16 August 2013

"Okay , guys , watch this." Jerry instructed.

Noah looked at Cristina and she looked at him.

They were both on either sides of Jerry's hospital bed , waiting for his big surprise.

"Just watch my feet."

They looked down and both of their faces lit up at the sight of Jerry wiggling his toes.

"That is amazing!"

"It seriously is!"

The pilot smiled. "Thank you , thank you. I'll be here all week."

Cristina laughed and dragged a chair to his bed and plopped down in it.

Noah did the same on the other side of the bed.

"How are you feeling , Cristina?"

Cristina looked over to Jerry. She couldn't really see him because he was covered in equipment that ensured his spine remained still and that he wasn't able to move.

"I'm good. After your little show , I'm feeling better."

"I'm glad."

"How many surgeries do you have left?" She shifted the conversation away from her.

"Well , Dr Shepherd said that if the movement in my legs improve , I'll have two more surgeries left. If not , there will probably be more."

Cristina nodded. "If it helps at all , Shepherd is the best there is. You're in good hands." She assured him.

"That's what everyone's been telling me so it has to be true." Jerry moved his eyes towards Noah. "How about you? How are you feeling?"

Noah smiled. "I'm not doing too bad. Dr Torres said that my leg is healing well and so is my wrist so , I can't complain."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

The air changed in the room and all three of them were silent.

"Guys ," Jerry spoke up. "I would like to apologize if all of this was my fault in any away. I am so sorry."

Cristina came to stand by his side. "This was not your fault Jerry." She assured him. "And even if it was , it's not like you crashed the plane on purpose."

Noah stood up. "And out of the three of us , you're the one who suffered the most so , it would really suck for you if you did do this on purpose."

Jerry laughed.

"Don't beat yourself up over this." Cristina smiled slightly. "Okay?"

"Okay."

Cristina sat down again. "So , what's on the hospital menu for lunch?"

Noah was just about to answer when Bailey came in.

"What are you still doing here?" She looked at Cristina.

"I'm visiting Jerry and discussing lunch." She pointed at the pilot.

"Well , you should be at home. I checked with Torres and Shepherd and they both agreed that you could go home. You got discharged an hour ago."

"Well , no one told me."

"I'm telling you now." She said in a very Bailey way. "Go home , Yang."

Cristina stood up and walked towards the door. "Okay , okay. I'm going. Keep your pants on."

She walked pass Bailey and headed towards her room.

Miranda turned back to Noah and Jerry and found that they were staring at her.

"What are you both looking at?"

Noah held his hands up in front of him. "Nothing , Ma'am."

"I can't even see you over these things." Jerry defended himself.

Bailey looked at them once more and then nodded.

As she left the room , she smiled. "I still got it."

\

Cristina sat on her bed , a plastic bag full of brand new clothes next to her.

She wasn't ready to go home.

She wasn't even sure where home was.

Was she suppose to go back to Alex's

Or was Owen taking her to the firehouse?

Was she going to stay at Owen's trailer

Or was she going to live at the McDream house for a while?

She wasn't sure she belonged anymore.

She wasn't ready.

She wasn't ready to go to a place with less people to keep her mind off of her haunting thoughts.

She wasn't ready to go to a place without pain meds to help her sleep.

She wasn't ready to face every day life.

Not yet.

She wanted to stay where she was.

She wanted to stay where there were bright lights and where there were people around her without actually being around her. She could watch them through her window and the knowledge that there were people out there and that she wasn't alone was some how comforting.

She wanted to stay.

But she couldn't.

Not when Owen was wheeling a wheelchair into her room and Meredith was smiling brightly next to him.

Not when she was being offered Derek's hand and being helped into the wheelchair.

And not when she was being applauded by the hospital staff and her friends as Owen wheeled out her of the hospital and into his truck.

She couldn't stay.

She had to go and live her life.

Because she was alive. She had survived.

She had survived what so many hadn't and she was suppose to be grateful.

But how was she suppose to be grateful when images of cramped cockpits and bloody t-shirts and hundreds of dead bodies , kept flooding her mind.

She looked over at Owen as he started the car.

He smiled at her and she gave him a faint smile back.

"Ready to go home?" He asked her.

She looked over at the hospital and then back at him. Her answer was a lie but that was okay because he didn't have to know the truth. It wouldn't make a difference. She nodded. "I'm ready."

\

Turns out home was the firehouse.

It was a weird feeling seeing that place after such a long time.

She hadn't been there ever since that night.

The night that changed everything.

It all felt like a lifetime ago.

She climbed the stairs slowly , Owen patiently following behind her.

When she reached the top , she dropped her bag in the usual spot and then took a few more steps inside.

The house was a lot colder than what she remembered.

She came to the conclusion that no one had been using it for a while.

She turned around to Owen because she honestly had no idea what do with herself.

He had a faint smile on his lips. He reached his arms out to his sides. "Welcome home."

\

He gently removed her sling and then helped her out of her clothes.

He took her hand and then assisted her as she climbed into the bathtub.

Her shoulder wasn't completely healed yet so bathing herself was out of the question.

"Do you want to soak for a while? Want me to leave you alone?"

She nodded.

"Okay , then."

He was about to walk out of the bathroom but she spoke up. "But... Uh.. Don't leave."

He looked back at her and then nodded.

He walked back over to her and then sat down with his back against the tub and rested his head on the edge.

He heard her shift as she slowly sunk down completely into the water.

She closed her eyes and allowed the hot water to drain the remaining exhaustion out of her bones.

She finally started to relax.

After days of unbelievable stress and anxiety , her body was calming down and the feeling was amazing.

Everything was quiet as she laid completely still.

Suddenly , she was crashing again. Blood was all around her , Dead bodies were laid out in front of her and animals were being killed. She could hear the sound of flesh being torn again and their growls and howls and cries.

Her eyes flew open but the images wouldn't go away.

She tried to sit up but the sudden movement caused her shoulder to pain and she fell back. She let go of her breath and she reached out her hand , trying to grip whatever she could.

Owen jumped up. He grabbed her underneath the water and pulled her into a sitting position.

She came up searching for air , her eyes frantic.

She fell against Owen and clung to him.

He held her against him and stroked her hair. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I just closed my eyes for two seconds." His voice was desperate. "I'm so sorry." He repeated.

She didn't say anything. She just held onto him , still trying to catch her breath.

"I'm so sorry." He said again.

She buried her head into his neck , trying her best to get rid of the stubborn memories that wouldn't leave her alone.

\

Owen hung up the phone and turned to Cristina on the bed. "That was Derek. They're coming over for dinner. Meredith's cooking."

"Mer's cooking?"

Owen smiled. "Okay , we might be having take out."

Cristina smiled faintly back at him. She looked at him for a while. She opened her mouth to speak and Owen thought she was about to confess something. "I'm staying in my pj's." She stated. "I'm not changing."

Owen smiled again and then walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Whatever your heart desires."

\

An hour later , the four of them were seated around the dinning room table , finishing off the Chinese food the Shepherds had brought over.

Owen looked over at Cristina and her smile was a little brighter and her voice was a little stronger. She was actually holding a conversation with Meredith and Derek about whether Derek should be allowed to get a helicopter and helipad on their property.

Derek said something to Owen , asking for his agreement and Owen replied "yes , of course." And then laughed even though he had no idea what his friend had just said.

He looked back at Cristina and she seemed better.

Better than she was less than two hours ago.

He wondered if her demeanor was a result of his presence. Was it awkward or upsetting for her to be around him? Did she rather want to go and stay with Meredith or Alex rather than her ex-husband? His heart sunk at the thought that she felt forced to be there with him , that she was just staying there because she felt obligated and she was too sensitive towards his feelings to tell him that she wanted out.

But then she looked at him and smiled. She smiled a smile that brought his heart back up to it's original position and took away all doubt. He decided that none of those things could be true because a woman who gave a man such a loving look like the one Cristina was giving him , couldn't and wouldn't come from someone who was being held hostage.

"Let's go up to the roof." Meredith suggested. "We haven't been up there in a while."

Cristina agreed and Owen told them he would join them in a minute.

Meredith grabbed the bottle of wine and Cristina took the glasses as the women headed up the stairs to the roof.

Owen watched them disappear and then picked up the dirty plates and went to deposit them in the sink.

Derek came to stand beside him as Owen started washing the dishes.

"So ," Derek looked up towards the roof. "How is she?"

"Cristina?"

"Yeah."

"I... I don't know." Owen answered honestly.

"What do you mean." Derek reached over to the bowl of grapes next to him and popped one in his mouth.

Owen looked over to Derek , unsure if he should reveal what had just happened to her before their arrive. Owen looked back down at the task before him as he spoke. "She had an episode before you guys came."

Derek knitted his brows. "An episode?"

"Yeah. I think she had a flash back or something. She had a complete panic attack."

Derek nodded and folded his arms across his chest. "She seems fine now." He shrugged.

"But that's the thing. She was fine at the hospital as well but the moment she got home she was... different."

Owen rinsed the plates , left them to dry and then picked up the dish cloth next to the sink and dried his hands. He then mimicked Derek's posture.

"Well , PTSD is very common in trauma patients." He looked over at Owen. "We all know a little something about that."

"You can say that again."

They were quiet.

Derek looked over at Owen again and patted him on the shoulder. "Hey , everything will work out. She'll be okay and you'll be okay and we're all going to be just fine."

Owen looked at his friend. "You're starting to sound like Meredith when she's in denial."

Derek laughed. "Yeah , well." Derek stood up straight. "Now let's get up there before those women challenge one another to jump from building to building."

\

Owen climbed into bed and then pulled Cristina against his chest.

He had removed his shirt because he knew she slept better when they were skin to skin.

He kissed her neck and then her shoulder.

"Tonight was good." She stated. "I missed this house."

"You use to hate it."

"Yeah but you loved it."

"I did."

Owen listened to her breathing for a while and thought she was about to fall asleep but then she spoke up. "It was dark."

He looked down at her and saw that her eyes were closed.

"In the woods." She elaborated. "It was very dark." He waited. "I was... Afraid." She was quiet for a moment. "And exhausted. So exhausted."

He didn't say anything because he didn't want to frighten her back into silence. So he just listened and waited patiently as she spoke.

"There were so many stars in the sky." She continued. "And it was so cold." She grabbed his hand that was already around his waist and pulled it tighter around her. "I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to. Even during the day. I was afraid they would come back." He watched her face in the light of the moon as her brows knitted and her eyes shut even tighter. "I was afraid the wolves would come back and we wouldn't be prepared."

Owen stopped breathing for a second. "Wolves?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah."

He waited again but she didn't say anything else.

Instead , she turned into his chest and held him tight.

He ran his hand through her hair as she kissed his chest and then looked up into his eyes.

Her sad eyes and pouty mouth took his breath away. She was so beautiful even when she was sad and afraid and he was about to tell her that but then she looked away and rested her forehead against his chest.

"That's enough story time for one night." She said softly.

A few minutes later , she was softly snoring into his chest.

He held her even tighter and softly promised her that she would get better and that he would be there for her every step of the way because that's what she had done for him. He ended off his promise with a light kiss to her lips.

She mumbled something incoherent in her sleep which mostly sounded like cursing and then she was quiet again.

Owen smiled and wondered for how much longer he would be able to enjoy her dirty mouth and whether he'd get many more wonderful moments like the ones he was experiencing at that moment with her in his arms and her lightly cursing under her breath.

/

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