Breathe. I remind myself to breathe as I glance at my younger sister, sitting on the edge of the hospital chair with a panicked look covering her face. Melanie sits next to her, her fingers nervously playing with something inside her purse, her lips pursed in the same way Ava's are. She lets out a long, shaky breath as she maintains eye contact with me. "How do you feel?"

I don't reply to Melanie, I just look at Carly and Freddie with raised eyebrows, taking a deep breath. Everybody is silent for a minute. I'm almost calm until I hear the doctor clear his throat, locking his eyes with mine. "Are you ready for your cesarean section?"

I nod softly, glancing at my stomach one last time before a few nurses set up a blue curtain in front of me. I uneasily look at Freddie, squeezing his hand tight as I try to stay awake. The shot in my spinal cord the doctors gave me didn't only numb an entire half of my body, it made me completely exhausted.

The mood in here is nothing like a normal delivery room. My two sisters are nervously twisting their fingers and my boyfriend has one hand covering his forehead, only his eyes peaking out to gaze at me worriedly. Carly's upper lip is clamping down on her bottom one and I can tell she's searching for the right words to say. Right now, not even she can find them.

I'm focused on keeping my breathing steady, trying to fill my head with positive thoughts. Not only positive- but thoughts that aren't about Owen. I don't want to think about what's going to happen after the C-section. I'd much rather think about the fact that I haven't had a real conversation with Freddie in weeks, how I'm not sure what our relationship has become. Or my sister's alcoholism, the mere fact that she has been nervously drinking out of a flask every time the doctor exits the room. Maybe I'll even think about my mother, knowing that sooner or later she's going to want to come to New York and meet these damn children. But no. I'm not going to let myself think about the kids. I don't want to think about how long we're going to have to leave Owen in the hospital or how I'm going to handle taking care of Lucas while trying to visit him every day. Those thoughts are only going to make me more nervous- which is something I don't know if I can handle. These painkillers are making me over think. Or maybe I'm just actually over thinking everything. I'm not completely sure.

I take another deep breath, trying not to look at the doctors who are currently cutting my stomach open. I glare at Ava instead, noticing how she tries to sneak a glance at my stomach, cringing immediately after moving her head. She whispers something to Melanie, and I watch as Mel nods in response, raising an eyebrow at Freddie. "Uh, we're gonna go out...to the waiting room. You don't mind...do you?"

I don't feel like responding, Fredward does it for me with a supple nod. "We'll uh, we'll tell you when," He mutters, taking a deep breath and squeezing my hand. "you know."

Carly adjusts her position next to him with a sigh. Her eyes meet mine as I lay back, attempting to keep my breathing intact.

A doctor peers at me from behind the blue curtain with a solemn expression. "Feeling alright, Sam?" I just nod slowly as he mutters "Okay, we're just about ready to take Owen out." I purse my lips and look down as he finishes with "We'll have to immediately take him to an incubator where we will try to test his heart as soon as possible."

I shake my head, willing myself not to cry as I look at Freddie, whose head immediately collapses in his hands. I bite my lip and look at Carly, her eyes sympathetic and wide. She immediately directs her gaze to the doctors, watching intently as they pull Owen out. "Wow..." She mumbles, moving a quick hand over her mouth. "Sam...he's so small."

And he is small. My eyes follow my little baby boy as a nurse cradles his crimson body, walking fast with him in her arms. He has a little bit of dark brown hair on his head. And he's so small. He doesn't look like any baby I've seen before, he's tiny. Way too tiny.

"Wow." Carly mumbles, meeting her eyes with mine and tearing them away quickly to look at Owen. A nurse weighs him and widens her eyes, whispering something to the doctor quickly. I'm only able to hear my son's echoing screams for a minute, as a few doctors place him in an incubator and roll him to another wing in the hospital.

Ava is the first to speak up. "Where are they taking him? Is he okay?"

One of the female doctors glances at a male doctor uneasily before transferring her glare to Freddie. "He's going to the intensive care unit, they'll be running some tests on his heart."

I take a deep breath and try to stop my eyes from glazing over with tears. It doesn't take long for me to notice the way Freddie grasps the edge of his chair, his lip red from how hard he was biting it. "Sam..." I hear him whisper, pursing my own lips as his eyes become glassy.

"Time of birth is 9:56 pm." A doctor mutters as she looks at my stomach, nodding softly. "Go ahead with the next one."

"How much does he weigh?" I whisper.

"He's around 4 pounds and 2 ouches." The doctor sees my horrified expression and smiles warmly. "Don't worry, honey." She pauses with an unsure sigh. "He's going to be okay."

I again remind myself to breathe, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. I notice as Melanie and Ava walk slowly back in the room. Mel's face falls as soon as she sees me, and my younger sister's eyes widen. "That was him!" She exclaims, shaking her head as she forcefully let's an arm smack on the bedside table. "He was so little." Ava whispers, looking up at Melanie. "Wasn't he little, Mel?"

"You guys saw Owen?" I mumble, attempting to make eye contact with my twin sister.

"Shh, Sam." is all she replies with, sitting back in her chair next to my bed with Ava by her side.

"How'd he look?" I wonder anyway, knowing the answer isn't going to be any different than what I was expecting.

Melanie tears her gaze away from me and looks out the window instead, staring at the dark New York City skyline. I watch her intently, enough to notice the way she bites her lip and grips Ava's hand. Enough to know that Owen did not look good.

The sound of more screaming fills the room and makes me move my eyes to the doctors standing around my stomach. One of them is holding a little boy. Still red and crying, but not nearly as small as Owen. He already has a full head of dark brown hair that makes me lock eyes with Freddie. The doctor's voice is softer this time. "10:00 pm."

Freddie squeezes my hand at these words. I clamp my teeth over my lip and watch as a nurse takes Lucas in her arms and walks to the corner of the room to weigh him and wash him off. The doctor looks at me with raised eyebrows. "We're just gonna stitch you up now, Sam. You'll be able to hold him in a few minutes."

"Okay." I whisper, trying to sneak another glance at my son, even if it forces me to catch a glimpse of my bloody, cut open stomach. A shiver erupts over my body and I decide to look at Freddie instead, noticing his glassy eyes as he shakes his head at me.

"He's got hair." He says quietly. "So does Owen. Not as much, but um-"

"I know." I interrupt, letting out a shaky breath. "Hair." I repeat, feeling a tear drip down my face. "That's so..." I don't have the ability to finish my sentence before my face crumbles and Freddie attempts to move an arm around me, almost interfering with the doctors stitching my stomach. Another teardrop lands on my blue hospital gown and I sigh, burying my face into his chest. "I love you." My voice is muffled in his shirt. "You know that."

"I love you too, Sam." He says softly. "They'll be okay. We'll be-"

He's cut off by a nurse who asks "Would you like to hold him, Freddie?"

His eyes immediately lock with mine and I nod eagerly, staring at the little boy Freddie slowly collects in his arms. He doesn't say anything for a minute and I bite my lip, watching as he takes one long look at Lucas and hands him to Carly, putting his head in his hands with a long sigh.

Carly's crying now too, something I'm not at all surprised about. She snuggles Lucas in her arms and shakes her head. Melanie and Ava got up at some point to walk over and stare at him, and Ava's got a small smile on her face, while Mel is trying to hold one back.

"Here." Carly whispers to Freddie as he fully moves his head back up. "He's your son."

Freddie's face is bright red and wet with tears he just cried as he replies "Yeah." He moves a hand over his mouth as he carefully moves Lucas back in his arms. "Wow. He really is." I shake my head as he nearly loses it again, gaining just enough composure to keep cradling our son, leaning down every few seconds to kiss him on the forehead with muffled whispers.

"He just looks like you!" Ava nods at Freddie with a soft smile, moving her own delicate hand over Lucas's tiny forehead. "I love him."

I glance at Melanie, who stands next to Ave as they stand around Lucas with overwhelmed expressions. Her face is wet with tears as she holds our younger sister's shoulders. Her gaze meets mine mine I raise an eyebrow. "He's perfect, Sam." She whispers. "I mean it."

The doctor's voice moves my glance to the end of the bed. "You're all stitched up, Samantha."

I just mumble the question that has been running through my head this entire time. "How's Owen?" I demand. "Do you know?"

She bites her lip and her eyes immediately become sympathetic. "He's in critical care, they're running tests on his heart. It'll only be a few days until you get to see him, sweetheart."

I let out a large breath of air at this statement. I knew that, the doctor told me it would happen. But now, in this moment, with my one son laying in Freddie's arms and the other in pain at the opposite side of the hospital? It seems all too real. I just gnaw on my cheek until I feel the taste of blood and lock eyes with Freddie.

He sighs. "Here, baby..." He whispers and I notice another tear make it's way down his face. "Meet your beautiful momma."

"Hi, Lukey." I whisper as Fredward hands him to my arms, noticing everyone's eyes move towards me. Lucas has a full head of dark hair already, and Ava's right, he sort of does look like Freddie. They have the same eyes, from what I can tell Lucas's will be brown. His eyes are small right now and he hardly can open them, but he's still so beautiful.

A doctor calls out "6 pounds 4 ounces."

I feel myself tear up as I cradle my son, making eye contact with Freddie every few seconds. I'm so unbelievably happy to be meeting Lucas, a healthy, 6 pound baby boy. And I want to be the best mom I can be to him, I wholeheartedly do. But my mind wanders to Owen again, and I can't stop it this time. It kills me to think about him, how long it will take him to get better, if he'll ever fully recover. Melanie shakes her head, letting a tear roll down her face again, like she knows exactly what I'm thinking. She runs a finger over Lucas's tiny hand, grasping it softly.

"He's beautiful, Sam." She repeats. "So remarkably beautiful."

"Can I...I hold him?" Ava mumbles before Mel can even take another breath. She eyes Carly, who lifts herself off the chair and offers it to my younger sister.

"Yeah, Ave." I reply, carefully handing Lucas over from the bed. "You're an aunt." I attempt to give her a soft smile.

Ava holds back a grin, smoothing her own brown hair as she cradles her nephew in her arms, staring at his tiny face.

Carly glances at Freddie and mutters "You wanna get a soda with me real quick?" She runs her eyes over my two sisters and I and gives him an encouraging nod. I know that she's trying to give the three of us time together with Lucas and I smile at her with gratitude, watching as Freddie and her walk out of the room.

"You're gonna be a really good auntie, Ava." Mel mumbles, sitting in Freddie's chair and running her hand over our younger sister's hair.

"You think so?" She asks with a small laugh and shake of her head. "I've never had anyone younger to take care of."

"Hey," I mutter. "neither have I. Not until you came along."

Ava shrugs and I raise an eyebrow, whispering "I love you, Ave." I watch as she moves her eyes up to lock with mine. "And I'm sorry about all the...stuff we go through at home. It sort of sucks, I uh, I know. But we're trying to get things together the best we can. And you have your audition next week for that amazing school. There's only a month until school starts, and to think that you could be starting there..." I trail off with a sigh. "I guess what I'm saying is that it isn't going to be bad like this for long. Now we've got a few reasons to keep everybody happy, huh? I can think of two pretty good ones."

"And Ave," Melanie pauses, glancing at me before she continues to talk. "I know that your mom would be so proud of you right now, with your violin and everything." Ava looks back down at Lucas, moving a finger to smooth his brown hair. "I mean...she is proud of you. She always is." Mel stops talking abruptly, moving a hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying.

When Ava looks back up, her eyes are glassy. Before I know it mine are as well.

"You know," Melanie whispers, quiet enough that not even Ava can hear. "I don't really mean to make your life complete shit."

"Yeah," I give her a smile as I take Lucas back into my arms, cradling his tiny, warm body, smiling down at the small blue towel the doctors dressed him in. "I know."

I stare at his face again, shaking my head. He is so beautiful. It's almost astonishing to me, how much I love this little person I met less than 45 minutes ago. It feels weird. Different than anything I've ever felt before.

Talking to my sisters seemed to get my mind off of Owen for a minute, but of course he's still there. It's driving me insane not being able to hold him the same way I'm holding Lucas. Not only that. I want to know his condition, how his heart looks. I don't want it to be worse than the predicted, because I don't know what that means. Maybe he'll have one surgery and he'll be okay. Maybe he'll need a few and he'll be okay, I just want him to be okay.

My mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts I'm not sure I can control and I take a deep breath, eyeing Melanie and Ava. Mel taps her foot and Ava smooths her hair, both of them trying to avoid my long glance. I know that right now, we're all thinking about Owen. Carly and Freddie, standing in the waiting room until they each get time to spend with me, they are thinking of him too. He's not going to leave any of our minds for awhile, not until he's completely healthy. It's easy to worry about a newborn child like this, seeing as he was born with this condition and will probably continue to deal with it for a long time.

Finally, Ave looks up with a deflated sigh. "Is he gonna be okay?" She asks softly, referring to Owen.

"I don't know, Ave." I whisper, glancing back down at Lucas and giving him a soft kiss on the forehead. "I wish I could tell you...but..."

"Yeah." Melanie interjects, keeping her gaze on me as she talks to our younger sister. "He's gonna be okay."

"Okay." Ava replies, not seeming satisfied yet as she bites her lip. "Do you want me to pray for him?"

Melanie and I exchange another glance. "Yeah." I whisper. "I do," I clear my throat. "I want you to pray for him."

The door opens again and I notice Freddie, running a hand through his hair and nodding at me. My sisters get up, Mel raising a quick eyebrow at me as they walk out of the room, leaving Fredward and I alone. I let the silence pass between the two of us before I sniffle, holding Lucas out for him to take. "He's been asleep this whole time." I mutter. "Are they usually this calm?" Freddie just shrugs and rests a hand on my shoulder, scooping the baby up with the other.

"Did you hear anything yet?"I whisper.

He nods softly. "Yeah. They uh, they started running tests on his heart. He officially has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, just like the doctor initially said." Freddie says quietly, curling his lips before saying anything else. I can tell that he can't say anything else without bursting into tears, keeping his lips tight and the air in the room quiet.

"Did...did they say anything else?" I ask shakily, glancing at Lucas instead of Fredward.

He shakes his head, his worried eyes meeting mine as he shakes his head. "Nothing else, Sam." One hand holds the baby and another grips his forehead as I watch another tear roll down his cheek. "Nothing else."

Hope you liked the chapter, even though it was a little sad. Please remember to review, reviews really do help me and motivate me to write.

Again, sorry about taking so long to update this week. I've been super busy with school work and cramming for all the tests my teachers are throwing in right before finals. I'm done with school in less than a month, so hopefully I'll be back on my schedule of updating almost every three days in no time! Yeah, so thanks for reading and please review!