Chapter summary: Vignettes from the road as Felicity and Ben travel to Yorktown
….
To Felicity, it felt like a dream of hers was coming true. She would be taking to the open road upon Penny and traveling hundreds of miles, sleeping outside, foraging for food, and living off of the land. Completely wild and free.
Well, it wasn't exactly as she had imagined it once upon a time ago. In this original dream, she had seen herself fleeing towards the western frontier to escape the future of gentlewomanly expectations. This dream had manifested as a child, disappeared during her early teen years, the resurfaced with growing intensity as she drew closer to the engagement with Joseph that thankfully never was.
But now? All the key pieces were still there. She may not be traveling west, but she knew south would be completely sufficient at this time. And it wasn't the wild frontier, but the King's Highway. And she wouldn't be alone, but this was all just fine as Ben would be by her side. Together, they were to travel by horseback to Yorktown and rendezvous with Samuel and Ingrid, who would be going by the slower riding carriage. Then, the four of them would travel on to Williamsburg.
Ben had worried about how exactly to inform her mother and father that they were coming. He had given Felicity the letter he had received from her mother to read, but to Felicity, there had been no predicament. Her mother had invited the two of them along with Samuel and Ingrid to discuss their relationship. They were doing exactly that, so what was there to fret about?
Ingrid had seen Felicity eye-to-eye on this. "Just say exactly what your will is, my dear," she instructed Ben. "You are to ask a man for his daughter's hand, and you must make that clear."
Ben had given a curt nod, but Felicity saw the hesitation in his eyes. Ingrid meant well, but Felicity knew that Ben was dwelling on the fact that there was still a level of deception at play. The letter would be enclosed in a note addressed to Ben's sister Charlotte back in Yorktown with instructions to then mail it on to the Merrimans in Williamsburg. This would cover any suspicion that might arise if the letter from Ben was postmarked in Philadelphia.
Felicity had sworn to him that she would let her mother and father know in person that Ben had been in Philadelphia nearly this whole time. She carried no fear about this; after all, she and Ben were both in a position to have full control of their lives, and her mother and father would not have the power to refuse an engagement. If anything, this was all but a formality. "The sooner you write it," she admonished him, "the sooner we may be on our way. So let's crack on!"
Ben had sighed and rested his head into his arms. "What kind of person have you turned me into?" He asked, his voice muffled by his forearms.
Felicity reached down and brushed a few stray strands of his hair back. He did not stir, and she grinned at the back of his head. "Just the kind of person that I want."
Up in her room, she had laid out a series of gowns and other garments that would be packed into her trunk and sent along with Ingrid and Samuel. She would keep her hardiest clothing for herself to wear on the road. The early April weather was warm but tended to be rather wet, and she was sure to include her oil-soaked cloak for any rainshowers. But what else? She gazed upon the two gowns set aside for her journey, six pairs of woolen socks, and the now-empty pack that was propped against her desk. Would this be it?
Of course, there would be things like food and other types of provisions, but those would be packed later. For now, she would just have to keep her excitement at bay, and find something else to occupy her mind.
She thought about wandering back downstairs to see how Ben was doing with his letter, but had a sudden realization. She would only be spending a few days in Williamsburg as Ben needed to return to Philadelphia with time to spare before his ship set sail, but she knew that she needed to make enough time to see her oldest friend.
The prospect of seeing Elizabeth again did have a few complicating factors namely in the form of an ex-suitor who would likely be unavoidable, but she knew that she could not visit Williamsburg without reaching out.
She sat down at her desk, pulled out a fresh piece of paper, and began to write.
April 3rd, 1783
Dearest Elizabeth,
Happy Springtime to you, My Dear! I hope that this letter finds you and your little one (to be, of course!) in good health and spirits. I am writing to you to tell you that I will be traveling shortly to Williamsburg, leaving in three days-time. I confess that the details are a little complicated, but you know that I wouldn't have it any other way! The short of it is that Ben and I have reconciled, and the purpose of this visit is so that we can formally set an engagement.
I of course will tell you all of the details in person, if you find this favorable. I hope very much that you do, as I would very much like to speak with you once again.
Please give my love to your family, and I hope to see you in a few weeks' time.
Until we meet again,
Felicity
Felicity quickly re-read the letter, wondering if it would be sufficient. She had a mind to just go ahead and write a lengthier version with all of the twists and turns of the last few weeks, but had a pause, remembering that once upon a time ago, she had bared her thoughts and actions to Elizabeth and the girl had judged her unfavorably.
Even with the apologetic tone of Elizabeth's letters, Felicity knew she had to tread carefully. After all, she was now married to Joseph, and the man had a spectacular talent for getting others to open up favorably, then giving them a sly verbal backhand. Perhaps Elizabeth had picked up on these same manners.
Yes, this short letter would have to be sufficient for the time being. The details would wait until she was in the company of her childhood friend, able to see and find anything hidden in the other girl's tone and expression.
She folded it up and sealed it, figuring that she might as well pay a visit to the postmaster. Perhaps Ben was finished with his letter as well.
….
Ben knelt down and checked once again to make sure the straps on his pack were securely buckled. Satisfied, he slung it over his back and wrapped the final canvas strap around his midsection. He then glanced up at Felicity, already mounted atop Penny, the reins in her hands. She was dressed in a simple, plain gown and cloak, perfect for a long distance ride. Her hair was done in a braid that rested over one shoulder, and she wore a rough muslin cap to protect from the wind. He studied her for a moment, picturing her as he saw her just a few days prior dressed in all of her finery as they two of them prepared to attend his company anniversary ball. Despite the contrast, she was indeed one and the same.
Lissie….
"Are you ready then?" Felicity grinned down at him. He shook himself out of his reverie and brushed the dust off his hands against his woolen breeches, worn through and patched many times since their initial purchase years ago. Like Felicity, he knew he was dressed like a proper ruffian, the sole purpose that they would look like just another working-class couple on the road.
"I reckon so." Ben glanced back at the front of Anna and William's home, where the rest of his family was gathered. The two of them had bid their farewells just a few minutes prior, with assurances to the children that they would return in a few weeks' time.
"You sure you don't need any more help?" He called back, noting the stacks of traveling chests that contained his and Felicity's things. They would be going with his mother and father in their carriage, which should have been leaving as well at this time, if not for his mother's insistence that she take one more shopping trip into town.
"For the last time, no! Now on with the both of 'ya!" William called out, and Anna waved her hand dismissively at them.
Ben grinned and mounted Rosie, taking her reins and turning her around so she faced the road. "Goodbye, and we will see you all in a few weeks' time!" Felicity called back, waving her free arm.
"Good luck Ben! Hope Miss Felicity's father doesn't throw you out again!" Ezra called out. Anna reached over to clamp a hand over the boy's mouth, and he bit back laughter. Above him, he could hear Felicity's laughter.
"Please be careful, Children! Ben! Do take care of Felicity!" His mother called out, and Ben nodded to her before nudging Rosie onwards. He glanced back and saw Felicity do the same as she waved goodbye one more time. She then caught up to him, Penny walking alongside Rosie.
Finally, they were on their way.
They rode in comfortable silence, by-passing the city center in favor of the side-roads that would not be so crowded with foot traffic. Block-after-block of densely-populated rowhouses passed by them, gradually turning into single-family structures with full yards and gardens. These houses became further and further spaced-out as they became farms, making it official that they were now outside of the city.
Next to him, Felicity broke into the silence by letting out a happy sigh. "Finally, we are on our way! I am so, so happy to be traveling like this, I have no words to express it!"
Ben turned to look at her. She wore an expression of complete bliss, her face lit up with pure radiance. He watched her for a moment as she closed her eyes and lifted her chin ever-so-slightly so that she might catch the sun. "I'm happy to hear that you feel this way! I hope it continues throughout the week." He smiled at her, trying not to think about aching backs and saddle sores.
"Aye, I hope so too." Felicity grinned at him, then turned her head as a road sign caught her attention. "Baltimore, one hundred and five miles," she read.
"That's the goal, to get south of Baltimore by tomorrow evening." Ben said, then considered the thought further, "although, we are not in the biggest hurry. If you feel you must slow down and walk, or stop completely and rest, please say so!"
"Noted, and same goes for you too." Felicity smiled at him again.
They once again fell into silence, moving aside as a patrol carriage passed them on the left. Ben made an effort to relax into his saddle, keeping in mind the stamina he would need to complete the ride. When he had originally traveled from Yorktown to Philadelphia the previous November, he had been wracked with anxiety over whether or not Felicity would be happy to see him and his taxing mental state had helped him ignore the physical difficulties of the journey. This time he knew that he was capable of the ride, but he was worried that Felicity would have her own troubles. He saw how happy she was now, and hoped that her attitude would carry her through.
Felicity spoke up. "When I was traveling through with the Wentworths, we stayed at an inn very close to the Baltimore town square. I was very fond of the city! I think it was the first time I had felt happy in a while, as I realized that I was leaving Williamsburg and all of my troubles behind. Even though it was but just a few months ago, it feels like it has been years."
"Aye, I believe it. Things can change so rapidly." Ben thought back to the previous November, when he had made his desperate plea to the officials at the Asiatic company to give him a concrete position. He had been stuck at his childhood home, unable to raise the capital needed to marry Felicity and make a life for the two of them, not knowing what the best way forward would be.
"I almost feel like this is all a dream," confessed Felicity. "Any moment now, I will wake up in my childhood bedroom and have to face Mother's disapproval and the gossip of the town, or-," she gave a slight gasp, "Perhaps I will wake up and find that I am late for a promised visit with Joseph." She shuddered.
Ben gave her a smile, surprised that she seemed so spooked. Did she really believe this was all a dream? "So what if you do wake up? With all of the knowledge and experiences that you have gained while in this dreamworld, how will you proceed?"
"Run off to find where you are, for starters." Felicity said cheerfully. "Pen a manuscript about Jiggy Nye. Ask if your niece is in need of a governess. Simply stated, I would seek to recreate my experiences here!" She turned to face him. "And what about you? If you woke up in your childhood bedroom, the last few months just a dream, what would you do? How would you proceed?"
Ben considered this. It was his instinct to just repeat Felicity's sentiments back to her, that he would just seek to re-create the present day that the two of them found themselves in. But, the reality that he would be leaving soon for Europe weighed on his mind. "I'm not entirely sure. I would of course wish for all of this to be real, but I don't know what I could do differently to avoid leaving you alone here for the next year and a half, two years."
"You wouldn't need to avoid it." Felicity said. "While I regret that you are leaving and I will miss you terribly, perhaps it was the price to pay to have things work out for us." She grinned at him, "and come now! I am not a little girl that must not be left alone! Why, I should see it as you are being cast out into the great wide world, a little boy all alone! In this case, I should be the one fretting on about the matter!"
Ben felt a bit of relief at her words. "I'm heartened that you take it so well. Perhaps I should have originally told you of my travels while we were on a long ride such as this!" He indeed wondered if the influence and prospect of the wild outdoors were influencing her good cheer. A glance over assured him that she still had the same giddy expression on her face.
He made an attempt to return her smile, but he knew it was a poor one. He would be leaving her again, just as he did more than a year prior. Sure, there was a return date this time, but the end conclusion was still the same. He thought back to their previous sad, secret farewell, as Felicity had laid her head on his chest and spoke with her words of anguish and uncertainty. He instinctively cast his gaze downward, looking at Rosie's mane bobbing up and down as she walked.
Felicity must have noticed his change in expression. "Please, Ben, don't look so sad. Yes, you are leaving, but we must not dwell on it. Let us be happy and fully enjoy this time together. Please?"
Ben looked up at her. She was still smiling, but the expression in her eyes was imploring him to look beyond the reality that they faced, and just simply enjoy this time. He watched her, and put a few thoughts together, re-focusing his mind. You have the ground beneath you, the sky above you, the road ahead of you, and Felicity at your side. She wants you to be happy, and it will be so.
He smiled at her. "Absolutely."
….
"Screee….clickclickclick…."
Felicity cracked her eyes open, seeing the early morning light breaking through the trees. The smell of the forest was in the air; damp earth and green moss, pine needles and bark pitch. The birds were already awake, calling to one another with alternating patterns of squawks and clicks.
She turned her head and shifted within her dense bedroll, seeing the stone ring and charred remains of last night's fire. Across the way laid Ben, asleep in his bedroll, his face still and silent. It was the beginning of their fourth day on the road, and the third morning that she had woken up under the adequate shelter of a hasty lean-in structure.
Perhaps it was still a bit early, and she would not have otherwise awoken if not for that one especially noisy scrubjay. She rolled back onto her side and closed her eyes, intending to drift back into sleep but instead thought back to events of the three previous days. Their travels together were exactly as she had dreamed about, and perhaps even more. The King's Highway was like a living, breathing entity, flush with other travelers, their numbers growing dense when they were close to cities, and more sparse the further away they were from any kind of settlement. Sometimes they found themselves alone on the road, and sometimes they wove through a larger party of travelers, passing the slower carriages and riding chairs carrying more well-to-do folks.
Ben had quickly informed her of the unspoken rules and guidelines of travel. On the road, they were just like everyone else. There was no harm in using their real first names, but beyond that, it was best to be vague. They were Ben and Felicity, heading from Philadelphia, traveling south to do whatever opportunity presented itself to them. Other travelers that they met also only went by their first names, and would skirt any follow-up questions regarding their destination, familial relations, and socioeconomic status. It was almost like a form of playful banter.
Felicity had briefly broken the code in response to a question posed by kind-faced woman as they neared the previous night's campsite, admitting that she and Ben were on their way to set an engagement. The woman had been sharing a saddle with what Felicity assumed was her husband, as she clutched their young child. In response, the husband had grinned at the two of them. "Such unnecessary business!" He had scoffed, "Me and my wife are likely in the same situation, d'you think? Traveling to get married in front of a priest. Gotta do it right, says my mother. Figure we would play by her rules, be a nice thing to do while she is still around."
Felicity had done her best not to look confused as she tried to decipher what exactly the man was saying. She decided that there would be nothing to lose by clarifying. "So you are already married, but not in your mother's church?" she asked.
"Not in any church." The woman had said as her face took on a dreamy expression. "We were married at the shoreline in the twilight hours, saying our vows to one another as the fireflies came out and the waves washing along the shore glowed with a strange light. It was a sign that God accepted us as Man and Wife."
"My mother didn't speak to us for a couple-a years after what we had pulled," the Man said, "But now she sends a letter, telling us she is tired and old, and would like us to be married proper in a church. Her last wish, she put it. She was always good to me when I was a boy, and I don't hold a grudge."
"Yes, I am looking forward to seeing your dear mother once again. I just hope she is not too cross at me." The woman said, glancing backwards at her husband. In response, he had released the reins with one arm and pulled her closer. "If she does, me and you and little Maggie are out of there at the first light." He then had nodded at the two of them. "My unsolicited advice is to skip all of the bloody formal stuff, and just get married."
As she laid in her bedroll and replayed the conversation in her mind, she smiled at the memory. There had been an impulse within her to run off to Yorktown to seek out Ben; would this have been their story? The man and woman seemed plenty happy, now with their own child.
Now realizing that it was looking increasing unlikely that she would drift off again, she re-focused on Ben. The two previous mornings she had awoken to find that Ben already had a fire going, with a pot of water ready for coffee. Perhaps it was high time that she repaid the favor by getting up and beginning the preparations herself. She braced herself for the morning chill and unbuttoned her bedroll enough so that she could readily scoot out of it, then took a moment to adjust her loosened bodice before wrapping her cloak around herself.
She took another glance at the fireplace and noticed that it was completely wet. It must have rained at some point during the night, which would make building a fire difficult.
Hmmm….what to do?, she thought, kneeling down at the fire to stir the ashes, hoping to unearth a dry patch.
Above her, a scrub jay called out again, ending its screech with a series of clicks. That seemed to set off all of the birds within a half-mile radius. Somewhere in the distance a dog started barking, and Ben stirred in response to these combination of sounds. He rolled onto his back and cracked one eye open, squinting in the light to focus on her. "S'it morning?" He asked, voice raspy with sleep.
"It is!" Felicity said, happy to have him finally join her. "Unfortunately it rained last night, so I think we might have trouble getting a fire going. Otherwise I would have had coffee prepared by now." That last note was a bit of an exaggeration.
Ben sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and rubbing his eyes. "So no coffee then."
"Afraid not." Felicity replied. The more they talked about the hot beverage and its magical properties, the more she realized that she needed it. Clearly, this was a problem that needed to be remedied. "Whatever shall we do?"
Ben yawned and rubbed his face, finishing off the movement by smoothing his hair back. "Get some in Alexandria. I don't think it is far from here."
"Alright then." Felicity stood up and brushed the dirt off of her apron, then commenced rolling up her bedroll. She finished the task rather quickly, pulling the straps taut to keep the shape. As she was nearing completion, she realized that there was no similar activity coming from the other side of their little site. She turned and noticed Ben still sitting there, watching her with vacant, sleepy eyes.
"Come on then, time is wasting!" She grinned and knelt in front of him, shaking his shoulders. In response, he fell back over and shifted deeper into his bedroll so that only sign of him was a few strands of his hair.
"If you fall back asleep, I'm fetching a bucket of water. You know what happened last time…" She warned.
"You wouldn't dare." Ben's muffled voice came from within.
Felicity too knew that she wouldn't dare, but that didn't keep her from some sort of retaliation. She stood up and collapsed onto Ben with all the force that her body weight could offer. The expectation was that he would react with some sort of shock, but there was nothing, almost like he had braced himself for a full on collision. Felicity laid on him a moment more, digging her heels into the ground in an effort to make herself heavier. Still, there was no response. A small note of warning appeared in her mind that he had a retaliation of his own and that she should get off and make her distance, but it was too late. His arms came forth and encircled her midsection, digging his fingers into her incredibly sensitive ribcage. She squealed with laughter and instinctively kicked, finally squirming free and rolled away to a safe distance.
Ben was laughing then, as he separated himself from his bedroll. "You've got to exercise a bit of caution when you go to wake up a bear."
Felicity fixed him with her best glare before conceding. "Well, at least I got you up! So, shall we move on?"
She stuck her hands out and Ben pulled her to standing. He didn't quite release her when it was clear that she was perfectly balanced, and instead, ran his hands up to her shoulders before circling his arms around her back and pulling her into a brief embrace.
They broke apart a moment later, then got to work cleaning up their campsite before continuing on their way.
…
Their "short" ride to Alexandria, as Ben had originally predicted, had stretched on for nearly four hours and by now the two of them were starving. Finally it looked as though they had made it, as the highway widened ahead of them. Alexandria was a fairly small town, but was rapidly growing as another port to the busy Potomac River. The buildings that lined the street were quite new, created to accommodate the travelers that came through. There were a number of taverns, inns, and general supply shops. Ben looked to Felicity to choose the place where they would hopefully get something to eat, and it only took a moment for her to select a brick building with raised flower beds decorating the window sills.
Ben squinted against the midday sun to read the sign hanging off of the tavern. "Gadsby's Tavern." He read slowly. "That's a friendly-sounding name."
"Glad we are in agreement." Felicity said as they led their horses to the hitching post. Ben noticed her clipped tone, and figured it was just the lack of a solid morning meal. The effects only dulled Ben's senses, but Felicity, he knew was prone to snappishness when she was lacking in sustenance.
Ben knew that they had for sure missed breakfast, but the midday menu was on. Roast chicken and potatoes! He strode towards the smiling hostess, wondering exactly how many minutes it would take between this moment, and the moment that a plate would be placed in front of him. After a brief exchange of the necessary pleasantries, the hostess waved for them to follow her. Ben started, then noticed that Felicity was not right behind him. He turned around, and saw that she was still lingering a short distances from the door, her hands close to her face as if she were thinking of covering it.
"Lissie? Are you coming?" Ben asked, trying to keep any irritation at bay. They were so close to obtaining food, what on Earth could be the problem?
Felicity blinked and looked about at the other patrons, then put her head down and scampered after them like an embarrassed child. Ben shook his head and let the hostess direct them to a table in the far edge of the establishment, then took her leave.
Ben pulled out a chair for Felicity, "Sit, and tell me just what is bothering you." He sat down across from her and folded his hands.
"Ben," Felicity started, as she pulled her cap so it was covering her hairline, "I know this sounds silly, but we can't just come in from four days in the wilderness and sit in such a fine establishment! I look completely awful! You look completely awful!"
"Thanks for the kind words." Ben said dryly. It had been several days since he last looked into a mirror and knew he had four days' worth of stubble on his face, but he didn't think awful was the proper descriptive term to use. He studied Felicity, and despite the strands of hair that were escaping her cap and the streak of mud across her cheek, she looked just fine.
"I didn't mean it like that," Felicity said, as she unfolded and re-folded a napkin. "I just had completely forgotten about how dusty we are. It's strange to walk back into civilization. I wish that I had not selected this place."
"Well, we aren't leaving now." Ben said decidedly. He saw Felicity's face change as if she were set to argue, and he doubled down. "We would have been just fine to get some coffee and keep going, if it wasn't for the loss of all our food." Shortly after they had packed up their camp, they realized that in the rush of getting unpacked and getting some sleep after the previous nights' campfire dinner, they had forgotten to secure the food pack against scavenging wildlife. It had gone without mention of blame, but it ultimately had been Felicity's responsibility while Ben had gone to set up a lean-to.
Felicity blew a breath through her nose and put her head into her hands, apparently more frustrated with herself than she was cross at Ben. "Hey," he said, reaching for one of her hands, "These people are probably travelers just like us, and we will likely never see any of them ever again. And furthermore," he grinned at her as she looked up, "The hostess did seat us far away from everyone else. Perhaps she is of the same mind as you, but honestly, the devil may care!"
Felicity sighed. "I know, never thought I'd worry over my appearance. In fact, I don't know why I am so concerned over it right now. I…I'm really sorry that I forgot to secure the pack last night."
"Think nothing of it," Ben assured her. "It is probably just an effect of hunger. We will just pick up new supplies here in town." Truth be told, he was feeling quite alright with the mishap. They could sit down for a hot meal here, then go and get some fresh biscuits, some cheese, and just maybe, being a port town there might be some exotic fruits available. It would sure beat stale cornbread any day.
All thoughts of stale cornbread were then banished from his mind, as the hostess returned with two plates for them.
…..
Alexandria was the last city that Ben and Felicity would see for a good long distance, and now they were really into the wilderness. It was a surprise that they would start seeing some familiar faces in the folks also going the same route. They encountered the friendly man and his wife on not one but two occasions, who both gave a smile and a nod as they passed. There was a woman, some jolly old matriarch type that had a splendid soprano voice, a handful of folks who wanted to make sure that everyone they came across recognized Jesus Christ as the Lord and Saviour of mankind, a few others who were in deep denial that the Revolutionary War was now over, traveling merchants that carried goods from across the thirteen colonies, and of course, ordinary families that were traveling to visit family in different cities.
Then, there were the women travelers. Felicity didn't know if these women knew each other before they set upon the road, or if they just found one another along the way. But they clung together in full support and mutual protection of one another and all of the children. On occasion she and Ben would become separated for short periods of time if either Penny or Ben's mare, Rosie were feeling lazy. Then, she would often get approached by women travelers asking if she needed companionship and protection. The question was always the same, "Sister, are you traveling alone?"
There were also plenty of beggars on the road. Some of these were full adults, bedraggled and toothless men and women who traveled by foot, their gray hair poking out from underneath worn caps and often clutching bottles of their preferred drink. There were children among them, unruly, dirty and heartbreakingly barefoot. Ben had warned Felicity before they departed that it was never a good idea to give money to beggars, not even children. "If the children are hungry, give some food, but never, ever give any money. 'Tis seemingly cruel, but if you are known to have money to give away, you become a target for thieves." He had said, then thought for a moment, "Actually, if you are giving food, make sure that it is plain. No preserves or sweets. Having that to give up is just like saying you have the money to purchase such a thing."
Felicity had fully understood Ben's reasoning, although it haunted her to deny she had any money to folks that obviously needed it. There are churches, services in the towns for these people. They aren't going to starve if I deny them this one thing, she reminded herself. Still, it felt like there was some kind of divine pull at her heart when she shook her head at a little girl who had come up to her while Felicity had been stopped to adjust a buckle on her saddle. She had asked for a few pence in a high, thin voice, her hands cupped in Felicity's direction, with eyes tearing up in response to Felicity's apologetic denial.
"Wait, sweetheart, just a minute. Please, let me get you something that might help." Felicity dug in her purse and pulled out some chocolate, which she had purchased the previous day in Alexandria. She handed it to the girl, who snatched it away and after a quick inspection, took a bite, closing her eyes contentedly at the taste.
Felicity smiled at the little girl and prepared to mount Penny, but at that moment the little girl's mother seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Casey, what'dya got there?" She seized the girl by the wrist and wrenched what was left of the chocolate out of her hand to inspect it. "A sweet?"
The girl stared up at her with wide eyes and gave a slight nod. "Well then!", the woman said, fixing her eyes on Felicity. "What else d'you think you could spare my daughter and I? Been a long time since we eaten, and a few shillings would get us faster passage to Richmond. We got family there waitin' for us."
Normally Felicity would not have hesitated to open her pack once again, but the woman took a step towards Felicity, her hawk-like gaze not budging. Her hand was still tightly wrapped around the girl's wrist even as she was trying her best to edge away. Now feeling quite uncomfortable, she shook her head. "'Fraid not, Ma'am." She put a foot into one of Penny's stirrups and prepared to pull herself up into the saddle. "I wish you and your daughter fine travels, and best of luck in Richmond."
"Wait right there," the woman commanded. "I jus' want to know where you came upon such a fine piece of chocolate. Strange that you have this to just give away but no money." She tossed what was left of the chocolate onto the ground.
"'Twas a gift." Felicity said, now looking down the road in search of Ben. He had instructed Felicity to ride on ahead for a bit and pace back, as Penny had been showing signs of restlessness while Rosie had been content to plod along. At this point, Ben was nowhere to be seen. There were other travelers passing by, but no one was paying them any notice.
"'Twas a gift? Just a gift?" The woman scoffed. She had released the girl with a swift kick, prompting her to squeal and then scamper off. "Who gave it to you? A man? Men don't just give gifts like that to a tart like you!" She sneered, "Don't tell me you only accept chocolate as payment!"
Felicity knew that she didn't need to stay here, but her temper was flaring. "Payment for what? Pray, do tell me!"
"I been just like you, girl, so lookin' at me you see yer future!" The woman started ranting, "Now I'm warnin' you, my old man on the trail here will find you and cut you up good, then you won't be able to rely on yer pretty face to get by. He cut you jus' like this!" She pointed to the jagged scar running from the corner of her mouth to her ear, "Now one last warning, give it over!"
The lingering sense of pity that Felicity had felt for this woman had completely dissipated, as did her anger. She sighed, realizing that just being a woman alone, would carry the assumption that any money she received was through prostitution. "I've not got anythin' to give," she said, making sure her dialect was simple. "I wish you and your daughter and your old man, wherever he is, the best of luck in your travels." She stuck her foot in Penny's stirrup and swung her leg over. "I should mention that I have a knife as well, and my old man on the trail here has a pistol, loaded and ready for discharge. Good day to you!"
The woman spat and cursed at her, but Felicity did her best to block the noise out as she nudged Penny in the sides, prompting her to head back on the road at a trot in search of Ben. She found him a mile back amongst a group of travelers as he led Rosie on by foot. "Lissie!" He grinned at her, "So glad to see you! My new friends and I have been practicing our singing!"
Felicity joined in with their variations of Shady Grove, but a lingering sense of unease and guilt remained due to the outcome of the earlier scene.
….
The late afternoon had brought in continuous rain, so the decision was made to stop and set up camp so that there would be a chance to dry off and stay warm. Felicity had been uncharacteristically quiet for many hours, and when Ben had asked for her opinion on where they should set up camp, she had been strangely indecisive. "Is it better to be within earshot of other camps? Or further away, hidden from everyone?" She had asked.
"That all depends." Ben said, starting to catch on to Felicity's apprehensive state. "Are you concerned for your safety? What worries you more? Man or beast?"
Felicity shrugged, giving a quick shake of her head. "Perhaps both, or neither. Maybe we should just stay right here, within earshot of other camps."
"What are you concerned of? Did you hear something earlier?" Ben asked. He saw Felicity shrug her shoulders again as if to brush it off, but he interrupted her. "Lissie, if there is something that happened, 'tis best for me to know about it."
"'Nothing at all to worry over." Felicity said, "I just had an unpleasant run-in with a beggar woman after I gave her daughter a piece of chocolate. She demanded money and all but called me a whore when I denied her. Said she'd send her old man after me."
"Hm." Ben had warned Felicity not to be free with beggars, as in their struggle to get by, many of them were prone to dangerous and anti-social behavior. Felicity was looking at him apologetically, as if she knew that she had gone against his recommendation.
He would save her the lecture. "So, your first encounter with the riff-raff?" He joked.
Felicity's expression turned rather severe. "It's not funny. I felt so bad for that little girl. Her mother probably sets her up to ask, then watches and readies herself to exploit any acts of charity. And there was no kindness to be seen towards her daughter, she snatched the chocolate right out of her hand and gave the girl a kick. What a way to grow up, what a life!"
Ben had seen all sorts of beggars on the road, especially during the height of the war. He wondered if he should tell Felicity that there was a chance that the little girl had been taught to act especially helpless, and groomed to cower in fear. In the end, he decided to just try and steer her mind away. Of course, he knew that he had become desensitized to the plight of the desperately poor, and perhaps he should take a hint of kindness from Felicity.
He turned towards Felicity, who was securing Penny's rope to a tree to begin the preparations to bed down for the night. He decided to put her mind at ease, and to pledge to himself that he would do something to help. "There is a church in Richmond that devotes much time and money to aid in poor travelers. 'Twould be worth it to see and to donate money, if you feel you must help. I know that I will."
He stepped forward to secure Rosie's lead, and Felicity looked up at him as she was unbuckling the straps of her pack. "I would like that, yes."
At that point, the ever-present drizzle grew into a steady rain, the cold droplets soaking into the Earth. Ben hurried to prepare a small lean-to to stash their things underneath to avoid them getting wetter. As this process finished, Felicity quickly unrolled her bedding and scooted into it, not even pausing to loosen her stays. Ben watched her disappear into it as he prepared his own bedroll, then secured himself within and closed his eyes tight, hoping that sleep would faster bring a warm, dry morning.
His damp bedroll brought back memories of all the numerous times in which he would try to bed down for the night during the war. He knew that as miserable as the cold was, it did bring fatigue faster. He felt himself starting to drift off with the assurances to himself that the war was over, and he was camping out with the girl that he loved and would soon promise to marry.
The sudden sound of her whispered voice rang out. "Ben?" She called, and again. "Ben? Are you still awake?"
"I am." He whispered back. "Is everything alright?"
There was a second's pause. "Just a bit chilly. Are you sure we cannot have a fire?"
"Too damp." Replied Ben. "I'm sorry, Love. I've stashed some small firewood so that we might have one tomorrow morning if the rain stops."
He heard Felicity curse under her breath, and saw her shape change as she curled her knees up closer to her chest. "'Tis unfortunate that we do not have a dog to keep us warm. And, even more so that these bedrolls are too small to fit the both of us," she complained.
"Well," Ben thought quickly, coming to an obvious solution, "I think they can be buttoned together, can they not?"
There was a moment of silence from Felicity as she thought about the implications of this. He wondered if it had been too bold of a suggestion, but there was a slight giggle from her. "Of course we can try it, as there is no one here to stop us! But we will have to move quickly, the air is chilly!"
"Right." Ben agreed. They shuffled out of their respective bedrolls and Felicity got to buttoning the seams together so that it formed one double bedroll. Tucking themselves back into it proved to be a little awkward, but the end result was everything that Ben could've wanted and more. He and Felicity laid on their sides, facing each other for the briefest moment, before she rolled over to face away from him, scooting backwards so that her back was pressed against his stomach in a spooned position. She sighed happily, "Why did we not think about this earlier?"
"A severe oversight on our parts." Ben agreed, putting an arm around her and pulling her closer.
….
Ben woke up late the following morning, with the sun already positioned somewhere between ten and eleven o'clock in the bright morning sky. Sometime during the night he had shifted onto his back, and Felicity laid against him with her head upon his shoulder and an arm wrapped around his midsection. This brought him back to that one day long ago, when he and Felicity had lay together, just like this for the first time. He had felt whole and content at that moment, before realizing that Felicity had started to cry over the stress of calling it off with the physician.
And now, here we are. Who would have ever thought?
He gave Felicity a little squeeze, which roused her from her own light sleep. She let out a little hum and held Ben tighter.
He wanted to continue to lay here just like this, wrapped up closely with Felicity, just the two of them alone and anonymous together. But he knew that their time was drawing short. They would reach Richmond today if they made good time, then it was only a day and a half to Yorktown. He knew that they were likely at least a day ahead of his mother and father, but either his sisters Sarah or Charlotte would likely be at the house and they would no longer be alone. Then, his parents would arrive, and on to Williamsburg they would go. They would then be surrounded by his family, her family, her friends…all the people that had their questions and assumptions and expectations…..
While he knew in his heart that he was ready to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Merriman and for everything else that Williamsburg would bring, but he didn't know how Felicity would cope with being plunged back into the life she had left behind her. All of these factors weighed on his mind, and made him appreciate the moment's peace all that much more.
He watched her as she slept peacefully for a moment more, but he knew that they needed to get a move on. He picked up his free arm and tapped lightly on her freckled nose. "Lissie? Up and at 'em."
She sighed again and lazily opened her eyes, then smiling as she focused on Ben. "Good morning!" He said cheerily. "Did you sleep well?"
"Exceptionally." Felicity said, rubbing her eyes. "But now how do we get ourselves out of this?"
"Same way we got in." Ben said. "I'll go first." He scooted to the edge of the bedroll and sat up, then unbuttoned it partially so Felicity could follow.
Stashing away firewood proved to be a good practice, as the ground was just barely dry enough for a fire. And now that there was a fire going, there would be a hot breakfast. Ben fetched a pot of water from a nearby stream, and returned to see Felicity laying out the contents of the food pack. There were things they had purchased, like preserves, sweets, oranges, coffee and biscuits, things they had gathered including berries and onions, and things they had traded for like jerky and pemmican.
Felicity looked up at him as he placed the pot of water right into the fire. "Perhaps the pemmican can be turned into a stew? Can't say I've ever tried it before."
"I don't see where you would have." Ben replied. Pemmican was a rough substance, comprised of animal muscle, fat, and grease. It was eaten for sustenance, not for pleasure. It was considered to be a rare treat when he was in the army, as just a small amount of it would quell any hunger pangs for three whole days. But now, he regarded it suspiciously. Felicity had been thrilled to acquire it and excited to try it despite his reservations.
"Yes." She said mostly to herself. "I'll boil it with onions and rock salt, and we can have it with biscuits. Does that sound fine to you?" She looked at Ben, who was barely able to hide his grimace. In response, she grinned and tossed a stick at him. "Come on, just trust me! It will be great!"
Ben nodded slowly, amused by her enthusiasm but wondering how he was ever going to put down something as foul as pemmican stew. He reminded himself that Felicity was an excellent cook, and perhaps she would achieve the impossible.
He then pulled out their map and got to work calculating the route they would take that day, taking occasional glances in the direction of the cooking pot whenever he would hear Felicity curse under her breath. Finally she set back on her heels and tossed back her hands. "Not much more I can do with it. Don't blame you if you pass." She looked at him apologetically as he came closer, and peered into the pot. There was a layer of brown foam near the top, intermixed with chopped onions and other unknown floating debris. He took the spoon and stirred the deceptively thin contents, noticing an oily sheen clinging to the handle. Steam rose from the surface, filling Ben's nostrils with the smell of suet. He swallowed as to not be too overwhelmed.
"It's like nothing I've ever worked with before." Felicity said, a resigned tone to her voice, "It wouldn't cook, and then it suddenly broke and melted. I added a ton of salt, because I know at the very least, salt does well at masking foul flavors."
Ben was very thankful that Felicity had taken it upon herself to fix a hot and hearty meal, but at this moment, the best thing to do was to get this over with. He took a bowl and spooned some of the swampy brown liquid into it and waited for it to cool. Next to him, Felicity hesitated, then did the same.
Once it was cool enough to try, Ben mentally braced himself, then tipped the bowl back. It was not….well, it was not magnificent by any means, but it was not terrible either. It was all salt and grease, the kind of meal that a soldier would kill for in the dead of winter. He swallowed another mouthful, then turned towards Felicity. She was watching him expectantly, her nose wrinkled ever-so-slightly at the fact that he was managing to get it down. He shrugged. "Not bad at all."
Felicity took a sip and winced, glaring at her bowl as if the stew would know of her displeasure. "Not bad at all? Are you daft? It's completely awful!" She gasped.
Ben grinned. "Not sure what you were expecting from a concentrated lump of animal roughage."
"You like it?" Felicity looked at him incredulously.
"Well enough." Ben said. "It does what it needs to do. Any hardened traveler would be thankful for a meal like this." He gave her a pointed look before taking another mouthful.
Felicity took a deep gulp of it and cringed. She then leaned her head back and tipped the bowl towards her so that she might get it down as fast as possible. He noticed that her eyes were watering as her throat bobbed, and he burst into laughter at her efforts to get it over with. "Lissie, stop. You don't need to make yourself sick over this."
She didn't stop until the bowl was empty, putting it down with triumph as she placed a hand delicately over her mouth as if to keep her stomach down. "Tell me Benjamin, am I not a seasoned traveler by now?"
He noticed the corners of her mouth turning up slightly, and he grinned. "If I had any doubts before, and I promise you that I did not, this shows that you are indeed the most hardened of travelers."
Felicity wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and grinned triumphantly.
…
They were now a day out of Richmond, and since then there had been nothing but miles of tree-lined roads. Felicity continued to make sure that she was savoring every moment of it. There had been flickering thoughts where she had laid upon the ground and dreamed of a warm bed, bitten into a bit of cornbread and wished it were a freshly-baked roll, or felt the rain coming down and wanted to be indoors, sitting by a hearth. But all she had to do to quell these moments was to remind herself that in less than a week she would be back in Williamsburg, forced to adhere to the myriads of societal rules and customs. To add to this trouble, there were the clothes. She imagined tightly laced stays cinching down upon her waist, and the yards of starched petticoats that she would be susceptible to tripping over. To add to this, there was the prospect of actually seeing all of the people that had enforced these societal rules and restrictions. This was a whole other can of worms that she did not want to think about right now.
She let herself take a deep breath to rid of the nervous feeling that thoughts of Williamsburg provoked, feeling her lungs expand unrestricted and blew the breath out, very much unhindered. Her stays were still laced up of course, but only very loosely, providing support as she rode. This forest was sacred, and would not be sullied with unpleasant thoughts.
She glanced over at Ben, who was likewise still and quiet as he rode on. He met her gaze and smiled, tilting his face to the sky. "Lovely weather," was all he said before slipping back into silence.
Felicity grinned back at him as she wondered if he were having these same thoughts. Was he nervous about speaking with Mother and Father? The last time he had seen them was as they were banishing him away and back to Yorktown. But, they had both wished for him to return and seek out her hand, so….it was all terribly confusing.
She glanced over at Ben again, and saw no trace of nervousness about him. He was likely just enjoying the day, the ride, their surroundings as she was. She continued to watch him, studying his profile. He had made an attempt to shave the previous night, using a bowl of warm water, a small cake of soap, and his sharpened blade. "Sure brings back some pretty bad memories," he had said. When Felicity had asked why he bothered, he had simply said that his face itched.
Now, she couldn't deny that he looked as handsome as ever with a small bit of stubble. Although, it was a little disappointing to realize as they both laid together in their double bedroll that Ben was now rather uncomfortable to kiss due to the roughness of his face. Another cruel trick of nature!
Ben's voice took her away from her thoughts, "There is a fork in the road up ahead, and a sign!" He pointed at an object in the distance, and Felicity looked ahead. These signs served to point as directions to small villages, and often had maps, notes from travelers, advertisements. Felicity remembered her still new-found hobby of collecting heartfelt letters written by anonymous souls. She grinned, hoping there would be some sort of new insight to gain, a life to look into and speculate about. Having grown up in a decent-sized city, Felicity often wondered about everyday life in these quaint villages. The few towns they had passed by had been completely charming, and she wondered if this one was close enough to warrant a short detour.
They rode off the road to see about the sign, Felicity jumping down from Penny and leading her forward. Next to her, Ben did the same. It appeared rather busy, with small items and notes attached up and down the posts. Dried flowers and small crosses were scattered about the ground, almost as if it were a shrine of some sort.
A feeling of unease rose within Felicity as she walked closer, realizing that the name of the town was obscured by a second board of wood roughly nailed over it. She ran closer, and saw that the word QUARANTINED was painted in a large white script. Her eyes darted down to a notification pinned underneath, and read it aloud.
5 NOVEMBER 1782
BURROUGH OF RUTGERS GLEN
QUARANTINED TO STOP THE SPREAD OF TYPHOID FEVER EPIDEMIC
ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL
The notice was from November, nearly six months ago. Felicity's eyes darted back down to the various items littered at the base of the sign, realizing that the more fragile of them, the flowers and paper notes were in a state of decay. Was this town still under quarantine? When would the fever run its course? Was there no longer a soul left to remove the sign and alert the outside world that it was over? Her breath caught in her throat as she continued to stare at the notice.
"We had best continue on." Ben's soft voice came from beside her, as he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder.
"Right." Felicity replied, as she glanced ahead at the fork in the road, seeing the empty road that led to the doomed town. She squinted her eyes, trying to see beyond the ghost-like mist that covered the road in the distance.
Ben took her hand, and she let him lead her back to where Penny and Rosie were waiting.
….
"Don't look at me." Felicity commanded to Ben as he watched her, bewildered at her actions. She had previously been sprawled on the ground, stretching her toes and fingers as far away from one another as they could go. Now she had pulled her knees up to her chest and was rocking back and forth like a ladybug stuck upside down.
Then it clicked. "Is your back aching?" Ben asked. They had now been on the road for nearly two weeks with nary a complaint from Felicity. For someone who had only gone on rides no longer than an afternoon, Felicity had shown that she was indeed up for the challenge. He turned away, now realizing the extent of the stiffness in his own back.
"Aye, admittedly." Felicity said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her sit up and roll her shoulders back. "I swear, if Mother or Father or Nan saw me doing just that I'd be on my way to the asylum."
"We won't be on the road much longer, Love. Yorktown is only a day and a half away." Ben said, turning back to her with a smile. "It will be nice to stay in one place and just rest. We are likely a few days ahead of Mother and Father, so we can be complete layabouts. Won't it be grand?" He was already dreaming of a real bed, and real food, cooked indoors and served on a plate.
"Aye, it does sound grand." Felicity smiled at him, almost wistfully. She then sighed and examined her dirt-stained fingernails.
Ben sat down cross-legged in front of her. "Are you feeling alright? What is on your mind?"
Felicity shook her head. "I'm fine, absolutely fine. I just feel….different." Her face had taken on a thoughtful expression, "what is the word I am looking for? Perhaps strong? Yes. I remember you warning me that my back might start to ache, but it's nothing that cannot be fixed by a few ground-stretches. I feel healthy, and good, of the soundest mind and body. Like I could rest in Yorktown with you for a few fine days, then get on the road again and ride down to New Orleans!"
Ben whistled. "New Orleans. Would that be a thing!" He ignored the old, insecure pang in his chest that pointed out Felicity's failure to specify that she wished to travel to New Orleans with him. He pressed on. "The road to New Orleans is likely not as straightforward as the King's Highway. I'd advise you not to go alone."
"Of course not." Felicity said, flashing him a smile. "I am taking you with me. But I know that it is not to be, not at this time. We have our great destinies to meet. You must sail your way to Europe and make a name for yourself, and I must….," she faltered, smiling in spite of herself, "I must try to reacquaint myself with my hometown, and bridge the gap between the person I was when I left, and the person I am now as I return. I don't mean to sound dramatic about it, but it has been on my mind."
"Hmm." Ben considered her words, "You know your family better than anyone, and you also know yourself better than anyone. I think you just need to be yourself, and ensure your mother and father that you are capable of carrying full control of your life." He thought back to his own petulant and sullen behavior that he had put towards his father in the wake of his chronic spell of unemployment. He had read his father's reaction at that time as pure disappointment and disproval, but now he recognized there was worry that set above all else. Samuel Davidson had but wanted his only son to flourish.
"Of course. And I am fully prepared to do just that. It is just that…compared to the life I have lived these past two weeks, it is going to be very difficult to adjust to proper manners!" With that, Felicity stood up and brushed the dirt off her hands onto her equally-dusty skirts and gathered her pack. Ben followed her lead, and adjusted Rosie's saddle in preparation to getting back on the road.
They continued on in thoughtful silence, weaving their way through a group of nondescript travelers with smiles and greetings before moving through a comparatively empty stretch of road. The past three days had been warm and sunny, and Ben was thankful for it. Rain was all well and normal, but it did make everything rather inconvenient.
He glanced over at Felicity, noting that she too was enjoying the day despite her earlier complaints. A smile passed over his face as he realized that the brief two evenings of rain that they saw indeed had their good purpose, enticing them to button the two bedrolls together so that they may sleep in each-others arms. To Ben, it had felt so natural that he didn't know why they hadn't thought of it earlier.
Out here, there is no one to tell us that it is not proper.
And now, he didn't know how he was going to go back to sleeping alone. Maybe he too should cherish the short time they had left on the road before entering back into civilization.
His thoughts drifted once again towards Williamsburg, and more specifically, the difficulties that plagued Felicity in the weeks leading up to her departure. He hoped that his presence there with her helped to resolve a few issues, and if not, then he hoped at the very least he would take some of the blame off of her.
And that led him to a question that had flickered in and out of his mind on occasion.
"Lissie?" He asked, "may I ask you a question?"
Her brows knitted together, "Ask away."
"Will you be calling upon Elizabeth while we are Williamsburg?" He hoped that she took this question at its face value.
Felicity gave him a light smile. "I plan on it, yes. I wrote her a letter shortly before we left Philadelphia, informing her of our travels and telling her that I wish to see her."
Ben thought about how to ask this delicately, "Will that…will everything be okay between the two of you?"
Felicity frowned a little, thinking about it. "I imagine so, I mean that her letters towards me have been very reconciliatory. I also get the feeling that she is very lonely, and struggling to accept her new life. I hope to bring her some comfort."
Ben suddenly had the thought of the Elizabeth he had known years back, a timid, petite girl that hid in Felicity's shadow. While she had become onto herself as the years passed, he imagined that she did not deal well with change. And married to that blowhard physician, why, he could see perfectly that there would be some issues. He suddenly felt deep sympathy for poor Elizabeth.
"Ben?" Felicity's voice broke him out of his sympathy, "Would you please keep what I have told you in confidence? I'm sure that Elizabeth only meant those words for me."
"Of course." Ben said.
They walked in silence for a few more minutes, before Felicity spoke up. "What about you? Will you be calling on any friends back in Williamsburg? Walter or Will perhaps? I wouldn't mind seeing those two again!" She grinned, presumably full of memories.
"I do plan on seeing Will of course, but Walter is not in Williamsburg at this time. Or at least I don't think he is." Ben said, thinking back to the news he had hear from Will.
"Oh yes…," Felicity said slowly, trailing off, "I remember that I had gone to seek him out, but he had left and his uncle would not tell me where he had gone. Ben-," her expression had gone to worry, "Did you ever find out his whereabouts?"
"Get this," Ben gave Felicity a half-smile, "Will told me that Walter had up and left with no warning, and no trace. Everyone was just as confused as you were. Then, three months later the family gets a note from Walter, saying that he took off for the western frontier. Can you imagine?" He shook his head and grinned at Felicity.
He had expected Felicity to be awed at this news, but she only looked confused. "He just up and left? Where exactly was his letter postmarked from?"
"Ah, I don't know. Will did not say in his letter." Ben replied.
"You did not ask?" Felicity said, her brows knitting together.
Ben sighed, knowing what Felicity was getting at. "I did not. I had other things on my mind-," he knowingly nodded at Felicity, "-and Will explicitly mentioned that Walter was happy. So I'll take that at face value."
"Well, what do you think he is doing?" Felicity pressed him.
Ben shrugged. "I rightly don't know, of course. Maybe he is stationed at some fort along the Cumberland Gap, and taken a native girl to be his bride. How can I know, Lissie?"
"Do…do you have a wish to know?" Felicity looked almost hurt, "Like Elizabeth, Walter is too a childhood friend of yours! I would most certainly wish to know!"
"I do." Ben responded quietly, now giving the matter some coherent thought. "But, 'tis very complicated. In his letter, Will alluded to the thought that Walter was having some difficulties with what he experienced fighting in the war. I know that he saw quite a bit more action than I did…, so much death and carnage. We traded stories and I was always so shocked at how calmly he spoke about it all. I always marveled at his strength of character, and now I know that he too had a limit. It….," Ben paused, "It perhaps makes a great deal of sense that he began to find ordinary life in Williamsburg unbearable. So he wished for a few life, and took to the wilderness and the quiet that it brings. I am surprised, yes. But it is possible to keep the more raging internal thoughts from escaping to the outside world."
Felicity was silent for a moment more. "Aye, now it all makes sense to me. I apologize for my callousness. I hadn't thought about it." She swallowed heavily, her throat bobbing. "The carnage. I remember reading the confirmed list of dead, every single day. There were so many names that I cannot even begin to think about the vast number that could not be identified. And I was living a relatively comfortable, safe existence. I just cannot imagine." She shuddered. "And Walter always seemed just fine, so in-control of his life. I hadn't any clue he was suffering."
"He was a good confidant and a voice of reason to me." Ben gave her a reassuring smile. "I hope you understand that the last thing I want to do is to go poking around in search of Walter's new life. Perhaps seeing me, and my connections to that terrible time would shatter any peace that he has found. Of course I would be happy to receive any letters or words by other means from him, but I leave it up to him."
Felicity suddenly looked as though she were going to cry. Ben swallowed thickly as he mentally buried all of the childhood friends that had gone missing in the war, and hoped with all his heart that Walter was indeed happy, wherever he was.
….
The two of them made their final camp a little earlier than usual, with the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees. By Ben's estimate, they were only about thirty miles from Yorktown and there was no need to push further on. Setting up the camp was now a daily ritual, as Felicity unpacked and unfurled the bedrolls and supplies for supper as Ben prepared a lean-to shelter and a campfire.
Felicity was arranging equal portions of biscuits and jerky as she watched Ben carefully strike a bit of flint to start the initial flame. "Now that I think about it, perhaps you should have let me start the campfire and prepare the shelter while you organized dinner," she commented.
"Hm." Ben sat back on his heels as he studied the growing flame, "perhaps, yes. This is all a good skill to have, but perhaps you should have spoken up earlier." He grinned at her. "Were you hoping that I would organize and divide up the food?"
"I'm afraid 'tis not a difficult task." Felicity looked down upon their rather meager food rations. By now, she knew that one thing was certain, that anytime she and Ben got ahold of new supplies, they paid no mind to rationing, instead choosing the short term pleasure of eating like royalty and leaving the scraps for the following days.
"It all looks decent enough to me." Ben smiled at her. "We will be eating well tomorrow night, remember? We can prepare some hot water for tea and also peel the figs that you gathered just yesterday."
They settled down for their simple supper, and soon the evening descended with the damp chilliness that Felicity was now fully accustomed to. She clutched her mug of tea, letting the feel of the hot metal permeate the roughened skin on her hands. Next to her, Ben set his mug down and took a flask of rum out of his pocket.
Just the sight of it made Felicity's stomach churn with the memories of her rum-soaked walk with Ben. But, she took a deep breath and willed the physical discomfort away, wanting to be able to remember the night with happiness.
Ben held out the flask to Felicity, but she merely grinned and shook her head. He took a swig of it as she tried to hold back her noticeable grimace. He replaced the cap with an apologetic expression in response to her discomfort, "Still can't bear the thought of it? I'm rather disappointed," he joked.
"I don't think I can ever bear the taste of it again," she admitted. "Perhaps that is a good thing."
Ben merely gave her a sympathetic look.
As the fire died down, the two of them retreated into their double bedroll for the night. Felicity knew that she was not yet tired, but lying in Ben's arms for what would likely be the last time in the ever-distant future took precedence.
"Ben?" She spoke up as she rested her head upon his shoulder, "I want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to travel like this across the vast land. I really…I always imagined doing this, being so wild and free but I never had a cohesive plan to do so. This has been all so…so perfect."
"Of course, love. But, were you not planning on stealing away to Philadelphia without your parents' blessing?" Ben reminded her, an amused lit to his voice.
"In my half-crazed state, perhaps!" Felicity said. "Truly though, thank you for taking me. This ride has been a challenge, and I am thankful that you trusted and believed in me. For all you know, I could have made your life miserable this whole time!"
"I knew who I was asking." Ben said. "I can't imagine taking the same journey with Nan, or even William. I know for sure they would be miserable and easily letting on to it!"
Felicity knew that Ben was joking, but she decided to give it some thought. "In all honestly, I'm pretty sure Nan would bear it with calmness. She doesn't like to let on that she is feeling discomfort or weakness. I'm sure she would ride tall with a smile even while covered in grime, denying a severe saddle-sore affliction! But I'm sure she would try to avoid the situation to begin with."
She then imagined William, who was all too prone to loudly and repeatedly voice his discomfort. She was about to open her mouth and proclaim this, but Ben spoke up first. "You are smiling. Is it because you are looking forward to seeing your siblings again?"
"I am." Felicity was suddenly inundated with memories of dear Nan, William, and Polly, and she felt a deep thrill within her belly at the thought that she would be seeing them within the week.
"I too am looking forward to seeing them again. It's been far too long." Ben mused. "I am also looking forward to greeting your mother and father again. Perhaps I will start feeling nervous as I stand in front of the Merriman home, but for now, I am looking forward to it all."
Felicity's thoughts went to Mother and Father, and she paused as she considered her feelings upon seeing them again. She did miss them, and there was a deep desire in her heart for them both to welcome her back to her childhood home with smiles and embraces. But, whether or not she would get it was of great uncertainty. She remembered the constant, deep disproval written on her mother's face that had been a constant fixture the entire year leading up to her departure, and hoped that the time apart would heal that. She was to be married to a fine young man, one that her family had known for years, and now had a respectable job and a promising future! That had to count for something, right? Isn't that what her mother and father always wanted for her?
"Ben?" She spoke up again, hoping to voice her concerns on the matter.
Her reply was merely a half-conscious "hm?" from Ben. Despite their decision to retire early so that they may take this last opportunity to lay in each others' arms and talk, Ben had up and fallen asleep.
Felicity smiled and put an arm around his midsection, holding him tighter. She then made the decision that there was only one direction in life to go, and that was forward. Tomorrow she and Ben would arrive in Yorktown, and then a day or two later would travel on to Williamsburg. This, in conjunction with their journey through the wilderness was all but one great big journey, and she knew she would continue to face whatever came next with courage and love and truth to who she was.
…
A/N:
1) Long time between updates! I got a new job that has very different hours, and now I find that my new sleeping schedule conflicts with my peak writing hours. Hopefully I'll adjust to it all soon.
2) This chapter is inspired by my own solo travels across the United States and abroad. It's a big world out there.
3) Next up, back to civilization and manners and decent beds!