Chapter 25

"Anger is like flowing water; there's nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow. Hate is like stagnant water; anger that you denied yourself the freedom to feel, the freedom to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes dirty, stinky, disease-ridden, poisonous, deadly; that is your hate. On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human."
― C. JoyBell C.

I remember the first time you said my name.

It was snowing.

Konoha isn't known for the coldest winters but whenever the sky finally shatters and falls down on us in one of those unprecedented moments, in form of tiny, glittery fluffs, it is like magic. As if a miracle is happening.

Just like the snowflakes, you were a miracle too.

Back then, we were both so tiny and our faces were flushed scarlet with biting cold. We sat over the hills as the snow began to pile on us. I laughed with excitement as more pieces of the sky trickled down and I caught them over my tongue; pure was the taste of the moment. White extended from horizon to horizon, down the slopes; white crystals froze over the branches of the silent trees and winked and shimmered, like our dreams. White was everywhere.

White was our life then, the pages blank, unwritten at that time.

Who was to know that the words would soon be written in ink of blood?

That thaw will break one day and the trail of little footsteps we had made together in the snow would disappear forever?

"Miyuki," you said suddenly, spontaneously and I looked at you in pleasant surprise.

But you weren't looking at me. You were looking up at the snow as it fell and I knew at that moment that our lives were going to be entwined. Irrevocably.

And I made a vow; no matter how many times the skies fell, I would stand by you.

I smiled widely.

Miyuki.

Deep snow.

My name surrounded us.

I wondered why I was so happy, even when the sky over us was slowly shattering.

I don't live in the past anymore; I can't afford to.

But sometimes I remember.

Reminiscence is like a ride down a waterfall. At first, it is beautiful; there are rainbows and the sunlight shimmers so beguilingly over the droplets and the song of the waters is sweet. But as I fall deeper under gravity, these waters start sucking me in, like a black-hole; the music of nature transform into countless screams of agony and at the very end, I hit the rock-bottom. My whole body breaks, shatters into million pieces and poisonous, black waters enter me from every orifice. Cruel arms of those clandestine monsters of my fate ensnare me and submerge me in.

Then there is only darkness.

….

"Miyuki?"

My eyeballs moved slightly under my eyelids but I didn't open them yet. I felt strangely woozy and light, recognizing the disabling effects of sleeping drugs Hana had injected into my veins. I moaned slightly, voicing my indignation, my hands twitching towards the IV-cannula I could feel over my arm but I didn't have enough strength to yank it off.

"Fainted again," I could hear Hana sighing. "Malnutrition and overwork… has not been eating, training relentlessly to make it worse. Not enough sleep either."

"What are we going to do with her?" Ryusei groaned. "She trains as if she wants to kill herself. It's not doing any good to her, you know."

"…Post-traumatic-stress syndrome? All because of that bastard. Wait till I get my hands on him…"

"…got loads of bounty over his head. We will be rich!"

"Ryusei! As if you aren't already rich enough!"

"I can hear you, you know," I said dully, finally lifting my heavy eyelids to look at their alarmed faces. They exchanged wary glances with each other, the way they always did, as if I was something unstable, grenade about to blast any moment.

"Why do you train so much?" Ryusei demanded, his tone chiding, lined with concern. "You have already surpassed me a long time ago. Isn't that enough for you?"

I closed my eyes again. "I… I need to get stronger," I said lamely.

"Stronger?" Hana scoffed. "Hate to break it to you but you won't be getting any stronger if you don't eat anything. You are suffering from Grade I malnutrition; it is impossible for you to have any real tone in your muscles at this moment!"

I felt too tired to dig for witty rejoinders so I settled for an unrepentant apology; I just didn't feel like dealing with their endless nagging right now. They didn't get it. I wasn't training to get stronger anyway.

"It has already been a year," Hana said cautiously. "Forget everything... You are still alive. You still have life ahead of you. You don't have to ruin yourself for him. He isn't worth it."

"…I know."

Hana and Ryusei both took audible sighs of relief; it irked me but I didn't let it show.

"I will be making your diet plan this time," Hana said fiercely. "I will make sure you eat every single damn thing I ask you to eat, even if I have to ram everything down your throat. And if you resist, I am going to knock you out and put you on NG-tube!"

My eyes immediately snapped open. "You wouldn't dare!"

"I can and I will," she said smugly, folding her arms across her chest. "I am a doctor and I have the authority. Moreover, I don't give a shit about your dignity."

They made me stay at Konoha hospital for few days, during which Hana diligently pumped supplements into my system intravenously and forced me to eat, resorting to threatening me with scary things like NG-tube or urinary catheters whenever I complained. Her Haimaru brothers kept me accompanied whenever she was busy with other patients or animals (since she was a veterinarian as well) and sometimes, Ryusei would drop by to see me.

Sometimes, I would just sit, reclining against the white pillows, staring unseeingly out of the window, my eyes faraway. Other times, the cloud of gloom would pass and I would pay more attention to my surroundings. I would allow myself to grow serene and would laugh and respond as Hana and Ryusei chattered on incessantly, filling me in with details of mundane, inconsequential events happening in Konoha, which was really nice and all but did they seriously think that I cared about who was dating who? They bickered a lot, just the way they always did and that kept me amused. I could tell that they had grown much closer after Shisui's death and at times, their relationship made me jealous; they couldn't possibly understand the loneliness that was embedded deep into me like an icicle, a physical thing.

I genuinely tried to overcome the distance between us, just the way they tried as well, but it just wasn't that easy. Sometimes when I was in their presence, laughing and chatting, I would start forgetting… but when the night came and all was still and silent, everything would return, in more intense form. Sometimes it would leave me paralyzed.

"Miyuki?" Hana said my name tremulously on the seventh day, standing there with a stethoscope around her neck. I immediately recognized the guilt written all over her face.

I groaned. "What did you do?"

"Um, I might have mentioned to my mother that you were admitted in the hospital due to malnutrition."

I gulped warily. "And?"

"And she is on her way here with a hot pot."

Ryusei, who had been leaning against the wall, straightened up abruptly, his eyes flickering towards the window, the nearest escape.

I grabbed the head-board of my bed, trying to stabilize myself from the shock. "Discharge me right now!"

"Too late," she said contritely. "I am really sorry but she is already—"

Just then, the door flew open, nearly unhinged with the force being applied to it from outside. Tsume Inuzuka stood there in all her glory, with her wild, unruly hair framing the harsh lines of her face and her eyes narrowing with displeasure at us. "Look at you three!" she laughed and her voice was like a bark of hyenas. "Scared out of your wits! Don't worry; I don't bite as hard as my Kuromaru!"

Hana immediately flashed us both rueful looks.

Kiba, Hana's eight-years-old brother, gave me a long, disgruntled look from where he stood in the doorway, since I was the reason why he had been dragged here against his will when he could have been playing ninja with his friends outside.

"Oh look at you, poor little thing!" Hana's mother boomed as she took me in. "So thin and slight! How can you be a ninja if you don't even have girth around your muscles?" She slammed the hotpot down hard on the table in front of me. "Not to worry though! One bite of my special beef onigiri and egg-rolls you will be up in no time! I took the recipe from Aoi Akimichi, my good friend!"

"Thank you for your effort," I mumbled with some embarrassment, flashing furtive glare at Hana who cowered back, genuinely apologetic.

At least I could get something out of this; Tsume Inuzuka was a wonderful cook and her food tasted almost divine after all the days of stress-induced anorexia I had been through but after a while of chewing, it started to lose its taste somewhat. I sat there, scowling at the food… No don't think about it, I told myself firmly. Not now. Not here.

"So tell me, Ryusei!" Tsume bellowed, slapping him on his back so hard that a chicken wing he had been trying to chew flew out of his mouth like a bullet. "When are you going to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage?"

I almost choked on my onigiri, coughing to clear up my obstructed pathways while Ryusei just stood there in daze, looking as if he had been struck by lightning.

"Kaa-san!" Hana moaned, her face flaring hundred shades of red with mortification. "What are you saying? I am just seventeen!"

"Ryusei is of age, isn't he?" she shot back as she voraciously ripped through the roasted beef with her sharp, pointed teeth. "Aren't you? Answer me boy!"

"I…" Ryusei started but then he clamped his mouth shut; I had a feeling that he was going into shock.

"You like my daughter, don't you?"

"Kaa-san!" Hana squealed, going even more scarlet in face if that was even possible. "We don't have anything going on! He doesn't like me that way."

"Nonsense!" she barked. "I can see the way he looks at you… When are you going to man up and confess, Ryusei, huh? Are you scared of my daughter?"

"Okaa-san," Kiba said exasperatedly. "You are going to scare him off too, just like you scared off Oto-san."

"You brat! How dare you even suggest such a thing? Your father ran away because he was a coward and consequently not even worthy of my time! Are you going to be a coward as well, Ryusei?"

"Keep it down!" Hana snapped at her mother. "This is hospital. All this yelling isn't good for the patients!"

"Fine, young lady! But we will be continuing with this conversation at home!"

….

They discharged me ten days later and I could feel the familiar bleakness encroaching as I walked my way uphill on the familiar trail to Nisshoku shrine. Too many memories were etched here in every corner and they lingered, like ghosts, like dust. Brutally, I forced myself not to think about it and focused on my stride; one lethargic step after another.

Uchiha compound was like a retreat for bats and spiders that had spun their gossamer cobwebs everywhere; the air was always chilly here as if the people who had lost their lives here that fateful night never really left this place. The autumn-kissed, star-shaped leaves patrolled the deserted streets wistfully, thrown about by the idle gusts of wind and for a while I just stood there, staring plaintively at the Uchiha symbol engraved over the wall, cracked, where his kunai had struck it a year ago.

That's what he left behind. Cracks.

Forcing back a wave of nausea, I purposefully strode up at the Uchiha main-house and knocked the door gingerly. For a long time, nobody answered and then I heard soft, listless footfall, echoing in the silence of the house. The door creaked open and two grumpy-looking yet terrifyingly familiar onyx eyes peered up at me. "Miyuki?" he said sourly, "What are you doing here? I thought you were gone for good."

I immediately recovered from the unnerving spell his eyes had casted on me and managed a chastising glare. "Is that something you say to someone who came all the way here to see you?" I said. "Your manners are bad as ever, Sasuke."

"Stop acting like my mom!" he snapped, scowling. "You are not… her."

This time, he was firmly looking away from me, his eyes darkening, eyes that had already seen too much, eyes that no longer carried the innocence I had always found there, eyes that were utterly lost. "That's right, you brat, I am not your mother," I scoffed. "If I was your mother, I would have spanked you for your bad behavior."

"My mother never spanked me!"

My eyes softened. "I know," I sighed, reaching forward to ruffle up his hair but over the years, he had learnt quite dexterously the tricks to avoid the hand that would always grope at his hair. "I brought you a bento box. Hana's mother made it and I can't eat it all… So, how about we eat it together?"

"I am going to train," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Kids like you don't train. They play."

"I am not like others… I need to train. I need to get stronger to…to be able to…"

Suddenly his stomach gave a loud growl and all the intensity disappeared from his eyes; he looked faintly embarrassed and scowled when I started laughing. "Let's go, brat. You are eating, like it or not… Or I will knock you out and put you on NG tube."

"What's that?"

"Hana says it's a long snake that apparently crawls into your stomach through your nose and pukes out stuff you can digest."

He gave me a death glare. "Miyuki," he said. "I am not a child."

"Sure you are not, brat," I chortled. "Tell you what; let's eat together. Then I will help you with your little training too."

He finally acquiesced and led me outside on a pier over a lake, never inside, never where his family once used to have meals and though his eyes had lit up once over the aspect of getting to train with me, presently, he sat there chewing robotically with a deadened look in his eyes. That overwhelming pity I had always felt for this boy would sometimes be overpowered by intense jealousy, because he still had something to live for; he existed as an empty shell, only so that he could bring the demise of a brother who had betrayed him and had crushed any chance of happiness he could have had. At least, he could live for revenge. I couldn't even do that.

What did I live for?

"You won't be the one who kills me."

But Lord, how much I wanted to… Sometimes, I would dream about it, not striking him down with kunai from far away, but something more intimate, like wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing the very life out of him, letting him see my eyes as I killed him…

He had not killed me that night. Probably because I was not an Uchiha and so consequently, not even worth killing.

This revenge was Sasuke's, not mine.

I tried to tell myself that.

Yet, I didn't think I would care if I ever saw those damned, blood-red eyes of his again.

After the small training session with Sasuke, I slowly, finally decided to make my way back to Nisshoku shrine, trying to force away another wave of bleakness that started gnawing at my stomach as I languidly climbed up the long staircase with hundred owl-gargoyles staring at me. The house was all silent but that was to be expected. I found Obaa-san sitting over a porch, staring into space with a profound, haunted look in her eyes.

"Tadaima," I said, trying to force my lips into a wide smile.

"Okairi," she said monotonously. "How was the mission?"

She didn't even realize that I had just been admitted to Konoha hospital and had just assumed that I had been on some mission due to my absence from home. Well, I planned to keep it that way. "It went fine," I lied.

It was surprising that after the Uchiha massacre, she seemed to have gone into an even bigger trance than I was in. Not only had she resigned from the Konoha's council, she had even stopped practicing medicine and had given up on her healing entirely. She no longer found faults in me and no longer bothered to nag me. All day long, she would sit there silently in the lonely corners of Nisshoku shrine, eyes staring at nothing, almost as if she had already given up on life. That scared me the most.

I was done losing people.

"Obaa-san," I said. "Aren't you going to eat? I will make your favorite cabbage onigiri."

"No, child," she said wearily. "I am not hungry."

"Obaa-san," I whined. "Why are you always sitting there like this, like an old ghoul? Are you going through your old-age rebellious stage or something?"

She lifted her deadened eyes at me. "Miyuki," she said sharply. "Go take a bath. You are filthy. And stop pestering me."

Like a child who had been chastised, I stomped to my room and slid the shogi screen shut with enough force to rattle the whole wall. As always, my heart sank as I took in the familiar contours of the room, bathed in pale, cold twilight. For a while, I felt as if the loneliness was almost a physical thing, sitting there on my futon, always waiting for me like some persistent ghost, to haunt me, to embrace me whenever I was alone like this. Sometimes, I welcomed it but other times, it just left me cold and chilled to my bones.

I looked myself in the mirror, at the dark shadows under my eyes, my skin tight over my cheekbones, my eyes hollow, my ribs visible under my skin and my arms twig-like. I was anything but pretty. Sighing, I took off the Konoha headband, which ironically enough, had once been Itachi's. It was unscratched, unmarred and pristine, so unlike its owner once.

I wondered why I didn't throw it away in the Naka River and asked for the new one.

There were, of course, several reasons for that.

It was to remind me of that night, of the death, of the pain, of that inconceivable betrayal when all I had ever done was to trust in him blindly, so gullibly until I had descended into abyss. Until he had burnt me down into my madness.

That was why I kept it on my forehead, to rise from ashes like a phoenix. Or so I told myself.

But other times, I would find myself forgetting, slipping into that hazy time when he really was unmarred and sincere, just like this headband, when our memories were untarnished by blood, when my heart would fill with warm feelings whenever I saw his face, when the sounds of his companionable footsteps were as familiar to me as my own heartbeat… It was so easy to forget then, to long to see his face, just once more. As if he could save me from this excruciating pain and loneliness, even when he was the cause of it in the first place.

You have never meant anything to me.

…Foolish, Miyuki.

No!

For the umpteenth time, I wrapped my arms around my trembling knees and tried to summon the unbridled rage, that would usually subdue all the grief and pain, but today, I had no energy. Tomorrow, I would put an end to this shameful weakness.

Tomorrow, I would rise.

But not today.

…...

"Fukuro," I heard Isamu's 'captain' voice in my earpiece, strong, clear and unwavering, so unlike his usual clownish voice. "You and Hyuuga will go after those Kirigakure strays. They are currently fleeing with the forbidden Kuro scroll towards the western border. Do not let them escape with it and do whatever it takes to stop them, even if it means killing them. Do you copy?"

"Hai, captain."

I took a swoop down the tree and sent my chakra pulses through the wind, already on the trail of the enemy with Ryusei close behind me. We increased our speed three-folds, concealed our chakra impeccably and soon, we were met with enemy's retreating backs with the scroll tucked in one's elbow.

"Take three on the left," I shouted to Ryusei. "I will get rid of three on right and get the scroll."

Five minutes later, the three on the right were on the ground; two of them were already dead while one was looking back at me with his eyes wide and full of terror. "Y-You are the F-Fukuro demoness."

"That's right," I said coolly and then drove my sword through his chest, watching him as he let out a pained, guttural cry and for a moment, his face superimposed over this man's; his beautiful, haunting face twisting in agony as I killed him…

"Miyuki!" Ryusei thundered. "You killed their leader as well? Are you out of your mind?"

"I couldn't let him live."

"But we needed him for interrogation!" he protested. "We could have captured him alive and gathered more Intel and you killed him?"

"He tortured and killed ten children and then tried to steal their kekkei genkai with that forbidden scroll," I snarled indignantly, glaring at Ryusei's ANBU mask. "I couldn't risk him escaping... Moreover, I cannot allow such monsters to walk this earth and…" I let my voice trail off.

"You have gotten heartless, Miyuki," Ryusei said quietly. "Few years ago, you couldn't take anyone's life and now…"

I sheathed my sword, trying not to wince as pain shot in my broken wrist. I tried to force back a wave of nausea and dizziness as I took in the blood marring my clothes, of the men I had just taken lives of, but then my eyes hardened.

"Some people deserve to die," I said simply. We both knew who I was talking about.

"We humans have no right to pass judgments."

I froze in midstride. Was I losing my moral compass too now? How much more was I going to lose because of him?

"Miyuki…" Ryusei said. "It has already been years. Are you still thinking about him?"

"…Of course not."

"Then—"

"Let's hurry back," I said firmly, cutting him off. "I promised Sasuke I will make it back in time for his match in Chunin exams."

When we reached Konoha, the whole valley was shrouded in smoke. Towers of fire stood, looming towards the hazy skies where embers fluttered like fireflies and under the earth-shattering sounds of explosions, I could hear cacophony of screams, resounding through every corner. I stood there over a tree, yards away from the confines of the village, frozen and petrified, my heartbeat accelerating to a point that I could almost hear the blood pumping in my ears.

"What's happening?"

"I don't know!" Ryusei muttered, his pearl-white eyes immediately transforming into his Byakugan. A moment later, his eyes widened with fright. "It… It's Orochimaru!" he stammered. "He is fighting the Lord Sandaime and—"

Suddenly, Sumiko appeared in the thin air right in front of us. "My beetles sensed that you were near," she said with urgency in her voice. "Let's go. Follow me. Our squad has been stationed at Zone 3. That's where we need to fight."

"What's happening?"

"Our allies Sunagakure betrayed us," she said. "They sided with Orochimaru and attacked us in the middle of the Chunin exams. It's a war."

War.

"I will make it so that you will never have to see a war in your lifetime."

Liar.

I didn't know why his words suddenly struck my mind, almost like lightning. He had gone back on every promise that he had ever made to me and at this point, I wouldn't have been surprised if he was directly behind this war. My parent's faces flashed briefly in my mind.

Few years of peace, I thought sadly. That's all you bought with your lives as price. That's all your life was worth.

In me, awoke a strange, powerful emotion as I walked through the demolished streets of Konoha with few corpses littering the streets, dead to the world as the stench of blood and singed flesh saturated the air. For a while, I was transported back into that fateful night, when I had seen so many slaughtered bodies lying on the cold concrete like this and the man who had been responsible for that catastrophe, had been no other than my childhood friend who I had trusted implicitly. I could feel the fury tingling in my fingertips, like an insurgence shuddering through my entity, almost as if the years of repressed pain and vengefulness were finally surfacing, in an even uglier, viler form.

There was no humanity left in this world.

The realization struck me. If the world was still like this, then what did my parents give up their lives for?

"Let's go," I could hear the spiteful, acerbic growl in my voice. "I will show no mercy to those who do harm to Konoha!"

Just then I realized that I had sounded just like Itachi…

Before he had gone and betrayed Konoha and his clan in the worst possible way and had become an S-class missing-nin.

….

"So the great, mighty Uchiha is jealous of Naruto," I noted dryly as I sat there, taking a spoonful of my miso-soup.

"No I am not!" Sasuke protested indignantly. "That usuratonkachi just got lucky."

"You know that wasn't the case," I said calmly. "You lost to Gaara of the Sand, and so consequently, to Naruto because of your curse mark. You failed to keep it under control."

"I have been trying," he muttered.

"To think that Orochimaru put something as disgusting and vile as that on you..." I shuddered. "And to think that you actually managed to catch fancy of that sick bastard. Well, it is not a surprise… I heard all about it from Anko. Orochimaru is known to have perverse tastes and borderline pedophilic tendencies. His favorite pastime is going after young, fresh bodies like yours…"

"Miyuki!" he winced. "Shut up already. That's disgusting."

I smiled. "So, I am creeping you out, eh? Well, you better watch out. That curse seal he placed on you is no small deal... He will offer you power and come after you. You need to stay true to yourself."

"I know," he mumbled. "Kakashi told me all about it."

"That's Kakashi-sensei, you brat, and it is already bad enough that you don't call me senpai even though I am older than you. When are you going to learn some manners?"

"I don't manners to defeat him."

Suddenly, the ambience shifted and light air between us turned heavier and colder. "Right," I said slowly. "You don't need manners to defeat him, but what about after you have taken your revenge? Don't you need to get on with your life? You can't stay like this forever."

"Speak for yourself!" he snapped.

"There is nothing wrong with me," I insisted obstinately.

"Nothing wrong with you!" he retorted. "Take a good look at yourself before lecturing me. All you ever do is train and go on missions, like a zombie."

"At least I have better manners than you do, brat," I scoffed, as always, resorting to childish bickering, even though I knew I was too old for that. "Besides, weren't you going to restore your clan? You need a girl for that, you know."

"I know," he muttered testily, angling his face away, obviously embarrassed.

"Well, than you should also know that no girl is going to like you with that attitude of yours."

That wasn't entirely true, judging from the number of fangirls he had in Konoha, despite his uncouth mouth and aloof demeanor. The number almost rivaled Itachi's fangirls back then and Itachi had at least been polite. But I knew that it wasn't his looks or even his status as the last Uchiha that drew girls to him like ants to sugar; it was pity.

"Hn," he snorted but I could still sense his embarrassment. "Stop talking nonsense, Miyuki."

I heaved a sigh and went on to sip my soup, finally a bit at peace after the war was over. Presently, I realized that Sasuke was balling his hands into fists, his tendons protruding and his lips pushed into hard line. "Spit it out, Sasuke," I said wearily.

"Why do you care?" he whispered. "Why can't you all just leave me be? Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, you... I am an avenger. I can't afford these bonds. These are just going to make me weak... You know I need strength to defeat him, so why do you keep hanging on to me? I don't need any of you... You are not my mother. She is dead."

"I never said I was your mother and I certainly never thought of you as my son," I said coolly. "I am too young for that anyway. Perhaps, you are the one confusing me with your mother? Don't get carried away, brat. I only do this, because you are the only one who understands me, because you were also betrayed by him... And we share the same dream of watching him die a horrible death... There is nothing more, nothing less to it."

"If you want to see him dead so badly then why don't you seek him out and kill him yourself?" I didn't miss the note of derision in his voice. "Is it because you think you are too weak, or is it because you actually don't really want to see him die? You had feelings for him, didn't you?"

"Not anymore," I responded dispassionately. "I assure you, little Sasuke, whatever feelings I might have had for him once have been transformed into hate and only hate."

"Then why won't you seek him out?"

"It's because I have already been in the boat of revenge once. You see, I already killed the murderer of my parents. Honestly, I don't think I can do it again… It's tiring."

Suddenly, he seemed to be looking at me in the new light and his expressions were enthralled, as if he was beholding his long-cherished hero and role-model. "How did you feel after that?" he asked eagerly as he leaned forward. I didn't miss a covetous gleam in his eyes.

"Dead," I said. "Empty. Cold."

"...Was it still worth it?"

"Yes," I answered truthfully. "Of course it was worth it... Revenge is almost always worth it even if it lands you in hell."

"Kakashi says that I should give up on it," Sasuke said. "But he just doesn't understand... None of them will, until it happened to them."

For some reasons, it made a demented sort of laughter escape my lips. "No, Sasuke," I said, still chortling. "We who don't understand. In reality, we are the ones foolish and mad enough to be seeking revenge... Your brother screwed us up real bad, to the point that we can only think of him all day long. If we were wise, we wouldn't have given up on our lives for him. We would have forgotten all about him and wasted no time or thought on him, because that's what he truly deserves. But here we are, destroying our lives for him once again... He possesses us even now, just the way he always did back then. He will always possess us. Do you see it now? We are both pathetic, aren't we?"

I realized that Sasuke was scowling hard at his balled hands. "I don't know about that," he said. "All I know is that I have to kill him. I am an avenger, after all."

"Oi, Sasuke!" A loud, deafening voice resonated through the Ichiraku's and Sasuke grimaced. "Here you are! We have been looking all over for you, dattebayo! Good thing you are here at Ichiraku's. Now you can pay for my ramen."

"Shut up, Naruto!" A strawberry-milk haired Sakura hissed and whacked his sunshiny head. "You cannot make Sasuke-kun pay for your ramen all the times."

Sasuke heaved a tired sigh. "I am out of here," he announced.

"Where do you think you are going, you miserly asshole?" Naruto called out. "Pay for my ramen first! I am hungry!"

"Don't call Sasuke-kun miserly!" Sakura yelled and then proceeded to look at Sasuke with sparkly, admiring eyes, which unmistakably belonged to a fangirl.

"Pay yourself!" Sasuke snapped at Naruto. "I am leaving."

Sakura too bolted after Sasuke, leaving Naruto to stand there alone in Ichiraku's stall. He scratched his head sheepishly and grinned at me.

"Don't worry," I told him. "I will pay for you."

"Really?" His eyes lit up and he proceeded to sit beside me. "It seems like you are always paying for my food. I won't forget this kindness, dattebayo! Just wait till I become Hokage! I will repay you."

I was obviously delaying going home even though the sky had darkened to ink-black shade outside. I sat there idly, watching Naruto as he finished his third bowl of ramen, burped heartily and then with a contented sigh, he had fallen asleep right there and then.

"I am sorry my dear protégés are so much trouble," drawled a familiar voice and I turned around to find myself looking at the silver-haired ninja, his mask barely hiding the handsome countenance of his face. His eyes were smiling kindly.

"Kakashi-san!" I exclaimed in surprise. "Don't worry; they are not trouble at all. They are just pain in the ass."

His eyes crinkled. "True."

"So… you been stalking your dear protégés again?" I couldn't keep the note of accusation from my tone although I wasn't really annoyed by it.

"You noticed? As expected of a young and aspiring ANBU member like you," he sighed as he came to slump down on a stool next to me. "Kids these days… It's been so long since my ANBU days. My stealth skills have gotten rusty since then, I suppose."

"I bet they have. So, do I have to pay for you as well? What will you eat?"

"I am not hungry," he said.

"I insist that you try their new sashimi ramen. It's really—"

"Give it up," he said with an eye-smile. "You are not catching a glimpse of my face tonight."

I was a bit crestfallen. "Darn."

"Good thing you have started eating a little yourself though and put on some weight. Actually, I came here to talk to you… about Sasuke, that is."

"What is it?" I heaved a weary sigh, not really wanting to continue this conversation because I knew where it was going. Admittedly, Kakashi and I had gotten a bit closer in the last two years due to our constant interaction whenever Sasuke was involved but I still didn't feel entirely comfortable in his presence because he was way too shrewd and perceptive for my liking, despite his insouciant demeanor. I had grown to prefer the company of the people who were less observant and overbearing, probably because I had one or two skeletons hidden in my closet which I didn't like people digging up.

"I will be blunt. Why do you encourage him to take revenge on his brother?" he said. "You already know that this will destroy him. A path to revenge is never easy… You prove nothing by taking eye for an eye. It's just a never-ending, vicious cycle that breeds only hatred. Both of us as experienced shinobi know this."

I smiled wryly. "I know what you want to say. You want me to free Sasuke from the burden of this revenge, as his guardian, and kill Itachi myself. Isn't that right?"

"Perhaps," he admitted, unrepentant.

"Do you seriously think I am powerful enough though?" I said bitterly. "None of us can take on Itachi… Sasuke might have that capability though. He is his brother after all."

"But this thirst for revenge is going to blind him one day," Kakashi said gravely. "By this revenge, whose desires are you trying to fulfil, Sasuke's, your own… or Itachi's?"

For a while, I stared at the empty bowl of my soup, not answering. "Sasuke won't be able to live a peaceful life until he has killed Itachi," I said. "And Itachi won't be able to die peacefully until Sasuke is the one who kills him."

"So, it's for both of them, huh?" he sighed. "Then where do you come in all this?"

"I won't be at peace in the world where he is still alive. Itachi… won't let me kill him. I know this much… Sasuke will be the one who kills him. Sasuke will become my will. That's why; I have to let him take my revenge for me."

"Then, what do you live for?" I didn't miss the insinuations of challenge in his tone.

"I will find something to live for," I said tersely. "Perhaps, I already have, after so many years of thinking and searching."

"Yeah? What would that be?"

I shrugged. "The war is over now, but it made me realize something. When I saw Konoha on fire like that, the only thing I could think about was how I had to protect it. For the first time in a while, I wasn't thinking about Itachi or my screwed up life. I was thinking about my parents; I could almost hear their thoughts in my mind and I could finally understand why they gave up their lives for this village… I was no longer lonely this way. I was almost at peace. Perhaps, it is a signal. Maybe that's what I should live for… Believe me, that's the only thing the three of us want from our lives now, Itachi, Sasuke and me… We all want peace. That's why you will have to let Sasuke get his revenge."

"I see." He was smiling cryptically now. "Interesting. You want Itachi to die a peaceful death, even though he destroyed your peace in the first place, huh?"

I balled my hands into fists. "I let the murderer of my parents redeem himself in the end," I said silently, cupping my neck. "Even after all that happened, I should allow Itachi an opportunity to redeem himself in the end too, don't you think? I am quite sure he is living a pretty miserable and lonely life right now, wherever he is. At least I hope so…"

Kakashi said nothing as he stood up. Just when I thought he was about to leave, his heavy hand pressed over my head in an affectionate gesture, a gesture that was so kind and compassionate that I couldn't help leaning into his touch a bit as he ruffled my hair. "Whatever you say, Miyuki," he said tenderly. "I will still try to stop Sasuke. You see, I just can't see my comrades fall. But I am glad you have found something to live for. I myself was lost once, but I found it in the end as well. I hope that Sasuke too will find it one day."

"Kakashi-san… Is Konoha worth it?"

"Of course."

…

For the first time in a while, I was feeling a bit lighter. I was noticing so many things about the village that I hadn't noticed before. Were there always so many children playing in the streets, laughing with delight as they zigzagged around us? Were there always so many mothers here, running after their children, shouting at them to wear their socks or to eat the cabbage? Were the skies here always this blue?

Admittedly, this last war had ended rather quickly and hadn't escalated to another shinobi world war as everyone had feared initially, especially when Sandaime Hokage had lost his life. The peaceful times were restored. The forever moving, bustling village was back, the hospitals were tranquil again and the buildings that suffered the damage had been reconstructed. The vendors lined the streets once again and called out to us to try their delicious Gyoza or Yakitori whenever we passed them.

Finally, after so many years, I picked up the courage and found an appetite to treat myself to my favorite Dangos once again after years of abstinence. It felt strange as I took a familiar turn to the Dango shop, sitting at the end of the market street and I almost started hyperventilating when I climbed up its stairs but then I forced myself to calm down. Memories are mere memories, I told myself firmly. They must hold no power over you. You already decided to let everything go.

Dango tasted better than I remembered and I felt almost sinful as I sat there on the stool, indulging, savoring its juicy sweetness in my mouth. Nothing could be better than this…

Just then, I felt peculiar heaviness descend over the warm, aromatic air of the dango shop. I turned around, a bit warily, to see two highly suspicious and extremely conspicuous figures enter the Dango-shop, swathed in long, black cloaks with red clouds over them. I couldn't see their faces because they were shadowed under those large conical straw hats they wore. Even though their chakras were well-concealed; their presence was almost tangible and spread in the entire shop like a sinister cloud. Also their gait was fluid, graceful as they glided through the sea of crowd, fearless and confident… hallmark of a powerful shinobi.

Very surreptitiously, I too concealed my chakra until it was indistinguishable from the civilians around me and sat there, watching them from the corner of my eye as I pretended to eat my dango and mind my own business. They ordered dangos as well as the tea. Something about the way shorter one was sitting over the table was vaguely familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. I stared at his hand for a while… nails painted purple, a signet ring with a crimson garnet studded in it. I didn't know why the familiar color made me uneasy.

The other one had blue hands. Blue?

The reason why they were sitting there so boldly like that was probably because they had been granted permission to enter Konoha, but I hadn't ever seen anyone looking like that in Konoha in a while. They were obviously foreigners…

Just then I realized that the shorter one of the two was looking in my direction and even though I couldn't see his face, his penetrating eyes were definitely trained on me. I could feel his heavy, intense gaze, burning holes in my skin. I tried my best to ignore him, squaring my thin shoulders but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't seem to ignore the icy chill that raced down my back. Involuntarily, I shivered. Why did I feel so unnerved, so uneasy? Why did I feel an undeniable connection between us?

No longer able to ignore it, I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze head on, trying not to cower under his unseen yet daunting eyes. I stared hard and in the dim lights of the shop, I saw a glint of red, where his eyes should be.

I froze.

No!

Just before I could even blink, the two figures had disappeared into a thin air, almost as if they had been phantoms of my imagination, but just before they had left, I had heard it… a soft, enchanting tingle of bells hanging from the hat of the shorter figure, the very same sound I had been hearing since the gray, misty morning had dawned on the village.

It couldn't be…

I scrambled up in the standing position and squeezed my way through the crowd unceremoniously until I was standing in front of the table they had just vacated.

"I swear to God I sure as hell not selling anything to those ninjas again!" the owner of the dango shop was wailing at the top of his lungs. "They left without paying… Again! You can't even hold them back because they just teleport themselves out. Those rascals… The number of crimes these ninjas commit is much more than the civilians they are supposed to protect. Seriously!"

The dango was half-eaten but I recognized the flavor. Hanami dango, along with the rain-flower tea. The way he had always preferred.

Itachi.

A/N: Hello there! If you are still reading this, you have no idea how grateful I am. I know it's been way too long and most of you might have forgotten all about this story but hell, here I am. I had MAJOR exams to give (the scariest of my lifetime) and now finally, finally, I have moved on from being just a medical student to a doctor!

I have not written this story in a long time so I apologize if the writing is a bit stilted. I know this chapter isn't exciting but it was needed. And also, I need to loosen my pen a bit before I can write the next chapter which would be far more exciting, I promise!

I know I don't deserve it, but please review!

~AnEveningMoth