Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.
The Quick and the Dread or Rest in Pieces
Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle have escaped from the terrible trio in a noticeably large and creepy Pottsylvanian cemetery.
Bullwinkle: No kidding. It's no wonder that one of the previous titles was called "The Longest Graveyard"!
Narrator: This frantic yet reasonably careful chase was caused by our heroes obtaining a spooky secret formula known as Ectoplasmium.
Natasha: I guess the Ectoplasmium isn't exactly a secret anymore now that Moose and Squirrel have it.
Boris: And when word gets out, especially from that blabbermouth Moose, no one will fall for our scam about the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist.
Fearless Leader: That is why you and Natasha need to steal it back.
Boris: Why me? Go get it yourself!
Fearless Leader: If you weren't already suffering from a misfortune, I'd shoot you for that.
Narrator: In an attempt to catch the Moose and Squirrel, Boris was foiled when Bullwinkle unwittingly used his head as a football for a good old fashioned Wossamotta U touchdown.
Narrator: Natasha and Fearless Leader help Boris get out of a hole that he got into caused by the "touchdown".
Fearless Leader: Now that Natasha and I got your hapless snivelling self out of the hole, get back to work by killing Moose und Squirrel.
Boris: Yes, boss.
Narrator: During the chase, Bullwinkle signals for a time out.
Bullwinkle: Stop! Sanctuary!
Boris: Huh? Why?
Bullwinkle: I've gotta tie my shoe laces.
Boris: Oh, all right... wait a minute, you don't even have shoes!
Bullwinkle: Uh, I guess I could find any size 22's.
Rocky: I don't think he'll fall for that, Bullwinkle. Let's just run for it while we can.
Boris looks for his comrades for reinforcements.
Natasha: So how did you think of the poisoned apples idea earlier, dollink?
Fearless Leader: Well, I sold lemonade as a kid. Of course I made sure to taint the glasses with cyanide.
Boris: Hey, boss! We've gotta focus on keeling Moose and Squirrel!
Fearless Leader: Didn't you "keel" them already? I gave you plenty of extra time to do the job.
Boris: Moose messed up my plans.
Fearless Leader: You fell for something set up by Moose? Badenov, you must have the IQ of an empty pumpkin.
Natasha: You don't mean...?
Fearless Leader: That's right, Natasha. Boris is out of his gourd.
Narrator: Our villain's next death trap for our heroes is...
Fearless Leader: Doing nothing.
Narrator: The terrible trio's next death trap is the terrifying, despicable criminal act that is doing nothing- wait, what?! Doing nothing doesn't sound like you folks at all!
Natasha: You have heard the man, narrator dollink.
Boris: We are doing nothing, nothing!
Fearless Leader: The Ectoplasmium formula will do all of the work for us.
Narrator: So basically you're all going to wait around for the Ectoplasmium to do them in.
Boris: Just like the two kids who wait around in the pumpkin patch every year.
Narrator: Oh, all right... at least it isn't likely to work-
Boris: Shut up your mouth!
Narrator: After wander aimlessly in an attempt to find a way out of Pottsylvania, our heroes just so happen to stumble across a small shack in the forest.
Bullwinkle: Gosh. This place looks like a witch's hut.
Rocky: Yeah. It's kind of creepy.
Narrator: They go up to the house, and Bullwinkle knocks on the door.
Bullwinkle: Trick or Treat!
Rocky stares at him confused.
Bullwinkle: What? We might get some candy.
Narrator: After stepping inside the small shack, the door suddenly slams shut by itself. Then all of the windows start to shatter by themselves one by one!
Rocky: Hokey Smoke!
Bullwinkle: Don't be scared, Rocky. This house is probably just falling apart.
Rocky: Having the windows break like this isn't a coincidence. I can't think of a rational explanation for this.
Bullwinkle: Vandals?
Rocky looks out from one of the now empty frames of the cottage.
Rocky: I don't see anyone out there...
Bullwinkle: That's good.
Rocky: What?! How can this scenario possibly be good? We're stranded in a creepy obscure hideaway, and someone or something is out to get us.
Bullwinkle: But vandals are terrifying!
Rocky: How can rude people who like to cause trouble be scarier than unseen potentially supernatural forces?
Bullwinkle: I think we're not on the same wavelength. Vandals were those really mean Viking guys, right?
Narrator: Honestly, either type of "Vandal" isn't likely to be responsible for this mess. Could this creepy little cottage really be haunted? Or is it really the dangerous Ectoplasmium formula? For an explanation of these ghostly happenings, be sure to stay tuned for our next episode, "What's the Shatter with You?" or "The Merry Window".