Doc Martin belongs to Buffalo Pictures. This is a work of fiction and is for entertainment only. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks again to abbybuk.

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Chapter 25

The next day being New Year's Day, Martin and Louisa were home with James Henry. They enjoyed a rather lazy morning, although Martin did some laundry and tidied some things around the house that had been bothering him for several days. This was one small thing that used to become large that had required careful negotiation with Louisa, and some help from their therapist. Louisa's ideas of tidy and Martin's were very different. Each had given in on some issues and both tried to respect the other and generally it worked very well, although Martin, from time to time, would get very anxious about certain things and just have to tidy up. Louisa had learned to go and do something else and not watch so that she would not get upset. After all, the organization always helped her in the long run.

When James Henry lay down for an afternoon nap, Louisa decided to pull out a novel she had been trying to read, and Martin went into the consulting room for some time alone and to work on a clock. He gave Louisa a kiss on the cheek before he left her on the couch, and she pinched his bum when he turned around, which earned her a growl. She giggled and focused on her book as Martin walked away shaking his head.

While Martin was getting out the clock, opening it up, and rolling out his tools, he began to reflect on the fact that this was indeed a new year. Amazing, now that he had a child, how fast time went by. James Henry would be in school before he knew it; he realized that. And while that would make some things easier, he wanted to enjoy the time he had with his son as a little one. Abby had helped him to realize, much more so than anything at medical school, just how important this time of life was for James' future development.

After working with he and Louisa for weeks to develop trust between the three of them, Abby had taken her time to discuss certain aspects of child development with them both. Obviously they both had certain types of training in that area, but having never had a child of their own, had known these things "in their heads" but not "in their hearts." If so, they would probably have recognized some of the harm from their own childhoods long before they finally did.

Following this, Abby had worked with both, but especially Martin, on the mindfulness issue. This was especially hard for Martin, as he spent so much time "in his own head," and to be mindful he had to really work hard to observe his thoughts, emotions and body sensations without judgment. He found observing emotions particularly difficult because it took him so long just to name them. He might be able to tell that his body was feeling different than it had an hour ago, but then to figure out what he was feeling that likely caused his body to change was almost impossible at times. For someone used to being one of, if not the most intelligent person in a group, this was humblng for him. He had finally had to make a list for himself of things he frequently felt, and consult it when he was having a hard time naming an emotion.

Martin remembered one day when Bert had come into the surgery about his back. This had happened so frequently that it drove Martin mad. When Bert came in and started talking, Martin, who had been trying to practice being mindful for about two months, noticed that he was tensing up, his mouth was grimacing and he was gritting his teeth together. His breathing was changing too. He knew that the next thing was that he was likely to begin yelling, calling Bert names and telling him to get out.

That day, however, thanks to the mindfulness, he was able to slow his breathing, stop grinding his teeth and think. Was there anything he could say to Bert that would help him? Not likely. He could, however, show the man some kindness and send him on his way with something positive to think about. So Doctor Martin Ellingham, much to Bert's surprise, had merely listened, nodding his head once in a while, examined his back a bit and offered some physical things to try that might help. He told Bert that he hoped he had a very nice day and to take things easy, but keep moving whenever he had a chance.

Bert was so astonished that his mouth dropped open. Martin just waited on him and said nothing. At last Bert closed his mouth, held out his hand to shake, and walked out, thanking the Doc for his time. Martin knew that he didn't help Bert really, but just listening seemed as good as yelling at him and at least he, Martin, didn't feel that he was going "round the twist" as the teenagers said, after Bert left. He was calm for the next patient.

With Louisa, Martin saw the biggest change when he was particularly mindful. He had begun to notice, not long after the therapy had started, that he tensed up so much if she began to get angry. When she would even start to raise her voice, which she did very quicky, he could feel himself beginning to stiffen. So, with advice from Abby, Martin would ask Louisa how angry she really was, tell her that he was tensing up, and usually this had the effect of reminding her to be mindful as well. She would then attempt to soften her voice, tell him the level of her anger - which usually wasn't very much after she thought about it - and they could then just talk about the issue. Or, if she was really angry, they would try to calm down and take a moment to remind each other that no one was going anywhere, and that they could find a compromise. Then they would begin to talk until they did, in fact, find one.

It was amazing to realize that the fear of being left, or left out, drove so much of their anger at each other. Being neglected had taken such a toll on both of them and now that they could interrupt that cycle that led to the fear getting too intense, their relationship was so much easier.

These things took a toll on Martin's available time however. He had begun early on to take an anti-depressant medication along with a low dose of a benzodiazepine under the supervision of a psychiatrist in Truro whom Aunt Ruth's colleague suggested. The medications along with the therapy requirements took up a lot of energy, especially at first, but gradually the depression had begun to lift and he had begun to sleep normally. Sleeping and treating his underlying depression made Martin a much easier person to live with, Louisa had noticed after about 4 weeks. Later he had gotten to a point that he could taper down and off of the benzo and was now on a much lower dose of the anti-depressant. He did not like relying on medications but Ruth had asked him, as she had asked countless numbers of other patients, if he had diabetes, he would surely take insulin, wouldn't he?

So, now Martin took time for himself like this when he could. He and Louisa both found that a bit of time alone was restorative after their intense efforts. They could then get back together and feel refreshed. This had made a great deal of difference in Louisa's "prescription" which she had indeed written for Martin. Her first item, "make love more often," had been a wonderful dose of joy into two lives that had not had much joy before, though neither one could take this dose 5 times per day, Martin chuckled to himself.

Martin finished rolling out his tools and got to work on his clock. James Henry would awaken soon and he wanted to have that dance with Louisa at some point today. He had promised.