When You're Away Chapter 25: All I See, a mentalist fanfic

In every heart

There's a hole

There's a space

For something new

Teresa feels hollow and tired; the hollowness comes from something that should be removed. She had previously experienced this when her father had died. She had often filled this void by throwing herself into work and it solves the problem for awhile, until he, Patrick Jane arrives. She starts to realize what she has been missing. She hadn't felt her void increase since her father's death, when she started throwing herself into work. When he's not around she can feel the void inside her throbbing.

At every start

There's a goal

There's a place

We're running to

Whenever she went to sleep he was all Teresa could see. After he had been shot, and when he had healed, there was still a scar. When they were in bed at night neither would sleep. Teresa would touch the scar on his abdomen; she would imagine a scar like that as the void inside her. When they were near each other she felt like the void was being slowly healed. She was realizing at this point that this void existed for something new to happen to be filled by someone else.

But in my strangest dreams

Through nights of feverish screams

I don't know what it means

But all I see is you

And when I've run too far

Chasing that lonesome star

I don't know who you are

But all I see is you…

At some point she started to wake up screaming recurring nightmares of her past of her life as of late. The fears of being hit and abandoned were frequently in her dreams. She could feel hands hitting her and wounds forming and blood flowing. The bad memories that she thought she could escape in her dreams hadn't left her and always came back with relentless force and energy. Patrick experiences bad dreams as well his dreams are more lucid and on the surface. He doesn't dream of killing Red John. He tells her "All my dreams are about killing you."

In every girl

There's a door

An open gate

To walk right through

"I always dream of killing you. On purpose, on accident, and in anger. In my dreams I'm always trying to fill a void, a void that is not filled by killing Red John. I see you initially I try to hug you, you're saying things I cannot hear. But for some reason it irks me I don't know why but it does. I put both of my hands around your neck I choke you to death. I take a knife and cut you to pieces. Then the dream ends." She initially thinks he's playing a very sick joke, one of his elaborate cons to catch killers, he can't sleep he has insomnia he can't sleep. No, he tells her it even though it's not a dream it's a fantasy like a dream but its conscious it happens while you're awake. These "fantasies" she wonders if they might take a more realistic sexual term. Will these "fantasies" happen? Will they show up in real life in a very real form?

But every girl

Wants much more

Then she can take

And hold on to

These fantasies don't happen he is too self -controlled and contained to ever let something uncontrolled and dangerous to explode onto the surface. But if it had ever possible, what would it look like. Would it look like a bloodthirsty rampage? Or would it be the murder of one or maybe two? Would it be the murder of her Teresa or the murder of them, Teresa and Patrick, would it be Patrick and Red John? If it came to be any of these things she would either laugh or cry. Laugh because Patrick and Red John dying together could be thought of as divinely unfair. She would cry because she would know they had bitten off more than they could chew.

And in my highest hopes

My brushes biggest strokes

A heavy stone that floats

All I see is you

With fear that won't let go

Tears that won't stop to flow

The truth I'll never know

All I see is you…

All I want is you…

These murderous daydreams that he has, they seep into everyday life into cases, into their relationship, and back into sex which could be equal parts rough, loving, and abusive. He said "My daydreams are distracting so I ignore them." She would think -her arms crossed across her chest "Well, that's not what your body's saying. Your body's saying; I want to screw your brains out, because I can't think of anything else to fix myself." Instead she said "Are you sure you want to do that before we go forward with anything?" He would never answer this question it was the same non-answer to any and every question she did or didn't have. She was now starting to realize she would never get an answer if her continued to be the only thing she saw when she went to bed at night.