24. Roadblock

A/N: Yes, it is time for a sporadic update. So sorry, next chapter is already written and will be posted in the next couple of days- this is the chapter that has been holding me back for forever. Seems the title became my own personal curse, ha…

The plane ride to Forks was its own sort of purgatory. I was stuck, with nothing to do but think of my past and future while being unable to do anything about either in the present.

So I sat curled into Edward's side, his breath gently moving a few strands of my hair where his chin rested. In such a position, despite all my worries about the next few upcoming hours, I felt content. It helped me to not think, which was exactly what I needed at the moment if I wanted to avoid making any decisions. In turn, I had to accomplish that feat if I wanted to keep Alice and the rest of the Cullens from interfering.

When we had left the house in New York, I truly had intended on sticking to the plan Edward had come up with. The idea was nearly perfect - planting a journal gave me a chance to say what I needed to say to Charlie without endangering anyone.

The problem was that it left out Charlie. It was a selfish plan, meant to only bring me closure. But I didn't want Charlie to just be a piece of a mostly forgotten past. I realized I didn't want to leave Charlie thinking he had lost his only daughter. I didn't want him to carry around that sort of guilt when I could appease it. Most of all, I decided the loose ends in my past weren't what bothered me most. I was bothered by the missing threads in this new tapestry. This tapestry was already beautiful and far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of- it just couldn't be complete without the most important bits of my past.

I knew I had to do something about that. But I also knew that I couldn't make a decision about a course of action too soon or Alice would call to warn Edward, and he wouldn't let me take any risks if he knew about them. I couldn't let my plans be derailed, even if I had no idea what they were at the moment. I fought my own anxiousness to keep my mind blank.

I waited until we touched down in Port Angeles and began our drive to Forks to even begin considering alternative options. I knew by that point I had an ample head start to accomplish whatever I decided.

"Edward?" It was the first time I had spoken since New York. I could sense it had been driving Edward insane. He knew me well enough to know when I was thinking, and he hated being in the dark about what was going on in my head. I visibly saw him relax when I spoke up, his hands unclenching the steering wheel and his shoulders rolling back and down.

"Yes love?"

I bit my lip, his casual confession of the depth of his feelings provoking the slightest pang in my conscience. I was about to lie to Edward, and I hated that I was fundamentally betraying his trust. Even if it was something that simply couldn't be helped. After all, with any luck I would accomplish my feat before he even realized what was going on. By then the benefits of my rash decisions would outweigh my treason. Or so I hoped.

"I was thinking…" I trailed off, monitoring Edward's face one last time for any traces of reactions or suspicion.

My search was in vain, as I saw nothing but concern etched into the contours of his face. Edward nodded almost imperceptibly at my given statement.

I continued, searching for any skills in dishonesty I possessed.

"I'd like to go to Charlie's alone."

Edward swallowed, his sudden blank expression proving his distaste for the idea even if his response pronounced no judgment.

"Why?"

I breathed in deeply, hoping against hope that he would believe my answer.

"I just feel like I have to do it myself," I began, preparing myself for what I was about to say, knowing I would hate myself for it for a very long time. "I need to be the one to finish off the last bit of my human life."

Edward's response was a sharp intake of breath, and it seemed to suck all the oxygen out of the car. My chest tightened, my heart impossibly wrenching in my chest, screaming at me to take it back. Instead, I sat frozen in my seat, waiting to see the damage I had done with my selfish statement.

Finally, Edward began breathing again though each of his quick, shallow breaths rattled in a way that reminded me of death.

When he spoke, there was no fight in his voice. His words made the expected counterpoint, but there was no conviction behind them.

"You know that isn't wise Bella- there are werewolves…" He trailed off, nothing left to say.

"I know," I agreed quietly. Perhaps if Edward hadn't been so wounded he would have heard the apology in those words.

"But," I continued, "I still need to do it."

He sighed heavily. "You have to do what you have to do Bella- but you must promise me to be careful. To not do anything to endanger yourself."

I let my eyes close, forcing my voice to not waver or betray the fact that I was planning on following my own definition of what was safe. I could hardly think he would agree with what I was about to do- I wouldn't have put him through this ordeal otherwise.

"Of course."

And with my simple agreement, Edward flicked on his blinker, maneuvering the car onto the familiar drive nestled almost indistinguishably into the tree line. We rattled down the drive wordlessly. I fought the urge to squirm. The clock had already started- time was ticking down until Alice called Edward. Surely she had already seen the sudden change in the future.

With this in mind, I climbed quickly out of the car as we came to a stop in front of the house that I remembered as my first home. There would be no time to revisit its interior- not now. Instead, I looked up at the pale unchanged outline of the white house, keenly aware of the sounds of Edward's footsteps coming around to the passenger side of the car. Oddly, he moved at a human pace. Later I would see that it was the weight of my words that slowed his movements.

His hand gently took mine, as if afraid I would pull it away. Ridiculous. His consideration only mired my soul further in the muck of my own guilt and shame. This was the price I could pay. There would be time to atone for my wrongs later.

But that didn't mean I couldn't attempt to ameliorate some of the effects now.

I squeezed his hand, gently tugging him closer and taking his other hand. The feel of his silken skin against mine made me shiver. Compulsively I ran my thumbs along the lines in his palms, something I found myself constantly doing. The action seemed to sooth Edward in some way, his jaw slackening just slightly under the glow of the nearly full moon. I smiled at how the shadows only seemed to bring out his beauty.

I leaned my forehead against his, feeling his breath brush lightly against my lips, chin and neck.

"I love you." I whispered simply, letting my hands drift up to his face and placing a feather-light kiss on his lips.

I didn't allow myself to get caught up in the soft firmness I found there or the temptation of how I knew he would taste. Instead I dropped my arms to my side, pulling myself upright.

I gave him one last look before turning around and running in the direction of the home that should have been.

I did my best to stay away from the roads as my feet carried me toward my father's neighborhood. A teenage girl running along the side of the road in the middle of the night would most certainly call the attention of a passing motorist. This was especially true given that the clouds had closed over the moon and rain now fell steadily from the sky.

I also found myself stopping occasionally to double check that a pungent trail was indeed too faint to be fresh and that there was no need to worry about running into wolves.

Despite my indirect route, I arrived suddenly at the edge of the woods behind the low brick house burned into the haze of my scattered human memories. I paused behind a massive oak, steadying myself under the reality that I was standing outside my human home. It felt surreal, like this place belonged in some past life or to someone else entirely.

Only the tinge of the scent of a human in the air struck a chord inside of me, and I recognized that the smell was that of my father. I may not have really known Charlie, but something primitive told me that I was linked to the blood of the person inside the house just several dozen yards away.

I crept from my observational point in the forest, only the quiet slosh of my footsteps in the waterlogged soil of the lawn and the pitter-patter of falling raindrops cutting through the silence. I hugged the side of the house, concealing myself as much as possible in the shadow of the structure and behind bushes. Finally, with the low drone of a TV becoming louder, I reached the front door.

I crouched beside it, listening. In addition to the sounds of Sportscenter there was a deep, low heartbeat. It was slow like the accompanying breathing, signaling, along with an occasional snore, that Charlie was asleep inside.

The familiarity brought back the vague impression of what I assumed was my first and only night in Forks about a year before- in my mind's eye I saw Charlie lying on the couch, a half-empty pizza box on the coffee table, asleep while the sports' highlight reel flashed on a TV screen. Though the memory was unremarkable, the force of the recollection nearly doubled me over. It was enough to validate what I was about to do- just being here was allowing me to reclaim bits of my human life, and I wasn't about to stop now that I had started.

I moved with determination up my own front stairs, only barely noticing how I had shifted to applying the possessive in the last few seconds to this place from my past. I deftly twisted the knob of the door, expected to feel resistance. I was shocked to find that Charlie still left his door unlocked as the piece of wood swung silently inward. Charlie continued snoring.

I crept into the entryway, taking care to twist the knob as I closed the door to avoid a telltale click. I took a breath, my lungs and nostrils filled with a multitude of familiar smells. Charlie's scent coated my throat, and there was only the slightest burning twinge. Even this vanished when I reminded myself whose blood this scent came from. Satisfied with my self control, I mentally prepared myself to enact the rest of my plan, internally reciting the words I had formulated.

The floorboard creaked just as I crossed the threshold between the entryway and the living room. I paused, turning to stone as I heard Charlie shift on the couch. I still couldn't see him, not having fully rounded the corner yet. Mercifully his breathing slowed back down and he fell back into his slumber.

By the time I reached the couch, I knew my heart would have been jumping out of my chest if it had been possible. It wasn't, and I was glad that my body couldn't betray me. It was difficult enough to decide what to do with my father lying directly in front of me. It was like a dream- the best I could imagine at the moment. I had never believed this- seeing Charlie- could be possible. Yet there he laid, his head awkwardly angled against the armrest of the couch, his face relaxed and mouth hanging slightly open. He looked much like the images my vague recollections conjured up, though the lines in his face were deeper and there was silvery gray streaking his dark hair.

Before I could restrain myself, my fingertips were lightly running down Charlie's arm until my icy hand nestled into his heated one. I gasped quietly when his grip tightened. I anxiously looked up, expecting his eyes to be open. Instead, they were closed and his breathing remained steady though a tension had developed around his eyes and in his forehead, further deepening his wrinkles.

"Bella." He breathed. His voice was so quiet I almost believed my vampire hearing was suddenly failing me.

"Bella." His voice was louder this time, and there was no mistaking it. "Bella!" he practically shouted, pain lacing my name as it fell from his mouth.

Instinctively I did something that I hadn't been entirely sure I would do. I had considered it and it was why I had wanted to come alone. But I realized in the moment that I hadn't truly made the decision before that moment. All reason, all sensibility was vanquished by the sound of my father's pain. I could take that pain away, and I acted without considering the repercussions.

"I'm here Charlie. I'm here." I said, my hand carefully squeezing his back. Whether it was the feel of my cold grasp or the tinkling sound of my voice that didn't fit his dream, Charlie was pulled out of his slumber.

He started, and I nearly jumped out my skin as well, though I maintained my hold. He shifted uncomfortable, and I heard bones cracking with the movement. He squeezed his eyes together then blinked several times, his head still positioned so he looked directly up at the ceiling. Then, noticing either that his arm was anchored to something or that his left hand was abnormally cold, Charlie turned his head. His eyes were wide open, but took a moment to focus.

But once they did, his action was swift. His gaze saw my hand first before shifting immediately up, locking with my own. His face drained of all color and his pallor turned green. It was apparent that he believed he was seeing a ghost as his pulse skyrocketed and his breathing quickened. He lurched up in order to push back from me, nearly tumbling over the back of the couch. He caught himself just in time, managing to maneuver himself so that he cowered behind it, hands gripping it for support.

"B-Bella," he stuttered, "No. No. You aren't real…I must have eaten too much or, or…" he trailed off, still looking at me with a mix of disbelief, fear, fascination and hope.

I swallowed before edging to the right just slightly. Charlie stayed frozen in place.

"No. I'm here dad. I'm Bella. I'm not a ghost."

"Impossible," he breathed, shaking his head. "Not possible."

"But it is," I retorted delicately, reaching out to take his hand again. He recoiled at the shock of my frigid skin temperature. I smiled reassuringly and reached out again, firmly holding his palm in mine.

"I won't hurt you," I promised, using my most persuasive tone. I need everything I had right now, even if it meant using some of my predatory charms. Charlie still looked terrified but I could see the curiosity rising to the surface though he was speechless. "I know I look different, but I'm still me."

"P-Prove it," he demanded petulantly, obviously gathering up all the courage he possessed despite the fear lacing his weak retort.

I frowned and paused, considering how I was possibly supposed to do that when I had few memories from before the change. Then, I remembered.

"When I was four, Renee left you and took me with her. It was raining, and I was wearing Mary Janes and a red rain coat. You were standing on the front porch when we drove away." I hoped Charlie would remember the only details I could recall- I assumed that if they were strong enough to transcend the flames they might be just as important to my father.

They were. Charlie swallowed and that small movement seemed to allow the rest of him to move. He took a minute step toward me and his hand rose to my cheek. His touch searched for some sort of proof, a reassurance that I was really there and not an immaterial vision.

"Bells."

I nodded, feeling my eyes prick.

"But you're so cold. And your voice, your eyes…" Charlie's eyes narrowed and hope waged war with logic within them. Vaguely, I was reminded to the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, and I worked to suppress a light chuckle. Instead, I replied with more reassurances.

"I know I'm different dad. But I'm not dead."

Charlie sighed, his hands dropping to his sides. He walked back around the couch, sagging into its worn cushions. "There was so much blood . And your clothes. No one could survive that Bells."

I evaluated his statement, knowing that his use of my name already revealed his desire to believe. I could sense enough about Charlie to realize that he wasn't really questioning me. He looked at me like a man who couldn't believe what he saw but didn't want the explanation either. He was my father, and he knew his daughter when he saw her. That was enough for him- he was only stating fact, tapping into his role as sheriff. He would accept whatever excuse I gave him, so long as it was plausible. This is what I had hoped for- that Charlie would just be glad to have his only daughter back and we could gloss over the details.

I shrugged my response lightly, sitting down on the couch next to him, trying to appear as human as possible.

" I still don't' remember much of anything, but I went into the woods that first day outside the school. I just wanted to find a couple minutes to myself. I must have wandered too far in, and I got lost. It was almost dark when I began to hear the howling. I tried to move away from it, but I was attacked by a huge wolf." I paused there for a moment, smiling coldly to myself at the irony of the statement. It had been the opposite of a wolf that had truly attacked me.

I continued after this secret consideration, wanting to just get past the lying as quickly as possible, hoping their outrageous nature really would be hidden by paternal love's blindness.

"I don't know why they didn't kill me, except that I had wandered close to a highway and I remember hearing the roar of a large truck. When the wolf was scared off, I pulled myself in the direction of the sound.

I got lucky. I thought for sure that I was going to die, but then someone picked me up at the last second. I didn't even hear them coming."

"Who was it?" Charlie interrupted, curious . I noted there was no conscious disbelief in his tone, thankfully.

I shook my head. "I don't know. When I woke up after all the surgery no one was there. Like I said, I didn't have many memories. The doctors just said I was fortunate…I couldn't even remember my name," I looked up then, hoping to see that Charlie was still with the story. His face looked horrified, but all still seemed well.

"Then how are you here? And why didn't I find you? I searched the entire state for Jane Does."

I swallowed, knowing this where my story got most unbelievable.

"I must have been airlifted. I was in Portland when I got a visitor. Carlisle Cullen was there visiting a friend to learn about reconstructive surgery- that's how he found me, and it explains all the changes." I gestured from my face up and down my body with my words, waiting to see Charlie's reaction at this newest revelation and the biggest leap in my incredibly unbelievable story. Yet again, Charlie's blind hope kept his skepticism minimal.

"Dr. Cullen? Why wouldn't he contact me- how dare he find you and not tell me!" Charlie was practically shouting and I could see the wheels turning in his brain as he considered a future confrontation with Carlisle. While not entirely desirable, I was just glad to continue with my prefabricated tale.

"He tried to tell me who I was. He wanted me to be able to see you again. But I wasn't myself, and was reluctant. He didn't want to force me into anything, so out of respect he pulled some strings to allow me to be released to him. It took some persuading of me and the hospital, but I went back with his family to South Dakota.

I've slowly regained my memories and, well…you can guess the rest," I finished slowly, exhausted by the great effort of trying to make my outrageous lies sound plausible.

Charlie sat still for a long minute, mulling it all over in his head while he stared at me through narrowed eyes. Then, suddenly, the tension in his face released. It was replaced by gratitude and tiredness.

"Remind me to thank Dr. Cullen."

I closed my eyes, relieved at his simple statement. Then I laughed, wrapping my arms around Charlie's neck. The hug was brief- I didn't want him thinking too much about how cold I was.

"I'll do that," I said once I had settled myself back into my seat.

"I've missed you Bells."

"I've missed you too." I couldn't have spoken truer words. "There is one more thing…."

Charlie grinned as if astonished and unsurprised all at once. "Shoot."

"While I was with the Cullens, I became good friends with their children. They have a son, Edward. He really helped me a lot dad, and we're…we're engaged."

There, I had said the one thing I most wanted to tell Charlie, other than that I wasn't dead.

"Huh," he said, pursing his lips as he looked around the room. He inhaled a couple of times, but didn't say anything at first. "Edward you say?"

I nodded, feeling every bit the teenage girl I was supposed to be. I even feared for Edward's safety for one silly moment.

The next I both realized that he was immortal and that Charlie wasn't turning purple.

"I can meet him?"

I took his request as acceptance, then nodded. After what I had just accomplished, I believed anything was possible- even telling my once-murderous vampire fiancé that I had lied to him in order to tell my father I had come back from the dead and that he now wanted to meet him.

"Of course."

After that we sat in the living room for a long time, just talking about what had gone on in Charlie's life while I had been absent. We discussed the other Cullens and that yes, he could call Renee, but only after he had met Edward and we talked about what to tell her. It was late, probably one or two AM when I left the house with promises to return by the next evening with details about meeting Edward.

I closed the door behind me. It said something about Charlie that he didn't even ask me how I had gotten there, given there was no car in the driveway but his police cruiser. I smiled, feeling more whole than I had in a long time as I slinked around the edge of the house. I was thinking about how to explain everything to Edward and whether or not Alice would have told him anything when I hit the tree line.

This preoccupation is probably why I didn't notice the obvious fact that I was being followed for a solid mile. Only when a small figure leapt from behind a tree right off my path did I come back to my surroundings. I skidded to a stop, restraining my natural instinct to attack.

"What the hell did you think you were doing!" Alice demanded, her voice strained but low and even.

I closed my eyes, sighing. "You should be more careful, I could have tried to rip your throat out for surprising me like that."

"Not an answer," she said simply, arms folded across her chest.

"She's got a point Bella," a voice agreed from behind me. I growled, whipping my head around, hair snapping in the air. It was Carlisle, and Edward, Emmett and Jasper were all with him. I heard the telltale signs that Esme and Rosalie had just arrive behind Alice and took a couple of steps to the left so I could face them all. Anger welled up in my chest as I realized just how deeply Alice had betrayed me. A phone call and an angry Edward I had expected, but this…

"Was it really necessary for the entire family to jet across the country?"

Alice snorted. "Yes, Bella. You should have seen the possible futures…"

Carlisle cut her off. "When Alice informed us of what you were going to do, it seemed appropriate for us to come. This way we're all here to help deal with Charlie." His voice was calm, and I couldn't see any anger in his peaceful demeanor. There was a glimmer of concern, but it vanished rather quickly.

I sighed, knowing that I had broken everyone's trust. "Don't worry, Charlie bought my story. There isn't any risk to him because he doesn't know anything."

"And what are you going to do when you get your dream wedding with daddy dearest and then none of us age?" Rosalie suddenly interjected, livid.

I shuffled my feet nervously. I had to admit that I hadn't gotten that far yet. "We'll figure it out," I assured myself as much as the rest of the family.

"I didn't agree to do anything, so I don't know about this 'we' you're talking about," Rosalie spat.

Edward, previously silent, suddenly angered. "Bella is family Rose. You can't disregard this."

My heart soared that Edward still cared enough to defend me, despite my transgressions.

"That doesn't mean it's my responsibility!"

Edward growled. Emmet tensed, stepping protectively in front of Rosalie. Carlisle slipped in between the two, opening his mouth to provide some sort of reconciliation.

Instead, it was Alice's voice that rang out.

"Shit," she said simply, eyes blank. "Run. The wolves are coming- I can't see anything. Run!"

There was a moment of silence, as we all looked at each other. Then, just as the sounds of barking and howling carried through the air to where the family was gathered, we turned. Carlisle led the way with Esme's hand in his, running toward the house. The rest of us followed loosely behind. Edward's hand took mine, giving a reassuring squeeze, proving that he held no grudge. I turned to look at him, seeing the two large wolves behind us and to the right. I gasped, realizing how close they were to Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett. Three more joined those two and I sucked in another breath, realizing the pack had grown. I was so preoccupied with this fact that I hardly noticed the two largest wolves- one black and the other a deep russet- were gaining on Edward and I. Before I could stop him Edward loosened his grip, turning to attack the black wolf, the closest one. I cried out, terrified. I tried to stop but Alice had materialized out of nowhere at my elbow, pulling me along.

But before long she too let go, splitting another wolf off in another direction, leaving me to allude the russet wolf. I considered turning back, but knew it would be no good. There was no way I could get around my pursuer. Without any plan, I continued to pump my legs faster and faster, containing the sobs that threatened to rip from my chest.

A/N: Don't hate me…I feel like a traitor because I know so many of you don't like the wolves and you've been such faithful readers and then I went and slammed you with them. Please forgive me by leaving a review?