So sorry for how long it had been since the last time I had wrote! Things have been a little crazy! But it is summer so it should be better now! Hey today is my birthday a.k.a June 12th (:

BPOV

I know I was supposed to feel good about saying what I needed to say to him, but I still didn't feel happy that I had to say those things, I wish he would of never of ended up hurting me, I thought he was going to end up being a true friend… why can't anyone just turn out good? I'm so sick of hearing excuses for people who hurt others; there isn't a damn excuse for it.

Looking back and my life from three years; to now, is insane, the way things have changed… I never would have seen myself being a teen rape mother. Of course I would of never of chosen to have a child from rape. Yes I know the possibility of it still being angels is high, but she could still been conceived because of a rape from a horrible man. I wanted so much more for my child; I know Aria will still have an amazing mother and father even if Angel isn't her father, but I am still only seventeen. I don't know how to do this, how will I be a mother! I feel the hot steamy tears run down my face. She will be born in such a cruel world and I can't save her from the dangers of this hurtful world.

I'm sitting on this plane crying my eyes out because I know longer know what to do. I just needed things to be right and nothing felt right anymore. People that I trusted and loved have done such horrible things. I didn't want to deal with any of this anymore. How could people be so cruel? What makes them steep down to that level? I don't understand. The first question that keeps going through my mind is, how can someone rape another person? Why? What's the reasoning in the sick mind that allows that to be okay? Second question is how in the hell can someone laugh about that? Joke around as if it was okay? As if someone didn't get horribly damaged in the process. People think that I don't deal with it anymore; they think that in seven damn months I can get over something like that? Hell no! I think about it all the time, I feel as if my chest is giving in. I have nightmares of it happening all over again, and for someone to think that is funny. How is that possible? I just don't understand.

"Baby, are you okay? What's wrong?" I hear Angel say as he wakes up.

"I just don't understand…" I say to him and I feel the tears run down my face harder and harder.

"Understand what?" he asks.

"How could someone be so cruel?" I asked as I look at him.

"Oh sweetheart." He says as he wraps his arms around me and I start to cry harder into his chest.

"How… is being raped…. So damn… funny?" I sob out.

"It isn't funny. It's horrible, what he said wasn't okay. But he isn't worth your tears; I hate looking into your beautiful blue eyes and see them so sad. I want to see my fiancé happy! Baby he isn't worth your tears." He said to me as he kissed my forehead.

"It's not only that, how could some rape another person? I don't get how someone could be so sick that it could be okay in their mind? I feel as if he ruined my life? How am I supposed to just move on? It's been seven months! I have a baby girl on the way; I don't wanna feel so sad…" I say crying out loud.

"You don't have to force yourself to be happy! You need to learn how to move on and learn how to get passed such a horrible experience, yes we have a baby girl on the way, but that doesn't mean you're going to forget everything that has happened in the last year, you're not going to ever be able to do that! It takes time! It takes a lot of working through what scares you and your difficulties. I know you feel as if you can't trust anyone right now, but adventally people will prove that not everyone is as bad as the others, there are amazing people out there! You just have to find them. And baby girl you're so damn amazing I know very well you will do amazing! People will love you! I love you with everything I have! It will get better!"

"Please don't ever leave me." I say to him crying.

"Oh beautiful, I won't ever leave you. Even if I wanted to I couldn't, I love you." He says as he kisses my lips sweet and softly, it felt wonderful, but I was still really upset. I still have no idea what to do.

"Sleep my angel." He said to me and I laid my head down on him and cuddled close and closed my eyes.

APOV

I knew she a lot of things were wearing down on her, but I had no idea it was this bad. She needs someone to talk to other than me, someone she has always felt close and connected too. I think I know exactly who to call. I dialed Jayson's number.

"Hello" he answers.

"Hey this is Angel." I say to him with concern.

"Is everything okay?" he asked

"I'm not sure, I really don't think so, Buffy just really needs someone that she can rely on and someone she trusts, some pretty rough stuff has just taken place and I don't want her to be so sad, especially not carrying a baby, it's not good for the both of them. Do you think you could be there by tonight? I'll buy the plane ticket." I asked him.

"Yes I can." He said

"Thank you so much, I really think this will help." I said to him.

"I'm always happy to help. I'll see you tonight." I said to him.

I hated seeing her so sad, I knew a lot had changed and I wanted things to get better for her more than anything, her and the baby needed to be happy. It was bad for the baby to be so stressed. I didn't want anything bad to happen. I love them both so much. She was sleeping right now but I knew she still had a lot going on in her head that wasn't good, she's had depression problems in the past and then with all the hormones that are going on in her body right now, I know it's going to hard.

"Hey man" Tyler said to me looking at Buffy with concern, her face was stained with makeup from her tears.

"Hey." I say quietly, I still wasn't too sure about Tyler; he had also hurt Buffy so bad in the past. I knew he had claimed that he had changed and is a better person but a lot of people say that kind of stuff, and it never actually turns out to be true.

"Is she alright?" he asked me.

"No not really." I told him.

"What's going on?" he asked me.

"She's stressed out and hurt." I said to him.

"I'm sure… I missed her so much, I regret everything. I missed out on so much of her life; all I had to do was stop doing the drugs that was ruining mine." He said to me and he looked so ashamed.

"Do you love her?" I asked. I had to know.

"Of course I love her, I used to love her more than a friend but the way I see her with you there's no point, I just want her in my life." He said to me and I felt better about him.

"She's the best thing that has ever happened to me." I said to him

"She's amazing." He said looking at her with a smile.

….

We finally landed and we were home, I woke Buffy up so I could get her home, I knew she was very sad and upset. We were sitting in the car on the way home and I noticed her staring at her stomach and looking as if there was something special going on in her head.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't help but to ask.

"My baby girl." She says. "I can't wait until I get to see my baby girls face." She said quietly with a sad voice.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" I asked her.

"What if I'm not a good mom?" she asked as she looked at me with sad blue eyes.

"How could you even question that? You're going to be amazing." I say to her but I knew just saying it wasn't going to help anything right now, she was in a critical stage with all the hormones and emotions that she had no control over right now.

"I just wanna go home and go to sleep." She said and looked out the window.

"Were almost home." I tell her and I hug her to me.

It didn't take us long to get to the house and I see Jayson waiting outside, he looked very worried. I hadn't exactly came up with a plan on what to say to Buffy. I didn't know how she would react to seeing him. I knew it was what she needed but that didn't mean she was going to be happy with me for calling him. She looked up to see him and she looked a little relieved. Thank god she didn't get upset with me for calling. All I ever want is things to be okay for her, I hate seeing her so sad and unhappy, it makes me unhappy, we just got engaged and she can't be happy because other people had interfered and made me life coming crashing down, and I only wanted things to get better from here on.

I will never be able to describe the connection she has with him, it's like he's her older brother or something, and I can't put it in words on how he affects her. All I know is that I'm glad he can always be there for her.

She got out of the car and didn't even say a word to him; she just hugged him and started crying. She was breaking and I couldn't take seeing her like this anymore. I had no idea what to do anymore, I couldn't help anymore. All I hope is that he can.

"Hey hey now, what's going on?" he asked as he hugged her back.

"Everything is falling apart; I don't understand how people can be so wrong and cruel to other people. Why do people do things that that? Why can't you just put your trust in people and they keep the promise a friend should? I don't understand." She sobbed out, knowing to him it made no sense but he wasn't going to push her to tell him what is wrong.

"And I'm having a baby and I have no idea how to be a mom, I'm seventeen. How do I do this? All I know is I feel so sad inside. I just want it all to go away." She cried out and nearly fell to her knees but he caught her.

I couldn't see the love of my life stand here and cry so hard, I was helpless in this situation; there was nothing I could say or do to make anything better. All I wanted was to make her happy and in that way I couldn't fulfill the way I wanted too. She wasn't happy and at this moment I had no idea how to make her happy. I was worried that she wasn't going to be okay. She had been keeping in a lot of sadness for awhile now. That is never good. I know that from experience. Depression can take over so fast, it's insane, but I knew she needs someone who would know what to do, so that is why I called Jayson. And I needed to know now what he was going to do to help. I couldn't stand to see her fall apart anymore.

"Okay sweetheart, I got an idea. We're going to go somewhere and I want you to let it all go. Okay? Trust me okay?" he said to her and she nodded slowly.

"We will be back later." He told me and looked at me with certainty that he did know what he was doing and I felt better inside.

BPOV

I don't know what to do from here, I feel so confused. People have been so horrible. How can someone go on? How do you let go? I just want to let go so bad. That is what I needed to do, but I can't simply understand how to let go. I'm glad Jayson is here but I don't know what to tell him. Nothing would make any difference on what has happened.

We were in the car and I didn't exactly know where we were going. We were in the country is what it looked like. It was beautiful and peace full. It made the tears stop. But it didn't make the pain go away.

We arrived to this cliff overlooking the ocean, I didn't know what we were doing here, I was pregnant I could jump off the cliff to relieve any stress. He knew that. He got out of the car and walked around to look off the cliff; I got out and walked to him.

"What are we doing here?" I asked him.

"You needed somewhere you could feel free, and one place I always knew you felt free is Whitney, though I know we can't go to Whitney, but this is pretty close, now would you like to explain what is going so wrong? Let it all out." He said to me and I took a deep breath and began to tell him.

"I had a very close friend to me say some horrible things and I just don't understand how some can seep so low to be so cruel to someone? He thought it was funny, he thought everything I had dealt with was funny as if it was some damn joke. What the hell kind of person laughs about that kind of things happening to someone? It's not funny! It doesn't sound cool coming out of their mouth. What makes people so cruel? I feel as if I can't trust anyone anymore, all I can picture is everything going wrong for trusting someone." I said.

"And how can someone seep so low to rape another person? How sick in the head can someone get, someone screaming for them to stop but nothing stops them! They laugh at another person's fright and pain, it's not funny. None of the things that have happened to me are okay and I keep pretending like they are and I don't know how to actually go on from here. I'm pregnant with a baby that might not even be angels and I've never been a mom! How in the world will I be able to do this? How will I explain to my child that her mother nearly got killed from the man who conceived her and raped me also and that is how she was brought up to this world! How in the hell am I going to be able to do that? I'm already a bad mother! I keep thinking there was some way I could have stopped him, there had to of been some way. There just had to of been some way" I cried out and fell to my knees and he was there holding me in seconds. I sobbed into his shoulder.

"This was not your fault! Do you understand me! You had no damn control over what that sick man done! You couldn't of stopped him! and if you could of you would have! People are horrible and there is nothing you can do about that! All these things you have no control over and you will never have any control over any of them, things will happen, good and bad. You have to learn how to deal with the bad things for you can look up for the good. That guy was not worth your friendship. Your one amazing person and people who are okay with treating you like that are not worth your time at all and there is nothing you can do! And of course you have never been a mother, but that doesn't mean you won't be a wonderful one, because I think you will be one great mother to your baby girl, yes she might have been brought up the worst way but out of one horrible experience you got one damn good thing out of it and it would be her, she will love you more than anything and you already love her, stop being so scared, life is life, and you have one amazing fiancé that is so worried about you, he looked like he was going to break down crying watching you cry! Remember the people who love you so much! I love you so much! You can trust us, were not going anywhere. Cry, scream, and kick if you have to just get it out. Right now yell as loud as you can!" he said to me and I stood up and just yelled as loud as I can.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I yelled at the top of my longs and it felt amazing to let that kind of stress out.

"SCREAM something you want to see go away! Let it all go!" he yelled at me again.

"NO MORE PRETENDING! NO MORE KEEPING IT IN! NO MORE! I WILL PROVE HIM WRONG I WILL BE A DAMN GOOD MOTHER TO MY BABY. I HAVE A WONDERFUL SOON TO BE HUSBAND AND I DON'T NEED THEM, I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED, I AM CAPABLE OF LOVE, I AM CAPAPLE OF GOOD THINGS! I AM ME!" I yelled as loud as I could. For once in awhile it felt good.

"Good, that is exactly what I wanted to here; everything you just said was true, you are worth it! Your one amazing person and you should know that! There shouldn't be any secret of that!

a.n yes this was a very sad chapter but I really just needed some stress relief, I have a confession… a lot of the things that have happened in my story have happened to me, yes I change a lot! And I mean a lot but there are still things that have happened in here have happened to me too, and girls if you have been raped before I want you to know do not act as if it didn't happen, it is the worst thing you can do. Let it all out, yell, scream, cry, kick, punch, sing do it all! It helps…

Please I would really like some reviews it would make me happy

Love you guys! 3