I'll call you soon!" Rosalie said as she and Emmett began to walk away.

I waved her off and sighed. Seth was studying me.

"Bella Swan knows people?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes and threw my napkin at him. He chuckled once again. Seth and I split dessert and decided to call it a night. He offered to drive me home and I agreed after much persuasion on his part. It was late and cold outside. I walked into the house and was surprised to see Charlie watching the ending of a Mariner's game. I looked at him curiously as I pulled my coat off.

"I thought you were going to be late."

Charlie shrugged. I bit my tongue—literally—and walked past him to my bedroom.

I really hated this separation between us. It wasn't right. Charlie and I were closer than any father-daughter pair I'd ever seen. There was a storm brewing and it bothered me. We were long past the calm and I had a hunch things would turn really explosive soon. I got my stubbornness from him, so I couldn't expect him to grow up and finally admit what it was that was bothering him.

I needed to be the bigger person and right then I just didn't have it in me. I was angry with him. I wanted to scratch the surface to spark a similar fire within him. The passive-aggressiveness was irritating. I just wanted him to come out and say it. I was hoping maybe the right buttons would get me the result.

A few nights later I found myself in a high-end bar with Rosalie. I dressed up but tugged at my clothes uncomfortably. Rosalie was drawing the attention of nearly every male in the room. I felt horribly embarrassed by my simple blue dress and flats. We sat at the bar and sipped on fruity drinks.

"So, have you spoken to Edward lately?" she asked with a knowing smirk.

"Honestly," I sighed, "I have no idea what's going on with him. I haven't spoken to him in two and a half weeks. It's starting to feel like I never will."

I shifted in my seat and avoided Rosalie's gaze. Edward was a sore spot for me and I didn't want my mood to put a damper on my time out with Rosalie. It was more than I had any right to expect from her. She'd made me feel like a normal human being by asking me to hang out. I didn't feel so socially defective. Rosalie placed a hand over my twitching fingers.

"Bella, I know. I get it," she said rather cryptically.

I frowned at her.

"Get what?"

"You've got feelings for him. I see it. So does Emmett. The only one who's clueless to it is Edward!" she laughed.

I opened my mouth to argue but her look dared me to do so. I bit my lip and looked at my lap.

"I'm trying not to be so transparent. I know he's dealing with a lot. I don't want to push him but it's not fair to me anymore. I just need to know what he wants."

Rosalie didn't interrupt and waited for me to continue. I think she sensed I was about to spill my guts.

"I've made so many mistakes. With him. With Jacob. I just…I don't want to make any more of them. I'm trying to respect his wishes. For whatever reason he's convinced he's dangerous and that I'm a risk, but it's so hard to stay away. I honestly don't know if I can hold out much longer."

I sighed and looked at Rosalie. Maybe she could help me out. I was at a loss of what to do anymore. I just needed someone to help me out. I needed some answers.

"Bella, Edward is completely miserable right now. We hardly see him and when we do it's like he's not even there. I mean what exactly did he tell you? Why haven't you seen him?"

"He told me he didn't want to see me anymore. He told me I was too risky. After the bomb incident he called me and ended things."

Rosalie's eyes narrowed and her expression became contemplative.

"It doesn't make any sense though. He looks like he's in prison or something. Why would he do that when he so clearly doesn't want to be away from you?"

I shrugged.

"I've been trying to figure that out for weeks. I mean we're friends. He should want to see me right?" I asked, needing reassurance desperately.

"Bella, sweetie, you two are more alike than you know," Rosalie chuckled to herself.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really that blind too? He's not that upset over losing a friend! Tell me you don't honestly believe he only cares for you like that," Rosalie looked at me incredulously.

"I don't want to make assumptions," I mumbled and fidgeted.

She titled her head back and laughed harder.

"Bella, he's crazy about you!"

I cocked my head to the side.

"He's got a funny way of showing it," I retorted.

She smiled at me and steadied her breathing. Rosalie become serious and leaned forward.

"Edward is a very passionate person. When he loves someone, he loves them fiercely. When he wants to protect someone he cares about," she trailed off.

"So you're saying it's going to be difficult?" I winced.

"Unless you convince him that what he's worrying about is trivial, there's no stopping what he's set in motion. Find out what triggered his panic, and you'll have some leverage. It won't be easy and I'm not guaranteeing anything, but try. He needs you, Bella."

"What if I'm wrong? What if he doesn't want me anymore? I don't want to push him too far," I murmured.

Rosalie stared me at.

"Do you like having decisions made for you?"

I blinked.

"No."

"Then do something about it! Make him see that you're an adult. He can't just make decisions about your relationship and not consult you."

"But I've done the same in return. I don't want to be a hypocrite."

Rosalie laughed once again.

"Edward isn't made to do anything. If you told him to sell his car—he would. He might not have liked that you pushed him away but he was willing to do it if that's what he thought you wanted. This thing between you guys now, it's not what either of you want. Do something about it!" Rosalie ordered.

I was going to say the first time this happened wasn't what I wanted either but she gave me a look. She had a point. I didn't want to be away from Edward the first time, but maybe it had been necessary. I internally groaned. This entire situation was a mess. I hadn't the slightest clue what to do. So I decided in that moment that I would do what I wanted.

Consequences be damned, I wasn't going to let Edward push me away. He was giving into his own fear by worrying over nothing. If there was something to face, then we'd face it together, not run away from it. At the end of the day, his job, his title, none of it mattered.

I didn't want Lieutenant Masen. I wanted Edward. All of him. The things about him that frustrated me and the things about him that made my heart soar. There was something between us and even through the distance it was still propelling forward.

"I hate that he's an officer," I admitted, "Did you know that?" I asked her.

Rosalie looked dumbfounded.

"No," she shook her head, "I would have never guessed. Why?"

"I'm scared a lot the time. I'm scared someone will hurt him. I'm scared someone will hurt my father. I can't do anything to protect them. Edward thinks what he's doing is best so I appreciate it, but he's so wrong. As much as I worry for him, I would never ask him to quit his job or give it up for me. I know it makes him happy."

She looked at me apologetically and leaned forward to give me a hug.

"It'll work out. I know it will," she said reassuringly.

I had two more drinks with Rosalie before hailing a cab home. She offered me a ride with her and Emmett but I just couldn't bring myself to sit in a car with him. After talking to Rosalie, I knew Emmett had to know more than even she did. He probably blamed me for Edward's depression. I wanted him to know I was going to do everything I could to change that but I just couldn't face his accusatory gaze right then.

I walked into the big empty house and took in the silence. When I got to my room, I went straight to my dresser. I found the familiar bracelet and fingered the charms wistfully. I missed him so much. I missed seeing his face and his smile. I missed his strong scent and voice. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt drops of water fall onto my fingers. I climbed into bed and fell asleep crying. The following morning I woke up and Charlie was hovering over my bed.

"Dad! Gees! You scared me," I gasped.

"Your mother called."

I sat up and clutched the sheets.

"I came home and found a message on the machine. Where were you last night?"

"I went for drinks with a friend."

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed.

"Who?"

I sighed. I really didn't feel up to the Spanish Inquisition.

"Um, do you know Sergeant McCarty's girlfriend, Rosalie?"

Charlie's face flashed with anger for a minute. Then he stonewalled and I nearly forgot about his anger in the first place. The change happened so quickly. My defenses flared up.

"Do you have something against Rosalie Hale?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"No. I just wish you would stop implementing yourself into the lives of those people, Bella. I told you not to involve yourself anymore after the explosion. You're only making things harder on yourself and on them. Just cut the ties loose. You did fine the other night seeing Seth, but, of course, when you take a step forward," he stopped himself short.

The anger in his voice was progressively rising. I gave him a look, challenging him.

"Finish what you were going to say," I dared.

He scowled at me.

"I'm going to be late," he said curtly and exited without another sound.

When I heard the front door slam shut, I took the clock off my nightstand threw it at the bedroom door. I was so angry! I threw the covers off and showered. I couldn't tell where my tears began and ended through the steady stream of water. After having breakfast, I stepped into the living room. It was overcast today and a storm seemed to be brewing.

I checked the local news channel and my suspicions were confirmed. Around 10 A.M. the rain began. The sky was completely dark. I sat by my bedroom window and watched the wind howl and gasp. Eventually I found myself getting tired so I decided on a nap.

"Bella?"

I looked behind me at the sound of my name being called. I craned my neck but was unable to see through the thick fog on the harbor.

"Bella?" the voice called again.

I was elated when I saw who stepped through the fog. Edward smiled at the sight of me and held his arms open. I was propelled forward. I hadn't even realized I was running. I ran and ran until suddenly I was in his warm arms. I'd missed him so much.

A loud firing sound rang out. I cringed at the noise. Edward's arms loosened a bit. I looked up at him to ask him what was wrong. Edward's eyes were wide and shocked. His mouth hung open. His face was abnormally pale. I looked at him in horror. There was something terribly wrong with Edward.

"Edward?" I asked with panic.

Edward started to kneel, as if his knees were giving out. I lowered down to the ground with him. He gulped and finally his eyes focused on mine. His hand reached up weakly to brush my cheek. My eyes were brimming with tears. Something was off. I knew it.

"Edward?!" I asked again but this time it was a strangled cry.

"Bella," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

I looked into his fading green eyes. His face was losing color rapidly. It was then that I felt the warm, thick, liquid run past my fingers. I removed one arm from around his waist and realized his blood coated my fingertips.

"Edward," I whispered, not wanting to believe the blood existed.

My focus shifted when I noticed a figure become clearer through the fog. The person walked straight towards us. I looked back at Edward. His eyes were slipping to a close.

"NO!" I screamed.

"No! No!" I shouted and waved my arms.

Two hands caught mine and my eyes snapped open. I woke from the dream. I looked over and saw Charlie looking at me. His skin was pale. He looked as though he'd seen a ghost. My breathing was rapid. Charlie released my arms when he realized I was fully awake and pressed a palm to my forehead.

"Bella, what happened? You're burning up," he said with worry.

I looked around the room quickly, making sure I was really awake. It was still raining and it was dark outside. I assumed it was sometime at night. It was just a dream. I swallowed to moisten my dry mouth.

"It…it was just a dream," I replied somewhat dazed.

Charlie looked at me with a worried expression. I hadn't seen him look so human in weeks.

"I'm going to get you some Tylenol. Wait here," he instructed.

I sat up in bed as he walked out of the room. The only light came from the lamp on my nightstand. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. It had only been a dream—more accurately, a nightmare. I closed my eyes and pushed back the tears.

I needed to stop crying. I didn't like feeling so weak. Renee had always been tactless, so for self-preservation reasons I'd learned how to keep myself from crying. I taught myself not to cry so she didn't have to feel so guilty all the time. Her sometimes thoughtless actions hurt me more than she knew. It had ended up paying off. Charlie was never good with crying.

"Here you go," Charlie said, returning with two pills and a glass of water.

I took the pills from him and swallowed them down with a gulp of water. Charlie sat on the edge of the bed and studied me.

"I'm worried about you, Bella."

I stared at him.

"I think maybe you should visit your mom. Maybe a change of scenery would be nice for you. Seattle's given you nothing but trouble these last few months. Maybe you can try that new start too. Get a real opportunity for it," he suggested.

I averted my eyes to the bed sheet. This was something we had discussed before the incident with Edward. I told him I didn't want to leave. As much trouble as it was being in Seattle, I couldn't see myself leaving. So many things were unresolved, especially with Edward. I would never be able to leave without knowing. I shook my head and he sighed.

"You're being unreasonable. There's nothing here for you anymore! Not your job. Not your fiancé. No friends. No one," Charlie argued with bitterness.

I looked at him with a sharp expression. How dare he?! He'd completely shifted from the concerned father I'd seen just seconds ago.

"There's more for me in Seattle than there is anywhere else! I wouldn't have a fiancé, friends, or a satisfying job any other place either."

Charlie scoffed.

"How would you know? You haven't even given thought to the idea! You act as though Seattle is the only place where bad guys exist and a few good guys live, waiting on the right girl to marry."

I glared at him murderously.

"If you want me to move out or leave, just say it! You don't have to come up with this ridiculous pretense."

"Bella, I'm not telling you this because I want you to leave me. I'm telling you this because I want you to be safe God damnit!"

I waited. His rant didn't seem to be close to ending.

"I didn't want to bring it up again, but it seems I'll have to. It seems I have to remind you that you were nearly killed earlier this month! I need to remind you that you're struggling to find your place in this world because you cornered yourself into a fake identity! Don't you dare try and fault me for doing anything I can to make sure you're safe. You've done little on your own part to secure that."

"Oh? So that's what you really think of my job. Funny how you never brought up before!"

"Are you kidding me? You've always known how I felt about 'Isabella Woods'. I never wanted this for you! I should have never let you done this."

I laughed bitterly.

"I am 27-years-old. You don't let me do anything," I snarled.

"And I'm father and I say you need to leave Seattle. You quit the SWJ and I already told you that you're no longer of service to the department. Let it go and move on! If you have no interest in reconciling things with Jacob, or Seth, or anyone from that part of your life then there's point in you being here. No more Rosalie, Emmett, and especially not Edward."

My jaw dropped. I pushed away from the sheets and started to grab things randomly. I was done. I had a home I could go to. If he didn't want me around anymore that was fine. I'd return to the one part of my life he had no control over. He couldn't sell my house. He couldn't kick me out.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?" he asked in exasperation.

"I'm leaving," I stated, "Did you forget I have a house of my own?"

"It's raining. You won't be able to catch a bus at this time."

"My truck's here. I'll manage."

He grabbed the clothes out of my hand and threw them across the room.

"NO!" he shouted.

I pushed past him and picked up the discarded clothes.

"I'm leaving, just as you wanted!"

Charlie practically growled and stalked out of my room. I packed my things haphazardly. I didn't bother too much with clothes other than the basic ones I needed. I packed the necessities and shut the bedroom lamp off. I slipped into my work shoes since they were the first pair I saw.

When I got to the foyer, I saw Charlie pacing around anxiously. I grabbed my coat and slipped it on wordlessly. He seemed to be debating something within himself. After the last button was done, I placed my hand on the doorknob.

"Bella. Wait," Charlie begged.

I was surprised by the thickness of his voice. I didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to push you away. You're right. You're an adult and I can't keep treating you like a child," he sighed and paused, "I-I did something bad."

That grabbed my attention. I spun around and placed the small bag I had with me on the floor.

"What?" I whispered.

"I told Edward something…"

My heart started to pound in my chest.

"What did you tell him?" I barely managed to speak.

"I told him to stay away from you. I know that's why he hasn't called. I know that's why you're upset. I'm sorry. I just…after the explosion…I can't lose you, Bella. You're the only thing I have anymore. Your mother has moved on. You have your own thing going on."

I fisted my hands and steadied my breathing.

"Why did you do it?" I croaked.

"I want you to be safe and it isn't safe to be with him, Bella. He's got the entire mob after him right now. I know he's a good guy and a nice friend but I won't let him compromise your life. You're my priority."

I shook my head.

"No! No! You can't keep doing things like this. You can't control my life."

Charlie didn't respond. His head hung in shame.

"I just can't do this right now. I need to think about things. I'll talk you tomorrow or something," I mumbled.

I blindly grabbed my bag and ran outside into the rain. I slipped on my way to the garage of course. I opened the garage door clumsily and ran underneath the cover. I pushed some damp hair from my face and hopped into my truck. It roared to life and I thanked the gods for giving me good fortune. I reversed quickly and pulled out of Charlie's small estate as quickly as I could.

When I got to my house, my chest swelled. I couldn't believe how long I'd managed to stay away. The rain had lessened to a drizzle as I grabbed my bag and entered the house. Everything was exactly as I had left it last. I swallowed thickly when I noticed a few knick-knacks of Jacob's still occupying their places.

I walked up to my bedroom and turned on the desktop. I logged onto a popular search engine and typed in what I wanted. I was going to look for a new job and this time I was going in as Bella Swan.

Another two and half weeks later, I found myself exhausted by the interviewing process. It was tougher than I had imagined. It was hard trying to maneuver around my references—more specifically omitting the SWJ from my résumé. I knew most of the newspapers would want me to continue using my former alias if I joined them. I was trying to break away from that part of my life and most people just weren't as understanding as I'd hoped.

My latest interview had unfortunately scheduled on the day of our second storm in a month and the biggest storm we'd been hit with in ten years. The interviewer apologized for the inconvenience of weather, but explained he needed to fill in a spot at his magazine as soon as possible. The interview had gone better than I anticipated and I left the restaurant we'd met at feeling confident. I decided to head home quickly. It was already after eight and I had a bit of a drive.

The visibility was minimal. Lightning and thunder filled the sky and I found myself humming with anxiety. The longer I drove, the more worried I became. I was suddenly unsure I'd make it to my house. The truck was archaic as it was. I didn't want to imagine what the torrential rain was doing to it. I got to a light and barely realized it was turning red. I slammed on the brakes and lurched forward.

The heat was blasting in the cab and slowly but surely my hair, which had gotten pretty wet, was drying up. When the light turned green I gassed and slowly moved forward. I started to panic. I shouldn't have been going so slowly. Something was wrong with the car. I tried to pull over to the side of the road. I got as near the curb as I could before the car stopped. I took the keys out of the engine and tried to restart it. The car protested.

"Shit," I whispered to myself.

I threw my arms over the steering wheel and placed my head down. My good fortune had run out. I was stuck on the side of the road in a storm that was expected to be historic. I lay down across the front seat and looked out the window. It looked like I was in a car wash. The water pouring down the side of the car was unrelenting. I closed my eyes and listened to the thunder and hammering rain.

I slipped slowly in unconsciousness. I wasn't asleep but I wasn't awake either. I let myself think. I thought of Edward and Charlie mostly. I was both so angry with them. Despite my concern with finding a new job, I hadn't forgotten what Charlie had confessed when I'd last seen him. Did they really think that little of me? Did they really think I was incapable of making smart choices?

I knew I needed to see Edward soon. Things had reached a new level of ridiculous, and I couldn't keep distracting myself with work to excuse it. I just needed to tell him how I felt. I'd had enough with the games and skirting around. If I'd just gone with my gut and told him last time I'd seen him….

A knock on my window startled me. I sat up quickly and panicked.

"Bella!"

I froze. It was the voice of a savior. It was the voice of my savior. I rolled forward and opened the car door. Edward was completely soaked. His eyes were wide with panic and surprise. I pulled him into the cab and noticed a small-sized SUV sitting in the middle of the street with its lights on. He slammed the cab door shut behind him and looked at me.

"What are you doing here?" I breathed.

"I was on my way home from seeing a client. What are you doing? Is your truck dead?" he asked and felt around for my keys.

His voice was tired and didn't have the same tenor I remembered. It looked like the life had literally been sucked from Edward. He wasn't the same man I'd seen last time. It was like he was a slowly burning man, who'd accepted his fate.

"It just stopped working," I said.

Edward frowned at the keys which he found discarded on the floor of driver's side. He looked at me and his face softened.

"We need to get you out of here. It's too dangerous to stay in this car. There are a lot of trees in this area," he looked at me with a concerned expression.

I nodded.

"I'll take you home. My car is still running. Let's make a break for it quick."

I grabbed onto Edward's hand as he placed my car keys in my coat pocket. Edward swallowed once our skin made contact and pushed the door open. He dragged me out and I barely slammed the door shut behind me. We climbed into his soft, spacious, and warm car. He closed the doors and I looked around. This certainly wasn't the sedan I had remembered.

"New car?" I smiled, trying to lighten the tension.

"Uh, yeah. I needed something to get around in after the…well…you already know," he fumbled.

I smiled and looked away when he started to drive away. The run was still steady and strong but at least there was a certain visibility.

"So, where am I taking you?" Edward wondered, "Back to Charlie's?"

I didn't miss the way he forced himself to say his name aloud. It was further confirmation that what Charlie had told me was the truth. I shook my head and mumbled a soft "no."

"To your place?" he tried.

I nodded and folded my hands in my lap. It was silent as Edward continued to drive. I debated how I should broach the subject of Charlie with Edward.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

It bothered me that he wouldn't look at me. It bothered me that he wasn't the same man I'd seen last.

"I know what happened," I began.

Edward studiously avoided looking at me.

"I know what happened with you and Charlie. He told me the truth and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

His hands clenched the steering wheel a little tighter and his jaw clicked.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. He was right and I made my own decisions."

I cocked my head to the side. I'd address the fact he'd made a decision for me at another time. Right then I just wanted to hear if he really believed that things should be that way.

"So you don't regret what happened at all? You really meant it? You want me to stay away from you."

Edward sighed.

"I just…I'm trying to protect you, Bella. I practically got demoted recently and there are at least 50 people who wouldn't mind me showing up dead tomorrow. The FBI has completely taken over my case and I don't want you involved anymore than you need to be. Your father hates me. I'm just trying to change that, and seeing you doesn't help my case. I don't want to lose my job."

I didn't miss the way he never said 'no.' Even with his rebuttal, his voice was still tired. It was like all the passion had been sucked out of him. The fight in him was gone. There was a coldness and distance that overwhelmed me. I looked at him.

He was uncharacteristically dressed. He had a utility belt still strapped around his waist. It was clear he wasn't a regular officer but I had a feeling he had been reassigned. Was Edward the person Charlie meant when he was discussing reassignments?

"I don't want it to be this way. I care about you and—"

"Stop," Edward cut me off, "Please stop. I'm going insane here, Bella. I don't need or want your pity. I made a choice. After I drop you home, that's it."

I nearly flinched at how cold he was being. I suddenly hated Charlie at that moment. I hated Edward. I hated Danny Fiori. I hated everything. I hated Edward for being so noble and wanting to be a police officer. Why couldn't he be an accountant or something?!

I could try and fight him on the danger issue but I knew the evidence would be stacked against me. Why couldn't things work out for us like they had with Rosalie and Emmett? It wasn't fair. I loved him. Why couldn't he just love me back?

I shut down. He was pleading with me not to push him. I couldn't find the fight in me when he begged me so desperately not to. I stopped strategizing and accepted his plea. I was done with the thinking...the planning. I'd just be.

Okay, Edward, I won't push you anymore. I love you. Whatever happens from now on, please know I love you.

Please don't ask me what the next chapter is about. It's a secret (-- note the irony).

There's an outtake in the Secret Sideshots, Outtakes, and More story. Everyone seemed to want Bella's POV of the explosion, so that's what you've got waiting for you. Thanks to the like 3 people that voted for Edward's POV of the wedding ceremony. You guys are missing out. That was going to be very funny. No blog this chapter. I just don't want to talk about this chapter. I'd rather just hear all of your thoughts on it.

Review, please, so I know if you hated this chapter as much as I did or if you actually loved it. No flames though!

Before next chapter is posted there will be an interlude from Edward's POV posted underneath the outtake story. Author alert me or put that story on alert, because it's imperative to read it. The next chapter will be a total mindfuck to you if you don't read it.