Melting darkness
Remus' visit to the Hospital Wing lasted a mere few minutes. Poppy sat on the tiles amongst the innards of a tightly packed storage cabinet scattered all across the floor, and listened intently to Remus' description. After complimenting him on his prudence she peeled herself off the floor and while searching through another usually carefully locked cabinet instructed him to stay watchful.
"Make sure he sleeps, that would be the most important thing. There isn't much we can do, but the pain usually gets worse with exhaustion. Ah, here it is."
She pulled another small box from the cupboard, unlocked it with a quick touch of her wand, and opened it. It contained a few neatly labelled small vials, one of which she handed over to Remus. Restoring everything back to its rightful place she sighed at the chaos inside the small cupboard.
"I feel like all I ever do is cleaning or organising. Well. Be careful with the vial, but do give it to him - only, though, if he hasn't taken anything else. Ask him. If something happens call me."
Remus pocketed the vial and nodded.
"Of course. He went to bed, though, so I think it shall be fine."
Closing the doors of the cupboard and locking them with a spell Poppy smiled knowingly.
"Your good faith is almost touching. You'll see."
She waved him off, and he left the Hospital Wing with the sneaking suspicion that she might be right. But he did not have time on his hands to prove her or himself wrong. It was time for dinner and more meetings afterwards first.
It was thus that Remus came to climb the stairs to Serpens Tower much later than he had originally planned. But his belly was pleasantly filled with a good dinner, and the meetings afterwards had cleared up a good part of the scheduling confusion he had been trying to make sense of in the past two days. He was satisfied with their progress and his own work, and looked forward to go to bed after quickly checking in with Severus.
The heavy door opened obediently when he spoke the password, and he walked into the small hallway expecting to find nothing but silence and darkness.
Instead he walked into a brightly lit space, indicating that, in fact, Poppy had been right. But Remus was even more surprised to hear something entirely unusual in Hogwarts: there was music.
Severus lay on his large sofa, fully stretched out, wearing what seemed like comfortable pyjama trousers combined with an old t-shirt. On the coffeetable in front of him at least ten freshly sealed letters lay, ready to be carried over to the owlery. Next to them a stack of books stood high, and even more paper than during the afternoon was scattered over the table. Remus recognized not only materials related to Severus' work as a potionsmaster, but also official looking documents bearing the Hogwarts crest and the seal showing the Slytherin snake. Papers from the last conference, neatly stacked together, indicated that Severus had dealt with the same scheduling issues Remus had found himself confronted with.
The man himself lay on his back, his arms folded over his stomach. His gaze seemed fixed to the ceiling, but Remus wasn't sure if he was actually awake. He seemed deeply lost in the music coming from the muggle stereo system Remus was surprised to see behind the now opened door in the low shelf on the wall opposite the sofa. He had expected more books or other trinkets in there. But the large black device was clearly a proper stereo system, and from the way the music vibrated through the speakers of excellent quality. On a closer look he could even spy the cord sneaking out from behind the shelf, plugged into a cubic tool he had seen in stores in Diagon Alley - a magical device providing electricity for muggle technology that could not otherwise be powered. Hogwarts, after all, had no sockets build into its ancient walls.
Remus hadn't expected Severus to own any piece of muggle technology. Or to listen to music. Or to listen to that kind of music.
There wasn't much Remus knew about classical music. He had been to one or two concerts as a child with his parents, before the incident, before it turned out that he would be a wizard. Then these excursions had stopped and never resumed, not even years later. His father owned records and his mother used to sing when she worked in the kitchen. He had gone to clubs where loud beats were the preferred method to drown out his thoughts. But beyond?
In any case he had never listened to that specific type of classical music. There was a choir, voices soaring through what Remus assumed was a large church, the melody floating in what he imagined to be gothic arches supporting a large ceiling. It didn't even seem to be one choir, but Remus wasn't sure if he could distinguish all the voices. They mixed and met and drifted apart again, climbing higher and higher before falling into soothing depth. He did not understand the text, even, only picked up a Latin word here or there. It was beautiful in any case. Haunting. But he hadn't come to listen to music.
Standing in the doorframe Remus cleared his throat and waited. It took a long time until Severus reacted, only slowly raising his hand and dropping it back again. Remus gave the music a few more moments by walking into the room and sitting down in one of the reading chairs. The soprano voice gliding through the air was replaced by male voices reciting sonorous Latin.
The piece lasted only a few more minutes, but while Remus listened he watched the sun set over the Forbidden Forest. His chair was perfectly angled to allow a good view over the grounds and he felt tempted to allow his thoughts to glide over the forest with the floating music. But he was on a mission, after all. Listening to what he was now sure was a choral he studied Severus instead.
To Remus surprise he seemed more relaxed than he had earlier that day. His tiredness was visible in his face, and more clearly obvious in the fact that he had dropped the spells he usually cloaked himself in. But the music seemed to take some of the tension off his body.
When the piece was over they sat in silence for a short while longer, listening to the machine whirring until it stopped the spinning disk inside and then clicked into standby. Remus felt as if the voices were still echoing through the room when he spoke.
"What kind of music was that?"
Severus drew a breath and slowly opened his eyes.
"Some old choral."
Clicking his tongue Remus controlled his reaction to tell Severus off.
"Obviously. What exactly?"
Moving slowly Severus stretched his hands, popping all the small joints in his fingers in the process.
"What they are singing? Old prayers. Sins, judgement and forgiveness."
He dropped his hands on his stomach again and pushed himself slowly upright.
"But you didn't come for lessons in cultural contexts, I gather."
Shaking his head Remus watched his visibly painful movement.
"No. I thought you were asleep and simply wanted to check on you."
Now finally sitting upright Severus pulled up his knees and dropped his elbows upon them, finding a stable position.
"I would guess you also have something else for me."
The vial sat heavy in the pockets of Remus' light summer robe.
"Why do you think so?"
Pushing his hair out of his face Severus grinned wearily. "Experience."
"Wouldn't that annul the concept of blackmail?"
He felt the slight pang of guilt and pushed it down immediately. If this was a game then the rules were his to make or bent.
"Not in the slightest. You got what you wanted, and now I will get what I want. We're even."
There was a certain logic in that, Remus had to admit. He ceded the point with a small nod, and pulled the vial from its hidden place. Carefully placing it on the table just out of Severus' reach he watched Severus follow his movements carefully.
"I see. And with which instructions did it come?"
It felt unnecessary to bluff on this.
"To make sure you hadn't taken anything else before and are actually resting. Which you are currently not, so I'd advise you to do that if you want me to hand over the vial. I would imagine you can't afford not to accept that."
The slight amusement in Severus' face barely hid his slowly growing impatience. "Interesting. Why would that be?"
There was always a smug feeling rising in Remus whenever he felt that he had outwitted Severus.
"Well, first it is obvious that you are in pain, so you didn't have anything in your immediate reach. Which leads to the second point, namely that you cannot quite deny my offer. Not if you want to have some semblance of rest tonight."
As always cold logic succeeded almost flawlessly. Severus stared at him for a short moment, visibly computing what Remus had said. Then he sighed and shrugged.
"My mental capacity seems to be on the decline. I can see now why Albus insisted on putting you out into the field back then. And what are your conditions?"
Trying hard not to allow a triumphant smile to glide over his face Remus nodded sternly.
"Being underestimated is one of the strongest tactics, as you should now. But my conditions are absolutely in your favour: take the potion, go to bed. But since you're not very likely to follow through with your words I'll remain here."
The look on Severus' face was priceless.
"You will remain where?"
Stretching his legs Remus sank a bit lower into the chair and deemed it comfortable. "Here. I can sleep on the couch."
Forcing himself to remain completely stern and resolute while internally being rather amused about the slow shock creeping over Severus' tired face Remus decided to start keeping count of the few times he had managed to render Severus speechless.
"It does look comfortable, after all. And I promised Poppy to make sure you're getting enough rest."
Slowly the realisation seemed to creep up to Severus that he would not get rid of Remus anytime soon. Then, feigning indifference, he shrugged and stretched towards the vial. It was a strangely quick surrender. Feeling a semblance of mercy rising within him Remus bent forward, too, and gave the vial a slow push into Severus' direction.
"You haven't taken anything else?"
Shaking his head Severus took the vial a bit too quickly and sank back on the couch. Quickly examining the label written in his own script he picked the cork off the small glass vial and downed the liquid without hesitation. Closing his eyes for a second he seemed to visible relax a little bit. Then he quickly gathered his composure and neatly replaced the cork on the now empty vial before carefully placing it on the table, his movements now purposefully slow, as if he tried to erase the hastiness he had displayed just moments earlier. A small part of Remus' mind brought the possibility of addiction up - an idea he had toyed with before, back in the Opium den while he had watched Severus smoke - but was pushed down immediately again when Severus addressed Remus.
"Now - do you really intend to stay here?"
Remus nodded. But before he could comment on the perceived comfort of the sofa once more he was interrupted by a small chiming sound, not unlike the one the timekeeping spells Severus used for keeping track of cauldrons emitted. Confused he looked around. Did Severus have another laboratory, stashed away in his bedroom? By now Remus was prepared for everything.
Severus, on the other hand, seemed visibly annoyed. The small sound came again, now reminding Remus distinctly of something far more mundane.
"Is that what it sounds like?"
Sudden movement came over Severus. He pushed himself off the couch and stood, waiting for a second until he stood firmly. Then he waved into Remus' direction, effectively shooing him away.
"You need to leave. Or at least stand over there."
He pointed towards the area where the door leading towards the hallway was. The ringing sound became more louder and more distinctively recognisable as a muggle phone. But Remus saw nothing of that sort, and had no idea why he suddenly was to leave his comfortable chair. His confusion was only mildly cleared when Severus made a hand gesture towards the fireplace, and a sudden fire erupted inside the fireguard.
Remus' halfway formed question was cut off mercilessly.
"No. Simply move."
The ringing echoed through the room once more, now sounding positively urgent and much louder than before. At the same time as Severus sat on the floor in front of the fireplace Remus stood up from his chair and hasted into the appointed corner. Not a second to early, as he quickly realised when Lucius Malfoy's head appeared in the flames.
"What the hell did you do to take that long? Your hole in the wall isn't big enough for any excuses."
Remus withdrew further into the corner cleverly situated in a way that the head floating in the fire could not see him. But now the fireplace obstructed his view on Malfoy, and all he could see was Severus himself on the thick rug in front of the fire. He had rearranged himself into a more natural position, sitting cross-legged on the floor. How he had done it Remus wasn't sure, but he had conjured the illusion spells cloaking his physical decline within the second it had taken him to move over to the fireplace.
"Fuck off, Lucius. I'm not at your beck and call."
Malfoy laughed, his voice being only slightly dulled by the flames. "A pity indeed. And what kind of rags are these?"
"Whatever I please to wear while roaming my sweeping quarters. What do you want?"
The impatience in his voice was clear.
"Are we touchy today? I want to know whether you'll be around tonight."
Rolling his eyes Severus shock his head and seemed to immediately regretting the sharp movement. Remus was sure Malfoy didn't notice, but for his knowing gaze the small movements to prevent the pain in his body from spontaneously flaring up were blatantly obvious.
"No. Is there anything specific going to happen? I didn't receive a message or call."
The fire crackled a bit more audible.
"There was none. My son told me in unclear terms that it will be September very soon. He is looking forward to see you again, so I decided that I want to make sure I'll have the pleasure first."
For some reasons Remus could not imagine a cosy dinner at Malfoy Manor with Malfoy senior and junior talking animatedly over a cup of tea and a few toasts with beans about the upcoming schoolyear.
"I can't imagine you actually listened to anything Draco had to say. Send him my regards, in any case. Same goes for you, for I have no intention to leave Scotland tonight."
Apparently Remus guesses weren't far off the mark. There was a prolonged silence from the fire, and Severus kept the resolute but slightly amused look on his face.
"You still look dreadful. How long will you continue to blame me for not ending your miserable life?"
The slightly crocked smile on Severus' face seemed strangely genuine.
"For as long as it shall last. Or until I kill you, I haven't decided yet."
Apparently these were terms of endearment to Malfoy, for he chuckled.
"We will see how that turns out. Now, don't be a sissy, get dressed and apparate to the Manor. We'll go, have a few shots and burn down a village or two. You'll be back tomorrow by lunch and nobody will be any wiser. Besides some charred muggles, but we all know that dead man tell no tales. Let's go, it will be like the old days were."
Severus crossed his arms before his chest, looking to Remus' eyes more like an irked child then the authoritative figure he usually cut. It might have something to do with him sitting bare-footed on the carpet, his legs folded up neatly.
"No. But did you just call me a sissy?"
Malfoy laughed again.
"Yes. I'm also willing to add wuss and wimp."
Snorting Severus shock his head. "When have I duelled you for the last time?"
"Come over and we can fight behind the house. Draco would be ecstatic, his technique suffered immensely in the last weeks. You should start giving duel classes in Hogwarts, but that's a topic for another night."
Apparently Malfoy was quite enthusiastic about the idea of spending the evening blocking curses.
"All of this is a topic for another night. I have work, Lucius. Term will start next week, as you are well aware of."
There was another silence and Remus guessed that Malfoy was pouting.
"I don't see how you can spend so much time among this Gryffindor mob."
Smiling sarcastically Severus shrugged.
"The things we do for the greater good. Anything else?"
Their conversation hadn't lasted long, but Remus ventured that the either the painkiller was slowly kicking in, or that Severus couldn't bear sitting on the ground any longer. He seemed intend to get rid of Malfoy as quickly as possible.
"If I can't persuade you to spent the night - no. Though I will stand by my word and claim you're being a right sissy."
Severus didn't reply. Instead he quickly moved his hand, making a movement as if he caught air in his hand and then threw it into the fire. The flames crackled loudly and Malfoy cursed.
"Be damned, my carpet! That's a French hand-woven two-hundred-year-old large - Narcissa won't be amused."
Severus only lifted an eyebrow. "Send her my regards, then."
"Like hell I will. Next time you come over I'll make you inspect the carpet up close, if you catch my drift."
It took every inch of Remus' self-control not to sputter with the sudden realisation.
"Your subtlety is refreshing as always. Have a good evening, Lucius."
The fire crackled some more.
"Severus."
Pointlessly waving a hand Severus shock his head. "Good-bye."
Apparently Malfoy had resigned himself to his fate of spending the evening alone or in the company of his heir.
"Very well. Good-bye."
And with that he was gone. Without the open connection the fire died almost immediately, leaving the room in a sudden half-light. Remus hadn't even noticed that it was getting dark outside.
Almost at the same instance Severus brought his hands to his face and rubbed his forehead. When he dropped his arms again his illusion spell had fallen and he looked beyond tired.
Coming out of his corner Remus returned to his former chair with the intention to sit down comfortably again.
"I feel like I should apologise for eavesdropping on your private conversation."
Severus remained on the ground, from Remus' new position almost obscured by the sofa.
"Don't be absurd, that was hardly a private conversation. Lucius is simply obnoxious. But he cannot be allowed to catch even the slightest hint that something might be amiss. He is high in the Dark Lord's favours, and has a loose tongue. A very useful combination that could prove itself deadly rather quickly."
Although his sentences were still fluid Severus' speech pattern suddenly seemed slightly uneven, as if he were fighting for words. It took Remus a quick second to understand why, and inwardly cursing he got up from the comfortable chair again and walked around the sofa to the spot where Severus was still folded up on the ground. He had drawn his knees up, resting his head on the side of the sofa. He had gone from pale to grey and his hands seemed to tremble slightly.
"Are you still on the ground because it's comfortable? You should get to bed."
Holding out his hand Remus half-hoped Severus would accept the offer. But it didn't surprise him when the gesture was fully ignored. But at least Severus nodded, waited for a moment longer and then slowly pushed himself off the floor using the sofa as support. Finally upright he immediately sat on the armrest again, with closed eyes waiting for what Remus assumed was dizziness to vanish.
Remus stood close enough to reach out should anything happen, but he didn't dare to do anything else.
Finally Severus opened his eyes again and once more rubbed his forehead. Then he stood up, slowly, and made his way through the living room. Remus trailed behind him, trying to not make it look as if he were escorting him towards the bedroom.
"And you still want to sleep on the sofa?"
Remus nodded. "Absolutely."
Defeated Severus shock his head.
"At least you're not trying to talk me into burning down a village. Or two."
They reached the bedroom. Without any apparent effort Severus closed the thick curtains with a handmotion, and the dim light on one of the nightstands turned on by itself. With visible relief Severus sat down on the edge of his bed.
"There's another spare blanket in the lowest drawer. And a pillow. Help yourself."
Remus did as instructed, and indeed found a blanket and pillow in there, faintly smelling of lavender. Taking both out he noticed that the drawer closed silently by itself.
"Thank you. Does the painkiller work?"
Now with profoundly slowed reflexes Severus shrugged. He didn't say anything, seemingly concentrated on sitting and Remus decided to cut their conversation short.
"Good. I'll leave you alone, then. I'm in your living room, in case you need anything."
And with that and his pillow he left, pulling the door behind him but then leaving it just slightly ajar. The gap was small but big enough for Remus to hear the disbelieving sound Severus made, followed by the rustling of covers pushed around. The light went out immediately.
Sleeping in someone else's' space was nothing foreign to Remus. He had been on streets for so long, wandering from any willing benefactor's house to the next one that he was convinced he could sleep practically everywhere. In Severus' bathroom he utilized a few useful spells cleaning his teeth and face, used the loo and then walked back into the living room. The makeshift bed was set up quickly, the curtains rustled as he pulled them close and the window snapped shut with only a small clacking sound.
The sofa was just as comfortable as it looked, and Remus stretched with contentment. Wrapped into the freshly washed sheets and the comforting wooden smell prevalent in Severus' rooms he drifted off quickly.
When he was woken in the middle of the night he needed a moment to reconstruct where he was, why he was there, and what exactly had wakened him. He quickly managed to place the sofa in the correct context, added the information that he had been placed as a gatekeeper of sorts to make sure everything would be alright with Severus. The sound that had woken him, however, seemed difficult to place.
He listened into the darkness and the temporary silence. His confusion was cleared away quickly, however, when he picked up the well-known sounds of someone moving in the bathroom. He heard water flush, then more water running into a sink, the sound of someone splashing their face. Relaxing muscles he hadn't realized he had even tensed up Remus waited for the sound of first one door, then footsteps on the wooden floor and another door.
The first sound came quickly - a door being moved slowly, and then closed with an emphasis on not making unnecessary noise. He registered that apparently Severus tried to not wake him up and couldn't decide whether it was to allow Remus more sleep or to not draw attention to anything. Then there were steps, two, three unbalanced ones and a rustling sound - someone dragging a hand over the wall? Remus was unsure. The next thing, however, was the very clear noise of a body moving towards the ground with more speed than necessary, and the soft thud it left on the wooden floor.
Remus was out of his bed in an instance and produced a soft light as quickly as he could. He reached the small hallway leading to the bathroom quickly, and in the dim light he saw the contour of Severus' motionless form on the floor. Hurrying to his side Remus knelt, carefully touching him and quickly checking for basic vital signs. He found a shallow pulse, far too slow for Remus' taste, and cold sweat on his forehead.
He had just reached out to turn Severus gently around when he drew a shaky breath. In the dim light Remus' spell had produced Severus blinked.
"What - "
The panic in Remus' stomach slowly faded and he relaxed. Just a fainting spell, then. Hopefully.
"Shh, it's alright. I think you lost consciousness for a moment. Stay down, breathe. How do you feel?"
It took Severus a few seconds to control his breathing and gain more strength. His skin was ice-cold to Remus' touch.
"Like shit."
Grinning Remus nodded. "That would be obvious. Don't move."
Now being on solid ground and knowing what to do Remus gained his calm back. He quickly retrieved a thick pillow from the sofa, placed it on the ground and propped Severus' feet up, and on a second round picked up the water glass Severus had left on the table the evening before. It wasn't perfect, but it would do.
Returning to the hallway he sat down on the ground again.
"You should drink some water. But you have to sit up a little bit. I'll move you, just keep still."
He didn't even wait for Severus' explicit consent. Instead he carefully took hold of his shoulders, wrapped his arms around him and lifted him just the smallest amount. At the same time he slid his own body a bit closer and managed to lean Severus comfortably against himself. There was not complaint.
"Are you okay?"
He felt Severus nod more than he saw it and also noticed how Severus seemed mostly occupied with keeping his breathing even. He wasn't heavy against Remus' body, just a light weight. Remus felt strangely comfortable on the hard floor.
"You will have quite a few bruises from that fall. Here, have some water. Can you hold the glass?"
Severus nodded again, and with shaking hands took the glass from Remus. He slowly drank the entire glass and placed it on the floor next to them.
"Well. Let me take your pulse again - I'd like to know if you're going to stay conscious."
It was obvious that Severus wasn't capable of putting up any resistance, even if he had wanted to. Completely at Remus' mercy he shrugged. Taking the offered right hand Remus wrapped his fingers around the thin wrist, feeling the deep scar underneath his sensitive fingertips. Trying to concentrate he counted the seconds against the softly beating pulse and felt reluctant to let go when he was done.
"We should stay here a moment longer, otherwise you'll just go down again."
There was no point discussing his decision.
"Do I look like I would argue?"
Despite the audible weakness in Severus' voice the tone was still sardonic enough to make it clear who Remus was talking to.
"No. But I do know you, at least by now, and I believe you could talk your way out of your own coffin if you had to."
Remus tried to put as much easy cheerfulness into his voice as possible without sounding like Albus Dumbledore, and succeeded only marginally. But Severus' shoulders against Remus' chest relaxed, and it seemed as if he hadn't really noticed that Remus' hand was still solidly wrapped around his wrist, essentially cradling it carefully.
"I feel like I'm not going to talk myself out of this anytime soon."
The layers of meaning in the simple sentence where manifold, and Remus wasn't quite sure which one he preferred. He picked the one he knew they had to talk about once more anyway, and loosened his grip on Severus' wrist, only to now fully take his hand and hold it firmly.
"I think you won't."
Severus' response was nothing beyond a low hum that could either mean complete resignation or an agreeable surrender. Remus decided not to think about it further.
They stayed on the floor for a few more minutes until Remus took Severus' pulse again, deemed it stable enough and carefully hoisted both of them off the ground. They made their way to the bedroom slowly, Remus essentially carrying all of Severus' body weight easily. Once again he was reminded that he was physically stronger, something he was entirely unused to in his dealings with men.
Reaching the bedroom Severus seemed grateful to sink down on the edge of the bed. The light on the nightstand turned on immediately, and Remus allowed his own light spell to vanish. Only then he realized that he hadn't even used his wand, conjuring a small round orb with a simple handmotion and a strong Lumos spell. The pride over his newest feat of wandless magic painted a grin on his face that Severus noticed with a tilt of his head. Then he looked at Remus' hands and even in his slightly foggy state understood.
"Fear is an excellent catalyzer for wandless magic."
Remus quickly pondered the many meanings yet again, but Severus swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stretched under the covers with relief. Looking around in the bedroom Remus spotted a chair in the corner. Walking around the bed he drew it up, considering whether he should get his wand and attempt a spell that would turn the hard wooden object into something slightly more comfortable. Severus observed the scenario with a disapproving glance.
"What do you think you're doing there?"
That much for the man's famous quick reasoning, then.
"Looking for a comfortable place to stay while I'm watching you sleep? And do not even try to talk me out of your bedroom. I will stay."
In passing he remembered the room in the hospital wing, the perfect white covers and Severus' lifeless form. How many times had he sat watching him sleep? How many nights had Poppy spent at his side, waiting for him to wake up or turn worse?
"It is your decision. But - " He stopped in the middle of the sentence and pulled a rather confused face. " - why don't you simply sleep in the bed?"
It would be easy, of course, but that wasn't the - Remus' line of thought stopped in the middle of his sentence. Had Severus just invited him into his bed?
"Are you sure?"
Now annoyed Severus gestured towards the other half of the bed. "I do not intend to rape you, if you worry about that. Just get in, the light hurts my eyes."
There was no need to invite Remus twice. He quickly replaced the chair to its original spot, and slipped into the bed. It was large and comfortable, and made up to perfectly accommodate another person who preferred having his or her own pillow, although there was only one large blanket. As soon as Remus had sat down Severus extinguished the lights and Remus heard - and felt - him stretch and turn around.
"I'm still not sure why you're doing that but, well, I think I should thank you."
Severus' voice was very close to Remus' ear, and the hair on his neck rose immediately. Maybe that hadn't been such a good idea, after all. Did Severus know that Remus was a rather cuddly sleeper? Should he have told him? Questions galloped through Remus' head.
"Nonsense, really. Sleep."
The response was but a low hum, and Remus could perfectly pinpoint the moment when Severus fell asleep just seconds later. With his steady breathing as background noise Remus relaxed slowly into the comfort of the bed. It smelled almost like his own one did on the other side of the castle, but the mattress seemed a bit thicker and more luxurious than the default one Hogwarts offered. The sheets were perfectly soft - and Remus was asleep before he could even continue to scrutinise every other little thing about the bed he was currently sharing.
He awoke again in the first light of the new day. The sun was not up yet, but the night outside was slowly fading and the curtains weren't fully closed. Remus only scratched the surface of wakefulness first. Without his incentive his mind seemed to wander through his surroundings for clues. The room was still mostly dark, the bodies of furniture lurking like brooding silhouettes in the corners. There was the bed, large and comfortable, and his own body perfectly relaxed and at ease. He felt his limbs heavy with sleep, warm. His mind registered the smell of his surroundings and nudged him towards the realisation that he wasn't sleeping in his own bed. But it was Hogwarts, decidedly Hogwarts, with the smell of lavender and woods and warm stone.
His mind was ready to sink back again beneath the surface of sleep when it registered something else. There was a second body in his bed, someone else, and it wasn't the familiar weight of Sirius who had ended up in Remus' bed after too much wine or talk, and usually firmly kept to his side of the mattress. No, this other body had a different build, seemed lighter somehow, a bit less stable than the known and measured and agreed weight of his best friend. This body was closer than he usually slept with anybody, tucked perfectly against the space Remus' body occupied, Remus' limbs draped over and wrapped around its parameters. There was a back pressed against Remus' chest, vertebrae and sharp shoulderblades noticeable under the thin fabric of a t-shirt, Remus' arm draped over a waist and his hand pressed against a flat stomach, holding firmly in place whoever slept there. Remus' nose touched the back of a neck, hair brushed aside, and if he only pursed his lips he would almost kiss skin. His own legs were tangled into someone else's', someone much taller but neatly follded and curled up just the right size to fit perfectly against Remus.
Remus blinked against the sleep and the dim light and found that he was curled around Severus. His confused mind was suddenly very alert and very awake, and he hardly managed not to move.
It wasn't the first time Remus' woke up next to someone new. He had a history of casual sex, picking up men and women - really, who cared - in nightclubs in the seedier parts of London, sharing a drink, maybe two or ten, and then going home with someone. He never took someone to his place. He didn't have a home that qualified as a location for random sex, no place that wouldn't make anybody with any trace of sanity left bolt immediately. No, he allowed others to drag him home, to shove him into a bus or the last tube or guide him on endless marches across the city. He only ever went to muggle clubs. Wizards had too many questions, after all, and the community was too small. But there were hordes of muggles in London, ever changing, and he never met the same person twice. He used condoms and tried to leave, but sometimes it was inevitable to fall asleep and wake up the next morning and sneak away before breakfast. Breakfast meant trouble, and he had enough of that already. He never left a number - for what? there was no phone line where he lived - and went by three different names. Nobody ever asked or questioned anything.
But he had never accidentally woken up entangled into someone whom he actually knew. And not without even having sex or given some other sort of consent before. He didn't move. But lying perfectly still he felt the closeness even more, felt where exactly his body touched Severus, where their skin inevitably met. Bare feet touching, his hand flat against the skin of Severus' stomach, placed just below the rim of the t-shirt. His face touching the nape of Severus' neck- the sensations were suddenly sweeping Remus off his feet.
He swallowed a lot of spit, and tried to calm his breathing. But it didn't quite work, and instead of returning to his calm state of sleep again he chocked on his own salvia and jerked away, coughing loud enough to wake up an entire village. Inwardly cursing he tried to calm himself, which only resulted in more coughs and prolonged gasping for air. Severus, rudely woken by the sudden withdraw of Remus' body and the noise, growled into his pillow and buried himself deeper into the blanket.
Finally being able to breathe again and properly annoyed by his own misconduct Remus flopped into the pillows on his back, trying to catch his breath. He almost startled when suddenly a glass of water nudged against his shoulder. Trying not to fall into a coughing fit again he stared at the offending tableware for a brief moment and then realized that the glass was attached to a hand and a rather tired face.
"Water. Don't die in my bed. Hard to explain."
Severus' voice was coarse and thick with sleep, and he was dragging his vowels in a manner that suddenly placed a hint of an regional accent in his otherwise flawless highbrow pronunciation. Remus took the glass, sat up and felt the flush rising in his cheeks. Drowning the liquid he tried to come up with anything clever to say that would explain why he had basically used Severus as a cuddly toy while leaving up the option of slipping his hands further under that t-shirt. Sadly his mind had decided to go back into sleep again, leaving his body a rather hapless and useless mess.
"Hum, thanks."
The water helped to sooth his throat, at least, and he only coughed once more to make sure everything was fine now. The glass vanished again from his hand and he watched Severus stretch a bit to place it back on the nightstand.
"Yes. And now shut up. Too early."
Being rid of the glass Severus fell back into the bed and turned again into the position he had been sleeping in before Remus had suddenly decided to choke on his own salvia. Burying his head in the pillow he closed his eyes and seemed almost asleep again immediately.
Remus watched him, feeling insecurity rising inside him. The need to return to their original position was unbearable, but just like this - without any excuses? He looked down at Severus, seeing everything and nothing. Black hair against the white pillow, his left arm stretched out, palms upturned and relaxed, the Dark Mark against the white skin, the t-shirt still not back in place, exposing a stretch of skin over the waistband of the soft pyjama trousers - and there was salvia in Remus' mouth again.
"Are you done with staring?"
It seemed that Remus' sudden stillness had been a bit too obvious. Carefully swallowing Remus decimated the salvia in his mouth and cleared his throat.
"You - ergh, I mean, I, well - I think I - "
He didn't make sense, and it was impossible to overlook. Inwardly cursing himself he tried to get a grip.
Apparently now abandoning the idea of getting any sleep any time soon Severus sighed into his pillow, and pushed himself up. While Remus still fought for words he reached towards the nightstand again, refilled the water glass from the caraffe positioned there and emptied the glass quickly. Then he turned around, to Remus' utter horror facing him now completely.
"Yes? Tell me your heart's trouble, and when it's said and talked about we can hopefully sleep again."
The imitation of the soft voice Pomona Sprout used to sooth anxious Hufflepuff First-years tipped Remus over the edge.
"How can you be that snarky at this hour?"
He simply didn't know where to put his hands. Severus facing him like that, crumpled, hair chaotic and a not-so-subtle hint of five-o'-clock shadow on his cheeks was simply too much for Remus' self-control. And even though Severus was obviously dead tired and still half-asleep there was that gleam in his eyes Remus' had grown to like. A lot, actually.
"Well, what is your problem?"
Remus blinked, twice. It didn't help.
"I, uh, that - ah, fuck it - "
But before he could even finish his sentence Severus inched closer, wrapped his left had around Remus' neck and pulled him into a kiss. And that was all the invitation Remus actually needed. It took him one motion to return the kiss, then keep their lips together while he took Severus' by the shoulder and used his own weight to throw him on his back and press him down. Now helplessly tangled into the blanket Remus landed on top of him, still kissing him with all the hunger he had felt in the past weeks. They parted for only a second to gasp for air, faces very close.
"I believe the sentence you're looking for is fuck me."
Severus' voice was but a gentle hum in Remus' ear, deep and dark and very inviting. Remus' only answer was a growl, a deep rumbling back in his throat, and that was as clear as he would get about this issue.
There was no sleep for both of them to have anytime soon. It was what Remus had wanted for such a long time now, and he took every minute of it. Soon their clothing was on the floor, next to the pillow Remus had kicked out mercilessly.
In the very first light of the morning Remus felt as if a long wait had finally come to an end. Roaming his hands over the body he had wanted to touch, taking in all the new sights and sensations, finding spots he didn't know and yearned to explore and familiarise himself with. In return he offered his own body, without hesitation, to be traced and caressed and discovered anew. To his own surprise he felt no shame about the desolate state of his own person. It seemed that, for the first time in a very long while, there would be no need to hide his many damages. Not even his scars, even though they were the one thing that had always inhibited him the most, the hideous web of fear and death and blood ripped into his stomach, the clear sign pointing towards his defect, the visible reminder what he was. Even with muggles, with lovers who didn't know about such things as the brutality of a full moon he was afraid that anyone would find them disgusting. He was disfigured, and he knew it.
But Severus had scars of his own, and he did not wince as his fingertips traced the deep lines in Remus' skin. In return he didn't flinch when Remus' hands discovered another healed wound on his own body, did not seem to bother that Remus wanted to find them all. And Remus found more than he had thought.
There were long, strange marks across Severus' back, clean cuts, old, healed. Deep and ragged ones over one of his shoulders, shorter this time, as if a claw had been buried into the skin and dragged through muscles and skin. There was the thick scar on his right wrist that Remus now kissed profoundly, as if he were trying to erase what he thought had engraved it there. There were round burn marks on the inside of Severus' right arm, marks Remus knew cigarettes extinguished on skin left. There was a short scar behind his left ear, small but still visible to Remus's searching eyes. There were the many small burn marks and scars his years of working as a potionsmaster had brought him, and bones protruding skin, and dark bruises from the fall the night before.
It was a broken body under Remus' hands, but it didn't matter. He gave himself entirely up to the moment, and to curious hands on himself - long fingers skimming his muscles, sliding over his torso, measuring the web of scars and finding other remnants of transformation and pain. Remus growled under the soft pressure of deft fingertips, quickly finding all the right spots, and revelled in the pressure of Severus' hands entangled in his hair.
They took it slow, fitting for the very early morning and the sleepiness they felt at first. But Remus wasn't shy, and he was pleased to find that Severus' wasn't either. But they were gentle, careful not to trespass on unstable ground. They had agreed on sex with nothing more then a kiss and right then it was simply that - a physical thrill, finally taking what they had wanted all along.
There was hardly any talk. Severus pleasantly surprised Remus by having condoms and lube, and by knowing precisely well what he did and wanted and enjoyed. There was no trace of the strange fumbling Remus was used to from having one-night-stands - but then he remembered how he had found out that Severus did use his own body as commodity if the need arose, and it was only likely that he would be good at what he was offering.
It was only one small instance where Remus had to say something, had to break the atmosphere of silence they seemed to have agreed upon. He broke a long kiss, already quite out of breath, his fingers tight around Severus' neck, the other sliding down his chest.
"You feel better? And you know what you're doing? Werewolf? Blood and such?"
Severus nodded, for a second slightly annoyed. Digging his fingers deeper into the flesh of Remus' arse he waited for the reaction, which came promptly.
"Want a lecture?"
His voice was a deep, mocking rumble, doing nothing for Remus' composure. He pressed against Severus, bent down and bit into his shoulder, carefully, not drawing blood. That was his answer, and it was enough.
They feel asleep again soon afterwards, spread out on the bed, an entangled mess of limbs, crumbled sheets, sweat and chaos. Remus lay on his back, half-covered by Severus, whose face was buried in his shoulders. The last waves of pleasure were only slowly ebbing away in Remus' satisfied body, his mind still in a haze of endorphines. It was an easy thing to simply wrap one arm around Severus, feeling his now comfortably relaxed breathing and steady heartbeat. Remus' other hand was still entangled with Severus' long fingers, and there was nothing in the whole wide world that could have possible convinced Remus to let go of him, not now or possibly any time soon. Closing his eyes against the slowly rising morning sun he smiled for no particular reason and fell asleep.
(c) Fayet - 27/7/2015
A/N: This was supposed to be the last chapter, but it turned out to be too long - so now it's cut into two halves. Second part to come later this week!