Okay, so this chapter took a very long time...oops...I'm really sorry! Writer's block and a perfectionist nature really don't mix...those, and laziness...and school...college pressure...volleyball...I'm just so tired! So, I'm really sorry if I held you guys in suspense or something...oops...maybe I should put aside Syd's death threats and start writing...

As usual, I don't own Harry Potter, and, like I said, those who say they do and are not J.K. Rowling are utter fools. Did I mention that I love Rowling's "rags-to-riches" story??!?!?! So inspiring! And such an encouragement for young kiddies to read! So, this is my shout-out: WAY TO GO, MS. ROWLING! YOU'RE AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL!

-A/R-

Ch. 25: An Icy Meditation

-A/R-

It took her quite some time to actually realize why she felt so cold, and quite longer for her to realize where in all of England she was at that moment.

But then she remembered how they had fallen, and she realized that she must have gone into shock because her heart was just now beginning to slow down from its previous alarming rate.

It was hard to see through the snow, and still harder to see when the stuff, icy-cold and wet, got into her eyes. She blinked, then made to move, groaning in the effort, when she suddenly remembered Remus.

His arms were still wrapped around her, but they were loose now. Aya tried to look behind her, to see his face, but the effort proved a bit much for her.

"Remus!" she called, her voice slightly choked with fear.

He didn't answer.

Panicking, she nearly screamed his name again, but he still remained silent. A rapid, frenzied energy filled her as panic took her. Freeing herself from him, Aya dug frantically through the snow, her fingers nearly blue with cold. She knew they would die shortly if they didn't start moving again. Gritting her teeth, she flung the snow about wildly and away from them, then reached down and pulled Remus carefully from the pile of snow, the effort in itself an agony to her body.

His lips were blue, his skin pale from cold. Nasty looking splinters from the tree clung to his shoulder, and his right wrist was swelling up, probably sprained. She shook him and yelled his name, but he didn't answer. Nearly wild with panic, she slapped him across the face, tears forming in her eyes.

"Remus! Please, look at me! Open your eyes, please!" she cried, shivering with cold and fear.

She sat back, trying to think of what to do, but her panicked fear was blinding her from a solution.

"'I must not fear,' " she whispered. "'Fear is the Mind-Killer.' "

Breathing deeply, she leaned forward over his face, then placed her cheek an inch from his mouth, trying to feel for breath. Nearly panicking again when she didn't feel his breath, she calmed herself, pinched his nose with her fingers, parted his lips with her other hand, and breathed deeply into him twice, glancing at the rise and fall of his chest. She stopped, then placed her cheek close to his lips; when nothing happened, she again pinched his nose and breathed into him.

Aya was just about to begin the second stage of CPR when Remus suddenly coughed, rolled over, and half-gagged, shivering all the while. Her heart feeling as if it would burst, she bent forward and wrapped her arms around him, then buried her face into his shoulder and cried.

Startled and half in shock, he turned his head towards her as she looked up at him, her face tear-streaked, her lips blue with cold.

Sniffing a little, she whispered, "We...have to...keep going...it's so...cold..."

Nodding, he tried to carry her again, but the effort proved too much for him as he fell back in the snow.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out. "We're...going to freeze...out here..."

We're going to die. She will die...

He sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for it to come.

Aya remained silent, trying to think of a solution through the mind-numbing cold. We have to do something, she thought earnestly. Something, anything! There's got to be something that'll keep him warm for a while...

She considered burying themselves under the snow like in The Call of the Wild, but knew that would only help temporarily.

It would buy us time, but it wouldn't save us. Anything that could just warm us up for the moment, give us some energy...

Realization dawned on her, but the solution frightened her.

Could...we...

Her logical self said that it would suffice for warmth alone, but her emotional self was hesitant at the memory of the previous evening.

She considered other options...but that solution kept returning, nagging at the back of her mind, churning her stomach. They were exhausted and dying...what else was there to do?

Come on, it's not like his feelings have changed at all anyway, her logical self told her. It'll save you both.

She knew she was succumbing to the desire in how she moved close to him, her heart hammering in her chest like a drum. Pushing herself half up, supported by her hands, she gazed at him, the way the morning sunlight played in his hair, his face serene with his eyes closed.

Even as she leaned down towards his chest, running her fingers through his hair, her emotional side screamed in her mind.

Whore, it screamed. Bloody bitch of a whore! What the hell would your mother think of you? Nothing but a whore!

But she defied the thought by kissing him as passionately as she had done on Christmas Day, but slower. She felt his body tense, his lips trembling. Taking it as a sign, she moved on top of him as softly as she could, ignoring the ache, gliding her fingers across his chest.

She rubbed her face against his, suddenly lost in her emotions, the desire so strong in her that it shut away all sense of fear and time. In that moment, she forgot everything, the cold, the fear, the pain; she existed for him.

She was ready...and she knew it fully.

"Aya..." he began, opening his eyes.

She kissed his cheek, her heart pounding, body begging for it.

"Remus," she whispered in his ear, the name sending a complete sense of pleasure through her that warmed her suddenly, invitingly.

"Aya, what're you..."

"Sh..." she whispered, tracing her fingers around his shoulders.

The world seemed serenely quiet to her at the moment; she enjoyed the silence, wanting it to last forever and more. She smiled.

"Remus," she whispered again in his ear.

Again she rubbed her cheek softly against his.

"Make love to me..."

She felt his body relax, then tense, then relax again, his hands lying at his side. He shifted his eyes to her, watching the sudden change in her storm-grey eyes. They were mingled with a fierce emotion of something he had never seen in her, and he realized suddenly that they weren't the eyes he really knew. It seemed all wrong to him – the situation, the snow, last night, all of it.

"Aya," he whispered.

She snuggled closer to him at the sound of her name, a smile on her face.

"We can't," he said, shaking his head.

She tensed and gazed up at him, her eyes filling with lustful hurt.

"Why not?" she pleaded.

"Aya, we just can't," he answered. "I can't...do that to you...not after..."

Tears formed in her eyes and softly came down her cheeks.

"But...why?" she begged, burying her face in his chest. "That's what you wanted...it's what I want!"

He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close, then sat up with a pained effort. "Not now, Aya," he said after a time, his teeth chattering. She sighed unhappily. "Listen to reason, Aya!"

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around him, clinging to the emotion, wanting him to answer as she wanted him to answer.

But he held back, refusing to accept her kiss, passionate and lustful though it was.

"Aya, you're not...yourself," he whispered. "We can't...we're just...too young...and what if you had a child?"

"I wouldn't care," she answered arrogantly, teasingly. She leaned closer into him, an odd smile on her face that chilled him, her eyes glistening in a way he had never seen.

"Yes, you would!" he said angrily. "We're only sixteen, Aya! We're still kids!"

"But...but I just..."

"No."

It was a final statement that brought silence from them both. Embarrassed in her sudden realization of her own arrogance, Aya shied away from him and sat shivering and staring at the snow, hugging her knees. Remus sighed and gazed at her, watching the slow yet gradual change in her eyes – that fierce emotion to the softer eyes he knew.

Softly, he lay back in the snow, defeated at last, his eyes closed. "I'm sorry, Aya," he said after a time. "I just can't go any further..."

She leaned against him in exhaustion, pain cutting through her leg as she trembled in the effort. As they lay there quietly in each other's arms, Aya battled with her own emotions, confusion reigning most in her heart.

What was that? Why did I...act like that?

The thought chilled her.

But, is sex really that bad? Why does everyone take sex as a bad connotation? It's just a simple act of joining two people...what's so wrong about it? I just...don't understand...

She shook her head.

What a powerful desire...yet so many people find it condescending...and yet beautiful. It's like sex is its own oxymoron! How terribly strange...

She felt as if her mind was drifting from her body, as if she was suddenly being lifted upwards, feeling suddenly warm, warmer than she ever expected. And always she felt a suspicion that Bilbo himself was sitting across from her in his armchair, pressing for a continuation to the story.

"I just want to sleep," she mumbled, barely audible now. "Just...sleep, Bilbo..."

A nagging something in the back of her mind told her she wasn't Frodo, this was not Lord of the Rings, and Bilbo Baggins certainly was not asking her questions.

Then why do I feel so tired, yet so warm? I could just sleep forever...it feels like warm morning sunlight shining in through my open window in my room at home...but that was a really long time ago...

She knew her mind was wandering aimlessly, memories upon memories surfacing. And she succumbed to all of them, her mind sharply drugged.

I'm dying, she realized suddenly, but it didn't seem as that great of a shock, as if she would say 'It's sunny.' We're both dying...

She closed her eyes in bliss.

Has death come for me at last, merely prolonged all these years? I must have truly cheated death that night...oh, I was a foolish little girl then, and I'm a foolish little girl now. How horribly beautiful life is, then.

Smiling faintly, she opened her eyes to a blurred vision. Right then, dark mingled with light to such a degree as to be undistinguishable. She felt a sigh escape her as the warmth in her body spread.

At last I can rest...and thank heaven for it...death in life, life in death...it's all the same, really...

She knew in a dulled state that something was crashing through the trees near them, but it sounded far away to her. There were voices, too, distinctly muffled. Completely lost, she succumbed to whatever was pulling her upwards with strong arms, pulling her away from this world at last.

But she had no strength to smile or sigh, merely to close her eyes.

Someone was saying something near her, and someone else answered. A new sensation of warmth was wrapped around her as she drifted away.

A blanket...

The thought lulled her to sleep, even as she heard someone saying something strange about finally finding them...we finally found them! Dear God, I hope they're alright!

And Aya had no idea of who "they" were...

Nor did she really care.

-A/R-

I'M SOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER! I APOLOGIZE GREATLY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME...and please review?