Emily woke up as something hard slammed into her chest. "Ummgh." She muttered sharply. Opening her eyes, she caught sight of brown curly hair and felt a smile creep onto her face. Emily tried to stay still but was a little uncomfortable. Rachel had practically climbed all the way on top of Emily and was whimpering. Emily recognized one of her nightmares when she saw one. The profiler gently pulled her arm out from under JJ and brushed Rachel's hair out of her face slowly. "Hey Monkey...Rach...? Sweetie, come on wake up. You're okay. Rach, honey, wake up, I got you." Emily murmured softly until Rachel finally stopped whimpering and opened her eyes. Emily grinned down at the face looking up at her. "Good morning." She said happily. She whipped the few tears that had fallen onto Rachel's face off and kissed her nose. "Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked. Rachel shook her head and buried her face into Emily's chest, clutching her shirt and refusing to talk to her. "Okay, that's fine, but if you do let me know okay?" Rachel nodded and hugged Emily tighter without looking up.
The two of them stayed where they were, snuggling while JJ slept next to them. After a few moments, Emily thought Rachel might have fallen back asleep, but she spoke up. "Mly?" She whispered sleepily. The brunette woman smiled.
"Yes?"
"Was the social worker man telling the truth?" She asked in a tiny voice.
"About us adopting you?" Emily asked. Rachel nodded but quickly hid her face again, unable to look at Emily while she answered. "Yes. We've told you since you moved in that's what we want, if you want it too, it will be official next week."
"How does it work?" Rachel asked, looking up at Emily.
The profiler smiled, running her fingers through Rachel's hair while she talked. "Well, basically when parents have children they have legal rights as well as biological. Do you remember what biological means?"
"Like we share DNA?"
"Right." Emily said. Rachel lit up at getting something correct. "So, your biological parents were Clara and Frankie, but in some cases where the biological parents can't take care of their children, adoptive parents can." Emily glanced down to make sure that Rachel was actually understanding everything. They had explained it before, but Rachel seemed to be fully paying attention now. "Right now, we're your foster parents, which means we have a little bit of custody of you, but its not permanent." Emily watched Rachel's face fall and for a moment, a look of sheer panic came across it. She quickly wrapped her arms around the little girl tighter and pressed on. "But the adoption makes it permanent. The three of us go to court, and JJ and I sign some papers, and the judge signs some papers and then you are officially our daughter."
"Like for real? Like...you'd both be my moms?"
"Yep." Emily said with a bright smile. "Would you like that?"
"Yeah." Rachel whispered, a tiny smile appearing across her face. Emily bent down and kissed her nose again. Rachel giggled and tried to tickle Emily's stomach, while trying to remain quiet enough not to wake up JJ. Rachel sat up a bit as Emily squirmed under her and tickled furiously. The little girl paused as she accidentally pulled the side of Emily's shirt down. "What's that?" She asked, pointing to the clover burn just above Emily's breast. "Is it a tattoo! Can I get one!" She asked excitedly.
Emily frowned and sat up, leaning against the backboard. She pulled Rachel with her so the little girl was sitting on her lap. "No." She said quietly. "Its not a tattoo." Emily and JJ hadn't really told Rachel anything about Doyle, not wanting to scare her and not thinking it was necessary. They did mention that Emily had had to go away in hiding for a bit in case she somehow heard about Emily's 'death'. "Do you remember what JJ and I told you about? How I had to go away for a few months before you lived with us?"
"You played dead, like dead fish but for longer." Rachel answered nodding.
"Right, sort of. Well, the reason I had to go away was because a bad man was trying to hurt me."
"Why?" Rachel asked angrily. Emily almost grinned at how much her expression mirrored JJ's when she was protective and angry.
"Its a little complicated, I can explain it better when you're older; but I helped put him into jail for some of the bad things he had done, and when he got out, he was angry at me. He was threatening to hurt the team, and JJ, and so I ran away to try and protect them, but he found me. He...well, he hurt me trying to make me tell him where his son was."
"His son?" Rachel asked.
Emily nodded. "He had a son named Declan who I cared about very much and wanted to protect, so I made sure that he was hidden far, far away from his father so Ian couldn't turn his son into him. Since I wouldn't tell Ian where Declan was, he hurt me."
Emily watched Rachel and hid a tiny smirk as a hint of jealously creeped onto her face. She traced the scar with her finger gently, looking up at Emily, unsure. The brunette just sat still, willing herself not to cry, knowing it would frighten Rachel. Emily knew she hadn't fully dealt with everything that had happened last year. She still woke up in a cold sweat some nights. She saw Doyle's face while she slept, she felt pissed off and branded when she saw her scars. She had lied to her shrink about a lot of things, which Hotch had called her out on. Rachel looked up and stared at Emily, without a word she leaned down and kissed her scar. Emily almost burst out crying right then and there. It was such a simple, childlike, innocent fix, but it meant more to her than anything her shrinks or friends had to offer. Rachel rested her chin on Emily's collarbone and smiled. "Feel better?" She asked. Emily nodded, unable to put into words how much that simple gesture really did make her feel better. She pulled Rachel tighter to her and hugged her close.
That's how they were when JJ woke up and rolled over onto her side. A smile slipped across the blonde's face at the sight of her two favorite people. "Well hello." She said as she stretched out sleepily.
Rachel rolled herself off of Emily and on top of JJ, hovering her face not inches above JJ's. "Guess what?" She asked excitedly. "In a week I'll have two moms."
"Really? Who?" JJ asked, feigning ignorance.
Rachel looked stricken at Emily and lifted herself off JJ slightly. "You!" She squealed. "You and Emily! Right?" She asked the brunette, horrified that she might have been wrong.
JJ grinned and pulled Rachel into her, nuzzling her face and laughing as Rachel tried to squirm away. "Of course us silly! I was joking."
"That was not a funny joke JJ." Rachel said with a frown.
"I'm sorry." JJ said sincerely.
"Its okay, if we make pancakes I'll forgive you." Rachel smiled. Emily snorted and hauled Rachel up off of JJ. "Hey!" Rachel protested. "Put me back! I was comfortable! JJ makes a good pillow."
"Well, its time to wake up, she can be your pillow later." Emily smirked and threw Rachel over her shoulder. The little girl was upside down and giggling while Emily winked at her wife. "Meet you downstairs Jayje." She called from out in the hall.
"We'll start breakfast!" Rachel yelled. "And we won't burn anything!"
"I don't believe that for a second." JJ muttered under her breath as she lugged herself out of the warm comfortable bed and into the bathroom.
Emily plopped Rachel down on the counter and began digging around the pots and pans loudly. Rachel watched her quietly, a solemn expression on her face. "I've got scars too." She whispered as Emily produced a pan and began spraying it. The brunette turned and stared at Rachel in shock. The little girl never talked to them about Frankie, or Clara, only ever opening up to Dr. Yang. Emily started to say something, but from the look on Rachel's face, thought better of it and just waited. "My dad cut me a couple of times on my stomach when I got a dance move wrong. Sometimes on my legs too, but their all little."
Emily clenched her fists and tried to remind herself that this man was locked up for life and probably getting the shit beat out of him in jail, but it was difficult not to visibly show her anger.
"And, I've got one under my chin see?" Rachel lifted her head and motioned for Emily to come closer. There was a tiny scar across the bottom of her chin. "That wasn't Frankie's fault." Rachel explained. Emily took note that this was the first time she had called the man by his first name, rather than say 'my dad'. She was finally beginning to distance herself from him. "When I was three, I still lived with my mom, and she wasn't as sad then, and one day she was really happy and she said she'd play with me." Rachel's face lit up at the fond memory and Emily couldn't help feeling jealous. She knew it was irrational, and it was a good thing for Rachel to have a good memory of her mother. The brunette in no way wanted the little girl to be haunted by everything in her early childhood; but in the back of her mind, she wanted Rachel to only think of herself and JJ as her mothers. "We were playing tag and she was it, it was hide and seek tag – that's the best kind – and I was trying to get to safe. I slipped and banged my chin on the floor." Rachel went on, her face no longer excited. Emily glanced up and saw JJ trotting silently downstairs, listening to every word. "She took me to the hospital and a guy tried to stick me with a needle like when you guys took me to the doctors. They wanted to sew me up!" Rachel yelled, as if it were the most barbaric thing she had ever heard off. "My mom yelled at him for a long time and then took me home. They put glue on my chin instead. Cool huh?"
"Very." JJ said ruffling Rachel's hair as she walked past her. Emily saw the tight lip and the jealously at Rachel talking about her mother. The blonde pulled her wife into a small good morning kiss; which was more of a distraction to move her away from the stove than to actually kiss her hello. Emily frowned as JJ pulled away and slid herself into her place, getting to work at cooking breakfast. "Sit." She ordered.
"Not cool." Emily said with a pout. "I'll never learn if you don't let me try it."
"You'll poison me first!" Rachel yelled. Emily and JJ turned and watched – thoroughly amused – as Rachel clutched her throat and exaggerated choking to death while falling off of the counter. Thankfully, Emily had quick reflexes as Rachel really just dropped.
"Rach!" Emily yelled as she caught her. "What if I hadn't caught you?"
Rachel looked up at Emily, then JJ, thoroughly confused at their reaction. She simply shrugged. "I knew you would." And walked over to play while she waited for breakfast.
"So Rachel, how are we feeling today?" Dr. Yang asked as Rachel made herself comfortable in the chair.
"We think shrinks are stupid." Rachel said with a polite smile. "Emily doesn't see her shrink anymore, how come I still have to talk to you?"
"Well, we're friends aren't we?"
"No, you're a grown up. Grown ups can't be friends with kids."
"And why not?"
"Cause...I dunno. I just don't want to keep talking all the time." Rachel said with a groan.
"Well good, because I don't want to talk today either. I want you to draw me a picture."
"Really?" Rachel asked excitedly. She scooted her chair closer to Dr. Yang's desk as she produced paper and crayons.
"Yes. I'm going to tell you a word, and I want you to draw what it means to you." Dr. Yang explained.
"What's the word?" Rachel asked as she began digging through the crayons.
"Family."
"Family?" Rachel asked quietly.
"Yes. Family." Dr. Yang sat back and looked down at her notes, effectively ignoring Rachel and giving her time to draw. Rachel hesitated a few moments, contemplating what she wanted to draw before picking up a crayon and beginning. Dr. Yang smiled as she saw Rachel scribbling out of the corner of her eye. They sat in silence for about half an hour, Dr. Yang going over her files and Rachel coloring. When she was done, Rachel lifted the paper up in triumph, shoving it in front of Dr. Yang. "All finished?" She asked. Rachel nodded and began putting the crayons back in their box while Dr. Yang looked at the drawing. "So, who is who?" She asked. "And why are they in the photo?"
Rachel leaned forward and pointed to the small figure in the middle with dark brown squiggles of hair. "That's me." She said happily. "See, my freckles are on my nose! Over here is Emily." Rachel pointed to the tall drawing beside her. Her 'Emily' figure had jet black hair drawn on, and her stick hand holding Rachel's with her other arm around a blonde stick figure. "This is JJ." Rachel explained. The blonde stick figure had a huge red smile on her face and was holding hands with Rachel. "And this is Jack and Mr. Hotch, next to them is Garcia, Morgan and Spence. That guy behind them is Mr. Dave." Her drawing of the BAU team was adorable. Garcia was drawn with all her accessories, bracelets, bright colored glasses, and she was grinning at Morgan. Rachel drew Morgan's muscles very noticeably, with Hotch and Jack both wearing big smiles on their faces. "Mr. Hotch doesn't always smile like that, but to me and Jack he does." She said happily. Rachel had drawn Reid with his longer hair, his purple scarf and mismatched socks. Rachel had recently started wearing two different socks everyday. "Over on the other side is Mary and Andrew, those are JJ's parents and these people are Emily's; their names are Elizabeth and Michael. I told you I met them a while ago."
Dr. Yang noticed that Rachel seemed to want to say something else and set the drawing down on her table. "Rachel?" She asked.
"I...well up there I left some extra space...because I...well I wasn't sure if I should add my mom and dad." Rachel bit her lip and fiddled with the edge of her skirt. Dr. Yang sighed and waited in case Rachel wanted to say anything else. When it didn't look like she would, Dr. Yang spoke up.
"Well, it's your drawing, you can put whatever you want in it." She insisted.
"Well...you said family right?"
"Yes."
"And, they're my parents. We share DNA, that means their my family right? So I have to put them in the picture right? Its a rule."
"No, its not a rule." Dr. Yang said simply. "Yes, you're right, you do share DNA with them and they are your biological parents, but that doesn't necessarily make them your family."
"Why not?" Rachel asked quietly.
"Well, family doesn't always mean people you share blood with; family means the people in your life who take care of you, who love you and who are there for you when you need them. If you consider your mother and your father as part of that, then go ahead and draw them in, but if you don't want to, you don't have to."
Rachel sat in the large chair, fiddling with the edge of her skirt and not looking up at Dr. Yang. "Well...my mom, she took care of me sometimes. But, she was too tired and sad to do it all the time."
"What do you think about that?"
"I'm mad at her." Rachel said shamefully.
"Why?"
"Because it wasn't fair!" Rachel yelled. "I was little and I couldn't take care of myself. She was the grown up! It was her job! I could have made her not sad, why didn't she love me?"
Dr. Yang set down her pen, leaning forward, happy to see that Rachel was finally showing emotion and talking about her past. "What makes you think she didn't love you?" She asked.
"I don't remember her saying it. Emily and JJ tell me they love me all the time, and they hug me, and they like having me around. My mom never really hugged me, she always wanted me to leave her alone." Rachel began to tear up and slunk back down in her chair, the anger being replaced by hurt. "She isn't my mom anymore, she's just Clara. I don't want to call her my mom."
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Dr. Yang said softly.
"I don't want to call Frankie my dad either."
"That's fine."
"But...but then...do you think, do you think its okay if I want to..." Rachel trailed off.
"Want to what Sweetie?" Dr. Yang prompted.
"Nothing, never mind."
"You can ask me anything you want Rachel, remember, it stays between us." Dr. Yang reminded her. Rachel looked up and held Dr. Yang's gaze for a moment.
"If I don't have to call Clara and Frankie Mom and Dad, does that mean I can call whoever I want my parents?"
"Yep." Dr. Yang said simply.
"Okay." Rachel smiled to herself. "Are we gonna talk more today, or can I have a cookie?"
Dr. Yang gave a light laugh. "We're done for the day, why don't you head outside and get a cookie from Susan and send Emily and JJ in please. I want to talk to them for a minute."
"Okay! Bye!" Rachel yelled as she jumped up happily. Since she tried chocolate chip cookies the first time she met Emily and JJ, she realized they were most definitely her favorite food. "Susan!" She yelled to the receptionist the second she opened the door. "I get cookies!" Rachel skipped over to the front desk, not even looking at Emily and JJ. "She wants to talk to you." She yelled over to them. Rachel placed her hands on top of the counter and tried to hop herself up on top. While Emily and JJ walked into the office, JJ lifted Rachel up as she walked past before she fell over and hurt herself.
"Two." She said firmly. "No more." JJ looked up to Susan who nodded and swatted Rachel's hand away as she tried to go for a third. "I saw that!" JJ called.
"No way! You were turned around!" Rachel yelled back in awe.
"Eyes in the back of my head babe. No more, behave." JJ said pointing her finger at Rachel. The little girl smiled and stuffed a cookie into her mouth. JJ just shook her head and followed Emily into the office.
"Thank you for coming in ladies, this won't take long. I just wanted to say that I think Rachel is doing really well and I am giving my full support to the judge regarding your adoption." Dr. Yang said with a smile. Emily and JJ's faces lit up.
"Really?" Emily asked softly.
Dr. Yang grinned and passed over the drawing Rachel had done in their session. "Really. I asked her today to draw her family. This is the result. She's in the middle, the two of you around her, your team and your parents." Dr. Yang watched as the two women studied the drawing. The emotion on their faces was apparent and she couldn't help but smile along with them. "She left a blank space here, in case I told her she had to draw Frankie and Clara. She told me that she doesn't want to call them her parents anymore, so she didn't add them."
"Really?" JJ asked. "That...is that a good thing?"
" I think so, but we'll see. She seemed content, happy even, like a weight had been lifted. She thought they had to be her parents, she seems happy that they don't."
Emily and JJ took the drawing with them as they headed back out to the waiting room to collect Rachel. "I got two more cookies." She admitted the second they walked out the door. The smile fell from JJ's face and she frowned at Rachel. "They're for you!" Rachel said immediately, holding them out with a smile. "If you want to share, that's up to you." She said mischievously.
JJ shared a look with Emily. "Where the heck do you get this stuff?" JJ asked as she went over to Rachel. JJ held her coat out for her and laughed as Rachel stuffed the cookie into the blonde's mouth. "Arms." JJ said with her mouth full. Rachel complied and handed Emily the second cookie before letting JJ put the coat on her.
"Is that my picture?" Rachel asked, noticing the paper in Emily's hand.
"Yeah, Dr. Yang gave it to us, if that's okay?" Emily asked.
"It's fine." Rachel said with a smile. "Can I have a piggyback ride?"
Emily glanced at JJ and handed over the picture. "Sure kiddo, hop on." She said with a laugh. Rachel stood up and lunged forward, jumping onto Emily's back.
"Rach!" JJ chastised. "Careful."
"Sorry." Rachel said with a laugh. "Let's race JJ!" She whispered into Emily's ear.
"Oh, no way!" JJ yelled. Before Emily could say anything, the blonde took off across the parking lot. "Come on Em!" She yelled taunting them. Emily grinned as Rachel squealed with laughter and took off after her wife.