Chapter 24: Risk

RPOV

~*~
Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me
~*~

Normally after hunting I would run straight to Jake. But today he was patrolling, so me and Emmett performed our hunt like we used to all those years. Hunt the same prey, drink it together while watching each other, getting incredibly turned on and then pounding the other right there on the forest floor. It was nice and familiar, I could tell that he missed our sexual closeness as well.

He wasn't frustrated, he still got plenty, and he wasn't jealous either, he never gave me a hard time about Jake. Emmett is the kind of guy that just goes with what he feels, and he's actually glad that now I'm doing the same for once. Chasing the pup.

In fact, I even get the impression he's encouraging me.

"So Rose, what's with the patrolling lately?"

We lay on the ground, not dressing yet as we would probably start a second round in a few. These things were agreed without words, just a look or simple mutual understanding.

"What do you mean?"

"He is working pack shifts a lot. You had a fight or something?"

"No. Surprisingly enough we haven't had a fight in a while. I guess he's just catching up on his duties, he's been slacking a bit before," I grinned, remembering the times he lay in my arms saying 'screw the pack'.

"Hmmm," Emmett grunted. He wasn't convinced.

I lay on my side to look at him. At my beautiful man, my companion.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if he found his soul mate. If I could do without him. Right now I don't think I could. Fun with Jake or not. Butterfly belly aches or not.

"Are you avoiding each other?" he suddenly asked after a very long pause. I was startled.

"No, why would we be avoiding?"

"Hell, how could I know," he chuckled, often making fun of my complicated nature, "it just seems like that to me."

He's mostly right though, when he feels something. He got me thinking.

Me and Jake did talk less lately, and he did patrol more. But that doesn't have to mean anything, does it?

"Maybe we're growing tired of each other?" I tried.

This is what I had been expecting. An exciting fling. A side effect from trusting each other with the hurt and pain. Me getting over my Royce memory and him getting over Bella. Maybe we didn't need each other anymore once the worst was over.

"I don't believe that, Rose. I think you're in love with him but holding back."

"Oh master analyst, how do you figure that?" I rolled my eyes playfully at him.

"I can't explain. Just my two cents." I thought he wouldn't be able to explain. Feelings and words are two worlds apart. He continued however.

"The thing I wonder about is, why would you be holding back? The pup is obviously smitten, and you do the whole I don't care act. Which is totally fake, you might be complicated but I know you that well."

"But you don't know him. How can you tell he's smitten?"

"Aw come on Rose. He worships the ground you walk on. If you snap your fingers, he comes running."

"He's hung up on the sex, he was a virgin before, remember. I kinda rocked his world," I said pretty pleased with myself.

He simply shook his head, not agreeing with me.

"If that's true Rose, he'd be chasing every pussy in town, finally realizing what he's been missing."

"Maybe he does."

"Is that why you're holding back? You don't trust him?"

"I do trust him. But we are not each other's property. We never said anything about being exclusive, I'm here with you aren't I?"

"Yes. And maybe you shouldn't."

"What?"

"I'm not complaining Rose. If you want it, I give it to you. But if I were him, I wouldn't be too pleased with this. You say he might be sleeping around, but you know damn well that he isn't and you wouldn't like it either."

We never talked about this, but I did know that Jake was hurt by me sleeping with Emmett. I just figured that's how it is.

"Are you saying that you and me shouldn't sleep together anymore?"

"Hell no!" Emmett said, rolling on top of me and kissing my neck, "I just thought that you would be considering it by now."

"He's not my boyfriend." I stated, stubbornly.

"Sure he's not," he said, kissing his way up to my ear and I tilted my head, although not really into it. This conversation was making me think of things I hadn't considered before.

Emmett saw that it wasn't working and leaned back again.

"Give me one good reason not to go for him. And don't come near me with the werewolf puppy crap. I know that's bullshit. I'm talking good reason here. Convince me."

I did have one hell of a reason. And I took a deep breath to say it out loud.

"Imprinting."

He slowly nodded, letting the meaning of that sink in.

"Did you tell him that?"

"No. Wouldn't change a thing."

He was silent after this. Looking for ways to get around it. But there were none. There's no way in hell that you can avoid imprinting, I can't keep him from meeting new girls for all eternity. So it would be the same story all over again. Me waiting for my man to find his one and true love...

Only this time my heart was really on the line, unlike with Emmett.

This was way too dangerous, and I wasn't going for it.

So yeah, maybe Emmett was right. Maybe I was holding back.

With good reason.

Suddenly I wasn't in the mood for making out anymore. At all.

I started collecting my clothes and putting them back on. Emmett just watched me, without interfering, but when I was done, he pulled me back against him and wrapped his arms around me.

"It's not a good reason, Rose," he simply said.

"It is. I'm not…" I started but he interrupted me.

"You're never sure, with whomever you choose. Any guy can fall for someone else and run off, not just when he imprints."

"And how is that helping me?"

"Just… It's always a risk and most people agree that it's worth taking. If you don't think so, then you might as well give up on the whole idea of love in the first place."

"And your point?"

"You can't be serious Rose. You don't want to stay alone forever."

"I'm good this way. I'm not alone."

"I won't be here forever," he sighed.

"I'll find another just like you."

Emmett took another deep breath, I knew he was losing his patience, but showing it would have backwards effect with me.

He slowly continued "you found someone better than me. You're in deep already, whether you want to or not. Why not take the leap and I'll be here to catch you if you should fall. You'll regret if you don't."

"Everything is so simple for you, Emm," I said exasperated.

"It is simple. It's not easy, I know that, but it is simple."

We lay like that, silent, just holding each other. I listened to the silence in his chest, thinking about Jake's heartbeat. The sun started to go down, and the sounds in the forest were changing. We had no place to be, except here in each other's arms. No place but one maybe.

At last I heard him taking in a breath and he said: "You're not going to do it, are you? Take the risk."

"No," I simply answered.

"I understand." His arms wrapped tighter around me and I was glad he stopped pushing.

For now at least. I wasn't ready.

AN: I bet Emmett surprised you there.