She breathed in deep, sending out mental tendrils of thought towards the humming threads. The threads for her Familiar and her flame atronach was easily identified and she brushed past them, pressing deeper. The thread for a frost atronach was weaker, pulsing intermittently, but she ignored that too, continuing deeper as she pictured herself venturing further into the darkness of a cave.
A headache built up but she maintained her concentration, reaching, reaching…
Kyra came across a new thread. It was barely pulsing, but the ribbon of energy felt older, felt stronger, than all the others she had passed. She had only ventured this deep a few times before, and each time, she had failed to Summon a storm atronach. But not this time.
She grasped the thread, trying to follow it as far down as she could as a tingle began in her body. The further down she spiraled, the more the sensation built, until the energy pulsed inside her, each burst causing explosions of colour to seep behind her eyelids. The energy travelled through her veins, and collected in her outstretched hand, making it grow hotter and hotter, until she could scarcely bear the heat. She had to release it. So she did.
Immediately, pleasure curled in her stomach, crept over her body. She gasped from the feeling, her lips curving into a smile, before opening her eyes.
The now-familiar violet abyss formed in front of her, edges jagged and sharp before contorting and fading into softer curves. And then her storm atronach appeared and she took an involuntary step backwards.
The pleasure from the Summon soothed her headache and lessened her tiredness as she stared in awe at what she had Summoned - what she was responsible for bringing to Nirn. But no sooner had the thought crossed her mind than the bond between her and her storm atronach started to weaken. She tried to keep hold of it, but it slipped between her fingers, slick and tricky, and her storm atronach disappeared once more.
Kyra sighed, both because of her failure to maintain the bond, and the loss of the pleasure, and turned to face Phinis. "Sorry I couldn't keep it here for longer," she said, panting slightly. It had taken a lot of effort to form the connection.
"You shouldn't be apologising," Phinis said. "You've come a remarkable way in such a short period of time - I've never seen anyone pick up Summoning this quickly. I've had more than a few apprentices, and if they'd only been Summoning for as long as you, I doubt many of them could even Summon a frost atronach for any longer than ten seconds."
She offered a half-smile at his praise, but something twisted in her stomach. The only reason she had been able to pick it up so quickly was because she concentrated on it. And when she said concentrating, she meant every thought, every action, was consumed by Summoning. She couldn't let her attention sway for a second, because if she did, memories of sightless eyes and the pain of missing Alaedra rose up in her mind.
Someone had once said that ignoring and running away from your problems would only end badly, but she was an expert at doing both. And ignoring them was better than the alternative, of dwelling on them, and losing sight of what was in front of her. Because the past couldn't hurt her - or so she told herself late at night, when she couldn't bear to sleep - and the present was all that mattered. Summoning kept her mind off the memories, and the feeling of pleasure whenever she completed a successful Summon wiped away all feelings of pain or numbness. And for a few glorious, golden moments, everything was right in the world.
Of course, the feeling soon faded, and only a memory of the pleasure was left, a pale imitation. And that was why she needed to build up to stronger Summons.
Phinis continued talking. "Besides, it's good to be prepared at the moment. Skyrim seems to be getting more dangerous by the second, what with dragons swooping around and setting towns on fire. Oblivion knows what the dragonborn is doing now."
She swallowed, and made a half-hearted murmur of agreement. No one at the college knew she was Dovahkiin - aside from J'Zargo - and she wanted to keep it that way. Following the strange attack of the Thalmor, it seemed J'Zargo had upheld his promise, and hadn't told anyone that she was the dragonborn. Stranger still, her and J'Zargo almost seemed to be friendly with each other.
Phinis seemed to take her murmur for an affirmative. "I know. And a colleague of mine swore that on one trip from Windhelm to here, he was attacked by no less than two bears and three Sabre cats, and a suspicious looking rabbit followed him for several miles. Although I'm not so sure about the last one," Phinis added as an afterthought. "He has a reputation for having a little too much to drink on occasion. Plus, there have been reports of people disappearing inside Dwemer ruins. More than usual." He shook his head in disbelief. "Seems the whole of Skyrim is headed to Oblivion."
Kyra forced a smile, although a chill raced over her body. "At least there'll be company."
He chuckled wryly, rubbing his chin. "Anyway, do you fancy lending me a hand tomorrow?"
She cocked her head to the side, interested. "With what?"
"An old ruin has been uncovered recently - Saarthal - and the researchers there have found a whole library of books focused on Summoning. They want me to catalogue them, see if they're useful. I could use some help."
She bit her lip, internally wishing she could just spend the day Summoning, but nodded anyway, curiosity getting the better of her. How many chances would she get to go to such an ancient ruin? She'd even heard rumours it used to be the capital of Skyrim, before some sort of catastrophe occurred.
Saarthal was massive. The sprawling rocks were partly hidden by cliffs of ice, but that didn't decrease the enormity of it. The only means of descending to the entrance lay in icy wooden bridges that creaked disturbingly every time Kyra placed a tentative foot down, and she gripped the handrail tightly.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she finally set foot on solid ground again, and looked around for the entrance. Phinis had arrived earlier than her, and was probably already inside, starting on the cataloging of Summoning books. He never seemed to stop working.
The interior was even bigger than she had expected. The large stone cavern descended into the ground, and a feeling of austerity and solemnness hovered in the air, as though the very rocks remembered how old they were. Kyra was surprised to find that it seemed almost comfortable in its age, the way she imagined a sentient tree might feel. And then she realised just how odd that thought was, and promptly stopped thinking.
She found Phinis poring over some dusty tomes, face creased with concentration. She waited patiently, knowing how much he hated to be interrupted. After several minutes, he carefully placed the book to the left of him, where it joined an ever growing pile, and led her over to another small table.
He quickly explained how to catalogue the Summoning books, and how to fill in a short description of each book. A labeling system was available, and when she found a book she deemed useful, she'd need to place a number on it, so the researchers would know to return it to the college when they finished their excavation of the ruins.
"I wouldn't normally do this," Phinis said, "but I trust you enough to leave you to do this on your own. You can make your own mind up about which books are useful, but if you have any questions, I'll be at my own desk, over there." He waved vaguely to the side.
She nodded, and he hurried off to his workplace, not willing to be separated from the books for long. She started on her own pile of books, but had only managed to catalogue one - it was useless; they already had several copies of it back in the college - before a familiar face caught her eye and distracted her. She made her way over to where J'Zargo was standing idly, tossing a fireball between his hands.
"J'Zargo! What are you doing here?" she asked.
He turned around, extinguishing the fire, and offered her a sharp grin. "Tolfdir has allowed J'Zargo's class a day off. Apparently, it will provide us with the chance to practise our magic in a real environment, although everything down here is likely already dead."
She raised an eyebrow. "The dead can still be dangerous. Haven't you ever encountered draugr?"
"No, but J'Zargo has heard tales of their ferocity. They may prove a worthy fight."
Kyra's lips twitched at his confidence. It was still irritating, but but it was no longer the outright annoyance it had originally caused. If anything, she found herself starting to appreciate his humour.
They chatted a while longer, and although Kyra caught Phinis glaring at her several times from his workplace, she only bid J'Zargo goodbye when Tolfdir and his class came to collect him. Kyra gave Brelyna a smile, which was returned, and she watched as the class disappeared down one of the paths that led deeper into Saarthal. She wanted to follow them, but knew she couldn't.
Instead, she returned to her pile of books, sighing faintly and picked up the nearest. Skimming through it, she wrote a brief description, and labeled it with a five-digit number to be returned to the college.
She steadily worked throughout the day, trying not to disturb Phinis too much. On the rare occasion when she needed to double-check something with Phinis, he was generally happy to help (unless he was interrupted from something particularly interesting, and he snapped at her to go away). Despite his short stature, he made up for it with sheer ferocity and biting words. Kyra would almost have been insulted had she known it wasn't personal, and he would be like this with anyone. In fact, she quite suspected that he was more lenient with her than anyone else.
They worked until the evening, when most of the researchers had headed back to the college as the light faded. She yawned, setting down the latest book, and stretched. Her joints crunched and she sighed in relief. A thought occurred to her as she was packing up her belongings.
"Shouldn't Tolfdir and his class be back by now?" she asked Phinis, who was organising some items.
Phinis paused, before he resumed stacking books, slower now. "I'm sure they'll be out soon - it isn't that late. Tolfdir's too responsible for anything else."
She nodded, not convinced, but let it go. Phinis obviously wouldn't know anything. Still, a faint nagging feeling remained, even as she exited the gloom of Saarthal and made her way back to the college. She couldn't help feeling that something had happened in the furthest reaches of Saarthal.
Kyra leant against the wall, panting but grinning. Her storm atronach hovered in front of her, a faint creaking sound echoing every few seconds. The bond between her and her storm atronach was secure and strong. She knew she wouldn't have the power to keep the storm atronach here for long periods of time, but she could keep him on Mundus for several minutes, and that was all that mattered at the moment.
The pleasure was still filtering through her, heady and strong. It had faded since the initial Summon, but despite a few minutes passing, it still lingered in her body.
"Congratulations," Phinis said, showing her a rare smile. "You've completed one of the most difficult Summons. You'll need to maintain it for longer to be fully effective, of course," he said, as her strength faded, along with the storm atronach, "but I shouldn't think you'll have too much trouble with that."
She let out a drawn out breath. "I managed it," she said tiredly. The pleasure had faded now, leaving the world just a little colder, and faint worry replaced it. She still hadn't heard anything from J'Zargo.
It seemed Phinis had been reading her thoughts, because he said, "Apparently, something happened in Saarthal last night."
She stiffened. "What? Is J'Zargo alright? Was anyone hurt?"
He held up a hand to forestall her questions. "I don't know the details, I'm afraid, but no one was hurt so badly a few healing spells couldn't fix them. There have been rumours that something was found below Saarthal, but I have a difficult time separating fiction from fact. I'm sure you'll find the truth soon enough."
He gestured at her to continue, and she forced worry for J'Zargo to the back of her mind as she strove for her storm atronach once more.
Later that night, she knocked softly on J'Zargo's door. She waited, but there was no answer. She didn't try again.
Her sleep was troubled by dreams of violence and death, and she woke sometime in the small hours of the morning, her skin tingling. She couldn't bring herself to sleep again and kept herself awake through the night, reading 'Oblivion and the mind" by the light of a candle.
By the time the soft light of sun peered over the horizon in an unusually clear morning, she felt as though she hadn't slept at all. She took a few sips of a stamina potion, but the alertness that settled felt fake, artificial. A foul mood descended on her as she prowled the corridors in search of food, the coldness of the college seeping into her bones and setting her teeth on edge. She wondered how none of the other mages seemed to feel the coldness. Maybe warming spells existed. If they did, she was almost certain the mages were cheating.
Breakfast only alleviated her foul mood slightly and she was tempted to tell Phinis she wasn't in the mood for Summoning today - although she wasn't sure he'd believe her, as she'd only ever shown tempered enthusiasm before - but she knew if she didn't go, she'd have nothing better to do than dwell on the memories.
It was these thoughts that plagued her as she crossed in the Hall of the Elements…and stopped in her tracks. She could have sworn there wasn't usually a giant levitating orb in the centre of the hall.
She blinked once. Twice. But the orb didn't fade away - so it wasn't a sleep-deprived hallucination - and she slowly started to believe that there really was a giant levitating orb in front of her. And really, why not? She'd seen weirder things.
Kyra stepped closer, mesmerised by the sight. The orb seemed to pulse with energy, the air almost tangible with power, and she stepped closer still.
"What are you?" she asked the orb.
"No one knows," a familiar voice said from behind her.
She spun around, and saw J'Zargo standing a few metres away, staring at the orb too.
"J'Zargo found it in the depths of Saarthal," he continued. "It was very strange - J'Zargo fears he is going mad."
She frowned. "How come?"
"Someone called Nerien spoke to J'Zargo in a vision. He is part of a Psijic Order, and wanted J'Zargo for something, although he only spoke in riddles. Tolfdir has only heard of this Psijic Order in rumours, and so he has tasked J'Zargo to find out more information about both Saarthal, and that thing." He gestured towards the orb.
Bad mood forgotten, Kyra raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I thought you would have sounded more excited about researching something that could be so important."
J'Zargo sighed. "I would, had the information not been stolen by an idiot student. Someone called Orthorn." He snarled his name. "So J'Zargo has to track him down. J'Zargo knows where he is, but he has a feeling it won't be so easy."
"When are you leaving?" Kyra asked.
"Soon," was his only reply. He inclined his head towards her, cast one last look at the orb, and walked away.
Kyra stared after him, and the only thought that flashed through her mind was that none of this would end well.
She didn't see J'Zargo for quite a while after that, and assumed he was off, collecting the stolen books. She threw herself into Summoning with a new passion, managing to Summon a storm atronach with more ease than ever. Phinis hinted that she could start to learn how to Summon a Dremora too, and the excitement banished the numbness.
When she next saw J'Zargo, a few weeks later, he seemed quieter than usual, more solemn. He was leaning against a wall, tail flicking lethargically and staring at nothing. She approached him cautiously.
"Are you okay?"
He jolted, as though he hadn't seen her approaching, and raised his eyes to meet hers. He offered a grin, but it looked tired. "J'Zargo is fine. He has managed to collect the information he needed."
"That's good then, isn't it?" She tried not to be unsettled by the lack of J'Zargo's usual personality. He seemed worn, and only a faint trace of confidence lingered.
"J'Zargo had to venture into the Midden for more information. A horrible place, filled with dripping water and dampness." He shivered, fur bristling. "And another of the Psijic Order has spoken to J'Zargo. He gave a message filled with warnings and consequences it seems only J'Zargo can prevent."
"They must want a mage of great power then," she joked, trying to lighten the mood, but it was the wrong thing to say.
J'Zargo growled, clenching his fists. "You don't understand! J'Zargo isn't strong enough to prevent this disaster. Destruction magic - that he can do - but anything else? J'Zargo doesn't have the power to stop the Eye of Magnus from destroying everything." He slumped to the wall again, glaring at the ground.
Kyra swallowed, and tentatively lay a hand on is shoulder. He tensed beneath her touch. "Look at me," she said, and repeated it more firmly when he refused. He sighed, finally lifting his gaze.
She swallowed, and drew courage up from deep inside her. "I don't know what this disaster is. I don't know how the Eye of Magnus causes it. But I do know you can prevent it. You're always saying that you're a powerful mage. But now you actually need to believe it, rather than simply boasting to cover up your desperation to prove yourself. This is your chance."
J'Zargo shuddered, seeming to fight an internal battle, before looking at her, wide-eyed. "Thank you," he said quietly. "J'Zargo is leaving for Mzulft tomorrow, and he needs the knowledge that someone believes in him."
She smiled awkwardly, and shifted the conversation slightly. "Why Mzulft?"
"The Psijic order said J'Zargo needs the Staff of Magnus, and apparently going to Mzulft will help him locate it. At least J'Zargo isn't going alone - some of the senior mages are accompanying him."
"The Staff of Magnus?" Kyra asked, frowning. "How does that help?"
J'Zargo shrugged. "J'Zargo does not know. He suspects the Psijic order are making it up as they speak - they explain things very poorly. And there is something about them - something in the way they speak and watch J'Zargo through calculating eyes - that sets his fur on end."
Not knowing what to say, she simply nodded. "How long will you be gone?"
He tugged lightly on a whisker. "Over a month, most likely. It is difficult to judge - people seem to want to keep J'Zargo in the dark."
"Good luck," she told him seriously. "I would stay for longer, but it's getting dark and you'd better get prepared for tomorrow. I'm heading to bed now anyway."
She bid him goodbye, wishing him good luck once more, before returning to her room. Tiredness descended on her suddenly, and she barely had time to change out of her clothes and into her nightclothes before she fell into bed. Sleep took her.
She blinked, slowly coming awake, and glanced blearily out of the window. It was still dark outside, and the only light was shed by the two pale moons. Yawning, she stretched, and then frowned when she realised her body was tingling slightly - that must have been what had woken her up.
Kyra sat up in bed, examining her hands, but couldn't see any reason behind the tingling. She withheld a gasp when it suddenly grew more intense, and became a faint itch. Scratching slightly, she shifted in discomfort, but the itching didn't seem to lessen. Instead, a strange feeling of restlessness came over her, making her legs twitch slightly.
Sighing at the loss of her sleep, she quickly changed into more appropriate clothes and slipped silently out of her door, making her way along the winding corridors. Her feet were bare against the cool stone as she absentmindedly scratched at the pervasive itch, before making her way out into the courtyard.
She stayed there for a minute or two, but the feeling of restlessness and the itching only seemed to increase. Not knowing what else to do, she slowly made her way over the crumbling bridge and onto the snowy landscape that stretched for miles in each direction. She was only wearing thin clothes but the coldness somehow failed to touch her as she walked further and further into the desolate wilderness, barren trees stark against the ghostly snow.
She stopped by one such tree. It was stunted and twisted, branches reaching into the sky in a grotesque imitation of curling hands, and gently traced a finger over the gnarled bark. Her touch felt more sensitive than usual, and she shivered at the sensation.
Her hands grew hot. They started to burn with heat, scorching her, and she gasped as the pressure in her hands built. It climbed, energy pulsing in her hands, and she didn't know what was happening, she didn't know what she was doing, only that she needed to release it…
And before she knew what she was doing, she had Summoned a flame atronach.
The pressure stopped. Her hands returned to normal. The itching abated.
And then pleasure crashed into her, making her rock back on her heels. It was stronger than it had ever been, even when she Summoned her storm atronach, and a wild giggle escaped her mouth before she could call it back. Her body felt alive. She could see in crystalline brilliance, the light of the moons easily shedding enough light, and she could hear the faint howls of wolves beyond the mountains. Sniffing, Kyra could detect the smell of ash and snow carried on the wind.
The pleasure started to fade from her and she staggered at the loss of the feeling, before regaining her senses. She looked at her flame atronach, and at her hands. She smiled.
Kyra returned to bed, the smell of ash and snow still drifting in the wind, and fell asleep to dreams of Summoning.