Chapter 25: Dear Jasper

A/N: Thanks for the hits and to those of you who reviewed! RECAP: Bella takes Edward's virginity, and she realizes that it's only the second time she's ever made love. She falls asleep dreaming peacefully.

I woke up in Edward's strong arms to him placing kisses all over my face.

I looked into his eyes and smiled, saying, "I love you, my dear Edward. Thank you for helping me realize that again."

"I love you much, much more. Thank you for sharing that with me, for letting me finally show you how I feel," he replied, kissing me softly.

I looked at the clock and sighed.

"We have to go get ready for class. And as much as I would like to stay here in your loving embrace, I really don't want to get Chase and me in trouble with Professor Matthews this morning."

Edward's eyes blackened when I mentioned Chase's name.

"I don't want you near him anymore," he hissed.

"Edward! He's my friend, the only guy here who didn't hit on me when he first saw me besides you. You can't take him away from me!" I yelled.

"After your little display and after what I know of him, you shouldn't be around him. I won't let you be around him."

I stood up and smacked him across the face hard.

"Damn it, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! You will fucking listen to me and listen good. I have done nothing to you and did nothing to him. Yeah, okay, we played strip poker. Big fucking deal. I'm sure you've done it before. And wow. One kiss and you flip. You were fine last night while we were making love. Or was that just some act you put on to get off?! I love you! And even though I can't say that I love only you right now, I'm sure if you will give me time that it'll work out!" Tears began to fall. "And I'm sorry if you think that you should be the only person I fucking talk to on campus! All the girls look at me like I'm a slut, and the guys stare like I'm just their next fucking booty call! Well, damn it, Edward! I've had enough! So either you can get the hell over it and get the stick out of your ass, or I can go over to his apartment and fuck Chase senseless like I almost did last night!"

His features softened as I said this, and he tried to pull me towards him. I maneuvered out of his arms and went into the bathroom, crying my eyes out.

When the tears were gone and a half hour had passed, I showered and got dressed. I walked out of the bathroom and grabbed my messenger bag, heading towards the door.

"Bella, wait! Please just give me five minutes, and we can talk on our way there," Edward pleaded.

"I'm already going to be late picking up Chase, and you don't have to be there for another hour. I'll…I'll talking to you when you get home later."

And with those last words, I walked out of my apartment and hopefully away from my dreary morning.

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Chase and I got to our Intro to Seminars class just before the lecture began.

His back was faced towards the class, so he did not see us walk in late, thankfully.

Chase scribbled something on a piece of paper and slid it over.

I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have suggested we play.

I looked at him and smiled, shaking my head.

I shouldn't have pounced on you like that, even though for that moment before Edward came in, it was quite enjoyable.

He groaned, and I looked at his jeans.

God, Bell. The things you do to me.

I moved my hand to his slight hardness under the table and giggled as he winced, suppressing his moan.

"You're so hard for me, aren't you? I bet you wish you could fuck me like an animal on the table we're sharing right now," I whispered into his ear, too low for any human to hear.

He wrote again on the note.

Two can play at that game.

I looked at him questioningly, but before I could ask what he meant, he slid a hand expertly into my jeans.

I whimpered, but it was barely audible.

He brought me to the edge right there in the middle Professor Matthews' speech. He stopped before I could scream with my orgasm.

The thing is, I knew payback well. We were old friends.

I slid my hand into his jeans and brought him to the brink as well.

But I did something he would hate me for.

I made him come in his jeans, even though he was pleading for me to stop with his eyes.

"Bell…why?" he asked quietly.

"Too bad you couldn't rely on those trusty visions that time," I snickered.

"Well, I always carry extra clothes, so I'm pretty lucky today," he said, voice full of smugness.

I just rolled my eyes, and when class was over, ran to the bathroom for him to change.

I waited outside for a couple of minutes because he had to move at a human pace.

Just as Chase walked out, I saw Edward walking towards us.

I was still utterly pissed, so I grabbed the back of Chase's neck and pulled his lips to mine in a fiery kiss.

Edward stopped in his tracks, hurt engraved into his perfect face.

I skipped to him with an evil smile playing at my lips.

"So, Edward honey, how do you feel about him now?"

"Why?" he whispered.

I straightened the collar of his shirt and answered, "Because I want to know."

He shook his head. "Why did you kiss him? And don't think I can't smell your arousal and his come."

"Oh, that. We just had some fun learning the basics of seminars. I think we might even have a more spectacular time listening to how to not take criticism to art next period," I said in a peppy voice.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't tell you to not be friends with certain people. I guess I'll see you at home, love."

Edward kissed my forehead and began to walk away.

"Edward, I'm sorry. You just made me furious," I sighed, catching him by the arm.

He pulled away, in a gentle manner. "Don't worry about it. We both obviously have different ideas of love."

He kissed me tenderly on the lips and strolled towards his next class.

Chase came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know you meant nothing by the kiss, Bell. Now, let's go before we miss my favorite class."

I looked at him oddly. "Why is it your favorite?"

He smiled sheepishly and put his arm through mine, beginning to walk and pulling me with him. "Because I get to write about you for a grade."

I giggled and held onto him tightly. "You do know you're my best friend, right?"

He nodded and replied, "And you are mine."

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When we got to class, we found out that we had to write a letter to someone we lost or someone we love.

I chose Jasper because he was the definition of both.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him everything I meant to before I left, but couldn't.

Dear Jasper Whitlock-Hale,

I love you so much, and miss you even more. I've only been away from you for a couple of weeks, but it feels like centuries have gone by. I can't wait to see you again, but it seems as though I have to, being kicked out of the family and all. And I know I'll be staying at Dartmouth for at least four years to finish the basic college servitude.

I really wanted to tell you everything about the day I left and all the reasons I did what I did. I felt like you didn't want me, like you were rejecting everything we had, so I went to someone I knew would give it to me, the satisfaction of feeling cared for. It was stupid, and I regret every moment of it because somehow, in the end, I knew it would hurt us all. So the day I left was also the day I ended the visits with Quil, and that was the reason I was smiling. Because I felt as if I finally did something right in the sixth months we were together. And even though those months were filled with grief and deception, they were some of the best months of my life because I had you by my side. I know I royally screwed up and that there's no way you or your family will accept me back into your life, even though I am still coming to terms with the latter. As for my life, it has been going fairly well. I have been spending plenty of time with Edward, whom I've decided to give another chance, and Chase, another vampire whom I share all of my classes with. Neither one of them could compare to you and all your glory.I am beginning to wonder if I'll ever see you again. I am beginning to wonder if I'd even want to, knowing all of the pain I've caused to the Cullen family. I am beginning to wonder if I am even worthy of anyone's love anymore. But I know this: I'll love you no matter what anyone says or anyone does to try to stop me. Please write back, even if it's just to let me know you received the letter. My apologies are sent out to each and every one of you, as well as my heart.

With every ounce of my love and life,

Isabella Marie Swan

I finished off the letter with my birth name, even though I did not know why.

I inserted it into the envelope provided with tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

"I miss you," I barely whispered to the white rectangle in my hand.

"Jasper?" Chase asked in a rather small voice.

I nodded, and he scooted his chair closer, pulling me into his chest.

Mrs. Lafferty dismissed the class, but Chase and I didn't move a muscle.

"I'm…s-so…s-sorry…" I sobbed.

"Shh, now. It's okay, sweetheart. It'll be alright, Bella baby," Chase cooed.

I smiled my thanks and got up, gathering my belongings.

"It's lunch right now, so will you go to the school's post office with me?" I asked.

He grinned and nodded. "Of course, Bell."

We walked quickly, but at a human pace to the post office.

Katherine, the woman at the reception desk, told us that it would get there in two days with regular shipping or we could pay an extra fifteen dollars for it to get there tomorrow.

I handed a twenty and let her know to keep the change.

I looked at Chase, and he stared at me, both of our faces mirroring the others.

We were disappointed, grieving, loving, but above all this, one stood out.

There was a sliver of happiness.

A/N: Review! Btw…Chase and Bella are just friends, but he does want it to be more. Like Jacob Black, except she won't become engaged to Chase or have his baby inside her. Loll (: