A/N: Heavy heart today, folks. Found out that my aunt was diagnosed with leukemia yesterday - CML, to be exact. Hasn't been staged yet, but there will obviously be a long, hard road ahead. CML isn't a cancer that I am very familiar with, but I do know that chemotherapy is rarely used, instead they prefer targeted drug therapies, which are usually oral. Doesn't make it any less hard, of course, but it does mean that my knowledge base to help out and offer support isn't what it could be. I try very hard to keep my own personal experiences with cancer out of the notes so as to not color the story one way or the other, but this just hit really close to home and what timing, right?

Sidenote - she was diagnosed by her allergist, who she went to see because she had a persistent cough, and he ran her blood tests. Like something out of a really shitty story, huh?

Anyway - back to the story. Wow, that was a bummer. I'm sorry. For all the lightness I try desperately to infuse in this story, this was a sobering reminder that cancer is real and unbiased. It'll affect whoever it wants to.

It was three a.m. when a soft click of the door closing woke her up. The receding shadow outside of her door told her that it was just one of her many night shift nurses leaving after checking her vitals, which thankfully was a much less intrusive process now that she was on the mend. They just came in, noted what her monitors said on a chart, and left. She didn't even have an IV connected to her port now; her hydration levels were good and she no longer needed the strength of intravenous antibiotics, and just took a twice-daily horse pill that she gagged on religiously.

She was vaguely aware of someone else's presence in the room with her. She didn't have her contacts in or her glasses on, so the world was a little blurry, but she knew without a doubt that it was Oliver next to her. Back in his chair, reclined comfortably, his hand resting on her bed, just inches away from her's. So close yet so, so far.

She wasn't aware of when he had returned or what he was even doing there. She had assumed it would take him a bit longer to get over her blatant callousness and she knew that she could handle one night alone in the hospital.

She readjusted herself slightly, not surprised at all when his eyes opened instantly and he became fully aware of the world around him. His eyes locked with her's (how were his eyes so clear when the rest of the room was so fuzzy?) and for all of her mental preparation, she didn't know what to say.

The only lights in the room were from a small ceiling light by the door, enabling nurses to make their way across the room intact, and what little illumination the computers that monitored her said. There was always a dim glow from outside though, despite the hour. The light pollution from the hospital reflected off the nearby buildings and windows, so the sky always looked a hazy shade of gray before the sun fully rose and lit up the room in beautiful colors.

"Hi," she whispered in the dark.

"Hi."

They then spoke at the time.

"Felicity, I just-"

"Listen, Oliver-"

They let out small laughs at that, unwanted smiled stretching their lips.

"Oliver, I know we both just had like, hours to think about what we want to say to each other, but can I...can I go first?"

He nodded. She took a deep breath, trying to center her thoughts. Center her life.

"I didn't really understand why you got mad earlier. At least, not until Dig kind of explained to me what happened when I was out of it and I mean, I guess you explained it too...I just, I never intentionally wanted to take you for granted. But I did, and I know that now. I have been so selfish lately."

"No, no, no, Felicity, no-"

"I thought you said I could go first?" She waited for him to relax back in his chair, but she could practically see the words on the tip of his tongue. "You might not see it as such, but I have. I've been really selfish. And you've been so good to me, and given up so much for me, that it hasn't been fair at all for you."

"That doesn't mean that you're selfish."

"I didn't ask you questions I didn't want the answers to. Knowing that you knew them, but not asking you to share - that's selfish."

"I've been selfish too," Oliver confessed. Her mind started to race. What the hell was he talking about?

"You've been nothing but great."

"You might not have asked those questions, but I didn't volunteer the answers because I'm selfish. I want so badly to protect you from this...from everything, that I didn't tell you things. Things that yeah, you might not have wanted to know, but you should. There is so much I can't do for you when you're in here that I thought...I felt like keeping that stuff from you was protecting you. And a part of me knew it wasn't, but I just needed so badly to feel like I was doing something to help, that I didn't care."

The laugh Felicity let out echoed in the quiet room.

"You're telling me that we both think we're selfish for not talking about things?"

Oliver smiled at that. "Yeah, I guess so."

She returned his smile and let the moment seep in before it fell off her face and she remembered the situation they had gotten themselves in.

"We need to talk about these things, Oliver. I never want to see you like that again."

"What, angry and yelling?" He was trying to keep the conversation light but she wasn't having it.

"No, like you're holding stuff back from me and it's killing you. You must've been so - I can't even imagine it. I don't know what it's like to be you and to have to make such hard decisions and feel like you need to take care of everyone. But I never want to see you like that again, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "I will try to be better about talking about things with you."

"And I will try to be better about asking about things with you."

His hand finally closed the distance between theirs and grasped her fingers tightly. It was what she hadn't known she had been waiting for, but she let her eyes close in bliss. It felt so good, so right, to have him right there, beside her, a tangible thing.

"We don't have to talk about those things now though, right?" She eventually asked. "Only because it is like, 3 a.m., and I'm kind of tired and I'm not sure if now is the best time -"

"We've got time, Felicity. Lots of it."

She tried to smile at him but knew it fell flat.

"You don't know that."

"Yes," his face grew serious. "I do."

True to both of their words, they talked the next day. About everything.

Some topics were less pleasant than others, but some just felt good to talk about. Felicity still wasn't on board with telling her mother, not just yet, but she agreed that if something were to happen, like another infection, then Oliver had every right to call her the second she was brought in. They talked about Thea and how they could help her with all these tricky feelings that come with watching someone you know almost die. It was good to just get a lot of things out in the open, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like they were on the same page. Oliver glossed over some things, but she was getting pretty good at sensing when he might be uncomfortable with a subject, and his feelings on when she was first brought in with a fever fell under that category.

They even called Walter together, and the relief that he must have felt at hearing her voice was practically palpable over the line. She was convinced that she was never going to forget the feeling of Oliver squeezing her hand and mouthing that he was proud of her as she reassured the older gentleman.

Something had shifted in her relationship with Oliver after their talk though, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was an easiness between the two of them. He definitely seemed lighter, less bogged down with the weight of keeping things from her, and despite having to think about things that she had actively been avoiding before, she still felt okay about it. Because she knew that he was right there with her.

She put her newfound happiness and energy into her physical therapy sessions with Steve and found herself back in fighting strength sooner than anticipated. Sooner than she had anticipated, she was being told that her third round of chemotherapy could begin the next day.

Fantastic.

She knew that some people welcomed chemotherapy. They might not look forward to the side effects of it, but they hated postponing it because the sooner it was over, the sooner they would be healthy. Felicity was not one of those people.

She dreaded chemotherapy with everything she had. She knew that it was a necessary evil, but she also knew that it brought out the absolute worst in her. It made her irritable and crabby, not to mention super nauseous, and getting sick in front of her friends and family only served to make her more irritable and crabby. The cycle never ended.

"You know Trey told me he sleeps through his chemo?" She told Oliver as she watched nurses switch the bags of chemo on her second day.

"Why don't you try that?"

"Because I'd rather puke when I'm awake, obviously," she grumbled before giving him an apologetic look. She hated herself when she was like this. "I just can't sleep. Feel even more nauseous when I close my eyes. It's like a hangover that never ends."

"Sounds like my early twenties," he joked.

"With none of the benefits of casual sex."

He coughed and subtly tried to readjust himself while he sat next to her. Thinking of Felicity and sex - casual or not - was never going to be a thing he did in public.

"How's your tongue today?" Mary asked.

"There was a time in my life when that was a weird question."

"Tongue," she repeated.

"Hurts," Felicity muttered. The nausea was expected, as was the fatigue, but the mouth sores were one of the worst parts to her.

"Let me see," Mary requested, inspecting her tongue and mouth fully.

It was all just so humiliating to Felicity.

"We'll take out anything hard or crunchy from your diet for the next few days. That means no more Froot Loops, unfortunately." She visibly deflated at that. So many foods tasted weird to her lately, Froot Loops was one of the only things she had a taste for. "Oatmeal only for breakfast. It doesn't look like it's getting any worse, so we'll just monitor it. If your throat starts getting sore or if you think it's getting worse, let me know right away, okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Who you callin' ma'am?" Mary smiled at her before pointing a finger at Oliver. "Water, remember. Keep her watered."

"What am I, a plant?"

"Or you're like, one of those towels." Roy walked in, wiping his face of any food crumbs that might still be on it. He had learned his lesson. Thea accompanied him quietly, this being her first time visiting while she was undergoing actual chemo.

"The hell are you talking about?" Felicity asked without any actual heat in her voice.

"You know, like those little towels that are super tiny but explode real big when you put them in water?"

"Ohhhh."

"I have no idea what he is talking about," Oliver admitted.

"Me neither," Thea chimed in.

"What kind of toys did you give away in goodie bags when you had parties as a kid?" Felicity wondered.

"Diamond bracelets, mostly," Thea deadpanned.

"You know, we've been dating a really long time, and even I don't know if she's serious."

"Thank you guys for coming." Felicity smiled despite how crummy she felt.

"So this is all your...stuff?" Thea wandered around the head of the bed, looking at the various IV poles and drips she had set up.

Oliver and Felicity had talked about it before deciding that it might be for the best if Thea saw her when she was in the middle of chemo. The second day was usually the best one, with the first being misery and the third when she was most likely to get sick, so they figured that if she had to see something, it should be then. They thought it would help her see Felicity looking more...normal as she battled this disease. She had only known out-of-the-hospital Felicity and fighting-for-her-life Felicity, never I-feel-miserable-but-will-still-be-feisty-as-hell Felicity.

Thea's eyes widened as she saw the kidney dish on the nightstand next to Oliver.

"Are you gonna - I mean, will you be - are you-?"

To his credit, Roy paled slightly but didn't make a move to run out of the room at that notion.

"Probably not today," she told the girl who was still taking in all of the wires and tubes connected to her. "My body is getting a little more used to it, so it takes it a bit longer to realize it wants to yak it all up. Lucky me."

"This really sucks," Thea summed up. "What does it - I mean, can I ask? What it feels like?"

"Well it doesn't really feel like anything while I get it. There's one drug I get, vincristine, that kind of makes my veins ache when they inject it, but it's really hard to describe. It's a weird sensation but it doesn't last long. Other than that, right now I just feel really tired and like I have the spins if I try and close my eyes."

"Whoa."

A beat of silence descended, no one quite sure what to say.

"And her tongue hurts," Oliver supplied.

"Your tongue? And how would you know that, brother dearest?"

She flushed red and glared at Oliver quickly before explaining to Thea. "Mouth ulcers. Not bad, it just…"

"Yikes."

"My tongue may hurt too bad to stick out at you, but my fingers still work fine," Felicity muttered to Oliver before chucking him the bird. He just grinned at her, happy she was keeping her spirits up.

"I feel weird talking about Felicity's tongue, so let's just watch some movies," Roy suggested. "I have the entire Bourne trilogy plus the new one. I will remind you, Felicity, that much like Die Hard, you are not allowed to watch these movies unless I am here. Oliver does not understand the nuances of these films and he will not explain them to you like I will."

Roy set about moving the couch into their usual movie marathon position.

"He explains the movies to you, too?" Thea gave Felicity a sympathetic look.

"Yes! Why does he do that?"

"No idea, but I no longer ask to go to the movies on our dates. And if he really wants to watch one, I'll see it by myself before watching it with him."

"You do?" Roy looked up, absolutely stunned.

"Of course not, babe," she reassured him before turning to Felicity and nodding emphatically.

Felicity felt like death and knew she had to look like it too, sans wig and with her weight loss becoming slightly more prominent, her clavicle protruding further than usual and her cheeks appearing sunken. However, in that moment, as Thea and Roy curled up on the couch together and Oliver threaded his fingers with her's as he relaxed into his chair, she felt better about the entire chemotherapy process she had in a long time.

She closed her eyes, savoring it, before jerking them open again.

Right, extreme nausea. Not a great idea. Maybe later.

She had been right, of course, when she felt like the third day after starting chemo would be the worst, and she had gotten violently ill for the better part of that day before sleeping so hard for so many hours that both Oliver and Lance checked on her vitals multiple times just to reassure themselves.

A few days later and she was finally feeling normal, or what she had quickly determined was her new normal. It was a lot of being exhausted and sometimes bouts of nausea out of nowhere, but for the most part it was okay. It was being alive.

"Are you going to tell me what's on your mind?"

She had been watching Detective Lance for the better part of ten minutes open and close his mouth so many times that it was as if he was doing a fish impersonation. Oliver was at QC with Dig and Lance was hanging out for lunch which was still on the mushy side for Felicity and her tongue, and on the unhealthy side for Lance and his heart.

She had never known the man to be hesitant with what he said, instead usually choosing to say it regardless of how it came out, so she knew it had to be something that he was struggling with. She couldn't take the guppy look anymore though, so she finally called him out on it.

"Wha?"

"Detective, you clearly have something you want to say to me. If it's that bad, I'm pretty sure you could outrun me, if it helps." She scrutinized him for a second. "Or not. You have been eating a lot of fast food lately."

"It doesn't help, but thanks kid. Good to know that smart mouth of yours hasn't gone anywhere."

"It's a gift. So, are you going to tell me or what?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea."

"...To talk to me? Because I know that sometimes I can get myself into some orally weird situations. Not like, orally - I mean, you know - not like - I don't know if there's a better way to put that, but if there is I would really like to think of it in three, two, one…"

"Laurel wants to see you."

"Who wants to what now?"

She hadn't thought much of Laurel since their initial altercation, with so much having happened since then, but it made sense that she would have seen Oliver's press conference and her pictures that were all over the news.

"I told you, I'm not sure it's such a great idea."

"Does she uh, does she know? I mean, did you tell her? It's okay if you did, you know, I'm just wondering-"

"No, of course not. In fact…" He ran his hands over his face and got up abruptly from his chair and started pacing at the foot of her bed. "I haven't really talked to her in the last few weeks."

Now that shocked Felicity. Not that he had kept her secret, because the man was nothing if not confidential, but the fact that he hadn't talked to his only biological daughter in town was something else entirely. She knew that they were close, or had been until she had gotten in the way. Was she the problem now, too?

"Detective…" She tried to get his attention, but he just continued to wear a groove in the floor. "Quentin." He looked up at that, his face speaking more words than he ever could. He looked like he was about to get chastised. "Have you talked to her since we saw her at the coffee shop?"

He grimaced. "Not really."

"Not really? Is that a no?"

"She's tried to...a few times...but I didn't - I didn't know what to say. And I'm still pissed."

"Then how do you know she wants to see me?"

"She left me a message. Or two. Or three, okay. And I think she's talked to Queen, too, trying to find a way to see you. He might not want to bring it up to you, but I figured I might as well."

She had to force herself to put the idea of Oliver keeping things like this from her to the corner of her mind, especially when she thought that they were in such a great place recently, with communication abounding.

"What do you think I should do?" She finally asked.

"I told you, I'm not so sure it's-"

"A good idea, yeah, I heard you, but still. She's your daughter."

"I thought we went over this, huh?" Lance walked back to her side in bed. "You are just as important to me. And if you don't want to talk to her, don't talk to her. Don't think you have to just because of me, okay?"

She took a deep breath.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. And yeah," she gave him a small smile. "That is because of you."

"You are such a good kid," he told her fondly.

"Will you talk to her if I talk to her?"

He looked to honestly be weighing that decision in his head.

"Maybe. Probably. If she apologizes. To both of us. I know you think that this might just be about you, but she still needs to apologize for speaking to me that way. Cancer or no cancer, she had no right to suggest that I was dating the same person Oliver Queen was."

"Ah, so that's what this is really about," she teased. "You can't stand the idea of having the same taste in women as Oliver."

"I think we both know that I approve of his taste in women as of late."

She felt her face heat up. She might not agree completely, but she knew exactly where Detective Lance's mind was headed.

"When does she want to see me?" She not-so-subtly changed the subject.

He shrugged. "Probably whenever. You wanna wait until you get out of this joint?"

She pondered that for a moment.

"No. I think she should see me in here."

"If you say so, kid. I'll let the guards know that she'll be dropping by in the next day or so. If you change your mind - for any reason - just call me. I gotta be getting back to work now though."

"Thanks for coming by, Detective."

"Don't know why you still call me that," he grumbled good-naturedly before kissing her buzzed head, the hairs faintly tickling his face. "I'll see you later."

She wasn't entirely sure what she had just agreed to, but she knew it probably was going to change a lot of things for a lot of people.

A/N2: Didn't forget about the Laurel drama, don't you worry! Again, I don't really see this as Det Lance choosing Felicity over his own daughter - parents get pissed at their kids, it happens, and is allowed to happen. Can't break that bond though, so don't worry. I actually like my (eventual) Laurel and I hope you do too as you continue this story!

Mama Smoak is coming back soon too, I know everyone keeps asking. The delay with her is part storytelling purposes (there are a lot of characters in this story and introducing more when there's so much going on isn't ideal) but also partly because I really don't think that Felicity would want to tell her mom before she herself has grasped the entire situation. Mama Smoak was pretty unaware of the goings on in her life when she came to visit, so they clearly don't talk that much. ANYWAY - she comes soon, I promise. Lots of stuff happening.