To Be Human

Author Note: Once again another unforgivable delay, made up for a little by an extra long chapter. Thank you for your patience and enjoy the chapter!

It was not the first time he had received a call in the middle of the night from a crying child. Nor was it the first time he had listened somberly to a voice drowning in anger and tears at the injustice of the Sohma family and the horrors of Sohma House.

But he had never expected to hear Tohru raise her voice in anger. He had never expected her to be the bearer of those words. He had never expected her to end his world.

"They're going to hold the Banquet," she said, her voice skipping and hiccoughing as she struggled to continue. "W-why didn't anyone tell me? Kazuma?"

Kazuma closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the wall, his fingers clenching around the receiver. When he finally spoke he was surprised at the steadiness of his own voice, "Come to my house, Tohru. We will talk here." The line went dead and he replaced the receiver with a click.

The Banquet…

As the outsider, he had always been the safe haven, the place where the Sohma children were free of Akito's shadow. They could tell him their woes, knowing he would understand, and that he would not reveal their secrets. When possible he would make room in his house for the child, be it Yuki or Rin, Hatsuharu or Kagura, and allow them to stay as long as they wished. Usually it was only a day before a stone-faced servant came to retrieve them, and he would be forced to watch as they were herded away, and the cycle of tears would begin again

Never again. Not after the Banquet.

Something snapped and he glanced down in surprise at the sudden sharp pain across his knuckles. His fist had gone through the plaster, which had bowed inward and cracked into a spider web of fractures. Dust trickled to the floor as he removed his hand, massaging the knuckles vaguely. He shook his head. Tohru would be here soon. Perhaps, considering the circumstances, he should let her take his own bed rather than Kyo's. He nodded to himself. He would not be sleeping this night.

He began to move mechanically through the house, fetching pajamas and blankets from various cupboards. It was not the first time he had given a runaway from Sohma House a bed for the night…. But it will be the last. His heart twisted and he was gasping as he stood above the futon, his knees no longer strong enough to support him, clutching at the folded blankets so hard his hands shook. He took a long, shuddering breath and placed the blankets on the futon. You knew this day would come.

Head bowed, he began to walk towards the door. Far away, passing headlights sent ghostly squares of light flickering through the halls. His movements slowed with every step, and when he reached the kitchen it was all he could do to remain standing. He pressed his hand to the doorframe, his knuckles clenching white, and forced himself to sit at the kitchen table, if only to keep himself from slipping to the ground. He lowered himself slowly, like an old man, like his grandfather would have, and pressed his forehead to his folded hands as if praying.

But I never thought it would come so soon.

The ticking clock echoed through the room like a heartbeat, flooding Kazuma ears as he stared blankly at the table. Tohru would be here soon. He had to be strong for her. He had to put away his own pain and think of her, how confused she must be, how lost. She would not have known of the Banquet, or its potential to happen in her lifetime. No one could have predicted that she would be told so many secrets, or that there would be any reason for her to know this one.

He would have to tell her. He would have to explain how the friends she had made would be locked up like animals. That strong, capable men like Shigure and Hatori, men Kazuma considered close friends, would be as helpless to save themselves as innocents like Hiro and Kisa. That Kyo, his own child, was would be taken from him, and once gone it would be as if his son had died. No one was to see them, or discuss them. All their vibrancy and joy, their sorrows and triumphs, would be gone as surely as if they had never existed.

And there was nothing he could do to save them.

When she came it was without a sound. She appeared like a ghost in the doorway, a statue of shadows and pale stone in the moonlight, motionless except for the flickering coals of pain and anger in her eyes. He watched her out of the corner of his eye and her lips twisted as their gazes met. She was struggling to fight back tears. "I'm sorry," he said. "You shouldn't have had to find out like this."

She bit her lip and shuddered, suppressing a sob, and when she spoke it was almost a gasp as each word was forced passed tears, "What are we going to do?"

He forced a weak smile, "For now, you need to rest. I've made up a bed for you; it's at the end of the hall. We can talk more in the morning." She moved as if to speak then stopped, looking away. "Sleep well, Miss Honda," he said, turning his gaze back to the table. Her head drooped and she vanished as silently as she had come.

He returned his gaze to the window, to the passing moon and the stars that wheeled above the earth like his thoughts around her question. What would they do? What could any of them do?

Nothing, nothing at all, and there never has been. It was Akito's voice that spoke in his head, and this time he did not bridle against it in rage. There was a weary comfort in accepting, the comfort of giving up after a long fight. He had not had the strength to comfort Tohru or even to find the words to soothe her. He did not have the strength to soothe himself. There was only surrender now, and mourning, and the slow lethargy of hopelessness running in his veins to his heart, sapping his muscles, and dragging him down.

Eventually even the strength to watch the stars failed him and he put his head down into his hands, staring at the grains in the wood. He did not sleep, nor was he fully awake. Thoughts of hope, of rescues, and of other impossible things flitted fitfully through his mind. But in the end he knew they were only dreams.

What are we going to do?

Kazuma's eyes fluttered, fragments of dreams scattering from his mind. He remembered flashes of Kyo at his mother's funeral, and an image Tohru standing at the center of the Sohma Clan, her face implacable, as distant screaming rose in the background.

He rubbed his eyes and opened them to a sun-bathed kitchen. The screaming remained, and beneath it the sound of careful movement, the muted clinking of plates and shuttering of cabinets drew him out of the fog. He looked towards the source of the sound and saw Tohru standing in front of the stove, pulling a screeching kettle off the burner.

"Good morning," she said, with some of her usual cheer. She replaced the kettle on an unlit burner and set a pair of teacups on the table. "I'm sorry I woke you, I was going to have breakfast ready first. I hope you slept well." Kazuma blinked, glancing at the table. The muscles in his neck were stiff and there was a spot of drool on his sleeve. "I guess that's a silly question. I mean, you slept on a table after all and, oh! I took your bed didn't I? Oh no, I'm so sorry! I should have asked where you would sleep! Oh no, oh no…" Kazuma's eyes widened as the girl flailed her arms, now in full panic mode. He held up a hand and cut her off.

"It's fine Miss Honda. Thank you for making breakfast, I apologize for the inconvenience and my poor qualities as a host," Tohru calmed, her face dropping all signs of emotion, her eyelids lowered to hide a sudden spasm of pain, the twitch of a frown. She glanced down at the cups and took the kettle from the stove to fill them.

The sunlight was streaming through the kitchen window, banishing the half remembered shreds of nightmare and turning the dark spot on the wall that had frightened Kyo as a child into nothing more than a smudge. Steam rose in coils from the tea and rice that Tohru had prepared. Her clothes had a rumpled, slept-in appearance, and when she turned to place the bowls on the table Kazuma saw around her eyes the red puffiness of someone who had cried themselves to sleep. He thanked her with a nod and began to eat.

"I understand you are living with you grandfather now," said Kazuma between sips of tea. Tohru nodded, "I'm sorry if my actions caused you to leave Shigure's house, but with this news of the Banquet it was probably for the best." She stared at him, her eyes wide and searching, driving him to continue. "It is only a matter of time until Yuki and Shigure are gathered," he explained.

"Three days," she said.

Kazuma's heart seized and he swallowed before speaking again, "…So, you see…" the words froze in his throat as her words spun in his head. "So you see… it was just a matter of time..."

"Kazuma?" he felt the feather touch of her fingers on his forehead and she was in front of him, "Are you feeling all right? You've gone pale."

He stared up at her and she saw his calm gray eyes were wide and staring, as if struggling to understand an incomprehensible loss. "Three days?" he said, his voice low and rough. She nodded. "And you know that after that, they will be…?" She nodded again, her eyes downcast, and removed her fingers from his forehead.

"So soon. In the end, there was nothing I could do to save them," he said. He coughed, clearing his throat. Three days. "There should have been more time, he should have let the children grow up first. But no one expected them all to be born, not after so long. I thought at least if Kyo… if I could save him, then perhaps then it could all be stopped. Perhaps it just needed one act of resistance. Perhaps the Curse could be broken," Tohru eyes softened with understanding. Kazuma continued, each word picking at the dam that he had built up over the years against the rage and sorrow. "Perhaps the impossible…was not."

"Kazuma…" she began. His fist slammed down on the table, cutting her off. The dishes rattled and a chopstick skittered to the floor.

"He is my son," he snarled, rising to his feet. Tohru jerked away. "It was my duty to protect him. But I couldn't protect him from Akito, or from that monster eating him from the inside." His fists began to shake, "He has done nothing to deserve this torture. He's just a boy, no worse than any other. An innocent." Tohru clasped her hands to her chest, her eyes flickering, studying Kazuma. He stared straight ahead, his jaw tensed and his fists clenching, his usual self control held together by only a thread. "I thought there could be no greater cruelty than what they did to him. The silent permission given by all the Sohmas for a child to be tormented. A child! That some lottery of chance, that some ancient Curse could somehow dictate that a little boy could be shunned and persecuted. That he should be blamed because he was born, or because his mother was a disturbed woman who took her own life." Tohru gave a small gasp and he paused, looking up as if just remembering she was there, "But do you know, it wasn't any better for the other children, or the adults. So many abandoned, insulted, beaten. Turned into scapegoats by their own deranged families. Do you understand, Tohru? Those favored children of the Sohma family, those prophesied ones that stand so high above the others are often as rejected by their own families as Kyo was."

"And I thought I could protect them," Kazuma laughed harshly, "I thought I could shelter them here, outside of Sohma House. Sometimes I thought I could even rescue them, keep them here. But in the end, would that make me any better than Akito? And even if I could, I knew they would go back. Even when they were hurt and afraid they would always go back there. And I thought, that is the true horror of that Curse and of this family, that they cannot resist. That they will always hunger, like the abused children that they are, for the love of their parents and of Akito. That ultimately the monster only needed to snap his fingers and they would return to him. Just as they will now. They will not try to escape the Banquet. Even though they have their own lives, their own hopes and dreams, they cannot escape." He turned to her, his eyes wild with pain and despair, "There is nothing they can do, Miss Honda. So to answer your question, there is nothing we can do either."

Tohru stared at Kazuma as he collapsed back into the chair, his shoulders slumped in defeat as if all the strength had been drained from his body. He reminded her of Hatori, his resignation and visible struggle as he let her go, and of Kagura as she shooed Tohru away, making no effort to escape the summons. Then in her mind she saw Kyo, his violet eyes glowing from the shadow of the Cat's House as the door opened and he would not come out. And somewhere distantly, as she was running away, the sound of poison as Akito's voice rose in her wake. She remembered Yuki long ago standing paralyzed as Akito raised a hand to touch his face. She remembered Hiro struggling not to cry while he told her the reason he abandoned Kisa. She remembered the shadow in the eyes of the other Zodiac members when Akito was mentioned, the awe and fear in their voices.

"Kazuma…" he looked up at her and she hesitated, the words sworn to Kagura and Hatori shivering down her spine. I'll find a way, I promise… Could she really do it? Who was she to break this cycle? There must be another who knew better, who had more right than her. But Kazuma's eyes were empty, his strength and calm shattered from within, and there was no one else. "I'm sorry Kazuma but…you're wrong," she said, the words escaping before she had truly decided to speak, though even as she spoke she knew they were true.

Hiro wipes the sleep from his eyes and begins to walk down the stairs to the kitchen. His mother is there, and he smiles as a he sees Kisa sitting at the table. He opens his mouth to greet her and stops. He falls to the steps, hard, and stares down at his hands. Tear drops patter like rain on his skin and he realizes that he can feel a familiar presence in his heart alongside a terrible emptiness.

"What are you trying to say, Miss Honda?" there is a hint of anger in his voice, as one who has had hope pulled away from them too many times.

Tohru swallowed, her hands beginning to shake. There was a weight on her soul and a fire inside her that was strange, like another soul swelling inside her body. She wanted to stop and understand what was so strange, but there was no time, she had to push forward. There was no one else anymore and there were only three days. "The Banquet has to be stopped."

"And how do you propose to do that when they can't even stop themselves from going?" said Kazuma. "I'm sorry Miss Honda, but you must see how unrealistic that is."

"They've resisted Akito before. Maybe they just need help, someone to try," Tohru said. Something was rising inside her, something like anger. Maybe it was just butterflies, but it coiled like a flame and when she blinked her vision flashed jade.

Kazuma shot back, "You don't understand. This is not like the New Year, or as simple as living away from the Main House. The Banquet is much more than that, a full summons. They have been waiting their entire lives for this event, trained since they were children to obey."

"But Akito has no right to use the Banquet as an excuse to imprison them!" she was shouting. The world was spinning but she could not stop. "They aren't animals, they shouldn't be forced to live in a cage. They deserve…they deserve to be given their own choices, not let Akito decide for them! As the head of the family it should be his responsibility to take care of them. That means treating them as humans, it means letting them be free! The Curse was always meant to tie together a family that loved each other, to make sure they would not be separated, even by death. The bonds were meant to be more, they were meant to be…" Tohru froze, breath catching in her throat. She couldn't speak. She couldn't see! Rolling out in front of her eyes was an ocean of jade and standing in the middle, the faintest suggestion of robes flickered around a body of shadows. It stepped towards her, one hand extended. She could feel it seizing her, taking her over.

"Miss Honda, what are you saying? Ties, bonds? How can you know such things about the Curse when…Miss Honda, Miss Honda?" Kazuma eyes widened as Tohru's mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Her body seized, every limb straightening as if stricken by paralysis. Her back arched and her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. Kazuma started to his feet, reaching out towards Tohru. Suddenly her eyes snapped forward, staring directly at him.

"The bond have been violated," Tohru's voice spoke but the words echoed like thunder through the room. "A new one must be made."

"What?" Kazuma said, terror turning his veins to ice. Tohru swayed and he reached out instinctively to catch her just as she collapsed. Her head lolled and he pressed a hand to her forehead, only to jerk back, his fingers tingling as if they had been electrocuted. Her eyes fluttered and for a split second there was no whites or irises, only glowing jade. "Miss Honda!" The hair on his arms stood on end and the air crackled with electricity.

Far away a girl with black hair like silk rocks forward, and her dark eyes suddenly filled with tears. She clutches at her heart and jumps to her feet. There are servants guarding her door. They feared she would run when she could not, but now she can. She can feel the sudden freedom inside her, joy and pain alternating with every beat of her heart. There is another presence there now, something else that might trap her, but she ignores it for the moment. They do not expect her to burst out the door, tearing down the hall at full tilt. Their cries fade behind her. She is running, flying. She is the Horse.

She is free.

"Miss Honda!" Kazuma shook Tohru's shoulders and the girl shivered, her eyes fluttering. The jade has vanished. Tohru struggled to pull herself upright with the back of a chair, tottering as she stood.

"Did I just faint?" she mumbled. She pressed a hand to her forehead, swaying. Kazuma caught her, pressing a hand to each shoulder and lowering his head to look into her eyes. Her face was pale and sweaty as if fevered.

"Miss Honda, you need a doctor," he said firmly.

"I feel strange," she said, and lurched forward. Kazuma steadied her and helped her kneel to the floor. She pressed both hands to her face, her breath coming in soft gasps. "What just happened?"

"I could ask you the same question. You something about the bond being violated and how a new one must be made," said Kazuma, struggling to keep his voice calm. "Miss Honda, I think you had a seizure of some sort. You were raving," he said, then added to himself, "You must have been raving…"

"I'm sorry, I don't...I don't remember. Perhaps I'm coming down with something," said Tohru vaguely.

"You should rest here for a few days. Forget about the Banquet. There is nothing you can do and worry is hurting your health," said Kazuma, "This matter will resolve itself regardless of your involvement."

Tohru looked up at him. She was still pale and shaking. The jade in her eyes had vanished, imagined perhaps. Yes, it must have been imagined. Now all that remained was steel. "No, that isn't good enough," she said.

Kazuma sighed. When would the girl give up? "What is your alternative?"

"We'll go tomorrow to free them. We only need to rescue one, Akito can't hold the Banquet without everyone there," she said.

"You're assuming they will want to come with us. How is kidnapping one of them any better than what Akito is doing?" said Kazuma.

"At least we can give them the chance to choose," said Tohru, "I don't think any of them want the Banquet to happen, not really. If we can delay it now maybe we can convince Akito to call it off." Kazuma frowned. It wasn't exactly hope, but then, he could not truly accept hope anymore. But they had nothing to lose.

"All right Miss Honda," said Kazuma, rising to his feet. "We will give it one last try." Her smile was like the sun and for a moment it overrode his despair and fear, the despair of losing Kyo and the fear of the jade that had flashed in her eyes.

Thousands of miles away, in a strange city and an unfamiliar bed, Momiji woke up with tears in his eyes. How he did not know, but he could feel both aching sorrow and love, pure love, as he realized that there was no darkness inside anymore. He knew this feeling, and though he did not know why he knew who, her name formed on his lips.

"Tohru." He smiled and whispered to the night air, "Thank you."

Author Note: Whew, glad to have this posted. I just wanted to point out that the evening that ended this chapter started during chapter 18. Yes, I have been aware of this and yes I'm relieved to have this extremely long in-story game finally end. After, the characters really need their sleep!

As always, reviews are the only payment I receive for the literally hundreds of hours of work I have put into this story. They are much appreciated and make me smile. So please leave one!