Chapter 25
Chapter 25
A/N: Thanks to all my loyal reviewers – bloodnoir, rorowes, msewgiamn372, sobeidahalecullen, and RosalieLillianHaleCullen22 – you are all awesome!! Hope you are enjoying your sneak peeks! Thanks also to my silent readers for sticking with my story. If you have time, I would love to hear what you think!
Now, on with the story…
JPOV (Jasper)
It had been two days since Carlisle had removed that cursed tube. I know he said it would be about a week before he would release me and allow me to hunt on my own, but I was getting very impatient.
The human blood that was traveling through the tube down my throat was not only healing my injured body, but was also feeding my inner monster. I could see my reflection in Alice's eyes, and I noticed the dark crimson color my eyes had become. They mirrored what I was feeling down deep inside, dark and sinister.
Three times each day, Carlisle would come to check on my progress. It was taking every ounce of strength I had, to hold my body still while he examined me. My patience was almost non-existent, and I found myself thinking things that were definitely not from my usual personality.
Then Carlisle would replace the drained bag with a fresh one, and the monster inside me would laugh knowing that it was getting stronger and would soon be able to control me. This frightened me more than anything else. I didn't want to go back to allowing the monster free reign.
Denying my blood lust in the past had always been a difficult thing for me and occasionally I would slip. I was beginning to fear that by the week's end, I would be so full of human blood that I would never be able to feed on animals again.
I realized with great sadness, that I would have to leave my family. They had so willingly taken me in, even with my weaknesses. But I couldn't risk destroying everything they had built.
Oh crap! I would have to find a way to leave my Alice! She was not meant to live like a monster. I would not let that happen!
My body began to shudder with the dry sobs of my dead heart. Alice instantly noticed my change of demeanor and was at my side.
"What is it, Jazz? What's wrong?"
She was about to call Carlisle to come back and help me, when her eyes glazed over. I tried to take some deep breaths to get my sobbing under control while I waited out her vision.
When her eyes opened, her gaze met mine. The depth of her sadness told me she had just seen my decision to leave.
"Alice, I…please…you know how much I love you…I can't…"
She placed her fingers on my lips and shook her head.
"Jasper, I will not let you leave me behind. You are a part of me, of everything I do. I can't survive without you."
I closed my eyes. My entire being was soaking up her words of unconditional love. The monster deep inside me sneered and reminded me of her disappointment the last time I slipped. I do not want to see that look on her face again, knowing that I was the one that put it there. I had to leave before I hurt her, my one true love.
"Alice, it kills me to know I have to leave. But I couldn't handle seeing the regret in your eyes…when…"
She put her hands on either side of my face and lifted it until my eyes were forced to look into hers.
"Jasper, listen to me very carefully. If I live every moment until the end of time, I will never regret having you beside me. You are not leaving me or this family!"
I watched as she took in a long, deep breath before continuing her rant.
"I will keep you restrained to this bed forever and feed you through this tube every day if needed, but I will not let you walk out on me!"
Then without another word, she walked over to the counter and grabbed the container of ointment. I could tell from the strong expression on her face, that the subject was closed.
I would have to find a different way to keep her from being hurt. Somehow, I would have to find a way to deny the bloodlust and control my monster.
Would I have to stay in these restraints for the rest of eternity?
I was concentrating so hard, I didn't notice that Alice had removed the sheet providing me with privacy. I gasped for air, startled when I felt her hand grab my still very sensitive shaft. I raised my head and looked at her. She was giving me a smirk as she ran her fingers slowly, up and down my length. My body instantly responded to her touch. I took a ragged breath as my fists clenched and my arms pulled against the straps restraining them to the bed. It was killing me to not be able to touch her, to hold her in my arms.
"Alice…please…"
"See? You would miss me way too much, if you left. Your body needs me, just like I need you."
She bent down slowly, and gently placed her lips on my stomach. She peppered the skin with soft, butterfly kisses. I let out a deep breath of air that I hadn't realized I had been holding. She lifted her head and looked me straight in the eyes, smiling.
"Please try to relax, Jazz. I am just going to put some numbing gel on the parts that are still healing. I don't want you in anymore pain, you've been through enough."
I watched as she gently spread some of the ointment on my tip where the stitches were. It was still somewhat tender, and uncomfortable for it to be touched at all. I pressed my head back down into the pillow, trying to hold back the growls that were building in my chest.
Her soft touch moved down my leg and came to a stop just above my ankle. My body trembled as her fingers grazed the inside of my upper thigh on their way down. This time a low growl rumbled from my chest, but it was not out of pain. It was quite obvious she intended to keep reminding me of what I would be giving up if I decided to leave her. Her plan was working, as I am sure she could feel the lust that was emanating from me.
A hiss escaped my lips, when her fingertips touched the tender spot on my ankle. It was almost completely healed physically, but the emotional injury was still very raw. I kept my eyes on her fingers as they gently spread the ointment on the tender area. I could feel the numbing sensation begin to replace the sparks from the awakened nerve endings.
My eyes watched her movements as her hands moved over to my other leg and slowly began to loosen the straps binding it to the bed. I could feel my forehead creasing as the expression of confusion spread across my face.
She paused only for a moment, before removing the last restraint. I realized she had been checking the future, making sure I would not fight her.
How could she doubt me? I would never hurt her!
Hurt filled my eyes as I realized that I must have given her a reason to not trust me. Now she could do anything to this body, there was no way I would resist her. I had to prove to her how much I loved her.
"Jazz, are you okay? Don't worry, if it hurts too much just tell me and I'll stop. Carlisle mentioned that your muscles would start to ache from lying in the same position for so long, and I volunteered to massage and exercise them for you. He said it would be okay to start today, but I can wait…"
She must have felt my anxiety and pain and misunderstood.
"No, my angel, your touch is heavenly. I was just wishing I could…Ahhh…you have no idea how hard it is to have you so close to me and not be able to reach out and hold you."
I could hear her soft chuckle as she began her task. Her gentle hands lifted my leg slightly off of the bed, bending at the knee.
She was right. It felt so good to move my joints into a different position after keeping them locked one way for so long. My other leg began to shake with the urge to copy the movement of the other.
"Please, Alice, I won't try to escape. I promise…I just need to move my other leg."
She smiled the most angelic of smiles, and placed a soft kiss on my knee to offer comfort.
"Patience, Jazz. I am going to help you relieve some of this tension, but we need to take it slow."
She spread some ointment on the tender spot just below my knee. Then grasping my entire leg with both hands, she began to massage the aching muscles deep inside. Her grip expertly tightened and flexed all of the muscles from my hip joint down to my toes.
Once all of the knots had been successfully worked out, she began to knead every inch of skin, stimulating the nerve endings even more. While I was sure this was to promote the healing, I was very grateful for the numbing ointment she had applied to the injured spot.
The tingling sensations everywhere else were intense enough. I am sure I would not have enjoyed the feeling of those nerve endings being awoken like this.
I watched as she slowly moved my leg back and forth, bending and straightening first at the knee then higher at the hip working the stiffness out of both joints. I winced a few times, when the stretching pulled against the areas that were still healing.
Each time, she would pause and let me take a small break before continuing. She would always ask me if I was okay, then would check for the answer herself instead of letting me tell her. I just nodded and smiled, encouraging her to continue. Finally when she was assured that my muscles were sufficiently taken care of, she began to repeat the process with my other leg.
Carlisle made one of his rounds, while she was massaging the muscles in my calf. He went about his regular examination of my body, ignoring the fact that my lower body was now completely free from its restraints. I focused on keeping my breathing even and the monster subdued that was trying to convince me to fight now that I had a better chance.
They sure trust my ability for self-control.
I was brought out of my thoughts, when I heard Carlisle speaking to Alice. Their words were so soft I could barely make them out. I did hear some of their conversation, and it sounded like Carlisle wanted to remove my feeding tube. Alice was hesitant, not sure if she wanted me free to hunt on my own, fearing I would leave her and the family without the restraints keeping me here.
I guess Alice won, because Carlisle left the room and walked back upstairs. I just took some deep breaths, not knowing what to say. I was frustrated at not being released from these straps, but relieved that I would not have to face fighting the bloodlust for a few more days. I still had not thought of way to keep from endangering Alice and the family that didn't involve me leaving.
Alice's gaze met mine, and I knew from her expression she saw that I still hadn't changed my mind. She was upset with me, and I couldn't blame her. After all, it was me that was filling her head with visions of my departure. I just hadn't thought of another way, yet.
"Just remember what I said, Jasper. I am willing to keep you strapped to this bed for as long as it takes, until you change your mind about leaving me."
She smiled, and then went right back to work, massaging and kneading my leg, until it was consumed by the intense tingling sensations as much as the other one. She worked the stiffness out of the joints as before, and then laid my leg down on the bed to rest.
"Hmmm…Jazz, can I trust you?"
I looked at her with a confused expression on my face, unsure of what she was meaning. I was about to ask, when I noticed her eyes glazing over. Soon she smiled back at me, and nodded.
"Okay, you can only handle the lower half restraints off, right now. Still, that's improvement. Soon, none of your body will want to leave me."
"Alice, honey, I don't want to leave…I…"
She shook her head, and I knew she didn't want to hear anymore. I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. I watched as she began to move towards me. My breathing hitched in my throat, as I saw the sparkle in her eyes.
She moved up alongside me, closer to my chest. She bent down, lowering her lips to my skin. She peppered my chest and stomach with more soft, butterfly kisses. Her fingertips grazed the skin gently as her hands moved across my chest. A soft moan came out of my throat. I could hear her voice, soft and low.
"I love you, Jazz, more than I can find words to describe."
I turned my head so that her face filled my eyes. I sent her a wave of my adoration for her. I was about to express my love to her, when I felt something I was not expecting.
I couldn't believe it! I turned my head back and watched in silent protest, as Alice stretched two new straps across my torso, binding me even tighter to the bed. I closed my eyes as she tightened the restraints, holding my breath so as to not allow the angry snarls to come out that were rumbling down deep inside.
Even with my lower body free, I could not move off of this bed with the new restraints in place. The monster inside of me hissed and growled at the new binds. I was feeling so betrayed. I turned my head away and forced my eyes closed.
Why? She has to know how hard this is for me! I thought…
I could feel the straps around my right wrist and arm being loosened and removed. I turned my head back towards her and opened my eyes. I was so confused. Why put new restraints on, only to then remove some others?
It all became clear as I felt Alice's hands grasping my arm in much the same way as she had both of my legs earlier. She was going to massage and exercise the muscles and joints, but knew that I couldn't handle being completely unrestrained yet.
Oh, yes…How had I forgotten that she had just checked the future a few minutes earlier?
I looked at her face and could tell by her expression that she had felt the protests and feelings of betrayal I had tried so hard to keep silent. I was about to use my best groveling technique to apologize when my entire arm started to feel those intense tingling sensations, except this time it was more intense than ever.
My eyes looked down at her fingers. She had started to massage the muscles of my upper arm. The nerve endings were awakening, and the tender spot was beginning to feel like it was on fire. I flinched, trying to pull my arm away from her touch without hurting her.
"Ahh…Alice…that hurts!"
She stopped massaging, her fingers frozen in place. I could see the recognition light up on her face as she realized she had forgotten to put the numbing ointment on first.
"Oh, Jazz, I am so sorry. Here, give me your arm."
I took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. I relinquished my arm to her, knowing it would hurt like crazy at first but relief would soon be on its way. My arm began to tremble at her touch, and I could hear her mutters of apology as she tried to gently numb the pain encircling my arm.
I just focused on her eyes, trying to lose myself in them. I knew the pain would end soon; I just had to get through it. After all, I had felt worse pain.
I couldn't control the trembles of my arm, but I would control the growls that were building inside me. It didn't matter what my angel did to this body, I would always crave to be near her and I would never give her any reason to believe otherwise, no matter the pain.
As she was finishing with the exercising of my right arm, Carlisle reappeared. He gave Alice a mug, and encouraged her to drink it. He then approached me with a similar mug.
"Jasper, it's time for you to begin weaning off of the human blood and start feeding off of animal blood again. This should help with the bloodlust so that it won't be unmanageable when I release you to hunt on your own."
He looked briefly at Alice, who shook her head.
"Alice is concerned that you are not ready yet to be completely unrestrained, so I will feed you."
He pulled a stool up next to my bedside and began to place his hand behind my head. As he lifted my head he brought the mug to my lips and pressed gently.
The scent of the animal's blood bounced off the sides of the mug, and then drifted slowly upward and into my face. I could tell it was from a moose.
My nose scrunched up automatically, as the monster deep inside me was revolted by this type of nourishment. I tried to pull back away from the mug's edge, but Carlisle's hands were strong and they held me in place.
"It will take you a little while to get used to it again, Jasper. You might as well start now."
Without waiting for a protest, he tipped the mug so that the liquid was now touching the outside of my lips. I took a quick breath, and opened my lips just enough to allow some of it to flow past, filling my mouth and throat.
It tasted bitter compared to the sweet liquor that was still flowing through the feeding tube. My stomach cringed as the two very different life giving fluids entered at the same time.
I felt the urge to expel the bitter liquid from my system. I gagged slightly, and Carlisle removed the mug from my lips. He gently laid my head back down, and looked into my eyes.
"It might be easier to tolerate if you are not being fed both at the same time. Are you ready to have the feeding tube removed?"
I wasn't sure of my answer. If I was going to try to stay with Alice and our family, I was definitely going to need to stop being fed human blood. I could feel its effect on me and my personality.
Yet, could I give it up? The taste of its sweetness was still filling my mind, as was the bitterness of the other. I wasn't sure I was strong enough. Suddenly I heard a voice in my head.
"You can do it, Jasper. I know you are strong enough! And, don't forget, we are all here to help you. That's what being part of a family is all about."
My mind registered that it was the voice of Edward, I was hearing. My eyes searched the room, and located him just as he walked through the doorway. I noticed Bella was with him. I heard him answer Carlisle for me.
"Jasper's ready to have it removed."
I sent him all of my thoughts and feelings of doubt. I wasn't sure I deserved his confidence.
"Edward, are you sure I can handle this?"
He just looked at me, put his hand on my left arm that was still restrained to the bed, and nodded. I tried to take a deep breath, and calm the anxiety that was quickly overwhelming me.
I felt Alice take my right hand and arm into hers, holding it tight. I knew she was trying to offer comfort, but was also afraid that I might still act on my previous thoughts of leaving. I was about to ask her to just put the restraints back on to relieve her anxiety, when I felt the straps being tightened once again.
I looked over, and saw that it was Edward that was replacing them. When he noticed my questioning gaze, he explained his actions.
"Don't you remember when my tube was removed? You should, you were the one having to hold down my arms so I didn't fight Carlisle. I know your inner demon will be putting up a good fight; this will make it easier on all of us. Just try to focus on your breathing, Jasper. It will be over soon."
I felt Carlisle's strong hands on my neck and forehead, tilting my head back and opening my throat. I decided to watch his hands as they worked. That had helped me control my anxiety before, seeing what he was doing and knowing how much he cared for my well being. It had seemed to help me get through it when he placed the tube down below. I was hoping the same would be true for the removal of this tube.
"Okay, Jasper, I want you to take a deep breath and then let it out slowly as I pull out the tube."
Why did I feel so anxious? Oh, crap! I can't do this…
As his hands moved closer to my face, I couldn't help but pull away. I wasn't able to move far and his hands would easily be able to catch me. My eyes widened with the fear that accompanied this knowledge.
I barely heard his soft words, "Edward, I need your assistance."
Instantly, two strong hands were holding my head firmly in place, while Carlisle's fingers were expertly gripping the tube. He slowly began to pull, and suddenly snarls were rumbling from deep inside my chest.
"It's okay, Jazz. We're just trying to help you."
I could hear Alice's voice and felt her fingers as she began to rub my chest and arms to try and distract me. I wanted to focus on her touches, but the instinct to keep my food source from disappearing was stronger.
Somehow, I had to keep them from removing that tube!
A/N: Jasper's inner monster sure does make things difficult for him! I hope Alice can convince him to stay. Things just won't be the same without him around!! Please review and I'll send you a surprise!